The Canterville Ghost (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Spring - full transcript

We're in riding country.
Maybe you should get a horse.

Because that will make
everything better.

Remind me this was
a good decision.

Buying an English stately home,
sight unseen, dragging our kids

to the other side of the
world under heavy protest...

Yeah. That was the
right decision.

Eyes up. This is the village.

All righty? Let's 9°-

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No signal!
Dad! The signal's down!

I was in the middle of
a conversation there.

There isn't even a 3G
backup. What is this place?



Actually, we're in
a signal black spot.

There's no cell or Wi-Fi connection
anywhere within the estate boundary.

Oh, funny. He's not
joking, sweetie.

Think of it as a technological
Bermuda Triangle. Mom! Mom!

RASPY BREATHING

Oh, look at this place.

All rig hty. Let's run.

Mom, tell him. I'm fully supportive
of your father's decision.

This family needs time out.
Ancl no YouTube tutorials.

It was only a micro rocket.
And it was an accident.

You burned down the school
gymnasium, Theodore.

I knew this would
all be our fault. No.

But now that you mention
it, Franklin, setting fire

to the only school in the state
you hadn't been expelled from



may have been a
contributing factor.

As for Virginia, if her
life is now meaningless

it might as well be meaningless
here as anywhere. Hiram.

May as well start by
telling it as it is, Lucy.

Oh, I hope you brought a map.

Hello!

SHRIEKING

Where are you
going? To my room.

Honey, there are 150 rooms in the
house. Then I guess I'll find one.

Well, could we at least
get a grid reference?

It's been a long day and
everyone is jet-lagged.

We'll have a family council
tomorrow. Like the family council

you had without us before
deciding to come here?

Seriously, could
this get any worse?

Do you think we need to
get pest control in? Mm-hm.

Let's get the bags.

Ah. There you are.

So.

Cesspit.

Hmm. The gargoyle
missed its cue.

The rain was a nice touch.

Merely a prelude
by way of welcome.

From henceforth we will no
longer play to an empty house.

You-you-you-you-you
terrify the mice.

Pea-brained vermin.

Unworthy of mine effort.

And as for spiders,
let me not start.

A species singularly devoid
of an attention span.

So, what of the incomers?

Their speech is strangled.

I think they're from
the Americas. Colonials?

Ha! Hardly a history to
a ghost of any stature.

We shall tailor mine
performance to the audience,

study them, discover
their darkest fears

that haunt their dreams so that I
shall become their living nightmare.

HE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER ECHOES DOWN PIPES

Lucy, remind me in the morning
to get the plumbing checked.

See this, Lucy?

So Simeon Otis was born just
on the other side of that wood.

It's barely changed
in centuries.

Even the gypsy wagons
are still there.

His parents,
brothers and sisters

are all probably buried
somewhere near here.

Sweetie, I just know
you're going to find them.

We said peace and quiet.

You don't get quieter than this.

Hiram...

where are the birds?

The completion documents for the
sale of the Chase, Lady Deborah.

Thank you, Mrs Watkins.

I suppose it will just
about cover the mortgage.

It was the only
offer in 25 years.

Now, for neighbours we have
yanks with more money than sense.

Hiram Otis would be hard pushed
to have more sense than money.

He's currently ranked eighth
in the Forbes rich list.

How very vulgar.

I assume the occupancy
clause is watertight.

You know how litigious these
Americans are. Oh, yes.

The Lord was quite punctilious

and insisted on him being included
twice, once under the sitting tenant

clause and also under
fixtures and fittings.

I don't expect
them to last long.

But we shall see for ourselves.

"Lady Deborah de Canterville
at home, dinner 7:30." Mmm.

I'm guessing an "at home"
is English for a potluck?

At least the natives
are friendly.

I hereby declare this family
council in... session.

Now, we know you weren't
sure about coming here.

We were sure. We didn't want to.
Yes, but it isn't just about you.

Your father's an inventor, and
boardroom life was destroying him.

Maybe if I'd spent less time in a
boardroom and more with my family...

Maybe if I'd spent less
time at work as well.

We just wanted to
be a normal family,

not get dragged to a Wi-Fi black spot
in the middle of nowhere. Exactly.

So instead of us being glued
to devices, we can spend time

actually communicating
with one another.

So let's call this clay one of a
new chapter for the Otis family.

Why do you say?
I have to unpack.

What are WE going to do? What boys
used to do before the internet.

There's 5,000 acres
of England out there.

Explore the woods, make
a den, climb trees.

Under no circumstances are
you climbing any trees.

Under no circumstances are
you climbing any trees.

Need any help? Thanks,
I'm pretty much finished.

Um... aren't you
going to unpack that?

I don't recall packing it.

You still could have a great
legal career ahead of you.

Don't let one mistake
destroy your life.

A mistake that destroyed a life.

Kayla's life was
destroyed by the system.

And you know, you could have summer
interned at some fancy law firm,

but instead you wanted to
help people who needed it most

in an overstretched system.

And when resources are
stretched, mistakes happen.

Moving on from those mistakes
is all part of growing up.

Failure is only the opportunity
to begin again more intelligently.

I know, Mom. I was going
to say if it was a horse,

you'd have got straight
back in the saddle.

I know you and Dad are
disappointed with me.

We're not disappointed in you. We
love you. We want you to be happy.

I know you want to help, but you
can't therapize this one away.

Don't forget the
Cantervilles' potluck.

Find something nice to wear.

This way.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Hi! Oh, you must be Mrs Umney.

Yes, madam. Please call me
Lucy and I can call you...?

Mrs Umney, madam.
Oh, good to meet you.

We feel very fortunate you came
with the house. There's been Umneys

at the Chase as long as
there's been Cantervilles.

Well, perhaps you'd like to give us
the guided tour. But before that,

would you like a cup of tea?

This is my kitchen.

OK.

ANIMAL WHIMPERS

VOICES OVERLAP OUTSIDE

Get off him! Give him back!

Don't hurt him. Or
what? You'll regret it.

We'll regret it, will we?
What are you going to do?

Two against four.

Make that four against four.

I'm Theo and this
is my brother Frank.

Oh, gee, it's the Olsen
twins. Give him back.

No!

I'm a brown belt in Aikido.

Leg it! Leg it, boys.

Thanks. I'm Patience.
This is my sister Charity.

What's aikido? Aikido? A form of
defensive Japanese martial art.

Why do you call the stuff
with a stick? Fighting.

We need to go home.

"When a golden girl can win
prayer from the lips of sin,

"two houses shall reunite
and the barren almond bear,

"then shall the house be still
and peace come to Canterville."

And in here is
the Tapestry Room.

Built during the age
of Queen Elizabeth I.

Hi, sweetie. Could you tell
me what this means, Mrs Umney?

It's beautiful.

We call it the Canterville Poem.

It's been there for centuries.

But no-one knows
what it refers to.

Shall we?

You're certainly
well-informed. Oh.

There's been Umneys at the Chase as
long as there's been Cantervilles.

Wouldn't that be longer, as
the Cantervilles have left?

Not all.

Oh, you mean it's haunted?

Well, that'll cheer
up the boys. Mm-hm.

Oh, Mrs Umney, do you
know what this is?

The cleaners
couldn't get it out.

And a rug would wreak havoc with
the feng shui. It won't come out.

Oh. Well, stain removal's
Hiram's speciality.

He's the inventor of
the, um, the Otis Max.

It's a vacuum cleaner. I'd be
happy to provide you with one.

I'm very happy with my
Constellation, thank you very much.

Though she won't remove that.

Blood has been
spilt on this spot.

Oxidised haemoglobin is
the devil, all right.

The devil has put it there.

In 1575, when Sir Simon de
Canterville slayed his wife.

I'm a man of science, Mrs Umney. I
don't believe in psychic phenomena.

Ah. Why are we eating in here?

Well, it turns out Mrs Umney
has ancient territorial rights

over the kitchen.

"There be Umneys here as long
as there be Cantervilles."

After 800 years, let's
hope they know how to cook.

Newsflash, this house comes
with a resident ghost.

Yeah, right. What is it?

He is Sir Simon de Canterville

who murdered his wife in
the Great Hall in 1575.

Do you think we'll see him?

Well, there's an argument to support
the theory to supernatural sightings

that are a result of
electromagnetic fields.

What if they are real? The body of
evidence and the number of people

who've seen them suggest an above
average level of coincidence.

More likely, they're conjured by
the brain as a subconscious method

of coping with grief. Can
you pass the potatoes?

I'm afraid you guys aren't going to
be able to convince us on this one.

You know, I was thinking, Hiram,
we should call in on our neighbours

of the gypsy camp tomorrow
and introduce ourselves.

Dumb Daniel, the suicide skeleton,
always an applause winner,

or Marty the Maniac,
the masked mystery.

Ah, Cesspit. What
does thou think?

Would Gaunt Gideon, the
bloodsucker of Bexley Moor,

bringeth down the house?

I wouldn't wager on it. Oh.

They don't believe in ghosts.

Surely they are afraid
of my reputation.

They are...

They believe you to be
an electromagnetic field.

What?! They would liken
me to mud and grass?

This affront will
not go unpunished.

Tell me, Cesspit, what
nightmare haunts their dreams?

Harm befalling their offspring.
They treat them like maidens.

Forbidden swordplay,
wrestling and riding.

Then the mollycoddles
will be first.

And the role decided.

Reckless Rupert.

Mm-hm. Always goeth down well
with the children in the audience.

Oh, it's been a long
time, my friend.

What say thee to a reprisal
of the headless earl?

HE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER ECHOES
FAINTLY THEN STOPS

Patience.

Hiram and Lucy Otis. Hey.

We just moved into the Chase.

Mango Love“.

The boys from the woods. Oh,
what did they do? I'm so sorry.

They came in handy
in a fight is all.

You've been camping here
long? Around 500 years.

Oh, I thought
gypsies moved around.

We don't.

We're waiting. What for?
We'll know when it comes.

Well, it looks like you've
had some trouble. Aye.

Flooding from the lake.
Well, rather than bailing,

you might want to use the top
meadow as it's sitting empty.

That's Canterville soil.

Gypsies have been banned there in
perpetuity. Oh, it's Otis soil now.

Ancl while we may
have been tardy,

Americans outlawed
segregation in 1964.

You don't know
what you're saying.

Well, I guess I'm saying
this down here is a quagmire.

While up there, ten acres of
prime grazing, better drainage,

better shelter and
access to fresh water.

I can run a pipe and connect you
guys to the mains. We're good.

I'm Theo and Frank's mom,
Lucy. Is your mom here?

Maybe I could introduce
myself to her.

Gone. The clay they were born.

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Maybe sometime you guys could
come over for a play date.

It was good to meet you. And if you
change your mind about the field...

You know where we are.

Was the play date too
much? Oh, maybe a little.

What's a play date?

Get back to work.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Dad. Hey!

So what do you think, guys?

Could this be the birthplace of
the next great Otis invention?

Sure. Can we borrow some stuff?

Uh... yeah. Are you going
to tell me what it was for?

We just want to prove
the existence of ghosts.

Right. Well, help yourselves.
Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Dad.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, my goodness, look at this.

Oh... I'm guessing an "at home"
isn't the same as a potluck.

Well clone. Complete and
utter social humiliation.

My, my, Miss American Pie.

The Otises, I presume.

I'm Deborah de Canterville.

Someone didn't get the
memo about the dress code.

Oh, thank you for the
invitation, Lady Deborah.

This is a cherry pie. It's
homemade from a family recipe.

How delightfully... American.

I'm sure Cook will be thrilled.

Oh, wow, it's a butler.

Is she rich?

Loaded, apparently. Nice one.

Featherstonhaugh... We
pronounce it Fanshawe.

Oh, it's a lovely place.
How long have you been here?

Oh, about 1,000 years.

I inherited it from my
father, the eighth Earl.

And your son, Lord Canterville,
lives here as well?

With my grandson, Cecil.

It's no secret that the Chase
was mortgaged to the hilt

after my late husband gambled
the entire Canterville fortune

on a 200-1 outsider
at New market.

Goodness. Quite the opposite.

When his horse lost, he
suffered a fatal heart attack.

A blessing, really,

as it saved him from living the rest
of his life with the dish on our.

Mummy. Oh, this
must be your son.

I'm afraid so.

This is Mr and Mrs
Hee-ram Otis and daughter.

Nice to meet you. Actually, we
pronounce it High-ram. High.

How do you do? Hi.

At least someone has some
sense. Hottest spring in years

and the men melting in penguin
suits. Don't mind if I join you.

Heaven's sakes.

Put it on before everyone
else follows suit.

Ralph Stilton. This
is my sister, Moppy.

And the ugly mug
is Cecil Cantwell.

Hello. Again.

I didn't realise you two
were acquainted. We're not.

I saw him riding.

Nice horse. Thanks.

Magnus Opus. He's a
bit of a show off.

That makes two of you, then.

He's just jealous because Cecil's
winner of the Canterville Chase

for the last five
years. Do you ride?

There's a ladies huddle,
if you're up for it.

I'd rather enter the steeplechase.
Isn't open t lady jockeys.

Are they scared of
being beaten by a girl?

For their own protection
as much as anything.

The fences are murderous.

How delightfully... English.

BELL TINKLES Oh,
Nosh. Finally.

I could chew the
hind leg of a deer.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

So what made you choose our
neck of the English woods?

I have a family connection.
My ancestor, Simeon Otis,

was born here before
sailing for the New World.

Hiram is a member of the
Mayflower Society. The whatty?

The descendants of the Puritans.

We persecuted them in
the 17th century. Ah.

It's always been an ambition
to trace my family tree.

But he's not in any records
I could find in the States

so we decided to come here
and track him down in person.

Is he the vacuum salesman?
Guilty as charged, sir,

but I'm taking a break
from the boardroom.

He's working on a new
invention. Well...

Ah, my wife Lucy is
a psychotherapist.

I'm surprised, given the
size of your fortune,

you feel the need to send
your wife out to work.

Well, in America we define
ourselves not by who we are,

but by what we do.

What do you do, Mr, uh...?

Bluey is the Duke
of Stilton. He's...?

Is that another funny
English pronunciation?

Cheese. Blue cheese.

Doesn't matter. I suppose you have
a private jet and a super yacht

and all that malarkey.

Not unless a rather ancient
fishing sloop counts.

LAUGHTER

Shame

Water? Yes.

HE SLURPS

Oh, dear.

He's here.

Fear thee, my pretties.

HE LAUGHS

BOTH: Now!

Over here, Sir
Simon. Say cheese.

Goal!

Did you get it?
We got something.

So did you have any more thoughts on
the ladies race? You should enter.

Give my sister some competition.

Like I said, I'd rather
enter the steeplechase.

Not for the ladies. Bluey
should know - he's head steward.

Oh, don't look at me.

The laws were written when
they rode side-saddle.

There was I thinking the British
emancipated women in 1918.

They aren't laws, merely a
body of rules. To be laws,

they would have to be decreed
by the British Parliament.

I cite by way of example
the 1975 sex discrimination

and the 2006 and
2010 equality acts.

Gini studied at Harvard
Law. Clever girl.

Are you planning on pursuing
your career over here?

She's taking a break from her
law studies while she considers

“QT next CGTQET move.

In our day, women didn't have
time for jobs. Did they, Debo?

Such a dinosaur, Daddy.
Everyone works these clays.

And what do you do?

I'm a social influencer and
global charity ambassador.

Oh, what charity? Mafricure.
Manicures for Africa.

Oh. We collect unwanted nail
varnish, like literally thousands

a year from party bags
and freebies, etc.

Then we ship them to
women in remote villages.

Because nail care isn't
just about grooming.

It's about self expression.

Ancl even if you lack water,
electricity and stuff,

it doesn't mean you can't present
a confident self to the world.

Load of tripe.

I would say I went down well.

It was quite a performance,

be it there was some
deviation from the script.

Granted, it did require some
improvisation, but I could not know

that they were so a feared that
they would sleep protected.

But thou sawest their faces,
heardst their screams of terror.

They were certainly cacophonous.

I brought down the house.

What are you doing?

Preparing for an encore.

Perchance tis about time
the spinster and I met.

EXCITED CHATTER
We've got photos!

What are you guys doing up?
Discovery! I'm going to bed.

Night, honey.

Look, look, look. It looks
like a sort of yellow fog.

There will be trouble if
you've been making smoke bombs.

Daddy, tomorrow,

please can we go to the gypsy
camp and get me a horse? Sure.

Start from the beginning. just one
of you talk. Theodore, you first.

He entered in as some kind of fog who formed into a
guy and he took his head off and dropped the head.

And then Frank kicked it. Back
in the net. And then he sort of

just spirited back into fog and
went out the chimney. Hmm...

Well, there's a surprise.
They don't believe us.

No, that's not completely true.

But the subconscious is a
very powerful thing, honey.

Ancl we're living in this big
old house with tales of a ghost.

Sounds like a heck of a tale. So
why don't we talk about it tomorrow?

Don't bother. Oh, I told you
they wouldn't believe us.

Are you so sure we did
the right thing? Hmm.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Ethelinda.

Morning, Mrs Umney. Morning.

We saw the ghost last night.

But our parents don't
believe in ghosts.

They will. Can you tell
us about Sir Simon?

Was he beheaded?

His bones have never been found.

Legend says that after
he killed his wife,

he stole the family jewels
and attempted to flee,

but he was captured and walled
up alive in a secret priest hole,

along with the
treasure... BOTH: Whoa.

Cursed to lament his wife by day

and haunt the house at night.

So, wait... What's
a priest hole?

The Cantervilles were Catholic
during the Reformation.

It was punishable by death.

So houses such as this were fitted
with secret rooms and escape routes,

in the event of being raided.

Mrs Umney, are you saying that the
Canterville treasure is still here,

lying undiscovered in
a hidden priest hole?

SHE LAUGHS

You think every square
inch hasn't been searched

by every generation
of Cantervilles?

But found it will never be.

We'll see about that.

They're not for sale.

Got them for the
Wetherby Auctions.

It sounds like
they are for sale,

and for the right price
you could save yourself

a set of feed and
transportation costs.

Is your eye on one? The grey.

He's not broken in.

Won't have anyone
but me on his back.

SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE

HORSE HUFFS

She's quite the horse whisperer.

Let the horse decide.

What's his name?

Pilgrim's Prophecy.

What do you call him?

Jim_

Hey, jim.

HORSE NEIGHS

Whoa, boy. Whoa.

HORSE NEIGHS

Come on, Jim. Come on.

He won't clear that.

Come on, jim.

Whoa. Whoa, boy!

Ah!

Oh, no. Please, no.

Ginny?

No, no, no. Ginny.

No, no, no, no. Call911.

SHE COUGHS

Oh! Thank you, thank you,
thank you. Don't move.

Does it hurt? Where does it hurt? I'm
fine, Dad. Are you all right? I'm fine.

Hey, honey, maybe you
can choose another one.

There's no need. Said yes.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

SHE SCREAMS

CROCKERY CRASH ES

Hiram's testing a
new stain remover.

Remarkable, isn't it?

What have you done?

Oh, if you're talking
about the ghost,

eh, I'm sure I'll get over it.

Why don't I fetch a broom?

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Ruddy Yanks!

Little minx has only sent
in an entry for the Chase,

AND threatened legal
action if we refuse!

What's she riding? Some brute
of a beast, according to Ralph.

Knocking on 17 hands and
holds his own over fences.

He'll give Magnus a
run for his money.

Cec, is it too much to ask
that you show some concern?

A horse is only as
good as its rider.

It's not about winning.

It's about parvenu Americans
thinking they can come over here

and overturn centuries
of tradition.

You'll put a stop to it.

Ha! Ran it past the legals,
and there's nothing we can do.

Good grief, Bluey. Your father
flew in the Battle of Britain.

Your ancestor drew up the
battle plans for Waterloo.

I doubt either of them said,
"There's nothing we can do."

You just have to
be more inventive.

Canterville Chase is
19,350 square feet.

How long will that take us?

Well, based on 25
square feet a day,

and factoring it to
search to success ratio,

anywhere between an
hour to 800 days.

What are you doing?

Can't you read the sign? What?

"Biohazardous waste."

That you?

They're looking
for the treasure.

By the way, your search area is
less than 10,000 square feet.

It's confined to the Reformation
part of the building.

In the great wing
and the North Tower.

How do you know? The
gypsies built it.

Our ancestor, Peter
Lovell, was master builder.

What do rich boys
want with treasure?

So we can get out of
this place and go home.

Wait, don't go!

The Chase was built by gypsies.

If anyone knows about the priest
hole... Even if someone did,

why would they tell you?

How about we cut you in? 10%.

50.30, final offer.

Take it or leave it.

Fine. OK, then. 50/50.

CROWD CHATTERS

16lb over.

I'm carrying 15lb.

That makes me Mb under.

You've been awarded
a 20lb penalty. What?

If you have a problem, take
it up with the stewards.

Watch out. This should be good.

Horses registered with
professionally licensed trainers

carry a 20lb penalty.

He isn't. I trained him.

Django Lovell is licensed with
the Racing Regulatory Board,

who are yet to receive documents
for change of ownership.

Until such time, the horse
accrues the stated penalty.

It's all here in black and white, if
you'd like to read the small print.

Section 5, para 7, subsection 3.

Thank you. I will.

Bye-bye, Miss American Pie.

Madam, sir.

10 to 1, Honest Man.

It's just a race.

I hate them. I hate this place.

But the main thing
is, you tried, honey,

and we couldn't be
more proud of you.

And we know you could
have won it bareback, hmm?

Thanks, Dad.

We filed the paperwork.
His Nibs' cousin

is head of the Point-To-Point
Committee. Hmm. Figures.

Now, I'm as good as my word,

but there's no harm
putting it in writing.

What's this?

If the Cantervilles can
ban you in perpetuity,

I can grant you tenancy of ten
acres under the same terms.

It's all there,
signed and notarised.

I told you. Darn right you did.

All this does is entitle
you to change your mind.

My grandmother says you can
come for tea on Wednesday.

OK, we'll be there.

Want to check out
the horses? Yeah.

Find us a good spot.

Six runners and riders.

2 to 1 on favourite,
Magnus Opus,

the one to beat today.

Fleeting Interest and
Mucky Duck at 5 to 1.

Honest Man and Archibald
House, 12 to 1.

Village Drama, the
outside chance at 50 to 1.

And, er... Oh, it looks like
we have a seventh runner.

Number nine, Pilgrim's Prophecy,

who was withdrawn on a penalty

but looks to have
re-entered the race,

without a saddle.

Thank you.

Weight restrictions
are inclusive of tack,

although there's no rule
prohibiting riding bareback.

If you'd like to
read the small print,

section 8, para
12, subsection 6.

Stupid girl.

Looks like she shed
the extra weight.

Give him a view of the fences.

Crikey. Hope the meat
wagon's standing by.

Listen. Well clone, you,
for making your point.

It's not worth breaking
your neck over, though.

Your concern is duly noted.

Hiram! Hiram!

Stop her! And the starter's
flag is up. Right.

And they're off...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

on the 210th Canterville Chase.

Runners heading for the first
of 15 fences over 16 furlongs,

and Magnus Opus and Mucky Duck
are among the first to show.

Village drama slowly away.

And as they settle down, it's
Magnus Opus from Mucky Duck.

Need a better view?

Oh! Where are you going?
To get a better view.

What, a better view of our
daughter trying to kill herself?

She's not fallen yet.

ANNOUNCER: Trailing the
field is Pilgrim's Prophecy,

looking a long way
off the early pace

as they approach the first.

And, as they head down the hill,

it's Magnus Opus who just
shows clear of Honest Man.

Mucky Duck a close third.

Nothing between these three
as they hit the second.

ALL: Oh!

Ooh!

Ancl Village Drama is down and has
taken one... No, two down with him.

And there's havoc,

as Pilgrim's Prophecy comes up
from behind and clears it well.

Wonderful Amazon, your girl.

Only four horses left...

She's still on.

Magnus Opus holding the lead.

Honest Man and Mucky Duck

and next behind is
Pilgrim's Prophecy

making steady
progress at the back.

Oh, and it looks as if Honest
Man has run out of steam

and out of the race

as the remaining
three reach the ridge.

Move! Get away!

Arghg

HORSE WHINNIES

Urghg

They come down the hill as
they make for the final fence!

There she blows!

You can look now,
she's doing great!

Pilgrim's Prophecy is
making up the distance.

Half a length behind.

Ancl it'd neck and neck now!

Come on, Cecil! Come
on, you can do it!

Magnus Opus first.

Pilgrim's Prophecy and...

by a nose...

in first place on the
board Magnus Opus,

ridden and trained by the
Honourable Cecil Canterville.

In second place, number
nine, Pilgrim's Prophecy,

trained and ridden by
Miss Virginia Otis.

Congratulations. Well ridden.

Thanks. You know, you would
have beaten me with a saddle.

I'll guess I'll see
you next year, then.

I look forward to it.

And the trophy today awarded
by Lady Deborah Cantewfle

to grandson Cecil for
the sixth year in a row.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Cecil. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Bravo!

Sorry about back there.

It's Mucky, he can
get a bit bolshie.

It wasn't... It
wasn't deliberate.

I hope he's OK.

So, do you play tennis?

Yeah.

Great. Mixed doubles.
Monday, 3:00. Sure.

Ancl the runner-up prize
goes to Miss Virginia Otis.

APPLAUSE

BOTH: USA! USA!

Looks like the Canterville
Chase is now open to lady riders

without saddles.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Picture of the winner and
the runner-up, please?

You don't mind if I borrow
my fiancee for a photo? Sure.

GHOSTLY BREATH

Close the door,
hon. It's freezing.

ICE CRACKLES

I've heard about the
British stiff upper lip,

but all it's giving me
is a stiff upper back.

Ow! Ow, that hurts!

But in a good way.

Oh!

Lucy...

Don't move, Hiram.

GHOST GROWLS

OK, buddy.

Lucy-

My name is Lucy.

We mean you no harm.

GHOST GROWLS Friend.

Do you think he
even understands?

I don't know. Poor guy,
he doesn't look too good.

How dare you?!

Could you keep the noise down?
Some of us are trying to..

Good evening.

You must be Sir Simon.

It's nice to meet you.

I guess we owe the
boys an apology.

Never in an uninterrupted and
brilliant career of 500 years

have I ever been so
GROSSLY INSULTED!

And the wretched
modern Americans

offer me condolences
and friendship.

No ghost in history has ever
been treated in this manner.

RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES PLAYS

THUNDER CRACKS

Now they appear to have
offended the ghost.

We welcomed these
people with open arms.

This is how they repay us.

You can hardly call them "open".

Top photo of Cecil and Virginia.

We should get a copy.

Bright side,

at least she didn't win.

They are under the impression

that they lost the
battle but won the war.

Trust me,

this war hasn't even started.

STORM RAGES

The lake burst its banks, but
it looks like the levels moved

up to the north meadow
in the nick of time.

It was quite a storm, huh?

I didn't sleep a wink.

I couldn't stop thinking
about Sir Simon.

Poor guy looks so
distressed, Hiram.

Hmm.

Do you think we should send a gift
to apologise for frightening him?

Nice idea, honey.

You know, I think we
were in the eye of it.

The damage isn't
as bad as I feared.

♪ Shelter in the time of storm

♪ Secure whatever ill betide

♪ Shelter in the time of storm

♪ Oh, Jesus is a
rock in a weary land

♪ A weary land

♪ Oh, Jesus is a
rock in a weary land

♪ Shelter in a time of storm.

♪ No fears alarm,
no foes afright

♪ A shelter in the
time of storm. ♪

Lady Deborah.

Delightful sermon this
morning, Reverend.

Although the end dragged.

Please do try to remember
the ten-minute rule.

Oh, dear.

I don't suppose the insurance...

Ghost damage comes
under exclusion clauses.

Curse his bones.

He's obviously not best pleased
with his new incumbents.

Sooner they leave the better.

I couldn't agree more, Elvis.

What on earth can they have
done to offend him, I wonder?

Morning.

Morning, Reverend.

So, how are you finding
England's green and pleasant?

A bit of a culture shock.

I don't expect
you'll stick around.

Don't you have law
studies to resume?

Actually, I've decided
I'm not cut out for law.

So what are you going
to do with your life?

You sound like my mom.

You know what mothers
are like? Hardly!

His bolted with a bridge
player for Monte Carlo

and ours upped sticks to
become a Buddhist nun.

The last known location was
some temple near Wat Chiang man,

wherever the blazes that is.

BOTH: Northern Thailand.

Is she coming to the wedding?

HE LAUGHS

I sincerely hope not.

I hesitate to use the words
'wedding of the year',

but the Prince of Wales
is the guest of hon our.

The last thing I want is
a bald mother-of-the-bride

in an orange sari ruining photos

because literally everyone
who is anyone will be there.

We hope you can come.

Although it will have to
be reception party only

as the chapel only seats 300.

Don't be a numpty! She
can be my plus one.

I wouldn't want to
ruin the seating plan.

The Duke of Stilton,
Your Ladysh...

Ruddy man! This is alll need.

What on earth's
the matter, Huey'?

You look like a heart
attack in waiting.

Dicky Wales has invited
himself to stay on his way

to Scotland next month.

Bad luck. He'll drink
my best vintages.

Ancl how I'll entertain him
when the shooting season

hasn't even started.

He is rather high maintenance.
Can't you find an excuse?

Hardly.

As my high maintenance
daughter would kill me,

seeing as he star
guests at her wedding.

Rafe seems smitten
with the Otis girl.

He's not the only one smitten.

Have you seen the way
she makes eyes at Cecil?

If we're not careful, none of
them will make a suitable match.

I say, Bluey...

What do you say we kill
two birds with one stone?

CRENQNG

RAT SQUEAKS

Hmm.

Ooh!

I didst underestimate them.

So impressed were
they by my performance

they didst leave me a tribute.

They seem strange tributes.

"Dear Sir Simon, it was
a pleasure to meet you,

"and apologies if we
alarmed you at all."

"Please accept these
natural remedies."

"Which we hope you will find
helpful for your soothing

"rest and relaxation.

"Sincerely, the Otis Family.

UPS“

What does PS mean?

"Given the importance of sleep
to adolescent brain development

"We'd very much appreciate it
if you could limit haunting

to before 11pm."

Urghg

WHALE SONG PLAYS

Hiram?

HIRAM SNORES

Do you think that means he
appreciates my gift basket?

At the black moon,

when Chanticleer doth
sound twice his merry horn

deeds of blood will be wrought

and murder walk abroad
with silent feet.

I'm not sure if "appreciate"
is the word I'd use.

Death threats from a dead man.

Way to go.

Did you see how he turned brown?

The bath bombs exploded.
They stuck to him.

So? Our ghost isn't an
apparition. He's made of atoms.

Solid matter.

That's an impressive deduction.

Although his molecular make-up
must be considerably lighter

than ours in order
for him to disperse.

You mean he can't
just disappear?

Mrs Umney, do you know
who Chanticleer is?

A cursed cockerel.

Legend says that if he crows
twice during the midnight hour,

a member of the
household will die.

I take it this theory
is tried and tested?

The last time was in 1850,

when Lord Mgby Cantewfle
was struck down, aged 29.

How did he die?

Said he was frightened
to death by the ghost.

Well, then, I don't think we
have anything to worry about.

BELL RINGS

I suppose they'll redecorate.

Paint everything the
colour of wet cement

and call it New York
chic or some such thing.

I've never been.

Visited the Hamptons
a few times.

It's a bit like Cornwall,
but without poor people.

Oh, good morning!

I was just saying how much
I was looking forward to see

what you're going to
do with the decor.

Well, I'll ask Mrs Umney
to fetch us some tea.

Oh, there's no need. I'll
get straight to the point.

Now the Chase is reoccupied.

Bluey thought it might be a good
idea to revive a local tradition.

“Mm!

Didn't you Bluey?

The Stilton Canterville
cricket match,

established in 1680 by way of
lowering the local murder rate.

We fought on opposite
sides in the Civil War.

A lot of old scores, dead
bodies piling up everywhere.

Oh...

So the families decided
to vent their aggression

on the playing field,
captaining their tenants

in an annual cricket match.

Then over the years, it became the
highlight of the social calendar

until the family moved out.

What does this involve?

Oh, nothing onerous.

Captain a team from the village
and lay on match refreshments.

Basically, a fun clay out for
the locals and their families.

Oh, we'll do it! Oh, splendid!

It will be huge fun.

Morning. Morning.

Well, thank you for coming.

'Bye.

We've been wanting to get
to know the locals better.

Hiram, is now a good
time to point out

you know absolutely
nothing about cricket?

It can't be that
different from baseball.

Ancl the boys can join in.

I guess I just can't help feeling
that woman is up to something.

You want to find the lost
treasure of the Cantervilles?

So what makes you
think you'll succeed

when so many others
before you have failed?

Maybe they didn't ask the right
questions to the right people.

Ask your questions.

Well, the gypsies built
Canterville Chase,

so they must have
built the priest hole.

They never finished building it.

They had a falling
out with Lorcl Henry

and were banished
from Canterville soil.

Why doesn't the ghost leave?

Spirits can't roam.

They need to be within
reach of their earthly bones

to recharge their energy.

Oh, like a vampire's coffin.

Like a battery.

He died unshriven,

denied divine mercy.

Ancl so cursed to limbo,

was trapped inside the
walls of his own house.

Just one more thing, ma'am.

Do you know what
a black moon is?

Rare nights when the
sky is completely black

and spirits are at
the most powerful.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Canterville Chase.

One moment.

Buckingham Palace, madam.

Lucretia Otis.

Commander Tommy Tiverton.

Personal Private Secretary to His
Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales.

Oh, I'm afraid you must
have the wrong number.

Mrs Hiram Otis?
Yes. Excellent.

Ancl may I start by extending His
Royal Highness' thanks for hosting,

so if we can talk
lists of requirements

and security arrangements,

and there'll probably be
a small press presence,

but we'll deal with that.

The Prince Richard?

Yes, Hiram, the heir
to the British throne.

Buckingham Palace are keen
to firm up the details

of the itinerary, given that
he is president of the MCC

and looking forward
to a stonking match.

I guess it will be one to
tell the grandchildren.

How the English gave the
Americans a public whooping?

You know, I knew that
woman was up to something.

This isn't a friendly
for the locals.

This is the social event of the
year and we're the entertainment.

Please tell me we have a team.

Hi there.

Morning.

Morning.

Hiram Otis.

I've recently moved...
I know who you are.

Wonderful store.

Least you get Wi-Fi
in the village.

We don't any more.

The mast blew down
the other night.

Oh, it was quite a storm, huh?

Hasn't met a storm
like that in 25 years.

Hmm.

I don't know if you've heard,
but we're reviving the...

Oh, looks like you've heard.

In that case, I'm some players
short of a cricket team.

Is there some place I
can put a sign up sheet?

Try the church notice board.

Church notice...

Thank you for your help.

SHEEP BLEATING

OK. What do we know?

One, the ghost must return
to his bones to recharge.

And two, he's appearing at the
next black moon. Next Friday.

Exactly.

So why don't we follow him
back to his priest hole?

How can we follow someone
who can vanish through walls?

Because he can't go through solid
objects. He's made of atoms.

He skips through
cracks in the house.

So?

So... we can track
and trace him.

Fast release.

Lovely day.

Oh, it's nice to
see a friendly face.

I'm not exactly top of
the polls round here.

It's the storm.

They took quite a battering.

Well, you can hardly blame an
American for the British climate.

Actually, they blame the ghost.

They only blame
you by association.

Now, that's funny you
mentioned a ghost.

There's nothing funny
about Sir Simon.

He's a particularly
malevolent spirit.

Been causing localised
storms for centuries.

Gathered you'd
reinstated the match.

I don't suppose any Cantervilles
are able to volunteer.

Cecil's playing for
the Stilton team,

under pain of death from Moppy.

And I'm booked in for
a knee replacement.

Oh.

But let me know if you need
any help on the coaching side.

I may hold you to that.

So how about we transfer
our baseball skills

to the cricket pitch?

Frank used to be champion
Little League pitcher

before the... incident.

Ancl Theo... Has octopus
hands and two left feet.

We'd never win.

It's not about winning,
it's about playing the game.

What's in it for us?

Honour and glory, Theodore.

What about Ginny?

I can't even play baseball.

I'll be first aider.

LUCY: Oh, good.

Well, since you got some
time on your hands...

Look, I've got you
these brochures.

Oxford and Cambridge do some
excellent law conversion courses.

Actually, I was thinking I could
help Dad with his genealogy project.

I'd like that very much.

Great. Then I'll
get on it tomorrow.

You'll need to go to Fanshawe.

The Cantervilles took the archives
with them when they moved out.

Straight up, I think we may
have inadvertently offended him.

I'm guilty myself.

40 years ago, on my
arrival as a young curate,

I attempted an
exorcism on Sir Simon.

He found my delivery
so offensive that he...

he... he stuck skeletal
fingers down my throat

and s-strangled my Adam's apple.

Oh. m'!-

Then he whipped up a storm
which brought the belfry down.

Took three years to gain the
trust of the village after that,

and f-f-five years of speech therapy
before I could deliver a sermon.

Hmm.

Well, the reason I'm here...

May I introduce Mr Django
Lovell, roofing specialist.

Reverend.

There's been so much storm
damage over the years,

it's like an over-darned sock.

Economic long term solution
is to replace the entire roof.

You're preaching
to the converted,

but there are only so many
bring-and-buy sales a parish can hold.

Well, it was caused by my sitting
tenant, so that'd be on me.

I'm... I'm overwhelmed.

The timing couldn't be better
as the future supreme governor

of the Church of England is doing
a drive by on his way to the match.

I see you put a sign up
sheet on the notice board.

Let's just say it hasn't
exactly been a stampede.

I'm sure once news of
your largesse gets out...

I'd rather it didn't,
if you don't mind.

As my grandfather always
said, "|t ain't charity

"when you help yourself."

WATER DRIPPING

BELL RINGS

Good afternoon.

Lord Canterville said
you'd be expecting me.

Follow me, Miss.

Hello there.

My dad's researching
his family tree,

and your dad kindly gave him
access to the estate records.

Which is why I'm here,
on behalf of my father,

for purposes of research.

Thanks, Dan by. I've got this.

Follow me.

HEY, GUYS, what's up?

Oh, hey, Dad. Can we
borrow some stuff?

Sure. Help yourselves.

What's that?

That's the Cytronic
Stain Remover.

Ah.

It's a vacuum
cleaner for stains.

That's like home technology
mixed with cybertronics.

Way to go, Theo.

It's quite revolutionary.

At least it will be if
I can get it to work.

Hmm.

DISTANT CHATTERING

HAMMERING

Good morning, Lady D-D-Deborah.

Good morning.

I see you found a benefactor.

An extremely generous,
anonymous benefactor

who's funding the complete
replacement of the roof.

The whole shebang?

Who on earth could
possibly afford to...?

He made me swear to secrecy.

Hiram Otis?

Although good deeds do
have a way of getting out.

But not for me.

Us.

Neither of us want to be guilty
of betraying a confidence.

Trust me, they won't
hear it from me.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Thought you may be
in need of a cuppa.

What is it with the
English and tea?

It isn't just a beverage.

For we English,

no six words can convey
such multitude of meaning as

"Shall I put the kettle on?"

It's a ritual and a metaphor

for welcome,

celebration,

condolence,

and aP0l°9Y-

I could do with some
of its superpowers.

I'm sorry,

but Jeremiah and Sarah Otis had nine
children born between 1568 and 1579,

but none of them named Simeon.

And the only birth recorded
in 1575 was a girl.

Hephzibah Otis, born July, 1575,

four months before
Simeon, which...

It's biologically impossible.

Mm-hm.

Hmm.

Well, you spend your whole
life thinking you're someone

only to find out
perhaps you're not.

What about Simeon's sketchbooks?

Proof he was born and
raised in Canterville.

Yeah. Maybe he's a
relative, a nephew perhaps.

Or a criminal fleeing the
country under a false identity.

Nice, Frank.

There are shelves
of estate records.

There must be mention
of him somewhere.

And if there is, I'll find him.

Thanks, Ginny.

How were the match
entertainments?

Well, not very entertaining.

According to Mrs Umney, it's
just tea and sandwiches.

Although she has offered
her scout a cappella choir

to sing the national anthem.

LUCY CHUCKLES

How's a cricket team
coming together?

WIND GUSTS

Are you all right?

Pardon me for saying,
but you don't look well.

I'm hurried, rude,
vulgar and dishonest.

Family is to blame.

A tad hypocritical when
making death threats

is hardly polite, or
trying to terrorise people.

It is the reason
for my existence.

To lament by clay
and haunt by night.

Then forgive me for asking
the obvious question,

but why don't you just leave?

Because of this.

I don't know what it means.

I am cursed.

I cannot weep for my
sins for I have no tears,

nor plead for my soul
because I have no faith.

Thus, I am to... await the
arrival of a golden child

who shalt plead my case
before the Angel of Death.

Ancl shouldst he show mercy, I
will pass to the garden of rest.

Then the house of life and the
house of death shall reunite

and peace shall
come to Canterville.

And until then?

I am trapped in...
perpetual unrest.

But that's so... so unjust.

LUCY: Ginny, who
are you talking to?

Uh, no-one.

Good morning, Elvis.

Morning.

Goodness, this is exciting.

Quite the mystery.

Although one can't help but
wonder at the coincidence.

Coincidence?

Well, that this act of
munificence should happen

right before Prince
Richard's visit.

Just between us,

I believe he is very well known

for his anonymous
charitable gestures.

Anyway, I expect
we'll never find out.

Morning.

Morning.

BELL TOLLS

COCKEREL CALLS

It's a fine nocturn,

my proud young Struttercombe.

NOW!

0w!

Oh!

LUCY: What in...!

Hiram, they have paintball guns!

You could've taken
someone's eye out.

What on earth were you doing?

GINNY: Tormenting the
ghost. Can't you be nice?

Well, where did the paint go?

It stuck to the ghost.

|t's...|t's like dye packs that
they use in bank robberies.

What kind of paint?

Powder mixed with ultraviolet,

so that we can track him
back to the priest hole.

Atta boy. See, now,
that is very... Hiram.

Hmm? Right. Yeah.

Time to call it a night.

Go to bed.

Are you asleep?

Let's go.

SNORING

We need to go down.

Perdition sees this
pustulous prince of poultry.

I did mention he was unreliable.

I heard talking.

Is this your pet?

Hello.

Aren't you sweet.

Is she a simpleton?

Very possibly.

It is my familiar.

Cesspit.

I canst assure you he
is aught but confection.

400 years I have endured
his prattergabble.

Feels like a thousand.

I thank the not to
interrupt my conversement.

Is he talking to you?

For my sins,

he rarely desists.

A vexatious vermin
bound to me in limbo.

Bound?

As in a legal contract?

Why ist a female speaking
of jurisprudence?

I studied law for
a while. HE SCOFFS

Women are not permitted
to study the law.

Times have moved on.

Women can do
everything men do now.

Ancl their menfolk suffer it?

Has it occurred she
could be the one?

Jabbernole.

I await a golden girl, not a pitch
haired spinster past her prime.

I'm 22.

As I said.

The meaning is open
to interpretation.

Or must we wait till your
bones crumble in the dust?

I suppose aught is preferable
to thy noxious chittering.

Madam...

wouldst thy do thyself the
hon our to be mine advocate?

Convince the Angel of Death
to show you mercy? Mm.

What if I fail?

I am sentenced to
the garden of unrest

whence there is no love
nor reconciliation.

I can't. Hmm.

I already destroyed a life.

I won't risk
destroying your death.

Ah.

What are you doing?

Tracking the ghost.

He went this way.

Oh, can't you leave
the poor man alone?

What's under here?

Gotcha!

We found this in the library.

This can't be right.

I mean, look, here's
the tapestry room,

and there's nothing
underneath. It's solid ground.

If there is a priest hole
underneath, they're hardly likely

to put it on a plan and
stick it in the library.

This isn't the master plan,

but the builders
must have had one.

Peter Lovell's box.

He was master
builder of the Chase.

His original plans
should be in there.

Do you think we could
have a look at them?

DOG WHIMPERS

Any luck with the
elusive Simeon?

None so far.

But I found a mention of his
alleged father, Jeremiah.

Here are the
Canterville records.

"4th of December, 1575,

"Jeremiah Otis fined one
shilling for poaching."

I wouldn't advertise the
fact you're descended

from criminal ancestry
if I were you.

Cecil, your fiancee's here.

Right.

Thanks. I'll...

I should be going, too.

Thank you for having
me, Lady Deborah.

I'll see you out.

Give my regards to your parents.

Everyone is really looking
forward to the cricket tomorrow.

It promises to be
so entertaining.

Is something the matter?

She seems strangely familiar.

Not strange at all. There's a
portrait of her at Canterville.

She was Lady Eleanor Fanshawe
before her marriage to Sir Simon.

The murdered wife.

Died 1576.

Isn't that a year after Sir Simon
was supposed to have murdered her?

So says the legend.

The truth is far more mundane.

Brain dropsy induced
by melancholia,

according to the
records at the time.

Yet another Fanshawe
woman who made the mistake

of marrying a Canterville.

No, not there. There. There.

Mrs Otis, Commander Tiverton.

Good to meet you.
Good to meet you.

Sorry, but what is all this?

Yes. The powers that be felt
it was worthy of coverage

clue to the special
relationship.

Hands across the pond and
all that. PHONE VIBRATES

Excuse me.

Good afternoon, sir.

Well, yes, as fortune
fairs, she's right here.

It's the American ambassador.

Just wants to wish you luck.

Lucrezia Otis.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

We'll do our best
to fly the flag.

We will. Goodbye.

All right.

OK, so it looks
like it's just us.

I might have a gammy knee,
but I should be able to hit

a couple of balls. Oh.

It's only me, I'm afraid.

Tried to garner support, but subtext
is not really their strong point.

Thank you, Reverend.
OK, so we're eight now.

That's 9.09% better than seven.

We're still three players
short. We'll never win.

This isn't about winning.

This isn't even about
playing the game.

It's about losing with as
much dignity as possible.

FAN FARE

How are you, Clarice?

Livid. Who could blame you?

Your hostess, Mrs Lucretia
Otis from Boston, USA.

Oh, is this how you
play cricket over there?

Well, in the spirit of detente,

we decided to add an American
flavour to the festivity.

Oh. Your Royal Highness.

Cecil, Deborah
Canterville's grandson.

Cecil, good to see you.

Are you sure about
the opposition?

Is that it? Appears
to be, Your Highness.

Oh.

SUNG TO TUNE OF GOD SAVE THE
KING: CHOIR: ♪ Long live...

Have they forgotten the words?

♪ With freedom's holy light

♪ To sing with heart and voice

♪ Praise God, our king. ♪

Very good. APPLAUSE

Good luck, chaps.

All right. Let's see
what they're made of.

Oh, how marvellous.

Which one's which?

Go, Canterville!

Come on! Go, Cantervilles!

Pitch it up.

Catch it!

Do you like cricket?

Until a few weeks ago,
I knew nothing about it.

But since then, I've grown
to genuinely detest it.

Oh, snap.

Oh, I had my clay all planned

catching up on this
week's Cash In The Attic.

I should never have let my
husband talk me into this.

I know the feeling.

You've got this!

Catch it!

Heads up. Poor Dad.

Oh, hopeless. They don't
have the numbers to cope.

It's quite fun, really.

Which one's which?

Chin up.

Come on, Cecil!

Cecil, yes.

Cecil's coming on.

Catch it!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What's happening?

Seems young Cecil's decided
to even up the teams, ma'am.

Very sporting.

Top chap you've got there.

Yay Cecil! Yay!

Stupid boy.

Would you like some popcorn?

Why?

It's traditional at American
sporting events. Oh.

I find it helps
with the boredom.

Cecil, get in close. Forward
short leg. Good call. Yeah.

Put him off.

Come on, then.

Here we go, Canterville.

CROWD GAS PS

Oh, I say! Oh, no!

That's going to
hurt it, isn't it?

Can someone do something?

Yo. How are you?

I'm OK. Sure?

Are you all right?

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Good to go.

Oh, he's good to go.

He's good to go.

Dad? You're going nowhere.

You did us proud, but
your match is over.

Captain's orders.

APPLAUSE

What's happening, Tommy?

We're halfway through
the match, ma'am.

The Cantervilles
are batting next.

I don't fancy their chances.

Thank you, Tommy.

I hope you didn't give up
the law to go into medicine.

Honey!

Why did you give it up?

The real reason.

I wanted to make a difference.

Turns out I did.

Only not for the better.

I was interning for a nonprofit,
preparing for a big appellate case.

Can I have that in British?

A charity investigating
miscarriages of justice.

Kayla was an 18-year-old accused
of killing her stepfather.

It was clear self-defence,
but the prosecution pressed

for first-degree murder, and
it wasn't looking good...

until| found an unused
legal precedent.

So, what happened?

I made a mistake
with the evidence.

It was minor, but enough
to get the whole argument

declared inadmissible and threw
into doubt the line of defence.

Kayla was found guilty and
sentenced to life without parole.

18 years old, and she'll spend
the rest of her life in prison

because of me.

You can't let one mistake
destroy your future.

You sound like my mother.

At least you didn't bolt
when you were in nappies.

I'm sorry.

That was super tactless.

It's OK.

I barely remember her.

Except she smelled of freesias.

I've always hated the
smell of freesias.

What do you want out of life?

I don't want my epitaph to read,

"Here lies Cecil Canterville,

"born with a silver
spoon in his mouth." Hmm.

I want to change the way Featherstonhaugh
has been run for centuries.

Green agriculture.

Renewable energy sources.

Permaculture, aquaponics
and hydroponics.

Crop rotation and polycultures.

Sorry.

I sound a right bore.

What's next for you?

That's the
million-dollar question.

Feeling better?

Remember, we're three players
short, so make every ball count.

Hiram andjango in first,

followed by me, then
Reverend Dampier,

Frank, Patience,
Theo and Charity.

All right?

Go on!

THEY CHEER

CROWD GROAN

Good try, Dad.

Good luck.

Wish I understood the
rules more, Tommy.

Canterville need 91 runs with
their best batsman injured, ma'am.

Thank you, Tommy.

Hardly much of a contest.

It is rather embarrassing.

You've got this!

They're on the brink
of a batting collapse.

It's all over before it started.

Not quite.

Sorry we're late.

It took me a while
to round everyone up.

Oh, God bless you, Elvis.

Your arrival couldn't
be more timely.

I was just going in. Ah.

What's happening, Tommy?

That's the village
cavalry out. Oh, bravo.

Down to the last
three batsmen now.

Well, we went out fighting.

You've got this!

Run! Run! Quick!

Oh, dear. Poor chap has
run his brother out.

Yeah, right, octopus hands.

It's down to Charity
and Theo now.

Six balls remaining, and they
need seven runs to win the match.

Well, that sounds achievable.
Oh, I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Last two are usually
last for a reason.

Nice!

Run!

This came at the post office.

Special delivery.

Looked important, so...

Hmm, thank you.

Nice!

Run!

Reminds me of the Ashes
in 1981. Last ball, ma'am.

And Canterville
need to hit a four.

It's actually rather thrilling.

SHE LAUGHS GLEEFULLY

He's done it!

CHEERING

Oh, bravo!

Jolly well played!

That was amazing!

You guys did great.

You've more than clone your bit.

I'm sure you don't need to stay.

He can phone ahead
and tell this cook

to have something waiting.

Not ruddy likely!

Looks like the party's
just getting started.

WALKING ON SUNSHINE PLAYS

♪ I used to think
maybe you loved me

♪ Now, baby, I'm sure

♪ And I just can't wait till the
day when you knock on my door

♪ Now, every time I
go for the mailbox

♪ Gotta hold myself down

Oh, bravo!

♪ And I just can't
wait till you write me

♪ You're coming round

♪ I'm walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, I'm
walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh

♪ I'm walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh

♪ It's time to feel good

♪ Ooh, yeah

♪ It's time to feel good

♪ It's time to feel good

♪ Mm-hm... ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES OUTSIDE

CLOCK TICKS

MEDIEVAL MUSIC PLAYS

MEDIEVAL MUSIC ENDS

CLOCK TICKS

WALKING ON SUNSHINE CONTINUES

♪ And I don't want to
spend my whole life

♪ just a-waiting for you

♪ I don't want you
back for the weekend

♪ Not back for a day

♪ Baby, I just want you
back and I want you to stay

♪ I'm walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh

♪ I'm walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh

♪ I'm walking on sunshine

♪ Whoa-oh-oh

♪ And don't it feel good

♪ Ooh, yeah

♪ It's time to feel good

♪ Now every time I
go for the mailbox

♪ Gotta hold myself down

♪ Cos I just can't
wait till you write me

♪ You're coming around

♪ I'm walking on sunshine... ♪

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