The Batman (2004–2008): Season 2, Episode 13 - Night and the City - full transcript
Joker, Penguin and Riddler battle over control of the City. They finally decide to settle their differences by giving all of Gotham over to whoever is able to capture and discover the true identity of the Batman.
Let's brighten up the brownstones
with some Joker white.
Coming through!
Black and white, the colors of Penguin.
This is my turf, birdbrain.
The westside belongs to me, Joker,
and you're violating my airspace.
You've derailed my dirigible.
Spring forward. Fall back.
I proclaim this street Rictus Row.
It's my 'hood, and it's Penguinsbulg.
I prefer the ring of...
...Enigma Avenue.
Who are you?
Call me...
...the Riddler.
Riddler, eh?
- You stealing my shtick?
- I do riddles. I don't tell jokes.
Well, Gotham ain't big enough for
the two of us, skinny, let alone three.
Precisely why I propose
we settle this with a wager.
What's the game?
The first to capture and unmask
our greatest common foe wins Gotham.
No matter who wins...
The biggest loser is The Batman.
A turf war continues to plague our city as
Joker, Penguin, and perhaps even Riddler...
...clash to become
Gotham's premier crime boss.
Gotham P.D. has of yet
been unable to restore order.
Chief Rojas, are you expecting
The Batman to get involved?
The way I see it, The Bat
is the root problem.
Gotham never had lunatics like these
till he showed up.
Mark my words. We're going to take down
these villains and The Bat.
I do hope to see the day you no longer have
to flee the law you work so hard to help.
Well, I don't think Gotham P.D. is gonna be
deputizing The Bat any time soon, Alfred.
Gotham's new commissioner of police
had this to say:
Gotham is in the midst of
a serious crime wave...
...and with criminals like these...
...it may be time for Gotham P.D.
to start thinking outside the box.
James Gordon has loomed large
in your life, Master Bruce.
Perhaps thinking outside the box...
...might include going public with
his support of The Batman?
We're gonna show the commish
what Gotham P.D. is made of...
...and that means not standing by while
The Bat nails these crazies for us...
...not this time.
I want you all to step up
efforts to find Joker...
...Penguin, Riddler, because that's
where you'll find The Bat.
- Detective Yin.
- Chief's pulling out all stops. Lay low.
- Not with the gruesome threesome loose.
- Then we need to strategize.
Meet me at the abandoned cannery
on Alden Street.
- Okay. Give me an hour.
- Well, that explains a lot.
I was starting to wonder why
you're always sneaking away.
You won't need this anymore.
Don't worry, Yin. Your little powwow
will go right ahead as planned.
But first, your badge.
Detective Yin?
- Detective.
- Don't move!
Nice work, Yin.
Stay put, Bat.
That is, unless you want
the shock of a lifetime.
Gotham P.D. beat us to the punch?
You mean nobody wins this contest?
Until the cowl comes off, the game is on.
Radio the commish.
Let him know Chief Angel Rojas...
...is about to meet the man
behind The Bat.
Well, Bat, you gonna remove the mask...
...or do I have to come over there
and do it for you?
Stun him!
- Somebody get the lights!
- Hey, look out!
Don't let him get away!
Get those lights on! Now!
- Look out!
- Get out of the way!
- How did you do that?
- I didn't.
- I didn't have anything to do with--
- I know.
Whole city's gone dark.
Not that I'm complaining.
Riddler.
He must have hacked into
Gotham's central grid.
There!
Got any ideas?
My career in law enforcement
is so over with.
Don't bet on it.
That's where we'll find Riddler.
Never thought I'd be on this end
of a police chase.
Why is Riddle! so interested in being
our guardian angel?
Riddler doesn't want to share me
with Gotham P.D.
And he may or may not want to
shale me with anyone else.
Mind the gap, Pengy-
Mind your yap, sclewloose.
This is the source of the blackout?
It's a transmitter. Riddler routed
a signal to lead us here.
So we play again, detectives.
- Where are you, Riddler?
-You'll soon find out-.
Let's just say
cups and rubbers dun 't mix...
...and from where I sit,
neither do these two things.
Riddler shmiddler.
The game belongs to Penguin!
Back off, tubby. Batsy's mine.
Oh, no, you don't.
Look out!
And the game moves to
a swift finish...
...Riddler's favor.
Mind yourselves.
The Batman and his little helper
are sure to be in a sour mood.
What?
Boys, eliminate the competition.
Something tells me
we're soon to receive a special guest.
Riddler hacked into the power grid
through the transatlantic fiber-optic cable.
But how did he splice in?
The cable runs along the ocean floor.
Riddler's riddle. He sits near two things
that don't mix:
Oil and water.
Okay. We're on the water.
And heading for an offshore
oil-drilling platform.
We have our bat. Let's move, people.
- I want these boats ready to launch now.
- You're a busy man, chief.
First, I receive word you're unmasking
The Batman, then...
...you're on the docks,
sending half our force to sea.
Commissioner Gordon, we sighted The Bat
heading east in an unlicensed watercraft.
He has a fugitive in tow.
So could be The Batman's on the lam...
...or could be he's on to something
about this pickle we're in.
You're not saying you want
a vigilante to do police work.
I'm saying we need
to be smart about this.
If we stop The Batman now, we may
never find out where he's headed.
- Plan?
- Keep a lookout.
- I thought I was your partner.
- But you're not my sidekick.
You're a lousy host.
And you two are lousy competition.
You know, Jokester, maybe there is
enough Gotham for two to share.
- Now, what was that you were saying... ?
- About the quality of the competition?
No more games.
You want me?
Here I am.
What kind of bird packs a wallop?
A crane.
There's nowhere you can go
that I can't leach.
In my book, keeping a lookout
means watching your back.
Foul play!
Riddler's remote-control system.
Bye-bye!
What?
Lights out, Riddler.
I'm the last man standing.
The game belongs to me!
Thought you could use some good press.
Well done, sir.
I surrender.
I promise to save a cell for
The Bat right next to yours.
I'm not so sure this is
a good idea, Chief Rojas.
Detective Yin aided and abetted
a known criminal...
...resisted arrest and fled police custody.
That's one way to look at it.
Here's another way:
Detective Yin helped to bring in
Gotham's three most wanted.
It seems to me, the department's
had its share of bad press lately.
Do you really think it's wise
to arrest a hero?
- Nice work, detective.
- Thank you, commissioner.
Detective Yin informs me the pager
you supplied to her is on the blink.
What's on your mind, commissioner?
You know, I feel chasing bats
is counterproductive...
...not to mention
a waste of police resources.
Thanks to all of your efforts, Batman,
the time is finally right...
...to take our alliance to the next step.
Commissioner?
Good press sometimes
goes beyond the law.
The hearts and minds of
all of Gotham are behind you.
I do my best work from the shadows.
That won't need to change.
All I ask is that you help me make Gotham
a safe place for my daughter to grow up in.
For your daughter, then.
with some Joker white.
Coming through!
Black and white, the colors of Penguin.
This is my turf, birdbrain.
The westside belongs to me, Joker,
and you're violating my airspace.
You've derailed my dirigible.
Spring forward. Fall back.
I proclaim this street Rictus Row.
It's my 'hood, and it's Penguinsbulg.
I prefer the ring of...
...Enigma Avenue.
Who are you?
Call me...
...the Riddler.
Riddler, eh?
- You stealing my shtick?
- I do riddles. I don't tell jokes.
Well, Gotham ain't big enough for
the two of us, skinny, let alone three.
Precisely why I propose
we settle this with a wager.
What's the game?
The first to capture and unmask
our greatest common foe wins Gotham.
No matter who wins...
The biggest loser is The Batman.
A turf war continues to plague our city as
Joker, Penguin, and perhaps even Riddler...
...clash to become
Gotham's premier crime boss.
Gotham P.D. has of yet
been unable to restore order.
Chief Rojas, are you expecting
The Batman to get involved?
The way I see it, The Bat
is the root problem.
Gotham never had lunatics like these
till he showed up.
Mark my words. We're going to take down
these villains and The Bat.
I do hope to see the day you no longer have
to flee the law you work so hard to help.
Well, I don't think Gotham P.D. is gonna be
deputizing The Bat any time soon, Alfred.
Gotham's new commissioner of police
had this to say:
Gotham is in the midst of
a serious crime wave...
...and with criminals like these...
...it may be time for Gotham P.D.
to start thinking outside the box.
James Gordon has loomed large
in your life, Master Bruce.
Perhaps thinking outside the box...
...might include going public with
his support of The Batman?
We're gonna show the commish
what Gotham P.D. is made of...
...and that means not standing by while
The Bat nails these crazies for us...
...not this time.
I want you all to step up
efforts to find Joker...
...Penguin, Riddler, because that's
where you'll find The Bat.
- Detective Yin.
- Chief's pulling out all stops. Lay low.
- Not with the gruesome threesome loose.
- Then we need to strategize.
Meet me at the abandoned cannery
on Alden Street.
- Okay. Give me an hour.
- Well, that explains a lot.
I was starting to wonder why
you're always sneaking away.
You won't need this anymore.
Don't worry, Yin. Your little powwow
will go right ahead as planned.
But first, your badge.
Detective Yin?
- Detective.
- Don't move!
Nice work, Yin.
Stay put, Bat.
That is, unless you want
the shock of a lifetime.
Gotham P.D. beat us to the punch?
You mean nobody wins this contest?
Until the cowl comes off, the game is on.
Radio the commish.
Let him know Chief Angel Rojas...
...is about to meet the man
behind The Bat.
Well, Bat, you gonna remove the mask...
...or do I have to come over there
and do it for you?
Stun him!
- Somebody get the lights!
- Hey, look out!
Don't let him get away!
Get those lights on! Now!
- Look out!
- Get out of the way!
- How did you do that?
- I didn't.
- I didn't have anything to do with--
- I know.
Whole city's gone dark.
Not that I'm complaining.
Riddler.
He must have hacked into
Gotham's central grid.
There!
Got any ideas?
My career in law enforcement
is so over with.
Don't bet on it.
That's where we'll find Riddler.
Never thought I'd be on this end
of a police chase.
Why is Riddle! so interested in being
our guardian angel?
Riddler doesn't want to share me
with Gotham P.D.
And he may or may not want to
shale me with anyone else.
Mind the gap, Pengy-
Mind your yap, sclewloose.
This is the source of the blackout?
It's a transmitter. Riddler routed
a signal to lead us here.
So we play again, detectives.
- Where are you, Riddler?
-You'll soon find out-.
Let's just say
cups and rubbers dun 't mix...
...and from where I sit,
neither do these two things.
Riddler shmiddler.
The game belongs to Penguin!
Back off, tubby. Batsy's mine.
Oh, no, you don't.
Look out!
And the game moves to
a swift finish...
...Riddler's favor.
Mind yourselves.
The Batman and his little helper
are sure to be in a sour mood.
What?
Boys, eliminate the competition.
Something tells me
we're soon to receive a special guest.
Riddler hacked into the power grid
through the transatlantic fiber-optic cable.
But how did he splice in?
The cable runs along the ocean floor.
Riddler's riddle. He sits near two things
that don't mix:
Oil and water.
Okay. We're on the water.
And heading for an offshore
oil-drilling platform.
We have our bat. Let's move, people.
- I want these boats ready to launch now.
- You're a busy man, chief.
First, I receive word you're unmasking
The Batman, then...
...you're on the docks,
sending half our force to sea.
Commissioner Gordon, we sighted The Bat
heading east in an unlicensed watercraft.
He has a fugitive in tow.
So could be The Batman's on the lam...
...or could be he's on to something
about this pickle we're in.
You're not saying you want
a vigilante to do police work.
I'm saying we need
to be smart about this.
If we stop The Batman now, we may
never find out where he's headed.
- Plan?
- Keep a lookout.
- I thought I was your partner.
- But you're not my sidekick.
You're a lousy host.
And you two are lousy competition.
You know, Jokester, maybe there is
enough Gotham for two to share.
- Now, what was that you were saying... ?
- About the quality of the competition?
No more games.
You want me?
Here I am.
What kind of bird packs a wallop?
A crane.
There's nowhere you can go
that I can't leach.
In my book, keeping a lookout
means watching your back.
Foul play!
Riddler's remote-control system.
Bye-bye!
What?
Lights out, Riddler.
I'm the last man standing.
The game belongs to me!
Thought you could use some good press.
Well done, sir.
I surrender.
I promise to save a cell for
The Bat right next to yours.
I'm not so sure this is
a good idea, Chief Rojas.
Detective Yin aided and abetted
a known criminal...
...resisted arrest and fled police custody.
That's one way to look at it.
Here's another way:
Detective Yin helped to bring in
Gotham's three most wanted.
It seems to me, the department's
had its share of bad press lately.
Do you really think it's wise
to arrest a hero?
- Nice work, detective.
- Thank you, commissioner.
Detective Yin informs me the pager
you supplied to her is on the blink.
What's on your mind, commissioner?
You know, I feel chasing bats
is counterproductive...
...not to mention
a waste of police resources.
Thanks to all of your efforts, Batman,
the time is finally right...
...to take our alliance to the next step.
Commissioner?
Good press sometimes
goes beyond the law.
The hearts and minds of
all of Gotham are behind you.
I do my best work from the shadows.
That won't need to change.
All I ask is that you help me make Gotham
a safe place for my daughter to grow up in.
For your daughter, then.