The Brink (2015): Season 1, Episode 4 - I'll Never Be Batman - full transcript

That's fine.

That satellite will be obsolete
by the time it's delivered.

What else does Raja want?

Yeah, a membership
to Augusta National.

This reads like Satan's
fucking Christmas list.

Walter, I need you to get
into the ambulance, please.

Also one Ohio-class ballistic
nuclear submarine.

What?

They could park that
thing off Coney Island

and nuke every city on
the eastern seaboard.

- Come on, come on.
- It's just a wish list.



You start with this, you whittle
it down to what's realistic.

Well, the day I play 18 holes behind
the head of Pakistan's secret police

is the day I eat
my goddamn putter!

Walter, please get
in the ambulance.

Guys, I just landed in India.
And in a few minutes,

I'm going to tell the
Indian foreign minister

that we're all good, we're
putting Raja in power,

and hope that backs them
away from war with Pakistan.

Now, Larson, you're in the
wrong goddamn country.

You should be in Israel laying the
groundwork for a joint strike op.

Okay, Pierce, let's
play this out.

Kashmir has three borders...
India, Pakistan, China.

India invades Pakistan,
Pakistan pushes back.

China sides with their
ally, Pakistan.



Now you've got a ground war not
between two nuclear powers,

but three! Walter,
ambulance, now!

Anyone else see the opening
ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics?

- Those synchronized drummers?
- Yeah, they were good.

Fucking terrifying! Imagine if they
applied that same level of focus

to their standing army of
seven point fuck-me million!

All right, Walter,
I'm listening.

India is down a
surveillance drone.

Get some planes in the air and
get me recon on Zaman's troops.

That'll grease the wheels here.

Fine. Pierce will authorize.

- I will?
- Great! I'll be getting to work.

Sir, your kidney stone is blocking
fluid from reaching your bladder.

If we wait any longer, you risk
your urinary tract bursting

and sending urine all
over your vital organs.

That sounds gross.

Kendra, get Rakesh on the phone.
Tell him we're on our way.

But your urinary
tract is about to...

Kendra, Indian foreign
minister, now!

And with these
decrees, we free ourselves

from the last vestiges of
British imperialist rule

and demotion of English
as an official language,

and an immediate ban of driving

on the left-hand
side of the road.

This guy's turning out to
be quite the progressive.

Mr. Secretary?

Sir, it's probably me
he wants to speak with.

He's the Secretary of State. I
am the ambassador to Pakistan.

Have a seat, Talbot.

Yes, Walter, fill me in.

- Hey, Bob, put me on speaker.
- Okay.

Okay, here's the deal.

Talbot's my guy. You're
not my guy, Bob.

You're only there because you
introduced Bush 43 to Jesus.

Whether or not that makes
you personally responsible

for everything we've
done post 9-11,

well, that's for Judgment Day,
which I'm sure you've marked

on your calendar with
some sort of smiley face.

Until then, you're going to see that
Talbot gets everything he needs.

- Sound good, Bob?
- Mr. Secretary, but I...

- Take me off speaker, Talbot.
- Yes, sir.

Don't worry, I'm sure
when the smoke clears,

you'll be glad you
went into Iraq.

Nothing I'm about to say

gets repeated,
especially to that guy.

Makes sense.

I think I can pull
Augusta out of a hat,

but the nuclear sub
is a non-starter.

Tell him everything else
is on the table, though.

- And if he balks?
- Negotiate.

Any international-diplomacy
tips you can lay on me?

It's easy. Just leave him thinking
he got everything he wanted

even when he didn't.
Convince him he won.

Mm-hmm. And how will I
know if I did that?

He won't kill you. Now
when's the rendezvous?

Uh, unclear. We didn't
exactly make any plans,

and he didn't give
me a contact number.

Figure it out fast!

We're running out of time.

Are you still my guy?

Oh, I'm your guy. I can do this.

Good. Now in your embassy,
there is a room... 304A,

- as in albatross. Ask for Leonard.
- Leonard?

He'll make sure you don't
go into this thing unarmed.

- Now when you say "unarmed"...
- Good luck.

Thank you.

You'll all be
briefed in the air,

but it looks like armed recon
over the Kashmir border.

Let's move, ladies.
Move, move, move!

Let's go.

Hey, you didn't tell Ashley?

I don't think I thought
this through very well.

All right, lay it on me, man.
That's why I'm here.

Well, if I tell her I'm having
a child with another woman,

that's not going to make
her feel, you know, good.

Yeah, well, I hear that.

Because I think my promise
to move to Los Angeles

and raise our children could
possibly be misinterpreted

as me wanting to get
back together with her.

That's a good point.

Well, I don't want
to lead her on.

But if I tell her about
my second family,

she's going to think I only
wanted her to be in LA

so that I could be in
San Diego with Gail,

and that's really going to
play with her emotions.

Especially 'cause it's true.

So that got me thinking
about never telling her,

and how ignorance is bliss,

and about Bruce Wayne, right?

- 'Cause he's a good guy.
- Oh, he's the best.

And when he's with a woman,
he's not like, "I'm Batman."

- No.
- And when Batman's with a girl,

- he's not like, "I'm Bruce Wayne."
- Hell no.

He might show her the Batcave, but he's
never going to take her to the mansion.

He keeps that shit split.

So LA's going to be my mansion,

San Diego's going
to be my Batcave.

And I-5's going to be my fire pole I
slide down to get from one to the other.

Well, so far this holds water.

I gotta come clean, huh?

Yeah, pretty much.

Shit.

Hello, I'm looking for Le...

This is from Walter Larson.

Uh, okay.

How much is in here?

$80 million in
thousand-dollar bills.

Dictators love 'em.
They can frame them,

give them to their friends.
Good for Swiss banks,

bad for everything else.

Look, that's Grover Cleveland.

So I just...
Do I sign this out

or do you need to see
my driver's license?

Good luck.

Whoa, what's in the bag?

You wouldn't believe
me if I told you.

Now we need to find a
phone number for Raja,

then find a place to meet that isn't
public or owned by the US government.

That seems easy enough.

Which one of you is Alex Talbot?

He is.

- Come with us, please.
- Here's the thing...

- Not a choice.
- Hey, hey, hey!

Can you do this?

Yes.

Sir, are you okay?
You're sweating.

It's 118 degrees.

Outside. In here it's freezing.

- It is?
- Yes.

Fuck.

Welcome to New Delhi, Mr.
Secretary.

Mr. Foreign Minister,
it's an honor to be here.

I hope we can put the
past few days behind us.

When we last spoke,
you used a phrase

that I took as a
personal insult.

But in looking up this
phrase, I now realize

there are many idioms
in your language

that I need to learn...
Half-cocked among them.

What is this sound?

Rakesh, I need you to
pull your troops away

from the disputed border in Kashmir.

No, Pakistan blew our
drone out of the sky.

They take Kashmir, what is to stop
them from blowing up New Delhi?

About 28 NATO allies.

Zaman is a crazy man.

Zaman has SRBMs pointed
directly at us right now.

Nuclear weapons! And if
that is his approach,

you can imagine our response.

Are you well?

Ahem.

I am organizing a counter-coup

to remove Zaman from power and
replace him with Haroon Raja,

his half-brother.

Raja will withdraw the troops from
the disputed border in Kashmir

and deescalate
this motherfucker.

We have a saying in India...

"Do not trust Pakistan."

I'm not asking you to trust Pakistan,
I'm asking you to trust me.

Then we have nothing
to talk about.

I'm sorry you came all this way.

Should we take our picture now?

What if I stay in New Delhi until
Zaman is removed from power?

That'll take the
target off your back.

Then if Zaman blows
up New Delhi,

he'll have to take out the
US Secretary of State

and have to deal with
the consequences.

- Human shield, huh?
- Yes, sir.

I will take this offer
to my prime minister.

Excellent.

Hey, I think we're done here.

Okay, where is your
nearest hospital?

Ahh!

Which side of the road are
you people driving on now?

Guys?

Seriously, make up
your fucking minds!

- Come on!
- Fellas?

Pick a side of the road. Jesus.

Just tell me where the
hell we're going.

You're headed to Baghdad.
Ambassador's orders.

What? No, okay!
Look, I understand

that you guys aren't
exactly wired for empathy,

but you need to know that I've been
tasked by the Secretary of State

to stave off nuclear...
Are you guys even...

You're tuning me
out, aren't you?

Hmm? No, keep talking.
We're listening.

- You okay?
- What the... fuck!

Oh.

Shakira!

Shakira. Shakira.

Hammer 1-9,
this is flight op.

Have you made contact with any
Pakistani troop positions?

Negative. We've crossed the
border, but ground is obscured.

Descending through the
goo to floor of 1-5-0.

Copy that, Hammer 1-9.

So you tell Ashley and
she's cool with it...

- Yes, I like it.
- She's understanding, man.

She doesn't think you're trying
to get back together with her.

She respects my honesty.

Yeah, she even thinks
you're a good guy,

not abandoning Gail's baby. Sorta
makes you look like a martyr.

So far, so good.

And Gail never has to know you're
still in love with Ashley.

Am I right?

Oh, crap.

Sorry, man.

Thought that was obvious.

Oh, shit, man. Flak, flak, flak!

We're taking flak!

Flight Op, we've made
contact with recon target.

Mr. President, I've just
received official word

from the Indian prime
minister that their troops

will pull back from Kashmir.

I got to tell you, Walter, you
really came through on this.

Thank you, sir.

Human-shield idea was inspired,

in Kissinger territory.

Stay there as long as you need.

How long have you had this pain?

I don't know. A few weeks.

Weeks?

- Excuse me?
- milligram Thromycin...

Sorry, I don't speak Hindi.

Is everything okay?

Good luck with your surgery.

Everyone here wishes
you a speedy recovery.

Thanks. I really
appreciate the kind words.

What the fuck was that?

Something weird is going
on with the president.

- Find out what it is.
- No, I don't want to leave you.

I'll be fine, go.

I was just about to call you.

Has he gone under yet?

Moments away, finally.

All right, make sure the doctors
know he's allergic to Ceclor.

He had a reaction
to it as a child,

- but better to be safe.
- Yeah, I already told them.

You're very good.

Also, when he comes to,

tell him I've been officially
confirmed as DOD General Counsel.

Great. So that's what you
want me to tell him,

the moment he wakes up?

He's going to find out
pretty damn quickly.

At least he'll be sedated.

Excuse me, excuse me!

Get the fuck out of the way.
Come on.

Excuse me. Uh, bup, bup!
Beep, beep, beep!

Excuse me, no...

Shakira.

Please.

Out of my fucking way.
Get out, get out.

Hey, bicycle man, I want
to buy your bicycle.

I want to buy your bicycle.
$1,000.

Look, money.

Yes, it's good. You take it.

- It's real.
- Israel?

Yeah. Oh, what the
fuck are you...

No, no, no, not Israel!

Here you go, all of my money.

Look at that, $18.

There you go, $18.

Yeah, there you go.

Great job. Yeah, I know.

You made out like a bandit.
Thank you.

Hey, Talbot! Let me
through, let me through.

Beep, beep! Out of my way.

Beep, beep, beep!

Okay, Walter, time for
you to go to sleep.

Can you count back
from 10 for me?

10, nine...

This is an operating room!

Pierce is on his
way to Tel Aviv.

The president is
losing patience.

The recon planes you sent out can't
get low enough to shoot footage.

They're taking too much flak.

He gave Pierce the go-ahead
for an Israeli joint strike.

They're sidelining you.

Pierce, that motherfucker...

fuck... fucker...

Okay, it's penis time.

I'm pretty sure that's for me!

Hello, Massoud residence.
Hassan speaking.

This is Alex Talbot.

Rafiq is not here. Goodbye.

Yeah, where are you?
What's going on?

Doesn't matter. Listen, I'm hoping if
the ISI is listening to your fax line,

they're also listening
to your phone line,

and if they are, hello, I need
to meet with General Raja

at this residence as
soon as possible.

Okay, Alex, the ISI
is not the NSA, okay?

There's not someone sitting
at some server farm

live-monitoring
our conversation.

He says they'll be
here in 40 minutes.

50 if there's traffic.

Yes! Okay. I'm on my way, baby.

Oh, God, let's take
these fucking pictures

and get the hell out of this!

I do love Ashley.

But I love my unborn child, too.

He's not even a person
yet and I love him.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

But even if Ashley
loves me back,

the more I raise this kid, the
more I'm going to bond with Gail.

Fuck Ashley! Fuck Gail!

Plus how am I going to
pay for three kids?

I don't make enough to
pay for two right now.

I'm going to have to work
all day and all night.

Motherfucker!

Can I really work that much

and still make time
to be a good father?

God, nobody gives a shit!

- Uh, Zeke?
- What is the answer, man?

I think we just lost something.

Oh, one of our fucking
wings is on fire!

There's no escape.

We're punching out.

Oh, shit.

- Shit, shit, shit.
- Stand by!

Oh, shit, shit, shit.

I'll never be Batman.

Again, I'm so sorry.

- No, I feel responsible.
- Oooh.

If I'd known about your
medical condition...

Ahem.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

Kendra? Eh...

Look, don't try to speak.

I will have her reassigned
before she gets too clingy.

Oh, no, no, don't.
She's a smart woman.

She's good at her job.
She's good at sex.

Why don't you go into my wallet,

find her dress size,
buy her something nice

one size smaller?

Women like that.

Maybe let's wait for
the meds to wear off

before we commit to
anything actionable?

Yeah.

You're so smart.

Yeah, I... I know you.

Also, sir, your wife called.

Oh.

What'd she say?

She just wanted to make
sure you were doing okay.

Oh, she's a good woman.

I like her.

Can I have the phone, please?

You know, maybe let's
drink some fluids.

No, give me phone now.

Walter, maybe it's not the
best time to call Joanne.

Ple...

Hello, Israel.

I'm not allowed to talk to you.

How long do I have
before Pierce gets there

and you guys fuck everything up?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Are you drunk dialing me again?

I'm on my way, Talia.

I'll see you soon.

Goodbye, Walter.

Hold my catheter.
Gas up the jet.

- We're breaking out!
- Oh, God.

Stop coming to my house.

My family is risking
their lives for you.

I know. You guys are awesome.

No, you don't get it!

They don't have a choice now.

There is no going back for us.

You have made us Raja's
co-conspirators.

If you have us start a failed
coup from this living room,

we will all be killed.

Well, you know, to be fair,
Raja was going to kill you

- if this thing goes south anyway.
- What?

I'm sorry, I didn't have
time to consult you,

but things were moving very
fast and I had to improvise,

which is my strength,
but it's going to work,

because we are the righteous
and we are the good.

Congratulations.

We are now officially
co-conspirators.

This is a signed first
edition of my novel.

I've heard
Raja is a big fan.

- Could you give it to him?
- Seriously?

You want to literally
leave a paper trail?

You fuck this up,

and they will have risked
their lives for nothing.

What the fuck are you wearing?

Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Jammer!

India will be fine. They're
natural pacifists.

They never threw
the first punch.

♪ We gotta dtops that
shit before it starts.

I took your promise
to my prime minister!

He thinks you are
our human shield.

Now I have to go back
to him * of horse shit!

What are supposed to do

if you keep taking
us in the ass?

You're not taking anyone
in the ass, Rakesh.

We're going to do whatever it takes
to protect the Indian people.

You're going to
withdraw your troops,

and I'm going to give you
4.4 billion reasons why.

You Americans always think
you can convince the world

of your delusional
righteousness.

You misunderstand.

Your country exports $4.4
billion in pharmaceuticals

to my country each year. And
from personal experience,

they work great. But you
inch any closer to Pakistan,

and I will have the FDA
inspect your factories,

find violations and ban imports.

- You cannot do that.
- Yes, I can.

But I'm a nice guy, so I'm
not going to ban imports.

Instead, I'm going to
end the 10% import tax

your pharma guys currently pay.

I'm gonna extend that
deal for 10 years,

saving your largest industry
the grand total of?

$4.4 billion.

Oh, my God.

- Are you relieving yourself?
- It's involuntary.

We cannot let Pakistan think
they can shoot down our drone

and we will do nothing!

How high was your drone flying?

45,000 feet.

Do you really think
Pakistan has the technology

to shoot down a drone
at that altitude?

You shot down our drone?

Don't tell me you
weren't thinking it.

I think it's the president.

Accidents happen. Excuse me.

Mr. President? Yes, sir,
thank you for asking.

I'm very fine, thank you.

I want you to rest a few
days in that hospital.

Mr. President, I'm ready to go back
to serving the American people.

You said you were going
to stay in India,

and that's exactly what
you're going to do.

- This isn't a dialogue.
- But, sir...

God damn it, Walter!

Of course.

I apologize for jumping the gun.

I will stay here as
long as is required.

- Damn right you will.
- Yes, sir.

So where are we at, Rakesh?

We will withdraw our troops,

but you'd better put
Haroon Raja in power.

That I can promise.

Kendra, on the plane.

- Wait, what?
- We're going to Tel Aviv.

- Wait, is that what the president said?
- Wheels up!

Grover Cleveland?

Consider Mr. Cleveland
a down payment.

Now what about the
rest of my list?

I got good news and bad news.

Which do you want first?

The good news is better.
Let's go with the good news.

Augusta National? You are in.

- Really?
- Mmm.

- *
- It wasn't easy.

He's not supposed
to give me that.

That is my impossible request.

That is the insane
thing I push for

but then reluctantly
give up in favor

of what would actually
break this deal...

My nuclear submarine.

Did he mention my sub?

Mm-hmm, he did.

Yes, he did.

You're all good there, too.

Then what is the bad news?

That I'm sure your mother
will not be pleased,

Zaman being your
brother and all.

That's the bad news.

Unless she's not alive.
Then it's all good.

You make jokes about
my dead mother?

No, no, no.

Now I am joking with you.

I hated that cunt.

Hmm.

I have worked to earn
my brother's trust.

It has not been fun.

But as a result, please
tell my good friend Walter

there will be a new leader
of Pakistan within 24 hours.

As an emissary of the
United States of America,

thanks big time.

I know you took many risks.

Where I come from,
this type of sacrifice

does not go unacknowledged.

We're not supposed to do this,

but I don't want to
insult your people.

Ah.

I read this one.

Derivative. Like a poor
man's Clive Cussler.

Fucking Augusta National.

Eisenhower...

Quick question.

What happens when Haroon
Raja never gets that sub?

I don't know.

Hey, hey!

Jammer!

Jammer! Over here!

- Zeke!
- Yes! Ha!

- Z-Pac!
- Glenn!

- I'm coming!
- Yes, buddy!

- Oh, my God!
- Zeke, I'm coming!

- Oh, shit...
- Oh, shit, no! No, no, no!

- Z-Pac!
- Glenn!

- I see you!
- Stop! There are land mines!

- I'm coming!
- There's land mines!

- I know, I'm coming!
- No, seriously, stop!

- Go low, go low!
- Stop! There's fucking mines!

- I'm serious!
- Stay low, stay low!

- Stop!
- I'm here!

- Oh!
- Oh, God!

Oh, thank God.

Oh, holy shit, Z-Pac.

That's all right,
that's all right.

It's gonna be all right.