The Batman (2004–2008): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Big Dummy - full transcript
Arnold Wesker is a ventriloquist who controls Scarface, a very bossy puppet with a dominant personality. Together, Wesker and Scarface knock over banks. Wesker wants to retire and live on a ranch, perhaps in Montana or Texas, but Scarface plans to complete one final job. Scarface, along with two thug sidekicks, plans on stealing a large amount of gold from Gotham Bank. Batman tries to stop the crime in progress. Meanwhile, Alfred has been using Internet dating websites to try to find a date for the reluctant hunk Bruce Wayne.
It's time, dummy.
Oh, careful.
You'll damage the parts.
Parts for what?
You gonna fill us in
on the big secret, Wesker?
What are you asking him for?
You got questions about my plan,
you don't ask the toady.
You ask me!
Now, put your back into it, punk.
Can you believe this nut?
Relax.
There's gonna be one sweet payday.
Scarface is all right.
All right?
He's a dummy.
Excuse me?
Who are you calling "dummy"?
Do I look stupid to you?
Am I a moron?
Please, sir, don't.
We need him.
Am I a dummy now?
No, Scarface.
You're the boss!
The boss!
Don't ever forget it.
Now load the van.
Crime's a wasting.
The problem with these knuckleheads?
They got no class.
Welding tools,
motion-controlled gyroscopes.
And now, construction equipment?
They hardly seem valuable or related.
Unless someone's using them
to build something, Alfred.
Let's see if the Batwave
can't draw a connection.
"Meet someone in your area."
Online dating?
Well, who'd have thought?
Alfred Pennyworth, ladies' man.
Actually, I was examining
the website for you, Master Bruce.
Between Wayne Industries
and your after-hours hobby...
how else are you to meet
women without criminal records?
I meet lots, Alfred.
I had three, maybe four dates
just last weekend.
Indeed.
All part of your swinging bachelor act.
But perhaps it's time to stop acting...
and let someone special
get to know the real Bruce Wayne.
I don't know.
Oh, very good, then.
Let's start with your interests.
Dispensing justice
to the evildoers of Gotham.
How about driving fast cars...
enjoys athletic pursuits,
and being a night owl?
What? Do you have to look over
my shoulder every waking moment?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mister Scarface, sir.
He's not right.
Wesker's a little eccentric.
So what?
That's how geniuses are.
Sir, have you decided about the ranch?
- What are you jabbering about now?
- You remember.
We talked about retiring after the big
heist, to work the land under clear skies.
What do you think, Texas or Montana?
I'll tell you what.
You go to Texas, I'll go to Montana.
Always with the jokes, sir.
He'd never leave me.
Her name is Becky.
She's a psychologist.
"I'm usually social,
but sometimes I retreat to my cave."
Fancy that.
Someone even you can relate to.
Oh, she's a doll.
Just don't fill out annual income,
Alfred, or post my photo.
It's probably not a good idea
to advertise I'm a billionaire.
Gotham Air and Space Museum.
Sorry, Alfred.
Looks like I already have a date.
I still wanna know how this junk
is supposed to make us rich.
Funny you should ask.
Been wondering myself.
- Who's that?
- Beats me.
But what kind of a nut
dresses like a bat?
Your aim stinks.
You gonna stand there, dummy?
Oh, Rhino looks like
he has things under control, sir.
Out of my way.
Yo, pointy ears.
Say hello to my little friend.
He's heading for more
than just a pretty scar.
Let's go.
Don't wanna splatter the suit.
Nasty little puppet.
More potential dolls, I see.
I figure there are fewer dummies
in Gotham than thieves.
So I'm trying to ID our perp
through publicity head shots.
Oh, yes. He's clearly a smuggler.
And that chap screams "embezzler"
if ever there was one.
There. Scarface.
The puppet belongs to a small time
performer named Arnold Wesker.
One night, after an audience booed him off
the stage, Wesker and the doll robbed them.
Let's see if a search turns up
anything explaining Wesker's bizarre act.
"Care to chat?"
Bravo! Becky responded
to your chat request.
And by "your," I mean "my."
You have nothing better to do while the
Batwave completes its search on Wesker.
Watch this.
So how things coming, Mister Scarface?
Just need one more part,
and that we swipe tonight.
Then we'll have everything we need to pull
off the biggest heist in Gotham history.
Oh, he's good.
You bet it's a good plan.
Signing off.
- Well?
- What?
I'm meeting Becky at a cafe tomorrow.
But it's not a date.
Of course it isn't.
Merely the first step toward
letting someone get to know the real you.
You gave her the private number already?
Break-in at the Fewkes computer factory.
What happened to us, Rhino?
We're taking orders
from a block of wood.
It'll be worth it, Mugsy.
Just keep an eye out
for anything suspicious.
Like what?
The bat got chopped into chip dip.
There.
The motherboard.
Here, dummy.
Keep this safe.
Only one heist away from retirement
and the clean, honest work of a cowboy.
You know...
Gotham Penitentiary has
a thriving retirement community.
Where do you think you're going?
Texas, maybe Montana.
Take this punk out,
or I get another partner.
Get up already.
Get back in there.
Come on.
Enough with the act.
Lose the dummy.
I would, but he keeps
following me around!
This isn't an act, is it?
Consider this therapy.
Dummy, he got me.
I can't feel my legs.
Coming, sir!
Mister Scarface!
No!
The Batman's alive?
Get him.
Sir, say something.
Hang on, sir.
Please hang on.
Don't leave me.
Quit bawling, dummy.
I ain't gone yet.
Got the circuit board?
Good boy.
Now take me back.
It's time for the phoenix to rise.
Start talking. What's this big heist
Wesker's planning?
The gold at the Gotham Federal Reserve.
Scarface...
I mean, Wesker.
He was building something that was
gonna help us bust in and carry it out.
He never told us what. Honest.
I think I know what.
Amazing how good
a new suit will make you feel.
- Go ahead.
- For your non-date with Becky...
were you thinking semi-formal
or semi-casual?
Not a good time, Alfred.
- Scarface is headed for the Gotham Reserve.
- Scarface?
Don't you mean Arnold Wesker?
You'd be right either way.
It's no act.
Wesker's a genuine case
of split personality.
And Scarface is his dominant side.
Alfred, I'm not sure if
I can go through with this date.
- Sir?
- If The Batman is my dominant side...
how can I let someone know
the real Bruce Wayne?
Large and in charge!
At least it has a weak spot,
Wesker.
Well, look who don't know when to quit.
I'm not through with you, punk.
That's right, squeak toy.
I'm unstoppable,
and I'm gonna hit every bank in Gotham.
But, sir, the ranch.
You said we'd retire!
Yeah? Change of plans.
Maybe Wesker's not the only weak spot.
That's it! I'm retiring alone!
Be my guest, tough guy.
You're nothing without me!
Hey, Scarface.
My eyes! My eyes!
I can't see!
Look out, sir. Sir, look out!
Do something!
Dummy.
We were gonna go to Texas.
Or Montana.
We all have places we'd rather be.
Becky?
Bruce?
You don't look like...
That is, you seem different online.
The young man you
were expecting apologizes.
He won't be able to attend, I'm afraid.
Let me guess. He's married.
To his work.
Oh, careful.
You'll damage the parts.
Parts for what?
You gonna fill us in
on the big secret, Wesker?
What are you asking him for?
You got questions about my plan,
you don't ask the toady.
You ask me!
Now, put your back into it, punk.
Can you believe this nut?
Relax.
There's gonna be one sweet payday.
Scarface is all right.
All right?
He's a dummy.
Excuse me?
Who are you calling "dummy"?
Do I look stupid to you?
Am I a moron?
Please, sir, don't.
We need him.
Am I a dummy now?
No, Scarface.
You're the boss!
The boss!
Don't ever forget it.
Now load the van.
Crime's a wasting.
The problem with these knuckleheads?
They got no class.
Welding tools,
motion-controlled gyroscopes.
And now, construction equipment?
They hardly seem valuable or related.
Unless someone's using them
to build something, Alfred.
Let's see if the Batwave
can't draw a connection.
"Meet someone in your area."
Online dating?
Well, who'd have thought?
Alfred Pennyworth, ladies' man.
Actually, I was examining
the website for you, Master Bruce.
Between Wayne Industries
and your after-hours hobby...
how else are you to meet
women without criminal records?
I meet lots, Alfred.
I had three, maybe four dates
just last weekend.
Indeed.
All part of your swinging bachelor act.
But perhaps it's time to stop acting...
and let someone special
get to know the real Bruce Wayne.
I don't know.
Oh, very good, then.
Let's start with your interests.
Dispensing justice
to the evildoers of Gotham.
How about driving fast cars...
enjoys athletic pursuits,
and being a night owl?
What? Do you have to look over
my shoulder every waking moment?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mister Scarface, sir.
He's not right.
Wesker's a little eccentric.
So what?
That's how geniuses are.
Sir, have you decided about the ranch?
- What are you jabbering about now?
- You remember.
We talked about retiring after the big
heist, to work the land under clear skies.
What do you think, Texas or Montana?
I'll tell you what.
You go to Texas, I'll go to Montana.
Always with the jokes, sir.
He'd never leave me.
Her name is Becky.
She's a psychologist.
"I'm usually social,
but sometimes I retreat to my cave."
Fancy that.
Someone even you can relate to.
Oh, she's a doll.
Just don't fill out annual income,
Alfred, or post my photo.
It's probably not a good idea
to advertise I'm a billionaire.
Gotham Air and Space Museum.
Sorry, Alfred.
Looks like I already have a date.
I still wanna know how this junk
is supposed to make us rich.
Funny you should ask.
Been wondering myself.
- Who's that?
- Beats me.
But what kind of a nut
dresses like a bat?
Your aim stinks.
You gonna stand there, dummy?
Oh, Rhino looks like
he has things under control, sir.
Out of my way.
Yo, pointy ears.
Say hello to my little friend.
He's heading for more
than just a pretty scar.
Let's go.
Don't wanna splatter the suit.
Nasty little puppet.
More potential dolls, I see.
I figure there are fewer dummies
in Gotham than thieves.
So I'm trying to ID our perp
through publicity head shots.
Oh, yes. He's clearly a smuggler.
And that chap screams "embezzler"
if ever there was one.
There. Scarface.
The puppet belongs to a small time
performer named Arnold Wesker.
One night, after an audience booed him off
the stage, Wesker and the doll robbed them.
Let's see if a search turns up
anything explaining Wesker's bizarre act.
"Care to chat?"
Bravo! Becky responded
to your chat request.
And by "your," I mean "my."
You have nothing better to do while the
Batwave completes its search on Wesker.
Watch this.
So how things coming, Mister Scarface?
Just need one more part,
and that we swipe tonight.
Then we'll have everything we need to pull
off the biggest heist in Gotham history.
Oh, he's good.
You bet it's a good plan.
Signing off.
- Well?
- What?
I'm meeting Becky at a cafe tomorrow.
But it's not a date.
Of course it isn't.
Merely the first step toward
letting someone get to know the real you.
You gave her the private number already?
Break-in at the Fewkes computer factory.
What happened to us, Rhino?
We're taking orders
from a block of wood.
It'll be worth it, Mugsy.
Just keep an eye out
for anything suspicious.
Like what?
The bat got chopped into chip dip.
There.
The motherboard.
Here, dummy.
Keep this safe.
Only one heist away from retirement
and the clean, honest work of a cowboy.
You know...
Gotham Penitentiary has
a thriving retirement community.
Where do you think you're going?
Texas, maybe Montana.
Take this punk out,
or I get another partner.
Get up already.
Get back in there.
Come on.
Enough with the act.
Lose the dummy.
I would, but he keeps
following me around!
This isn't an act, is it?
Consider this therapy.
Dummy, he got me.
I can't feel my legs.
Coming, sir!
Mister Scarface!
No!
The Batman's alive?
Get him.
Sir, say something.
Hang on, sir.
Please hang on.
Don't leave me.
Quit bawling, dummy.
I ain't gone yet.
Got the circuit board?
Good boy.
Now take me back.
It's time for the phoenix to rise.
Start talking. What's this big heist
Wesker's planning?
The gold at the Gotham Federal Reserve.
Scarface...
I mean, Wesker.
He was building something that was
gonna help us bust in and carry it out.
He never told us what. Honest.
I think I know what.
Amazing how good
a new suit will make you feel.
- Go ahead.
- For your non-date with Becky...
were you thinking semi-formal
or semi-casual?
Not a good time, Alfred.
- Scarface is headed for the Gotham Reserve.
- Scarface?
Don't you mean Arnold Wesker?
You'd be right either way.
It's no act.
Wesker's a genuine case
of split personality.
And Scarface is his dominant side.
Alfred, I'm not sure if
I can go through with this date.
- Sir?
- If The Batman is my dominant side...
how can I let someone know
the real Bruce Wayne?
Large and in charge!
At least it has a weak spot,
Wesker.
Well, look who don't know when to quit.
I'm not through with you, punk.
That's right, squeak toy.
I'm unstoppable,
and I'm gonna hit every bank in Gotham.
But, sir, the ranch.
You said we'd retire!
Yeah? Change of plans.
Maybe Wesker's not the only weak spot.
That's it! I'm retiring alone!
Be my guest, tough guy.
You're nothing without me!
Hey, Scarface.
My eyes! My eyes!
I can't see!
Look out, sir. Sir, look out!
Do something!
Dummy.
We were gonna go to Texas.
Or Montana.
We all have places we'd rather be.
Becky?
Bruce?
You don't look like...
That is, you seem different online.
The young man you
were expecting apologizes.
He won't be able to attend, I'm afraid.
Let me guess. He's married.
To his work.