The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 9 - Cliff's Wet Adventure - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Sondra.

Hi, we are working through this
day, and I certainly do hope we make it

because we've never had 15
people for Thanksgiving dinner before.

And we never will again.

How's turkey number two?

Oh, great!

Then with our bird, that
makes 24 pounds of turkey.



Your grandmother's making a mess
of collard greens and ham hocks.

Yes, well, Martin and your grandfather
are busy down in the basement.

Don't forget about us.

Yes, the pie makers.

Oh, yes, and the girls are
up to their ears in dough,

they could open their
own pie shop and, baby,

I got to get off the
phone, this is war, bye!

[thunder]

How'd the shopping go, Cliff?

You sent me out on Thanksgiving

to get things from the store.

Every store is closed.

I drove 20 miles.

Finally found a place called
The Lucky Stop Market.



They had a line of people longer
than something to see Batman.

But, Cliff, you forgot the canned
pumpkin for the pumpkin pie.

You never asked me
to get canned pumpkin.

Honey, I did ask you
for canned pumpkin.

I told you to write it down.

You said, "I don't need
a list, it's all up here."

Are you making sweet potato pie?

Yes.

You got sweet potato pie.

People don't know the difference
between pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie.

You just put some whipped cream

on the thing and tell
them they got pumpkin pie.

Come on, Dad, you can't have
Thanksgiving without real pumpkin pie.

Heathcliff, you also
forgot the nutmeg.

You got nutmeg here.

This is not fresh.

Now we're making
traditional eggnog.

We need to grind it
fresh from the nutmeg.

Honey, please, go
get some nutmeg.

You're going to send me all
the way back out there for a nut?

There are the other things
that you forgot, honey.

You forgot the canned pumpkin,

and I might add, you also forgot the
dozen eggs that I need to make cornbread.

You want a dozen
eggs, a can of pumpkin,

and a nut.

Nutmeg.

[wind blowing]

[thunder]

I'm ready to help.

Great, would you put
this over there for me?

You're just in time
to help set the table.

Who made these?

This is Denise's idea.

She thought it would be cute if
we had little place settings this year,

so I'm putting these
little name tags

where everybody is sitting.

Mom?

Hmm?

You put me at a table
between Rudy and Olivia?

Well, I thought it
would be a good idea.

I thought you could
help serve the little ones.

Mom, you don't
know what this means.

I'm at the children's
table again.

Vanessa...

Mom, all those Thanksgivings
we had at Grandma and Grandpa's,

I always had to sit
at a children's table.

When I complained, you said,

"Vanessa, when you're an
adult, you can sit with the adults."

Well, I 'm 16 now, an adult.

Now you stab me in the back.

Vanessa, that is
not a children's table.

How can you look me in the eye and
say that this is not a children's table?

Mom, this is a card table.

I'm going to be
surrounded by infants.

You'll be over there talking
about the world and politics.

I'll be over here cutting up
turkey and wiping people's noses.

Hello, everybody.

Here, Mom, I've got the
other turkey in the car.

Mom, do you need any help?

No, I'm ready for Thanksgiving.

I've got my 20-pound
butterball right here.

Ew, that is rain.

What's in the casserole,
Mr. Tibideaux?

Old Jamaican favorite.

Curried goat.

Curried goat. Oh... can't wait.

Dad? Help.

This way, son.

Which way?

Uh, bank to the right.

Lester, I told you, we should
have put that salad in smaller bowls.

Yeah, but look
at it, it's beautiful.

Well, how did you get
that thing in the car?

We didn't. We
strapped it to the roof.

Hello, Denise. Olivia!

Whoa! Where am I?

This way, this way, Elvin.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Where does this go, here?

All the men are downstairs in the
basement getting their stuff ready,

so you guys should
go down there.

You see that, Dad?

They put us in the
basement again this year.

These women just
don't trust us to cook.

Okay, got your pinchers ready?

Pinchers ready.

Okay, then, pinch away!

[Both] Pinch, pinch, pinch.

[phone ringing]

Keep pinching.
Okay, pinch, pinch.

Hello.

Paula.

Is that my mommy?

Yeah. Hi.

You're at the airport?

Well, how long
are you there for?

Six hours! Are you kidding?

Yeah, she's right here, hold on.

Olivia, it's your mom.

Oh.

Hold on.

Hi, Mommy.

Do you want to hear
my Thanksgiving song?

♪ It's Thanksgiving time ♪

♪ It's turkey time ♪

♪ His name is Tom ♪

♪ He's a bird ♪

♪ That's the word ♪

♪ Tom's a bird ♪

All right, I'll see you
in two weeks, bye.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

Uh, hello?

Paula, hi, listen, I
have a great idea,

why don't you come over
here for Thanksgiving?

No, I insist!

Yeah, we're just
having the family over.

No, you're coming!

Okay?

Great, so tell the cab driver
to go to Brooklyn Heights,

and we're at 10 Stigwood Avenue.

Okay?

So see you in a half hour.

Bye.

Mommy's coming over?

Yeah.

All right, I'm going to
put on my good dress.

Well, okay.

Oh, yay!

What's she so excited about?

Well, guess who I
just invited to dinner?

- Who?
- Paula.

Paula, Paula... Is
this a friend of yours?

Paula.

Your ex-wife, Paula.

You invited my ex-wife
over for Thanksgiving dinner?

Yeah, she was flying
through on her way to Atlanta,

and she was supposed
to get a connecting flight,

but it was cancelled
because of the bad weather.

What, come on,
you guys get along.

Yeah, but, I guess
I never thought

I'd be having Thanksgiving
dinner with my wife and my ex-wife.

I think it's great.

I finally get to meet her.

Denise, did you ever stop to think
that maybe I would be uncomfortable,

that maybe you would
be uncomfortable,

that maybe everybody
would be uncomfortable?

Honey, if anyone should be
uncomfortable, it would be me and I'm fine.

Come on.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Denise, you constantly amaze me.

What other woman would
welcome with open arms,

her husband's former wife,

to a big family occasion?

I think that maybe
that is why I love you.

Oh! In the kitchen
of all places.

Oh, Mom.

Olivia's mom was
delayed at the airport,

so I invited her over
for dinner, is that okay?

You're comfortable with that?

Yeah, what's the big deal?

Martin's married to me now.

He loves me.

I have nothing to
be insecure about.

Besides, if she makes a move
on him, she's a dead woman.

Oh! Yeah!

[thunder]

There's your dumb
canned pumpkin,

your stupid eggs,
and your silly nut.

Nutmeg, and thank you.

Could you take those wet
things off before you catch a cold?

Cliff?

There are no eggs in here.

There's eggs in there!

I put eggs in there.

I bought eggs.

I don't care what that bag says,

there's eggs in there.

The receipt says canned
pumpkin, canned pumpkin, nutmeg.

It says nothing about eggs.

You forgot the eggs again.

How am I supposed to
make cornbread without eggs?

People don't need cornbread.

Let them eat soda crackers.

Hey, Cliffy.

Hey, Dad.

How you doing, fellas?

I hope you guys don't mind,

but we won't be
having cornbread today.

Why not? That's
one of my favorites.

Your homemade cornbread.

Yeah, I mean I'd be a happy man

if all I got to eat on
Thanksgiving was your cornbread.

Oh, hello, Cliff, I'm
so glad you're here.

By any chance are you
going back to the market?

I forgot to put
tomatoes in the salad.

You can't have salad
without tomatoes.

That's like having no cornbread.

Well, all that's keeping us from
having cornbread is a dozen eggs.

[thunder]

So, where's Paula going to sit?

Ah, we'll put her next
to me so I can talk to her.

You're incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

[doorbell rings]

That's her. That's her.

Are you nervous?

Just a little bit.

Hi. Oh, Kenny.

We thought it was somebody else.

Who?

Olivia's mom.

Your ex-wife?

That's right.

You're having her over here?

Yes, we thought it
would be a nice gesture

to have her over for
Thanksgiving dinner.

Big mistake.

Why?

You took her man.

She might try to beat you up.

Kenny, I don't think that
that's going to happen.

I think that Paula and
Denise will get along fine.

Okay, but I'd never let my
ex-wife back into the house.

My brother always said,

"When you leave a
woman, don't look back."

Well, for you and your
brother's information,

I did not leave my
ex-wife, she left me.

She left you?

Really? Whoa.

My brother never told
me a woman could do that.

Listen, I got to
check up on Olivia.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

So, I guess your brother doesn't
know everything about women.

That makes me
wonder about something.

All the girls he said
he broke up with,

maybe they dumped him.

If you want Rudy,
she's upstairs.

I guess this explains why my
brother is always in his room...

crying.

I heard the doorbell ring.

Is Paula here?

No, no, that was Kenny.

Oh.

Well, you call me when
she comes, would you?

I mean, we'll all be in
the kitchen here working.

Well, what does she look like?

I don't know. That was Kenny.

I'm very curious to
meet this woman.

What kind of person
leaves a marriage

and a beautiful
little girl like Olivia?

It's a crazy world out there.

Ever since Elvis
and Priscilla split up,

things haven't been the same.

You know, I think that as
soon as Paula gets here,

we should go out there
and greet her right away

so that she doesn't
think we're avoiding her.

I don't know, if we're all going
out there at the same time,

it may look as though
we're checking her out.

Dad, I totally agree with you.

Let's just hang back.

Now Martin will need plenty of
time to adjust to Paula being here.

I know I would if my
ex-wife showed up.

What do you mean, ex-wife?

I'm your only wife.

Are you saying that someday
you're going to have an ex-wife?

No, no, muffin, no.

If I ever had an ex-wife,

it would be another
woman, not you.

[doorbell rings]

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, that's her.

It's okay.

Hello, Martin.

You must be Denise.

- Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
- How do you do?

Hi, Paula, this is
Denise... my wife.

She just said, "This
must be Denise."

Oh, well, she was right.

Listen, is it all right
that I'm coming to this?

- I mean, your family...
- Please. Of course!

My family is delighted
to have you here.

Great. Thanks.

Hey, Martin, you look good.

Thanks, you look good yourself.

Thanks.

And Denise, baby,
you look fantastic.

Mommy, Mommy!

Oh, sweetie, come here!
Oh, darling, hurry up.

Oh, gosh, goodness
gracious, hurry!

Wow, look at you.

It's only been three months,
and you're getting so big.

Denise cooks for me.

She does?

Yes, and I'm still alive.

What's going on?

Olivia's hugging Paula.

Really? Does Olivia
seem to like her?

She's smiling.

Mom, don't you feel a little
funny eavesdropping on them?

No.

I'm making you a present.

You are?

Yes, but it's not ready. I
need five more minutes, okay?

Okay, I'll be right here.

Daddy, you come
upstairs and help me.

Okay, Miss Bugaboo.
I'll be right up.

Bye, bye, sweetheart.

Okay, I gotta go upstairs,

but that means that the two
of you will be by yourselves.

Is that okay?

Oh, Martin, would you go?

Give us a chance to talk.

You're incredible.

Incredible!

[thunder]

So, sit down.

Nice place.

I'm so glad Olivia's living
in such a beautiful home.

Thank you. Yeah, this is
the place where I grew up.

I've got to admit, though, that I am
feeling a little uncomfortable being here.

I know, I can see that.

- Would you relax?
- Okay.

Just relax, you're going
to have a good time.

You'll fit right in.

Hi, I'm Clair. I'm Denise's
mother. And this is our family.

I'm Sondra,
Denise's older sister.

Elvin, Sondra's husband.

Francine, Elvin's mother.

Lester, father of Elvin.

Grandma Anna.

Her husband, Grandpa
Russell on Cliff's side.

Cliff is my husband,
Denise's father.

It's nice to meet you all.

[All] Nice to meet you, too.

Well, we're going to go
back into the kitchen now.

We've got a lot of work to do.

[All] Bye.

You've got a nice family.

They don't usually
travel in packs like that.

They're usually roaming
around separately.

My family's like that, too.

So... I've heard
a lot about you.

And me you.

I'm curious what Martin's
told you about me.

He said that you were bright
and that you were a good student.

That you seemed happy at
the beginning of your marriage,

and then one day you announced
this wasn't for you and you left.

Let me explain to
you what happened.

I've spent most of my life
looking over my shoulder.

I've always tried to do what
everyone wanted me to do.

Like school.

Now I wanted to
major in sociology,

but my parents said,

"What are you going to do
with a sociology degree?"

So then I majored in accounting.

In my senior year,
my parents say to me,

"When are you
going to get married?"

So I meet a graduate of the
Naval Academy, who they loved,

and so we got married.

Then they say,

"When are you going
to have a baby?"

Well, then, I put everything
on hold and I had Olivia.

Then it all started
to close in on me.

I couldn't breathe.

I had to get out.

So as painful as it was,

and as hurtful as it was,

Martin understood
and he let me go.

Of course, I felt
guilty leaving Olivia,

and leaving Martin,

and even disappointing
my parents,

but it's what I had to do.

So, I've been
seeing a psychiatrist,

and she's been helping me get
everything back together, right?

I've even gone back to school.
I'm majoring in sociology.

I'm just grateful
that I can see Olivia,

and that she's got
someone like you raising her.

You're wonderful.

I can see why she
likes you so much.

Thank you.

It's the way it is.

Thanks for sharing that with me.

Okay.

Mommy! Your present's
ready, but I didn't wrap it.

Okay, honey, let me see.

Oh, now this is beautiful.

It's me! Well, I
thought so, darling.

You know, you're
not only beautiful,

but you're extremely talented.

Wow, Olivia, and I didn't
even help you one bit.

This is a masterpiece.

I would have made one for
you, but you see me every day.

[thunder]

Dad.

I'm not going back out there.

This is Paula. This
is Olivia's mom.

How are you?

It's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.

You staying for dinner?

Well, I was invited.

I'm not going back out there.

Hey.

The weather out
there is unbelievable.

They cancelled our flight.

We can't go on the
skiing trip until tomorrow.

I'm just glad I have
a friend like Theo.

Otherwise, I'd have
no place to go today.

Dad, Howard and Denny's
parents went out of town,

so I invited them over here
for Thanksgiving dinner.

Is that okay?

I'm not going back out there.

[thunder]

Go! Go! Go!

All right, let's eat!

All right, you men,
turn that game off!

We're there on
the five yard line.

We just want to
see if they score.

No game.

Lester, turn it off.

Aw, come on.

Sorry, I got to do
it. I live with her.

Sondra! Dinner!

Cliff, you can come down, too!

Dad's not here, Mom.

But you told me that he came
in and spilled eggs on the floor.

He went back to the store.

Theo, you didn't tell me
he went back to the store.

I thought you'd
figure it out by now.

Oh. Dinner.

Are you ready to eat?

No, we have to
wait for Dr. Huxtable.

Do we have to wait? I'm hungry.

Kenny, what are you doing here?

Rudy invited me.

Well, didn't you have
Thanksgiving dinner at your house?

Yes, but I have a
lot to be thankful for.

Can I stay?

I guess so. Have
a seat over there.

Let's get this food back into
the kitchen before it gets cold.

[All] What? Aw.

[hooting and hollering]

You poor thing.

How did you get corn
bread without eggs?

Well, honey, I borrowed
the eggs from next door.

Russell.

Heavenly Father...
You got that right.

[Russell] Heavenly Father,

thank you for
gathering all of us here

to celebrate the many
blessings you've given us.

We want to thank you
for the new additions

to our family who
are with us today.

Olivia, Martin, and Paula.

And dear Lord, while we
partake of this wonderful meal,

which has been so
lovingly prepared for us.

Let us remember those in this world
who do not have a place to sleep,

nor enough food to eat,

and those of us who have
been out in the rain all day.

We ask in Your name,
that you continue to bless us

with the good health, and allow
us to gather again next year.

Amen.

[All] Amen.

That pie smells good!

Cliff, honey, could you put those
wet things out on the stoop, please?

[birds chirping]

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