The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 6 - Denise Kendall: Babysitter - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

Guess what. What?

I'm bored.

Good.

Guess what.

What?

I want something to do.

- Guess what.
- What?

I'm cooking dinner right
now, so leave me alone.

But I want something to do.



I can cook.

What have you ever cooked?

Nothing, but I can do it.

Olivia, let me
explain something.

The stove is hot.

Now you come over
here, start fooling around,

burn your little fingers, start
screaming till nobody can hear,

and then you'll show
somebody your burned fingers,

and people are going to
be looking at me like this.

That's no fair.

Everyone does what
they want except me.

I'm sick of it.

Guess what.

What?



Follow me.

Okay.

Guess what. What?

This is a salad bowl. Mm-hmm.

Guess what. What?

This is the dressing. Yes.

This is the most important
ingredient that goes into the salad.

Okay.

Now I want you to shake it
up so I can put it in the salad.

No, no, come on,
come on, come on.

You have to shake it, shake it,
shake it, because it's very important.

Shake it.

No, no, no.

Look, look, look, look,
look. Shake, shake, shake.

All right, come on.
Shake it, shake it.

There you go. That's right.

I'm getting tired, Dr. Huxtable.

Keep shaking.

I'm getting tired.

Keep shaking.

Oh, no, no, no. Okay,
okay, okay, okay.

Get up here. Now press
the bottle close to you.

We're going to shake it up now.

All right.

Shake it up. Shake it up.

Great meal. Whoo!

That's what he said. Stuffed!

- [groans]
- That was a great meal.

Thank you.

The older I get, the
more I appreciate

the love that's generated
when the family gets together.

And especially when
we sit down to eat.

That's when you
really generate love.

Yes, you can smell
food cooking in this house

all the way in your
apartment in the Village.

You guys, I'm hurt
by your cynicism.

I mean, I came
here to visit you guys.

I only ate to be polite.

Oh! My goodness.

Well, please, the next time you
come over, have bad manners.

Theo comes over to
our house to eat, too.

Yeah, the other day we ordered
Chinese from Bamboo Wok,

and Theo met the delivery guy
on the street and very politely

followed him to our house.

If that's how you guys
feel about my visits,

I won't come to anybody's
house at dinnertime ever again.

Fine. Good!

Great! Yeah!

Well, I did it.

I got Winnie and
Nelson to fall asleep.

Oh, how did you do it?

Dropped them on their heads.

Just kidding.

Ha ha. [sighs]

Well, I guess I'd better
go up and tuck them in.

No, I already did that.

I took all the toys out of their cribs
so they wouldn't hurt themselves.

And I read them a story
until they fell asleep.

Babies... nothing to it.

Well, I used to think so,
too, before I had them.

Since I've been
at medical school,

Sondra's been getting to
know the twins very well.

Oh... I love my children, but these
are the only people I see all day long,

and you cannot believe
how devious they are,

how they conspire together.

For example, Winnie will
start taking off her clothes.

Now, as I go over there and
start trying to put them back on,

I turn over here, and Nelson
has climbed up on the counter

and he shoves a
cookie into his mouth.

Now, I run over to try
and pry his mouth open

to get the cookie out.

I look over, and Winnie
is in the potted plants,

throwing dirt
all over the floor.

Sondra, why don't you just take
them out of the house more often?

Theo, I take these
children every place I go

and they do the
same thing, okay?

I have been thrown out
of banks, restaurants.

One time, truly... Oh, no.

We were at a bus stop
and the people pitched in

to give us money for cab
fare so that we wouldn't

get on the bus with
them with the babies.

Hey.

Hi. Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, Sondra was just telling us about the
trials and tribulations of raising twins.

What trials and tribulations?
It's just one extra baby.

Denise, you have no idea
what they put me through.

The two of them are
almost impossible to control.

If you are organized,
two extra babies

shouldn't be any more
of a problem than one.

Excuse me?

Hey, I'm just telling you if I had
twins, there'd be no problems.

Fine.

How would you like to
baby-sit for them tomorrow night

so Elvin and I
can go to a movie?

Yeah.

Fine.

In fact, stay away the
whole weekend if you want.

Take off the month.

See you next year!

Okay, you little cuties.

While Mommy's getting ready, I'm
going to put you in your little palace,

where you can do anything
in the world that you want.

That's the only place you
can do anything you want.

Ooh, you've been
in the cookie jar.

Have you been eating cookies?

You've been in the cookies.

Now listen, your Aunt
Denise is coming by

and she is going to have
a great time with you,

and you're going to have
a great time with her, okay?

You guys going to be good?

[doorbell rings] Say "yes."

That's your Aunt Denise now.

- Hey, neighbor!
- Hi! Hi, Bob.

I brought something
for you and the missus.

Come in. Come in.

Did you make this yourself, Bob?

Yeah, and this time it's legal.

It's apple cider fresh from
my daddy's farm in Virginia

and some eucalyptus pecan soap.

Now, they're the same color,
so you've got to be very careful

not to get them mixed up.

Yeah, uh... I won't.

Also brought back
some turkey gobblers.

I want you and the wife to come
over and gobble one with us.

That sounds like a great idea.

Sondra and I are
going out tonight.

Can we take a rain
check on those gobblers?

How about next Saturday?

Sure, that's great.
And, Bob, do me a favor.

Could... Could you kill the turkeys
before we come over this time?

No problem.

I'll even kill the cauliflower.

Well, I'll see you around.

Okay. The bend.

Okay, Bob. I'll see you around.

All right, good
night. Like a donut.

I'll see you around.
All right, Bob.

Good night. Like a hubcap.

How do I look?

Stunning, gorgeous,
like a new woman.

Oh, I feel like one.

Winnie and Nelson, Mommy and Daddy
are going to go out, and we're very sorry,

but I promise you we'll come
back with a positive attitude.

That's right. [doorbell rings]

Oh, there she is.
Please, please be Denise.

Please be Denise.

Hello. Hi.

Here we are, Denise
Kendall, babysitter.

Bring on those babies!

[gasps] Who do I see in the pad?

Hi, Winnie. Hi, Nelson.

It's Auntie Denise.

And Cousin Olivia.

Denise, you didn't
need to bring any food.

We have the babies'
food right here.

That is all pre-cooked,
pre-processed.

- Please.
- Yes, it's also easy.

Well, easy isn't everything.

Look, just let me prepare a
homemade, totally organic meal.

I do it for Olivia all the time.

You like my organic
cooking, don't you?

- I love it.
- See?

And I'm still alive.

Okay, but you should know
that Winnie is allergic to carrots

and she breaks out in a rash, and
their feeding time is in half an hour.

No problem.

Okay, listen,
Denise, another thing.

- If they start crying, all right?
- Mm-hmm.

You just pop this
in the VCR, all right?

This is a tape of children singing
"I've Been Working on the Railroad."

Winnie and Nelson, they love it.

- I don't know why they love it.
- What?

Just keep rewinding it.

Come on. A videotape, you guys?

You actually let an electronic
instrument baby-sit your children?

Yes, and we're proud of it.

Okay, Denise, if you
think that you can do this

better than we can, go
ahead, take a shot at it.

And if you need to get in touch with us,
this is the number for the Ophelia Theater.

Well, I'll take it, but I
know we won't need it

because we're all going to
have a wonderful time, right?

Great. Okay.

Well, bye, Winnie. Bye, Nelson.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Have a good time at
your movie theater, bye.

You'll be okay? Yeah.

All right. Bye.

[expels breath] Let
the babysitting begin!

What do we do?

Let's fix dinner.

[babies crying]

They're crying.

Oh, what's wrong?
What's the matter?

Why are they crying?

Hi, hi.

We heard crying. Are they okay?

Oh, Winnie and
Nelson, it's okay.

Mommy and Daddy are here.

They're fine, you
guys. They're fine.

Muffin, you think we
should go after all?

[Denise] Come on, you guys.

You're acting like you
don't think I can handle this.

Would you go?

Well, Denise, it's just that you
don't have much experience with kids.

Excuse me?

Have I not done a
good job raising Olivia?

I'm still alive. Okay.

Okay, fine, we'll go.

Good-bye. Bye.

You sure? All right.

Bye. Good night.

Bye.

Okay, let's start babysitting
and let's do a good job

so we can show Sondra and
Elvin that we know what we're doing.

Yes!

[no audible dialogue]

I can't believe how long it took us to
calm those babies down, but we did it.

Anyways, once we give them their dinner,
they'll probably fall right to sleep.

[babies crying]

They're crying again.

I guess we should
try to stop them.

Let me try.

[crying continues]

Quiet!

I tried.

I know, sweetie, but I think
maybe I should handle this.

Um... I'll give them a toy.

Here you guys go.

Hey!

What do I do next?

Videotape.

Videotape!

Yes, with the children
singing. They love that.

Olivia, you're a genius!

Okay, you guys. It's show time.

♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪

[crying stops] ♪ All
the live long day ♪

It worked! It worked!

That's because we're the
best babysitters in the business.

Okay, let's finish dinner.

♪ Can't you hear
the whistle blo... ♪

Okay... [power cuts]

I guess we blew a fuse.

The lights are out on the whole
block. We must be having a blackout.

Well, anyways, did the
pioneers need electricity?

- No.
- No.

We're just going to make
the best dinner in the dark.

[babies crying]

Videotape.

Well, we can't turn on the
VCR because it doesn't work

without electricity, sweetie.

We are in big trouble.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

Mwah! Ooh, thank you.

- I see you're reading a book.
- Yes.

Then I'll be quiet. Good.

[whispering] I'm just
going to get a banana.

Good. Bananas are quiet.

Yes. Thank you.

Mm.

Why don't you count
Dad's gray hairs?

Why don't I count the
black ones instead?

Look, you have a
gray hair on your hand.

I don't see a gray hair on
my hand. Come on. Come on.

Look, it's very
big. Right there.

No, that's the way the
light is shining on the thing.

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Vanessa, look at the
back of Dad's hand.

Oh, a gray hair...
and a big one.

Dad said it was just
the light shining off of it.

Huh, no way, Dad.

That's just an old gray hair.

It may be a gray
hair, but it's just one.

Well, sure.

They travel alone at first.

The next thing you know, they
start showing up in bunches.

Then you've got them
growing out of your eyebrows.

Bet he has one now.

He does, too, and a long one!

Look, look, look.

Why don't you just
leave me alone?

I came here, I wanted
to read my book quiet...

What now?

You have a gray eyelash.

No way.

Look!

I don't believe it.

Listen, do you all mind, please?

I mean, I came down
here to read a book.

I just want a little
quiet, all right?

Oh, okay. Okay.

We're going upstairs, Dad.

- Sorry.
- Yes. Thank you.

You know, I bet after it all
goes gray, it will start falling out.

[girls laughing]

[babies crying]

Shh, don't cry.
Come on, you guys.

Come on, you guys.
You should be happy.

Look, I'm making happy faces.

Hey!

[babies crying louder]

God, I have tried everything.
I don't know what to do.

I have bounced them. I
have told them stories.

You were their age
not too long ago.

What do they want?

They want to stay awake.

Why do they want to stay awake?

Because they're hungry.

They're hungry, right. They
should have been fed by now.

♪ ... whistle blowing ♪

Hallelujah! Yes, the lights.

Look, they stopped crying.

I'm going to finish dinner.

♪ Dinah blow your horn ♪

Okay.

Your toast is in the toaster.
Let's get this thing on the road.

Food processing.

The microwave.

Blender.

Electronic cooking,
this is the way to go.

What? No.

I can't believe this.
It's a blackout again.

[knocking]

You stay there. Okay.

Uh, who's there?

Hi, Sondra. It's me, Bob.

B-O-B... Bob?

This isn't Sondra. This
is her sister Denise.

Oh. Well, I came to offer
some neighborly help.

I've got 100 candles
here, all beeswax.

Just a second.

Uh, Bob, how do
you know my sister?

Well, I live in 8B.

B for "Bob,"
"beeswax," "blackout"?

Bob, we're very busy here.

Could you just leave those
candles by the door, please?

Okay. I don't blame you
for being a bit cautious.

There's a lot of
weirdoes out here.

Okay, then. Bye.

Okay. Take her easy.

If you need any help, I'm in 8B.

B for "Bob," "beeswax,"
and "blackout."

And "bye."

That was Bob, B-O-B.

You know what you
should have told him?

- What?
- To mind his own beeswax.

You know, I really don't
have time to make dinner.

I'm going to have to give them
some of this gross bottled food.

Well, here we go.

- Denise, stop.
- What?

Winnie's allergic to
something, remember?

That's right.

What is she allergic to?

I don't know. I can't
know everything.

I just can't just go feed her.

She'd get sick.

I've got to call Sondra and
Elvin at the movie theater.

Um...

Shoot, what did I
do with that number?

You threw it away.

Great. Denise?

- Huh?
- Call your mom.

Yeah, my mom. She's
babysat for them before.

She'll know what
Winnie's allergic to.

Olivia... my love, you've really
come through for me tonight.

Well, we're a team.

[sighs]

Well, we fed them, we got them
quiet, we finally got them to bed.

I'd say we did a
pretty good job.

Yes, we did.

Why don't we sit down and
have some dinner ourselves, huh?

Would you like some
pears, some peas,

or my favorite, custard?

Custard.

Two custards coming up.

You know, Sondra and Elvin didn't
think I could do a good job babysitting,

but I think we've
proved them wrong.

Yeah!

[appliances whirring]

[screaming]

[babies crying]

Hey.

I thought you were
sleeping, honey.

What happened? Did
you hurt your hand?

What are you... No, look.

Are you talking about this little
white hair on the back of your hand?

But it wasn't
there... Don't pull it.

It wasn't there yesterday.

There's only one there. I
don't know why you're so upset.

And besides, there's nothing
you can do; this is nature.

No. Well, I thought you might go upstairs
and get that dye that you put on your hair.

- Dye?
- Yeah, the dye.

You know, when your
gray hairs come in, you put...

Excuse me. I do not
put dye on my hair.

- Yeah, but it's gray.
- I use highlight.

You highlight it? Oh.

Well, get the highlight
dye and bring it down here.

- No, I'm going to pluck this hair out.
- No, don't pluck...

- I'm taking...
- No, no, no, no.

[Cliff] Please, go
upstairs and get...

[whispering] Hi.

What is going on?

Well, the electricity went
out in the apartment again

and the super says that it won't
be back on again until tomorrow.

And this was the only
house you found with a light?

- Dad, let us stay here tonight.
- No!

[Clair] Oh, stop.

Out, all of you, With the
little raggedy children.

Stop.

- Out!
- No.

You know you can stay here.

You can stay. How'd
the babysitting go?

Terrific. Look at their faces.

They're... happy babies.

Oh, terrific. Yeah, terrific.

I got all the food off
the floor and the counter.

It'll take me a whole day to scrape
the eggplant off the microwave.

Should I ask what happened?

First of all, I'd like to say it
could've happened to anybody.

Secondly, I'll tell
you tomorrow.

Good night. Good night.

- Good night. Thanks.
- Now wait a minute.

Where are you
all going to sleep?

Oh, don't worry, Dad.
We'll find someplace.

Right. I don't want to
see any babies in my bed.

Now... [babies crying]

You see?

That's what makes these, and that,
and the ones that you're highlighting.

Come on.

We'll go sleep in the basement.

Oh... Please.

And maybe we won't
need any highlights.

Ooh!

♪♪ [theme]

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