The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 12 - The Space Probe Disintegration - full transcript

What color would you like to be?

Oh. I'd like to be green.
But you know you always take it.

That's not true. Any color's fine with me.

I can be a combination of blue and yellow.

- Blue and yellow make green.
- Ah, then it's settled.

Hi. Ready to go?

Good news. We ordered lunch so we can all
stay here and play Lord ofthe Rings Risk.

Sheldon, we said that we would
play games with you tonight.

We'll still be playing it tonight.
This game can easily take 8 hours.

- Sweetie, you really thought I'd wanna do this?
- No.

- Did you tell him?
- Yes.



Did you say it out loud with words?

No.

I don't wanna spend the
day playing a board game.

You may change your mind when you hear
that this is the new expanded edition...

...which contains a
complete map of Middle-earth.

Now including the Haradwaith territories.

I will literally race you to the car.

No. Come on. Don't leave. Just try it.

We're always doing what you guys want.
It'd be nice if you did something we wanted.

You wanna be green?

They really have tried to like
a lot of the same stuff we're into.

Yeah. We do game nights.
Video game nights.

- We watch movies with director's commentary.
- Oh, my favorite.

George Lucas can talk through Star Wars.
I say one word. I'm banished to the kitchen.



Today, Amy and I are
deciding what we're all gonna do.

You got it. You girls are in charge.

- Thank you.
- Sheldon?

Fine.

Now that we're not playing,
you can be green.

- Thank you.
- Since you're green this time, I can be next time.

Let's see. What's something fun
the guys would never take us to do?

I know.
We could go horseback riding.

I actually can't.
My hips don't open wider than 22 degrees.

I rode a very thin pony once.
On the first bump...just popped right off.

All right, what do you wanna do?

There's a craft and
folk art museum on Wilshire.

Well, that's Wilshire's problem.

There's gotta be something fun
we can do that the guys will hate.

Hang on. Why do we have to hate it?

Three words. Doctor Who convention.

I did not force you to go to that.

You walked out of the house in a fez
and bowtie. I went so you didn't get beat up.

- I wasn't gonna get beat up.
- You were, but somehow, I held myself back.

You know what you could make us do?
Ice skating.

The cold air will trigger Leonard's asthma.

And it plays right into my well-known fear
of getting flattened by a Zamboni.

Now you're helping them
find ways to make us miserable?

I'm sorry, Leonard. I'm a problem solver.
It's what I do.

I actually can't go ice skating.
I have unnaturally brittle ankles.

Is there any part
of your body that's normal?

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Will you please relax?

- I can't take it, dude.
- You okay?

No, I'm not okay.
I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin.

Told you not to wax down there.

It's itchy when it grows back.

I'm worried about the
New Horizons space probe.

- What's he talking about?
- Nine years ago...

...he was part of a team that launched
a spacecraft to collect data about Pluto.

It's finally close enough so
this morning, it turned itself on.

We hope. The signal has to
travel over 3 billion miles.

It's gonna be hours before
we know if it even survived.

We get to see him flip out.
He's worried it was demolished by space ice.

Space ice is no joke.

I can't even watch Frozen anymore.

Oh, the Philharmonic
is playing Beethoven downtown.

Before you say yes,
it's not the movie about the big dog.

How come we can't think
of something we both wanna do?

Because you always pick what we do
and I just go along with it?

Ah. Interesting.

We're being accused of making you do things
you don't like and you are doing the same thing.

You should point out the hypocrisy of that.

That's what I was doing.

Oh, that wasn't clear.

Try it again, but this time, drive it home with,
"How do you like them apples, missy?"

All right. Keep thinking.

You're making it too complicated.

Why not stick to the basics?

Go shopping for clothes while Leonard
and I sit in those chairs and hold your purses.

I know I'd hate that. Leonard?

Well, yeah.

Now then. It's settled.

What do you say?
Sounds kind of perfect.

It does. Somehow he managed
to take all the fun out of it.

Well, once again, it's what I do.

Ugh. Another two hours to go.
The wait is killing me.

I get it.

When I was in the Soyuz capsule returning from
the space station plummeting towards Earth...

Before you finish, is this a story
about patience and waiting...

...or just another reminder
that you went to space?

A story can do two things.

I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.

You work in pharmaceuticals.
Don't you have anything you can give him?

All I have is our new urine flow drug.

It won't help with his anxiety,
but it's so strong when he pees...

...he'll fly around like he's got a jetpack.

I can't stop thinking about it.

You know, worrying won't have
any effect on what happens.

- I know.
- Maybe you need to do something productive.

Okay.

If I make this shot in the trash can...

...the probe will have arrived
in perfect working order.

So in addition to being crazy, you're resting the
fate of the mission on your athletic prowess.

- Yes.
- The man who crashed his stationary bike.

I didn't crash it, okay? My playlist was
too up tempo. I got light headed and I fell off.

Okay.

It all...

...comes down...

...to this.

You happy? Now you can relax.

What kind of scientist are you? Everyone
knows you gotta make two out of three.

This isn't so bad.

That's easy for you to say.
Your chair's not facing the lingerie section.

Boy, that's a lot of panties.

You guys comfy? This might take a while.

I don't understand why women insist on
making a big production out of buying clothes.

You're right. We should do what you do.

Have our mom send us pants
from the Walmart in Houston.

They have a man there who
understands my personal style.

Bye.

Uh, I've got some bad news.
There's no cell service in here.

Oh.

Well, that's all right.

There were ways to pass the time
before smartphones were invented.

Mm-hm. That's true.

I'll look them up.

Son of a biscuit.

- Sheldon, it's fine.
- No, it's not fine.

What kind of store in the
21st century doesn't at least have Wi-Fi?

I'm gonna call their corporate office...
Son of a biscuit.

Let's see.

My armies are going to attack
the Shire from Buckland.

And I roll...

...a five and a three.

Okay. And to defend, I roll...

...two sixes. I win.

Boy, double sixes again. If I didn't see it
with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it.

I wonder how long
we're gonna be stuck here.

I don't know. The girls do a lot for us.
It's the least we can do.

It's true. I suppose it's only
fair we make compromises.

Look at you being all mature.

I don't know why you're so surprised.

If there's one thing I know about after living with
you for so many years, it's how to compromise.

I'm sorry.

You make compromises for me?

All the time.

On Earth?

In our lives?

That we're living?

Well, yes.

Just yesterday, you had a big piece
of lettuce stuck in your teeth at lunch.

Did I say anything? No.

I compromised and kept my mouth shut.

Like you should have
because everyone was laughing at you.

That is not a compromise.

A compromise is me driving you everywhere
because you refuse to learn how.

- I learned how. Amy taught me.
- What? Why don't you do it?

Well, it's scary.

And sometimes I get
the pedals mixed up.

But more importantly, driving me to work
is one of the things that gives your life purpose.

I can't take that away from you,
so what do I do?

Oh, come on.
I'm practically feeding you the answer.

I compromise.

Hey, thanks for keeping me company.

I'm happy to. I think getting out
of the apartment will do you good.

- Where are we headed?
- If it's okay with you, I'd like to go to temple.

Buddy, trust me.
You don't wanna convert to Judaism.

I mean, I know I make it look cool,
but it's not all briskets and dreidels.

I meant a Hindu temple.

Oh, okay.

It's not like
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, right?

Some bald guy with horns
isn't gonna rip my heart out?

Dude, that movie is an imperialist fantasy...

...that makes the followers
of a beautiful and peaceful religion...

...look like bloodthirsty barbarians.

- You love that movie.
- Yeah, it's pretty great.

- I'm surprised to see you suddenly get religious.
- Why?

Because I've known you for 10 years
and you've never gone to temple.

You never talked about believing in God.

And last Diwali, I watched you eat two pounds
of sacred cow at a Brazilian steakhouse.

Religion is a very personal thing.

I do go to temple. I just don't talk about it.

- Yeah, but you're a scientist.
- So?

As a scientist, you believe the way to
understand the universe is facts and evidence.

And now, you're counting on some
blue chick with 100 arms to help you?

That is so offensive. Does everything you know
about Hinduism come from Indiana Jones?

No, there's also Apu from The Simpsons.

Well, lots of scientists believe in God.

Newton. Faraday. Pascal. All were believers.

Even Einstein was famous
for attacking quantum theory...

...on the grounds that God does not
play dice with the universe.

Of course he believed in God.
He slept with Marilyn Monroe.

- Actually, there's no proof of that.
- You believe in your religion. I'll believe in mine.

- How's it going in there?
- Eh.

Not really a great outfit for work.

Unless something opens up
in the hookers and whores division.

- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Sure.

Do I force you to do things
you don't want to?

- Yeah, but it's okay.
- How is that okay?

I promised myself if I ever got friends,
I'd do whatever they said.

Really, I'm lucky you
found me before a cult did.

Well, that was a long time ago.
You're a different woman now.

You're smart. You've got great friends.
You've got a boyfriend. You're pretty.

You have zero fashion sense.

Tonight, we're gonna do
whatever you want.

- Really?
- Absolutely. You name it. We're doing it.

Basket weaving at the craft museum.

Well, you named it.

Oh, here's another one.

I wish that the apple pancake mix
was on the top shelf...

...because it starts with an A.
But I don't put it there...

...because I don't want you breaking your legs
when you're supposed to be making breakfast.

Is it my turn to talk about
the compromises I make?

I wasn't done, but go ahead.

He said, compromising.

Because of you, I'm not allowed to adjust
the temperature in my own home.

I'm not allowed to whistle.
I don't wear shoes that might squeak.

Well, you're a physicist, not a circus clown.

Sheldon, do you realize I don't live with
the woman I love because of you?

No other reason. Just you.

- Is that true?
- Yes, it's true.

The last time I brought it up, you had a
breakdown, got on a train, and ran away.

Well, given my history on subject,
it seems a little reckless to bring it up now.

You have no idea
how much you inconvenience...

...the lives of everyone around you.
It's exhausting.

You know what?

You think you're so tolerant,
but the truth is...

...you're mean to me a lot.

Yeah, you think that I don't notice all those
sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do.

I have excellent peripheral vision.

On a good day, I can see my ears.

Sheldon, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I've been holding a lot of this in for a while.

I'm sorry too. And if you want to live with
Penny then I think you should.

- You mean that?
- Yes. Just...

...put on your squeaky shoes
and eeh-eeh-eeh your way out of my life.

Come on. Don't get upset.

I'm not upset. I'm just...

...imagining a world
without my best friend in it.

- Sheldon.
- It's okay.

I'm not leaving your world.
I'm just talking about living across the hall.

I understand.

Either way, I want you to know that...

...I'm aware of how difficult
I can be so I just wanna say...

...thank you for putting up with me.

Buddy.

How are you guys getting...
Why are there tears?

Everything's fine. We just started
talking about living arrangements.

Are you crazy? You know he's a flight risk.

It's exactly what I told him.

Sheldon, we know this is a sensitive subject.
Leonard's not gonna move until you're ready.

Well, what if you did it gradually?

All right. Well, how about we start with
two nights a week, I live with Penny.

How about one night and...

...I let you whistle.

- Okay.
- When I'm not home.

You got it.

There we go. Compromising again.

We really are the best.

Here we go. My first Hindu temple.

You see behind the fountain,
that tower that looks like a pyramid?

It's called a shikhara. It symbolizes the
connection between the human and the divine.

Huh. I always thought it was mini-golf.

All right. Shall we?

Yeah. Just...

- Is there anything I should know before I go in?
- Like what?

Like am I dressed okay?

Really? So every other place you've been,
you thought this was fine?

I know you're under pressure
so I'm gonna let that pass.

Sorry. You're right. I'm so stressed.

But you know what? Whenever I walk into that
temple, I realize whatever happens, it's okay.

We're all part of an immense pattern
and though we can't understand it...

...we can be happy to know
it's working its will through us.

That's nice.

Whether you call it God,
or the universe, or the self...

...we're all interconnected
and that's just a beautiful...

Son of a bitch, that guy just dinged my car.

Seriously?
You were just gonna drive away?

Like my life isn't hard enough right now.

A space probe might be destroyed.
My parents are going through an awful divorce.

The guy who cuts my dog's hair
just gave her bangs.

Raj.

You saw. She looks like
Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber.

Raj, you just got a text.
The probe turned on. It's fine.

Oh, good.

Namaste, grandpa.

I thought this was gonna be boring,
but it's actually kind of fun.

Don't tell Amy that.
We'll be here every Sunday.

Sheldon, that really is an excellent basket.

It's not a basket.
It's a soldier's helmet from 16th century China.

Very nice.

Yeah. Looks great.

I saw that.

Well, roomie.
It's only one night a week, but it's a start.

- I know. I'm really proud of Sheldon.
- Yeah. I'm proud of him too.

Can you keep it down?
Some of us are trying to sleep out here.