The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 7 - Autumn Gifts - full transcript

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Stop that.

What?

What?

Haven't you ever
heard of a glass?

But, Daddy, I'm in a hurry.

I'm going to Mrs. Hickson's
house to play go fish.

Look at this.

You guys drink out of
this bottle all the time,



and look at this stuff here.

Bread crumbs floating around.

There's even a whole
corn flake in here.

What is this?

That's not mine. Vanessa
had the corn flakes this morning.

Well, I'm telling you right now,

if you go over to
Mrs. Hickson's house,

I don't want her to call me and
say, "You are bringing up a barbarian.

She is drinking milk right out of
the carton and eating with her toes."

I don't eat with my toes.

And you don't drink out
of a bottle either, all right?

Okay.

The one you should
yell at is Vanessa.

She borrows your toothbrush.



Thank you for squealing.

Hey, son.

Oh, Dad, I see you
got the snacks for today.

That's right. No visit
would be complete

without breaking some
bread with my son.

Mmm. But you have more than
bread here, Dad. You have...

Ooooh.

You got some, uh,
barbecue... from Jays...

with the super spicy sauce.

Oh, my goodness.

But I'm afraid you
can't have any of this.

You're on a salt-free diet.

So... w-what did you bring me?

What Clair told
me you could eat.

And what is that?

Rice cakes.

Let me tell you about my wife.

Now, don't you tell me
anything about your wife.

Then, will you do me a favor?

If you don't mind...

if you just... just let me
please take a look at it.

Can I s... I'm afraid not.

Well, can I have the bag?

Why?

Oh! Ooh!

Do you have any fours?

No, go fish.

Contessa, would you
like some more tea?

A spot, Duchess.

Oh, this reminds me
of the afternoon I spent

with the Duke and the Duchess
of Windsor at their country estate,

playing croquet
on the east lawn.

Ah, yes, such a lovely lawn.

That it is.

But not as lovely as the lawn
of the king and queen of Jupiter.

But much nicer than the lawn of
the emperor and the empress of Mars.

Duchess, you naughty
thing. But don't stop. I love it.

Don't we all.

Do you have any sevens?

It's my turn.

Yes, well I was just checking to
see that you were paying attention.

Oh, excuse me.

Windsor Palace, the
Duchess speaking.

Hello, Robbie.

It's my son, Prince Robbie.

Well, I'm just fine.

Having tea with the Contessa.

Yes.

Yes, I will.

I said, yes, I will. Get
off my case, Robbie.

I promise to take my pill if
you'll stop acting like one.

Well, what about you?

Are you flossing?

Well, it's very
important after 40.

Yes, good-bye.

How's the prince?

He is a royal pain.

He's always asking
if I take my medicine.

You never take it? Why not?

Oh, well, Rudy, you have to
take medicine when you're sick.

But I'm not sick.

Now, do you have any sevens?

Mrs. Hickson, it's my turn.

Oh, yes.

Well, I just was trying
to psyche you out.

Do you have any threes?

Oh, Contessa,
you are killing me.

I haven't played with such a card
shark since I played King Henry VIII.

I was married to
him once, you know.

Long live the king.

Long live the king.

♪ Open the door, Richard ♪

♪ Open the door and let me in ♪

As per Clair's orders,

broccoli, rice cakes,
distilled water, no salt snack.

Hello.

Hello.

- Hey. How you doing?
- Hi, how are you?

What's that?

Sleeping bags.

You didn't pay your rent?

Daddy, of course we did.

How's everything?

Fine. Hi, Dad. Good to see you.

I'm really beginning to feel

that we made the
right career choice.

We've had a terrific month in
sales at the wilderness store.

The only things that aren't
moving are these sleeping bags.

Well, you're not
moving them here.

No, we're not.

We're here to make you a
part of a promotional campaign.

The idea is to get quotes from
people who have used the bags

in order to get other
people to buy them.

So Elvin and I are going to
sleep in the backyard tonight,

and anyone who joins
us can give us their quote.

So who wants to join us?

Well, Dad, you
are the guest here.

Uh, thanks, son,

but, you know,
these sleeping bags

are filled with goose feathers
and I'm allergic to them.

Grandpa these bags are
made with manmade fibers.

I'm allergic to them, too.

- Dad?
- I'm allergic to bears.

We're gonna be in the backyard.

You have to sleep face
up in those things don't you?

- Yeah, that's right.
- Allergic to pigeons, also.

And besides, it's supposed
to be 32 degrees out.

Yes, but it'll be 76
degrees in the sleeping bag.

Mm-hmm. But it will be
63 degrees in my bedroom,

and I'll be able to watch TV.

Well, maybe we hit you
with this too suddenly.

You'll probably feel differently after
you've thought about it for a while.

Meanwhile we'll just
put the bags in the back.

Help yourself.

I admire their
initiative, Cliff.

I think they're going to make a go
of it with this, um, wilderness store.

If they don't, they're not going to
sleep out in my backyard, I tell you that.

Grandpa!

Ohhh, there's my darling.

Now where did you
get that lovely hat?

Mrs. Hickson gave it to me.

And who is Mrs. Hickson?

She's my friend.

She lives on our street.

Did you have a good
time at her house today?

Yes, she's really funny
when we play cards.

She gets sleepy,
and then she cheats.

Well, how does she cheat?

She says it's her turn
when it's really mine.

- She's doing that again?
- Yes.

So how's she feeling?

She says she's feeling fine.

That's why she stopped
taking her medicine.

Guess who's here?

- Who?
- Sondra and Elvin.

They're out in the backyard.

Sondra! Elvin!

And no matter what, you are not
sleeping in the backyard tonight.

Come on, you and I'll take a
walk over and see Mrs. Hickson.

You know, she's
done this before.

And, um, I think you and I
can help her take her medicine.

Well, you know, I've seen this
before with some friends of mine, now.

If they have medicine they have
to take, they start resenting it.

They feel it controls their lives.
That's why they stop taking it.

Well, you know, when you
get old, things like that happen.

And I saw you take that rib.

Well, Dr. Huxtable.

How are you, Mrs. Hickson?

And who is this handsome
young man with you?

Oh, this is my younger
brother, Russell Huxtable.

I'm his father.

It's a pleasure meeting
you, Mrs. Hickson.

Oh, now, you
don't know that yet.

Come on in and I'll give
you a chance to find out.

Well, thank you.

You know, Rudy's
always talking about

how good a time she has
whenever she's over here.

How did you like that
hat she came home with?

It was beautiful.

You didn't have
to give it to her.

I didn't, I sold it to her.

You sold it to her?

She said her father
was good for the money.

So you owe me $325.

Got a sense of humor.

I am serious. Cough it up.

Well, my father has the money.

Why don't you both sit down.

Thank you.

May I get you
something to drink?

I'll put it on your tab.

No, I'm fine, thanks.

No, we just had a
wonderful meal, I think.

Oh.

I couldn't help but notice
this medicine you have here.

Dr. Huxtable, is that medicine bottle
the reason that you dropped by today?

No. Uh, it's what's
inside the bottle

that you're not taking is the
reason why I'm here today.

Well, I'm not sure that's
any of your business,

but if you like that bottle so
much, you may take it home.

I don't need it.

I see that, um, Dr. Davidson
wrote the prescription.

Yes.

He's only 33 years old.

I told him if he wanted
me to listen to him,

he should bring a
note from his mother.

Good one.

Yeah, but, you see, Dr. Davidson
would not write this prescription

unless he felt you needed it.

If you don't take your medicine,

then you're going to
have some drowsiness,

and memory loss.

And after a while, you could
slip into a diabetic coma.

Doctor, listen.

I have no intention of taking medicine
every day for the rest of my life.

I feel fine.

Now, you are welcome to stay here
if you want to discuss world affairs,

or the new football season.

But if you want to talk about medicine,
you can go home and do it there.

Okay, so, uh, we can
discuss, uh, world affairs.

Fine.

Did you know that
the emperor of Ethiopia

is not taking his medicine?

Now, you know, I heard that too,

and it's a shame, because
he's such a fine man.

You two troublemakers
are not going to be satisfied

unless I take
one of those pills.

Absolutely.

All right. You win.

I'll take a pill.

- Oh, wonderful.
- There you are.

- Thank you.
- All right, I'll pour the water for you.

Oh, fine.

There you go.

Thank you.

Drink it down, drink it down.

Wonderful.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd
like to take my afternoon nap.

Oh, so you're putting us out?

That's right.

No hard feelings? None at all.

Nice to have met
you, Mrs. Hickson.

And I hope you come again.

Yes, we will.

Not often, but again.

Bye-bye.

Yes, Dr. Davidson.

Mrs. Hickson is
a tough customer.

If you don't mind,

I'll stop by every once in a
while to check on her, okay?

Yeah. All right.

Bye-bye.

What did he say?

Well, he said that she's
been his patient for five years,

and she's been one of the
toughest people he's ever had.

That's Mrs. Hickson for you.

She's got a lot of spunk.

Yeah, but I outspunked her.

Hi, Daddy.

- Guess what?
- What?

I got Mrs. Hickson
to take her medicine.

Did you see her take it?

Yes, I did.

Did you check under her tongue?

No, why?

That's where she hides the pill
when she doesn't want to swallow it.

Really?

Yeah, I saw her do that
when her son was there.

Bet she faked you out, too.

Cliff, I think you should call Mrs.
Hickson's son and tell him about this.

Well, no, I want
to find out first of all

if she did or did not
take the medication.

And if she didn't, then she's
definitely thrown down the gauntlet,

and I accept the challenge.

Is Daddy going to get Mrs.
Hickson to take her medicine?

Either that or she'll
make him take it.

Oh, that's my
favorite soap opera.

I never miss The
Young Attorneys.

Yeah, you know who I love?

Clint Nelson, the
public defender.

Girl, he is so gorgeous.

I would rob a bank
to let him defend me.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Because then I'd go to prison,
and Clint and I couldn't be together.

I know, maybe I
could get jury duty.

Yeah, that would be great.

Okay. Okay, I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

Hey, Vanessa. I didn't
know you were home.

Hi. Hey, sis.

What's up?

How would you like
to get closer to nature

and help your sister
and me at the same time?

I'm not gonna sleep
in the backyard.

How do you know
that's what we wanted?

It's a small house,
Sondra. Word travels fast.

Well, that only leaves Mom.

She's in the kitchen.

Let's go.

Last chance.

Good luck, you guys.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom.

Mom, we have a business
proposition for you.

I'm selling a new
line of sleeping bags.

And I think I could sell
them by the hundreds

if I could make the claim, "This
sleeping bag is so comfortable,

even my mother-in-law
camped out in it."

Mom, you'll really enjoy it.

These sleeping bags are
very warm and comfortable.

Uh, can I think about this?

Well, sure.

I don't even know
why we asked you.

I beg your pardon?

It's not the type of
thing you normally go for.

I mean, you're
in the indoor type.

You dress real beautifully,
and your hair's always in place.

You like the things
that women like.

Elvin, are you trying to say
that I'm too delicate for this?

- No, not at all.
- Because I happen to like camping.

Now, I haven't done it in
a while, but I am as hearty

as the next person, so you
just name the time and the place.

How about 10:00 in the backyard?

You got it.

I'll be there, with
my hair messed up.

Elvin, you were sensational.

The way you turned
my mother around

by using reverse psychology.

What do you mean?

You know, the way you made
all those ridiculous statements

about how women are only
interested in looking good.

It was brilliant.

Well?

That woman is funny.

She came to the
door, and she went,

"What do you want?"

I said, "I want to come in."

"Well what is it this time?"

So I looked around,
and in the trash is the pill.

So I said, "Is this the pill?"

"Oh, listen, why
do you bother me?"

I said, "Now, look. You're
going to take this pill."

I went over and I got
one, and I watched her.

She put it in her
mouth, drank the water.

She says, "Now what?"

So I said, "I want you to say

'The rain in Spain
falls mainly on Spain. ""

So she said, "The rain in
Sp..." and her teeth fell out.

And the pill flew
up on the sofa.

No, no, no, no.

What happened is the pill
fell out, and so I picked it up.

I said, "Come on, now.
You got to take this.

Swallow it." She says, "Okay."

I said, "Thank you very much."

And then she gives
me her left hand.

So I said, "Uh-oh."

I said, "Let me
see the right hand."

Now she's got the
thing in the right hand.

So I said, "How do you it?

You have side... holes
on the side of your neck?"

Now how did you
get her to take the pill?

I told her. I said,
"This is very important.

"If you take it, you live.

If you don't, you die."

- Very good.
- Thank you.

Now all we have to do is get somebody
to come over here and do that to you.

- For what?
- Salt.

Oh, Lord, please.

Cliff, for the past five years,

your doctor has been telling
you to lower your salt intake.

Have you done it? Hardly.

You must have your hoagies,
your bacon, your chips.

I've even seen you at
the kitchen table with a fork

trying to make the holes
in the salt shaker bigger.

That's because the
holes were clogged.

Aren't you the man who told
me that your greatest fear in life

is that one day you're going
to be walking down the street

minding your own
business and pass out.

Only to awaken and find
an unattractive person

breathing foul air
into your mouth.

And Mrs. Hickson is just
as stubborn as you are.

You got her to take
that pill one time.

But what is your guarantee
that she'll continue to take them?

Because she said so.

I think we're going
to have to do more.

Okay.

Well, while you're thinking, I
think I'll fix myself a little snack.

Hello?

I'm just going to
have a little bit of, uh...

I'm not going in there
to fix anything salty.

I was going to have a glass of
distilled water and a bowl of air.

Are you sure the only reason I
was invited over here is for dinner?

Maybe.

Your family has something up
its collective sleeve don't they?

Maybe.

Well, what is it?

Oh, come on.

The Contessa would tell me.

Sorry, but the
Contessa went to Jupiter.

Hello, Mrs. Hickson.

Oh, the policemen.

Mrs. Hickson, we're so
glad you could come over.

Well, I'm glad
to be here so far.

Well, we heard you
took your medicine today,

so we thought we'd have
you over for a little celebration.

Well, how nice.

That's it?

We hope that we
can do this every day.

You have my word on it.

Good, then you won't
mind signing this.

What is it?

Just a contract.

It says you agree to let Rudy
come over every morning

and watch you
take your medicine.

If you have brought me over here to sign
something, you have wasted good paper.

My son and his family,
care a great deal about you.

All they want is a promise.

Yeah, don't you want me
to come over in the morning?

Rudy, you may come
over any morning you want,

but I'm not signing anything.

I'm at an age where if I feel
like doing something, I do it.

And if I don't
feel like it, I don't.

And you're perfectly
right, Mrs. Hickson.

I mean, you're the one who
should make this decision.

We shouldn't talk
about this any further.

Absolutely.

Okay, I'm just going
to get a little snack.

Help myself to
something to eat here, boy.

Okay.

Gonna have
myself a little snack.

I hope you don't mind.

Cliff, you're not
supposed to eat salty food.

Yeah, but I feel fine, dear.

I feel wonderful.

And, you know, it's been a long time
since I had one of these boys, you know.

I'm ready to tear this up,
put a little salt on the thing,

and it won't hurt.
It's only one day.

'Cause I feel fine.

Mmm. Oh, it's been a long time.

Mmmm.

Oh.

Oh my goodness, my
son. We've got to help him.

My poor daddy.

Just leave him alone.

Don't anybody touch him.

I told him not to eat that salt.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I don't care what you say.

I'm not brushing my teeth!

But Vanessa, aren't you worried

that your teeth and
gums won't stay healthy?

No, I am not going to
let some dentist tell me

that I have to brush my
teeth for the rest of my life.

Vanessa, you haven't
brushed them in a month.

Hey. My teeth, my decision.

I am doing just fine without
brushing them, thank you both.

Hello.

Oh, that was just wonderful.

Do I get to see another one now?

- Hey, everybody.
- I knew it.

Whoa, what happened to Dad?

- Salt.
- Salt? That's too bad.

Just a minute ago,
he said he felt fine.

Yep, well, now you're
the man of the house.

Oh, great. Well, I'm
going out, see you.

But Theo, wait. Wait! Wait!

Aren't you gonna
stay for dinner?

Well, I ate some
food three days ago.

Oh, honey, you have to
eat every day to stay healthy.

Mom, I eat when I want to eat.

I don't need someone telling me

I have to have food every
day for the rest of my life.

I'm the man of the house now.

Give me some slack,
I don't need food.

I feel fine.

Whoa!

Okay, I'll sign.

I must say, you
people are persistent.

You're nuts, but
you are persistent.

Okay, Mrs. Hickson,
you sign up on the top,

and Rudy will
sign on the bottom.

All right.

Whoa.

I can play, too, you know.

Ah!

Fresh air.

Mom, Dad, we really
appreciate you helping us out.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

I think this was a
good compromise.

With the windows open, it's
almost like sleeping outdoors.

Well, we'll be in the backyard.
We'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

Good night, Dad, thanks.

Good night. Good night.

Cliff. Hmm?

I guess kissing you
goodnight is out of the question.

I guess doing a whole lot of
things is out of the question.

It is starting to get
cold in this room.

My nose is beginning
to feel numb.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Cliff, why didn't you take care of
that before they zipped you up?

Because I didn't have to
go before they zipped me up.

You did drink a lot of
water after dinner tonight.

But if you had let me eat salt,
the salt would've soaked it up.

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to wait till the morning.

Well, I'm going to the bathroom.

The zipper is stuck.

The zipper's... take...

Unzip this, will you please?

Hurry up, dear, please.

No, I'm not kidding. Come on.

Quit fooling. Come
on, I have to go.

My zipper's stuck, too.

- Your zipper is not stuck.
- Yes, it is.

Don't fool with me now.

I swear, it's stuck.

Unzip this. The zipper's stuck.

The Cosby Show was taped
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