The Batman (2004–2008): Season 3, Episode 3 - A Dark Knight to Remember - full transcript
After a physical trauma causes him to forget he's The Batman, Bruce Wayne finds himself kidnapped by Penguin. Batgirl rescues the "helpless" amnesiac billionaire but is captured herself.
Ever since Batbreath
got that signal,
my lead-time's
been chopped in half.
Hurry, ladies, hurry.
That's it,
put your backs into it.
Careful,
that penguin's pure crystal.
What's that?
Oh, no.
The statue, Penguin.
Give it up.
Actually,
it would be more fun
if he makes us take it from him.
Don't look so surprised.
You knew I'd be back.
I heard you got some backup,
Batman.
But no one told me
it was your baby sister.
Chop 'em into chum.
When do I get one?
Watch them.
You get to do all the fun stuff.
All right, keep the statue.
Batman.
Yes, he's all right.
It's just you and me, girls.
Huh?
Master Bruce.
Alfred?
Ah, you know my name.
Then it would seem that nasty
bump has caused no memory loss.
What happened?
Virtually no memory loss.
I'm afraid that your latest
nocturnal escapade
went somewhat awry,
Master Bruce.
But some bed rest
shall do you good.
No, no can do, Alfred.
It'll be dark soon,
and, well, you know me.
I can't wait
to tackle the night.
Ah, yes, yes. The night
which belongs to the Batman.
The Batman?
The night belongs
to Bruce Wayne.
I'd know that look
of yours anywhere, Pop.
You're about to raise the roof
on this place.
So commissioner, this must be
your lovely daughter.
Brucey,
where have you been hiding?
Heh. Gotta run.
Bruce Wayne, he's the man.
I'll get us some punch, Barb.
Bruce Wayne is the man.
Muscles on his muscles.
Rich enough to finance
all his gadgets.
And has a jaw I'd know anywhere.
Brucey.
You are so totally the Batman.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome
to The Gotham Music Awards.
The next band soared to success
with six gold records.
Give it up for...
Ozzy and the Cobblepots?
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
Penguin. All right, Bruce.
Showtime.
You know,
I prefer a captive audience.
Cash, gold, jewelry.
Your money's all good here.
I hope the Batman shows.
So do I.
Don't tell me you're gonna
change under here?
Let's not play hero,
commissioner.
I'll leave that to the Batman.
Bat-guano won't be showing up
tonight, or ever again.
Yeah, right.
What?
That's right, Gordy.
I personally took care of him.
Hello.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my old pal,
Bruce Wayne.
Forget that junk.
We've got Wayne,
the human piggy bank.
Okay,
so maybe he's not the Batman.
Sorry, hon, duty calls.
As soon as those doors open,
what're you gonna do?
Go home, lock up,
and wait 'til I hear from you.
Good girl.
Penguin's ride had to leave
a heat trail.
And with a few items
from Barbara Gordon's
photography class...
voilà.
Dah!
Don't you just love
Gotham Zoo at night?
No crowds.
Okay, w-w-whoa,
wait, wait, wait.
Name your price, Penguin.
I'll cut you a check.
One with lots and lots
of zeroes.
Oh, that's very reasonable
of you, Wayne.
How do I know this is good?
I'll need to see some I.D.
Maybe Wayne didn't have
his costume handy
but he's gotta bust out
with some butt-kick now.
So, you'll let me go?
Uh, yeah, about that... I lied.
Eh?
The Batbrat.
Oh, ladies?
Hurry,
Mr. Wayne get yourself to...
safety.
I thought he was the Batman?
Wayne's no loss,
not when I have the chance
to exterminate this town's
bat population
once and for all.
You just left behind
the kid who saved you.
Bruce, you're a coward.
Gotham police.
It's been two hours.
Shut it off.
Sir, I am a bit perplexed
as to why you did not
summon your other car.
And why did you not
trounce that troll
when he crashed the event
in the first place?
Because he's a homicidal troll,
Alfred.
And how, I ask, is that
different from the garbage
the Batman faces every night?
Well, unfortunately,
the Batman wasn't at the party
so I couldn't ask him.
I mean,
what was I supposed to do?
Take Penguin out
with my golf swing?
Oh, dear. Your accident.
We must return
to the mansion at once.
They say that seeing
is believing, Master Bruce.
The Batcave.
How did all this get down here?
You built it, sir.
Heh.
Well, th-that's ridiculous.
I'm wealthy.
I run a successful company. I...
Why would I want to go out
at night dressed...
like a bat?
Because you have a need
to save people.
No, no, not me.
I'm not a hero.
I don't have
that kind of courage.
Your courage seems
to have gone missing
with your memory of the bat.
This just in.
Penguin here,
with a warning to any future
bats-in-training.
I started the week by getting
rid of the Batman.
And now I'm finishing it
by doing the same to the
Batgirl.
So tune in
at the stroke of midnight
for the final chapter of
the Beak beats the Bats.
Master Bruce,
it's the clock at the Salty Bird
Sardine Company.
Sir, I do not know
how else to put this.
The Batgirl is counting on you.
Perhaps it is time
to regain your courage.
Perhaps it is time
to channel your inner bat.
Nope. Sorry. I'm not feeling it.
Sir.
Jolly good reflexes.
Alfred, h-how did I...?
Apparently, your inner bat
is just aching to fly out.
Hopefully this will be
like riding a bicycle.
- Observe, my dear.
- An ostrich egg.
Hard as bone.
Heh-heh-heh.
Tie her up, ladies.
Inner bat, do your thing.
Batman?
You're supposed to be
pushing up clams.
Well, if he's here to save
Batgirl, it's too late.
I'm guessing those
weren't the smoke pellets.
Hurry, Batman, you're about
to have three sidekicks.
Yeah, what kind of hero are you,
anyway?
You're a coward.
Regain your courage.
What kind of hero are you,
anyway?
Like riding a bicycle.
So that's what took you so long?
You rode your bike?
Oh, no.
Get this cuckoo to Arkham
where he belongs.
At least you didn't turn out
to be Bruce Wayne.
Dude needs to invest
in a serious spine.
I try not to judge.
Just tell me
that one day
I'll get to meet the man
behind the bat.
Who says I'm a man?
got that signal,
my lead-time's
been chopped in half.
Hurry, ladies, hurry.
That's it,
put your backs into it.
Careful,
that penguin's pure crystal.
What's that?
Oh, no.
The statue, Penguin.
Give it up.
Actually,
it would be more fun
if he makes us take it from him.
Don't look so surprised.
You knew I'd be back.
I heard you got some backup,
Batman.
But no one told me
it was your baby sister.
Chop 'em into chum.
When do I get one?
Watch them.
You get to do all the fun stuff.
All right, keep the statue.
Batman.
Yes, he's all right.
It's just you and me, girls.
Huh?
Master Bruce.
Alfred?
Ah, you know my name.
Then it would seem that nasty
bump has caused no memory loss.
What happened?
Virtually no memory loss.
I'm afraid that your latest
nocturnal escapade
went somewhat awry,
Master Bruce.
But some bed rest
shall do you good.
No, no can do, Alfred.
It'll be dark soon,
and, well, you know me.
I can't wait
to tackle the night.
Ah, yes, yes. The night
which belongs to the Batman.
The Batman?
The night belongs
to Bruce Wayne.
I'd know that look
of yours anywhere, Pop.
You're about to raise the roof
on this place.
So commissioner, this must be
your lovely daughter.
Brucey,
where have you been hiding?
Heh. Gotta run.
Bruce Wayne, he's the man.
I'll get us some punch, Barb.
Bruce Wayne is the man.
Muscles on his muscles.
Rich enough to finance
all his gadgets.
And has a jaw I'd know anywhere.
Brucey.
You are so totally the Batman.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome
to The Gotham Music Awards.
The next band soared to success
with six gold records.
Give it up for...
Ozzy and the Cobblepots?
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
Penguin. All right, Bruce.
Showtime.
You know,
I prefer a captive audience.
Cash, gold, jewelry.
Your money's all good here.
I hope the Batman shows.
So do I.
Don't tell me you're gonna
change under here?
Let's not play hero,
commissioner.
I'll leave that to the Batman.
Bat-guano won't be showing up
tonight, or ever again.
Yeah, right.
What?
That's right, Gordy.
I personally took care of him.
Hello.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my old pal,
Bruce Wayne.
Forget that junk.
We've got Wayne,
the human piggy bank.
Okay,
so maybe he's not the Batman.
Sorry, hon, duty calls.
As soon as those doors open,
what're you gonna do?
Go home, lock up,
and wait 'til I hear from you.
Good girl.
Penguin's ride had to leave
a heat trail.
And with a few items
from Barbara Gordon's
photography class...
voilà.
Dah!
Don't you just love
Gotham Zoo at night?
No crowds.
Okay, w-w-whoa,
wait, wait, wait.
Name your price, Penguin.
I'll cut you a check.
One with lots and lots
of zeroes.
Oh, that's very reasonable
of you, Wayne.
How do I know this is good?
I'll need to see some I.D.
Maybe Wayne didn't have
his costume handy
but he's gotta bust out
with some butt-kick now.
So, you'll let me go?
Uh, yeah, about that... I lied.
Eh?
The Batbrat.
Oh, ladies?
Hurry,
Mr. Wayne get yourself to...
safety.
I thought he was the Batman?
Wayne's no loss,
not when I have the chance
to exterminate this town's
bat population
once and for all.
You just left behind
the kid who saved you.
Bruce, you're a coward.
Gotham police.
It's been two hours.
Shut it off.
Sir, I am a bit perplexed
as to why you did not
summon your other car.
And why did you not
trounce that troll
when he crashed the event
in the first place?
Because he's a homicidal troll,
Alfred.
And how, I ask, is that
different from the garbage
the Batman faces every night?
Well, unfortunately,
the Batman wasn't at the party
so I couldn't ask him.
I mean,
what was I supposed to do?
Take Penguin out
with my golf swing?
Oh, dear. Your accident.
We must return
to the mansion at once.
They say that seeing
is believing, Master Bruce.
The Batcave.
How did all this get down here?
You built it, sir.
Heh.
Well, th-that's ridiculous.
I'm wealthy.
I run a successful company. I...
Why would I want to go out
at night dressed...
like a bat?
Because you have a need
to save people.
No, no, not me.
I'm not a hero.
I don't have
that kind of courage.
Your courage seems
to have gone missing
with your memory of the bat.
This just in.
Penguin here,
with a warning to any future
bats-in-training.
I started the week by getting
rid of the Batman.
And now I'm finishing it
by doing the same to the
Batgirl.
So tune in
at the stroke of midnight
for the final chapter of
the Beak beats the Bats.
Master Bruce,
it's the clock at the Salty Bird
Sardine Company.
Sir, I do not know
how else to put this.
The Batgirl is counting on you.
Perhaps it is time
to regain your courage.
Perhaps it is time
to channel your inner bat.
Nope. Sorry. I'm not feeling it.
Sir.
Jolly good reflexes.
Alfred, h-how did I...?
Apparently, your inner bat
is just aching to fly out.
Hopefully this will be
like riding a bicycle.
- Observe, my dear.
- An ostrich egg.
Hard as bone.
Heh-heh-heh.
Tie her up, ladies.
Inner bat, do your thing.
Batman?
You're supposed to be
pushing up clams.
Well, if he's here to save
Batgirl, it's too late.
I'm guessing those
weren't the smoke pellets.
Hurry, Batman, you're about
to have three sidekicks.
Yeah, what kind of hero are you,
anyway?
You're a coward.
Regain your courage.
What kind of hero are you,
anyway?
Like riding a bicycle.
So that's what took you so long?
You rode your bike?
Oh, no.
Get this cuckoo to Arkham
where he belongs.
At least you didn't turn out
to be Bruce Wayne.
Dude needs to invest
in a serious spine.
I try not to judge.
Just tell me
that one day
I'll get to meet the man
behind the bat.
Who says I'm a man?