The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 3, Episode 15 - Say Hello to a Good Buy - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪♪ [singing in Spanish]

♪♪ [ends]

Ooh. That's interesting.

When are you
going to go to sleep?

In a minute, honey.

This is a fascinating article about
what makes a happy marriage.

Mm.

And, Cliff, at the end of
the article there is a quiz.

Oh, no.

- Let's take the quiz, Cliff.
- No.



Oh, come on,
honey. It'll be fun.

I don't want to take
a quiz. For what?

I'm already happily married.

I don't have to take a quiz
and then mess up my marriage.

Are you afraid that we'll find out
we don't have a happy marriage?

No. Question number one.

"What would you
change about your mate?"

Nothing.

Are you saying I'm perfect?

Absolutely.

Well, it says here that, "If
your spouse says 'nothing,""

"he or she may have
something to hide."

That's wrong. And they lie.

Well, let's see.



There must be something
about me that you would change.

Let me sleep on it

and then I'll make
a list in the morning.

This is what I would
change about you.

Sometimes when you eat, you put
your fork in your mouth sideways,

and then when you pull it
out, it scrapes your teeth

and I don't... like... that.

I'm sorry.

I won't do it again.

Okay, now it's your turn.

I don't have anything.

Okay, then I'll go again.

You will, won't you?

Yes, I will.

Okay.

Uh... I wish that, uh...

there were two of
you instead of just one.

Cliff, that is very sweet.

Are you trying to say that
one of me is not enough?

I'm trying to say that I
wish there were two of you

because if one started to
act the way you act now,

I'd roll over and sleep
with the other one.

- Hey, Dad.
- How you doing?

Is something wrong?

Afraid I'm going to have to
get rid of the station wagon.

Betty Lou?

Yeah.

Came out of the hospital,
when I got into her,

she wouldn't start up.

So I got out, went around the front,
lifted up the hood, and I was looking,

and Dr. Quinn came out and said,

"You fooling around with
that thing again, Dr. Huxtable?"

"Why don't you get a tow truck
and have it towed away forever?"

And I know that
Betty Lou heard him

because her windshield
started to mist.

And I took the wiper blade
and I... I wiped the little tears

from off of the windshield.

Dad, you've had
Betty Lou for 15 years.

Fifteen good years, too.

Fifteen... Fifteen years,
man, of sleet, snow.

Snow! Blizzards!

I'd be on the road, on
my way to deliver a baby,

and snow plows would
see Betty Lou coming

and they would
pull over to the side

as if to say, "Betty
Lou, lead the way."

And there were times
when the gauge read "empty"

and she went another
15 miles on fumes!

Oh, Betty Lou.

Dad, you have to move on.

Yeah.

Guess I have to get another car.

Mom will be happy.

She's been wanting you to get
rid of Betty Lou for a long time.

Your mother has always
been jealous of her.

Are you going to get
another station wagon?

Yep.

Dad, before you do
that, I have an idea.

Yeah? What's that?

You see, I don't think a
station wagon is the way to go.

Really?

No, the family's not
that big anymore.

Denise and Sondra
are away at college

and I'm going to be in
college before you know it.

So you're saying I should
get something smaller?

A sedan?

No, I have something
else in mind.

Like what? This.

Ooh!

XKY 4000.

Ha ha, yeah.

Whoa.

Uh, does this woman
lying on the hood

come with the car too?

No, Dad.

But, son, this is a sports car.

Dad, this sports car goes
from 0 to 60 in 5.7 seconds.

Now think how fast you can get to
the hospital and deliver those babies.

You're thinking it's a
two-seater, right? Yeah.

Now, you know Vanessa doesn't
go that many places with us anymore.

And if you let me drive,
Mom could sit on your lap.

What do we do with Rudy?

There's a storage
space behind the seats.

Just slide her in there.

Let me see this.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

Better. Look. There's a
luggage rack on the trunk.

We could put her
on the luggage rack

and strap her down.

[laughing]

Are you making fun of me?

Yes!

I'm going to get
a station wagon.

What about the XKY?

You can get the XKY
when you get the do re mi.

One second.

What's up?

I need to borrow a
ruler to do my report.

Oh, go ahead. It's
on top of the desk.

What's your report about?

Mammals, reptiles and birds.

Can I read it? No.

Why not?

Whenever I show you
something, you tell me it's wrong.

If you let me read it, I
promise I won't say anything.

Well, okay.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

- Well?
- Well, what?

What do you think?

I promised not to say anything.

Tell me. I want to know.

[sighs]

Do you want nice or honest?

Honest.

It stinks.

It does not stink.

I'm sorry, Rudy.
You wanted honest.

Okay, tell me what's wrong.

The animals you
drew, they're way off.

Under "mammals" you drew a
duck. Now that's not a mammal.

That's not a duck.

What is it?

It's a giraffe.

On Mars maybe.

Rudy, no one's going
to think that's a giraffe.

Hey, I'm only seven.

That is no excuse.

You are hiding behind your age.

Come out.

What can I do? I'm
not a good drawer.

Rudy, I can help
you with the drawing,

but did your teacher
say that you had to draw?

No.

Well, there you go.

What you need to do is find some
pictures of mammals and birds,

cut them out and paste
them onto the page.

And underneath the picture
write the name of the animal.

But do it neatly because
teachers love neatness.

So I have to start
all over again.

It's up to you.
You have a choice.

You can either be an A
student or a Miss Sloppy Pig.

I want an A.

Good.

If you like, I'd be happy to
look it over when you're through.

You think I'm coming back here?

I understand. This is the price.

Yes, I will stand firm on it.

Thank you, Bruce. Bye, bye.

Dad, aren't you
going to get ready?

Yes, I am ready.

Why are you dressed like that?

I'm dressed like this
because when you go in

to negotiate the price of a car,

you can't go in looking
like you have a lot of money.

But the price of the car is
already on the sticker, right?

That's the
suggested retail price.

Now, I'm going to go in and
negotiate with the salesman

on what will be
the actual price.

How do you know
what price to ask for?

I talked to Dr. Bruce Bolden,
who knows all about cars

and also happens to be cheap.

Okay. All right.

Now is there anything
I can do to help?

Yes. You cannot let anyone
know that I am a doctor.

Okay.

If they find out that I'm a doctor,
then the man will lose all flexibility

in determining the price.

Okay, Mr. Huxtable.
Am I still your son?

No.

Yes, you will always be my son.

Thanks, Dad. Yeah.

Will I still be your father?

No.

And, you know, we
handle more cars

than any dealership in
this whole tri-state area.

I've never seen so many cars.

We've got five miles
of cars on that lot.

And I'm ready to move
every one of them.

[chuckles]

Now go ahead and
have a seat here.

Thank you, Mr. Sarrette.

No, please call me Davis.

Ah.

Now, that station wagon
you were looking at,

now wasn't it a beauty?

And that is the
most popular model.

Even the color you wanted, Dad.

Looks like Junior approves.

Junior doesn't have
money to pay for a car.

Well, that is true,

but I'm glad you brought him along
because children are truly wonderful.

Mm-hmm, most of
them. Most of them.

[Davis chuckles]

Hey, I got three beautiful
daughters myself.

She's 12.

Ah, and this one's eight.

And check the little
baby out, seven years old.

Look at that little
crooked smile.

Yeah, she's going to be
getting braces pretty soon.

[phone ringing]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, how you doing, dear?

Excuse me, it's my wife.

Two hundred dollars?

Ouch. [chuckles]

Go ahead and pay the
man. Got to have heat.

Yeah.

That's right, can't have the
children freezing this winter.

Okay, I love you
too, now. Bye, bye.

[expels breath]

$200 here, $200 there.

Soon as I make it, it's gone.

Mm.

[Davis] Do you have
any more children?

I have four daughters and a son.

And I know exactly
what you mean.

Two of them are in college.

The others have the
braces you're talking about.

I don't have any clothes because I
spend everything dressing him up.

Must be quite expensive
raising a large family like that.

Oh, yeah.

May I ask what
you do for a living?

Yes, I work.

Don't we all? [Cliff laughing]

- Where?
- Huh?

Where? Hard.

Doing what?

What difference does it make
as long as you work hard?

What does your father
do that's so hard?

I wouldn't want to do it.

Why don't we take your
new car out for a test drive?

- My new car?
- Oh, yes.

In addition to being a salesman,
I can also see into the future.

And I see you in that car.

Can you also see me
getting a good deal?

Oh, I see you
getting a great deal.

All right.

Dr. Huxtable!

Doctor?

Dr. Huxtable! Yeah.

It's good to see you, doctor.

Yeah. How... How
are you, Mr. Babette?

What are you... What
are you doing here?

I'm having my car serviced.

What about you? You
thinking about buying?

I came to buy a
station wagon maybe.

A station wagon?
With all of your money?

And look, what are these
clothes you're wearing?

I go into this guy's office,
he wears designer sweaters.

One of his sweaters cost
more than my whole wardrobe.

Who's this guy standing here?

Uh, that's... that's my
son. This is Mr. Babette.

Uh, hi. Your name?

Theo. Hi, Leo.

It's very nice seeing you.

So, you're a doctor?

And how's... how's
Mrs. Huxtable?

Oh, so-so.

So-so.

I heard she was made
a partner in her law firm.

She's in the biggest
law firm in the country.

Look, I wish I could
stay here talking to you,

but look, I got to go home.

I'm going to tell Nancy
I saw you, Dr. Huxtable.

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Oh, good.

Nice meeting you, Leo.

Theo.

Now, what did you say you do?

Hey, Rudy, how's it going?

I'm almost finished.

Already? That was fast.

This is good.

You like it? Yeah.

These pictures are great.
Where did you get them?

Out of these books.

These books?

Yeah.

The encyclopedia? Yeah.

Dad's Audubon book of birds, the
one Mom gave him for his birthday?

Yeah, that one had
lots of good pictures in it.

Rudy, I don't believe this.

You just ruined some
very valuable books.

You told me to cut out pictures.

Not out of books,
out of magazines.

You didn't say magazines.

Well, that is what I meant.

That's not what you said.

[sighs] It doesn't matter.

You are in major trouble.

So are you.

Me?

Yeah, so it's your fault.
Dad left you in charge.

It is not!

You're the one who
cut out the pictures.

You're the one who left
me alone with scissors.

Hey.

Got the shoes I
wanted, and on sale.

Vanessa's in trouble. I am not.

What's wrong?

Vanessa told me to cut
pictures out of these books.

Vanessa!

I didn't tell her that.

I just told her to find some
pictures of mammals and birds.

Yeah, did you tell her where
she could find the pictures?

No.

You should have done that.

Why is everyone trying
to blame me for this?

Because Dad left you in charge.

I'm only 13.

Vanessa, Dad is
not going to buy that.

Daddy only put me in charge
because you weren't here.

You never stay
home when you visit.

Excuse me, I do
have friends to see

and shopping to do.

Can't spend all my
time with you two.

We're your little sisters and
we need to be supervised.

Give me a break!

I've spent half of my life
babysitting the two of you.

I'm in college now.

So? Mom and Dad
are paying for it.

What has that got
to do with anything?

You should be paying them
back by taking care of us.

Yeah, so it's your fault too!

It is not.

Look, look, look,
let's not argue, okay?

Dad's going to settle
this when he gets home.

And you two are in big trouble.

Well...

doctor, you have to admit that
was probably the smoothest ride

you've ever had
in a station wagon.

Now what are you going
to sell me the car for?

You saw the price
on the sticker.

All right. [both laughing]

My mind is like a
prairie; it's wide open.

So why don't you
give me a suggestion.

Okay.

Oh, are we going to write
it on a piece of paper?

Uh-huh. [chuckles]

I can see I'm dealing
with a pro here.

[chuckles]

Why don't you give this back
to me when you're done writing.

I'm done.

You're joking, right?
You're kidding me.

Your father's playing
with me, right?

Do you have a joke?

Oh, I certainly do.

Is it funnier than mine?

It's hilarious. [laughs]

You'll love this one.

You only took $150 off.

That's right, but I'm going to give
you that rear window defroster for free.

I don't need a rear
window defroster.

I have junior.

When I'm driving the car
and the rear window frosts up,

I stop it and I say,
"Junior..." He's out...

Doctor, this is
the best I can do.

Now you're just going
to have to come up some.

Yeah, this price
includes my trade-in.

What trade-in?

The trade-in. I have
a car right out here.

Oh, let me take a look. This
could change everything here.

All right.

I don't see nothing out there but
an old, abandoned station wagon.

I'm going to have to add $300 to the
price just to tow that thing off my lot.

I'll tell you what; I can see
that you're really attached to her.

And I am a sentimental guy,

so what I'm going to do is give
you a respectable price here.

You add another $500 to
your final offer, we got a deal.

One hundred.

Come on, doctor, it's
going to take at least 400.

- Two hundred.
- Three hundred.

Two.

You can't come up
another hundred dollars?

No, sir.

Well, I'm sorry.

As much as I'd like to make
this deal, I just... I can't do this.

Okay. Thank you, Mr. Sarrette.

We certainly
appreciate your time.

Here we go. Are
we really leaving?

Yes.

[Davis] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You mean to tell me you would
walk out this door over $100?

Yes, sir.

I'll tell you what, man, you know
you're making me work hard here.

[Cliff chuckles]

I'll meet you halfway. Fifty.

- You have a deal.
- Ha hah!

Yeah. All right, we did it!

Ha ha, ow!

[Vanessa] Hi, Dad.

Hi. What have we here?

We thought we'd do
something special tonight.

How nice.

Yes, Dad. Come, sit down.

Talk to us. Oh.

So, how did it go with the car?

Well, fine.

We... We have a brand new
station wagon tomorrow morning.

Yes. Splendid!

Oh, thank you.

Would you care for an appetizer?

An appetizer!

Oh, my goodness.

It is antipasto,
Dad. Your favorite.

Mm!

My... Mm!

What's blown up or on fire?

- Nothing.
- No, don't give me "nothing."

There's something wrong in here.

Now what have you blown
up, what has burned up,

or what have you flushed
down the toilet by mistake?

Dad, we were kind of hoping
to save that till after dinner.

No, no, I want to
hear about it now.

Okay.

See, Rudy was given this assignment
where she had to find pictures

of reptiles, mammals and birds.

[Cliff] Mm-hmm. [clears throat]

She drew some pictures, but I
told her they weren't good enough,

and I suggested she find
some nice photographs.

So I cut up your books.

What books?

Page 98.

And... And?

This one, too.

Pages 105 to 128.

Okay.

Dad, I didn't tell her
to cut up your books.

You told me to cut out pictures.

Not out of books!
Please, please.

You guys, please.
Dad is trying to talk.

What I want to say
is that these books...

Cost a lot of money.

Vanessa didn't tell me that.

Rudy, you owe it
to Dad to be quiet.

Thank you.

Now what I was going to say...

You were going to yell at Rudy.

No, he wasn't. Yes, he was.

You guys! You guys!

We have to keep quiet
so Dad can remember

what he wants to say.

Dad, what do you want to say?

- Is this dinner any good?
- Yes.

What are we having?

Chicken.

This the same chicken
that was in this book?

No.

Why don't we have dinner.

[sighs]

Did you finish that report? Yes.

May I see it, please? Sure.

It's a very good report.

Very expensive.

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