The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Big Sprain - full transcript

♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪



♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way they all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way they became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

( humming)

Give you a hand, Alice?

Oh, no, thanks.

Everything's under control.



Was that Mrs.
Brady on the phone?

Oh, yeah. She said
she arrived safely.

How long will she be staying?

Well, until her
Aunt Mary recovers

from whatever it is Aunt
Mary's recovering from.

She's always coming
down with something.

Right. You name it, and
Aunt Mary's had it, has it

or is about to get it.

Well, I just hope Mrs. Brady
can have a little fun this trip.

Yeah, I hope so, too.

I also hope that running this
whole place single-handed

isn't going to be too
much for you, Alice.

A breeze, Mr. Brady.

Less than that, a, uh... zephyr.

Yeah, well, six kids
and me and Tiger

all adds up to work.

What work?

Vacuuming, dusting,
making the beds,

cooking the meals,
washing the...

You're right.

It all adds up to work.

You see?

Well, nothing one able-bodied
female can't handle.

Oh. What?

Oh, the apple pie.
I left the rest of it

on the dining room
table, and I want that to go

into the lunch boxes tomorrow,

not into the kids'
tummies tonight.

I can take care of this
household standing on my...

ALICE: head!

Alice? Alice?

Alice?

Are you all right?

I'll live.

But I'm not the
able-bodied female

I was a minute ago, Mr. Brady.

My foot played a game of
Chinese checkers and lost.

Okay, I've called this
unusually late-evening meeting

to issue a medical bulletin.

The doctor says that
Alice's ankle is only sprained

but it's a bad sprain, and she's

going to have to
stay off it for awhile,

and that's gonna be
very hard on Alice.

We're sorry we left
our Chinese checkers

on the dining room floor.

Yes, you violated
a strict family rule

about leaving your
toys spread all over

for people to trip over.

GREG: I don't think
we should all be blamed.

At least we should all
go tell Alice we're sorry.

Alice is resting.

But what you can tell me is:
who is going to do the cooking

and the cleaning and the washing

and all the other
housework around here,

while Alice is grounded
and your mother's gone, huh?

Well, I'm going to tell you.

While Alice is grounded,

you all are going to assume
the job of running this house...

And that's starting tomorrow,
and right after school.

But, Dad, our team has
workouts all this week,

so we can stay in
shape for the next game.

I'll guarantee your
coach you'll stay in shape.

What about my music lessons?

You can hum a
lot while you work.

No dance class?

That's right. No dance class.

Dad, would you believe

I was going to spend
every afternoon this week

studying in the library?

Ho, ho, ho.

Yeah, that's a good try, Peter.

And I would like to believe it,
but it would boggle my mind.

Anybody else?

I give up.

Me, too.

Good.

Now that we
understand each other,

hit the sack.

Starting with breakfast
tomorrow, we get to work.

( knocking)

Come in.

Hey, Alice, you're supposed

to stay off that ankle.

Well, I... Okay, I'm off it.

See? Listen, if there's
something you want,

I'll get it for you.

Oh... in the closet,
last one on the end?

Hey... That's very pretty.

It's the first long
dress I've had

since high school.

Same color... if not
quite the same size.

What are you going to
do with this dress tonight?

Put it in mothballs.

You're losing me, Alice.

Mr. Brady, Saturday night is
the annual Meat Cutters' Ball.

Sam was going to take me

and I was going
to wear this dress.

Oh, Alice, I'm sure
sorry about that.

I don't know what else to say.

Well, why don't you say
what you came in to say.

I'll have plenty of time
to feel sorry for myself.

I talked to the kids.

Tomorrow, they're
going to take over

all the household chores
by mutual agreement.

Mutual agreement?

Well, with a little persuasion.

But they agreed.

They're a family unit,
Alice, and this is their job.

I hate to think of the mess
I'm going to have to face

when I get well.

Alice, there's going to
be no mess, believe me.

Starting with breakfast
tomorrow morning,

everything is gonna
run like clockwork.

( bell clangs)

I'm not going to
do all these dishes.

I won't live that long.

Well, I'm certainly
not. I did the eggs.

You mean you dropped the eggs.

It's stuck.

Come out, come out!

You finished breakfast already?

Take my advice, Dad:
Stay out of the kitchen.

Breakfast isn't worth it.

The girls are taking
perfectly good food

and making garbage out of it.

Poison garbage.

You have to have
something to eat.

We'll settle for the
cafeteria at noon.

( sighs)

Listen, you can't go to
school on an empty stomach.

Why don't you have some milk?

Not in there.

They'll probably try to fry it.

Suit yourselves. There.

I'll be the guinea pig.

Here it is, only
the first breakfast

and I had to do everything.

Absolutely everything!

If "everything" means

dropping the frozen
orange juice on the floor,

then you've done
everything, all right!

Well, good morning, everybody.

MARCIA: Good morning, Daddy.

I'm sorry about Alice,
but I don't see why

I have to do
absolutely everything!

Stop that "absolutely
everything" stuff!

I'm the one that had to...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't attack before
I've had my coffee.

Hi, Cindy.

Hi.

Is it all right?

It's a little strong.

I told you not to let
it perk for an hour.

It only perked for 45 minutes.

Now, calm down, both of you.

What is the furor?

Well, in the first place,

the boys are supposed
to wash the dishes.

MARCIA: But they said if
they weren't going to eat,

they didn't have to clean up.

And second... Forget
the second, Jan.

We'll work this all out tonight.

My, my.

A lot of them, aren't there?

All we could scoop up
after Marcia dropped them

on the floor.

MARCIA: Not on the floor!

That's where she
dropped the orange juice.

Uh, listen, I think I'll just
settle for a piece of toast.

Cindy, where's the toast?

In the toaster.

I'm still waiting for it.

My gosh, I didn't
realize it was this late.

I... I better rush.

Remind the boys:
straight home from school

and on housework detail.

And don't bother Alice
because she needs the rest.

All right, Daddy.

Daddy, here's your toast.

Cindy, I don't think I
could eat another bite.

Bye, Dad.

( knocking)

Come in.

Sorry, Alice, I
couldn't find it.

The mop isn't in
the service porch?

Only Tiger's in
the service porch.

What's Tiger doing there?

I left the sprinklers
on too long

and flooded his doghouse.

Well, try the
upstairs hall closet.

Okay.

Flooded the doghouse?

( rumbling)

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Jan.

Too much soap in
the washing machine?

How did you know?

ESP.

Well, it'll be all right.

Peter's gonna vacuum up the
soap suds in the dining room.

Oh, it got that far, did it?

Want some more help?

Oh, no. I just came by
to see how you were.

Well, I better go find the wash.

Find the wash?

Yeah. It just floated
off somewhere.

( bell tinkling)

Oh, hi, Mr. Brady.

Hi, Sam.

What can I do for you?

Well, something for dinner

that can be fixed
in a hurry, Sam.

I understand that roast
we were going to have

has been burned to a crisp.

Oh? Well, how about some chops?

I have lamb chops,
pork chops, veal chops...

or you could take some of
each and make chop suey.

Listen, Sam, I'll take
eight of your lamp chops.

Okay.

Hey, how come Alice
burned the roast?

She's a better cook than that.

Alice didn't do it.
The girls burned it.

Isn't Alice with you anymore?

Oh, that's right.
You didn't know.

No, Alice is in bed, see?

She had a fall.

Oh? Bad?

Well, sprain... her ankle.

Gee, that's a shame.

Yeah.

But it could be worse.

At least it wasn't
her short ribs.

( groans)

I'll take a dime off
for that last joke.

Could you take a quarter?

( both laughing)

There they are.

Eight lamb chops,
ready to be broiled.

What's burning?

Must be Marcia's peas.

She didn't put any
water in with them.

How about those potatoes you put

in the oven three hours ago?

Three...?

Listen, let's throw
everything into the sink,

except the lamb chops.

And my salad.

It's not burning.

Okay.

( phone ringing)

( coughing)

Hello.

Carol! Hi, darling!

Hi, honey. How are you?

Oh, Mommy, Mommy!

Let me talk to her!

Oh, please!

Mommy! Oh, please,
let me talk to her! Please!

Please!

Yes, sweetheart. Of
course, we miss you.

How are all the kids?

MIKE: Oh, honey,
we're fine; we're just fine.

Except for Alice. She...

she took a little spill and
she sprained her ankle.

Dad, the sink's stopped up!

( girls talking at once)

Um, yes, sweetheart.

Well, if Alice hurt herself,
maybe I should come right back.

Oh, honey, listen, there's no
reason for you to come home.

None whatsoever.

The kids have
everything under control.

Dad, I hate to bother you

while you're on the phone...

No, no, honey, listen.

I mean it. I really mean it.

You wouldn't know the house.

Peter's T-shirt's stuck
in the vacuum cleaner.

What's all the commotion?

Uh, the kids and I are just
having a little fun here, honey.

But Peter's in his T-shirt.

What?!

Tell Alice I hope
she feels better.

Yeah. Yes, sweetheart.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I'll tell Alice.

AUNT MARY: Carol!

Well, Aunt Mary's
calling, so I better run.

I'll talk to you soon, okay?

Bye, honey.

All right. Bye, honey.

Sam, this is the sweetest thing

you could've done...
Coming to see me

and bringing me
candies and flowers.

It's almost worth
spraining my ankle for.

Could I take a look at it?

Why not? Everybody else has.

Although I've never heard of
a butcher who was a doctor.

Well, I've known plenty of
doctors who were butchers.

Hey, boy, that
does look pretty bad.

I wouldn't put meat
like that on my counter.

Sam, you always know
just the right thing to say.

And right now, I
have to say good-bye,

'cause this is my bowling night.

Besides, you
need rest and quiet.

Try to enjoy it, Alice.

I'll enjoy it, all right...

Especially Saturday night.

Ooh, boy, that's right.

With that ankle,

you won't be able to go
to the Meat Cutters' Ball.

No, Sam, I won't.

Well, gee, Alice, would
your feelings be terribly hurt

if I went anyway...

I mean, being on the
entertainment committee and all?

Oh, my feelings
wouldn't be hurt at all.

I want you to go
and to have fun.

Who will you take?

Um, I'll think of somebody.

Well, I got to run now, Alice.

Uh, take care of yourself.

And ta-ta.

Ta-ta, Sam.

Hey, Alice, I saw Sam
arrive with the flowers.

Can I get you a vase and
some water to put them in?

No, thanks, Mr. Brady.

I think I'll be able to
water them myself.

Greg?

Greg!

Hey, you dazzling
basketball star.

Well, "dazzling" did it.

But if it's about
the dishes, forget it.

We made our decision.

You girls make the
mess; you girls clean it up.

You heard last night when Dad
was talking to Mom on the phone.

Yeah. Well, you heard
him tell her what a great job

we were doing taking
care of the house

so she wouldn't
worry and come home.

That's right.

No, it's wrong.

We're doing a terrible job.

You mean about the mess

in the kitchen and the
washing machine flood?

That and everything else.

We're trying, but we're
not trying together.

Yeah. I guess
maybe you're right.

Even a dazzling basketball star

needs to feel
he's part of a team.

Dad shouldn't have to
make excuses to Mom.

Yeah. You go get Jan and
Cindy, and I'll round up the men.

Then what?

Teamwork with a capital "work."

GREG: Charge!

Boy, have we ever
got a terrific surprise.

You do?

Come on, Alice.

You sit here, Daddy.

And you there, Alice.

You're our special guest.

What is all this?

MARCIA: Dinner is served.

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

( all counting off)

What kind of a miracle is
taking place here, anyway?

Mr. Brady, if a miracle
happens, don't question it.

Just lean back and accept it.

Thank you.

( laughing)

What do you mean,
"ulterior motive," Sally?

I don't have ulterior
motives... much.

Long as I know you're going
bowling on Saturday night,

that answers my question. Bye.

Well, that does it.

Does what, Alice?

I've called every girl I know

that Sam knows, Mr. Brady,

and not one of them will admit

that he's taking her to
the Meat Cutter's Ball.

Maybe he's going stag.

Sam? Stag?

( chuckling)

The only time he's
heard that word

is when somebody
brought a dead deer

into the butcher shop.

He's taking somebody.
I know it, but...

Oh, well, what difference
does it make anyway?

The dance is tomorrow night.

( sighs)

24 hours from now,

Sam will be on
the dance floor...

under the twinkling
lights, violins sighing,

the air heady with perfume...

and he'll be...

stomping around the floor
like all the other butchers.

( bell tinkling)

Hey, Sam, you still open?

Sure, Mr. Brady. Why
should I be closed so early?

Well, tonight's the big night,
isn't it? The Meat Cutter's Ball?

Yeah, tonight's the night.

What can I do for you?

Well, eight of your
best steaks, Sam.

Oh... celebrating something?

Yeah, well, it's more like a
reward for a hungry army.

( chuckles)

The kids are still doing
the housework, huh? Yeah.

Alice is still sidelined?

Well, she's up and
around a little, Sam,

but, I don't know,
her ankle's giving

her a little trouble,
and unfortunately...

She can't make it
to the party, is that it?

That's it.

So I have to take
somebody else, is that it?

That's it.

Boy, you must think I'm
an all-time heel, Mr. Brady.

Ah, Sam, it's none
of my business.

But you got to understand.

When you get to be a big
man with the union like I am...

You know, on the entertainment
committee, and all...

Well, your union expects
big things from big men,

like showing up at parties.

Listen, Sam, I understand.

Yeah, but women don't...

Not women like Alice anyway.

She probably thinks
I'm 185 pounds

of rejected rump roast.

( chuckling)

No, I'm sure she doesn't.

I'm sure she does, Mr. Brady.

Oh, she probably thinks

she's resigned to
staying home tonight,

but who knows
what's really going on

in that cute little
head of hers, huh?

Sam?

Yes, Mr. Brady?

Listen, I think you got
more than eight steaks there.

Oh?

You know, you're right.

Such is the fate of
an amorous butcher.

( both laughing)

Okay, once again, kids,

I've called a
late-evening meeting,

but this time, it's not to
issue a medical bulletin

or to lecture you
about carelessness.

It's to tell you how proud I am

and how pleased that
you've gotten together

and you've worked as a team.

We're glad you're pleased,
Dad, 'cause we really tried.

But there's another thing we
did when Alice sprained her ankle.

Yes?

We sprained
Alice's love life, too.

And all the
teamwork in the world

doesn't look like
it'll fix that up.

Well, you know,
there are some things

we have control over
and some things we don't.

I honestly don't
know what we can do

about Sam and Alice

and the Meat Cutter's Ball.

But anyway, you've earned
a little rest and relaxation.

So come on and enjoy
yourselves until bedtime...

but keep it down
'cause I have work to do.

There must be something
we can do for Alice.

I don't know.

It's pretty hard to
fix a broken heart.

Yeah, even with
splints and a first aid kit.

Dad's probably right.

Just forget about it.

That's it.

What?

Make Alice forget
all about the dance.

It's going to be hard.

No, it isn't.

Forgetting's easy.

It's remembering that's hard.

Hi, Alice. What's up?

Well, I'm reading a book,
if that's what you mean.

Any good?

If you like love stories.

We're about to have
a feast in the kitchen.

Why don't you come
on in and join us?

I'm going to make my
famous peanut butter

and pickle sandwiches.

I can't burn those.

They're too soggy.

It does sound tempting,

but I've been on this ankle
a little bit too much today.

I better stay here.

Okay.

Come on, Alice!

Quick or you'll miss it!

Miss what?

A great wrestling
match on television...

A championship bout!

"Rotten Otto" is
challenging "Dirty Destiny."

Wow. That does sound
like a challenge, all right.

I appreciate the invitation,
but I'm afraid Rotten and Dirty

are going to have to
do without me tonight.

I'm staying put.

Hi, Alice.

Want to play some cards with us?

What kind?

Old Maid.

That was dumb.

A feast in the kitchen?

A wrestling match?

A game of cards?

I wonder just what's up.

All six of us tried

and all six of us failed.

Maybe Daddy can talk to her.

He's in his den working.

We can't bother him.

ALICE: No, girls, you can't.

Anyway, there's no
reason for him to talk to me.

I know what you kids
are trying to do, and I...

We weren't trying
to do anything, Alice.

Oh, yes, you were.
You were trying

to get me interested
in something else

so I wouldn't feel so
sorry for myself tonight.

How in the world did
you figure that out?

ESP again, Jan.

And it's sweet of
you to care so much,

but quit worrying
about old Alice.

Where's the rest of the gang?

They went to bed.

Well, it's late. You
better go up, too,

and let old Alice worry about
old Alice, hmm? Come on.

( all chuckling)

Good night, kids.

Good night.

Good night.

( doorbell chimes)

Sam!

It's me, Alice.

That's what I said... Sam.

How come you're not at the ball?

Oh, come on, Alice.

You know I couldn't
go without my best girl.

It just wouldn't be any fun.

Here. Brought
you a little nosegay.

Oh, Sam, a nosegay
is just what I need.

And right now, I got
the gayest nose in town.

( laughing)

Oh, Sam, it's just beautiful!

It's just the right
shade for my robe.

Can I come in?

Oh, sure, sure.

Mrs. Brady's still out of town

and Mr. Brady's in his den.

The kids have gone up to bed.

Well, Alice, even
if we miss the ball,

I thought maybe we could
make some music together.

( both laughing)

Shh!

( both chuckling)

Alice, would I be getting fresh

if I suggested that we
step out on the patio

and look at the stars?

Sam, are you going to
kiss me under those stars?

I'm sure going to try.

That's one good
thing about butchers...

They make no bones about it.

Mom's back! She's
coming in the driveway now!

( kids clamoring and cheering)

Hey, Alice, did you hear that?

Hey, hey, hey! Wait for me!

( sighs)

Alice?!

Alice, you hurt again?

No, just dented my dignity.

All right, who left
the vacuum cleaner

in the middle of the floor?!

I'm afraid I did, Mr. Brady.