The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 1, Episode 19 - Elly's Animals - full transcript

♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪

♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪

♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪

♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪

♪ Oil, that is ♪

♪ Black gold ♪

♪ Texas tea ♪

♪ Well, the first
thing you know ♪

♪ Old Jed's a millionaire ♪

♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪

♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪

♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪

♪ Hills, that is ♪

♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪

The Beverly Hillbillies.

♪♪

Ma!

Oh, Ma!

Here you are, Ma.

Sign's all ready
to put out front.

Well, doggies, that's nice.

Aunt Pearl, you
sure do look pretty.

- Aw.
- Yeah, ain't nobody can sit at a piany

with the style of
your Aunt Pearl.

Aunt Pearl, where did
you get the cookies?

Did Granny make them for you?

No, I started them off this
morning, before she got up.

Granny's going to whomp
you for gettin' into her kitchen.

I didn't bother her none.

Jed, what do you
think of my prices?

Well, is that what you've
been charging at home?

No, but Beverly Hills

is full of millionaires
and movie stars,

so I figured I could double
them and get away with it.

I reckon you might can.

I don't recollect
seeing one sign

in this whole town
advertising yodeling lessons.

It does take a special knack,

yodelin' does.

Now, Duke.

I know it hurts your ears, Duke.

Pretty soon you
and me is gonna take

a nice, long walk outside.

These your cookies, Pearl,

that I found in my kitchen?

Yeah, Granny. Are
you gonna whomp her?

Of course not.

Pearl just made them to
give to her music pupils.

I figured that.

So I drawed some of
my cider to go with them.

Well, now, ain't that nice.

Looks like you two ain't
gonna fight no more.

Aw, shucks.

Now, you give a cup

of this to every one
of your pupils, Pearl.

Well, thank you, Granny.

Now, Granny, this ain't
none of your hard cider, is it?

Mmm, not especially.

See?

It ain't my hard stuff.

You'd have had every
one of my pupils stoned.

Well, if they're gonna
sit here and listen to you,

they ought to have
something to numb them.

Now, you listen to me
just a doggone minute.

Hot diggety dog,
they is at it again!

Jethro, you and your ma
take the sign and go on

and take it out front.

Elly May, you and me
is gonna pick the chairs

and put them in
the front hall there

for Pearl's pupils.

Granny, you pour that
cider back in the barrel.

Gentle!

We don't want to blow
up all of Beverly Hills.

Come on, cider,
back to the still.

If her singing don't stone them,

her cookies will.

It's surprising

what a little cement will
do in the cookie batter.

You think you're such a critic.

Well, just for that...

How do you like it there, Ma?

Well, it's too far
from the street.

How's that?

Take it out to the gate.

Okay, Ma.

Elly May,

your Aunt Pearl
would like you to put on

that pretty new dress
that she made for you

and when the folks
comes in for the lessons,

you give them their numbers.

What numbers?

Well, Pearl wants everybody to
take a number when they come in,

that way it's first
come, first serve,

and won't be nobody
trampled in the rush.

But, Pa, I was gonna take
Duke for a nice long walk

so as Aunt Pearl's yodeling
wouldn't hurt his ears.

Yeah, I reckon it is a
mite piercing for Duke.

Yeah, he can hear sounds
that ain't meant for human ears.

Yeah, and Pearl
can make them, too.

How about Cousin Jethrine
a-handin' out the numbers?

Well, Pearl wants
Jethrine to be a-playin'

and a-singin' as a example
of what her teaching

can do to a person.

Here, Duke.

Come and get it, boy.

Well, how about Granny?

I reckon things will
go a lot smoother

if we keep Granny
away from Pearl.

Where's old Duke?

I've got a used-up
soup bone for him.

I ain't seen him, Granny,

but it ain't like Duke not
to come when you call.

Give me the bone, Granny.

I'll find him.

What about Pearl's numbers?

Well, you give them
out till I get back.

I got to find Duke.

You know, in my born days,

I ain't never seen a youngun

as wild about
critters as that one.

She likes them all.

Dogs, cats, squirrels,
owls, eagles...

I bet she'd even
be friendly to a bat.

She is.

Speaks to Pearl every day.

That's fine, Jethro.

Now, you stay out
here with the sign.

You got your speech memorized?

I think so.

Well, suppose I was to
drive up in a car and stop.

What would you say?

I'd say, Hi, Ma.

When did you learn
how to drive a car?

I ain't your Ma.

You ain't?

I'm pretending I ain't so
you can practice your speech.

Now, start again.

How do you do, sir?

This young beautiful
widow woman here...

What do you mean, sir?

Well, that's what you
wrote for me to learn.

I wrote you two speeches,

one for men, one for women,

I'm a woman.

I'm a man, so I
learned that one.

How do you do, sir?

This young, beautiful
widow woman here...

N-N-Never mind, Jethro.

Just point.

Say, "This way to
the music lessons."

Can you do that?

Yes'm.

Well, do it.

This way to the music...

lessons.

Excuse me, Ma.

I'm sorry, Ma.

Honest to Pete, Jethro.

Duke?

Duke!

Hey, here comes Elly May.

Have y'all seen Duke?

Well, I seen him
run out the front door,

but that was some time back.

Well, Aunt Pearl would you
do me a favor and cut loose

with a short blast of yodeling?

Why, of course.

Thank you, Aunt Pearl.

Sounds like he's over
at the Drysdales' place.

Hey, yonder comes Mrs.
Drysdale driving a car.

Reckon she'd want
to take lessons?

Well, Mr. Drysdale's
right fond of yodeling.

Maybe she will.

Tried to stop.

Purt near went
off the road trying.

Well, that's what you
get for trying to drive

and close the windows
at the same time.

Come on in, Mrs. Drysdale.

Margaret, how nice to see you,

- I was hoping you'd drop...
- Milburn,

I insist that those hillbillies
next door to us be deported.

- Deported?
- At once.

- Well, where to?
- Oh, any place. Pasadena.

- Oh, please Margaret.
- Milburn,

do you realize that
Beverly Hills is preparing

for its semi-centennial
celebration?

- Yes, but...
- And do you realize that the eyes

of the entire world will
be on our famous city?

- Yes.
- Do you realize

that I am the chairwoman
of the celebration committee?

Yes, but...

And do you realize
that famous personages

will be coming to our home
for committee meetings?

Well, answer me, Milburn.

Speak up.
- Oh, yes.

And do you realize that
they will have to pass

the Clampett
home to get to ours?

What's bad about that?

They're out in front,
that's what's bad.

As I drove by just now,

that Pearl woman
screeched at me.

She was probably yodeling.

Well, it frightened me so,

I almost wrecked the car.

Yes, she was
definitely yodeling.

And that brown
mongrel dog of theirs

came running through
our flower beds,

making the most mournful racket.

No, don't worry dear, I'll
take care of everything.

I've already taken care
of that unearthly howling.

I called the dog-catcher.

But, Margaret,

they-they won't take Pearl.

I called the dog-catcher
to take their dog.

Mrs. Drysdale,

the Clampetts prize that animal.

Elly May will be heartbroken.

Then they can
keep it in the house,

as I keep my French poodle.

Mrs. Drysdale, Duke
is a hunting dog.

He's used to the outdoors...

Miss Hathaway, I believe you
have a telephone call to make.

Oh'.!

Oh, yes, right,
Chief. Immediately.

I've also taken care of
that so-called yodeling.

I preferred charges
against Pearl Bodine

for disturbing the peace.

Oh, Margaret.

Elly May, they're starting
to come, hurry down!

Jethrine, commence
a-playin' and a-singin'.

Okay, Ma.

Jethro, you're
supposed to be out front.

And them cookies
is for my students.

I got hungry.

They're crisp.

I reckon Elly's out
lookin' for Duke.

I'll hand out the
numbers for you, Pearl.

Oh, Jed, start with
20 or something,

so it'll look like we're
doing the big business.

Enjoy your free cookie,

and you had a very good lesson!

But, Ma!

Next.

Come in, come in.

Are you Mrs. Pearl Bodine?

Uh, Widow Bodine, they call me.

Are you the one who's
been doing the yodeling?

That's right.

Give him a number.

Here you are.

This is my cousin Jed.

Happy to meet you.

And that there's Granny.

Here you are, mister.

A little cup of cider.

You're gonna need it.

That's one of my best pupils.

Come along.

Come on. Come on in.

What is it? What's the matter?

Chief, I telephoned
the animal shelter.

They get Duke?

Yes, and Elly saw them.

She followed them all the way
to the shelter and proceeded to,

and I quote, "beat
the living daylights

out of the entire staff."

Get over there right away!

Right, Chief.

Did Elly May Clampett do this?

If you mean that wildcat
in blue jeans, she sure did.

She clubbed me
with a bone this big.

Such a shot she gave me.

If the Dodgers are still
looking for a power hitter,

we have found her.

Where is she now?

She's in the cage.

Back there.

You thrust that
child into a cage

like an animal?

Heck no!

She climbed in
to be with the dog,

and we slammed the door and ran.

I'll assume full responsibility
for all costs and damages.

Release her immediately.

You release her.

I wouldn't go near
her without a whip,

a chair, and a pistol.

Don't you worry, Duke.

We'll get out of here.

And when we do...

Elly May!

Over here, Miss Jane.

Did you come to let
Duke and me out?

Yes, but first you
must give me your word

that there will be
no further violence.

Those men out there
were simply doing their duty.

Okay, I won't hurt them no more.

I busted Duke's bone
a-whompin' that big one.

Well, open the other cages.

Well, I can't do that.

Well, Duke and me
ain't comin' out neither.

Elly, dear.

The animals here
receive the very finest care

and the kindest of treatment.

If they were
allowed to run loose,

they might go hungry
or be run over and hurt.

But do they have to
stay here all the time?

No, only until someone
comes along who will pay

for their license and
give them a good home.

I had to open my big mouth.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

Good-bye, now.

You come back, you hear?

Thank you very much, thank you.

Everything all right, Sarge?

Yes, Gray. The nicest
bunch of people I ever met.

Sarge, you haven't
had a nip, have you?

'Course not.

Just a friendly
little sup of kider.

Uh, cup of cider.

I'm taking you to the diner
for a cup of black coffee.

Don't be ridiculous.

Maybe you'd better.

I just saw a car,
and I can swear

there's a dog driving.

Miss Hathaway, is
all them your dogs?

No, Mr. Clampett, they're yours.

Howdy, Pa.

These here's all
friends of Duke and me.

Well, doggies.

Now, we ain't gonna have

no more slappin' or bitin'
or scratchin' or spittin'.

You two's got to learn
to get along together.

Now make up and be friends.

Come on.

Kiss and make up.

Elly May,

I think I got a job I'm
gonna turn over to you.

What's that, Pa?

See if you can get Pearl
and Granny to stop bitin'

and scratchin' at each other.

Folks is a lot harder to
handle than critters, Pa.

That's the truth.

Now you better get all
your dogs and cats outside,

because the house just
ain't a place to keep...

Help, help!

Help, help!

There's a big rat after me!

Help, help,

help save me from the big rat!

This here's a dog, Jethrine.

Don't be scared.

Shame on you, Samson.

You're always bullying somebody.

My baby's screaming...
What's wrong?

Nothing, nothing,
she's all right.

One of them dogs scared me, Ma.

Aww, well, there there,
baby, don't you cry.

Don't you cry.

I tell you, Jed,

this house is full
of cats and dogs.

How am I gonna give
my music lessons?

Well, Elly May's just
fixing to take them all

down by the cement
pond, ain't you, Elly?

Yeah, Pa, I'll just run upstairs
and put on my bathing suit,

and we'll all go
swimming together.

Yeah, but Elly May
was supposed to help me

handle my music pupils.

Well, it don't look like you
is exactly swamped, Pearl.

No, and I can't understand it.

I even cut my prices.

Oh, come on, Jethro.

Just a short ride?

I don't think Ma would like it.

She said somebody's
gotta stay here with the sign.

Just a short ride.

It's a beautiful day.

Gee, I'd sure like
to, but I dasn't.

No.

I'll tell you what.

I'll let you drive my car.

Hot diggety dog,
that does it, I'm going!

Don't leave the sign
or Ma will be mad!

Well, I...

suppose that's
part of his charm.

Danged if you ain't
the biggest thing

I ever did see that
wasn't pullin' a wagon.

Now, you're looking at me as
though you'd like to take me out

and bury me and dig me
up later on and gnaw on me.

Now listen, I got to
get to that ice box.

I'm losin' patience with you,

you big overgrowed lummox!

Now we're gonna see

who's gonna run this kitchen...

You or me.

And I say it's gonna be me!

Come on, fellas,

let's go swimmin'!

Thought we'd forgotten ya, huh?

Well, Elly, did you
get them all now?

Yeah, Aunt Pearl.

Well, thank goodness.

I'll be surprised if
I got any voice left

after all these carryings-on.

Go see Elly.

Rusty, now that you and
Skippy's such good friends,

I bet you you'd like it
fine if you could swim, too.

There ain't no reason

that cats can't swim
just as good as dogs.

It ain't nothing to it.

All you got to do is hold
your head up out of the water,

and all your feet a-kickin'.

Just like Skippy's doing, see?

That there's what you
call the dog paddle.

But for you, we'll
call it the cat paddle.

Water ain't nothin' to be scared
of, if you know how to swim.

Watch and I'll show
you how to do it.

See? Just keep
everything a-movin'.

And hold your head
up out of the water

so's you can see
where you're going.

And that's all there
is to swimmin'.

When you get good enough,

one of these days I'll take
you to the creek or the lake

and you can catch your own fish.

Oh, Aunt Pearl's gonna set
them dogs to howlin' again.

No, no, Sarge, I'll
handle this complaint.

Now, the chief wants that
howling and yodeling stopped.

Mrs. Drysdale's
putting on the pressure.

I can handle it.

Those hillbillies
will just soft soap

and hard cider you again.

They won't get through to me.

I'm a big city boy.

They don't speak my language.

I'm sorry Mrs. Drysdale
got upset about the dogs,

but Elly May can handle them.

Well, she'd better or
I may have to place

her under arrest.

Elly May!

Young feller here that
wants to talk to you.

Howdy.

What you want to say to me?

Young feller?

Hmm?

What you want to
say about the dogs?

What dogs?

I reckon the ones
that's jumpin' up on ya.

Oh, yeah.

Wonderful.

Beautiful.

I love them.

Do you like cats?

I love them.

I got a cat that swims.

Wonderful.

He'd rather swim than eat fish.

Come on, I'll show you.

Young feller?

Don't you want to
see the cat swim?

Who are you kidding?

Cats can't swim.

Critters will do
things for that girl

they wouldn't do
for nobody else.

Come on, Rusty.

Jump in.

Come on, Rusty, that's the way.

Good girl.

Good girl!

Ain't that something?

Sure is.

Now you can tell your friends
you've seen a swimmin' cat.

Who are you kidding?

Cats can't swim.

Well, how'd it go?

Great.

Take care of the dogs?

What dogs?

Don't they have a bunch of dogs?

I didn't see any.

But they got a cat...

that swims.

Get in.

I'm taking you to the
diner for some black coffee.

You know, Pa?

I never did figure out
what that fella wanted.

Oh, he'll be back.

Elly, you got to do
something about that dog.

What's he doin'?

Well, he's diggin' a hole,

and it makes me
powerful nervous.

Granny, all dogs digs holes.

Yeah, but he's diggin'
one just my size.

♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪

♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪

♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪

♪ For kindly droppin' in ♪

♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪

♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪

♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪

♪ Set a spell ♪

♪ Take your shoes off ♪

♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪

This has been a
Filmways presentation.