The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 19 - No More Mr. Nice Guy - full transcript

♪♪

Come here, you.

Yeah.

Olivia! Hmm?

What are you doing
with that turkey?

Making dinner.

I'm making our favorite,

turkey stuffed with
french fries. Mm!

When did we ever have
turkey stuffed with french fries?

Never, but can't
you just taste it?

I have an idea.



Why don't you make dinner
on your play stove, okay?

Because I'm not
making play dinner.

I'm making real
food for real people.

Sweetie, you're really
not old enough to cook.

Yes, I am. I'm almost 5.

That's still too young.

I'm always too young.

When I grow up, I'm gonna
make turkey stuffed with french fries

for the whole world, and
I'm gonna do whatever I want.

Well, you know, nobody
gets to do whatever they want.

The president does.

Well, you're not
the president, okay?

Maybe not now, but
when I am, watch out!

All right. All right, let's
get serious now, okay?



All right. All right.

Can a representative
win an election

without the popular vote?

If the candidate's not popular,

why waste everybody's
time runnin'?

All right, come on,
answer the question.

All right. All right. Those who know
know that only the president can.

Now here's one
right back at you.

Wait! Wait, this
is my favorite part.

♪♪

No, girl friend. Come on.

Now, we gotta stay
in the study mode,

or we'll never gonna
get through this.

All right, come on, I'm ready.

All right. Now, Miss Tucker,

who is the Speaker of the House?

In this house? Dr. Huxtable.

Come on, girl. I'm serious.

Well, you didn't say
which house. All right.

Thomas Foley.

You didn't think I
knew that, did you?

No. You know what
state he's from?

He's from Washington State,
and he happens to be a...

Democrat.

Go ahead with your bad self.

Well, I may be bad,

but together we are
academically dangerous.

Hello, Harvard? Wait
a minute. Hold on.

I got a bigger college
on the other line.

Go ahead. I told Princeton
we'd get back to 'em.

Oh, okay. Say, Harvard?

Why don't you take a number

and get in line behind Spellman?

All right.

Okay, what's next?

The three branches
of the government,

if that's in your
body of knowledge.

It is, and it's about to
come out of my mouth.

Legislative, they
create the laws,

judicial, they interpret
the laws, and executive...

They ignore the laws.

Oh, it's getting a
little quiet in here.

♪♪

Well, girl friend, I can't
let you dance alone.

Now our brains can really jam.

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Hey, ho-ho, ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ Ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho ♪

Hey, what are you guys doing?

Studying. Studying.

What, the latest dance steps?

No, American
history. Government.

Excuse me. We're
out of potato chips.

So, Pam, how are you
doing in history anyway?

Oh, on my last
test, I got a low C.

That's probably because
the studying you're doing

is harder on your legs
than it is on your brain.

Funny, Theo.

Well, when do you
start studying for a test?

When I have to,
the night before.

That way it's fresh,

and I don't have
to keep it my brain

any longer than necessary.

I used that line, too.

And I also got Cs when
I studied with my friends.

We listened to music, played
around, shoot a few hoops.

It was fun, but it sure wasn't
fun bringing those grades home.

Are you trying to tell me I
should study without the music?

And maybe without
other people, too.

That's no fun.

That's the only time we get
to catch up on current events

and learn the
latest dance steps.

Besides, when one of
us gets the right answer,

we congratulate each other.

Oh, come on. You
can do that alone.

When I'm by myself
and I get a right answer,

I give myself a high five.

You know, hey,
Theo. Way to go, Theo.

And if I'm doing really well,

I start dancing with myself.

♪ Go, Theo, go, Theo,
go, Theo, go, Theo ♪

Don't you feel a little silly?

Not when I'm pulling
in a B-plus average, no.

Sure, like I could get a B-plus
average just by studying alone.

You can.

Look, if you want, I can
give you some study tips

that really helped
me along the way.

Um, Charmaine, Theo wants
to give us some study tips.

Ooh, study tips
from a college man.

I feel smarter already.

All right with that.

Now, for starters,
no music, all right?

No food, no talking...

Well, I do that at home.

I mean, Pam and I study together

so we can hang out and have fun.

You mean, when you leave here,

you go home and study some more?

Yeah. Don't you?

No, I always thought

you were getting those grades

because you were really smart.

I am. I'm smart enough to know

that after I study here,

I better study
some more at home.

Excuse me.

Pam.

It opened the way for a
lot more African-Americans

to be elected to
public office. Excellent.

What other impact did the
Voting Rights Act of 1965 have?

Go ahead, Herman.

It had an economic impact.

Yes, very good.

Thank you very much.

How?

Lance. Lance? Hello.

Oh, my hand wasn't up.

Well, why don't
you give it a try?

They probably had
more jobs available.

All right, Lance.

Thank you very much.

Why? Charmaine.

Because there was a fairer
distribution of municipal contracts.

Yes, very good.

Stay in your seats.
I have your tests.

Oh, it's okay.
I'll get mine later.

You know, I just came
off that right answer,

so I don't want to spoil it.

Lance, stay right where you are.

I thought you liked me.

I like you.

It's my red pen that doesn't.

What'd you get, dude?

Mind your business.

You don't see me
looking over your shoulder.

Oh, that's all right.
I got an A minus.

You got a minus, all
right, with a D in front of it.

Wonderful improvement, Pam.

Thank you.

Stop the ride and let me off.

That's a B. That's
three Bs in a row, girl.

Yeah, let me off that ride, too,

'cause I don't know
how long I can stay on it.

Oh, I do. Just keep putting
in that extra study time.

Oh, I'll tell you
how she did it.

She was looking at my paper.

Yeah, whatever you put down,
she put down the opposite.

So what you gonna do
with all these Bs, Pam?

I don't know, but it'll
look good on my record.

Your record. Oh, don't tell me
you're thinking about college?

Well, why not?

My girlfriend here is
definitely college material.

Now, how's she
gonna get to college?

Look, Pam, you're living
in the Huxtable house,

but you don't have
Huxtable money, honey.

Hey, there are
scholarships, man.

You play football, Pam?

No, I do not play football.

And who said I was
going to college anyway?

And she didn't say
she wasn't, either.

Don't let them bother you, Pam.

They just saying
the first dumb thing

that comes into their heads,

which is usually followed
by the second dumb thing.

Look, I'll see you later.

I got to go to my
trigonometry class.

Oh, let me escort you 'cause I don't
like the way some of them trig guys

been looking at your hypotenuse.

Oh, Lance. You're
so jealous. I love it.

Hey, a lot of people are
smart enough to go to college,

but it don't mean
that they goin'.

Ha ha. Now, see,
there you go, Cinderella.

Before you know it, your
mom's gonna be coming home,

and you're gonna have to
move out of that Huxtable castle

back into that two-room pumpkin.

Now I remember why I
stopped going with you.

Your good sense gets lost

between your brain
and your mouth.

Now, see, that's okay.

I understand why you're
lashing out on me like this.

Because you know
that I'm telling the truth.

Why are you sitting here,
staring at these four walls?

Come on, we're young and
vital. Let's go rent a video.

Can't afford it.

What are you talking about?

It's on special. You
can't afford $1.49?

Not if I want to go to college.

You know a college
that costs a $1.49?

Listen, I hear what
you're saying, girl friend,

but I do not understand
what you're talking about.

You know, I don't
know why I work so hard

to get good grades for college.

I can't afford it anyway.

Well, you'll find a
way. You always do.

I mean, you're a survivor.

You're resourceful,
You're tough.

Me? Are you kidding?

No, of course you are.

This is Charmaine
you're talking to, okay?

The same Charmaine that watched
you stand up to Vonzella Harding

when we were 10 years old,

and she tried to take our lunch
money for her cigarette habit.

You stood up to her with me.

No, I stood up
to her behind you.

Didn't you hear
my knees knocking?

Well, I wasn't giving
up my lunch money.

I happen to like lunch.

You almost had
Vonzella for lunch.

I just did what I had to do.

You're always doing
what you have to do.

Like when your
grandmother got sick,

and your mother had to
leave and take care of her,

there you were, thrown in
with people you hardly knew.

You know how I would've been in
this house with these perfect people?

Honey, I would've sat so still,

they would've thought I
was a piece of the furniture.

Charmaine, you make
yourself at home anywhere.

If they put you in a lion's den,

you would have them in
there trying on your jewelry.

I can be charming
in difficult situations.

But you're good at
the important stuff.

Like remember those skates?

What skates?

Remember those new
shoe skates that we wanted,

but we couldn't afford them?

I gave up, but you didn't.

You went down to that
store and talked that guy

into holding a pair for a
week for 50 cents down.

You said, "Those skates
got my name on them."

Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

You went to the store
and ran errands for people,

you delivered coffee
to the barbershop,

and you even delivered
pizzas to the pool hall.

That's right. And the
next week, I was skating.

Honey, you are Pam
Tucker, superstudent,

who works, goes to
school, gets good grades,

and still have time to
hang out with Charmaine.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

You're right, I can do it.

Yeah, thanks, Charmaine.

I'm just calling
'em as I see 'em.

Right. Right.

And when I go to
college, I'm gonna study...

I'll study... I'll study...

Study what? I don't
know what I want to be.

Do you know what you want to be?

Yeah, I intend to be
a dental technician...

Unless I become a
flight attendant first.

Then again, telephone
repairwomen do make good money.

Make a choice. Make a choice.

Wait, there's more. Um...

No, you don't know what
you wanna be, either.

Well, so? So I don't
have a clue. So what?

How are we supposed
to know anyway?

I don't know. I guess
you have to be hit

with some kind of
inspiration or something.

Did it hit you yet?

Mm-mm.

Ooh. What you
doing, Spodie-odie?

Making my own flag.

Your own flag, huh?

Yes, when I grow up,
I'm gonna be president.

President?

Yes, president gets to
do anything she wants.

I see.

She gets to make turkey
stuffed with french fries,

and gets to stay up
real, real late, too.

How late does
she get to stay up?

About when the
dishwasher goes off.

That happens to be the
time that I fall asleep, also.

And there's one thing
the president does, too.

What? She tucks everyone
in who voted for her.

So if I vote for you...

If you vote for me,
tuck, tuck, tuck.

You have my vote.

Deal. All right.

Now, what are we drawing here?

A flag.

A flag? Yeah.

Where's my paper?

This is your paper.

I want a flag.

You get one crayon,
and this is our flag.

No, no. Not our flag. I
wanna do my own flag.

Okay, then we'll turn it over.

Turn the paper... Okay.

There's something
already on this side.

Well, you do your flag right...

My flag'll be...
No, no, come on.

My flag'll be smaller.

I want a big flag.

You can choose.

No, I'm gonna do a flag
bigger than your flag,

because you... I'll
be a bigger president.

No, no! It's all drawn!

Come on now!

Come on! You can't do...
These are my crayons!

No, they aren't.

Hey! Come on!

Now, this'll be my
flag, and these...

I don't want any stars...

I want... I'm gonna...

Okay, now read the
chapters on the New Deal

and Franklin Roosevelt's
first term in office.

And there may be a quiz on it.

Hold it. Hold it.

Last time you said there
was gonna be a quiz,

there wasn't, and I wasted
all my time reading that stuff.

Well, you're just gonna have to
waste your time again, darling.

So, Pam, you wanna
study for this one together?

No, we have a system, remember?

We study alone.

Yeah, let's not
mess with success.

Ah, there they
go. The B sisters.

In case you haven't heard,

Pam got a A-minus
on her last biology test.

Oh, wow.

Now that's money in the bank.

But anybody wanna
tell me the last biologist

that was drafted into the NBA?

I never heard anybody say,
"Thank you, biology, for my new car."

You know, I got this
A because I wanted to,

not because I was thinking
what it could get for me.

Oh, well, excuse
me, Miss Einstein.

Pam, don't even waste
your breath on them.

To them, A is not a grade,

it's just the first
letter in the alphabet.

Ooh. Ooh.

Sounds like my baby
is challenging you guys.

It sounds like she's
challenging you, too.

Is that right?

If the grade fits.

Pam, did you notice
an absence of "Ooh"

when I said
something very clever?

Are you trying to tell me I can't
get an A any time I want to?

I'm telling you, you couldn't get an
A if you made up the test yourself.

Ooh.

Miss Hobbs? Miss Hobbs? Yes?

Isn't it true that you
can be successful

without going to college?

Sure, you can, Arthur.

Now, see, there you
go. Now, check it.

I got six brothers and sisters,

so ain't no way
I'm going to college.

But I got a part time job now,

and when I get out of
school, I'll be a full time driver.

In a year's time, I'll
have my own truck.

And by the time
you'll get out of school,

I'll have a whole
fleet of them trucks.

And, uh... if you're
nice to me, Pam,

I might let you
answer my phones.

Where you gonna
keep a fleet of trucks

in the projects, brother?

Well, that's a very
good idea, Arthur,

but every good business
person needs a plan.

I just told you my plan.

Sit down, Arthur.

That was not a plan.
That was an aspiration.

What you want to do requires
long-term financial planning.

You need to learn more
about business loans

and accounting and personnel.

So you have to study whether
you go to college or not.

Exactly.

Well, I'm not thinking

about going to college, either,

but I'm gonna get a good job.

I intend on being a
landscaper at Central Park.

I ain't know you
like flowers, Herman.

Yes, I have many plans
of beautifying this city.

A peaceful place for everybody,

especially kids and
old people, you know.

Yo, but check it, you gotta
learn how to do that, too.

Ain't nobody gonna
let you beautify nothing

if you ain't got no training.

I know that.

That's why I'm getting a
job at the Parks Department

and work my way up to it.

But first you have to
pass a civil service exam.

So you have to study,
too. Welcome to the club.

Ain't nothing
to it. I can do it.

Look, there are a lot of
opportunities out there,

and they don't
all require college.

And you don't have to
sell hamburgers, either.

No, you don't.

You can sell chicken
or tacos or something.

Lance.

Just a little fast food humor.

Yo, Pam, if you wanna go
to college, I think that's cool.

You got my full support.

Thank you.

Lance, why don't you tell
everybody what you wanna do.

Uh, sweetie...

You keepin' a secret from us?

Lance wants to be an architect.

He's gonna design
our dream house.

Do I hear laughin'?

That's wonderful, Lance,

but to be an architect,
you have to do well

in mathematics,
physics, and drawing.

And, Lance, my man,
from your grades,

it seems that you are
doing very little mathematics.

And I'm not saying you're
not gonna pass physics,

but if you are, you
should be taking it.

See, I'm just
starting to gear up

on my big academic push.

Yo, well, check it.

The last time I saw
you draw something

was in the seventh grade,

and I believe it was
a Sherman tank.

A tank? I hope you don't
think we're gonna live in a tank.

No, baby. See, all of
my ideas are up here.

Well, you better get some of those
ideas up there down on some paper.

Next semester, I'm
gonna take physics.

And I told you I was
gonna draw something.

I'm gonna draw that house
I told y'all I was gonna draw.

Y'all wait till y'all
see the rotunda.

Rotunda. Rotunda, yeah.

What are you doing?

Huh?

What are you doing?

I thought you said this
thing was self-cleaning.

It is, darling.

And yourself is cleaning it.

Ah.

Hi, cousins.

How you doing?

Well, how was school today?

It was good. It was good.

You know, me and
some of my friends

were talking with Miss
Hobbs about our futures,

and she said if we
wanted to go to college,

there were a lot of
options available.

She's right, there are.

You know, when
I first came here,

you people didn't look
all that good to me.

But you welcomed me,
made me feel at home,

gave me curfew,

gave me some
powerful connections.

Yeah, yeah.

You still didn't look
all that good to me.

But now that my vision's
starting to clear up,

you're starting to look...

You're starting
to look pretty nice.

Just in case I do
decide to go to college,

I'm studying.

Ooh.

She's trying to
get into college?

She can't even
get out of the door.

Well, dear, if she's
gonna go to college,

how's she gonna pay for it?

Oh, that's the
least of her worries.

I beg your pardon?

Don't be silly. She'll work.

She's going to work?

She can work like I did.

She can work in the
post office like I did.

Dear, you worked in the post
office during the Christmas holidays.

Sweetheart, where
there's a will, there's a way.

You know that.

How is she going to
pay for the college, dear?

All she needs is the will.

Well, somebody's
gotta make up their mind

that we're gonna pay
for her to go to college.

I mean, working
in the post office,

hat checking, those are
fine little incidental things,

but... she didn't say
community college.

She didn't say she wanted
you to pay for it, either.

No, but she told us that
she was studying hard,

and "I didn't like you
all in the beginning,

but I like you now," like
she's doing us a favor.

Well, I don't think
I like her now.

I'm just saying, let's
make up our minds now.

Are we gonna
pay for this or not?

Don't give me that
about the post office

'cause you were the only one

that looked cute in the
post office in Harlem.

Speaking of post office,
why don't we play that?

♪♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA