The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 4 - The Hook-up Reverberation - full transcript

Have you guys heard
about this research team

that's trying to transgenically
manipulate chicken DNA

to create some sort
of chicken dinosaur?

Oh, I think that
sounds wonderful.

What? You're afraid
of both dinosaurs and chickens.

Yes, but tell me

a dinosaur
chicken salad sandwich

wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

Hey, guys.
Hey. Hello.

We still on for
tomorrow night?

Yeah. I'm excited
to finally meet your girlfriend.



Yeah, oh, and
speaking of which.

According to a recent study
out of Oxford University,

when someone takes on

a new romantic
partner,

that person loses one
or two close friends.

Since when do you read
social science?

I go to the bathroom
like everybody else.

Why would I lose friends

just because I
started dating someone?

Yeah, you didn't lose anyone
when you met Amy.

Yeah, well, no, the study
refers to romantic partners.

Not the way I would
categorize the two of us.

You guys kiss and hold hands.

I've seen him do it.
It's not romantic.



Look, I'm not the kind of guy

who drops his friends just
because he's in a relationship.

What happens
if she doesn't like us?

Well, hey,
you're my dear friends.

You'll get a Christmas card
for a couple of years,

and then you're dead to me.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x04 ♪
The Hook-Up Reverberation
Original Air Date on October 6,

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

So, Howard, is Stuart still
living with your mom?

I don't want
to talk about it.

But he's going to.
My mom got him cable!

In my whole life,

growing up
in that house-- no cable.

Do you know how many HBOs

that leech had my mother
get him? Seven.

Seven HBOs. Seven!

Long story short,
they have seven HBOs.

(knocking)
Hey, guys.

Hey.
Hello. Hey.

Emily, you know almost everybody here.
Hi.

This is Leonard,
this is Penny.

Oh, it's so nice
to meet you.

Nice to finally meet you, too.
Hi.

Hello.

Well, Raj,
you were not lying about her.

I told you
she exists.

Hey, I hear you're
a dermatologist.

Uh, yeah, I'm a resident
at Huntington Hospital.

Oh, I like their
emergency room.

Yeah, even if it turns out
you don't have Dengue fever,

they still let you
take a lollipop.

You know, Penny
just started training

to be a pharmaceutical
sales rep.

Maybe she can practice
on you some time.

Oh, it would be great
to practice on a real doctor.

Yeah. I'm sure that'd be fine.

I have some odd
freckles on my buttocks.

Can I make an appointment
for you to look at them?

Um... okay, I guess.

I'm with him three
years, nothing.

She's with two minutes, and
he's taking his pants off.

Last night was fun.
What did you think of Emily?

I don't know.

I kind of got the sense
she didn't like me.

Did she say she didn't like you?

Of course not. No one ever says

they don't like you
straight to your face.

We have led different lives.

You guys just met.
Why would she feel that way?

It's just this
vibe I got.

I'm sure you're worried
about nothing.

Yeah.
You're probably right.

I used to think
my high school P.E. teacher

didn't like me,
but it turned out,

she liked me a little too much.

Really?
Yeah.

It was fine.

We went to a Melissa Etheridge
concert, I got an A,

it all worked out.

When you go to Emily's office to
practice, you'll see. It's fine.

Yeah, I hope you're right.

You really went your entire life

without anyone saying
“I hate you” to your face?

Yeah.

I'd say it now,
but look at those cheekbones.

(rock music playing)

I miss
Stuart's place.

All this loud music
and exposed brick.

What, is this
a comic book store,

or a rave at the third
little pig's house?

Yup, I wish
Stuart would reopen.

I hate this place, too.

Okay, him I believe

because he's an 80-year-old man
in a 15-year-old's T-shirt.

But you're just upset

about Stuart and your mom
and all their HBOs.

Yes, I am. You know, I can't
even watch Game of Thrones now

without thinking
of mother saying,

“Stuart, which one is Thrones?”

You know, he might not reopen.

He didn't get a lot of money
from the insurance company.

Oh, boy, if there is one thing
that gets my goat,

those dad-gum
insurance companies.

Why? Because they won't
get off your lawn?

Oh, is Stuart trying to get a
loan, or-or find investors?

All I know is,
he's got my mother

buying four-ply toilet paper.
I mean, four-ply.

If his butt is so delicate,

why doesn't he just use
an angora rabbit?

For starters,
they shed and bite.

LEONARD:
Hey,

here's a thought.

Why don't we put up the rest
of the money that Stuart needs?

So, we'd be, like, owners
of a comic book store?

(all chuckling)

It's kind of a
dream come true.

That does sound fun.

Ooh, maybe we could come up

with a business plan
to compete with this place.

I'll give you a plan right now.

Step one:
open comic book store.

Step two: start rumor

this comic book store
gives you genital warts.

Step three: buy a big bag
to put the money in.

It's not that bad.

Hey.
Hi.

Thank you so much for letting me
practice my sales pitch on you.

I really appreciate it.

Sure.

Um, I brought coffee.

I wasn't sure what you like,
so I got

a regular, a cappuccino
and a Chai tea.

Since you like Raj, I thought
you might be into that.

Thanks. If we could get started.
I'm a little busy.

Oh, yeah, sure. Let me
just get out my materials.

Leonard gave me this briefcase.

He used to carry it
around in high school.

You can still see the dent
where they whacked him with it.

(clears throat)

Okay, I would like
to talk to you

about our new
birth control pill, Femevra.

Great.

So, Femevra's
triphasic design

provides balanced
hormonal exposure.

All right.

It has also been shown to cause

significantly fewer side effects
than other oral contraceptives.

Although it can cause acne,
which, if you ask me, kind of

increases its effectiveness
as a contraceptive.

Funny.

Okay, I'm sorry. Did we get off
on the wrong foot?

Because since the other
night, I kind of feel like

you might have a problem
with me.

No, it's fine.

Are you sure,
because it doesn't seem fine?

(sighs)
Okay.

If you really want
to talk about this,

I do have a problem.

Oh, my God.
Tell me-- what did I do?

Look, it's nothing. It's just...

Raj told me that a while ago,
you two hooked up.

What?! Oh, why
would he say that?

Did it not happen?

Well, I wouldn't exactly
call it a hook-up.

Did you kiss?

Yeah.

Were you naked?

Yeah.

So, it was a hook-up.

No.

Yeah.

So, what are some ways we
could set our comic book store

apart from the
competition?

Oh, kids buy comic books.
It would be great

to figure out a way
to get more kids in the store.

You know, when I was a
kid, I loved going there,

but I could
never get a ride.

Ooh, what if we got a van and
drove around and picked kids up?

Nice.

You mean,
like at parks and schools?

Toy stores,
puppet shows.

Hold on. So, your idea is
to get a van

and cruise the streets looking
for kids to pick up?

Yes.

And are you gonna use candy
to lure them in?

We are now!

You told Emily
we hooked up?!

Um, well, in my defense,
I tell everybody.

Why would you say that?!

We were having a conversation
about past lovers.

We weren't lovers! Come on.

Everyone knows
we didn't sleep together.

We got drunk
and fooled around.

Why couldn't you just
leave me out of it?

Well, we were being honest.

You would leave me
out of the conversation

with the next guy
if you dump Leonard?

Why say it?
Yes!

Well, I would never
leave you off my list,

and not just

because, without you,

we're playing fast and loose
with the word “list.”

Well, good job.
Now she hates me.

Oh.

Great.

On the bright side,
that Oxford study was right.

One friend down.

I wonder who you're going
to lose next.

You, okay? It's you.
You're-you're next!

No. You're crazy about me.

I feel pretty....oh so pretty.

I don't know what Emily's
so upset about anyway.

Even if I had slept with him,
so what? Everyone has a past.

(clears throat)

Almost everyone has a past.

Come on, look
how pretty you are.

I'm sure this isn't
the first girl to hate you.

It's not.

And I'm sure
you can turn it around.

How? You can't force someone
to like you.

AMY:
What if you just

hang around and act
like her friend

until you wear her down?
I mean, next thing you know,

you're in her home,
you're eating her food,

drinking her wine.

No, that won't work.

You're right. Cheers.

Oh, I know.

Why don't you use
your sales training

to go back down there
and sell yourself?

What?
Yeah.

But instead of selling a drug,

you'd be selling Penny--
it's cute.

It's stupid.

Well, maybe people
would like you more

if you didn't crap
all over their ideas.

I'm gonna go with
Penny on this one.

Then again, why wouldn't I?
I mean, we go way back.

Oh, my God.
I didn't used to like you.

Shh. Amy's here now.

You know, the more
I think about it,

the more intrigued I am
about having our own store.

We'll get to see
all the new stuff

before it hits the shelves.

And we'll get to have
fun interactions

with our customers.

“This isn't a library--
buy it or get out.”

You say things like that
all the time.

Yes, but as a store owner,
I'll finally have a good comeback

to, “You don't work here--
shut up.”

Uh, do you know how Penny
told Raj he should have

left her off his list?
Yeah.

Well, do you think when she
and I had that conversation,

she left people off her list?

I'm sure she did.

Why?

Because if she hadn't,

she'd still be wading
through the list.

Will you stay out of this?

(chuckles) If only Penny
had said that once in a while.

Hey, what difference
does it make?

You're the one
she wants to marry.

That's true.
Yeah, and I'm not sure

that complete honesty
is always the best thing

for a relationship.

Yeah, he's right.
Once, in a moment of candor,

I told Amy
that her hair reminded me

of a duck caught
in an oil spill. Well...

she stormed out.

Which was sad, because
we were playing Scrabble,

and I had all the letters
to spell “persimmon.”

Why are you even part
of this conversation?

You don't know
anything about women.

I know that if I had
a wife or a fiancée,

I'd ask her first
before I invested money

in a comic book store.

(sighs)
He's right.

Yeah, well,

of course I am.

I was also right about her hair.

It did everything but quack.

There's something
I wanted to run past you.

What's up?
Mm, the guys and I

were thinking about investing
in Stuart's comic book store.

Is that okay?
Why are you asking me?

Well, you know,
we're engaged,

and it's kind of
a big deal financially.

It seems like something
we should talk about.

Oh.

Well, would you consider
mounds of credit card debt

kind of a big deal
financially?

Yeah.

Huh.

Mm. So, me and the guys
were talking about

this great
investment opportunity...

Nope.

But you didn't hear what it was.

I know.

Oh, come on.

Fine. What is it?

It's to help reopen
the comic book store.

Nope.

Well, hear me out.

Howard, you know
we're saving up for a house.

I know, but all the guys
are doing it.

We're splitting it four ways, so
it's really not that much money.

(sighs) It just seems
like a risky investment.

I get that. I...
(sighs)

(chuckles):
Okay, look...

(sighs)

The reason this is important
is... (clears throat)

...before my dad left
me and my mom...

he used to... take me
to the comic book store.

It was one of the few things
we did together.

Oh. Howie, I had no idea.

Well, I don't...
like to talk about it.

Oh, baby.

That story's made
up, isn't it?

That's how much buying
a comic book store means to me.

I'd like your honest
opinion on something.

Of course.

Now, before I start,

I need you to know that
I'm very excited about this,

and anything you say

that isn't
enthusiastically supportive

will throw our entire
relationship into question.

So...

keep an open mind.

I'm feeling a little backed
into a corner, Sheldon.

Perfect. Now...

...I'm considering investing

in Stuart's comic book store.

Interesting.

Can you see how
a grown man,

an accomplished scientist,

who invests in a store

that sells picture books

about flying men in
colorful underwear...

...might be wasting
both his financial

and intellectual
resources?

No.

Then I think it's
a terrific idea.

Great.

(gasps) Wait till you hear
about our van.

(knocking)

Hey. Thanks for inviting us over.
Hey.

Oh, thank you
for coming.

Uh, listen, Penny,
before you start,

I just want to apologize
for being so rude

the other day
in my office.

No, no. No need to apologize.

Excuse me,
can I say something?

I just love both you guys,

and I want you
to get along.

And when I say “love”"
I meant as a friend.

And, uh, way
too soon, right?

Okay, sit down.
Listen, Emily,

what happened
between me and Raj

was a long time ago.
It was,

and I may have
made it seem

like a bigger deal
than I should have.

Yeah, and Leonard and I
are engaged now,

and I'm just hoping we can put
this whole thing behind us.

Mm. I'd like that, too.

Yeah, I thought
I'd be okay with it,

but then I saw
how pretty you are.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I mean, look at you--
you are gorgeous.

It's true--
you're both gorgeous.

Kind of says something about
the man who could bed you both.

(chuckles)

You get why I've been alone
most of my adult life.

So, what brings you by?
Well,

I don't need a reason--
it's my house.

Technically,
it's your mom's house, but...

we certainly want you
to feel welcome.

I'm always welcome.

Mm, just... try and call first.

Okay, let's get
down to business.

Howie was thinking about
putting up some money

to help you reopen the store,
but before that happens,

I have a few questions.
Oh.

I appreciate the offer,

but actually your mother
already gave me the money.

What?

Yeah. I told her
it was too much,

but she said she was happy
to help out her bubala.

(chuckles)

Excuse me.

Ma, you are canceling
that check,

and Stuart is not your bubala;
I'm your bubala.

You can't have more
than one bubala!

I don't know
who he's talking to.

She's at Target,
buying me shirts.

I'm so glad we
could work this all out.

Yeah, me, too.
You know, we should have dinner

one night with you and Leonard.

Oh, we would love that.

Great!

(both chuckle)

Okay, good night, guys.
All right, night.

(chuckles): Bye.

I hate her.
I hate her.

I'm really disappointed
we're not gonna have

our own comic book store.
I know.

I was looking forward to it.
It would've been

so nice to have a place
that was ours,

where we could just sit
and read comics in peace.

With comfy seats.

And snacks.

Well, I guess
it was too good to be true.

Yeah.
(all sigh)

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man