The Batman (2004–2008): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Icy Depths - full transcript
When Alfred joins Ewan Fripp, an "old school chum" and world renowned treasure hunter, on his latest adventure, the pair find themselves in a race with Penguin and Mr. Freeze to locate a fortune which has been long hidden somewhere in Gotham.
The next lot up for auction:
A mid-19th century
gentleman's bumbershoot.
Featuring unique engraved
ivory handle
with jewel inlay.
Bidding begins at 50,000.
Do I hear 50?
Fifty.
Do I hear 55?
Fifty-five. Sixty?
Sixty. Sixty-five?
Sixty-five. Seventy?
Seventy. Do I hear 75?
Seventy-five.
Going once.
Going twice.
A buck 50.
Uh, sold?
Never can have too many
umbrellas.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I am going once,
going tw... Huh?
Going back to Arkham.
Says you.
Never get between a collector
and his prize, Batman.
What do you know?
A sunshade to keep me cool.
Freeze?
Have an ice evening.
What? I stole it first.
Penguin's interest is obvious,
but umbrellas don't seem
to complement your winter wear.
This one does.
Brrrrr. Argh!
It's mine.
Oh.
Why isn't it here?
Alfie. Alfie Pennyworth.
Well, don't you recognize me?
Ewan?
Ewan Fripp?
In the flesh.
You're looking fit,
if a bit thin on top.
You've done well for yourself,
old chum.
This is the Wayne family
mansion.
I am their butler.
Just winding you up, Alfie.
So how long has it been?
Thirty-six years.
What brings you to Gotham City,
Ewan?
Historic artifacts
is my game.
And since I was out this way,
I thought
why not look up
my old school chum?
How very considerate.
And come to find out,
one of the only known copies
of a very rare book
I need for my research
is said to be
in the Wayne collection.
How very coincidental.
The code.
Three numbers.
Four.
Twenty-two.
Seventeen.
Map seventeen.
Level four.
Tunnel 22.
Good show.
You must be Ewan.
It's great to meet
an old friend of Alfred's.
Many thanks for loaning
your library, Mr. Wayne.
Alas, I must really be off.
A shame you can't join me
on my Gotham adventure,
old chum.
Well, I don't want it to be
another 36 years
before you two get
this opportunity.
Go ahead, Alfred.
Take the afternoon off.
Heh-heh. Yes, do.
For old times' sake.
I say, Ewan,
your research takes you
to some rather
grimy grottos.
You pilfered that page
from Master Bruce.
Nearly through,
old chum.
Promise to return it.
Now, look here, Ewan,
I demand to know
just what kind of artifacts
we're looking for.
Treasure.
Stolen from the royal palace
over a hundred years ago.
Her Majesty's royal palace?
Stolen by whom?
I know that crest.
The Cobblepots.
A numeric code.
But for what?
For a map of Gotham's
old utility tunnels.
A Chesterfield Cobblepot stole
the treasure in 1879
and smuggled it here
to Gotham.
I can't help but wonder if
a certain Cobblepot descendant
knows about this.
Well, wonder no more,
Pennyworth.
Blast.
Thanks for leading me
to my family fortune, gents.
But what are you doing here,
Pennyworth?
Seeing to it
that stolen property
is returned
to queen and country.
Stolen shmolen.
It's in the family now.
It's mine.
A missing page?
Ewan.
Alfred.
I know Wayne's butler.
What's your game?
Historic artifacts is my game,
Mr. Cobblepot.
In fact,
I regret to inform you
that you shan't be able
to open the vault
without my help.
Think I don't know
how to operate
a family heirloom?
It's not just
an umbrella.
It's a key.
Show me the money.
What? Where is it?
Bah! Junk.
There's supposed to be gold.
Silver. Jewels.
There's gotta be a secret
compartment. Huh?
No!
Jolly good.
Think that was good,
Alfie?
Get a load of this.
Ah! We'll see who thinks
he's Mr. Fancy now.
I'll get him.
The lighthouse.
I see.
Brilliant.
My word.
What does it mean?
We'd better split up.
Here, take this.
What? Why?
Eh, come back.
A left at the next junction,
then straight on to...
Agh!
- Ohhh!
- Where is it?
Don't have the umbrella.
You may want to pursue
the other chap.
The butler?
I somehow doubt
historic artifacts
are his game.
Batman?
Another treasure hunter?
Would you believe...
a butler?
Lead me to the treasure,
butler.
Really,
I know nothing about it.
Oh!
I think you do.
Well, there was some mention
of a lighthouse. Mmm.
I-if this symbol represents
the lighthouse we are in,
this one must be
just over yonder.
There it is.
The old cathedral.
The lines must intersect
at the treasure's location.
But how would we ever...?
X marks the spot,
indeed.
In the middle of the harbor?
Thanks for marking the spot,
Freezie.
It shall be the spot
of your watery grave, Penguin.
Chesterfield Cobblepot
deliberately
sank his schooner
rather than be captured
by American authorities.
And used physical landmarks
to fix its location
for later retrieval.
Chesty was a clever old bird.
A shame that walking snowman's
too late to stop me
from reclaiming my fortune.
Ahhh! Doh!
Oh, dear.
He may never find me.
I'm not much of a swimmer.
Ungh! No one gets between
me and my fortune.
No one!
A little help, Ewan.
What are you up to?
Ah.
Jolly good.
You all right?
That should teach you
to give me the day off.
You'll be safe here.
But the treasure, Batman,
is down there
and I must recover it.
For historical purposes,
of course.
Are you daft?
It is dangerous down there.
Did you not hear
the fellow in the bat costume
instruct us to stay behind?
Huh?
The treasure ship.
Wow.
Flawless.
The Tudor royal diamonds.
A legend made real.
Hey, ice pop.
I'll never share
my little nest egg.
Oh, mama.
Ah, pretty.
Ah-ha-ha!
Pretty, pretty.
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Your demise may warm
even my heart.
Why won't you stay melted?
The diamonds are mine.
No. They're all mine.
Mine. Mine.
Thought you two
could use a referee.
Go on then...
bring it.
What are you doing?
Don't tell me
you don't help yourself
to the master's silver
now and then, old chum?
I most certainly
do not.
Well, it might do you
some good.
And a trouncing
might do you some good.
If the ice continues to melt
at this rate,
the bay could collapse on us
with the force of a tidal wave.
I've come this far, Bat.
That's a chance
I'm willing to take.
We leave or we drown.
You like treasure, Freezie?
Then you'll love
this necklace.
No fair.
Almost there.
Maybe we should split
the treasure.
Echhh!
You and your stupid ice.
It's all your fault!
Oh, shut up.
The treasure is scattered
to the depths.
As good as lost.
Sometimes it is best
to let what's past be past.
And I suggest
that the same apply
to you and me...
old chum.
A mid-19th century
gentleman's bumbershoot.
Featuring unique engraved
ivory handle
with jewel inlay.
Bidding begins at 50,000.
Do I hear 50?
Fifty.
Do I hear 55?
Fifty-five. Sixty?
Sixty. Sixty-five?
Sixty-five. Seventy?
Seventy. Do I hear 75?
Seventy-five.
Going once.
Going twice.
A buck 50.
Uh, sold?
Never can have too many
umbrellas.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I am going once,
going tw... Huh?
Going back to Arkham.
Says you.
Never get between a collector
and his prize, Batman.
What do you know?
A sunshade to keep me cool.
Freeze?
Have an ice evening.
What? I stole it first.
Penguin's interest is obvious,
but umbrellas don't seem
to complement your winter wear.
This one does.
Brrrrr. Argh!
It's mine.
Oh.
Why isn't it here?
Alfie. Alfie Pennyworth.
Well, don't you recognize me?
Ewan?
Ewan Fripp?
In the flesh.
You're looking fit,
if a bit thin on top.
You've done well for yourself,
old chum.
This is the Wayne family
mansion.
I am their butler.
Just winding you up, Alfie.
So how long has it been?
Thirty-six years.
What brings you to Gotham City,
Ewan?
Historic artifacts
is my game.
And since I was out this way,
I thought
why not look up
my old school chum?
How very considerate.
And come to find out,
one of the only known copies
of a very rare book
I need for my research
is said to be
in the Wayne collection.
How very coincidental.
The code.
Three numbers.
Four.
Twenty-two.
Seventeen.
Map seventeen.
Level four.
Tunnel 22.
Good show.
You must be Ewan.
It's great to meet
an old friend of Alfred's.
Many thanks for loaning
your library, Mr. Wayne.
Alas, I must really be off.
A shame you can't join me
on my Gotham adventure,
old chum.
Well, I don't want it to be
another 36 years
before you two get
this opportunity.
Go ahead, Alfred.
Take the afternoon off.
Heh-heh. Yes, do.
For old times' sake.
I say, Ewan,
your research takes you
to some rather
grimy grottos.
You pilfered that page
from Master Bruce.
Nearly through,
old chum.
Promise to return it.
Now, look here, Ewan,
I demand to know
just what kind of artifacts
we're looking for.
Treasure.
Stolen from the royal palace
over a hundred years ago.
Her Majesty's royal palace?
Stolen by whom?
I know that crest.
The Cobblepots.
A numeric code.
But for what?
For a map of Gotham's
old utility tunnels.
A Chesterfield Cobblepot stole
the treasure in 1879
and smuggled it here
to Gotham.
I can't help but wonder if
a certain Cobblepot descendant
knows about this.
Well, wonder no more,
Pennyworth.
Blast.
Thanks for leading me
to my family fortune, gents.
But what are you doing here,
Pennyworth?
Seeing to it
that stolen property
is returned
to queen and country.
Stolen shmolen.
It's in the family now.
It's mine.
A missing page?
Ewan.
Alfred.
I know Wayne's butler.
What's your game?
Historic artifacts is my game,
Mr. Cobblepot.
In fact,
I regret to inform you
that you shan't be able
to open the vault
without my help.
Think I don't know
how to operate
a family heirloom?
It's not just
an umbrella.
It's a key.
Show me the money.
What? Where is it?
Bah! Junk.
There's supposed to be gold.
Silver. Jewels.
There's gotta be a secret
compartment. Huh?
No!
Jolly good.
Think that was good,
Alfie?
Get a load of this.
Ah! We'll see who thinks
he's Mr. Fancy now.
I'll get him.
The lighthouse.
I see.
Brilliant.
My word.
What does it mean?
We'd better split up.
Here, take this.
What? Why?
Eh, come back.
A left at the next junction,
then straight on to...
Agh!
- Ohhh!
- Where is it?
Don't have the umbrella.
You may want to pursue
the other chap.
The butler?
I somehow doubt
historic artifacts
are his game.
Batman?
Another treasure hunter?
Would you believe...
a butler?
Lead me to the treasure,
butler.
Really,
I know nothing about it.
Oh!
I think you do.
Well, there was some mention
of a lighthouse. Mmm.
I-if this symbol represents
the lighthouse we are in,
this one must be
just over yonder.
There it is.
The old cathedral.
The lines must intersect
at the treasure's location.
But how would we ever...?
X marks the spot,
indeed.
In the middle of the harbor?
Thanks for marking the spot,
Freezie.
It shall be the spot
of your watery grave, Penguin.
Chesterfield Cobblepot
deliberately
sank his schooner
rather than be captured
by American authorities.
And used physical landmarks
to fix its location
for later retrieval.
Chesty was a clever old bird.
A shame that walking snowman's
too late to stop me
from reclaiming my fortune.
Ahhh! Doh!
Oh, dear.
He may never find me.
I'm not much of a swimmer.
Ungh! No one gets between
me and my fortune.
No one!
A little help, Ewan.
What are you up to?
Ah.
Jolly good.
You all right?
That should teach you
to give me the day off.
You'll be safe here.
But the treasure, Batman,
is down there
and I must recover it.
For historical purposes,
of course.
Are you daft?
It is dangerous down there.
Did you not hear
the fellow in the bat costume
instruct us to stay behind?
Huh?
The treasure ship.
Wow.
Flawless.
The Tudor royal diamonds.
A legend made real.
Hey, ice pop.
I'll never share
my little nest egg.
Oh, mama.
Ah, pretty.
Ah-ha-ha!
Pretty, pretty.
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Your demise may warm
even my heart.
Why won't you stay melted?
The diamonds are mine.
No. They're all mine.
Mine. Mine.
Thought you two
could use a referee.
Go on then...
bring it.
What are you doing?
Don't tell me
you don't help yourself
to the master's silver
now and then, old chum?
I most certainly
do not.
Well, it might do you
some good.
And a trouncing
might do you some good.
If the ice continues to melt
at this rate,
the bay could collapse on us
with the force of a tidal wave.
I've come this far, Bat.
That's a chance
I'm willing to take.
We leave or we drown.
You like treasure, Freezie?
Then you'll love
this necklace.
No fair.
Almost there.
Maybe we should split
the treasure.
Echhh!
You and your stupid ice.
It's all your fault!
Oh, shut up.
The treasure is scattered
to the depths.
As good as lost.
Sometimes it is best
to let what's past be past.
And I suggest
that the same apply
to you and me...
old chum.