The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 5 - The Focus Attenuation - full transcript
The girls head to Las Vegas, while the guys try to invent something cool, but only come up with new ways to procrastinate.
Hey, I read
that someone invented a way
to convert your footsteps
into electromagnetic energy
so you can charge
your cell phone while walking.
We had that idea years ago.
How come we never
did anything with it?
Probably because we left the
diagram of it in the restaurant,
and none of us
wanted to walk back.
I know the real reason you never
made progress with that idea.
You thought of it
September 22, 2007.
Two days later, Penny moved in,
and so much blood rushed
to your genitals,
your brain became a ghost town.
That's not what happened.
I remember it distinctly
because I had just
composed my annual poem
commemorating the anniversary
of Dr. Seuss's death.
No one wants
to hear it.
Why, die.
Why did he die?
Old, told.
I was told he was old.
Penny is not the reason
I didn't pursue that idea.
Oh, really?
Since meeting her,
what have been
your greatest accomplishments?
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Easy.
Sleeping with Penny.
Getting Penny to go back out
with him after she dumped him.
Tricking Penny
into getting engaged.
And a few weeks ago,
he almost did a pull-up.
I think
someone owes me an apology.
Well, don't feel bad.
I think we've all
been distracted
since the girls
entered our lives.
You admit Amy's a distraction?
Oh, very much so.
Listen to this.
This is from two days ago.
“Hi. Hope you're having
a good day.”
Who has time
for this constant sexting?
Well, maybe
we have lost our focus.
It wouldn't kill us to get
together and brainstorm ideas.
Ooh, we could have one
of those retreats.
Like our own science retreat.
My cousin has a cabin
out in the woods.
I'm not going to a
cabin in the woods.
Did you see the movie
Cabin in the Woods?
Then we'll go to a hotel.
A hotel?
Did you see The Shining?
KOOTHRAPPALI:
We could go up
to Big Bear
and get a house on the lake.
Did you see
The Lake House?
Nothing bad happens
in The Lake House.
Yeah, well, no,
not to them. To me.
Time traveling mailbox.
The only time that traveled
was an hour and half
of my life down the toilet.
Fine. Then we'll just stay here
and do it.
Well, you didn't suggest
a beach house.
You would go to a beach house?
Well, good Lord, no--
have you seen Jaws?
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x05 ♪
The Focus Attenuation
Original Air Date on October 13, 20
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Hey.
Hey.
So, the guys and
I are talking
about having kind of a
science retreat this weekend.
I just wanted to
know if that's okay.
You and I had talked about
going to brunch on Sunday...
Want to go to Vegas
this weekend?
Of course I do.
Bernadette?
Girl's weekend.
Vegas. You in?
Hell, yeah!
Yes!
I'll check flights.
I'll check hotels.
I'll check my underpants.
I'm so excited, I think I peed.
They seem okay with it.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. I didn't think you'd make it.
Why not?
Well, 'cause you have
a steady girlfriend now,
and we assumed
you'd have to stay home to lower
the food down to her in the pit.
(laughs)
For your information,
Emily is working tonight.
Yeah, one would assume,
on getting out of the pit.
Okay, let's focus.
The girls are gone,
we have 48 hours.
There are no distractions.
Let's change the world.
Thinking caps on.
Here we go.
Ooh, this is exciting.
We're innovating.
I feel like
we're in the Facebook movie.
Oh. I never saw that.
Yeah. Really?
KOOTHRAPPALI: Oh.
It's wonderful, and I swear
I'm not saying that
because Justin Timberlake
is in it.
Yeah, I have it on Blu-ray.
We should watch it.
Cool. I'll make the popcorn.
Guys...
in 30 seconds, we went from
“Let's change the world”
to “Let's watch TV.”
I'm sorry. Is that a “no”?
WOLOWITZ:
Okay. No.
Leonard's right.
We're here to focus.
Didn't we used
to have a list of all our ideas?
I-I think I still have it.
I did not get a clear answer.
I'm gonna set this down now.
Ah, here it is.
(laughs)
Whoa.
I haven't looked
at these in years.
“Robot girlfriend.”
Mm, that was mine.
“Robot prostitute.”
Also mine.
SHELDON:
Wait. I'm confused.
Why would you need
both a robot girlfriend
and a robot prostitute?
There's just some things
you don't do
with your robot girlfriend.
Boy, when you met Bernadette,
the field of robotics
really took a hit.
Okay, let's just skip
all the inventions
you can have sex with.
All right, no-- here we go:
“Ergonomic heated seat cushion”"
No, it vibrates.
Keep going.
You know, let's just come up
with something new.
SHELDON:
You know,
a number of significant
innovations have been inspired
by science fiction.
The-the geosynchronous satellite
from Arthur C. Clarke.
The Motorola flip phone--
that came from Star Trek.
Yeah, and I've long suspected
that the idea
of an African-American president
was stolen
from the movie Deep Impact.
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Hey,
the future they show
in Back to the Future II
is only a year away.
A lot of the things in that
movie haven't been invented yet.
How cool would that be
if we could make
one of those a reality?
If we could figure out
the scientific basis
for Marty's hover board,
that would have
universal application.
Well, it's-it's possible
at absolute zero,
but we would
have to remove
the temperature restrictions.
Oh, I have an idea.
I think I have the same one.
We got to watch
Back to the Future II!
I'll make the popcorn.
So, where should
we go first?
Ooh.
There's a cover band
in the lounge.
Nah.
But they play Barry Manilow.
No.
But they're called “Fairly Manilow”"
Oh. Okay.
Great!
No!
Well, what do you want
to do?
Well, we're in Vegas.
I want to go downstairs,
get a bucket of margaritas,
dance until I vomit
all over a roulette wheel
and watch it go everywhere.
What if we don't want to vomit?
Oh, you will. That's why
they give you the bucket.
Uh-oh.
What?
It's my boss.
They moved my field ride
up to Monday.
What does that mean?
It means instead
of having a week to study,
I only have two days.
That sucks.
Can you start
in the morning?
Uh, it's kind of a lot.
You know,
let me do a little tonight,
and I'll catch up
with you guys later.
You sure?
Yeah, it's okay. Go ahead.
So, um, now that
Penny's not coming...
We're not seeing Fairly Manilow.
Okay.
(dramatic movie music
plays on TV)
Hold on. Pause.
Something doesn't make sense.
Look...
In 2015, Biff steals
the sports almanac
and takes the time machine
back to 1955, to give it
to his younger self.
But as soon as he does that,
he changes the future,
so the 2015 he
returns to would be
a different 2015, not the 2015
that Marty and Doc were in.
This is Hot Tub Time Machine
all over again.
If future Biff
goes back to 2015
right after he gives
young Biff the almanac,
he could get back to the 2015
with Marty and Doc in it.
Because it wasn't until
his 21st birthday
that 1955 Biff
placed his first bet.
SHELDON:
Wait. Whoa, whoa.
Is “placed” right?
What do you mean?
Is “placed” the right tense
for something that would have
happened in the future
of a past that was affected
by something from the future?
Had will have placed?
That's my boy.
Okay, so, it wasn't until
his 21st birthday
that Biff had will have
placed his first bet
and made his millions.
That's when
he altered the timeline.
Yeah, but he had will
haven't placed it!
What?!
Unlike Hot Tub Time Machine,
this couldn't be more simple.
When Biff gets the almanac
in 1955,
the alternate future
he creates isn't the one
in which Marty and Doc Brown
ever use the time machine
to travel to 2015.
Therefore,
in the new timeline,
Marty and Doc never brought
the time machine...
W-Wait.
Is “brought” right?
Marty and Doc never
had have had brought?
I don't know.
You did it to me.
Oh, I'm going with it.
Marty and Doc never
had have had brought
the time machine to 2015.
That means 2015 Biff could also
not had have had brought
the almanac to 1955 Biff.
Therefore, the timeline in which
1955 Biff gets the almanac
is also the timeline
in which 1955 Biff
never gets the almanac.
And not just “never gets.”
Never have, never hasn't,
never had have hasn't.
He's right.
Also, what kind of name is Biff?
Sounds like when you pop open
a can of Pillsbury dough.
Biff.
Oh, that stuff is so good
wrapped around cocktail weenies.
Guys...
Do you know that
the word “wiener”
comes from the German name
of the Austrian capital
Vienna, or “Wien”?
Do you know if you look
at Austria on a map
it actually looks like a wiener?
Guys, what are
we doing?
W-We sent the girls away
so we could focus.
I don't think it worked.
(lively dance music playing)
Maybe after this, you'll be
in the mood for some Manilow.
I think after this,
I'll be dead.
Look at us out,
while Penny's in
the room studying.
I'm proud of her.
This is a great opportunity.
It's nice to see her take it
seriously.
It is.
But enough about Penny.
Let's talk about us.
We're looking good.
We are... (giggles)
Better than good.
I mean, look at you.
Your body's bangin'!
Amy!
Don't “Amy” me.
We're always talking
about how hot Penny is.
Come on-- scientist
to scientist,
how big are those
Hadron Colliders?
You're embarrassing me.
Oh, don't be embarrassed.
I'll show you the divot
in my spine.
What?
No, no, it's okay.
I was born with it.
If you put a double-A
battery in there,
it makes my leg kick.
All right.
Oh, this is already better.
There are
far fewer distractions in here.
Plus, this is where our minds
are conditioned
to focus on work.
So, I've been thinking
about the hover boards,
and maybe there's a way
we could use Maglev technology.
Or if we could figure out a
way to supercool the materials,
we could utilize
quantum coupling.
Well, I wonder
if anyone's tried that.
Go online and look it up.
Oh, I can't argue with him.
It's right there on the screen.
Austria does look like a wiener.
That's nothing, dude.
Go check out
how hung Florida is.
(laughing)
I'm sure Mrs. Florida's
walking funny.
Can we get back to work?
Yeah... he's right.
Oh, here's a thought.
What if we use some form of
operant conditioning techniques
to keep us from
getting off topic?
Like behavior modification?
Yeah, exactly.
Did you know
those techniques were used
to actually teach pigeons
to play ping-pong?
That cannot be true.
(ping-pong ball bouncing)
Hey, it was match point.
Some psychologists
perform operant conditioning
with punishment.
Maybe we can come up
with a punishment
for straying off topic.
Not getting to see who wins at
pigeon ping-pong comes to mind.
We could snap a rubber
band on our wrists
every time we
get sidetracked.
Mmm, not bad.
You know, in medieval times,
idle chatter was punished
with a device called
the scold's bridle.
It's an iron cage
that's locked around the head
and pierces the tongue.
If only we had one.
Oh! I'll check Amazon.
(knocking on door)
BERNADETTE:
Housekeeping!
AMY:
We had a complaint
about somebody pooping
on a party in there!
It was us the whole time!
Why'd you tell her?
It was working.
Was it working?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You guys look
like you're having fun.
We're having
the best time.
Guess who won $100
playing craps.
That's a dollar.
Then guess who wildly overtipped
a cocktail waitress.
Hey, Penny... hey, let's go.
We found a place that has
Australian male strippers.
We want to see
if they twirl their junk
in the other direction.
That sounds so great.
But I have
a little more studying to do.
(sighs) Can you
believe this nerd?
Come on, do you want to
sit here being a loser,
or do you want to watch me climb
into an Australian man's
G-string
like a baby kangaroo?
All right, guys, look,
I would love to go out,
but I've got
to get this done, okay?
So have fun at the club.
And if you get
in trouble, find a policeman.
And if he's taking off
his pants,
he is not a real policeman.
Okay, okay, this is obviously
very important to her.
Let's just, we'll help her study
so she can get done quicker.
Here...
here, I'm gonna quiz you.
I'm gonna quiz you.
I got your notes!
I got your notes!
I got your notes!
If you want these,
they're gonna be
at the strip club!
Aren't you gonna chase her?
To the walk-in closet? Sure.
Okay, so we agree,
whenever someone
takes us off topic
they get their arm
hair yanked off.
And I really
can't let that happen
or the girl who does
my eyebrows will think
I've been cheating on her.
All right, now, one benefit
of quantum coupling...
Wait, no, question:
who decides if someone's
gone off topic?
I think it'll be pretty clear.
If not, we'll take a vote.
Oh, and also...
Ow!
W-We didn't vote!
We didn't have to--
that was clearly a tangent.
Now come on.
Back to work.
If we're leaning towards
quantum coupling...
Aah! Why?
You said
“quantum coupling.”
That made me think
of the show Quantum Leap.
That's a tangent
and it's your fault.
That's ridiculous.
Sheldon, I vote that
is not a tangent.
Thank you.
And now I owe you one.
Ow!
That was your fault.
Hey!
Ooh, that is a lot of hair.
Ow!
And now I'm gonna hear it
from Jenny.
(stammers)
Everyone stop.
This was a stupid idea.
Negative reinforcement
isn't working.
I think you mean
positive punishment.
Negative reinforcement is the
removal of a positive stimulus.
It's a common mistake.
Negative reinforcement
is really wrong?
Oh, it's used incorrectly
all the time.
Even Bill Murray
makes that mistake
in the first scene
of Ghostbusters.
No way. Not Bill Murray.
I'm studying the effect
of negative reinforcement
on ESP ability.
Huh.
Bill Murray did get it wrong.
Jump ahead to the Stay Puft
Marshmallow Man.
No!
(Sheldon stammers)
Leonard's right.
We can't just jump ahead.
We have to watch the whole movie.
Look.
We keep procrastinating.
We saw Back to the Future II,
pigeons playing
ping-pong,
a bunch of countries
that look like genitals
and one guy whose genitals
look like Denmark!
Yeah, sorry for
clicking on that.
It's late.
We've wasted hours.
Can we please find it
in ourselves
to do any amount of work
tonight?
But we didn't see them bust
one ghost.
So y-you're saying
we should stand here
in my lab on a
Saturday night
and watch the rest
of Ghostbusters
on a crappy laptop?
No.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
It really does hold up.
(dance music blaring,
women whooping and cheering)
See? Isn't this better
than a hotel room?
Yep. Shake that thing!
Have you ever seen a body
so fine?
We had some pretty hot corpses
in my anatomy class,
but none of them
moved like that!
PENNY:
Good morning.
You want to go
to the pool?
(both groaning)
Come on...
you said it yourself.
Only nerds and losers
stay in the room.
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Wow, it's bright out.
Isn't it bright? I should
probably close these curtains.
Nah. Bye!
Would you please close
the drapes?
Okay.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
that someone invented a way
to convert your footsteps
into electromagnetic energy
so you can charge
your cell phone while walking.
We had that idea years ago.
How come we never
did anything with it?
Probably because we left the
diagram of it in the restaurant,
and none of us
wanted to walk back.
I know the real reason you never
made progress with that idea.
You thought of it
September 22, 2007.
Two days later, Penny moved in,
and so much blood rushed
to your genitals,
your brain became a ghost town.
That's not what happened.
I remember it distinctly
because I had just
composed my annual poem
commemorating the anniversary
of Dr. Seuss's death.
No one wants
to hear it.
Why, die.
Why did he die?
Old, told.
I was told he was old.
Penny is not the reason
I didn't pursue that idea.
Oh, really?
Since meeting her,
what have been
your greatest accomplishments?
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Easy.
Sleeping with Penny.
Getting Penny to go back out
with him after she dumped him.
Tricking Penny
into getting engaged.
And a few weeks ago,
he almost did a pull-up.
I think
someone owes me an apology.
Well, don't feel bad.
I think we've all
been distracted
since the girls
entered our lives.
You admit Amy's a distraction?
Oh, very much so.
Listen to this.
This is from two days ago.
“Hi. Hope you're having
a good day.”
Who has time
for this constant sexting?
Well, maybe
we have lost our focus.
It wouldn't kill us to get
together and brainstorm ideas.
Ooh, we could have one
of those retreats.
Like our own science retreat.
My cousin has a cabin
out in the woods.
I'm not going to a
cabin in the woods.
Did you see the movie
Cabin in the Woods?
Then we'll go to a hotel.
A hotel?
Did you see The Shining?
KOOTHRAPPALI:
We could go up
to Big Bear
and get a house on the lake.
Did you see
The Lake House?
Nothing bad happens
in The Lake House.
Yeah, well, no,
not to them. To me.
Time traveling mailbox.
The only time that traveled
was an hour and half
of my life down the toilet.
Fine. Then we'll just stay here
and do it.
Well, you didn't suggest
a beach house.
You would go to a beach house?
Well, good Lord, no--
have you seen Jaws?
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x05 ♪
The Focus Attenuation
Original Air Date on October 13, 20
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Hey.
Hey.
So, the guys and
I are talking
about having kind of a
science retreat this weekend.
I just wanted to
know if that's okay.
You and I had talked about
going to brunch on Sunday...
Want to go to Vegas
this weekend?
Of course I do.
Bernadette?
Girl's weekend.
Vegas. You in?
Hell, yeah!
Yes!
I'll check flights.
I'll check hotels.
I'll check my underpants.
I'm so excited, I think I peed.
They seem okay with it.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. I didn't think you'd make it.
Why not?
Well, 'cause you have
a steady girlfriend now,
and we assumed
you'd have to stay home to lower
the food down to her in the pit.
(laughs)
For your information,
Emily is working tonight.
Yeah, one would assume,
on getting out of the pit.
Okay, let's focus.
The girls are gone,
we have 48 hours.
There are no distractions.
Let's change the world.
Thinking caps on.
Here we go.
Ooh, this is exciting.
We're innovating.
I feel like
we're in the Facebook movie.
Oh. I never saw that.
Yeah. Really?
KOOTHRAPPALI: Oh.
It's wonderful, and I swear
I'm not saying that
because Justin Timberlake
is in it.
Yeah, I have it on Blu-ray.
We should watch it.
Cool. I'll make the popcorn.
Guys...
in 30 seconds, we went from
“Let's change the world”
to “Let's watch TV.”
I'm sorry. Is that a “no”?
WOLOWITZ:
Okay. No.
Leonard's right.
We're here to focus.
Didn't we used
to have a list of all our ideas?
I-I think I still have it.
I did not get a clear answer.
I'm gonna set this down now.
Ah, here it is.
(laughs)
Whoa.
I haven't looked
at these in years.
“Robot girlfriend.”
Mm, that was mine.
“Robot prostitute.”
Also mine.
SHELDON:
Wait. I'm confused.
Why would you need
both a robot girlfriend
and a robot prostitute?
There's just some things
you don't do
with your robot girlfriend.
Boy, when you met Bernadette,
the field of robotics
really took a hit.
Okay, let's just skip
all the inventions
you can have sex with.
All right, no-- here we go:
“Ergonomic heated seat cushion”"
No, it vibrates.
Keep going.
You know, let's just come up
with something new.
SHELDON:
You know,
a number of significant
innovations have been inspired
by science fiction.
The-the geosynchronous satellite
from Arthur C. Clarke.
The Motorola flip phone--
that came from Star Trek.
Yeah, and I've long suspected
that the idea
of an African-American president
was stolen
from the movie Deep Impact.
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Hey,
the future they show
in Back to the Future II
is only a year away.
A lot of the things in that
movie haven't been invented yet.
How cool would that be
if we could make
one of those a reality?
If we could figure out
the scientific basis
for Marty's hover board,
that would have
universal application.
Well, it's-it's possible
at absolute zero,
but we would
have to remove
the temperature restrictions.
Oh, I have an idea.
I think I have the same one.
We got to watch
Back to the Future II!
I'll make the popcorn.
So, where should
we go first?
Ooh.
There's a cover band
in the lounge.
Nah.
But they play Barry Manilow.
No.
But they're called “Fairly Manilow”"
Oh. Okay.
Great!
No!
Well, what do you want
to do?
Well, we're in Vegas.
I want to go downstairs,
get a bucket of margaritas,
dance until I vomit
all over a roulette wheel
and watch it go everywhere.
What if we don't want to vomit?
Oh, you will. That's why
they give you the bucket.
Uh-oh.
What?
It's my boss.
They moved my field ride
up to Monday.
What does that mean?
It means instead
of having a week to study,
I only have two days.
That sucks.
Can you start
in the morning?
Uh, it's kind of a lot.
You know,
let me do a little tonight,
and I'll catch up
with you guys later.
You sure?
Yeah, it's okay. Go ahead.
So, um, now that
Penny's not coming...
We're not seeing Fairly Manilow.
Okay.
(dramatic movie music
plays on TV)
Hold on. Pause.
Something doesn't make sense.
Look...
In 2015, Biff steals
the sports almanac
and takes the time machine
back to 1955, to give it
to his younger self.
But as soon as he does that,
he changes the future,
so the 2015 he
returns to would be
a different 2015, not the 2015
that Marty and Doc were in.
This is Hot Tub Time Machine
all over again.
If future Biff
goes back to 2015
right after he gives
young Biff the almanac,
he could get back to the 2015
with Marty and Doc in it.
Because it wasn't until
his 21st birthday
that 1955 Biff
placed his first bet.
SHELDON:
Wait. Whoa, whoa.
Is “placed” right?
What do you mean?
Is “placed” the right tense
for something that would have
happened in the future
of a past that was affected
by something from the future?
Had will have placed?
That's my boy.
Okay, so, it wasn't until
his 21st birthday
that Biff had will have
placed his first bet
and made his millions.
That's when
he altered the timeline.
Yeah, but he had will
haven't placed it!
What?!
Unlike Hot Tub Time Machine,
this couldn't be more simple.
When Biff gets the almanac
in 1955,
the alternate future
he creates isn't the one
in which Marty and Doc Brown
ever use the time machine
to travel to 2015.
Therefore,
in the new timeline,
Marty and Doc never brought
the time machine...
W-Wait.
Is “brought” right?
Marty and Doc never
had have had brought?
I don't know.
You did it to me.
Oh, I'm going with it.
Marty and Doc never
had have had brought
the time machine to 2015.
That means 2015 Biff could also
not had have had brought
the almanac to 1955 Biff.
Therefore, the timeline in which
1955 Biff gets the almanac
is also the timeline
in which 1955 Biff
never gets the almanac.
And not just “never gets.”
Never have, never hasn't,
never had have hasn't.
He's right.
Also, what kind of name is Biff?
Sounds like when you pop open
a can of Pillsbury dough.
Biff.
Oh, that stuff is so good
wrapped around cocktail weenies.
Guys...
Do you know that
the word “wiener”
comes from the German name
of the Austrian capital
Vienna, or “Wien”?
Do you know if you look
at Austria on a map
it actually looks like a wiener?
Guys, what are
we doing?
W-We sent the girls away
so we could focus.
I don't think it worked.
(lively dance music playing)
Maybe after this, you'll be
in the mood for some Manilow.
I think after this,
I'll be dead.
Look at us out,
while Penny's in
the room studying.
I'm proud of her.
This is a great opportunity.
It's nice to see her take it
seriously.
It is.
But enough about Penny.
Let's talk about us.
We're looking good.
We are... (giggles)
Better than good.
I mean, look at you.
Your body's bangin'!
Amy!
Don't “Amy” me.
We're always talking
about how hot Penny is.
Come on-- scientist
to scientist,
how big are those
Hadron Colliders?
You're embarrassing me.
Oh, don't be embarrassed.
I'll show you the divot
in my spine.
What?
No, no, it's okay.
I was born with it.
If you put a double-A
battery in there,
it makes my leg kick.
All right.
Oh, this is already better.
There are
far fewer distractions in here.
Plus, this is where our minds
are conditioned
to focus on work.
So, I've been thinking
about the hover boards,
and maybe there's a way
we could use Maglev technology.
Or if we could figure out a
way to supercool the materials,
we could utilize
quantum coupling.
Well, I wonder
if anyone's tried that.
Go online and look it up.
Oh, I can't argue with him.
It's right there on the screen.
Austria does look like a wiener.
That's nothing, dude.
Go check out
how hung Florida is.
(laughing)
I'm sure Mrs. Florida's
walking funny.
Can we get back to work?
Yeah... he's right.
Oh, here's a thought.
What if we use some form of
operant conditioning techniques
to keep us from
getting off topic?
Like behavior modification?
Yeah, exactly.
Did you know
those techniques were used
to actually teach pigeons
to play ping-pong?
That cannot be true.
(ping-pong ball bouncing)
Hey, it was match point.
Some psychologists
perform operant conditioning
with punishment.
Maybe we can come up
with a punishment
for straying off topic.
Not getting to see who wins at
pigeon ping-pong comes to mind.
We could snap a rubber
band on our wrists
every time we
get sidetracked.
Mmm, not bad.
You know, in medieval times,
idle chatter was punished
with a device called
the scold's bridle.
It's an iron cage
that's locked around the head
and pierces the tongue.
If only we had one.
Oh! I'll check Amazon.
(knocking on door)
BERNADETTE:
Housekeeping!
AMY:
We had a complaint
about somebody pooping
on a party in there!
It was us the whole time!
Why'd you tell her?
It was working.
Was it working?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You guys look
like you're having fun.
We're having
the best time.
Guess who won $100
playing craps.
That's a dollar.
Then guess who wildly overtipped
a cocktail waitress.
Hey, Penny... hey, let's go.
We found a place that has
Australian male strippers.
We want to see
if they twirl their junk
in the other direction.
That sounds so great.
But I have
a little more studying to do.
(sighs) Can you
believe this nerd?
Come on, do you want to
sit here being a loser,
or do you want to watch me climb
into an Australian man's
G-string
like a baby kangaroo?
All right, guys, look,
I would love to go out,
but I've got
to get this done, okay?
So have fun at the club.
And if you get
in trouble, find a policeman.
And if he's taking off
his pants,
he is not a real policeman.
Okay, okay, this is obviously
very important to her.
Let's just, we'll help her study
so she can get done quicker.
Here...
here, I'm gonna quiz you.
I'm gonna quiz you.
I got your notes!
I got your notes!
I got your notes!
If you want these,
they're gonna be
at the strip club!
Aren't you gonna chase her?
To the walk-in closet? Sure.
Okay, so we agree,
whenever someone
takes us off topic
they get their arm
hair yanked off.
And I really
can't let that happen
or the girl who does
my eyebrows will think
I've been cheating on her.
All right, now, one benefit
of quantum coupling...
Wait, no, question:
who decides if someone's
gone off topic?
I think it'll be pretty clear.
If not, we'll take a vote.
Oh, and also...
Ow!
W-We didn't vote!
We didn't have to--
that was clearly a tangent.
Now come on.
Back to work.
If we're leaning towards
quantum coupling...
Aah! Why?
You said
“quantum coupling.”
That made me think
of the show Quantum Leap.
That's a tangent
and it's your fault.
That's ridiculous.
Sheldon, I vote that
is not a tangent.
Thank you.
And now I owe you one.
Ow!
That was your fault.
Hey!
Ooh, that is a lot of hair.
Ow!
And now I'm gonna hear it
from Jenny.
(stammers)
Everyone stop.
This was a stupid idea.
Negative reinforcement
isn't working.
I think you mean
positive punishment.
Negative reinforcement is the
removal of a positive stimulus.
It's a common mistake.
Negative reinforcement
is really wrong?
Oh, it's used incorrectly
all the time.
Even Bill Murray
makes that mistake
in the first scene
of Ghostbusters.
No way. Not Bill Murray.
I'm studying the effect
of negative reinforcement
on ESP ability.
Huh.
Bill Murray did get it wrong.
Jump ahead to the Stay Puft
Marshmallow Man.
No!
(Sheldon stammers)
Leonard's right.
We can't just jump ahead.
We have to watch the whole movie.
Look.
We keep procrastinating.
We saw Back to the Future II,
pigeons playing
ping-pong,
a bunch of countries
that look like genitals
and one guy whose genitals
look like Denmark!
Yeah, sorry for
clicking on that.
It's late.
We've wasted hours.
Can we please find it
in ourselves
to do any amount of work
tonight?
But we didn't see them bust
one ghost.
So y-you're saying
we should stand here
in my lab on a
Saturday night
and watch the rest
of Ghostbusters
on a crappy laptop?
No.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
It really does hold up.
(dance music blaring,
women whooping and cheering)
See? Isn't this better
than a hotel room?
Yep. Shake that thing!
Have you ever seen a body
so fine?
We had some pretty hot corpses
in my anatomy class,
but none of them
moved like that!
PENNY:
Good morning.
You want to go
to the pool?
(both groaning)
Come on...
you said it yourself.
Only nerds and losers
stay in the room.
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Wow, it's bright out.
Isn't it bright? I should
probably close these curtains.
Nah. Bye!
Would you please close
the drapes?
Okay.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man