The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 18 - Rudy's Walk on the Wild Side - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

[knocking] Come in.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, hon.

How you doing? All right.

So you busy?

Uh, well, sort of.

What'd you have in mind?

I just came by to see
if you needed anything.

- Oh, sort of making a house call, huh?
- Sort of.

Dad, this place is
crawling with dust.



Thank you.

How much?

Only $15.00.

- $15.00 for what?
- To dust your office.

What is it that you
want $15.00 for, dear?

Dad, there's this new
CD that I have to have.

Tell me what would happen to you

if you didn't get it.

I'd die.

You can't have it.

Dad, it's only $15.00!

Only $15.00. Okay.

Clean out the garage,
I'll give you $15.00.

Dad, that place is a mess.



But I'll dust your
office for 14.75.

- Four dollars.
- 14.50?

3.95.

Dad, you're going the wrong
way. That's not how you negotiate.

Don't tell me how
to negotiate: 3.85.

You're not going to give
me the money, are you?

$3.75. My offer's on the table.

Now, you keep talking,
it keeps dropping.

Dad, I'd be happy to
dust your office for 3.75,

But I don't know anybody who
works for that kind of money.

Really? Let me
tell you something.

In 1919,

coal miners earned
73 cents an hour.

They had to crawl
down into a small hole.

Miles, in the dark.

With a pick. And they had to
hack away, water dripping on 'em,

gas fumes coming at 'em,

dirt all over their
face, no fresh air.

Bent over their little crawl
space, and did that all day long,

and came out with maybe $7.00.

And from that $7.00,
those coal miners

bought dinner, paid the rent,
made contributions to church...

And had time and money left over

to buy CDs for their children.

♪♪ [funk]

Come on, Kenny. Don't
you want to learn the step?

No way. Real men don't dance.

That's ridiculous.
Lots of men dance.

Besides, I'm looking around the
room. I don't see any real men.

[buzzing]

Hey, Danielle.

Hi, you guys. I just bought
the most amazing thing

at Judy's Shirt Shop
around the corner.

Look. Wow!

- How much did it cost?
- You won't believe it.

It was on sale for
only five dollars.

I just have to
have one. Me, too.

Let's go over to the shop now.

But I can't buy it now.

I don't get my
allowance until tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be too late.

They only have two left.

Well, maybe I can find the
five dollars up in my room.

Kim and I will stay at the store and
make sure no one buys the last one.

We'll wait for you there.

Okay. Come on Kim,
I'll get your jacket.

- Okay.
- We'll be so cool!

[babbling over each other]

♪♪ [funk]

[music stops]

I thought you said
real men don't dance?

I wasn't dancing,
I was exercising.

Yeah, right.

Come on, Kenny, come
help me find the money.

Okay.

I count $2.70.

I'm $2.30 short.

I don't have any more money.

Why don't you sell something?

What do I have to sell?

How about this raggedy
old basketball poster?

I'll take it off your hands.

No way, that's my autographed
poster of Magic Johnson!

Oh, yeah!

I thought he looked familiar.

I'll give you the $2.30 for it.

My dad gave me that poster.

I love it.

A girl can't appreciate
a Magic Johnson poster.

I bet you don't even
know his real first name.

Earvin. And he's a point
guard for the Lakers.

Last season, he had a per
game average of 22 1/2 points,

12.8 assists, and 7.9 rebounds.

[clears throat] Well,
everybody knows that.

But the poster is
still worth $2.30.

How about this great saxophone?

It's the best thing in my room.

It's the poster, or nothing.

Okay, it's a deal.

Great!

Wait a minute!

Hey, hey, hey. Where's my money?

I don't have it right now.

But my brother owes me three
dollars. I'll give it to you then.

But I need my money now.

Why don't you borrow
it from somebody?

You could pay them
back, when I pay you back.

Then I'll ask my parents for it.

Good choice, they're loaded.

Hi, Mom!

Hi, child.

How're you doing?

I want to show you something.

[clears throat]

"A Declaration of Financial
Independence for Vanessa Huxtable."

I figured it's about
time. Don't you?

Did you get a job?

See, that's the beauty of it.

It doesn't require me to get a job, so
that I can spend more time studying.

See, the average 16-year-old's allowance
is 1/10 of 1% of the average family income.

But you and Dad make
more than the average salary.

So if my allowance were raised
to one-tenth of one percent of that,

I could be financially
independent.

So the assumption is
that as our child, you

are entitled to a
percentage of our income?

- Yes!
- No!

But Mom, it's your responsibility
to clothe and feed me.

I didn't ask to be born.

That was your
and Dad's decision.

That was your father's decision.

It's too late now, Mom. I'm
here and you have to deal with it.

All right, I will.

Your allowance will remain the same until
you get married, and then it will drop.

Come on, Mom, I need
a bigger allowance.

I'm a Huxtable, my friends expect
me to have money when we go out.

Vanessa, I couldn't care
less what your friends expect.

And you would have more money
if you were more responsible.

Well, I'm very responsible
with my allowance.

- Vanessa, I said...
- Hey, Mom!

I'm speaking with your
sister at this moment.

Excuse me.

I would strongly
suggest that you get a job

or learn how to
budget your allowance

because I am tired of giving out
extra money every single week.

Nobody's getting any
more money from me today!

Rudy? Yeah?

Was there something
you wanted to say?

No.

Mom, would you
consider an advance?

No!

Well, how about an
early Christmas gift?

Kenny, I couldn't get
the money from my mom.

I guess you can kiss
that sweatshirt goodbye.

You sure that you can
give me the $2.30 later?

Absolutely. My brother
gets his paycheck tonight.

Then I know where
I can get the money.

Go ahead.

Okay, see you.

[door buzzes]

[Clair] Would somebody get that?

I'll get it, Mom!

Hi, Andy. Hey, Rudy.

I got your mom's dry cleaning.

Hi, Andy!

Hey, Ms. Huxtable.

Did you get that spot
out of my red blouse?

You know our motto, "We go through
great pains to get rid of those stains."

So you got it.

Well, we went through a lot of
pain, but you still have a stain.

But everything else
came out beautifully.

Well, thank you.

Here's your exact change.

$18.50. Thanks.

Thank you very much,
and I'll see you next week.

Um, Ms. Huxtable, I'm
afraid you're $2.30 short.

I am?

Hold on.

Um... it must have
fallen on the floor.

No. Um...

Andy, I put the
money right here...

Gosh, Andy, I don't understand.

I put $18.55 right here so that
I would have the exact change,

and I... it's just not here!

Ms. Huxtable,
don't worry about it.

You can give it to me
next time I come by.

Well, thank you.

I... I'm so organized usually.

I just don't know how
this could happen.

That's okay. Bye.

Bye.

That doesn't make
any sense whatsoever.

Now where could
that money have gone?

Oh, I must be losing my mind.

Come on, Kenny, quick.

Get in here and be quiet.

[whispers] Come on.

Well, did you get the money?

I couldn't get it all.

How much did you get?

A dime.

A dime?

That doesn't do me any good.

I need $2.30 and you said
your brother would give it to you!

He didn't have it.

But don't worry, I get
my allowance on Friday.

I'll pay you then.

Friday's going to be too late.

I need the money now.

I want to pay my mom back.

I thought you said your mother
wouldn't give you the money?

She didn't, I borrowed it.

She left it out on the
counter, so I took some.

You stole it? Shh!

I didn't steal
it, I borrowed it.

Only because you said you
were going to pay me back now.

That's still no reason
to go around stealing.

I gotta get the money somewhere.

I'll go to Theo.

You're going to
steal it from him?

No!

I'm going to ask him for it.

I still can't believe
you stole that money.

You come from
such a good family.

Leaving town?

Stop it, I'm looking
for something.

[chuckling]

This morning I put
$18.55 down on the stove

so that when Andy came
from the dry cleaners,

I'd have the exact
change for him.

And when he came,
I was $2.30 short.

Well, see I... [rummaging]

I don't know, but I must have dropped it
somewhere between here and the kitchen,

because how could $2.30
just disappear like that?

Hoo-hoo!

I'm so happy to hear this.

Here's the lawyer,
order all the time.

And now, you can't find $2.30.

Make fun of your husband
when he can't find anything.

And here she is, desperately
tearing up the room...

for $2.30.

Cliff, don't make fun.

The other day, I came
out of the supermarket

with a lot of packages.

I put my purse on top of
the car while I was loading it.

I got in the car and drove home,

I drove all the way home
with my purse on top of the car.

That is pitiful.

You want me to
help you look for it?

No, that's all right.
I'll find it myself.

Okay, well, what I'm going to do,
dear, is I'm going to go downstairs,

and then I'm going to get your car
and drive it over to have it serviced.

You don't have to do that.

I did that an hour ago.

Dear, your car is sitting
in the driveway right now.

Where?

Cliff, there is... [laughing]

That was funny, but
you still don't have $2.30.

[laughing]

Dad, what are you laughing at?

Your mother is upstairs
tearing the room apart,

looking for, ta-da, $2.30.

She is? Yeah.

Hey, what's up?

- Hey, homeboy.
- Hey, Dad, how're you doing?

Uh, Rudy, here's the
money you wanted.

I think it was $2.30.

Um, I didn't want any money.

What are you talking about?

You called me up at school,
you got me out of the library,

you told me it was an emergency.
You better take this money, girl.

Theo, I just called to
see how you were doing.

[scoffs]

Rudy, you begged
me to come over here.

You said if you didn't
get the money by tonight...

Uh... now that I think
of it, it was Justine.

Yeah, you guys
really sound alike.

Here, sorry.

Well, while I'm here, I
guess I'll get something to eat.

Well, you owe it to yourself.
You owe it to yourself.

Go on in, tear it up.

Make sure you eat $2.30 worth.

Well, well, well, well, well,
well, well, well, well, well.

A lot of people
talking about $2.30.

Um, well, I think I
should be going upstairs...

No, I think you better
sit back down here.

Come on, sit back down here,

because we're talking
about $2.30 an awful lot

and I'm just
curious about $2.30.

You got something to say?

Dad, there was this sweatshirt that
I wanted, but I needed the money.

Kenny said if I sold him
my Magic Johnson poster,

he'd give me the $2.30.

Well, I did it.

But Kenny couldn't give
me the money right away.

So I took Mom's
money off of the counter.

But it was only $2.30.

If it was only $2.30,
why did you steal it?

If it was only $2.30,

why did you sell a
poster that I gave you?

If it was only $2.30, why
is your mother upstairs

tearing the room apart and
you're sitting here looking like this?

Why didn't you come
and ask me for the money?

Well, if asked you, you would
have said, "What's it for?"

And I would've said, "It's
for a sweatshirt that lights up."

Then you would have said,

"Do you know how much
coal miners got paid in 1919?"

So... you took money from
your mother without asking?

Yes. I did it and I'm sorry.

Okay. Well, you just have
to go tell your mother that.

Okay. Let's go.

No, no, no. Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

You got this all...
You, "Let's go ahead."

Because I didn't
do anything wrong.

Your mother knows
that I didn't do it.

As a matter of fact, your mother
knows everything about me

from the day I was born.

I don't owe anybody any money.

And then don't
forget, it's only $2.30.

And make sure that you
understand this also, young lady,

that 1919 is going to
become very important to you

when you have children, $2.30.

Hey, Rudy, now you
can teach me how to read!

Not now, Olivia.

But you promised.

I'm busy.

But you're just sitting there.

I'm thinking.

It doesn't look like
you're thinking to me.

There's something I have to tell
Mom, and I'm thinking of a way to do it.

Is it something bad?

No, but Mom might think it is.

Will you get into trouble?

I don't know.

But it wasn't my fault, Olivia.

Why don't you tell her that?

Why don't you go upstairs
and talk to Mom for me?

Sure, your mom is nice.

Tell me what you did.

I borrowed some money.

That's not bad.

It was the money she was
going to pay the cleaners with.

Nothing bad there.

She left the money
on the counter

and Kenny said he was going
to pay me back, but he didn't.

So I took the money
off the counter.

Sorry, Rudy, I think you're
on your own with this one.

Okay.

We're still friends, aren't we?

Yeah.

Mom?

Not now, honey. I'm
trying to find something.

I know where the $2.30 is.

[turns off vacuum]

What?

I took the money off of the counter and
used it to buy a sweatshirt that lights up.

Yes!

I did not lose the money!

I did not lose my mind!

Yes! [laughing]

This is the best
news I've had all day!

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Bye.

No, you come back here
now. The celebration is over.

[sighs]

You watched me get agitated in the
kitchen when I couldn't find the $2.30.

Why didn't you come
forward with the truth then?

I thought you'd
be angry with me.

Honey, you saw me get upset.

You watched me go
through this entire drama,

looking for money that you knew
where it was, and you said nothing?

That's dishonest.

I'm sorry I did it and
it won't happen again.

I would sure like to see the
shirt that caused all this trouble.

- Go get it.
- Okay.

Tell me I can't remember
where I put a thing.

My mind is organized.

Hi, Mrs. Huxtable!

Hi!

I have to tell you
something. It's from Rudy.

Oh, okay, come here.

She sold her Magic Show poster.

Now she wants you to meet
Kenny at the counter in the kitchen,

so you can borrow some money.

What she did wasn't wrong,
but she thought it was wrong,

because nobody's right.

Thank you.

[chuckling]

Thank you.

Here it is.

Ah. It has lights.

Yeah. Watch.

[click]

It doesn't work.

I got a bad shirt.

So you got the shirt
that you wanted,

even though the way you went
about it caused a lot of trouble,

and it doesn't work.

One little sad fish eye.

And there's still the matter of
the $2.30 which you owe me,

and you will pay back.

But Rudy, even if the shirt
had worked, was it worth all this?

You little thief.

[giggling]

[doorbell rings]

Hi, Ken. Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Come on in, I want to talk
to you about something.

I bet it has something
to do with Rudy.

I betcha it does.

Now, this afternoon, my daughter
wanted to buy some kind of shirt.

I don't know what, but
she didn't have the money,

and she was willing to sell
you a Magic Johnson poster.

That's right. My brother says, "When
opportunity knocks, open the door."

And you walked right in.

You said that your brother
owed you some money,

but I suspect that your brother
doesn't owe you any money at all.

True or false?

True. But I did ask
him. He's broke.

True or false, I also
suspect that your allowance

will not cover this $2.30?

True.

So, you lied to get
what you wanted

and my daughter ended up
stealing to get what she wanted.

I know. She really surprised me.

Okay, Mrs. Huxtable and
I are dealing with Rudy.

However, I want to talk to you
about something that's important,

because that is my
Magic Johnson poster.

Well, I know it
meant a lot to you.

I'll let you have
it for four dollars.

I don't think you
understand, Ken.

Um, you didn't
pay for the poster.

Therefore, the poster
does not belong to you.

I bought it on credit.
That's the American way.

The going rate on credit,

all right, is about 18%.

So on $2.30, at the
end of the month,

you would probably
owe something like $2.75.

And if you didn't pay
anything on it, as time rolled by,

it could go up as high as $873.

But that's the American way.

Well, I'll bring it
to you tomorrow.

Yeah, well, no.

See, that... that's what I
wanted to talk to you about also.

When we're talking about
credit, and money owed,

there's another thing
that's the American way,

and that's called
"repossession."

I know what that means.

It's when they
come to your house.

Happens to my brother
every month. Right.

♪♪ [theme]

[Announcer] The Cosby Show
was taped before a studio audience.

Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA