The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 3, Episode 13 - Start the New Year Right - full transcript
♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
GRANNY: Sure hope Mrs. Drysdale's
gonna like this crawdad gumbo.
She's bound to, Granny.
It's a dandy New Year's present.
Well, I got Granny to
take a peace offering
over to Mrs. Drysdale.
I got Elly to go along to
see that they don't scrap.
Good idea.
I am bound and determined
we're going to start off
the New Year
being friends with...
You having another breakfast?
No, sir. This is the same
one I was eating when you left.
I just run out of milk.
Boy, you put away vittles
like they's going out of style.
Shucks, fella gets hungry
spooning half the night.
Spooning half the night? You?
Not just me...
There was a girl, too.
Oh, good, good.
Well, maybe you'd better
tell me more about it.
You've been saying as how
we got to start the New Year
friends with Mrs. Drysdale.
So, I've been
spooning with her maid.
How's that gonna make us
friends with Mrs. Drysdale?
Well, I ain't sure that it is.
But anything that
much fun is worth trying.
Well, I'll settle for that.
Boy, she sure is pretty.
Kind of dumb, but awful pretty.
Kind of dumb, huh?
Yeah. Like we was standing
at the front door
saying good night,
hugging, you know.
Yeah, I remember.
Well, after we hugged awhile,
she says, "Jethro," she says,
"they's a dandy big
sofa in the front hall.
Would you like to
go in and sit down?"
And I says, "No thanks."
You says no?
"No thanks."
Oh, well, I'm glad you
were polite about it.
Well, then we hugged
some, then we kissed some,
and then she says,
"Jethro," she says,
"that's an awful nice sofa.
You sure you wouldn't
like to go in and sit down?"
I says, "No thanks."
So then we went
to hugging, kissing...
Jethro, why didn't you
go in and sit on the sofa?
Heck fire, Uncle Jed,
I wanted to stay
out there with her.
Boy, someday I got to
have a long talk with you.
What about?
Politics.
Oh, don't bother, Uncle Jed.
I done decided to
be a brain surgeon.
Too bad.
The country's
lost a great leader.
Pa, Mrs. Drysdale's
in the hospital.
Doggone it, Granny promised
me she wouldn't wallop her.
Granny didn't wallop her.
She's in the hospital
for something else.
Granny's finding out what.
Elly May, why in the world
are you wearing them
raggedy old clothes?
Well, you said you
didn't want me wearing
them tight pants no more.
What do you got
against wearing dresses?
Well, they's awful
unhandy in climbing trees
and chasing Johnny
across Mrs. Drysdale's roof.
Who in the jumping
blue blazes is Johnny,
and what's he doing
on Mrs. Drysdale's roof?
GRANNY: Help! Help!
Quick, Jed, get your
gun! A bear is after me!
A bear?
Chased me all the way
from Mrs. Drysldale's!
Shame on you, Johnny.
Uh-oh, Elly's been
to the zoo again.
Ain't he cute?
The critter doctor
over to the zoo
let me keep him
till he's weaned.
Elly May, you get
him out of here.
Yeah. You ain't
gonna wean him on me.
Come on, Johnny.
You'll have to eat outside.
Well, Granny, did you find out
why Mrs. Drysdale's
in the hospital?
Bad case of nerves.
Wonder what brought that on?
I don't know.
But I'm gonna whomp
up my special nerve tonic
and take it to her.
That's the spirit.
Now's the time that poor
woman needs neighbors like us.
Milburn, I am staying right here
until you do something about
those dreadful neighbors.
Margaret, have a heart.
This room costs 75 bucks a day.
Wait until you get the
bill for the specialist
who is flying out from New York.
Aw, Margaret, that's cruel.
Yes.
I'm striking you at your one
sensitive spot... your wallet.
Now, sweetie, the
Clampetts aren't that...
Milburn, it is my
New Year's resolution
not to return home until you
have rid the neighborhood
of those untouchables.
(knocking)
Come in.
Dr. Stuyvesant has arrived.
Good day.
I got here as
quickly as I could.
Oh, Doctor, what a shame
you had to fly out from New York.
Well, actually, I didn't.
I was vacationing
when I got the call.
Oh, good.
I flew directly
from the Riviera.
Oh, no.
And now let's have
a look at our patient
and see what we can
do for those nerves.
All right, Elly,
have you got the dried beetles?
Yes'm.
How about the bat
wings and the spider legs?
Right here.
Fine. Now we can
commence to start making
Mrs. Drysdale's
nerve-soothing tonic.
I'll start with my
rheumatiz medicine first.
That always gets things a-goin'.
Well, it's pretty
near New Year's.
Ready... set... go.
Puccoon root.
Snake wort.
Dogbane.
Coal oil.
Spoon.
Sassafrass bark.
Anvil dust.
Red bitters.
Black bitters.
Wahoo bark.
Turpentine.
Tongs.
Stand back, child.
I'm fixin' to drop
in my tonic starter.
(gurgling)
(gurgling)
How's your tonic coming, Granny?
Best batch I ever made.
Has pretty near
four feet of lid lift.
And Granny ain't even put in
her dried beetles, bat
wings nor spider legs.
By doggies, this ought to
quieting Mrs. Drysdale's nerves.
Oh, how is she, Doctor?
Nothing wrong, I hope.
Mr. Drysdale, your wife
is as sound as a dollar.
Oh, no. That sick?
Oh, I see, you
mean she's all right.
(laughing): I'm a banker...
aware of inflation and all that.
I'll drive you to the airport,
and we'll discuss
your fee on the way.
This has been a
bad year for bankers.
Mr. Drysdale, there is nothing
wrong with your wife physically,
but she is in a state of
great emotional distress.
Well, aren't we all.
Financial reverses,
taxes, bad investments...
Her condition has
nothing to do with money.
Well, then it can't be serious.
Your wife has a very definite
psycho-neurotic anxiety syndrome
stemming from her conflict
with your next-door neighbors,
and I feel some cathartic
discourse might be efficacious.
Boy, that sounds expensive.
Excuse me, Mr. Drysdale,
your office is on the telephone.
Dr. Stuyvesant, Mrs.
Drysdale is calling for you.
Oh.
All right, let her
get it off her chest.
All right, get a
move on, everybody.
Time's a-wastin'.
Got to get down to the hospital.
Hey, Uncle Jed,
see what I picked.
Ain't they pretty.
Sure are.
Why, that was uncommon
thoughtful of you, Jethro.
I'm right proud of you.
Well, thank you.
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna take these
next door and steal a kiss.
Now, hold on.
Didn't you pick them
for Mrs. Drysldale?
Heck no.
These are for the maid.
You pick some more for the maid.
You give those to Mrs. Drysdale.
Well, all right,
but I ain't gonna kiss her.
That's fair enough.
Get on the truck.
I'm ready to go, Jed.
You got your tonic?
Right in here. (gurgling)
Uh-oh.
Sounds like you
bottled it a mite green.
I'd best put it
back in the crock
and let it work some more.
You'd best hurry.
You see, Pa, I told you
dresses wasn't no good
for climbing trees
or chasing that bear
across Mrs. Drysdale's roof.
(loud pop) GRANNY: Hey!
What was that?
Something tells me
Granny didn't make it.
You're right, Jed... I
bottled it a mite green.
But I got plenty more
aging in the crock.
Well, while you women folks
is doing what you have to,
Jethro and I will take
a ride over the hospital
and talk to Mrs. Drysdale.
It'll cheer her up considerable
just to know help's on the way.
Let her roll, Jethro.
My very first encounter
with those dreadful hillbillies
was a traumatic shock.
Hillbillies?
Living next door to you?
Yes.
Oh, Milburn tried his best to
keep me from meeting them.
And how I wish he had succeeded!
Milburn, what is
the matter with you?
Milburn, let go.
Let go, you hear
me? Let go, I say!
Let go, you beast!
Step aside, lady, I'll shoot it.
(screaming)
(gunshot)
Now, let me get this
straight, Mrs. Drysdale,
he shot your fox fur?
Blew it to tatters.
Well, it isn't it rather unusual
for residents of the most
exclusive section of Beverly Hills
to walk around carrying guns?
Not the Clampetts.
Once, they subjected
us to armed invasion.
Armed invasion?
I can still see them
descending on us
like a band of frontier outlaws!
Horrible!
Is it any wonder my
nerves are shattered,
living next door to those
lawless predatory savages?
Why haven't you
sought police protection?
My husband won't let me.
They have $40
million in his bank.
Lawless predatory
savages with $40 million?
Oh, it means nothing to them.
They still live in
primitive squalor.
On an estate...
in Beverly Hills?
Their home's a veritable castle,
yet one day, I found
them occupying
a crude shack beside
the swimming pool.
Well, morning, Mrs. Drysdale.
What is this?!
It's a cabin, just like
the one back home.
Bu this is Beverly Hills.
You have a mansion.
Why do you want this?
It's a surprise for Granny.
She's been kind of
homesick for the hills lately.
(knocking)
You pushed your call
button, Mrs. Drysdale?
I did, Nurse.
(whispering)
Right away, Doctor.
Now, then, Mrs. Drysdale,
let's get back to that
beautiful Clampett castle
with the chickens and the hogs.
And the possums and the raccoons
and that dreadful
creature that runs
across my roof at
night, its claws clicking.
Oh? What do you
suppose that could be?
My husband doesn't believe
me, but I think it's a bear.
A bear.
Yes. Oh, that's nothing.
Their goat once ate my hat
while driving down
Wilshire Boulevard.
The goat was driving
down Wilshire Boulevard?
No, no, Jethro.
You see, they'd insisted
on driving me to the bank,
and Elly thrust this
baby goat in my arms.
And it ate your hat?
No, her mother ate my hat.
Elly's mother?
No, the goat's mother.
It was riding on
the truck with me.
Truck?
Right through the
middle of Beverly Hills.
ELLY (whistles): Move over!
Get out of the way!
One side, everybody!
Get out of the way!
(tooting horn)
Make way for Mrs. Drysdale!
Move over!
Please, please!
We's doing the best
we can, Mrs. Drysdale.
(Elly whistling)
(screams) Please! Oh, please!
That's the ticket,
Mrs. Drysdale!
Make a noise like a siren!
(horn tooting)
(screaming)
Oh!
All my friends saw me.
It was so humiliating.
Ah, yes, thank you, Nurse.
Here we are.
You can drink it right down.
It'll calm your nerves.
Good.
And then you're going
to have a nice sleep.
When you wake up,
you'll have some
new dreams to tell me.
But I haven't been
telling you dreams.
Oh, of course, you haven't.
Come with me
and I'll show you...
No, I don't think
you're quite ready
to leave the hospital.
Oh, nonsense.
I'm only here so my
husband will listen to me.
That's my job.
I like listening to you.
That's it.
Now, I don't want
to hear any more talk
about leaving the hospital.
We're your friends here.
We're going to protect you
from those millionaire savages
who live in that gingerbread
castle with the goats and bears
and those other creatures.
See that Mrs.
Drysdale isn't disturbed,
and let me have
her chart, please.
JETHRO: We can get
in this way, Uncle Jed.
Reckon we'll have to,
the way they chased
us off downstairs.
This is it, Uncle Jed.
Mrs. Drysdale's name
is right on the door.
Kind of gloomy in here.
It sure is.
Appears like Mrs.
Drysdale's asleep.
Mrs. Drysdale, are you asleep?
Jethro, find someplace
to put the flowers.
I'll see if I can
cheerful it up in here
for when she wakes up.
Nice view. I'll open the window.
Let's move her bed over there.
Good idea.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Hey, Uncle Jed what do you
reckon these buttons are fer?
Leave 'em alone,
Jethro. Let's go.
Should we go fetch
Granny and Elly now?
Yep, and the nerve tonic.
We'll have Mrs. Drysdale
out of this hospital
in no time.
Now, we're not going to
try to escape again, are we?
But I didn't escape.
I know, but you
mustn't even try.
It's dangerous to
jump out a window,
even if you have a nice,
soft mattress to land on.
But I didn't jump out a window.
Then how did you get
out there in those bushes?
I don't know.
Unless the hillbillies did it.
Oh? Are they here
now in the hospital?
Yes, I saw two of
them leering at me.
And the next thing I remember,
I was flying through the air.
On your magic mattress.
Yes. No! Oh, I don't know.
I just want to lie down.
Yes, of course.
Her bed is ready, Doctor.
Oh, fine.
Here you are, Doctor.
Oh, thank you.
This should keep her
in her room for a while.
Handle it gentle, Jed.
I will.
Is it behaving?
Don't hear a peep out of it.
Does it take long to
get to that hospital?
No, but it takes some doing
to get to Mrs. Drysdale's room.
You got to go up on what
they call a "fire escape."
How come?
They won't let you
past the first floor.
Funny thing, too.
When I said that we'd
come to see Mrs. Drysdale,
this woman said, "Mrs.
Drysdale ain't having no visitors."
So I says, "I reckon she's
lonely. I'm glad we come."
And she still
wouldn't let us in.
That's a fact.
She made us feel
about as welcome
as a muddy dog at
a church wedding.
Let's go.
What's that fer?
Mrs. Drysdale.
Granny said it's right soothing
to have a critter to pet.
I had in mind a pussycat.
That raccoon
seems a mite skittish.
Oh, she'll be all right
once she gets in bed
with Mrs. Drysdale.
Let her roll, Jethro.
Well, how's my wife?
Ready to check out?
She's resting, Mr. Drysdale.
She'll probably sleep
for four or five hours.
Not at these rates, she won't.
I'll go wake her up.
Mr. Drysdale, I don't
think you appreciate
the seriousness of
your wife's condition.
She has a psychotic fixation
about those Clampetts.
Oh, they're wonderful people.
She imagines things.
In my field, imagination
can sometimes
be more real
than reality itself.
Good. Just imagine
your fee's been paid,
and I'll run you
out to the airport.
Let's go down to the cafeteria
and discuss this
over a cup of coffee.
That, I can afford.
How's your skydiver?
I don't think she'll
jump anymore today.
I don't think she'll
wake up anymore today.
Boy, is her husband
a cheapskate.
Look at these
flowers he sent her.
The way that woman
downstairs meanmouthed us
was plumb disgraceful,
and me a doctor, too.
Didn't even cut no mustard
when I told her that I was
pret' near a brain surgeon.
Yeah, and the way she
cut loose on poor Helen
got her all skittish.
She looked at us like
we was a bunch of nuts.
I reckon in a hospital,
you gotta be careful
to keep out the
wrong kind of people.
So?
So she made a mistake.
Kind of dark in here.
They got it gloomed
up again, Uncle Jed.
Well, we know how to fix that.
Somebody stole my flowers.
Now you see why they
got to try to keep out
the wrong kind of people.
I got your nerve
medicine, Mrs. Drysdale.
Make you sleep real good.
JED: Appears like she's
sleeping real good right now.
Wake her up, Elly, so I
can give her my medicine.
That don't make a whole
heap of sense, Granny.
Who's the doctor
around her, your or me?
Wake her up, Elly.
Mrs. Drysdale. Mrs. Drysdale!
Appears like she's
sleeping too good to tonic.
Yeah, I reckon.
Well, we can always
come back later.
Granny, you gonna
leave your medicine here?
Of course not.
It takes a first-class
doctor to give that,
and you ain't likely
to find one of them
in a hospital.
Let's move her bed up alongside
the window again, Jethro,
so she'll have something
cheerful to look at
when she wakes up.
Yes, sir.
Boy, I sure wish I knew what
these here buttons were for.
Leave them alone, boy.
We gotta do everything
we can to get her out of here.
We will, Granny.
Mrs. Drysdale, you promised
you wouldn't jump
out the window again.
I didn't!
Yes, you did, and I'm
very upset with you.
So am I, Margaret.
They're billing me
for all those bushes
you keep flattening.
Oh, listen to me.
The hillbillies are here!
Again?
With a raccoon.
Oh, really, Margaret.
Now don't you worry.
There's something on the way
that will make those nasty
old hillbillies disappear.
Her bed is ready, Doctor.
Fine. I want restrainers
on her this time.
Yes, sir.
Here you are, Doctor.
Oh, thank you.
If she gets out after this,
she really has got
a magic mattress.
GRANNY: Mrs. Drysdale
ought to be awake by now.
JED: Yeah, let's get
back to the hospital.
I declare, sleeping
sounder than ever.
Jethro, quit playing with
the buttons and come on.
Come on, Granny.
Wait a minute.
It ain't fitti" for no doctor
to climb down a fire escape.
I'm using the stairs.
Here, here, what are
you doing on this floor?
We come to see Mrs. Drysdale.
Mrs. Drysdale's not
allowed to have visitors.
Nor fresh air nor
sunshine neither.
What kind of a hospital
are you running here?
Now, Granny...
You must all leave immediately.
Don't you sass me! I'm a doctor!
Simmer down, Granny.
I have half a mind to take
Mrs. Drysdale out of here!
Well, Granny, I reckon that'll
learn ya not to lose your temper.
Well, tarnation, Jed,
who'd have thought
they'd take it out
on poor, sick Mrs. Drysdale?
Well, they did.
They chucked her right out
the window into the bushes.
ELLY: Looky,
she's still sleeping.
Let's get her upstairs.
Maybe it all happened
for the best, Jed.
She'll get better a
heap quicker here
than she would at that hospital
with them spiteful nurses.
Grab ahold, Jethro.
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
GRANNY: Sure hope Mrs. Drysdale's
gonna like this crawdad gumbo.
She's bound to, Granny.
It's a dandy New Year's present.
Well, I got Granny to
take a peace offering
over to Mrs. Drysdale.
I got Elly to go along to
see that they don't scrap.
Good idea.
I am bound and determined
we're going to start off
the New Year
being friends with...
You having another breakfast?
No, sir. This is the same
one I was eating when you left.
I just run out of milk.
Boy, you put away vittles
like they's going out of style.
Shucks, fella gets hungry
spooning half the night.
Spooning half the night? You?
Not just me...
There was a girl, too.
Oh, good, good.
Well, maybe you'd better
tell me more about it.
You've been saying as how
we got to start the New Year
friends with Mrs. Drysdale.
So, I've been
spooning with her maid.
How's that gonna make us
friends with Mrs. Drysdale?
Well, I ain't sure that it is.
But anything that
much fun is worth trying.
Well, I'll settle for that.
Boy, she sure is pretty.
Kind of dumb, but awful pretty.
Kind of dumb, huh?
Yeah. Like we was standing
at the front door
saying good night,
hugging, you know.
Yeah, I remember.
Well, after we hugged awhile,
she says, "Jethro," she says,
"they's a dandy big
sofa in the front hall.
Would you like to
go in and sit down?"
And I says, "No thanks."
You says no?
"No thanks."
Oh, well, I'm glad you
were polite about it.
Well, then we hugged
some, then we kissed some,
and then she says,
"Jethro," she says,
"that's an awful nice sofa.
You sure you wouldn't
like to go in and sit down?"
I says, "No thanks."
So then we went
to hugging, kissing...
Jethro, why didn't you
go in and sit on the sofa?
Heck fire, Uncle Jed,
I wanted to stay
out there with her.
Boy, someday I got to
have a long talk with you.
What about?
Politics.
Oh, don't bother, Uncle Jed.
I done decided to
be a brain surgeon.
Too bad.
The country's
lost a great leader.
Pa, Mrs. Drysdale's
in the hospital.
Doggone it, Granny promised
me she wouldn't wallop her.
Granny didn't wallop her.
She's in the hospital
for something else.
Granny's finding out what.
Elly May, why in the world
are you wearing them
raggedy old clothes?
Well, you said you
didn't want me wearing
them tight pants no more.
What do you got
against wearing dresses?
Well, they's awful
unhandy in climbing trees
and chasing Johnny
across Mrs. Drysdale's roof.
Who in the jumping
blue blazes is Johnny,
and what's he doing
on Mrs. Drysdale's roof?
GRANNY: Help! Help!
Quick, Jed, get your
gun! A bear is after me!
A bear?
Chased me all the way
from Mrs. Drysldale's!
Shame on you, Johnny.
Uh-oh, Elly's been
to the zoo again.
Ain't he cute?
The critter doctor
over to the zoo
let me keep him
till he's weaned.
Elly May, you get
him out of here.
Yeah. You ain't
gonna wean him on me.
Come on, Johnny.
You'll have to eat outside.
Well, Granny, did you find out
why Mrs. Drysdale's
in the hospital?
Bad case of nerves.
Wonder what brought that on?
I don't know.
But I'm gonna whomp
up my special nerve tonic
and take it to her.
That's the spirit.
Now's the time that poor
woman needs neighbors like us.
Milburn, I am staying right here
until you do something about
those dreadful neighbors.
Margaret, have a heart.
This room costs 75 bucks a day.
Wait until you get the
bill for the specialist
who is flying out from New York.
Aw, Margaret, that's cruel.
Yes.
I'm striking you at your one
sensitive spot... your wallet.
Now, sweetie, the
Clampetts aren't that...
Milburn, it is my
New Year's resolution
not to return home until you
have rid the neighborhood
of those untouchables.
(knocking)
Come in.
Dr. Stuyvesant has arrived.
Good day.
I got here as
quickly as I could.
Oh, Doctor, what a shame
you had to fly out from New York.
Well, actually, I didn't.
I was vacationing
when I got the call.
Oh, good.
I flew directly
from the Riviera.
Oh, no.
And now let's have
a look at our patient
and see what we can
do for those nerves.
All right, Elly,
have you got the dried beetles?
Yes'm.
How about the bat
wings and the spider legs?
Right here.
Fine. Now we can
commence to start making
Mrs. Drysdale's
nerve-soothing tonic.
I'll start with my
rheumatiz medicine first.
That always gets things a-goin'.
Well, it's pretty
near New Year's.
Ready... set... go.
Puccoon root.
Snake wort.
Dogbane.
Coal oil.
Spoon.
Sassafrass bark.
Anvil dust.
Red bitters.
Black bitters.
Wahoo bark.
Turpentine.
Tongs.
Stand back, child.
I'm fixin' to drop
in my tonic starter.
(gurgling)
(gurgling)
How's your tonic coming, Granny?
Best batch I ever made.
Has pretty near
four feet of lid lift.
And Granny ain't even put in
her dried beetles, bat
wings nor spider legs.
By doggies, this ought to
quieting Mrs. Drysdale's nerves.
Oh, how is she, Doctor?
Nothing wrong, I hope.
Mr. Drysdale, your wife
is as sound as a dollar.
Oh, no. That sick?
Oh, I see, you
mean she's all right.
(laughing): I'm a banker...
aware of inflation and all that.
I'll drive you to the airport,
and we'll discuss
your fee on the way.
This has been a
bad year for bankers.
Mr. Drysdale, there is nothing
wrong with your wife physically,
but she is in a state of
great emotional distress.
Well, aren't we all.
Financial reverses,
taxes, bad investments...
Her condition has
nothing to do with money.
Well, then it can't be serious.
Your wife has a very definite
psycho-neurotic anxiety syndrome
stemming from her conflict
with your next-door neighbors,
and I feel some cathartic
discourse might be efficacious.
Boy, that sounds expensive.
Excuse me, Mr. Drysdale,
your office is on the telephone.
Dr. Stuyvesant, Mrs.
Drysdale is calling for you.
Oh.
All right, let her
get it off her chest.
All right, get a
move on, everybody.
Time's a-wastin'.
Got to get down to the hospital.
Hey, Uncle Jed,
see what I picked.
Ain't they pretty.
Sure are.
Why, that was uncommon
thoughtful of you, Jethro.
I'm right proud of you.
Well, thank you.
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna take these
next door and steal a kiss.
Now, hold on.
Didn't you pick them
for Mrs. Drysldale?
Heck no.
These are for the maid.
You pick some more for the maid.
You give those to Mrs. Drysdale.
Well, all right,
but I ain't gonna kiss her.
That's fair enough.
Get on the truck.
I'm ready to go, Jed.
You got your tonic?
Right in here. (gurgling)
Uh-oh.
Sounds like you
bottled it a mite green.
I'd best put it
back in the crock
and let it work some more.
You'd best hurry.
You see, Pa, I told you
dresses wasn't no good
for climbing trees
or chasing that bear
across Mrs. Drysdale's roof.
(loud pop) GRANNY: Hey!
What was that?
Something tells me
Granny didn't make it.
You're right, Jed... I
bottled it a mite green.
But I got plenty more
aging in the crock.
Well, while you women folks
is doing what you have to,
Jethro and I will take
a ride over the hospital
and talk to Mrs. Drysdale.
It'll cheer her up considerable
just to know help's on the way.
Let her roll, Jethro.
My very first encounter
with those dreadful hillbillies
was a traumatic shock.
Hillbillies?
Living next door to you?
Yes.
Oh, Milburn tried his best to
keep me from meeting them.
And how I wish he had succeeded!
Milburn, what is
the matter with you?
Milburn, let go.
Let go, you hear
me? Let go, I say!
Let go, you beast!
Step aside, lady, I'll shoot it.
(screaming)
(gunshot)
Now, let me get this
straight, Mrs. Drysdale,
he shot your fox fur?
Blew it to tatters.
Well, it isn't it rather unusual
for residents of the most
exclusive section of Beverly Hills
to walk around carrying guns?
Not the Clampetts.
Once, they subjected
us to armed invasion.
Armed invasion?
I can still see them
descending on us
like a band of frontier outlaws!
Horrible!
Is it any wonder my
nerves are shattered,
living next door to those
lawless predatory savages?
Why haven't you
sought police protection?
My husband won't let me.
They have $40
million in his bank.
Lawless predatory
savages with $40 million?
Oh, it means nothing to them.
They still live in
primitive squalor.
On an estate...
in Beverly Hills?
Their home's a veritable castle,
yet one day, I found
them occupying
a crude shack beside
the swimming pool.
Well, morning, Mrs. Drysdale.
What is this?!
It's a cabin, just like
the one back home.
Bu this is Beverly Hills.
You have a mansion.
Why do you want this?
It's a surprise for Granny.
She's been kind of
homesick for the hills lately.
(knocking)
You pushed your call
button, Mrs. Drysdale?
I did, Nurse.
(whispering)
Right away, Doctor.
Now, then, Mrs. Drysdale,
let's get back to that
beautiful Clampett castle
with the chickens and the hogs.
And the possums and the raccoons
and that dreadful
creature that runs
across my roof at
night, its claws clicking.
Oh? What do you
suppose that could be?
My husband doesn't believe
me, but I think it's a bear.
A bear.
Yes. Oh, that's nothing.
Their goat once ate my hat
while driving down
Wilshire Boulevard.
The goat was driving
down Wilshire Boulevard?
No, no, Jethro.
You see, they'd insisted
on driving me to the bank,
and Elly thrust this
baby goat in my arms.
And it ate your hat?
No, her mother ate my hat.
Elly's mother?
No, the goat's mother.
It was riding on
the truck with me.
Truck?
Right through the
middle of Beverly Hills.
ELLY (whistles): Move over!
Get out of the way!
One side, everybody!
Get out of the way!
(tooting horn)
Make way for Mrs. Drysdale!
Move over!
Please, please!
We's doing the best
we can, Mrs. Drysdale.
(Elly whistling)
(screams) Please! Oh, please!
That's the ticket,
Mrs. Drysdale!
Make a noise like a siren!
(horn tooting)
(screaming)
Oh!
All my friends saw me.
It was so humiliating.
Ah, yes, thank you, Nurse.
Here we are.
You can drink it right down.
It'll calm your nerves.
Good.
And then you're going
to have a nice sleep.
When you wake up,
you'll have some
new dreams to tell me.
But I haven't been
telling you dreams.
Oh, of course, you haven't.
Come with me
and I'll show you...
No, I don't think
you're quite ready
to leave the hospital.
Oh, nonsense.
I'm only here so my
husband will listen to me.
That's my job.
I like listening to you.
That's it.
Now, I don't want
to hear any more talk
about leaving the hospital.
We're your friends here.
We're going to protect you
from those millionaire savages
who live in that gingerbread
castle with the goats and bears
and those other creatures.
See that Mrs.
Drysdale isn't disturbed,
and let me have
her chart, please.
JETHRO: We can get
in this way, Uncle Jed.
Reckon we'll have to,
the way they chased
us off downstairs.
This is it, Uncle Jed.
Mrs. Drysdale's name
is right on the door.
Kind of gloomy in here.
It sure is.
Appears like Mrs.
Drysdale's asleep.
Mrs. Drysdale, are you asleep?
Jethro, find someplace
to put the flowers.
I'll see if I can
cheerful it up in here
for when she wakes up.
Nice view. I'll open the window.
Let's move her bed over there.
Good idea.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Hey, Uncle Jed what do you
reckon these buttons are fer?
Leave 'em alone,
Jethro. Let's go.
Should we go fetch
Granny and Elly now?
Yep, and the nerve tonic.
We'll have Mrs. Drysdale
out of this hospital
in no time.
Now, we're not going to
try to escape again, are we?
But I didn't escape.
I know, but you
mustn't even try.
It's dangerous to
jump out a window,
even if you have a nice,
soft mattress to land on.
But I didn't jump out a window.
Then how did you get
out there in those bushes?
I don't know.
Unless the hillbillies did it.
Oh? Are they here
now in the hospital?
Yes, I saw two of
them leering at me.
And the next thing I remember,
I was flying through the air.
On your magic mattress.
Yes. No! Oh, I don't know.
I just want to lie down.
Yes, of course.
Her bed is ready, Doctor.
Oh, fine.
Here you are, Doctor.
Oh, thank you.
This should keep her
in her room for a while.
Handle it gentle, Jed.
I will.
Is it behaving?
Don't hear a peep out of it.
Does it take long to
get to that hospital?
No, but it takes some doing
to get to Mrs. Drysdale's room.
You got to go up on what
they call a "fire escape."
How come?
They won't let you
past the first floor.
Funny thing, too.
When I said that we'd
come to see Mrs. Drysdale,
this woman said, "Mrs.
Drysdale ain't having no visitors."
So I says, "I reckon she's
lonely. I'm glad we come."
And she still
wouldn't let us in.
That's a fact.
She made us feel
about as welcome
as a muddy dog at
a church wedding.
Let's go.
What's that fer?
Mrs. Drysdale.
Granny said it's right soothing
to have a critter to pet.
I had in mind a pussycat.
That raccoon
seems a mite skittish.
Oh, she'll be all right
once she gets in bed
with Mrs. Drysdale.
Let her roll, Jethro.
Well, how's my wife?
Ready to check out?
She's resting, Mr. Drysdale.
She'll probably sleep
for four or five hours.
Not at these rates, she won't.
I'll go wake her up.
Mr. Drysdale, I don't
think you appreciate
the seriousness of
your wife's condition.
She has a psychotic fixation
about those Clampetts.
Oh, they're wonderful people.
She imagines things.
In my field, imagination
can sometimes
be more real
than reality itself.
Good. Just imagine
your fee's been paid,
and I'll run you
out to the airport.
Let's go down to the cafeteria
and discuss this
over a cup of coffee.
That, I can afford.
How's your skydiver?
I don't think she'll
jump anymore today.
I don't think she'll
wake up anymore today.
Boy, is her husband
a cheapskate.
Look at these
flowers he sent her.
The way that woman
downstairs meanmouthed us
was plumb disgraceful,
and me a doctor, too.
Didn't even cut no mustard
when I told her that I was
pret' near a brain surgeon.
Yeah, and the way she
cut loose on poor Helen
got her all skittish.
She looked at us like
we was a bunch of nuts.
I reckon in a hospital,
you gotta be careful
to keep out the
wrong kind of people.
So?
So she made a mistake.
Kind of dark in here.
They got it gloomed
up again, Uncle Jed.
Well, we know how to fix that.
Somebody stole my flowers.
Now you see why they
got to try to keep out
the wrong kind of people.
I got your nerve
medicine, Mrs. Drysdale.
Make you sleep real good.
JED: Appears like she's
sleeping real good right now.
Wake her up, Elly, so I
can give her my medicine.
That don't make a whole
heap of sense, Granny.
Who's the doctor
around her, your or me?
Wake her up, Elly.
Mrs. Drysdale. Mrs. Drysdale!
Appears like she's
sleeping too good to tonic.
Yeah, I reckon.
Well, we can always
come back later.
Granny, you gonna
leave your medicine here?
Of course not.
It takes a first-class
doctor to give that,
and you ain't likely
to find one of them
in a hospital.
Let's move her bed up alongside
the window again, Jethro,
so she'll have something
cheerful to look at
when she wakes up.
Yes, sir.
Boy, I sure wish I knew what
these here buttons were for.
Leave them alone, boy.
We gotta do everything
we can to get her out of here.
We will, Granny.
Mrs. Drysdale, you promised
you wouldn't jump
out the window again.
I didn't!
Yes, you did, and I'm
very upset with you.
So am I, Margaret.
They're billing me
for all those bushes
you keep flattening.
Oh, listen to me.
The hillbillies are here!
Again?
With a raccoon.
Oh, really, Margaret.
Now don't you worry.
There's something on the way
that will make those nasty
old hillbillies disappear.
Her bed is ready, Doctor.
Fine. I want restrainers
on her this time.
Yes, sir.
Here you are, Doctor.
Oh, thank you.
If she gets out after this,
she really has got
a magic mattress.
GRANNY: Mrs. Drysdale
ought to be awake by now.
JED: Yeah, let's get
back to the hospital.
I declare, sleeping
sounder than ever.
Jethro, quit playing with
the buttons and come on.
Come on, Granny.
Wait a minute.
It ain't fitti" for no doctor
to climb down a fire escape.
I'm using the stairs.
Here, here, what are
you doing on this floor?
We come to see Mrs. Drysdale.
Mrs. Drysdale's not
allowed to have visitors.
Nor fresh air nor
sunshine neither.
What kind of a hospital
are you running here?
Now, Granny...
You must all leave immediately.
Don't you sass me! I'm a doctor!
Simmer down, Granny.
I have half a mind to take
Mrs. Drysdale out of here!
Well, Granny, I reckon that'll
learn ya not to lose your temper.
Well, tarnation, Jed,
who'd have thought
they'd take it out
on poor, sick Mrs. Drysdale?
Well, they did.
They chucked her right out
the window into the bushes.
ELLY: Looky,
she's still sleeping.
Let's get her upstairs.
Maybe it all happened
for the best, Jed.
She'll get better a
heap quicker here
than she would at that hospital
with them spiteful nurses.
Grab ahold, Jethro.
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.