The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 15 - Total Control - full transcript
Cliff's patient & her husband are having a baby any day now and tell Cliff they have everything under control as they read books and watched videos to prepare for the birth. Everything is fine until the actual event starts.
♪♪
Oh, Doctor.
Alicia's getting dressed.
She'll be in in a minute.
Well, I'll tell you, it's been a long
nine months for Alicia and me,
but I have to thank
you, Dr. Huxtable,
for being with us
every step of the way.
And to show our
appreciation for you,
I'd like to give you some more
bread that I baked especially for you.
No, I have enough bread.
Well, you gotta
have the egg bread.
See, look, you gave me this...
I've got the seven grain.
And this is the raisin...
That's the sourdough.
This is the sourdough.
But don't forget, see...
You haven't eaten that yet?
No, no, not yet. I
wanted you to have it.
You know that
learning to bake bread
has been so fulfilling to me.
Being a high school
basketball coach
is a very tense
profession... Yes.
So baking sort of
relieves that tension.
It also allows
me to be creative.
If you'll notice, I baked
you this pumpernickel
in the shape of a doctor's bag.
Especially for
you. There you go.
And I think you might find these
tongue depressor
breadsticks amusing.
Say Ah. Ah.
Well, the doctor says
I'm in great shape, Ray.
Sweetheart. Yes, you are!
And I want you guys to know
that you will be new
parents any day now.
Okay. Well. we've had a
full nine months to prepare.
And we're ready.
Well, good. As prepared
as you think you are,
there may be some surprises.
He doesn't understand.
You don't understand, Doctor.
For us, there will
be no surprises.
You see, Dr. Huxtable,
we have planned
for every eventually.
Oh, good.
And we have completed
the natural childbirth classes.
We watched all the
birth chronicles on PBS.
And this book has
been our salvation.
Pregnancy And
Childbirth The Natural Way.
It show the step-by-step process
from conception to birth.
It even has today, our
last visit to the obstetrician.
That's 283.
283? Oh, there.
Here it is. That's you.
See? Our last visit to
the obstetrician, page 283.
Well, there you go. So you guys
have everything under control.
Uh-huh. But
wait, that's not all.
Now, you know what a
terrific basketball coach Ray is.
High school.
Montgomery Cubs High.
City champs. City champs.
He's even developed a
winning strategy for the birth.
Should we show him
our game plan, honey?
Well, I don't think it'll do any harm
to bring the doctor up to speed.
Okay. Play 3.
Play 3: beginning labor.
I feel a contraction.
Take your zone, honey,
as I pull out my stopwatch
because we breathe.
30 seconds. I
make a note of that,
and I start my stopwatch
again because...
I feel another contraction.
They're five minutes apart.
Then do you know what I do?
I go over to the phone.
I pick it up, and
I call the doctor.
That's you.
Hello? Dr. Huxtable,
this is Ray Evans.
My wife is experiencing
labor pains.
And then you say...
You say... "How
far apart are they?"
How far apart are they?
Good. Good, good.
They're five minutes.
And then you say...
You say, "You better get
her over to the hospital."
You better get her
over to the hospital.
Right!
Then I take my pre-packed bag,
and we take a
cab to the hospital.
I have the baby, and in a
few days, we're back home.
We're ready!
We're on top of
the game, Doctor.
We're doing all right.
I'm just a little concerned
about you. Ray!
Oh, hey, wait a minute.
How far apart are they?
You're there! You're there!
Get her to the
hospital. That's it!
All right!
Hey, how are you? Good.
Dr. Huxtable, how can
I make some money?
Well, what do you
want money for?
For some shampoo and
a big brush. For what?
For the pony I'm
getting for my birthday.
What makes you think you're
gonna get a pony for your birthday?
Well, last year, I wanted
a new tricycle. Yeah.
I got it. Right.
This year, I want a pony.
Well, I don't know
about all that, see,
because last year, I wanted
a Maserati for my birthday,
and Mrs. Huxtable
wouldn't let me have one.
Well, if you tell Daddy and
Denise that I want a pony,
I'll tell Mrs. Huxtable that
you want a Mister-raggy.
Now, wait, wait,
'cause Mrs. Huxtable is
tough, you understand?
Yeah, and she doesn't care
about, you know, little cute faces.
So I'll be Mrs. Huxtable. Okay.
Okay, I'm sitting here.
Mrs. Huxtable?
Yes, Olivia.
Can Dr. Huxtable have
a Mister-raggy, please?
No.
And don't come to me
again asking me that question.
What I'm saying is
that's not good enough.
Don't you have
something else? Another...
I got it. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Mrs. Huxtable?
Yes, darling?
What's the matter,
my little Olivia?
Can Dr. Huxtable have
a Mister-raggy, please?
Oh, you look so cute
and so sad, honey,
but the answer is no.
See, you gotta come at...
I'm telling you, she's tough.
Come on. You gotta go lower.
Please! Please!
Yeah!
Can Dr. Huxtable
have a Mister-raggy?
Please! Aah!
Uhh!
Uh-oh.
Don't ask! We lost!
Double overtime, 77-75.
Oh!
That's exactly how I felt.
I wouldn't have
minded it so much,
but it was just such a
perversion of justice.
Honey, I think...
Yeah, I wish the
ref could think.
He should have been
working the Tyson fight
instead of a basketball game.
My kid goes up for a 3-pointer
and is practically mugged!
Ohh!
Tell me about it.
But do we hear a
whistle? Fat chance!
What do you have to do
to get a whistle out there,
lose a limb?
Don't try to sooth me.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
He calls my man for traveling.
Right, ref.
If you don't have the
ball, it's called running!
Ugh! I was so upset,
I almost yanked my kids
off the court and went home.
Yaa!
Is something the
matter, sweetheart?
I'm having a contraction.
What are you talking
about? Now? Yes!
Why didn't you blow the whistle?
Well, I tried, but I was
having a contraction.
Well, then scratch the whistle,
but aren't you early?
Well, Dr. Huxtable said
it could be any day now.
What are you talking
about? He's the doctor.
He's supposed to know exactly
when our baby will be born.
Honey, he can only
give us an estimate.
Estimate? We're
paying him good money.
You don't pay for an estimate.
You either shoot, or you don't.
Time out! Time out!
Ray? Yeah?
Now, you can't put a
clock on Mother Nature.
We have practiced
for this for months.
We have.
It's game time. Yeah!
Are you ready to
play? I'm ready to play.
Okay! Play 3!
Play 3.
Where's my stopwatch? I
don't have my stopwatch.
It's on the bookcase.
The bookcase.
Now you go get my suitcase.
Your suitcase?
It's the blue bag.
Closet. It's in the closet.
Okay. No problem.
You sure it's in the closet?
I'm positive.
It's not in the closet.
Well... Oh, you're
right. It's right there.
What's it doing here? It's
supposed to be in the closet.
Now make sure that
we have everything.
Oh, yeah. We, uh,
we have everything.
We packed it together, right?
It's just that we
need... the book!
The book. I've got the
book. Our little baby bible.
Ow. Ow.
Hang on. Hang on.
See? Page 502?
You cervix is
starting to dilate.
So that means we have to make a
fast break for the hospital right now.
Wait a minute. Where...
Where are you going?
I'm going to just put
on some make-up.
Wait, wait.
Alicia, you don't need make-up!
Well, I'm not going to the
hospital looking like this.
Don't forget the
wedding picture.
The...
The wedding picture.
Yeah. Okay. I got it.
And we mustn't
forget you-know-who.
Franklin. Yeah.
Won't forget you,
big fella. Got him.
And those three
little pillows I made.
They're in the closet.
Yeah, the pillows. I'll get 'em.
Here they are!
Oh, and shouldn't
we call Dr. Huxtable?
Why, for another estimate?
Honey. Okay.
Play 3.
Yeah, play 3.
And don't forget the apple juice
and those plastic
champagne glasses.
Right.
I'll... I'll get them
in a second.
Hello! Dr. Huxtable,
this is Ray Evans.
Yeah, Ray. I think we, uh...
We better get over to
the hospital right away.
How far apart are they?
That's perfect.
What... What are you
talking about, Ray?
You said it just
like we practiced it.
Will you give me an answer?
What's the question?
How far apart are they?
I don't know!
Wait, Wait... Wait a second.
Honey, how far apart are they?
Well, you're the one
with the stopwatch!
Yes, but you're the
one with the whistle!
See, she's supposed
to blow the whistle,
then I start the stopwatch.
She didn't blow the whistle.
Okay. Listen, Ray, can
you give me an estimate?
An estimate? Yeah,
give me an estimate.
He wants an estimate!
How far apart are they?
Oh, I'd say about five minutes.
Oh, she'd say
about five minutes.
Okay. Well, then why don't
you guys get over to the hospital?
I gotta tell you, she's
upstairs putting on make-up.
I think she's lost her mind.
What does she think she's doing?
You... You relax, all right?
What does eyeliner have to
do with the birthing process?
That's all I want to know.
When she comes out, then
she'll be ready to go, all right?
All right, but what if she has the
baby before we get to the hospital?
You've got a book
there, haven't you?
I got the book right here.
Anything in the book
about the baby coming
out in the house?
Oh, my God. Let me look.
Oh, God. I didn't
mark that down.
Okay, then, Ray, do me a favor.
When she comes out of
the bathroom, get the bags.
You guys head for the hospital.
When you get to
the hospital, call me.
Okay, Doctor.
Thank you very much.
Hey, listen, Ray? Yes, sir.
How far apart are they?
Sweetheart?
Oh, and, honey? Yes?
Don't forget that Southing
Sounds Of Nature CD.
Oh, yeah. Did you want the "Brazilian
Rainforest" or "Whales In Love?"
Um... You know what?
I'll just bring both
of them, okay?
What's going on down there?
Nothing. I... I just
cleared the table.
Honey? What happened?
I... I had a little accident.
Oh!
Don't worry,
sweetheart. I'll be all right.
Oh, darling!
Did you call the cab?
You... No, no, that's right.
I'm supposed to
call the cab. Right.
Just remember what it
says in the book, sweetheart.
Don't panic, and breathe. Okay.
Honey...
is this breathing
making you dizzy?
No.
You know, I think
I'm doing it wrong.
Oh! Honey, are you all right?
Just a minute.
She'll talk to you.
Yes, we need a cab to 3266
Union for a Mr. and Mrs. Evans.
Thank you. Yeah, right away.
Cab's on its way.
Hey!
What... What are you doing?
Oh, hi, Doctor. I'm
making this for you.
It's gonna be a honey
wheat berry sneaker.
What size are you?
You can't knead dough
in the birthing room.
Well, it just... it helps me
stay on top of my game.
Well, if you wanna be on top of
the game, it's over here, okay?
So take that dough
on out, please,
and come back
and get to the game.
You're right.
I'm gonna get rid of this
and go wash my hands.
I'll be back in a
minute, precious.
I'll miss you, sweetie.
I'll miss you, too.
And don't forget:
we came in as two.
We're going out as three.
Concentrate on
the wedding picture!
Just focus on the
wedding picture!
Are you all right, hon?
She's just fine, Dr. Huxtable.
Aren't you, sweetheart?
He asked me, okay?
Sorry.
I'm doing... as good
as can be excepted
for someone who's been
waiting three hours to have a baby.
Now look, you're on schedule.
You're going to be fine, okay?
We're gonna be terrific, Doctor.
We? What we?
All you're doing is holding
up that dumb wedding picture!
May I see you outside, please?
Sweetheart... Uh-oh!
Oh, honey! Get ready!
You're gonna have another one.
Here it goes!
I think this is
gonna be a biggie!
It's topped what you've had yet!
Yeah! Here it comes!
Boom! Oh!
Whoo!
You should see this!
Would you stop looking
at that stupid monitor?
It's just such an
amazing machine.
Ray! Yes. I'm sorry.
Just breathe. Just breathe.
My back. Your back?
Here. Hang on.
Hang on, sweetheart.
Let me get the tennis
balls, and I'll massage you.
Wait a second. Massage...
Here we go. Here we go.
There. There. Does
that feel any better?
No, you're doing it all wrong.
Well, no, it says here
in the book, a circular...
Forget the book!
Ray, that is not
helping my back at all.
Try it straight up and down.
Excuse me, it's my back...
Oh. Up and down motion.
Yeah!
Here. Why don't you just
focus on the wedding picture?
That's the last
thing I want to see.
Honey, you don't mean that.
Yes, I do.
If it wasn't for you, I
wouldn't be in this agony!
Doctor Huxtable, she's
totally out of control.
You gotta give her
something. Can you?
Well, if you want
natural childbirth, no.
Well, what should I do?
Well, I wouldn't show
her the wedding picture.
It's not the wedding
picture, it's the man it it.
I can't do this anymore.
Ray. Yes, ma'am.
So what are you doing out here?
Did you see how she treated me?
Yeah. So what's your problem?
Well, nothing. I'm just shocked.
I... I thought I
really knew my wife.
That's not your wife.
That's a woman in
labor, and she needs you.
So come on.
Show some spunk!
Inside!
Go!
You're right.
She does need me.
And stay out!
Go on.
I can't do it!
Ray. What?
What did you think it
was going to be, son?
Hit a few jumpers and go home?
I've never seen her so
exhausted and so upset.
That's not my wife.
She can't even stand me.
She doesn't like me anymore.
I can't go through with it.
I don't think she can, either.
Oh, she's going to
go through with it.
Now, she's gonna have the baby
whether you go in there or not.
She threw the bear.
Yaah!
Ray. What?
You're a great coach.
I'm... I'm a good coach.
No! Not great.
That woman in there
and that rookie
ready to come out
will be the two greatest
people you'll ever coach,
and I want you to go in,
and I want you to coach
just like you did that
time for the Montgomery...
uh, uh, uh... Bears.
Montgomery Cubs.
Montgomery Cubs!
And, Ray, I understand
that you won the
League Championship.
City. You won the
City Championship.
And what happened, huh?
You were down, I understand,
in the third quarter 15 points.
Last quarter, 18 points.
Last quarter! 18 points!
You were down. And
what did they say?
They said, "That's
it, we got 'em.
The old pit-bull has had it."
The call me Bear Claw.
"The old Bear
Claw, he's finished."
The told me it was
over. "He's through!"
And you would never say die.
They thought they were gonna
take that championship trophy.
You would never say
die. I never say die.
They were gonna
go get that engraved
and put their school name on it.
I said, "Uh-uh. Uh-uh."
I called my men over and I
said, "Boys, boys, listen up.
"It's very, very easy to
win when you're winning,
"but it takes real winners
to win when you're losing."
What?
It didn't make sense then,
and it doesn't make
sense now, but it worked!
Yeah, it worked!
And they were down!
And then they got up! Ha!
Because you talked to
'em! You believed, huh?
And, Ray, inside there, inside,
you got one player
and a rookie...
Coming up.
I hear ya. I hear ya, Doctor.
All right, I'm ready to go.
Ready?
Break! Break!
The ball's in play.
Here's to the prettiest
woman in the world
and the most beautiful
little baby girl in the nursery.
Honey, I'm sorry I
called you those names.
I didn't even know
you knew them.
And I do like your mother.
She's a lovely woman.
Thank you.
And, of course, I will
let you touch me again.
Sometime.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Six weeks, I told you.
Dr. Huxtable, we're real sorry.
I think we got to apologize.
We might have seemed a
little overconfident in your office.
It's all right. I've
seen all that before,
except for the dough.
The dough part... I've
never seen the dough.
Well, I just want
you to know that I...
I think we did pretty good,
despite a couple of glitches
that were beyond our control.
Actually, I'm
pretty proud of us.
Actually, you did fine.
You got your rookie, and now
all you have to do is bring her up.
Hey. We're ready.
Wait till you see this.
No! No more bread!
No more bread!
Come on back. No bread.
No, it's a book.
It's A Parental Guide
For the 21st Century.
We've also ordered the
companion video cassette series.
It's all right here, Doctor.
I mean, it's a
brand-new ballgame.
Solid foods at three months.
With no teeth?
So she'll sleep
through the night.
And then at six
months, potty training.
Well, we can
be a little liberal.
Seven months.
Yeah, seven months.
And then at eight
months, teething.
Yeah, we might want
to start that a little early
so we got it under control.
♪♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
Oh, Doctor.
Alicia's getting dressed.
She'll be in in a minute.
Well, I'll tell you, it's been a long
nine months for Alicia and me,
but I have to thank
you, Dr. Huxtable,
for being with us
every step of the way.
And to show our
appreciation for you,
I'd like to give you some more
bread that I baked especially for you.
No, I have enough bread.
Well, you gotta
have the egg bread.
See, look, you gave me this...
I've got the seven grain.
And this is the raisin...
That's the sourdough.
This is the sourdough.
But don't forget, see...
You haven't eaten that yet?
No, no, not yet. I
wanted you to have it.
You know that
learning to bake bread
has been so fulfilling to me.
Being a high school
basketball coach
is a very tense
profession... Yes.
So baking sort of
relieves that tension.
It also allows
me to be creative.
If you'll notice, I baked
you this pumpernickel
in the shape of a doctor's bag.
Especially for
you. There you go.
And I think you might find these
tongue depressor
breadsticks amusing.
Say Ah. Ah.
Well, the doctor says
I'm in great shape, Ray.
Sweetheart. Yes, you are!
And I want you guys to know
that you will be new
parents any day now.
Okay. Well. we've had a
full nine months to prepare.
And we're ready.
Well, good. As prepared
as you think you are,
there may be some surprises.
He doesn't understand.
You don't understand, Doctor.
For us, there will
be no surprises.
You see, Dr. Huxtable,
we have planned
for every eventually.
Oh, good.
And we have completed
the natural childbirth classes.
We watched all the
birth chronicles on PBS.
And this book has
been our salvation.
Pregnancy And
Childbirth The Natural Way.
It show the step-by-step process
from conception to birth.
It even has today, our
last visit to the obstetrician.
That's 283.
283? Oh, there.
Here it is. That's you.
See? Our last visit to
the obstetrician, page 283.
Well, there you go. So you guys
have everything under control.
Uh-huh. But
wait, that's not all.
Now, you know what a
terrific basketball coach Ray is.
High school.
Montgomery Cubs High.
City champs. City champs.
He's even developed a
winning strategy for the birth.
Should we show him
our game plan, honey?
Well, I don't think it'll do any harm
to bring the doctor up to speed.
Okay. Play 3.
Play 3: beginning labor.
I feel a contraction.
Take your zone, honey,
as I pull out my stopwatch
because we breathe.
30 seconds. I
make a note of that,
and I start my stopwatch
again because...
I feel another contraction.
They're five minutes apart.
Then do you know what I do?
I go over to the phone.
I pick it up, and
I call the doctor.
That's you.
Hello? Dr. Huxtable,
this is Ray Evans.
My wife is experiencing
labor pains.
And then you say...
You say... "How
far apart are they?"
How far apart are they?
Good. Good, good.
They're five minutes.
And then you say...
You say, "You better get
her over to the hospital."
You better get her
over to the hospital.
Right!
Then I take my pre-packed bag,
and we take a
cab to the hospital.
I have the baby, and in a
few days, we're back home.
We're ready!
We're on top of
the game, Doctor.
We're doing all right.
I'm just a little concerned
about you. Ray!
Oh, hey, wait a minute.
How far apart are they?
You're there! You're there!
Get her to the
hospital. That's it!
All right!
Hey, how are you? Good.
Dr. Huxtable, how can
I make some money?
Well, what do you
want money for?
For some shampoo and
a big brush. For what?
For the pony I'm
getting for my birthday.
What makes you think you're
gonna get a pony for your birthday?
Well, last year, I wanted
a new tricycle. Yeah.
I got it. Right.
This year, I want a pony.
Well, I don't know
about all that, see,
because last year, I wanted
a Maserati for my birthday,
and Mrs. Huxtable
wouldn't let me have one.
Well, if you tell Daddy and
Denise that I want a pony,
I'll tell Mrs. Huxtable that
you want a Mister-raggy.
Now, wait, wait,
'cause Mrs. Huxtable is
tough, you understand?
Yeah, and she doesn't care
about, you know, little cute faces.
So I'll be Mrs. Huxtable. Okay.
Okay, I'm sitting here.
Mrs. Huxtable?
Yes, Olivia.
Can Dr. Huxtable have
a Mister-raggy, please?
No.
And don't come to me
again asking me that question.
What I'm saying is
that's not good enough.
Don't you have
something else? Another...
I got it. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Mrs. Huxtable?
Yes, darling?
What's the matter,
my little Olivia?
Can Dr. Huxtable have
a Mister-raggy, please?
Oh, you look so cute
and so sad, honey,
but the answer is no.
See, you gotta come at...
I'm telling you, she's tough.
Come on. You gotta go lower.
Please! Please!
Yeah!
Can Dr. Huxtable
have a Mister-raggy?
Please! Aah!
Uhh!
Uh-oh.
Don't ask! We lost!
Double overtime, 77-75.
Oh!
That's exactly how I felt.
I wouldn't have
minded it so much,
but it was just such a
perversion of justice.
Honey, I think...
Yeah, I wish the
ref could think.
He should have been
working the Tyson fight
instead of a basketball game.
My kid goes up for a 3-pointer
and is practically mugged!
Ohh!
Tell me about it.
But do we hear a
whistle? Fat chance!
What do you have to do
to get a whistle out there,
lose a limb?
Don't try to sooth me.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
He calls my man for traveling.
Right, ref.
If you don't have the
ball, it's called running!
Ugh! I was so upset,
I almost yanked my kids
off the court and went home.
Yaa!
Is something the
matter, sweetheart?
I'm having a contraction.
What are you talking
about? Now? Yes!
Why didn't you blow the whistle?
Well, I tried, but I was
having a contraction.
Well, then scratch the whistle,
but aren't you early?
Well, Dr. Huxtable said
it could be any day now.
What are you talking
about? He's the doctor.
He's supposed to know exactly
when our baby will be born.
Honey, he can only
give us an estimate.
Estimate? We're
paying him good money.
You don't pay for an estimate.
You either shoot, or you don't.
Time out! Time out!
Ray? Yeah?
Now, you can't put a
clock on Mother Nature.
We have practiced
for this for months.
We have.
It's game time. Yeah!
Are you ready to
play? I'm ready to play.
Okay! Play 3!
Play 3.
Where's my stopwatch? I
don't have my stopwatch.
It's on the bookcase.
The bookcase.
Now you go get my suitcase.
Your suitcase?
It's the blue bag.
Closet. It's in the closet.
Okay. No problem.
You sure it's in the closet?
I'm positive.
It's not in the closet.
Well... Oh, you're
right. It's right there.
What's it doing here? It's
supposed to be in the closet.
Now make sure that
we have everything.
Oh, yeah. We, uh,
we have everything.
We packed it together, right?
It's just that we
need... the book!
The book. I've got the
book. Our little baby bible.
Ow. Ow.
Hang on. Hang on.
See? Page 502?
You cervix is
starting to dilate.
So that means we have to make a
fast break for the hospital right now.
Wait a minute. Where...
Where are you going?
I'm going to just put
on some make-up.
Wait, wait.
Alicia, you don't need make-up!
Well, I'm not going to the
hospital looking like this.
Don't forget the
wedding picture.
The...
The wedding picture.
Yeah. Okay. I got it.
And we mustn't
forget you-know-who.
Franklin. Yeah.
Won't forget you,
big fella. Got him.
And those three
little pillows I made.
They're in the closet.
Yeah, the pillows. I'll get 'em.
Here they are!
Oh, and shouldn't
we call Dr. Huxtable?
Why, for another estimate?
Honey. Okay.
Play 3.
Yeah, play 3.
And don't forget the apple juice
and those plastic
champagne glasses.
Right.
I'll... I'll get them
in a second.
Hello! Dr. Huxtable,
this is Ray Evans.
Yeah, Ray. I think we, uh...
We better get over to
the hospital right away.
How far apart are they?
That's perfect.
What... What are you
talking about, Ray?
You said it just
like we practiced it.
Will you give me an answer?
What's the question?
How far apart are they?
I don't know!
Wait, Wait... Wait a second.
Honey, how far apart are they?
Well, you're the one
with the stopwatch!
Yes, but you're the
one with the whistle!
See, she's supposed
to blow the whistle,
then I start the stopwatch.
She didn't blow the whistle.
Okay. Listen, Ray, can
you give me an estimate?
An estimate? Yeah,
give me an estimate.
He wants an estimate!
How far apart are they?
Oh, I'd say about five minutes.
Oh, she'd say
about five minutes.
Okay. Well, then why don't
you guys get over to the hospital?
I gotta tell you, she's
upstairs putting on make-up.
I think she's lost her mind.
What does she think she's doing?
You... You relax, all right?
What does eyeliner have to
do with the birthing process?
That's all I want to know.
When she comes out, then
she'll be ready to go, all right?
All right, but what if she has the
baby before we get to the hospital?
You've got a book
there, haven't you?
I got the book right here.
Anything in the book
about the baby coming
out in the house?
Oh, my God. Let me look.
Oh, God. I didn't
mark that down.
Okay, then, Ray, do me a favor.
When she comes out of
the bathroom, get the bags.
You guys head for the hospital.
When you get to
the hospital, call me.
Okay, Doctor.
Thank you very much.
Hey, listen, Ray? Yes, sir.
How far apart are they?
Sweetheart?
Oh, and, honey? Yes?
Don't forget that Southing
Sounds Of Nature CD.
Oh, yeah. Did you want the "Brazilian
Rainforest" or "Whales In Love?"
Um... You know what?
I'll just bring both
of them, okay?
What's going on down there?
Nothing. I... I just
cleared the table.
Honey? What happened?
I... I had a little accident.
Oh!
Don't worry,
sweetheart. I'll be all right.
Oh, darling!
Did you call the cab?
You... No, no, that's right.
I'm supposed to
call the cab. Right.
Just remember what it
says in the book, sweetheart.
Don't panic, and breathe. Okay.
Honey...
is this breathing
making you dizzy?
No.
You know, I think
I'm doing it wrong.
Oh! Honey, are you all right?
Just a minute.
She'll talk to you.
Yes, we need a cab to 3266
Union for a Mr. and Mrs. Evans.
Thank you. Yeah, right away.
Cab's on its way.
Hey!
What... What are you doing?
Oh, hi, Doctor. I'm
making this for you.
It's gonna be a honey
wheat berry sneaker.
What size are you?
You can't knead dough
in the birthing room.
Well, it just... it helps me
stay on top of my game.
Well, if you wanna be on top of
the game, it's over here, okay?
So take that dough
on out, please,
and come back
and get to the game.
You're right.
I'm gonna get rid of this
and go wash my hands.
I'll be back in a
minute, precious.
I'll miss you, sweetie.
I'll miss you, too.
And don't forget:
we came in as two.
We're going out as three.
Concentrate on
the wedding picture!
Just focus on the
wedding picture!
Are you all right, hon?
She's just fine, Dr. Huxtable.
Aren't you, sweetheart?
He asked me, okay?
Sorry.
I'm doing... as good
as can be excepted
for someone who's been
waiting three hours to have a baby.
Now look, you're on schedule.
You're going to be fine, okay?
We're gonna be terrific, Doctor.
We? What we?
All you're doing is holding
up that dumb wedding picture!
May I see you outside, please?
Sweetheart... Uh-oh!
Oh, honey! Get ready!
You're gonna have another one.
Here it goes!
I think this is
gonna be a biggie!
It's topped what you've had yet!
Yeah! Here it comes!
Boom! Oh!
Whoo!
You should see this!
Would you stop looking
at that stupid monitor?
It's just such an
amazing machine.
Ray! Yes. I'm sorry.
Just breathe. Just breathe.
My back. Your back?
Here. Hang on.
Hang on, sweetheart.
Let me get the tennis
balls, and I'll massage you.
Wait a second. Massage...
Here we go. Here we go.
There. There. Does
that feel any better?
No, you're doing it all wrong.
Well, no, it says here
in the book, a circular...
Forget the book!
Ray, that is not
helping my back at all.
Try it straight up and down.
Excuse me, it's my back...
Oh. Up and down motion.
Yeah!
Here. Why don't you just
focus on the wedding picture?
That's the last
thing I want to see.
Honey, you don't mean that.
Yes, I do.
If it wasn't for you, I
wouldn't be in this agony!
Doctor Huxtable, she's
totally out of control.
You gotta give her
something. Can you?
Well, if you want
natural childbirth, no.
Well, what should I do?
Well, I wouldn't show
her the wedding picture.
It's not the wedding
picture, it's the man it it.
I can't do this anymore.
Ray. Yes, ma'am.
So what are you doing out here?
Did you see how she treated me?
Yeah. So what's your problem?
Well, nothing. I'm just shocked.
I... I thought I
really knew my wife.
That's not your wife.
That's a woman in
labor, and she needs you.
So come on.
Show some spunk!
Inside!
Go!
You're right.
She does need me.
And stay out!
Go on.
I can't do it!
Ray. What?
What did you think it
was going to be, son?
Hit a few jumpers and go home?
I've never seen her so
exhausted and so upset.
That's not my wife.
She can't even stand me.
She doesn't like me anymore.
I can't go through with it.
I don't think she can, either.
Oh, she's going to
go through with it.
Now, she's gonna have the baby
whether you go in there or not.
She threw the bear.
Yaah!
Ray. What?
You're a great coach.
I'm... I'm a good coach.
No! Not great.
That woman in there
and that rookie
ready to come out
will be the two greatest
people you'll ever coach,
and I want you to go in,
and I want you to coach
just like you did that
time for the Montgomery...
uh, uh, uh... Bears.
Montgomery Cubs.
Montgomery Cubs!
And, Ray, I understand
that you won the
League Championship.
City. You won the
City Championship.
And what happened, huh?
You were down, I understand,
in the third quarter 15 points.
Last quarter, 18 points.
Last quarter! 18 points!
You were down. And
what did they say?
They said, "That's
it, we got 'em.
The old pit-bull has had it."
The call me Bear Claw.
"The old Bear
Claw, he's finished."
The told me it was
over. "He's through!"
And you would never say die.
They thought they were gonna
take that championship trophy.
You would never say
die. I never say die.
They were gonna
go get that engraved
and put their school name on it.
I said, "Uh-uh. Uh-uh."
I called my men over and I
said, "Boys, boys, listen up.
"It's very, very easy to
win when you're winning,
"but it takes real winners
to win when you're losing."
What?
It didn't make sense then,
and it doesn't make
sense now, but it worked!
Yeah, it worked!
And they were down!
And then they got up! Ha!
Because you talked to
'em! You believed, huh?
And, Ray, inside there, inside,
you got one player
and a rookie...
Coming up.
I hear ya. I hear ya, Doctor.
All right, I'm ready to go.
Ready?
Break! Break!
The ball's in play.
Here's to the prettiest
woman in the world
and the most beautiful
little baby girl in the nursery.
Honey, I'm sorry I
called you those names.
I didn't even know
you knew them.
And I do like your mother.
She's a lovely woman.
Thank you.
And, of course, I will
let you touch me again.
Sometime.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Six weeks, I told you.
Dr. Huxtable, we're real sorry.
I think we got to apologize.
We might have seemed a
little overconfident in your office.
It's all right. I've
seen all that before,
except for the dough.
The dough part... I've
never seen the dough.
Well, I just want
you to know that I...
I think we did pretty good,
despite a couple of glitches
that were beyond our control.
Actually, I'm
pretty proud of us.
Actually, you did fine.
You got your rookie, and now
all you have to do is bring her up.
Hey. We're ready.
Wait till you see this.
No! No more bread!
No more bread!
Come on back. No bread.
No, it's a book.
It's A Parental Guide
For the 21st Century.
We've also ordered the
companion video cassette series.
It's all right here, Doctor.
I mean, it's a
brand-new ballgame.
Solid foods at three months.
With no teeth?
So she'll sleep
through the night.
And then at six
months, potty training.
Well, we can
be a little liberal.
Seven months.
Yeah, seven months.
And then at eight
months, teething.
Yeah, we might want
to start that a little early
so we got it under control.
♪♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA