The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 18 - Cliff Gets Jilted - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Clair] Cliff! Hey!

Honey,

we're supposed to leave
for Sondra and Elvin's

housewarming
party in half an hour.

Mm-hmm. You gonna take a shower?

Don't worry. I will get ready.

And if you're in
that much of a hurry,

Dabnis and Vanessa are coming.

And you go ahead,

and I'll ride over with Dabnis.



And who knows?
He and I may stop by

and fix a house or something.

Ha ha ha ha.

We've got a present!
We've got a present!

Guess what we got
for Sondra and Elvin.

Uh... a microwave oven.

Yes! How did I know?

Russell, that is such a
generous housewarming gift.

When my first grandchild
moves into her first house,

it's no time to pinch a penny.

What'd you get for
them, Heathcliff?

It is not the size.

It is the thought that counts.

Uh, what did you think about?



I thought... about...
Address labels?

Yes!

Yes. These are address labels.

But once again,

this is the thought behind it.

Here, my dear.

Read that.

And I will tell you
that this is pure poetry.

Olivia, why don't you
go upstairs, honey?

To get some more wrapping paper

for the microwave? Mm-hmm.

Yes!

This is the most thoughtless
gift I've ever seen.

Thoughtless.

But every time

Sondra and Elvin
take one of these off

and put it onto the envelope,

when they're mailing in
the check for the mortgage,

they will think about us.

We co-signed the loan.

Just like your mother and
I did for you, Heathcliff?

Dad, when you co-signed for us,

the interest rate was -4%.

Clair. Yes.

You are welcome
to sign your name

on the card for the microwave.

Well, thank you. No, go ahead.

[chuckling] I doesn't care.

Uh, by the way, have you heard

from Dabnis and Vanessa?

Oh, yes. They're driving all
the way up from Pennsylvania

for Sondra and Elvin's
housewarming party.

Well, uh... they may
have another reason.

That is if Gladys
Rogers is correct.

Oh, Lord.

Let's see. Gladys Rogers.

That's your cousin's
church-going friend

who never gets
her stories straight.

That's the one.

And what did Gladys Rogers

allegedly overhear?

The story is that
Dabnis and Vanessa

have set a date for the wedding,

and they're driving
up here to tell you.

I-I-I mean, where are you all?

So she... finally
made a decision.

I'm glad it's settled.

I mean, if she really
wants to get married at 19,

at least she picked a good man.

Dust off your tux.

I'll dust off my tool belt.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Hey, Elvin! How you doing?

We're getting ready to come over

to your housewarming,
guy. Just be ready!

Huh?

Well, just a minute.

Okay. Yeah, I'm wrapping your...

Your housewarming
gift right now.

Here she is. He
wants to talk to you.

And don't do nothing I
wouldn't do till I get there.

Give me this phone.

Hi, Elvin.

Yeah, what's up?

Oh. Oh, your furnace. That's...

That's terrible!

So when can you get
somebody there to fix it?

Not until tomorrow.

Wait. Well, why
didn't he tell me that?

Honey, you know how you can be.

[mouthing] No, no, no, no!

Really! It's fine! I mean,
it's just family, right?

So bring the party over here.

Yeah! I'll just tell everybody
we changed the venue.

Okay.

Bye.

How can you have
a housewarming...

at somebody else's house?

Now there's gonna have
a housewarming party

at a house they don't even own.

The furnace broke down.

This boy can't fix the
furnace by himself.

Got a son-in-law coming...

who will fix the house!

Dabnis... Brickleby.

And when Dabnis and
Vanessa get married,

if things break down
here, I call Dabnis.

My main son-in-law.

Drive 200 miles

to come and fix
his father-in-law's...

anything.

Okay. Here's the party
glasses you wanted.

Ooh, here come
Dabnis and Vanessa.

Now remember, everybody.

Not a word. We'll
let them surprise us.

With the ewz-nay
of the edding-way.

Ooo! I'm gonna be
an ower-flay irl-gay!

Hi! Hi!

Good to see you! Ooh!

Yes. Nice to see
you. Nice to see you.

Hi, Grandpa. Hi, Olivia.

So how you doing, sir? Oh,
well, everything's just fine.

Good. Just fine, D.B.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

'Course I've been
a little busy, myself.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.

Delivering a lot of
babies? No. No, no.

Just... fixing up
around the house.

Like for you to, uh,
give a little inspection.

The old D.B. inspection.

All right. I'd be happy
to. Done beautifully.

Thank you. Ha ha!

Grandpa, aren't you supposed
to be at Sondra and Elvin's?

Oh, our plans have been changed.

The party's here now. Oh.

Um, Mom, can I
talk to you and Dad

in the living room for a second?

Oh, certainly.

Keep on apping-wray.

Now listen.

No peeking.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

So, uh... [clearing throat]

[clearing throats]

[nervous chuckling]

Vanessa. Dabnis! Share.

Well...

we realize that when
we became engaged,

we kept it from you too long.

And we've learned from that.

And even though our
personal relationship is private,

we feel that any decisions
that affect the family,

we wanna be forthright.

Expedient. Direct.

Okay. Get on with it.

Well, we've given
this a lot of thought.

And, uh, given the fact that Dabnis
here isn't getting any younger...

[laughing]

we've mutually
decided to separate.

Yes, and I'm gonna
wear my tuxedo.

I-I... I want...

I'm putting on my tuxedo...

No. No, no. I'm
gonna give you away...

No. No. Hmm?

No tuxedo? Didn't you
hear what she said?

She said they're
going to separate.

They're breaking up.

That's right.

You're leaving us?

Well, don't worry, Dad.

We've spent a lot of
time talking this through.

And we decided it's
the best thing for us.

And... And that's it?

That's it.

Dabnis.

You're leaving us?

Maybe we should keep this

between the four of us for now.

We don't wanna ruin Sondra
and Elvin's housewarming.

Dabnis.

[all yelling] Hey! Party time!

Hey! Party! All right!

Would someone
help me with this sign?

Hot stuff coming
through! Hey, Grandpa.

So, Dabnis. How you doin', man?

I'm movin' on.

Does anyone wanna help
me do anything? Elvin?

Umm, yeah. You could help us

serve Mom and Dad
for the first time. Okay.

That's right. That's right.

Mom and Dad? This is
actually our housewarming,

so you're actually our guests.

Dad, don't put your
feet up on the furniture.

Oh, I need some
help with the lasagna.

Dabnis, could you spare
your fiancée for one minute?

Uh, sure.

Take all the time you want.

Well, wait, wait, wait!
No, no, no, ladies.

Not yet. Not yet. We
have to have a toast.

That's right. I'm sure we all
have something to toast about.

Okay, um... [clears throat]

Mom. Dad.

Family.

A house is...

different things
to different people.

Yeah, you got that right.

To, uh, a builder, it's a job.

To a termite, it's
a hearty meal.

By the way, Dad,
remind me to talk to you

about something, later.

Home.

H is for the hugs that
we'll always share.

O is for the oh, so
many memories.

M is... Is for the mortgage.

Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Mom.

We... We haven't forgotten.

[clears throat] E...

Is for the exterminator!

That I'm paying for! Dad, Dad...

E is for evaporation
'cause my drink's drying up.

[All] Hear, hear!

I'd like to make another toast.

You know, we never
did get a chance

to properly welcome
Dabnis Brickey

into our family,

and this may be the
most appropriate time.

Uh, Dad? I think...

No, no, that's
right! That's right.

That was actually my E,

before I was cut off.

E is...

especially for
Dabnis and Vanessa,

who came all the
way from Pennsylvania

to warm our home.

And one day, we
will find ourselves

toasting them in their own home.

To another brother-in-law.

Vanessa, could we, uh,

speak to you in
the kitchen, please?

Sure.

Dabnis, is everything all right?

Oh, my, yes.

I can't think of a
more happy occasion.

Uh, new home.

New beginnings.

Here's to everybody
finding their place in life.

[All] Hear, hear!

Uh, welcome to the family.

Hmm...

All right, Vanessa.
What happened? Really?

Mom, Dabnis and I
have been out of sync

for some time now.

And every time I talk to
him about the wedding,

we just get more out of synch.

So one night, we were
taking a walk around campus.

And we stopped at the quad lawn

where he first saw me?

You know, that begonia bed

he was riding around
with his mower?

And that night, to my surprise,

there just weren't any begonias.

Well, sweetheart, it's winter.

[Vanessa] Yes!

Mother, I know that it's winter.

But there wasn't even any dirt!

Dabnis had cemented
over the entire begonia bed.

Cement.

Cement.

Now he said it was
a drainage problem,

and I'm sure that
it probably was.

But I saw that slab of
cement as a symbol.

And it made me
take a long, hard look

at our relationship.

Yeah, cement will do that to ya.

And you know what
I saw in that cement?

Dabnis really, really
wants to get married.

And you know what?

I'm just not ready.

You're very wise.

Thank you.

I hope you understand.

Well, the important thing

is that you and Dabnis have
reached an understanding.

A complete and
final understanding.

Oh, definitely.

I've given Dabnis
back his ring, and...

he's slowly but surely
putting his life back together.

Vanessa, we will
always be here for you.

Thank you, Mom.

Dad. Yes.

And you, you, you...
You're gonna be all right.

I'm gonna be fine.
And you can get on

With your life. Yes.

And you'll be fine.

I'll be fine. Are you
gonna be fine, Dad?

Oh. I'm going... I'm
gonna be wonderful.

All right. Go ahead.

Think I owe the
family an explanation.

Yes. Yes.

All right. Thanks, Dad.

Oh, you're welcome.

I'm gonna put her out
and bring Dabnis in here.

See, he makes more
sense than she does.

She's worried about
the begonia bed.

So we will take up the cement

and give her all the begonias.

But I want Dabnis with me.

I'm not sick. I know.

But whatever happened

to the dark side of life,

and Dab... repeat. What was it?

I know the dark side.

You think I don't know the d...

I know that love
can be a flume ride

through space, spiraling down

to death, destruction,
and old age.

I know the dark side.

But as long as
Dabnis is by my side,

I can face the dark side.

Until...

Got the rake. Got
the hoe. The etcher...

[knocking on door]
Where's my shovel?

Come in!

Bring you down some
dinner, Dr. Huxtable. Oh!

Thank you. Thank you.

Just, uh, doing a little
inventory. Oh. Okay.

Thank you. If you
wanna be alone,

uh, I'd understand.
Oh, no. No, no, no.

That's okay. Pull a
chair up, man. Oh.

Pull a chair up, Dabnis. Okay.

Come on. Come on.
Come on! [chuckles]

Well, well, well,
well, well, well, well.

So... that's it. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know, I, um...

I know the beginning.

You know?

The begonia bed. You know.

I know the end. The cement rock.

But fill me in on the middle.

I mean, what... what happened?

Well, sir... Your
daughter... Yeah.

Vanessa. Uh, yes.

Vanessa's a good person, sir.

She's got a captivating beauty.

A driven intelligence.
A healthy curiosity.

And a wonderful vocabulary.

You're not Vanessa's
campaign manager.

Tell me.

What... what happened?

Well, sir, Dr. Huxtable,

your daughter
Vanessa... There ya go.

Vanessa is... tall.

She's well-received.

She's immaculately groomed.

And she's got a
tremendous vocabulary.

Dabnis? Okay. Yes, sir.

You're, you're, you're... you're
flying an airplane. Yes, sir.

You've made two approaches.

And you keep pulling up.

I want you to land
this plane, now.

Bring it on in. Okay.

Vanessa is... Vanessa is

everything I thought I wanted.

I'm running out of fuel, Dabnis.

Vanessa is annoying.
Are you happy?

No, I'm not happy.

I'm not happy that my
daughter is annoying.

Nobody's happy with that.

See... Dr. Huxtable,

Vanessa just makes
everything so complicated. Yeah.

I mean... take, for
instance, our relationship.

Yup. Instead of
just coming right out

and saying what's on her mind,

she goes all the way
around Robin Hood's barn,

and analyzes everything!
There you go. Yeah.

One week, she
compared us to a forest.

The next week, we
were sailboats. Mm-hmm.

And you were here for the
emotional map to the salad bar.

Oh, yeah. I was
here for the salad bar.

But one thing was
clear to me. Mm-hmm.

I realized three months ago,

this girl did not
want to get married.

[huffs] But she
just couldn't admit

that the engagement
was a mistake.

Yeah. Yup. Yup. So I
just made it easy for her.

I pushed her and
pushed her to set a date,

till she couldn't
stand it anymore.

She broke up with me.

It didn't register,

while she was running
you all over the place

that something was wrong

and maybe you should push her?

Well... Hm?

I thought maybe
we could work it out.

Yeah. So you're a
little funny, yourself.

Obviously, uh...

you know, you're gonna
be missed around here.

I, uh...

got a lot of things
around here...

that, um, I'm gonna fix.
And of course, I could...

I'm gonna do it myself. Yes,
sir, you can fix it. Yes, sir.

But, sure,

it would have been
nice if you could've...

You know, been here.

But, you know,

now that you've
broken up, it, uh...

Just wouldn't be
the same, would it?

Well, maybe I could
come around some time

and help you fix
some of this stuff, sir.

Oh, you could, couldn't you?

But you're right.

It wouldn't be the same.

Yeah.

Wouldn't be the same.

Well, Elvin, judging
from what you say,

your furnace problem
could simply be

that your nozzle is blocked.

You think so?

Gotta be, man.

To fix it takes about an hour.

All you have to do
is prime your pump,

clean your nozzle
and your electrodes,

scrape you filter,
and start it up.

[Cliff] Umm... Uh,
excuse me. Yes.

Are you saying

that this sounds like
about an hour's work,

and if that was done,

then he could be
back in a heated home,

in about an hour? Yes, sir.

Uh, Elvin? What did
you do with those stickers

that I gave you?
Right here, Dad.

Okay. Uh, give...
Give me these stickers.

Sondra, do you have
the keys to your house?

Sure. Okay.
That'll be just fine.

Give me the keys. Thank you.

Um, Dad? Yeah?

I want you to do me a favor.

And give me about 45 minutes,

and then everything that you see

with a sticker like this on it,

you put it in the car

and send it on out
to New Brunswick.

'Cause we're gonna
go fix the house.

No, wait. I gotta go...
No! You stay here.

You don't know
how to fix anything.

You stay here.

I'm goin' with my man Dabnis.

See you, everybody. All right?

Bye. Now, everybody,
show slides.

Turn the lights
out. Show slides.

That way, they'll really
be ready to come home.

♪♪ [theme]

Closed-Captioning By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA