The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 11 - Cliff la Dolce - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

[car horn honks]

Be right out!

Denise! The taxi's here
to take us to the airport!

[Denise] Okay, Mom! I
don't know what to pack!

Honey, you're going to the
Caribbean. Put a swimsuit in the bag!

Well! Mrs. Huxtable
goes to Washington!

Listen, you're gonna be
late. You better get a move on.

Oh, that's right. Mm-hmm.

I don't know why I always
wait until the last minute to pack.



I'm gonna miss this
plane, I just know it.

Well, I just want you to know that I will
be missing you when you're in Washington.

Well, I'll leave you a
number where you can call me

in case there's any problem.

It's not gonna be so easy for
you these next couple of days

with me in Washington, Denise
in the Caribbean with Martin.

You're gonna be
alone with the girls.

So?

Well, if there's a problem,

the girls are more inclined to
come to me and talk about it.

Well, they come
to me, also, dear.

It's just that I don't go
around bragging about it.

Of course. You're right.

Thank you.



And you know Rudy has a
paper due in school tomorrow.

- That's right.
- And the subject is?

- English.
- Wrong.

It's History.

Well, it's written in English.

I think I better leave this in the
kitchen where the girls can see it.

Well, good-bye winter,
hello to some sunshine.

Hello!

So, Dad, here is the number
where Martin and I will be

in case there's any trouble.

Why is everybody giving me a number in
case there's any trouble with somebody?

There's not going
to be any trouble.

Well, Dad, I was only
offering because you

haven't spent a lot of
time alone with Olivia.

Listen, Olivia, you have to tell them
when she and Martin went to Rhode Island,

you and I had a
wonderful time together.

Didn't we, Olivia?

Yes, and we talked about
where babies come from.

That is correct.

Dad, that is my job.
I wanted to do that.

We talked about the stork.

I had to tell you all about
it. You knew nothing.

[telephone rings]

[Vanessa] I'll get it!

Denise, please take our things to the
taxi. I want to say goodbye to Vanessa.

Okay.

No, Christine. It won't be any
problem coming to your party.

You see, my Mom's going to be in
Washington, so she'll never find out.

It's perfect timing.

Yeah, let me get a pencil
and write down your address.

I...

Christine, let me
call you back. Bye.

- Christine?
- Yeah.

Christine from your aerobics
class? The college student?

Yeah.

So what's going on at her
apartment tomorrow night?

- She's just having a few friends over.
- I see.

You're not going to a college party
where there are going to be guys

four and five years
older than you. Forget it.

Mom, can I help it if I'm so mature
that older men find me attractive?

You're forcing me to socialize
with people my own age,

and it's holding back my
intellectual development.

Darling, what I'm holding back
here has nothing to do with intellect.

Now don't think because
I'm in Washington

you can just up and do as you
please and I won't know about it.

I have eyes and ears
everywhere, dear.

Well, I might as well
be living in a prison.

Don't worry about it. One
day, you'll have children.

You'll have a lifetime sentence.

Bye, sweetie.

You know, you really shouldn't
sneak up on me when I'm on the phone.

I'm sorry, Vanessa.

But it was so much fun.

Well, my best daughter
doing homework. Good!

- Daddy?
- Uh-huh?

Everybody in school hates me.

I need someone to talk to.

Do you have the phone
number to Mom in Washington?

Yes, but, uh...

if there's something
you wanted to talk about,

you could, uh...
you could tell me.

Well, Beth told me that everyone
in the class hated my guts,

and the only person who
liked me was the teacher,

and the only reason she liked
me was because she's paid to.

Everyone thinks that I called
Beth a goof face, and I didn't.

Then you go back and you just
tell them that you didn't say it.

I can't. See, Morgan's the one
who really called Beth the goof face.

So, I went to Morgan and said she
should go to Beth and tell her the truth.

- Mm-hmm.
- Morgan started to cry.

And then everyone saw how
upset she was and started hating me.

I think you have to go back and
address your "friends" and say to them,

"I am your friend,
and I tell the truth.

"Now, here is the truth,

"and don't get angry with me
just because Morgan runs off crying

because it was her fault."

And I'm sure that these people will say
to you, "Okay, you're absolutely correct."

Bingo.

Okay, Dad, I'll give it a try.

Hey, listen, it's only right.

But now I just have to stay up all
night writing this paper on Valley Forge.

- Valley Forge?
- Yeah.

Now, Dad... Dad knows
about Valley Forge.

Now let's see. Where are you?

"George Washington
is made a commander."

Yeah. Now... now
Valley Forge, see...

Valley Forge...

George Washington
and... and his...

You need a dictionary.
Go get the dictionary.

We're gonna get a dictionary,
and you're gonna write a paper...

Whoo hoo hoo! George Washington!

Hey, Olivia. What's up?

I'm bored. You
wanna play with me?

Uh, sorry. I don't have time.

I just dropped off some
of Dad's socks I borrowed.

I can do splits. Wanna see one?

I saw you do splits, and it's
great, but I really have to go.

Wait, wait! Did you
ever hear me sing?

Yeah, I heard you sing
Twist and Shout, remember?

And it was really cute.

I can do Blue Suede Shoes.

Olivia, I'd love to hear it,

but I really have a meeting I
have to get to. See ya later.

- Hey, son.
- Hey, Dad.

How you doing?

Wanna hear me sing
Blue Suede Shoes?

Oh, uh, you know what? I
have patients downstairs, hon.

I'm sorry. I can't
hear it right now.

Nobody wants to play with me.

Oh, yes, they do! Listen, why don't
you take her for a little walk? Come on.

Uh, Dad, I'm going
to the Cafe De Balzac.

All right, well, then take her to the
Cafe De Balzac with you for a while.

Please? She looks pitiful.

Okay, Olivia, let's go.

Uncle Theo's taking
you to the Village.

- There you go.
- All right!

Ha ha! Yes!

Dad, I brought back some
of the socks I borrowed.

Okay, thank you.

Sorry I couldn't wash them.

That's all right.
We expect that.

Thanks a lot, Dad!

Thanks a lot what?
Now what happened?

- I did what you told me at school.
- Yeah?

I went over to the girls and said,
" You should forgive each other."

Uh-huh.

But they said I was
pushy for coming over.

And now they hate me even more.

Well, I'm sorry
they feel that way.

Dad, why did you
tell me to do that?

Because I thought you were
dealing with civilized people.

But, Daddy, they're my friends.

And it's no fun walking
around all by myself.

Why did I listen to
you in the first place?

Mom would have never told
me to do anything like that.

[groans] Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Well, okay.

Let's try to get
a little help here.

Theo, my brother. Drew and I
have been looking all over for you.

We want to invite you to what's going
to be the greatest party of the century.

Women from three colleges
are going to be there.

- Three.
- You guys, I can't make it.

I already promised Olivia I
would spend the afternoon with her

and buy her hot chocolate.

Okay. Enjoy.

Hey, I better warn you. I
think Terri's your waitress.

- Oh, yeah?
- You remember her.

The one that never
gives you the time of day.

- Bye, Olivia.
- Adios.

Adios amigos.

So, Olivia, here we are.

That sounds like a good party.

- Yeah, I know.
- Do you wanna take me home?

Nope. You're the only
girl I wanna be with today.

May I help you?

Terri. Your coming
over here is help enough.

And your leaving would
be an even bigger help.

Now she's funny.

Well, who's this
little sweetheart?

Olivia.

She's adorable. Is
this your daughter?

Me? No. No, she's my step-niece.

I'm very single.

I'm so impressed that
you brought her in here.

I believe in staying
close to my family.

I like to pass along
what I've learned.

Especially to someone
as young as her because...

she is our future.

Would you mind if I
just sit here for a minute?

No! Here, sit, sit!

She can sing, too!

- She can?
- Yeah!

Olivia, Blue
Suede Shoes. Hit it.

♪ One for the money,
two for the show ♪

♪ Three to get ready,
now go, cat, go ♪

♪ But don't you ♪

♪ Step on my blue suede shoes ♪

♪ You can do what you want, but
don't step on my blue suede shoes ♪

♪ You can knock me
down, step on my face ♪

♪ Call my name
a total disgrace ♪

♪ But don't you ♪

♪ Step on my blue suede shoes ♪

Ladies, you 're about to see an
incredible feat for a four-year old.

Olivia, a split. Hit it.

[Woman] Wow. That's great.

[Terri] Olivia, that
was wonderful.

[Theo] Thank you.

Ladies, I'm gonna take
Olivia to Central Park tomorrow

to go ice skating, but I'm
not exactly sure what time.

So if you wanna leave your
names and phone numbers with me,

I'm sure I can find some time
to call you and let you know.

Now, ladies,
please write legibly.

It'd be a shame if you
didn't get to see Olivia again

because I couldn't read
your phone numbers.

Do you want my phone number?

Yes... No!

[laughs nervously] Justine...

I... I know you're
wondering what I'm doing.

I have a pretty good idea.

No! See, it's not
what you think.

I'm getting these phone
numbers for Olivia.

She's new in town,
and she needs friends.

Well, that's very sweet of you.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

Here I am thinking that you
were just using this sweet little girl

to meet women and
get their phone numbers.

Who gets the phone numbers?

Oh! I'll take them.

Theo has a tendency to
be careless and loses things.

Thank you.

Easy come, easy go.

Mrs. McGee?

Yes, Kenneth, what is it?

How long do I have
to stay after school?

Cheer up. You've got
less than two minutes left.

And while we're sitting here, Kenneth,
I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Do you enjoy the
subject of history?

Yes.

And do you find my classes interesting
and maybe even sometimes stimulating?

Yes.

And are you answering in the affirmative
because I'm asking the questions?

Yes.

Has anyone ever told you that talking to
you is like taking a multiple-choice test?

Yes.

You try my patience, Kenneth.
You really try my patience.

Thank you.

Your time's up. You
can go home now.

But in future, Kenneth,

I want you to take every single
assignment I give you seriously

and do the very
best job you can.

Success in life depends
on a good education.

- Not always.
- I beg your pardon?

That's not what my brother said.

What does your brother say?

My brother says,

"It's not what you
know, it's who you know."

I see. And who does
your brother know?

Nobody. That's why
he doesn't have a job.

Go home, Kenneth.

I'll do better next time
I have a paper to write.

Guess what? Next time is now.

I want you to redo your
paper tonight on Valley Forge

and have it on my desk
first thing in the morning.

I should have kept
my mouth shut.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Uh, don't run in
the hall, Kenneth!

Sorry about that, Dr. Huxtable.
How nice to see you.

Thank you. Come right in.

Sit down, anywhere. Thank you.

[chuckles]

Now then...

You telephoned, and you
want to talk about Rudy?

Yes, I want to talk about Rudy
because she's very, very saddened

by the fact that she says that
her friends are not talking to her,

that they hate her.

I tried to explain life
and people to her,

but it just seems to have...

Things have just gotten worse.

Let me ask you something.

Did you talk to Mrs. Huxtable before
you gave Rudy all this splendid advice?

No.

She's out of town, isn't she?

How did you know that?

Well, I remember when you
came to see me about Vanessa,

Mrs. Huxtable was out of town.

And I remember when you
came to see me about Denise,

Mrs. Huxtable was out of town.

So I just assumed that
when your wife is away,

you get a bit bamboozled
by those daughters of yours.

Um...

but what about this
experience with Rudy?

Oh, Dr. Huxtable.

Children Rudy's age behave
very strangely, I'm afraid, at times.

I mean, one day,
they're best friends,

and then the next day, they're
not speaking to one another,

and for no apparent reason.

Now, you see, Rudy may
be in big trouble today,

but I will bet you any amount of
money that in a couple of weeks,

she'll be the most
popular girl in this class.

So if you'll take my advice,

you'll just step
back and let it pass.

Thank you.

Uh, before you go, could I have another
few minutes of your time, Dr. Huxtable?

Uh, you probably don't know,

but I gave the children a
paper to write on Valley Forge,

and, um, I wanted to
read you a few of them

and then talk to
you about Rudy's.

Uh... let me see.

Oh, yes. Here's Kenneth's paper.

You know Kenny. Yeah.

He's got a lot of potential.
Difficult, but a lot of potential.

"The men from Valley
Forge fought in a war.

"Many died. They did not
have food and supplies.

I would write more, but I don't
have to. It's all in my history book."

And now this is Amy's paper.

Amy is a hard
worker. A bright girl.

"George Washington and his men
spent the winter in Valley Forge.

"It was in 1777.

"It was cold.

"They had very little
supplies, but they were brave.

They lasted until spring."

Now I'll read you a few
lines of Rudy's paper.

Honestly, I was just amazed.

She has an enormous
grasp of history.

"George Washington and his men

"faced hardship and
sacrifice in pursuit of a dream...

a dream called America."

She refers to the "harrowing
campaign of 1777."

"The insurmountable obstacles
threatening ultimate success."

And my absolute favorite...
My absolute favorite...

"The ubiquitous melancholy...

that descended on the
downtrodden warriors."

It's just terrific, isn't it?

I mean, it gets better
every time I read it.

I think Rudy should
go straight to college.

She's a very bright girl.

There's only one problem:
You'd have to go with her.

I beg your pardon?

When Mrs. Huxtable
helps Rudy with a paper,

her 11-year-old capabilities
come shining through.

And when you help
her with her paper,

I get "ubiquitous melancholy"
and "downtrodden warriors."

When is Mrs.
Huxtable coming home?

- Tomorrow.
- Thank God.

- Well, thank you.
- My pleasure.

I'll be going now.

Uh, before you go, Dr. Huxtable,

I want you to go to the
blackboard and write 100 times

"I will not do my child's
homework for her."

That's... That is funny.

I'm not joking.

Start writing.

I'm... I'm not in your class.

You walk into this
room, you're mine.

Start... writing.

Don't write big.

I'm onto that one.

Uh, Dr. Huxtable? Yes, ma'am?

Would you walk me to my car?

It might be a
harrowing experience.

Well, if we don't run into
any insurmountable obstacles,

I'm sure that we'll
have ultimate success.

[Cliff] Yes.

Dad?

I usually go to Mom when I want to
talk about something like this, but...

I think you'd be
really good for it.

I'm all ears.

Now, if you're too
busy, I can call Mom.

Sit down!

Dad, I'm thinking of going to this
party at my friend Christine's house,

where I know no one will be
doing any drugs or drinking.

I hope so.

The problem is when I
get to school on Monday,

the kids who do drugs and alcohol
are going to call me antisocial

because I went to Christine's, who
won't allow any of them in her house.

Uh-huh.

[sighs] I'm just not gonna go.

Thanks, Dad.

No, no, no, no,
no, sit down here.

Sit down here.

Are you telling me...

that you are not going to go
to a party because on Monday

you're afraid of what
these drunkies and junkies

are going to be saying to you?

And I'm telling
you go to that party.

Are you saying you want
me to go to Christine's party?

You have fun and
stay an extra hour later.

Now you go ahead,
hon. Enjoy yourself.

Thank you, Dad.
Thank you, honey.

[telephone rings]

We're open all night.

How are you?

I am just fine now that
I can hear from you.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

All the children are just fine.

Yeah?

As a matter of fact, I just had
a little discussion with Vanessa.

About what?

Well, you know, she
wants to go to a party,

and because this person
who's throwing the party

doesn't allow people who
do drugs and alcohol there,

she claims that when she
gets back to school on Monday,

the drunkies and the druggies are going
to be making so much of a fuss about it,

she doesn't want
to go to this party.

So I said, "You go."

Cliff, who's having this party?

The girl's name? Christine.

Christine is a college student,
darling, with her own apartment.

There are going to be guys at
that party who will be four, five,

maybe even six years
older than Vanessa,

and I have already told that
little wench that she's not to go.

She has hoodwinked you,
darling. She got you good this time.

So, Dad, how do I look?

- Hello?
- Hello, Vanessa.

♪♪ [theme]

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