The Batman (2004–2008): Season 5, Episode 1 - The Batman/Superman Story: Part I - full transcript

One year ago, we faced an alien invasion...

...that almost spelled the
end of the human race.

Of all the cities that were
attacked, our fair Gotham was
the first on the battle lines...

...and the most severely damaged.

Since then, we have restored
many of our buildings...

...though there is still
hard work to be done.

To that end, the good people of
Metropolis, our sister city...

...have raised funds to help us.

And at any moment,
a check for those funds...

...will be flown here by the
Man of Steel himself, Superman.

Wait till they see him, Miss Lane.
The roof's gonna come off the building.



Fan boy.

What are you, un-American? He's Superman.

Yeah? Well, we have our own hero.

The Bat? He's okay, if you like the circus.

Superman's the real deal.

Yeah? If he's so super,
why's he so late?

Clark? Where are you?

Uh, well, Lois,
I got a little problem.

I left my press pass in my other
pants and they won't let me in.

Maybe if you came to vouch for me.

I swear, Clark, it's a wonder you
remember to wear pants at all.

Show's already started. Sorry.

The moment you've been waiting
for has finally arrived.

Here he is, straight from
Metropolis, Superman.



Whoa.

Told you.

Mayor Hill, it is my
great privilege...

...to present this check to the
good people of Gotham City.

What's going on?

The check's been cancelled,
Superman.

And so have you.

This isn't in the program.

Metallo!

In the flesh.

That's right, Perry, Metallo's back.
Stay on the line.

Come on.

Come on.

You don't know how
long I've waited.

What say we take this
somewhere more private?

Looking a little green, Supes.

Me? I love kryptonite.

Can't get enough.

But I guess one man's power
source is another man's poison.

Looking a little rusty, Tin Man.

There's nothing you can do, Batman.

As long as I'm near Supes,
he's finished.

And I'm not moving another inch.

Suit yourself.

Do you see what I see?

Let's do it.

Huh?

Get that as far away from here as you can.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Let him go.

No.

He isn't even scratched, just powered down.

An internal battery will keep him alive.
Where's the kryptonite?

Don't worry. We got it.

I want it.

You're not very trusting.

Not when it comes to that,
Mr. Wayne.

Hey, you two.

How about a handshake?

Make a great page one.

I'll get it to you within 24 hours.

- Where?
- I'll find you.

Whoa.

Nice ride.

What?

After all that work to
get Metallo powered up...

...he's stopped by a
clown in a bat suit.

What happened to my kryptonite?

It's probably with Superman by now.

But we still have a
few small pieces left.

And some dust.

Barely enough to
give him a headache.

There's no one left to challenge
the Kryptonian anymore.

No allies of any strength or cunning,
not here, not in Metropolis.

I'm on my own.

Unless....

Mercy, get my jet ready.

We're going to be spending some
time at our Gotham division.

That's where we'll find
the answer to our problem.

I can't believe he peeked under your mask.

That is so not cool.

It's Superman's way of saying he
knows how to find me if he wants to.

I'd like to even
that playing field.

This is the new tech lab? Kicking.

Having fun?

A blast.

You've been busy, Lucius.

You said you wanted to be prepared
if there's another alien invasion.

These are just prototypes.
But I'd say we're making headway.

Whoa. This has gotta be for me.

It's a jetpack, right?
Please tell me it's a jetpack.

- A jetpack and rocket launcher.
- Yes!

I know you didn't
come here for a tour.

What's up?

I need this gift-wrapped.

In lead.

Fascinating.

- What you looking at?
- Metropolis.

What are those?

Supersonic disturbances.

This particular satellite picks up
objects moving faster than sound.

Usually they indicate jet craft...

...but in Metropolis,
almost all of them come from Superman.

Here's his pattern for
the last 48 hours.

He gets around.

What's that place?

- The Daily Planet.
- That's where Lois Lane works.

I heard he likes her.
But not that much.

That's not the only
place he frequents.

Are you sure you're okay?

I got it. Uh, by the way, Lois...

...there's a cable special
on the long-eared jerboa.

- I was wondering if--
- Gee, I'd love to.

But, um, I have to,
uh, wash my hair.

Whoa!

Huh. And they call me
a split personality.

Mr. Wayne.

You really are the world's
greatest detective.

Here it is, like you asked.
It's sealed in lead.

You can take a peek if you want,
but I wouldn't advise opening it.

I'll take your word.

I didn't think you
were the trusting kind.

By the way, the Justice League is about
to have its first official meeting.

I heard the Martian invited you,
but you declined.

I prefer to work alone.

So did I, once.

But I found out you never know
when you might need a friend.

What are you doing here so late?

I could ask you the same thing.
Pretty young lady alone in the building.

I'm e-mailing Luthor. We were supposed
to have an interview tomorrow.

He left for Gotham a few days ago,
so I wanted to see if he could reschedule.

That's funny. I heard you
were going to Gotham too.

Not me. I just got back last week.

No, I'm sure of it.

Greetings from Gotham, Miss Lane.

You can call me Black Mask.

Woo-hoo!

Just call me Rocket Robin.

All right, Rocket.

Time to come down to Earth.
We've got a city to patrol.

But there's nothing happening down there.

Even you said it's been
quieter than the Batcave.

Hey, why don't I
patrol from up here?

Got the whole sky to myself. Whoa!

I've got an idea for the
next prototype: barf bags.

Ninety seconds. Not bad.

I don't think that's going
to do you much good.

Oh, but this was made-to-order.

Feeling strange, Superman?

That energy blast mimics
radiation from a red sun.

Your powers have
been temporarily cut.

Now, Freeze,
before he fully recovers.

He's too weak to melt his way out.

- He'll suffocate for sure.
- Oh....

No.

All right. Round two.

No wonder it's been so quiet lately.
Here's where the party is.

Not so fast.

Huh?

Ew.

You okay?

Nothing a hot shower won't fix. And you?

Feeling no pain.

So why the sudden interest
in Superman, Black Mask?

Getting tired of me?

He's working with Luthor.

- Luthor?
- They were talking on the phone.

Luthor's been here in
Gotham since last week.

That would explain
where he got this.

I think I should
pay Luthor a visit.

Maybe we both should.

He's not much for
conversation, is he?

Like you should talk.

I take it Miss Lane is
alive and well, once again.

You've gone too far this time, Lex.

But I'm on your side, Superman.

In fact, I've been doing some
criminal-capturing myself.

Miss Poison Ivy.

A fiery little flower.

She had the silly notion she
could defeat you with this.

Plant spores, the
mind-controlling variety.

Of course, they would never work on you.

You're invulnerable to spores
and germs and bacteria.

Unless they were laced with kryptonite dust.

That's right, Superman.

That was my contribution.

At first I wanted you destroyed.

But then when Miss Ivy came to me
at the eleventh hour with this...

...I saw new possibilities.

Of course, I couldn't let
her have all the fun.

I wanted to control you myself.

Look at me when I talk to you.

Bow to me.

I said, bow, you alien swine.

It's far too quiet.

Superman's not exactly Mr. Yappy.

Maybe he's tossed Luthor in
jail and left for Metropolis.

We would've heard
over the police band.

Something's not right.

We need a closer look.

Lukewarm.

Luthor hasn't been gone long.

Everything's so neat and clean.
You'd think Alfred lived here.

You still at it? You really
are a creature of the night.

I found some residue in Luthor's test tube.

Porphyrin rings with
a magnesium center.

- Middle school.
- Chlorophyll.

Chlorophyll? You mean plants?

Yes, maybe poison plants.

If Ivy's involved,
we might have to take precautions.

Suit up.

- Where we going?
- Luthor's weapons lab here in town.

Lucius tells me they've
been working overtime.

Away from prying eyes. And x-ray eyes too.

You with me, Robin?

Got your back.

And you, keep the north entrance covered.

No one gets in.

How are we doing, Mercy?

All systems are go, Lex.

We even have perfect weather.

Then let's get them activated.

Let me out. Let me out!

Aaah!

I injected a flash dehydrant made
especially for you, Clayface.

You'll be okay. Just add water.

Looking for someone?

Ivy's mind-control spores,
laced with kryptonite.

So you are as clever as they say.

He was a little
resistant last night...

...so I thought I'd give
him an extended dose.

What are you up to, Luthor?

Saving the world, Batman.

You saw how helpless it was
during the alien invasion.

We had no central control,
no plan of attack.

Instead we put our faith in aliens.

Well, no more.

Only humans should be in
charge of Earth's destiny.

Humans with robots.

Oh, they're more than just robots, Batman.

They're powerful aerial
wireless transmitters.

Once aloft, they'll target the
most strategic military
installations in the world.

At which point, they'll interface with the
defense systems on the ground...

...giving me complete control.

I don't expect everyone to understand
what I'm doing at first.

But in the end, we'll have a
single worldwide army.

One that will insure protection
against aliens.

No one will dominate
the Earth again.

Except for you.

Well, someone has to be in charge.

And who could stop me except for Superman?

And he may turn out to be the
most valuable robot of all.

Destroy him.

Find him. Break him.

Robin, can you hear me? We have a problem.

You're not kidding.

Oh, no.

Gotcha.

See? Nothing to it.

Look. Up in the sky.

Awesome.

Hey, Superdude, you okay?

Whoa. Check out the bling-bling.

Hello? That's kryptonite.

Oh-ho. What do we do, man?

Kick it in the water.

All right, Superdude!

Give me five. Yeah!

- Yeah, cool.
- Rock it, man.

- That was gnarly.
- Yeah, we did it. Oh!

What are we here for?

Insurance.

So that's where you got the kryptonite from.

- I thought you gave it to Superman.
- It was a fake.

I decided to hang on to the
real thing in case of....

That.

He's gonna blow.

I got it.

Whoa!

When he gets out, he's not gonna be happy.

I have an idea how to stop him.
But I've gotta get him out of here.

- What do I do?
- Maybe you can slow him down.

Got him, Batman.

Aah!

No one knows why they're fighting, folks.

But it looks like a clash of
titans from up here.

Should we delay the countdown?

Not on your life.

No man in a tin can is going
to beat the Man of Steel.

And if their battle distracts the city,
so much the better.

We proceed as scheduled.

Hey, Blue Boy.

Cool.

You get a raise.

I get paid?

Come on.

Eww. Is this where
you were leading him?

What are you gonna do,
stink him into submission?

Something like that.

Here we are.

Put on your mask.

Aah!

What's going on?

That cured him?

Luthor had you under the spell of Poison
Ivy's mind-controlling plant spores.

But I just doused you with atrazine,
a basic component of plant killers.

It wiped out the spores.

I owe you one.

Wasn't just me.

I guess teamwork does have its advantages.

Thirty seconds to launch, Lex.

You should pay attention, Miss Ivy.

History is being made.

And you provided the
seeds of change.

Opening silo.

Ten seconds to liftoff.

I'll handle those. See if you
can stop them from the inside.

Aah!

No! They have to take him out.

I'll put them all on him.

Might wanna cover your ears.

Keep on them.

Lex! What about me?

That must be the daddy.

Move!

Two seconds to hyperdrive.

Program failure.
Command terminated.

What?

Warning. Warning.

Virus detected. Warning.

You can't leave without
saying goodbye.

Morning.
- That when it is?

Who can tell up here?

Have you seen today's headlines?

Been a little busy, Dick.

The Lex has been tossed in jail
with Ivy and the others.

Who says there's no good news?

If you need some help up there, I could--

No, thanks. I've got a visitor.

Out.

So this is what all the excitement's about.

Still a work in progress,
but it will do for now.

I asked you here because I
wanted to give you this.

The real kryptonite.
I dug it up from my lab.

Found the piece in the river too.

You keep it.

At least then I'll know it's
with someone who's on my side.

Now, tell me about this
Justice Team of yours.

League. Justice League.

I told the Martian it
sounded like a ball club.

Anyway, this is our command center.
Someone's always stationed here.

It's time-consuming, but the view's great.