The Batman (2004–2008): Season 1, Episode 8 - Q & A - full transcript
The Batman engages in a game of wits with Cluemaster: a precocious ex-'quiz kid' bent on revenge against the game show producers he's accused of rigging his defeat. Cluemaster plans a rematch for those involved. Only this time, a wrong answer means their demise.
Well, they don't cut hair
at Grocery Gil's...
but they sure cut prices.
So I'm gonna cut to the chase
and cut the ribbon.
By the power vested in me
by the guys who cut me the check...
I, TV personality Ross Darren...
Thank you.
Declare store number 235
officially open.
I always hated broccoli.
Gotcha.
Before we continue, I'd like to
acknowledge some of the donors...
who have made
Gotham's great concert hall possible.
Mr. Bruce Wayne.
And Mr. Herbert Zeigler,
philanthropist and accomplished pianist.
What will you play for us tonight?
I play Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata, Opus 27, No. 2.
Hope that buffs out.
Well, despite the glossier
uptown venue...
tonight's abduction has all the earmarks
of this afternoon's.
Both were highly theatrical,
public humiliations.
Oh, like those newfangled
extreme game shows from Japan.
I sometimes watch the telly
while I'm dusting.
No ransom's been made
so the motive must be personal.
Which means there has to be some link
between the two victims.
"Match."
Ross Darren and Herbert Zeigler worked
together 30 years ago on a game show.
A game show for kids called...
Think Thank Thunk.
Put on your thinking caps.
I've done a lot of dusting
over the years.
As I recall, the program was involved
in some sort of scandal.
It seems someone
may still be harboring a grudge.
- Bert, wake up.
- What?
What's going on?
Ross?
Where are we? Who did this?
Fear not, little men.
All will soon be revealed.
Just one more piece of the puzzle,
then the real fun begins.
Put on your thinking caps.
It's time to Think Thank Thunk.
Sponsored by Kremelos,
the gooey taste treat.
Now, here's your host, Ross Darren!
Welcome to the show
where the biggest brain reigns.
Ready to have some fun?
Let's meet today's contestants.
The challenger is Yelena Kleimenoff...
There's a mouthful.
Whose family recently
defected from the Soviet Union.
Good luck, Yelena.
You're gonna need it against our champ.
Arte Brown is the brain to beat.
He's been winning
for 12 straight weeks.
Let's make it 13, Ross.
Arte Brown was undefeatable.
And obnoxious.
The category is astronomy.
Arte, you can win if you choose
a three point question.
Three points, Ross.
Put on your thinking cap.
For three points and the win,
name all 13 of Jupiter's moons...
the person who discovered them
and the year of their discovery.
I thought you were going to ask
a difficult question, Ross.
Let's begin with Europa...
and Lysithea by Nicholson, in 1937.
Oh, so close, Arte.
Lysithea was actually discovered
in 1938.
Thirty-eight.
That means Yelena is our winner!
And here's your consolation prize.
A lifetime supply of Kremelos.
No fair!
Arte's mother claimed
the show was rigged...
- and sued the show's producer.
- Bert Zeigler.
Zeigler had deep pockets
and a lot of friends in city hall.
The lawsuit was dismissed,
Arte faded into obscurity...
and Yelena became
a world-class chess champion.
- Sir?
- Yelena's playing in Gotham. Tonight.
This has been
a very aggressive game so far.
Yelena Kleimenoff has control of the center
while keeping her king well-protected.
The computer's been
on the defensive...
since the 10th move,
when Yelena captured its knight.
Bishop to B6.
Bishop to B6.
- That's going to win it for...
- What the...?
I said, bishop to B6.
Knight takes bishop.
Pick on someone your own size.
Scrappy little fellas.
It's The Batman.
No fair!
No fair!
Report.
Then the games can begin, little friend.
The Batman?
Well, the game grows more intriguing
by the moment.
This looks like someone's idea
of a reunion.
Well, someone better tell us
what's going on.
Quiet, Bert. He'll hear you.
Who are you?
The man you cheated.
Arthur Brown. From the show!
Little Arte?
I was winning too much
so you let her win.
You gave her an easy question.
You did?
Look, if this is about the prize money,
I'll cut you a check.
Money can't soothe the pain
of humiliation.
Nor can my consolation prize
of a lifetime supply of Kremelos!
Though they are moist and delicious.
What do you want with us?
Why, revenge, of course.
You got to humiliate us.
Wasn't that enough?
Relax, Ross.
In the spirit of gamesmanship...
I'm giving you all a chance
to walk away Scot-free.
If you can defeat me in a rematch.
So put on your thinking caps.
Arte Brown was a brilliant student
with a bright future...
but it looks like he threw it all away.
Dropped out of school, dropped out of life.
All over his obsession with a game.
You, on the other hand,
never were much for games.
- Even as a child.
- There was work to do.
Play is the work of children.
And Arthur, evidently, continues to act out
his childhood revenge fantasy.
Act or reenact?
- I know where to find Arte.
- Sir?
Where would you start looking
for a boy who never grew up?
Put on your thinking caps.
It's time to Think Thank Thunk.
Welcome!
Now let's meet tonight's contestants.
Three of the worst liars and cheats
ever seen on national television.
Here's how the game works.
You've had access to my books.
You'll take turns asking me questions.
If I answer wrong, you score a point.
Three points and you all go free.
However, for every question
I answer correctly...
I score a point.
Three points for me
and you all get dunked in acid.
At this point in the show, we would usually
break for a word from our sponsor.
Don't you wish?
Keep an eye on it for me, kid.
Are you one of Arte's friends?
Yes.
My, you're a big one.
Arte's down in his room.
Thank you, Mrs. Brown.
Now, now, what have I told you boys
about roughhousing?
Orpheus, Castor, Hercules,
Meleager and, of course, Jason himself.
That's all 50 Argonauts. Am I right?
That's one for me.
- Your question was too easy!
- You trying to get us melted?
Yes, yes, yes, please.
For pity's sake,
ask me something challenging.
That would be two for me,
none for you.
Better score or it's acid city.
In the subject of mathematics,
what is the number pi?
Pi, of course, is the ratio of the
circumference of a circle to its diameter.
But that number cannot be expressed
as a finite decimal.
But in the spirit of gamesmanship,
I will recite the number to 50...
No, 100 decimal places.
3.1415926...
46375.
That's it. I win, I win.
- But more importantly, you lose.
- No!
- Oh, no, you can't!
- No!
- This is ridiculous.
- Arte, please.
The Batman.
Your timely arrival proves that there's
at least one intellect in Gotham City...
worthy of Cluemaster.
- Give it up, Arthur.
- Arte Brown never surrenders.
But in the spirit of gamesmanship...
I shall give you, The Batman,
one chance to save their cheating lives.
A bonus round!
I don't play games.
But you will play
or they get acid-washed.
Is this all you have
to show for your life, Arthur?
Bitterness and revenge?
You could have done something positive
with your talents.
Like Yelena did.
Bonus round.
Stop Cluemaster and they go free.
Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Is there anything
the great Arthur Brown doesn't know?
You'll find out.
- What can I ask you about?
- Anything!
- No topic is off limits?
- History, science, literature.
- Music, biology, current events?
- Anything! Let's go, already!
Okay.
Name the true identity of The Batman.
- Trick question! Ask another!
- You said I could ask anything.
No fair!
No!
Cheater.
I'll show you the true identity
of The Batman!
Would you kids like
some milk and Kremelos?
Master Bruce.
I trust your bout with little Arthur Brown
resulted in your favor.
Alfred, I didn't think
I was much for games...
until I beat Cluemaster at his own.
So think you can take me?
Let's have a go, then.
at Grocery Gil's...
but they sure cut prices.
So I'm gonna cut to the chase
and cut the ribbon.
By the power vested in me
by the guys who cut me the check...
I, TV personality Ross Darren...
Thank you.
Declare store number 235
officially open.
I always hated broccoli.
Gotcha.
Before we continue, I'd like to
acknowledge some of the donors...
who have made
Gotham's great concert hall possible.
Mr. Bruce Wayne.
And Mr. Herbert Zeigler,
philanthropist and accomplished pianist.
What will you play for us tonight?
I play Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata, Opus 27, No. 2.
Hope that buffs out.
Well, despite the glossier
uptown venue...
tonight's abduction has all the earmarks
of this afternoon's.
Both were highly theatrical,
public humiliations.
Oh, like those newfangled
extreme game shows from Japan.
I sometimes watch the telly
while I'm dusting.
No ransom's been made
so the motive must be personal.
Which means there has to be some link
between the two victims.
"Match."
Ross Darren and Herbert Zeigler worked
together 30 years ago on a game show.
A game show for kids called...
Think Thank Thunk.
Put on your thinking caps.
I've done a lot of dusting
over the years.
As I recall, the program was involved
in some sort of scandal.
It seems someone
may still be harboring a grudge.
- Bert, wake up.
- What?
What's going on?
Ross?
Where are we? Who did this?
Fear not, little men.
All will soon be revealed.
Just one more piece of the puzzle,
then the real fun begins.
Put on your thinking caps.
It's time to Think Thank Thunk.
Sponsored by Kremelos,
the gooey taste treat.
Now, here's your host, Ross Darren!
Welcome to the show
where the biggest brain reigns.
Ready to have some fun?
Let's meet today's contestants.
The challenger is Yelena Kleimenoff...
There's a mouthful.
Whose family recently
defected from the Soviet Union.
Good luck, Yelena.
You're gonna need it against our champ.
Arte Brown is the brain to beat.
He's been winning
for 12 straight weeks.
Let's make it 13, Ross.
Arte Brown was undefeatable.
And obnoxious.
The category is astronomy.
Arte, you can win if you choose
a three point question.
Three points, Ross.
Put on your thinking cap.
For three points and the win,
name all 13 of Jupiter's moons...
the person who discovered them
and the year of their discovery.
I thought you were going to ask
a difficult question, Ross.
Let's begin with Europa...
and Lysithea by Nicholson, in 1937.
Oh, so close, Arte.
Lysithea was actually discovered
in 1938.
Thirty-eight.
That means Yelena is our winner!
And here's your consolation prize.
A lifetime supply of Kremelos.
No fair!
Arte's mother claimed
the show was rigged...
- and sued the show's producer.
- Bert Zeigler.
Zeigler had deep pockets
and a lot of friends in city hall.
The lawsuit was dismissed,
Arte faded into obscurity...
and Yelena became
a world-class chess champion.
- Sir?
- Yelena's playing in Gotham. Tonight.
This has been
a very aggressive game so far.
Yelena Kleimenoff has control of the center
while keeping her king well-protected.
The computer's been
on the defensive...
since the 10th move,
when Yelena captured its knight.
Bishop to B6.
Bishop to B6.
- That's going to win it for...
- What the...?
I said, bishop to B6.
Knight takes bishop.
Pick on someone your own size.
Scrappy little fellas.
It's The Batman.
No fair!
No fair!
Report.
Then the games can begin, little friend.
The Batman?
Well, the game grows more intriguing
by the moment.
This looks like someone's idea
of a reunion.
Well, someone better tell us
what's going on.
Quiet, Bert. He'll hear you.
Who are you?
The man you cheated.
Arthur Brown. From the show!
Little Arte?
I was winning too much
so you let her win.
You gave her an easy question.
You did?
Look, if this is about the prize money,
I'll cut you a check.
Money can't soothe the pain
of humiliation.
Nor can my consolation prize
of a lifetime supply of Kremelos!
Though they are moist and delicious.
What do you want with us?
Why, revenge, of course.
You got to humiliate us.
Wasn't that enough?
Relax, Ross.
In the spirit of gamesmanship...
I'm giving you all a chance
to walk away Scot-free.
If you can defeat me in a rematch.
So put on your thinking caps.
Arte Brown was a brilliant student
with a bright future...
but it looks like he threw it all away.
Dropped out of school, dropped out of life.
All over his obsession with a game.
You, on the other hand,
never were much for games.
- Even as a child.
- There was work to do.
Play is the work of children.
And Arthur, evidently, continues to act out
his childhood revenge fantasy.
Act or reenact?
- I know where to find Arte.
- Sir?
Where would you start looking
for a boy who never grew up?
Put on your thinking caps.
It's time to Think Thank Thunk.
Welcome!
Now let's meet tonight's contestants.
Three of the worst liars and cheats
ever seen on national television.
Here's how the game works.
You've had access to my books.
You'll take turns asking me questions.
If I answer wrong, you score a point.
Three points and you all go free.
However, for every question
I answer correctly...
I score a point.
Three points for me
and you all get dunked in acid.
At this point in the show, we would usually
break for a word from our sponsor.
Don't you wish?
Keep an eye on it for me, kid.
Are you one of Arte's friends?
Yes.
My, you're a big one.
Arte's down in his room.
Thank you, Mrs. Brown.
Now, now, what have I told you boys
about roughhousing?
Orpheus, Castor, Hercules,
Meleager and, of course, Jason himself.
That's all 50 Argonauts. Am I right?
That's one for me.
- Your question was too easy!
- You trying to get us melted?
Yes, yes, yes, please.
For pity's sake,
ask me something challenging.
That would be two for me,
none for you.
Better score or it's acid city.
In the subject of mathematics,
what is the number pi?
Pi, of course, is the ratio of the
circumference of a circle to its diameter.
But that number cannot be expressed
as a finite decimal.
But in the spirit of gamesmanship,
I will recite the number to 50...
No, 100 decimal places.
3.1415926...
46375.
That's it. I win, I win.
- But more importantly, you lose.
- No!
- Oh, no, you can't!
- No!
- This is ridiculous.
- Arte, please.
The Batman.
Your timely arrival proves that there's
at least one intellect in Gotham City...
worthy of Cluemaster.
- Give it up, Arthur.
- Arte Brown never surrenders.
But in the spirit of gamesmanship...
I shall give you, The Batman,
one chance to save their cheating lives.
A bonus round!
I don't play games.
But you will play
or they get acid-washed.
Is this all you have
to show for your life, Arthur?
Bitterness and revenge?
You could have done something positive
with your talents.
Like Yelena did.
Bonus round.
Stop Cluemaster and they go free.
Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Is there anything
the great Arthur Brown doesn't know?
You'll find out.
- What can I ask you about?
- Anything!
- No topic is off limits?
- History, science, literature.
- Music, biology, current events?
- Anything! Let's go, already!
Okay.
Name the true identity of The Batman.
- Trick question! Ask another!
- You said I could ask anything.
No fair!
No!
Cheater.
I'll show you the true identity
of The Batman!
Would you kids like
some milk and Kremelos?
Master Bruce.
I trust your bout with little Arthur Brown
resulted in your favor.
Alfred, I didn't think
I was much for games...
until I beat Cluemaster at his own.
So think you can take me?
Let's have a go, then.