The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 16 - Adventures in Babysitting - full transcript

♪♪

Every time, you make fun
of what I'm talking about.

But I'm telling you, that's
the way it's going to work.

Listen, the smartest
thing you ever did

was asking me to be your
partner in this tournament.

You're looking at
yourself when you say that

because you will
be riding the back

of the man who's going to
take you to the championship

of the charity
Pinochle tournament.

Yes, you do look
like a beast of burden.

I hope you don't play
Pinochle like a donkey.



Dr. Harmon, I play
Pinochle like a shark.

But what I want to see

is less talk and
more card playing.

Well, so do I.

I'm tired of Thompson and Phelps

winning the tournament
year after year.

That's why I asked
you to be my partner.

I have nothing against Clair,

but she doesn't play to win.

You know, Nicole is
the same way. Yeah.

She plays for fun.

You have to be
ruthless, have no mercy.

We'll polish off
Thompson and Phelps

like a couple of hors
d'oeuvres. That's right!



Now let's talk
about our signals.

Now you're talking. Now
you're talking, partner.

Now, when I have a
strong hand... Mm-hmm.

I'll say something like...

"Mrs. Jackson's hip
is mending beautifully."

You... You're gonna
say it like that?

Yeah!

Can the people
playing against us see?

Because if you're
gonna sit there and say

"Mrs. Jackson's hip is
mending beautifully..."

Okay, give me an example...

Give me an example
of one of your signals.

Go ahead. Now check this out.

You know... the
pump flows freely

and makes the river run wild.

Listen to what I'm saying.

The pump... The
pump... hearts...

flows, or runs... Flow! Run!

Freely.

The river, wild.

That means you
play your trump first.

Huxtable, this is
Pinochle, not the CIA!

Look, let's play out
this hand, all right?

Is your wife upset
because you're not

playing with her
in the tournament?

No, and Clair
shouldn't be, either.

You're not that good anyway.

Hey, honey. How you feeling?

Fine.

Dear? Hmm?

You're not upset with me

because you're
not playing with me

in this tournament, are you?

Any woman in her right
mind would be disappointed

not to be able to play
with a Pinochle expert.

You're laughing, see,

but inside, that
woman is torn up.

What are you laughing at?

I'm laughing at Cliff.

He's so silly.

He thinks I'm upset because
I'm not playing with him.

Same thing with James,
the Pinochle King.

Clair, I'd rather play with
you than him any day.

Well, thank you very much.
I'd rather play with you, too.

Somebody who's
not so competitive.

All I ever hear is...

"Why did you play that card?

What kind of bid
was that anyway?"

And I know you've
heard this one.

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

Oh!

Suppose we did
wind up playing them.

That would be fine with me.

I can read James like a book.

When James has a bad hand,

he starts to smooth
his beard like this.

And when he has a good hand,

he starts rocking
from side to side.

When Cliff has a
bad hand... Uh-huh.

He sits very still,

and his face gets very long.

But when he has a good hand,

his head starts...

See, that's why y'all
don't win nothing.

Hey, Mom, all ready for
the Pinochle tournament?

Uh-huh!

You and Nicole have your
strategies all worked out?

Are you getting worried?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No, no.

Hey. Martin.

Running a little
late, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

We have got a serious
babysitting problems tonight.

Sondra and Elvin
can't watch Olivia

because the twins
have got the chicken pox.

Oh, yes. I heard about that.

I've been through the
babysitting list from A to Z. No luck.

I'm desperate.

I know someone who's available.

Someone who is very responsible.

A babysitter extraordinaire.

You wouldn't, by any chance,

be talking about Rudy
Huxtable, would you?

Well, thank you very
much for volunteering, Rudy,

but I don't think you're
ready for this responsibility.

Denise was 12 years old

when she first babysat
me, right, Mom?

Oh, honey, how am I supposed
to remember how old Denise was?

We can't even remember
how old she is now.

Come on, Martin, please?

Please?

Well, I guess I'm in
no position to argue.

Okay, Rudy, you got it.

Brother-in-law, you are
making one good deal.

You're gonna be amazed
at my babysitting talents.

I, uh, assume this
is a paying job?

Yes, it is. How
much do you want?

$5.00. You got it.

I meant 7.

7?

This is awful short notice.

Let me take this deal now
before the price goes up.

There you go.

This is only $5.00.

You'll get the other 2 when I
know my daughter is still alive.

Good-bye.

It's nice to see
one of my children

bringing some
money into the house.

Hi!

Guess what, Olivia.

I'm gonna be
babysitting you tonight.

Great! We're gonna
have fun together!

If you pay attention
to your sitter.

Rudy, please remember that I've left the
number where we're gonna be on the fridge.

Okay. And do
me a favor, you all.

I would like to find this house

in the same condition
as when we left it.

Dad, please, I'm 12 years old.

All right, Rudy. Now
remember, Olivia's bedtime...

Is at 8.

And don't forget
to... Lock up after us.

Mom, I've got it covered.

What time can I expect you back?

Well, your mother
will be back early,

but I'll still be at
the tournament.

I will not dignify that remark.

Tonight, my cards
will do the talking.

Yes, well, I hope your cards

are worthy of the
person playing with them.

And I do hope that you
will button up, buttercup,

because that wind
is gusty out there.

Well, that's no problem there.

Bye, sweetheart. Bye, Olivia.

Don't forget.

Lock up after you.

Now, time for the
TV and ice cream.

Whoa, whoa! Hold on!

You already had ice cream.

Now go upstairs,
brush your teeth,

and get into your pajamas.

You sound like a real sitter.

Thank you very much.

And then when you're done,

maybe you can watch a little TV.

Oh, man.

♪♪

Oh, Danielle, listen to this.

First, Olivia asked
me for water.

We both know that trick.

And then she told me that Denise

lets her take the
mattresses off her bed

and build a fort with them
before she goes to sleep.

Remember when we
used to try that trick?

Uh-uh. I put her in the bed...

Um, I gotta go. I got
everything covered.

Uh-huh. See you tomorrow. Bye.

Olivia, what are you doing up?

I can't go to sleep.

Is it okay if I
watch TV with you?

Forget it. I already
let you watch TV.

Now go upstairs to bed.

Just ten more minutes. Please?

I'm sure I'll fall
right to sleep.

I can feel my eyes
closing right now.

This is a scary move.

I don't want you
to have nightmares.

I like scary movies.

Ten more minutes. Please?

All right. Ten more minutes.

And not because of
that pitiful look, either.

I know those looks.

I was an expert at them.

Wow. That street is really dark.

Uh-oh! He stopped walking!

Rudy, what's happening
to that man's face?

Well, he a vampire most nights,

but tonight, because
there's a full moon out,

he's a vampire and a werewolf.

Olivia, it's just a movie!

I know! I know! I know! I know!

Aah!

Olivia, please go to bed.

I can't go to bed by myself.

I'm scared that the vampire
wolves are going to get me.

Olivia, they're not going to
get you 'cause they're not real.

Yes, they are. They're
gonna get me and eat me.

Anyway, they're in London.

Why did you do that?

Because it was scaring you.

But I have to see the end.

Why?

To make sure all the
vampire wolves are dead.

Olivia, I'm not turning
the television back on

until you go upstairs
and go to bed.

What was that?

It was probably just the
wind blowing the back gate.

I'm scared. I want
Daddy and Denise.

Olivia, they're in Washington.

Are there vampire
wolves in Washington?

No.

Then I want to go there!

Aah!

Waah!

Olivia, please stop crying.

I can't!

Please?

I can't!

If you stop crying, I'll
give you some ice cream.

Vanilla.

Yes.

Welcome!

Thanks for being a
sponsor in the tournament.

Thank you! Come on, Nicole.

Cliff? Uh-huh?

Nicole and I are
gonna freshen up.

We'll see you guys later. Okay.

Good luck. All right.

Aren't you wishing us luck?

You need skill, dear.

See, I would wish you skill,

but then I would still
be wishing, wouldn't I?

Look.

Oh, look at this.

Wow! Mmm!

Six months at my house,
six months at your house.

Partner! Deal!

All right!

Look at the little
poochie-poochie.

They even have a trophy
for the second-place winner.

It doesn't even say Pinochle.

It's too small!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the champions of
the last three years,

Carolyn Thompson
and Alfred Phelps.

Carolyn, Carolyn, look at that.

Ha ha ha ha! Now,
this trophy is beautiful!

And this one is a lot larger
than the one we won last year.

You're right.

I'll have to raise a
bookshelf just to fit it in.

And as always, six
months on my shelf,

six months on yours.

You got it, partner.

Dr. Huxtable.

Dr. Harmon.

Are you ready to
go to sleep now?

No, I'm still scared.

Okay. It is just a movie.

What was that?

It was just the wind.

Go close the window! The
vampire wolves are gonna get us!

Olivia, I have to
put you to bed now.

They're on our roof!

Uh, no, that was
probably just a branch.

Um, I'll stay with you so
you won't be frightened.

Rudy, are you scared, too?

Of course not.

Aah!

Rudy, I thought
you weren't scared.

I'm not.

I just had to make
sure you were all right.

You are my responsibility.

Are you, uh, okay?

No, I'm scared the vampire
wolves are going to get me.

Olivia, for the last time,
there are no vampire wolves.

And they're gonna
get you, too, Rudy.

Out, out, out, out.

Thank you. You were
the greatest hostess ever.

You always lose
to us. Thank you.

Now we're in the
finals. We're in the finals.

Who do we play next?

Huxtable and Harmon,
Phelps and Thompson.

So they're still
playing over there.

All right. So we play
Phelps... Good luck.

Good luck. Thank you.

You're gonna need it.

We're gonna need
it. We don't need...

Say, listen, Phelps and
Thompson, take it easy.

These are our wives.

Yeah, we love these women.

If you beat them up too much,

you'll have to answer to us.

That's right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Game! Been a pleasure.

Mrs. Huxtable.

Mrs. Harmon.

You beat... You... You
beat Phelps and Thompson?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Aah!

Olivia, it's me, Rudy. Open up.

How do I know it's you?

Who does it sound like?

How do I know they didn't
turn you into a vampire wolf,

and you're just
trying to fool me?

If you don't open this door,

you are gonna
stay in there alone.

Did you see anything? No.

I turned on all the lights

and set booby-traps
on both stairways.

Great, great, great!

The pump...

flows strongly and runs wild.

The Knicks are a good club.

But the pump...

flows and runs... strong!

And you will look wild.

I say 36.

Ow.

Did you tell Hattie what
happened yesterday?

I certainly did, and she
filled me in on everything.

She told me how she
went over there on Saturday

and she stayed all day.

And how she pulled that
bed over to the window,

and she told Stella
she had to get better

because she had
a party to go to.

It's your play, Cliff.

That's a good thing, too.

I'll tell you, Stella looked
a lot better yesterday

than she did three days ago.

Oh, isn't that certain? Oh, yes.

I mean, we just didn't
know what to think.

You can't...

Cliff, it doesn't matter anyway

because you don't
have any trump. Play.

Well, you know
what I want to do.

I'm want to send some flowers.

Oh, that is so nice.

Do you know what
she really wants? What?

Janet Jackson's autograph.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Do you have any points, dear?

We have two.

Oh, that means we have 23.

I went for my second
set of X-rays yesterday,

and you know what
my chiropractor told me.

No, what?

Don't slouch, dear.
That's bad for your back.

He told me that I have
straightened up considerably.

Stop! And have more
space in my neck.

I go to mine tomorrow.

I have my first set of X-rays.

I am so excited.

I can't wait to hear what
he's gonna tell me. Play, Cliff.

Game.

We win.

We win.

All right!

Don't start with me, Huxtable.

Okay, let's have
one more picture

with the winners
and their husbands.

The winners and their husbands.

Well, sweetheart,
what do you think?

Isn't our trophy nice? Yes.

Where's your trophy, honey?

Cliff, you'll have
to hold your trophy.

Here! Hold it!

Now, sweetheart, go
stand next to Dr. Harmon.

And you can hold that trophy
together, and we'll hold ours.

Yes, James. Say cheese.

Oh, that was certainly
an enjoyable evening.

Yeah.

And who would have thought

that we would win
such a nice trophy?

Well, dear, you know,
since we're married,

I feel that half of that
trophy belongs to me, too.

The reality is, sweetheart,

what's ours is ours.

And what's yours
is in your pocket.

You're a nasty little woman.

Oh, my goodness. What is this?

Oh. Look at this.

All the lights are on?

And the TV is on.

And, dear, I know
exactly what happened.

What happened? Look at this.

Vampires and
Werewolves of London.

I told that girl about
watching those horror movies.

And got scared,
too. Look at this.

Why did they have
to tear the house up?

Because they're scared, dear.

Garlic. All over the bed.

Yeah.

And got a little cross made
out of a spoon and a fork.

Cliff, why is Olivia
holding that piece of meat?

Don't you understand, dear?

That's the steak to drive
trough the vampire's heart.

I'll get Rudy.

Yeah, and I've
got little Igor here.

I should bite one
of them on the neck.

♪♪

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