The Batman (2004–2008): Season 3, Episode 10 - Thunder - full transcript
As mayor of Gotham City,
I have many duties.
But none tastier than judging
our annual chili cook-off.
Mm.
Too hot! Too hot!
Jo...
Joke...
It's Joker!
Five-alarm ha-ha-jalapeño
fire mouth.
I'll put it out.
You really should know better,
Mr. Mayor.
Chili always gives you gas.
Huh?
Batsy?
Punch. Judy.
Oh!
Now, open wide and say "ha."
Stop me if you've heard
this one.
Should have stopped me.
Just look at Batsy and Bitsy.
The teamwork.
The footwork.
I want my own Mini-Me.
Punch. Judy.
Eat my dust, Bats!
So, what's the plan
to take down Jo...?
Nice to be a part of the team.
Must be nice to have someone
to watch your back,
to mold in your own likeness.
Well, if you have a sidekick,
Batsy,
I want one too.
You two don't count.
You're not sidekicks,
you're goons.
I just know somewhere out there
is a Joker Junior
just waiting for me
to take him under my wing.
Which would make
the factored equation
2-times-X
minus 8-times-X, minus 5.
I rock.
Excellent, Barbara.
Hilarious.
Donnie.
Now, who would like
to solve for X?
Oh, I... I know, I know, I know,
I know!
X equals P-yew.
No, Donnie, X equals
one week of detention.
Oh, Mr. Harms, isn't that harsh
punishment for the class clown?
Gee, Donnie,
I thought you had to be funny
to be the class clown.
You people don't know funny.
I'll just go somewhere they do.
Gee, that's funny?
Pathetic.
And the mathematician says,
"X equals P-yew."
You stink!
Hey, you're gonna miss
the best part.
Prop comedy.
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
Kid, you have
some real potential.
And I know funny.
You're... You're...
A comic, who only wants
to make people laugh,
just like you.
I'll bet no one
gets your jokes either.
Instead of laughs,
I usually get detention.
See? You get sent to detention,
I get sent to the asylum.
And for what? Trying to
bring a little joy
into this miserable world.
Donnie, is it?
How would you like to learn
from the best?
Be my, uh, apprentice.
Uh... a-a-apprentice?
Uh, I... I don't know. I...
Chew on it awhile.
You'll see me around.
Same time tomorrow, Donnie.
I'm sure we'll have
another barrel of laughs.
Shh!
Hey! Let me down! Let me down!
Get me down!
That was classic.
See how much fun we could have?
Join team Joker.
It'll be a hoot.
Thought I might find you
brooding in this part of town.
Joker's going to strike again.
The question is, where?
Well, two heads
are better than one
when they're on separate bodies.
And this is where
the magic happens.
My idea factory.
Contraptions, concoctions
and comical confections.
As you can see, I've been toying
with quite a few whimsies.
Whoa, I'm in prop-comedy heaven.
"Revenge is a dish
best served...
chili"?
Eh. Half-baked.
Despite the inspired circus
fire-truck homage,
it lacked that classic
Joker touch.
You know what I mean?
Coming up with comedy gold
week after week is tough.
Which is why it's good
to get some new blood
in the old clown house.
Look, I know you never asked
for a partner,
but I don't want
to be freelance forever.
What's it gonna take for me
to be your official sidekick?
I mean, I could be a better
Batgirl if you trained me.
Whoo, you must have
a secret hideout.
Why can't we hang out there
once in a while?
Then it wouldn't be a secret.
Okay, okay,
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Then we set off the giant
dominoes, and wham!
The chief gets flipped
into a vat of green jelly.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Eh, not grabbing me.
What else you got?
Okay, the police banquet.
Cover the ballroom floor
with mousetraps.
Doesn't scream Joker.
Seal cops inside
giant playing cards?
Uh, been there, done that.
Giant crossword-puzzle maze.
Nah, too Riddler.
Uh...
Oh... Ugh!
Great. Gum on my shoe.
Gum? Shoe?
G-gumshoe.
Oh, we hit the police
with a giant gumball.
That could gum up the gumshoes
for days.
And with the right touch,
it could have
that crazy crime clown flair.
I love it!
Construction. Wardrobe.
Wardrobe?
I can't be seen with you
dressed like that.
Huh?
Your joke just fell flat.
Well, stand by
for another, Batsy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Prank.
Prank who?
Prank, your new sidekick.
Joker has a sidekick?
Sorry to burst your bubble,
Batsy.
It's your time to shine,
sonny boy.
Stick around, Batman.
Now, Prank, Remember what
I taught you at the hideout.
He's been to Joker's hideout?
Why don't we have
that kind of relationship?
Chew on this.
Show me what you got,
clown boy.
Oh, gross.
That laugh.
No way.
Huh?
The best punch line
is the one you don't see coming.
Looksee, Batman.
My sidekick is about to make
your sidekick go splat.
Launch away, Prank.
Whoa, w-w-wait a minute.
I-i-if I do that, she'll...
That's right.
It'll be hee-haw-larious.
Um...
I-I-I-I'm not sure I get it.
You yank lever.
Gumball go boom.
Goo everywhere, including
Batgirl's. We laugh. They cry.
What's not to get?
Comedy is timing, Prank,
so let her rip.
I wanted to make people laugh,
not hurt them.
Sounds like you and I
need to take a little time-out.
Oops, almost forgot.
Donnie needs our help.
Donnie?
Prank's no criminal.
He's a classmate.
Long story.
Hopefully with a happy ending.
We'll need to pick up
Joker's trail.
Covered. Popped a tracer
on him.
Property of Gotham PD?
I borrowed Dad's.
When you don't have access
to the official bat-arsenal,
you improvise.
We have lots to do
if you expect to graduate
from class clown
to crime clown.
That's the, uh, thing, Joker.
I'm thinking maybe
I'm not cut out for this.
I blame myself.
You do?
I should've known
a costume and makeup
wouldn't be enough.
No, to live the part,
you have to be the part.
Wha...? What does that mean?
Come on, I'll show you.
Where are we going?
To a happy place
for only special boys to see.
A place where crazy crime clowns
are born.
Have a good look at my past.
And your future.
No!
That's right, Pranky.
It's permaclown time.
It was in this
very chemical concoction
that I collected
my clowny complexion.
And now it's your turn.
Why so nervous?
I mean, look how I turned out.
Let the kid go, Joker.
I'm trying to.
Huh?
Grab your ducky.
It's bath time.
Can't hang on.
I got you.
Not helping.
Batman.
Huh?
You were right, Joker.
The best punch line
is the one you don't see coming.
You know,
our relationship's
looking better all the time.
I have many duties.
But none tastier than judging
our annual chili cook-off.
Mm.
Too hot! Too hot!
Jo...
Joke...
It's Joker!
Five-alarm ha-ha-jalapeño
fire mouth.
I'll put it out.
You really should know better,
Mr. Mayor.
Chili always gives you gas.
Huh?
Batsy?
Punch. Judy.
Oh!
Now, open wide and say "ha."
Stop me if you've heard
this one.
Should have stopped me.
Just look at Batsy and Bitsy.
The teamwork.
The footwork.
I want my own Mini-Me.
Punch. Judy.
Eat my dust, Bats!
So, what's the plan
to take down Jo...?
Nice to be a part of the team.
Must be nice to have someone
to watch your back,
to mold in your own likeness.
Well, if you have a sidekick,
Batsy,
I want one too.
You two don't count.
You're not sidekicks,
you're goons.
I just know somewhere out there
is a Joker Junior
just waiting for me
to take him under my wing.
Which would make
the factored equation
2-times-X
minus 8-times-X, minus 5.
I rock.
Excellent, Barbara.
Hilarious.
Donnie.
Now, who would like
to solve for X?
Oh, I... I know, I know, I know,
I know!
X equals P-yew.
No, Donnie, X equals
one week of detention.
Oh, Mr. Harms, isn't that harsh
punishment for the class clown?
Gee, Donnie,
I thought you had to be funny
to be the class clown.
You people don't know funny.
I'll just go somewhere they do.
Gee, that's funny?
Pathetic.
And the mathematician says,
"X equals P-yew."
You stink!
Hey, you're gonna miss
the best part.
Prop comedy.
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
Kid, you have
some real potential.
And I know funny.
You're... You're...
A comic, who only wants
to make people laugh,
just like you.
I'll bet no one
gets your jokes either.
Instead of laughs,
I usually get detention.
See? You get sent to detention,
I get sent to the asylum.
And for what? Trying to
bring a little joy
into this miserable world.
Donnie, is it?
How would you like to learn
from the best?
Be my, uh, apprentice.
Uh... a-a-apprentice?
Uh, I... I don't know. I...
Chew on it awhile.
You'll see me around.
Same time tomorrow, Donnie.
I'm sure we'll have
another barrel of laughs.
Shh!
Hey! Let me down! Let me down!
Get me down!
That was classic.
See how much fun we could have?
Join team Joker.
It'll be a hoot.
Thought I might find you
brooding in this part of town.
Joker's going to strike again.
The question is, where?
Well, two heads
are better than one
when they're on separate bodies.
And this is where
the magic happens.
My idea factory.
Contraptions, concoctions
and comical confections.
As you can see, I've been toying
with quite a few whimsies.
Whoa, I'm in prop-comedy heaven.
"Revenge is a dish
best served...
chili"?
Eh. Half-baked.
Despite the inspired circus
fire-truck homage,
it lacked that classic
Joker touch.
You know what I mean?
Coming up with comedy gold
week after week is tough.
Which is why it's good
to get some new blood
in the old clown house.
Look, I know you never asked
for a partner,
but I don't want
to be freelance forever.
What's it gonna take for me
to be your official sidekick?
I mean, I could be a better
Batgirl if you trained me.
Whoo, you must have
a secret hideout.
Why can't we hang out there
once in a while?
Then it wouldn't be a secret.
Okay, okay,
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Then we set off the giant
dominoes, and wham!
The chief gets flipped
into a vat of green jelly.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Eh, not grabbing me.
What else you got?
Okay, the police banquet.
Cover the ballroom floor
with mousetraps.
Doesn't scream Joker.
Seal cops inside
giant playing cards?
Uh, been there, done that.
Giant crossword-puzzle maze.
Nah, too Riddler.
Uh...
Oh... Ugh!
Great. Gum on my shoe.
Gum? Shoe?
G-gumshoe.
Oh, we hit the police
with a giant gumball.
That could gum up the gumshoes
for days.
And with the right touch,
it could have
that crazy crime clown flair.
I love it!
Construction. Wardrobe.
Wardrobe?
I can't be seen with you
dressed like that.
Huh?
Your joke just fell flat.
Well, stand by
for another, Batsy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Prank.
Prank who?
Prank, your new sidekick.
Joker has a sidekick?
Sorry to burst your bubble,
Batsy.
It's your time to shine,
sonny boy.
Stick around, Batman.
Now, Prank, Remember what
I taught you at the hideout.
He's been to Joker's hideout?
Why don't we have
that kind of relationship?
Chew on this.
Show me what you got,
clown boy.
Oh, gross.
That laugh.
No way.
Huh?
The best punch line
is the one you don't see coming.
Looksee, Batman.
My sidekick is about to make
your sidekick go splat.
Launch away, Prank.
Whoa, w-w-wait a minute.
I-i-if I do that, she'll...
That's right.
It'll be hee-haw-larious.
Um...
I-I-I-I'm not sure I get it.
You yank lever.
Gumball go boom.
Goo everywhere, including
Batgirl's. We laugh. They cry.
What's not to get?
Comedy is timing, Prank,
so let her rip.
I wanted to make people laugh,
not hurt them.
Sounds like you and I
need to take a little time-out.
Oops, almost forgot.
Donnie needs our help.
Donnie?
Prank's no criminal.
He's a classmate.
Long story.
Hopefully with a happy ending.
We'll need to pick up
Joker's trail.
Covered. Popped a tracer
on him.
Property of Gotham PD?
I borrowed Dad's.
When you don't have access
to the official bat-arsenal,
you improvise.
We have lots to do
if you expect to graduate
from class clown
to crime clown.
That's the, uh, thing, Joker.
I'm thinking maybe
I'm not cut out for this.
I blame myself.
You do?
I should've known
a costume and makeup
wouldn't be enough.
No, to live the part,
you have to be the part.
Wha...? What does that mean?
Come on, I'll show you.
Where are we going?
To a happy place
for only special boys to see.
A place where crazy crime clowns
are born.
Have a good look at my past.
And your future.
No!
That's right, Pranky.
It's permaclown time.
It was in this
very chemical concoction
that I collected
my clowny complexion.
And now it's your turn.
Why so nervous?
I mean, look how I turned out.
Let the kid go, Joker.
I'm trying to.
Huh?
Grab your ducky.
It's bath time.
Can't hang on.
I got you.
Not helping.
Batman.
Huh?
You were right, Joker.
The best punch line
is the one you don't see coming.
You know,
our relationship's
looking better all the time.