The Bob Newhart Show (1972–1978): Season 2, Episode 4 - Somebody Down Here Likes Me - full transcript
A minister goes to Bob professionally. While the minister loves what he is doing, people treat him differently outside the church when they know he is a minister. After some therapy, the minister announces to the parishioners his new plans.
HELLO?
- HI, EMILY. HI, HOWARD.
- HI, BOB.
- HI, DEAR.
YOU'RE HOME ALREADY? I
HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED DINNER.
I CAN GO BACK AND COME IN LATER.
NO! I-I JUST DIDN'T
REALIZE HOW LATE IT WAS.
- WE JUST GOT BACK
FROM THE AUCTION.
- OH, YEAH. HOW WAS IT?
GREAT! I MEAN, FOR THE
CHURCH IT WAS GREAT.
SOME OF US MADE VERY
GENEROUS CONTRIBUTIONS.
SOME, UH... SOME OF US?
YEAH, WELL, UH,
I'LL START DINNER.
ANYWAY, I, UH, GOTTA
GET BACK TO THE CHURCH.
HOWARD, HAVE YOU ALWAYS
BEEN SUCH A BIG CHURCH PERSON?
BOB, WHEN YOU HIT AN
AIR POCKET AT 30,000 FEET,
YOU'VE GOTTA
BELIEVE IN SOMETHING.
SO, THEY HAD A LOT OF
INTERESTING THINGS AT THE AUCTION.
YEAH. REALLY,
REALLY INTERESTING.
WHAT INTERESTING
THING DID YOU BUY?
OH, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, BOB.
WELL, I WANT TO LIKE
IT, EMILY. WH-WHAT IS IT?
GUESS. A STEEPLE.
NO.
HERE IT IS, BOB.
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
A BIBLE? WELL, THAT'S
NO ORDINARY BIBLE, BOB.
THAT'S 400 YEARS OLD.
THAT'S AN ANTIQUE BIBLE.
HOW MUCH IS THAT IN DOLLARS?
WELL, THE PRICE INCLUDES A SOLID OAK
STAND THAT THEY'RE DELIVERING TOMORROW.
EMILY, I'M GONNA
SIT DOWN FOR THIS.
I WANT IT FAST... ONE
QUICK CHOP IN THE THROAT.
THE WHOLE THING... DELIVERY
CHARGE, TAX INCLUDED.
- OH, BOB,
BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- FASTER.
WE HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANYTHING
FOR THE HOUSE IN MONTHS. FASTER.
- $350.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
EMILY, I WANT TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU. I SAID I'D TAKE IT BACK.
EMILY, THERE IS NO WAY I CAN
ASK YOU TO TAKE THAT BACK...
WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A VILLAIN.
I MEAN, ASKING YOU TO TAKE
BACK A BIBLE IS LIKE KICKING A DOG.
LET'S SAY IT'S A...
A CANNONBALL...
AN ANTIQUE CANNONBALL...
AND YOU PAID $350 FOR IT.
NOW, IF I TOLD YOU, "EMILY, THAT'S
TOO MUCH MONEY FOR A CANNONBALL,"
YOU'D TAKE IT BACK, RIGHT?
RIGHT. THEN TAKE
BACK THE CANNONBALL.
YOU KNOW, BOB, I WAS
GONNA TAKE IT BACK.
BUT AFTER THAT DUMB
ARGUMENT, I'M GONNA KEEP IT.
ALL RIGHT, EMILY, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU SAW SOMETHING ON
THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT...
THAT YOU THOUGHT WOULD
LOOK NICE IN OUR HOUSE.
I'M NOT GONNA ASK YOU TO TAKE IT BACK.
I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU ANYMORE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
NOTHING'S COMING OUT, ERNIE!
- HOW'S THAT?
- THERE. NOW IT'S
BLOWING UP A STORM.
THANKS, REVEREND.
COME IN.
UH... UH, REVEREND BRADFORD?
RIGHT. I'M BOB HARTLEY.
HARTLEY? DR. HARTLEY,
EMILY'S HUSBAND.
THAT'S RIGHT. I REALLY
WANT TO THANK YOU.
YOUR WIFE REALLY MADE THAT
AUCTION A GREAT SUCCESS.
I'M SURE SHE HAD A PART IN IT.
WE MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO
SEND THE POOR KIDS TO CAMP,
SET UP A SOUP KITCHEN FOR
SOME OF THE GUYS ON SKID ROW,
BUY A NEW PIPE FOR THE ORGAN.
B-FLAT. WE'VE NEVER
HAD THAT BEFORE.
I'M SURE THAT "B" IS A
VERY IMPORTANT FLAT.
AND WE EVEN HAD ENOUGH
LEFT OVER FOR THIS.
WELL, DR. HARTLEY, I GUESS
WE'D BETTER TALK ABOUT IT, HUH?
UH, TALK ABOUT IT?
THE BIBLE. I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE NOT CARRYING
IT AROUND JUST TO
READ IT ON THE TRAIN.
SET IT DOWN HERE.
YEAH, WELL, THANK
YOU. IT IS KINDA HEAVY.
IT'S NO WONDER. THE PSALMS
ALONE WEIGH 15 POUNDS.
- IT'S A HONEY, ISN'T IT?
- YEAH.
I, UH, THUMBED
THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW.
IT SEEMS TO BE IN
VERY GOOD SHAPE.
YOU WANT YOUR MONEY
BACK, DON'T YOU, DR. HARTLEY?
YES... YES, I DO... I... I DID.
WELL, IN A... IN
A WAY I STILL DO.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
IF I WERE MARRIED AND MY WIFE SPENT
$350 FOR A BIBLE, I'D BE MADDER THAN HELL.
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
I HAVEN'T EVEN CASHED
YOUR CHECK YET.
HERE.
I APPRECIATE YOUR NOT
MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY.
I DIDN'T WANNA GO THAT FAR.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
LISTEN, A LOT OF PEOPLE GET CAUGHT
UP WITH A SPIRIT OF GENEROSITY,
AND THEN WHEN THEY REALIZE IT'S GOING TO
COST THEM MONEY THEY HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS.
I'M STARTING TO FEEL
GUILTY ALL OVER AGAIN.
GOOD!
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO
OUT AND GET A CUP OF COFFEE?
OH, I-I'M SORRY... I'LL TREAT.
UH, NO, NO. MAYBE
S-SOME OTHER TIME.
I HAVE A PATIENT DUE AT
11:00. I SHOULD BE BACK.
- WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?
- I'M A PSYCHOLOGIST.
AH, REALLY? I WANTED TO
BE A PSYCHOLOGIST TOO.
AND A FIREMAN AND A DISC
JOCKEY AND A HELICOPTER PILOT.
AND PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
WHAT YOU WOUND UP
DOING IS PRETTY GOOD TOO.
OH, YEAH. YEAH...
OH, YEAH, YEAH! I LOVE IT. I
REALLY DO. MINISTRY IS TERRIFIC.
WE HAVE ONE SHORTCOMING THOUGH.
IT'S THAT CONSTANT
UPHILL BATTLE...
TO RAISE MONEY.
I, UH, I REALLY OUGHT
TO BE GETTING BACK.
UH, EMILY REALLY, UH...
REALLY LIKED THAT BIBLE.
I'LL SELL IT BACK
TO YOU FOR $400.
NO, NO, YOU CAN TAKE THE
BIBLE BACK IF YOU WANT.
THAT'S NOT A BAD INVESTMENT,
AND IT IS TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.
MAYBE I... MAYBE I
S-SHOULD TAKE IT BACK.
REV. BRADFORD? YES?
I'M COMING DOWN. FINE.
I DON'T KNOW, DR. HARTLEY. I'VE
NEVER FELT THIS LOW IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
THE MORE TIME YOU INVEST IN A RELATIONSHIP,
THE WORSE YOU FEEL WHEN IT'S OVER.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND
CYNTHIA BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER?
OVER A WEEK.
WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY ONE OF YOUR
LONGER RELATIONSHIPS, MR. CARLIN.
WE'RE NEVER OUT OF
EACH OTHER'S SIGHT.
FROM THE MINUTE SHE CAME TO WORK
AS MY SECRETARY, WE WERE INSEPARABLE.
WE HAD BREAKFAST, LUNCH
AND DINNER TOGETHER.
WHEN DID YOU FIRST NOTICE THE
RELATIONSHIP WAS STARTING TO DETERIORATE?
WHEN SHE MARRIED MY PARTNER.
THAT...
THAT WOULD DO IT, YEAH.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHEN THEY
HAD TIME TO SEE EACH OTHER.
MAYBE IT WAS SOMEWHERE AFTER
DINNER AND BEFORE BREAKFAST.
YEAH, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
OUR TIME IS UP, MR. CARLIN.
I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE OFFICE. MY
PARTNER'S WIFE GETS REAL MAD WHEN I'M LATE.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY
WITH ME, MR. CARLIN.
I NEED THE KEY. THE KEY.
OH, WE DON'T KEEP
IT LOCKED ANYMORE.
OH. THEN I'M NOT GOING.
EXCUSE ME. IS DR. HARTLEY FREE?
NO, BUT HE'S REASONABLE.
THAT'S JUST A LITTLE, UH,
RECEPTIONIST HUMOR THERE.
- DID YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?
- NO, NO.
- I JUST WANTED TO
DROP IN, SAY HELLO.
- OH. WELL, I'LL JUST BUZZ HIM.
OH, BOB, THERE'S A, UH...
- DAN BRADFORD.
- DAN BRADFORD HERE.
MM-HMM. OKAY.
THANK YOU.
HE'LL BE RIGHT
OUT, MR. BRADFORD.
- DAN.
- CAROL.
EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING THIS, BUT
YOU REALLY HAVE A VERY NICE SMILE.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
YOU HAVE A VERY NICE SMILE.
OH. THANK YOU. I JUST
WANTED TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
WELL, REVEREND
BRADFORD, COME ON IN.
REVEREND? YOU'RE A REVEREND?
- UH-HUH.
- OH. OH. OH.
I'M SORRY, SIR. I'M...
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY...
I'M... REALLY, I'M...
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
I GUESS MOST PEOPLE
DON'T SIT ON THIS COUCH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WOULD YOU, UH, CARE
FOR SOME COFFEE?
- NO, THANKS.
- I'LL TREAT.
MAYBE LATER.
YEAH.
I REALLY ENJOYED MEETING
EMILY THE OTHER DAY.
AND I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED
TALKING TO YOU AT THE CHURCH.
I... I ENJOYED TALKING
TO YOU TOO, REVEREND.
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF
SEEING YOU ON A FULL-TIME BASIS?
WELL, EMILY AND I GET TO
CHURCH AS OFTEN AS WE CAN.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WOULD LIKE TO COME AND SEE YOU
PROFESSIONALLY AS YOUR PATIENT.
YOU SEEM SURPRISED, DR. HARTLEY.
WELL, YOU ARE A... A MINISTER.
WELL, MINISTERS
HAVE PROBLEMS TOO.
WELL, UM, I MEAN, ISN'T THERE...
SOMEONE ELSE YOU
COULD DISCUSS IT WITH?
I JUST FEEL THAT I'D BE,
UH, STEPPING ON TOES.
BIG, BIG TOES.
I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO
GOD ON THIS ONE, DR. HARTLEY.
THAT'S WHY I CAME TO YOU.
BEEN DOING A LOT
OF SOUL SEARCHING,
AND I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
GOING TO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST,
SO AFTER TALKING WITH
YOU IN MY OFFICE, I FELT
I WANTED TO COME TALK
TO YOU IN YOUR OFFICE.
HOW ABOUT YOUR SUPERIORS?
HAVE YOU TALKED TO THEM?
YEAH. THEY SIT THERE AND DO
PUSH-UPS WITH THEIR FINGERS.
KINDA LIKE WHAT
YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW.
UH, HERE'S THE COFFEE, BOB.
EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
EXCUSE ME. UH, THAT'S
A LITTLE HOT, REVEREND.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
AND, UH, BLESS YOU.
UH, REVEREND,
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU, WHAT DO
YOU FEEL IS YOUR PROBLEM?
WELL, YOU'VE JUST SEEN IT.
- YOU MEAN CAROL?
- I MEAN ALL CAROLS.
THE MINUTE THEY FIND OUT I'M A
MINISTER, THEY TURN RIGHT OFF.
AND IT'S NOT JUST THE
WOMEN... IT'S EVERYBODY.
I JUST WISH EVERYBODY
WOULDN'T TREAT ME SO FORMALLY.
WELL, I'M NOT TREATING YOU
FORMALLY, AM I, REVEREND?
YOU SEE? RIGHT THERE.
WE SHOULD BE ON A FIRST-NAME
BASIS, SHOULDN'T WE, DOCTOR?
WHY DON'T WE CALL
EACH OTHER BOB AND DAN.
- FINE.
- I'LL BE DAN.
OKAY. NOW, YOU TAKE
THE FOOTBALL SEASON.
SEE, I WORK SUNDAY. I CAN'T
EVEN GO AND SEE A GAME.
SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS A RABBI.
WHAT ABOUT MONDAY
NIGHT FOOTBALL?
WE HAVE OUR ELDERS
MEETING ON MONDAY NIGHT.
WE HAVE TO GET THEM EARLY IN
THE WEEK WHILE THEY'RE STILL ALERT.
DID YOU SEE LAST TANGO IN PARIS?
- WELL...
- YEAH, I SAW IT TOO.
IT WAS THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE I EVER MADE.
THERE WERE A COUPLE
OF PEOPLE FROM MY
CONGREGATION THERE.
THEY SAW ME AND WALKED OUT.
- MAYBE THEY DIDN'T
LIKE THE MOVIE.
- NO, THEY LIKED THE MOVIE.
THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME LIKING IT.
YOU SEE, THAT'S MY TROUBLE, BOB.
THEY DON'T ALLOW ME TO BE
A PERSON LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
I THINK I'D BE BETTER OFF STARTING
YOU OFF IN A GROUP THERAPY GROUP.
JUST PEOPLE RELATING
TO EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE.
NO BADGES, NO
UNIFORMS, NO COLLARS.
EVERYBODY IS TREATED
EXACTLY LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC, BOB.
HOW MUCH WILL THAT
KIND OF THING COST ME?
FOR YOU, NOTHING.
OH, UH, HOW OFTEN DO WE MEET?
WELL, THE BIGGER THE
PROBLEM, THE MORE SESSIONS.
IN A CASE LIKE YOURS, ONE
SESSION A WEEK WOULD BE ENOUGH.
HEY, BOB, I GOT A COUPLE EXTRA
TICKETS FOR THE BEARS GAME SUNDAY.
CAN YOU USE 'EM?
SORRY, JERRY. I CAN'T.
GEE, THAT'S TOO BAD, BOB.
THESE ARE GREAT SEATS.
HOW ABOUT YOU? I'M TRYING TO UNLOAD
'EM. I'LL GIVE 'EM TO YOU HALF PRICE.
UH, THANKS. I WORK ON SUNDAY.
WHAT ARE YOU, A
MINISTER OR SOMETHIN'?
YES, I AM.
OH! REALLY?
OH, GEE, I'M SORRY.
WELL, IF YOU KNOW ANYBODY WHO YOU
MIGHT, UH... I'LL S-SEE YOU LATER, BOB.
I'M SORRY.
♪♪
HONEY, WHY DO YOU LET
CASABLANCA UPSET YOU SO MUCH?
OH, BOB.
INGRID BERGMAN IS NEVER GONNA
SEE BOGIE AGAIN. JUST NEVER.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. SHE'S GONNA SEE HIM
EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK AFTER THE 10:00 NEWS.
OH, THAT MOVIE JUST EXHAUSTS ME.
ARE YOU ALMOST
FINISHED WITH THOSE BILLS?
I ONLY GOT A COUPLE MORE.
REVEREND BRADFORD. I'M NEVER
QUITE SURE WHAT TO CHARGE HIM.
WELL, HE WANTS TO BE
TREATED LIKE AN ORDINARY
GUY, CHARGE HIM
LIKE AN ORDINARY GUY.
- IT'S JUST KINDA HARD.
- OH, WELL, LET ME MAKE IT
EASY FOR YOU, BOB.
WE OWN A $350 BIBLE.
RIGHT. ORDINARY GUY.
HE IS SUCH A SWEET MAN.
HOW'S HE GETTING
ALONG? JUST GREAT.
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS NOW.
THE GROUP IS STARTING
TO ACCEPT HIM AS A
PERSON, AND HE'S
STARTING TO ACCEPT HIMSELF.
IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE TO SIT
THERE AND WATCH A MAN HEAL.
YOU WANNA FINISH
THE REST OF THESE?
I'M FULL.
BOB AND EMILY, ARE YOU UP?
YEAH. COME ON IN, HOWARD. OH!
OH, I JUST SAW THE MOST
WONDERFUL MOVIE ON TELEVISION.
I HAD TO COME OVER
AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO. WE JUST SAW IT.
OH, GOSH. I MEAN, WASN'T HE
GREAT? WASN'T HE REALLY GREAT?
THERE'S NO ONE
ELSE LIKE HIM. NOBODY.
NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL
HIM THE KING OF COMEDY.
HUMPHREY BOGART WAS
THE KING OF COMEDY?
- NO, HE WASN'T.
- HOWARD, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
A W.C. FIELDS MOVIE.
BOY, HE MAKES ME LAUGH
SO HARD I COULD CRY.
I NEVER THOUGHT HUMPHREY
BOGART WAS FUNNY.
HELLO? OH, HI, DAN.
NO, YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING US. WE'RE
JUST MAKING OUT BILLS AND CRYING.
TOMORROW? A SPECIAL SERMON?
SURE. WE'D BE GLAD TO.
OH, AND I THINK YOU'LL BE VERY
HAPPY WITH THIS MONTH'S BILL.
GOOD-BYE, DAN.
WAS THAT DAN BRADFORD? YEAH.
REVEREND BRADFORD? YEAH.
- WHAT DID HE CALL YOU FOR?
- HE WANTS US TO COME
TO HIS CHURCH TOMORROW.
- HE CALLED YOU PERSONALLY
AND ASKED YOU TO GO TO CHURCH?
- THAT'S RIGHT, HOWARD.
YOU BETTER GO, BOB.
MAYBE HE KNOWS SOMETHING.
BY THE SAME TOKEN, THE
MAN WHO COINED THE PHRASE,
"DON'T CHANGE HORSES IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAM"...
PROBABLY TRIED IT
AND FELL IN THE CREEK.
BUT WE CAN'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE A CHANGE,
EVEN IF IT MEANS GETTING A LITTLE WET.
AND THAT'S THE
PROMISE WE HAVE...
THAT EACH DAY IS A
NEW OPPORTUNITY...
TO MAKE CHANGES IN OUR LIVES.
NOW, WHILE WE'RE ON
THE SUBJECT OF CHANGE,
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
GET RID OF A LITTLE OF YOURS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CUSHION IT
WITH A LITTLE FOLDING MONEY TOO.
♪♪ I REALLY GOT A
LOT OUT OF THAT, BOB.
HE IS TERRIFIC.
HE WAS SO INTERESTING, I
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO DOZE OFF.
HOWARD, ISN'T $10
A LITTLE GENEROUS?
NO, THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT. I'M
FLYING OVER THE ROCKIES TONIGHT.
WE'D BETTER BE
GENEROUS TOO, HONEY.
WE HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR A LOT OF
SUNDAYS. I DON'T CARRY THAT MUCH MONEY.
WE TAKE CHECKS, BOB.
I HAVE A FEW ANNOUNCEMENTS
I'D LIKE TO MAKE THIS MORNING.
TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY THERE
WILL BE A PANCAKE BREAKFAST...
IN THE SOCIAL HALL
RIGHT AFTER THE SERVICE.
THE PROCEEDS WILL BE USED
TO HELP PAY FOR THE BATTER.
THE SENIOR HIGH GROUP WILL
BE HOLDING ANOTHER CAR WASH...
THIS AFTERNOON
FROM 1:00 TO 4:00.
IT'S ONLY A DOLLAR. AND THIS TIME
THEY PROMISE TO ROLL UP YOUR WINDOWS.
FINALLY, I WOULD LIKE TO
EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION...
FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT YOU'VE GIVEN
ME FOR THE THREE YEARS I'VE BEEN HERE.
AND IN CONJUNCTION
WITH THAT, I WOULD LIKE
TO TELL YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT ABOUT A MAN...
WHO IS WITH US TODAY...
I WON'T EMBARRASS HIM BY ASKING
HIM TO STAND UP... HE KNOWS WHO HE IS.
BUT HE'S BEEN MORE
THAN JUST A FRIEND.
HE'S BEEN INSTRUMENTAL IN...
HELPING ME GET IN TOUCH WITH
MY FEELINGS AND NOT COPPING OUT.
BOB, HE'S TALKING
ABOUT YOU. I KNOW.
I WANT TO THANK HIM...
FOR HELPING ME TO REACH
A VERY IMPORTANT DECISION.
SO, FOLLOWING THE CAR WASH
AND THE BAPTISM THIS AFTERNOON,
I'LL BE HANGING UP THE COLLAR.
OH, NO.
I'M LEAVING THE MINISTRY,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
GOD AND DR. ROBERT HARTLEY...
FOR GIVING ME THE
STRENGTH TO DO IT.
WHO IS THIS DR. ROBERT HARTLEY?
BOB, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. WILL
YOU STOP BLAMING YOURSELF.
YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID, RIGHT
THERE IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY.
"DR. ROBERT HARTLEY." AND THEN I
SWORE I HEARD A CLAP OF THUNDER.
BOB, SOMEBODY DROPPED
A COLLECTION PLATE.
BOB, YOU CAN'T FEEL GUILTY...
FOR HELPING A MAN REALIZE HE
WAS IN THE WRONG PROFESSION.
HE QUIT THE MINISTRY.
YOU'RE TREATING THE MINISTRY
AS IF IT'S SOMETHING SACRED.
WELL, I THINK IT IS.
WELL, IT WASN'T RIGHT FOR HIM.
EMILY, SIT UP.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY MY MOTHER
USED TO TAKE ME TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY.
SHE'D DRESS ME UP IN THIS
CUTE LITTLE SAILOR SUIT.
I KNOW, DEAR. SHE'S SAVING IT
FOR US FOR WHEN WE HAVE A SON.
AND I USED TO SIT
IN THIS BIG PEW...
AND STARE UP AT THE PRIEST
TOWERING OVER ME IN THE PULPIT...
AND LISTENING TO HIS DEEP,
RESONANT VOICE BOOMING OUT AT ME.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT HE WAS GOD.
WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.
AND THEN I FOUND OUT LATER THAT
HE'S JUST A 5-FOOT-3-INCH PERSON...
STANDING ON A ORANGE
CRATE USING A MICROPHONE.
THEN ONE SUNDAY, IN
THE MIDDLE OF HIS SERMON,
THE ORANGE CRATE COLLAPSED.
AS HE WAS FALLING THROUGH
IT, HE GRABBED THE MICROPHONE.
HE DISAPPEARED
BEHIND THE LECTERN.
BUT HE STILL KEPT TALKING.
HE NEVER MISSED A
BEAT OF THE SERMON.
AND HE MUST HAVE BEEN THRASHING
BACK THERE FOR... FOR 10 OR 15 MINUTES.
AND WHEN HE FINALLY GOT UP, IT
WAS JUST IN TIME TO SAY "AMEN."
HE DIDN'T GIVE UP, EMILY.
I MEAN, THAT'S... THAT'S, TO ME,
WHAT THE CLERGY IS ALL ABOUT.
I MEAN, YOU... YOU DON'T QUIT,
EVEN IF YOUR
ORANGE CRATE BREAKS.
BOB, A MAN QUIT HIS JOB.
YOU'VE HAD OTHER
PATIENTS QUIT THEIR JOBS.
WHAT ABOUT THAT
MR. KERWIN? HE WAS UNHAPPY
IN HIS WORK, AND YOU
ENCOURAGED HIM TO QUIT.
EMILY, THAT ISN'T THE SAME THING.
MR. KERWIN SLAUGHTERED PIGS.
BUT, BOB, IT IS THE SAME THING.
DAN BRADFORD HAS AS MUCH
RIGHT TO QUIT AS MR. KERWIN.
YOU'VE GOT TO LET HIM GO. YOU HAVE
GOT TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- I REALLY DO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I THINK?
- WHAT?
I THINK I HAVE GOT
TO GET SOME SLEEP.
OKAY. I THINK I CAN
SLEEP NOW TOO.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
SO RIGHT, EMILY.
YOU REALLY... YOU
REALLY UNDERSTAND ME.
OH, THANK YOU, BOB.
I MEAN, HERE I WAS BLAMING MYSELF
FOR SOMETHING I HAD NO CONTROL OVER.
- I MEAN, THAT'S WRONG.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BOB.
B-BECAUSE IT... I-IT
WASN'T MY FAULT.
GOOD NIGHT, BOB.
I MEAN...
IT WAS YOUR FAULT.
IF YOU HADN'T BROUGHT THE BIBLE
HOME, THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
FINE, MRS. JACOBS. 4:00. OKAY.
HI, CAROL. ANY
CALLS? ANY MESSAGES?
UH, NO CALLS, NO
MESSAGES, BUT...
YOU GOT A LETTER FROM DAN
BRADFORD POSTMARKED BANGOR, MAINE.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WENT THERE.
YEAH, THAT'S HIS HOMETOWN. HE
RAN FOR MAYOR, AND HE'S VERY HAPPY.
OH, DAN BRADFORD. A POLITICIAN.
I THOUGHT HE WAS
TOO HONEST FOR THAT.
I DIDN'T SAY HE WON. I
JUST SAID HE WAS HAPPY.
- HI, EMILY. HI, HOWARD.
- HI, BOB.
- HI, DEAR.
YOU'RE HOME ALREADY? I
HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED DINNER.
I CAN GO BACK AND COME IN LATER.
NO! I-I JUST DIDN'T
REALIZE HOW LATE IT WAS.
- WE JUST GOT BACK
FROM THE AUCTION.
- OH, YEAH. HOW WAS IT?
GREAT! I MEAN, FOR THE
CHURCH IT WAS GREAT.
SOME OF US MADE VERY
GENEROUS CONTRIBUTIONS.
SOME, UH... SOME OF US?
YEAH, WELL, UH,
I'LL START DINNER.
ANYWAY, I, UH, GOTTA
GET BACK TO THE CHURCH.
HOWARD, HAVE YOU ALWAYS
BEEN SUCH A BIG CHURCH PERSON?
BOB, WHEN YOU HIT AN
AIR POCKET AT 30,000 FEET,
YOU'VE GOTTA
BELIEVE IN SOMETHING.
SO, THEY HAD A LOT OF
INTERESTING THINGS AT THE AUCTION.
YEAH. REALLY,
REALLY INTERESTING.
WHAT INTERESTING
THING DID YOU BUY?
OH, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, BOB.
WELL, I WANT TO LIKE
IT, EMILY. WH-WHAT IS IT?
GUESS. A STEEPLE.
NO.
HERE IT IS, BOB.
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
A BIBLE? WELL, THAT'S
NO ORDINARY BIBLE, BOB.
THAT'S 400 YEARS OLD.
THAT'S AN ANTIQUE BIBLE.
HOW MUCH IS THAT IN DOLLARS?
WELL, THE PRICE INCLUDES A SOLID OAK
STAND THAT THEY'RE DELIVERING TOMORROW.
EMILY, I'M GONNA
SIT DOWN FOR THIS.
I WANT IT FAST... ONE
QUICK CHOP IN THE THROAT.
THE WHOLE THING... DELIVERY
CHARGE, TAX INCLUDED.
- OH, BOB,
BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- FASTER.
WE HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANYTHING
FOR THE HOUSE IN MONTHS. FASTER.
- $350.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
EMILY, I WANT TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU. I SAID I'D TAKE IT BACK.
EMILY, THERE IS NO WAY I CAN
ASK YOU TO TAKE THAT BACK...
WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A VILLAIN.
I MEAN, ASKING YOU TO TAKE
BACK A BIBLE IS LIKE KICKING A DOG.
LET'S SAY IT'S A...
A CANNONBALL...
AN ANTIQUE CANNONBALL...
AND YOU PAID $350 FOR IT.
NOW, IF I TOLD YOU, "EMILY, THAT'S
TOO MUCH MONEY FOR A CANNONBALL,"
YOU'D TAKE IT BACK, RIGHT?
RIGHT. THEN TAKE
BACK THE CANNONBALL.
YOU KNOW, BOB, I WAS
GONNA TAKE IT BACK.
BUT AFTER THAT DUMB
ARGUMENT, I'M GONNA KEEP IT.
ALL RIGHT, EMILY, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU SAW SOMETHING ON
THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT...
THAT YOU THOUGHT WOULD
LOOK NICE IN OUR HOUSE.
I'M NOT GONNA ASK YOU TO TAKE IT BACK.
I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU ANYMORE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
NOTHING'S COMING OUT, ERNIE!
- HOW'S THAT?
- THERE. NOW IT'S
BLOWING UP A STORM.
THANKS, REVEREND.
COME IN.
UH... UH, REVEREND BRADFORD?
RIGHT. I'M BOB HARTLEY.
HARTLEY? DR. HARTLEY,
EMILY'S HUSBAND.
THAT'S RIGHT. I REALLY
WANT TO THANK YOU.
YOUR WIFE REALLY MADE THAT
AUCTION A GREAT SUCCESS.
I'M SURE SHE HAD A PART IN IT.
WE MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO
SEND THE POOR KIDS TO CAMP,
SET UP A SOUP KITCHEN FOR
SOME OF THE GUYS ON SKID ROW,
BUY A NEW PIPE FOR THE ORGAN.
B-FLAT. WE'VE NEVER
HAD THAT BEFORE.
I'M SURE THAT "B" IS A
VERY IMPORTANT FLAT.
AND WE EVEN HAD ENOUGH
LEFT OVER FOR THIS.
WELL, DR. HARTLEY, I GUESS
WE'D BETTER TALK ABOUT IT, HUH?
UH, TALK ABOUT IT?
THE BIBLE. I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE NOT CARRYING
IT AROUND JUST TO
READ IT ON THE TRAIN.
SET IT DOWN HERE.
YEAH, WELL, THANK
YOU. IT IS KINDA HEAVY.
IT'S NO WONDER. THE PSALMS
ALONE WEIGH 15 POUNDS.
- IT'S A HONEY, ISN'T IT?
- YEAH.
I, UH, THUMBED
THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW.
IT SEEMS TO BE IN
VERY GOOD SHAPE.
YOU WANT YOUR MONEY
BACK, DON'T YOU, DR. HARTLEY?
YES... YES, I DO... I... I DID.
WELL, IN A... IN
A WAY I STILL DO.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
IF I WERE MARRIED AND MY WIFE SPENT
$350 FOR A BIBLE, I'D BE MADDER THAN HELL.
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
I HAVEN'T EVEN CASHED
YOUR CHECK YET.
HERE.
I APPRECIATE YOUR NOT
MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY.
I DIDN'T WANNA GO THAT FAR.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
LISTEN, A LOT OF PEOPLE GET CAUGHT
UP WITH A SPIRIT OF GENEROSITY,
AND THEN WHEN THEY REALIZE IT'S GOING TO
COST THEM MONEY THEY HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS.
I'M STARTING TO FEEL
GUILTY ALL OVER AGAIN.
GOOD!
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO
OUT AND GET A CUP OF COFFEE?
OH, I-I'M SORRY... I'LL TREAT.
UH, NO, NO. MAYBE
S-SOME OTHER TIME.
I HAVE A PATIENT DUE AT
11:00. I SHOULD BE BACK.
- WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?
- I'M A PSYCHOLOGIST.
AH, REALLY? I WANTED TO
BE A PSYCHOLOGIST TOO.
AND A FIREMAN AND A DISC
JOCKEY AND A HELICOPTER PILOT.
AND PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
WHAT YOU WOUND UP
DOING IS PRETTY GOOD TOO.
OH, YEAH. YEAH...
OH, YEAH, YEAH! I LOVE IT. I
REALLY DO. MINISTRY IS TERRIFIC.
WE HAVE ONE SHORTCOMING THOUGH.
IT'S THAT CONSTANT
UPHILL BATTLE...
TO RAISE MONEY.
I, UH, I REALLY OUGHT
TO BE GETTING BACK.
UH, EMILY REALLY, UH...
REALLY LIKED THAT BIBLE.
I'LL SELL IT BACK
TO YOU FOR $400.
NO, NO, YOU CAN TAKE THE
BIBLE BACK IF YOU WANT.
THAT'S NOT A BAD INVESTMENT,
AND IT IS TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.
MAYBE I... MAYBE I
S-SHOULD TAKE IT BACK.
REV. BRADFORD? YES?
I'M COMING DOWN. FINE.
I DON'T KNOW, DR. HARTLEY. I'VE
NEVER FELT THIS LOW IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
THE MORE TIME YOU INVEST IN A RELATIONSHIP,
THE WORSE YOU FEEL WHEN IT'S OVER.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND
CYNTHIA BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER?
OVER A WEEK.
WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY ONE OF YOUR
LONGER RELATIONSHIPS, MR. CARLIN.
WE'RE NEVER OUT OF
EACH OTHER'S SIGHT.
FROM THE MINUTE SHE CAME TO WORK
AS MY SECRETARY, WE WERE INSEPARABLE.
WE HAD BREAKFAST, LUNCH
AND DINNER TOGETHER.
WHEN DID YOU FIRST NOTICE THE
RELATIONSHIP WAS STARTING TO DETERIORATE?
WHEN SHE MARRIED MY PARTNER.
THAT...
THAT WOULD DO IT, YEAH.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHEN THEY
HAD TIME TO SEE EACH OTHER.
MAYBE IT WAS SOMEWHERE AFTER
DINNER AND BEFORE BREAKFAST.
YEAH, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
OUR TIME IS UP, MR. CARLIN.
I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE OFFICE. MY
PARTNER'S WIFE GETS REAL MAD WHEN I'M LATE.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY
WITH ME, MR. CARLIN.
I NEED THE KEY. THE KEY.
OH, WE DON'T KEEP
IT LOCKED ANYMORE.
OH. THEN I'M NOT GOING.
EXCUSE ME. IS DR. HARTLEY FREE?
NO, BUT HE'S REASONABLE.
THAT'S JUST A LITTLE, UH,
RECEPTIONIST HUMOR THERE.
- DID YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?
- NO, NO.
- I JUST WANTED TO
DROP IN, SAY HELLO.
- OH. WELL, I'LL JUST BUZZ HIM.
OH, BOB, THERE'S A, UH...
- DAN BRADFORD.
- DAN BRADFORD HERE.
MM-HMM. OKAY.
THANK YOU.
HE'LL BE RIGHT
OUT, MR. BRADFORD.
- DAN.
- CAROL.
EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING THIS, BUT
YOU REALLY HAVE A VERY NICE SMILE.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
YOU HAVE A VERY NICE SMILE.
OH. THANK YOU. I JUST
WANTED TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
WELL, REVEREND
BRADFORD, COME ON IN.
REVEREND? YOU'RE A REVEREND?
- UH-HUH.
- OH. OH. OH.
I'M SORRY, SIR. I'M...
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY...
I'M... REALLY, I'M...
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
I GUESS MOST PEOPLE
DON'T SIT ON THIS COUCH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WOULD YOU, UH, CARE
FOR SOME COFFEE?
- NO, THANKS.
- I'LL TREAT.
MAYBE LATER.
YEAH.
I REALLY ENJOYED MEETING
EMILY THE OTHER DAY.
AND I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED
TALKING TO YOU AT THE CHURCH.
I... I ENJOYED TALKING
TO YOU TOO, REVEREND.
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF
SEEING YOU ON A FULL-TIME BASIS?
WELL, EMILY AND I GET TO
CHURCH AS OFTEN AS WE CAN.
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WOULD LIKE TO COME AND SEE YOU
PROFESSIONALLY AS YOUR PATIENT.
YOU SEEM SURPRISED, DR. HARTLEY.
WELL, YOU ARE A... A MINISTER.
WELL, MINISTERS
HAVE PROBLEMS TOO.
WELL, UM, I MEAN, ISN'T THERE...
SOMEONE ELSE YOU
COULD DISCUSS IT WITH?
I JUST FEEL THAT I'D BE,
UH, STEPPING ON TOES.
BIG, BIG TOES.
I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO
GOD ON THIS ONE, DR. HARTLEY.
THAT'S WHY I CAME TO YOU.
BEEN DOING A LOT
OF SOUL SEARCHING,
AND I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
GOING TO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST,
SO AFTER TALKING WITH
YOU IN MY OFFICE, I FELT
I WANTED TO COME TALK
TO YOU IN YOUR OFFICE.
HOW ABOUT YOUR SUPERIORS?
HAVE YOU TALKED TO THEM?
YEAH. THEY SIT THERE AND DO
PUSH-UPS WITH THEIR FINGERS.
KINDA LIKE WHAT
YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW.
UH, HERE'S THE COFFEE, BOB.
EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
EXCUSE ME. UH, THAT'S
A LITTLE HOT, REVEREND.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
AND, UH, BLESS YOU.
UH, REVEREND,
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU, WHAT DO
YOU FEEL IS YOUR PROBLEM?
WELL, YOU'VE JUST SEEN IT.
- YOU MEAN CAROL?
- I MEAN ALL CAROLS.
THE MINUTE THEY FIND OUT I'M A
MINISTER, THEY TURN RIGHT OFF.
AND IT'S NOT JUST THE
WOMEN... IT'S EVERYBODY.
I JUST WISH EVERYBODY
WOULDN'T TREAT ME SO FORMALLY.
WELL, I'M NOT TREATING YOU
FORMALLY, AM I, REVEREND?
YOU SEE? RIGHT THERE.
WE SHOULD BE ON A FIRST-NAME
BASIS, SHOULDN'T WE, DOCTOR?
WHY DON'T WE CALL
EACH OTHER BOB AND DAN.
- FINE.
- I'LL BE DAN.
OKAY. NOW, YOU TAKE
THE FOOTBALL SEASON.
SEE, I WORK SUNDAY. I CAN'T
EVEN GO AND SEE A GAME.
SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS A RABBI.
WHAT ABOUT MONDAY
NIGHT FOOTBALL?
WE HAVE OUR ELDERS
MEETING ON MONDAY NIGHT.
WE HAVE TO GET THEM EARLY IN
THE WEEK WHILE THEY'RE STILL ALERT.
DID YOU SEE LAST TANGO IN PARIS?
- WELL...
- YEAH, I SAW IT TOO.
IT WAS THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE I EVER MADE.
THERE WERE A COUPLE
OF PEOPLE FROM MY
CONGREGATION THERE.
THEY SAW ME AND WALKED OUT.
- MAYBE THEY DIDN'T
LIKE THE MOVIE.
- NO, THEY LIKED THE MOVIE.
THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME LIKING IT.
YOU SEE, THAT'S MY TROUBLE, BOB.
THEY DON'T ALLOW ME TO BE
A PERSON LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
I THINK I'D BE BETTER OFF STARTING
YOU OFF IN A GROUP THERAPY GROUP.
JUST PEOPLE RELATING
TO EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE.
NO BADGES, NO
UNIFORMS, NO COLLARS.
EVERYBODY IS TREATED
EXACTLY LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC, BOB.
HOW MUCH WILL THAT
KIND OF THING COST ME?
FOR YOU, NOTHING.
OH, UH, HOW OFTEN DO WE MEET?
WELL, THE BIGGER THE
PROBLEM, THE MORE SESSIONS.
IN A CASE LIKE YOURS, ONE
SESSION A WEEK WOULD BE ENOUGH.
HEY, BOB, I GOT A COUPLE EXTRA
TICKETS FOR THE BEARS GAME SUNDAY.
CAN YOU USE 'EM?
SORRY, JERRY. I CAN'T.
GEE, THAT'S TOO BAD, BOB.
THESE ARE GREAT SEATS.
HOW ABOUT YOU? I'M TRYING TO UNLOAD
'EM. I'LL GIVE 'EM TO YOU HALF PRICE.
UH, THANKS. I WORK ON SUNDAY.
WHAT ARE YOU, A
MINISTER OR SOMETHIN'?
YES, I AM.
OH! REALLY?
OH, GEE, I'M SORRY.
WELL, IF YOU KNOW ANYBODY WHO YOU
MIGHT, UH... I'LL S-SEE YOU LATER, BOB.
I'M SORRY.
♪♪
HONEY, WHY DO YOU LET
CASABLANCA UPSET YOU SO MUCH?
OH, BOB.
INGRID BERGMAN IS NEVER GONNA
SEE BOGIE AGAIN. JUST NEVER.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. SHE'S GONNA SEE HIM
EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK AFTER THE 10:00 NEWS.
OH, THAT MOVIE JUST EXHAUSTS ME.
ARE YOU ALMOST
FINISHED WITH THOSE BILLS?
I ONLY GOT A COUPLE MORE.
REVEREND BRADFORD. I'M NEVER
QUITE SURE WHAT TO CHARGE HIM.
WELL, HE WANTS TO BE
TREATED LIKE AN ORDINARY
GUY, CHARGE HIM
LIKE AN ORDINARY GUY.
- IT'S JUST KINDA HARD.
- OH, WELL, LET ME MAKE IT
EASY FOR YOU, BOB.
WE OWN A $350 BIBLE.
RIGHT. ORDINARY GUY.
HE IS SUCH A SWEET MAN.
HOW'S HE GETTING
ALONG? JUST GREAT.
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS NOW.
THE GROUP IS STARTING
TO ACCEPT HIM AS A
PERSON, AND HE'S
STARTING TO ACCEPT HIMSELF.
IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE TO SIT
THERE AND WATCH A MAN HEAL.
YOU WANNA FINISH
THE REST OF THESE?
I'M FULL.
BOB AND EMILY, ARE YOU UP?
YEAH. COME ON IN, HOWARD. OH!
OH, I JUST SAW THE MOST
WONDERFUL MOVIE ON TELEVISION.
I HAD TO COME OVER
AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO. WE JUST SAW IT.
OH, GOSH. I MEAN, WASN'T HE
GREAT? WASN'T HE REALLY GREAT?
THERE'S NO ONE
ELSE LIKE HIM. NOBODY.
NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL
HIM THE KING OF COMEDY.
HUMPHREY BOGART WAS
THE KING OF COMEDY?
- NO, HE WASN'T.
- HOWARD, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
A W.C. FIELDS MOVIE.
BOY, HE MAKES ME LAUGH
SO HARD I COULD CRY.
I NEVER THOUGHT HUMPHREY
BOGART WAS FUNNY.
HELLO? OH, HI, DAN.
NO, YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING US. WE'RE
JUST MAKING OUT BILLS AND CRYING.
TOMORROW? A SPECIAL SERMON?
SURE. WE'D BE GLAD TO.
OH, AND I THINK YOU'LL BE VERY
HAPPY WITH THIS MONTH'S BILL.
GOOD-BYE, DAN.
WAS THAT DAN BRADFORD? YEAH.
REVEREND BRADFORD? YEAH.
- WHAT DID HE CALL YOU FOR?
- HE WANTS US TO COME
TO HIS CHURCH TOMORROW.
- HE CALLED YOU PERSONALLY
AND ASKED YOU TO GO TO CHURCH?
- THAT'S RIGHT, HOWARD.
YOU BETTER GO, BOB.
MAYBE HE KNOWS SOMETHING.
BY THE SAME TOKEN, THE
MAN WHO COINED THE PHRASE,
"DON'T CHANGE HORSES IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAM"...
PROBABLY TRIED IT
AND FELL IN THE CREEK.
BUT WE CAN'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE A CHANGE,
EVEN IF IT MEANS GETTING A LITTLE WET.
AND THAT'S THE
PROMISE WE HAVE...
THAT EACH DAY IS A
NEW OPPORTUNITY...
TO MAKE CHANGES IN OUR LIVES.
NOW, WHILE WE'RE ON
THE SUBJECT OF CHANGE,
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
GET RID OF A LITTLE OF YOURS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CUSHION IT
WITH A LITTLE FOLDING MONEY TOO.
♪♪ I REALLY GOT A
LOT OUT OF THAT, BOB.
HE IS TERRIFIC.
HE WAS SO INTERESTING, I
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO DOZE OFF.
HOWARD, ISN'T $10
A LITTLE GENEROUS?
NO, THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT. I'M
FLYING OVER THE ROCKIES TONIGHT.
WE'D BETTER BE
GENEROUS TOO, HONEY.
WE HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR A LOT OF
SUNDAYS. I DON'T CARRY THAT MUCH MONEY.
WE TAKE CHECKS, BOB.
I HAVE A FEW ANNOUNCEMENTS
I'D LIKE TO MAKE THIS MORNING.
TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY THERE
WILL BE A PANCAKE BREAKFAST...
IN THE SOCIAL HALL
RIGHT AFTER THE SERVICE.
THE PROCEEDS WILL BE USED
TO HELP PAY FOR THE BATTER.
THE SENIOR HIGH GROUP WILL
BE HOLDING ANOTHER CAR WASH...
THIS AFTERNOON
FROM 1:00 TO 4:00.
IT'S ONLY A DOLLAR. AND THIS TIME
THEY PROMISE TO ROLL UP YOUR WINDOWS.
FINALLY, I WOULD LIKE TO
EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION...
FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT YOU'VE GIVEN
ME FOR THE THREE YEARS I'VE BEEN HERE.
AND IN CONJUNCTION
WITH THAT, I WOULD LIKE
TO TELL YOU JUST A
LITTLE BIT ABOUT A MAN...
WHO IS WITH US TODAY...
I WON'T EMBARRASS HIM BY ASKING
HIM TO STAND UP... HE KNOWS WHO HE IS.
BUT HE'S BEEN MORE
THAN JUST A FRIEND.
HE'S BEEN INSTRUMENTAL IN...
HELPING ME GET IN TOUCH WITH
MY FEELINGS AND NOT COPPING OUT.
BOB, HE'S TALKING
ABOUT YOU. I KNOW.
I WANT TO THANK HIM...
FOR HELPING ME TO REACH
A VERY IMPORTANT DECISION.
SO, FOLLOWING THE CAR WASH
AND THE BAPTISM THIS AFTERNOON,
I'LL BE HANGING UP THE COLLAR.
OH, NO.
I'M LEAVING THE MINISTRY,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
GOD AND DR. ROBERT HARTLEY...
FOR GIVING ME THE
STRENGTH TO DO IT.
WHO IS THIS DR. ROBERT HARTLEY?
BOB, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. WILL
YOU STOP BLAMING YOURSELF.
YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID, RIGHT
THERE IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY.
"DR. ROBERT HARTLEY." AND THEN I
SWORE I HEARD A CLAP OF THUNDER.
BOB, SOMEBODY DROPPED
A COLLECTION PLATE.
BOB, YOU CAN'T FEEL GUILTY...
FOR HELPING A MAN REALIZE HE
WAS IN THE WRONG PROFESSION.
HE QUIT THE MINISTRY.
YOU'RE TREATING THE MINISTRY
AS IF IT'S SOMETHING SACRED.
WELL, I THINK IT IS.
WELL, IT WASN'T RIGHT FOR HIM.
EMILY, SIT UP.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY MY MOTHER
USED TO TAKE ME TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY.
SHE'D DRESS ME UP IN THIS
CUTE LITTLE SAILOR SUIT.
I KNOW, DEAR. SHE'S SAVING IT
FOR US FOR WHEN WE HAVE A SON.
AND I USED TO SIT
IN THIS BIG PEW...
AND STARE UP AT THE PRIEST
TOWERING OVER ME IN THE PULPIT...
AND LISTENING TO HIS DEEP,
RESONANT VOICE BOOMING OUT AT ME.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT HE WAS GOD.
WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.
AND THEN I FOUND OUT LATER THAT
HE'S JUST A 5-FOOT-3-INCH PERSON...
STANDING ON A ORANGE
CRATE USING A MICROPHONE.
THEN ONE SUNDAY, IN
THE MIDDLE OF HIS SERMON,
THE ORANGE CRATE COLLAPSED.
AS HE WAS FALLING THROUGH
IT, HE GRABBED THE MICROPHONE.
HE DISAPPEARED
BEHIND THE LECTERN.
BUT HE STILL KEPT TALKING.
HE NEVER MISSED A
BEAT OF THE SERMON.
AND HE MUST HAVE BEEN THRASHING
BACK THERE FOR... FOR 10 OR 15 MINUTES.
AND WHEN HE FINALLY GOT UP, IT
WAS JUST IN TIME TO SAY "AMEN."
HE DIDN'T GIVE UP, EMILY.
I MEAN, THAT'S... THAT'S, TO ME,
WHAT THE CLERGY IS ALL ABOUT.
I MEAN, YOU... YOU DON'T QUIT,
EVEN IF YOUR
ORANGE CRATE BREAKS.
BOB, A MAN QUIT HIS JOB.
YOU'VE HAD OTHER
PATIENTS QUIT THEIR JOBS.
WHAT ABOUT THAT
MR. KERWIN? HE WAS UNHAPPY
IN HIS WORK, AND YOU
ENCOURAGED HIM TO QUIT.
EMILY, THAT ISN'T THE SAME THING.
MR. KERWIN SLAUGHTERED PIGS.
BUT, BOB, IT IS THE SAME THING.
DAN BRADFORD HAS AS MUCH
RIGHT TO QUIT AS MR. KERWIN.
YOU'VE GOT TO LET HIM GO. YOU HAVE
GOT TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- I REALLY DO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I THINK?
- WHAT?
I THINK I HAVE GOT
TO GET SOME SLEEP.
OKAY. I THINK I CAN
SLEEP NOW TOO.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
SO RIGHT, EMILY.
YOU REALLY... YOU
REALLY UNDERSTAND ME.
OH, THANK YOU, BOB.
I MEAN, HERE I WAS BLAMING MYSELF
FOR SOMETHING I HAD NO CONTROL OVER.
- I MEAN, THAT'S WRONG.
- THAT'S RIGHT, BOB.
B-BECAUSE IT... I-IT
WASN'T MY FAULT.
GOOD NIGHT, BOB.
I MEAN...
IT WAS YOUR FAULT.
IF YOU HADN'T BROUGHT THE BIBLE
HOME, THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
FINE, MRS. JACOBS. 4:00. OKAY.
HI, CAROL. ANY
CALLS? ANY MESSAGES?
UH, NO CALLS, NO
MESSAGES, BUT...
YOU GOT A LETTER FROM DAN
BRADFORD POSTMARKED BANGOR, MAINE.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WENT THERE.
YEAH, THAT'S HIS HOMETOWN. HE
RAN FOR MAYOR, AND HE'S VERY HAPPY.
OH, DAN BRADFORD. A POLITICIAN.
I THOUGHT HE WAS
TOO HONEST FOR THAT.
I DIDN'T SAY HE WON. I
JUST SAID HE WAS HAPPY.