The Avengers (1961–1969): Season 7, Episode 15 - The Rotters - full transcript

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sir James Pendred.
Born nineteen nineteen.

Died eight thirty last night.

Dirty work?

Murder most foul.

How?

At eight twenty-five he left his
office, walked to the car park.

Ambushed! Got away...
ran back to his office,

Assassins followed
him and shot his dead.

Any idea why?

No.



He was a senior scientific
adviser to the Government.

At eight twenty last night he
telephoned the Prime Minister.

And?

He said that he wanted
to meet him immediately

on a matter of
national importance.

He wouldn't say any
more on the telephone.

The Prime Minister
was most perturbed.

That's very understandable.

Do you know what
Pendred was working on?

Nothing out of the ordinary.
He was a Forestry expert.

Well come along
Rhonda, pump, pump.

I'm taking on a starboard list.

You'll... a... keep
me informed, Steed?

Of course.



You take his apartment.

And you'll ... a ...

Take the office.

Yes?

Steed.

Oh yes, they told
me to expect you.

Mmm. I'm Carter, Sir
James Pendred's Secretary.

Come in, won't you?

There's nothing
to stop me really.

You know they stole
the front door as well.

So I noticed.

Can't imagine why they
bothered to leave that.

Anything else missing?

Well not as far as I can see.

No secret papers, Memoranda?
Confidential documents?

We don't deal in secrets
in this department,

we plant trees.

When they grow up,
we cut them down.

What a rich life you must lead.

Well everything
seems to be here.

May I?

By all means.

Applications for annual leave.

The red tick in the margin means
Sir James has approved them.

I'm very glad to hear
it. Anything else?

Statistics on the damage caused to
young Norway Spruce by field mice.

Ooh. Grave situation.

Well actually that report
is rather disturbing.

Disturbing enough for Sir James
to phone the Prime Minister?

Err... no, no, hardly that.

But something was.

Yes?

Sir James Pendred's residence?

Yes.

We are Wormdoom Limited.
Sir James asked us to call.

I regret to inform you that Sir
James passed away last night.

I was quite aware of that
old fruit gum. We were there.

You can't come in here.

Where do you think you're going?

- Charming place.
- Has character.

Get out!

D'you hear me?

Get out!

Get out!

I say, what a
delightful painting.

Oh it's awfully nice.

Original do you think?

Yes, could be ... could be.

It's a print.

A copy... quite valueless.

Oh there's very little
of value in this house.

No money... nothing.

I detest imitations.

I loathe anything inferior.

You look rather
inferior to me old man.

What do you want?

We'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see.

We're looking for a
photograph old bean.

A photograph?

Taken just before the war.

A group photographs. Some chaps.

Students at the institute
of Timber Technology.

Oh Sir James was
a student there.

We know.

In fact he's one of the
chappies in the photograph.

Oh I think I know
the one you mean.

I'll get it for you.

It's in the album, in the desk.

Don't concern yourself
old trout, we will find it.

In the album.

In the desk.

You know I do despise
the working classes.

They're so ... so ...

Working class?

Quite.

Well shall we George?

Mmmm.

It's locked Kenneth.
my old grapefruit.

Carter.

Oh hold on a moment will you ...

It's for you.

Steed.

Yes Tara.

Uhuh.

The institute of what?

Institute

of

Timber Technology.

Ooh. Excuse me.

Hold on a moment,
I'll note that down.

Most odd.

What is?

It's crumbling.

What is?

This pencil.

Err look, if you're got a
lead... you ... you follow it up.

I've got a problem
on timber tech...

technology, right here.

Goodbye.

Professor Palmer?

Don't move, stay
exactly where you are.

One more steep and you'd have
put your foot on a mighty Redwood.

Where?

There! Little darling isn't she.

Sequoia sempervirens.

She doesn't look like
a mighty Redwood.

Ah, not now perhaps,

but you come back in a
couple of thousand years.

Then you'll see.

that's if the frost doesn't
get her this winter.

Actually, I was looking
for Professor Palmer.

Oh, how do you do?

Oh hallo! Tara King.

Very pleased to meet you.

Well, don't let's
hang about here ...

come along ... up to base camp.

Right.

Only mind where you step.

Oh.

There ... that's it ... that's it ...

There are now, come along in .

Take a pew my dear.

- Thank you
- Take a pew.

That's it. There.

They said you might
be able to help me.

Well... well...
I'll do what I can.

Whould you care for a snitter?

It's a bit early
for me thank you.

Yes. Quit right my
dear, quite right.

Never touch a drop
before sundown.

That's what makes
people go to seed out here.

The white man's grave.

Mmmm.

Mmm. You don't happen to
recognise any of those people, do you?

No I don't.

Yes... that's Pendred!

Got himself a
knighthood I believe.

And that's Pym, he's an
expert on timber decay.

- I see. A friend of yours.
- Yes.

Who's that?

That's Forsythe.

He went out to Africa
in the Forestry service.

And that's... that's Wainwright.

That one.

Yes, he's a Managing Director of
something or other I understand.

- Err... and... a...
- That one.

That one is Sanbow. Yes...

- Sanbow?
- Yes.

What happened to him?

I don't know. He's
probably in prison.

He's a bad lot,
Sanbow. No principles.

Bit of a rotter.

Anything else you
wanted to know about.

Well I was...

Oh I'm sorry my dear, I
didn't mean to alarm you.

It's the sparrows you know.

After me seedlings. Gives
them a bit of a fright this.

I dare say, huh.

Mmm.

You don't remember anything
unusual about this group of men, do you?

Oh yes, yes.

They were all doing
research on fungi.

- Fungi!
- Yes.

They discovered something...
err... quite by chance.

- About fungi?
- They wouldn't say.

They got a bit worried.

They took an oath of secrecy...

they wouldn't say.

But I knew what it was. Oh yes.

- Did you?
- I knew.

What was it?

How extraordinary.

Yes, isn't it?

You're an authority on timber.

Have you got an envelope?

Err not me old chap,

timber was Sir James' province,
I'm purely administrative.

Oh. Well... a... who
would you recommend?

Offhand I would say Pym was your man.

Leading authority
on timber decay.

Yes... yes, old Reggie Pym.

- Mr. Pym.
- Shhhh.

- My name is a...
- Please...

I'm sorry.

Listen this.

Recognise it?

I might if you
played a bit more.

Err...

- Wagner?
- Anobium Tesallatum.

Of course.

The mating call of
the death watch beetle.

In due course the female lays
her eggs and the male departs.

And the roof collapses.

On the only wooden
bell tower in this area.

Not if we act on
time Mr... err...

Steed... from the Ministry.

Really sir... and
what can I do for you?

I'd like your opinion on this.

I'll do my best to help you sir.

Ah yes, quite unmistakeable.

Junuperus Virginiana.

- A disease?
- A timber.

The Virginian Pencil cedar.

This is the remains of a pencil?

Yes, quite recently.

Yes. Still not to worry sir
they're very cheap luckily,

you can easily buy another one.

Oh, I'm not worried about
the cost. It's not my pencil.

No, what concerns
me... is the cause.

- Cause?
- Well...

it just fell apart in my hand.

It crumbled away to nothing.

Good gracious. Decay
perhaps? Some sort of decay.

Is this decay common?

No sir, I would say
most uncommon.

In fact I think I only
ever remember once...

Remember what?

Oh nothing sir. Look I'm
very tied up at the moment.

As I told you just now I have

Anobium Tessallatum
in the hammer bean

and I have Hylotropus
Byjalum in the purlins.

So after all that, would you think me
very rude if I went and had a sit down?

No, after all that, I wouldn't.

Lovely old place, isn't it?

Mmmm. Charming.

Adore the countryside.

Have you ever strangled
anybody old chap?

Strangled?

No.

No, I can't say I have.

Trees are awfully nice at
this time of year, aren't they?

- Don't you think?
- Mmmm. Awfully nice.

Just a hint of
Autumn in the leaves.

I wonder what it's like?

What?

Strangling.

Strangling.

Rather unpleasant
I should imagine.

Not a method a
gentleman would use.

Oh quite... quite.
Awfully vulgar.

Mmmmm.

- Country air jolly invigorating.
- Yes...

- It makes one glad to be alive.
- Mmmm.

Shall we do it now.

I don't think so, no.

Just get a good look at the
geography and come back tonight.

It's always better in the dark.

Much better.

More sort of... dramatic.

Ah the pencil yes.

I'll examine this sometime Mr. Steed...

might even put it
under the microscope.

I'll give you a ring...

probably on the telephone
at the end of the day.

I'll leave my number.

I'll ring you this
evening without fail sir.

Had a busy day?

Not more than usual.

Here's the photograph.

Well that's Pym, isn't it?

D'you know him?

Yes, I spent the afternoon with
him up in the belfry. He's a bit batty.

In the belfry?

Huh, well nevertheless
he's an expert in timber

decay according to the
late Professor Palmer.

That's right. The late Professor Palmer?

Mmmm, cut off right in the
middle of a conversation.

By the way, how is Mr. Pym?

He was all right
when I last saw him...

Mmm, considering the
fact that two people in that

photograph have already
been murdered, perhaps...

Yes, just what I was thinking.

Hallo. Hallo.

Nobody there?

There must be.

Somebody picked up the receiver

and left it off the
hook. Hello! Hello!

Mr. Pym?

Possibly,

On the other hand...

Possibly not. Shall we go.

Somebody down there?

Anybody?

Is that you...

There's the church bell.

Dry...

Dry.

Do you want water?

No thank you.

Dry rot.

Dry rot.

Dry rot.

Run riot.

That's Pendred and Pym
gone. Who are the others?

The one with the
moustache is Wainwright.

He's Managing Director of
Wainwright Timber Industries.

The one on the right is
Forsythe. He's in Africa.

The other one that's Sawbow.

Where's Sawbow?

Well, I had a bit of
trouble locating him.

His old college Professor seems to
think he might have been in prison.

- Where?
- In prison.

Well is he in prison?

No. He's in the
antique business.

Oh, stealing them?

No, restoring.

What, to the rightful owners?

No, to their
original condition...

at least that's what he says.

Well we can leave
Forsythe in Africa.

You can see Wainright.

And you of course...

Will see Sawbow, the College
Cad... as far as I can see.

How d'you do? I'm
looking for Mr. Sawbow.

Are you?

Mice?

Woodworm.

Shoot them?

Stimulating them.

Ah, it's nice to see the
old crafts aren't dying out.

What can I do for you?

My name is Steed, of
Steed and Hepplewhite.

Antique Exporters.

We have branches in New York,
Los Angeles, San Francisco...

Toronto, Montreal, Seattle,
Winnipeg... all points west...

We're looking for
selected pieces.

Oh... of course. Oh...
delighted to meet you.

How d'you do?

Err... What sort of pieces
were you looking for?

Quality pieces. No fakes.

They've got to be genuine. Our
American customers are very selective.

Oh my dear chap, everything that leaves
my premises is genuine, to the last detail.

Looks a bit new to me.

Become well it's been
restored you see.

Oh, I see. Restored.

Well, we don't object to a
certain amount of restoration,

as long as it's done, shall we
say... well how shall we say...

Artistically.

Discreetly. Very,
very discreetly.

Of course. You
can watch if you like.

I'd love to.

And there you see... a... the..
a... top of this has been renewed,

so we have to distress it to...
mmm.. match it up with the rest.

That should distress it.

I'm sure it will.

The.. a.. sides are
genuine, aren't they?

No, they've been replaced.

Oh. How about the drawers?

No.

The legs?

One of them is.

Well you'd never know which one.

Oh you...

you're looking at the top
they've been replaced, do you?

The bottom's genuine.

Mmmm.

Oh this is a genuine Georgian
castor here. There's no mistaking that.

Huh, there...

Look at that, eh.

Goodness me, that's
magnificent. That represents

two hundred years
of fair wear and tear.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh,
it's not finished yet.

It'll be as good
as old in no time.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

By the way, who
put you on to me?

An old friend of
yours, Reggie Pym.

Pym?

Yes, he said he was
at college with you.

Yes, yes, that's right... I am...

haven't heard of him for years.

for all I know
he could be... a...

- Dead?
- Oh, I don't know...

struck me as a possibility.

He is... he was murdered.

Who are you?

I thought we'd
been through all that.

I'm Steed of Steed and...

Yes well I'd like to check up on
your firm before we do any business.

There's a lot of very
shady people in this game.

You astonish me.

As a matter of fact,
there is something that

we're very concerned
about in old timber.

What's that?

Dry rot. Awful lot
of it about lately.

I'll pop in and see
you later. Good day.

Sawbow here.

Look there's been a chap in
here asking a lot of questions.

He knows something.

Yes I'm sure of it.

All right.

I'll see you this afternoon.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

I'd like to see Mr. Weinwright.

Yes, by all means.

I didn't make an appointment.

It won't be necessary.

This young lady would
like to see Mr. Weinwright.

Of course. Come
this way, won't you?

Mr. Weinwright?

But of course. You asked
to see him, didn't you?

Oh... yes.

You're not staff, are you?

No.

Well of course the
main reason he is here

is to enable the staff to
pay their last respects.

But of course friends and
family are equally welcome.

What was the cause?

Overwork. Sheer overwork.

He never spared himself.

Our firm was everything to him.

How long have you
been with the firm?

Well actually I'm
with the B.B.C.

British Burial Caskets.

We're a subsidiary of W.T.I.

This is one of ours, naturally.

handsome.

English oak.

Impregnated throughout with Neverot.

Neverot?

A timber preservative.

Made by another
of our subsidiaries.

Wormdoom.

Yes, they're sure
it's the same girl.

Well he should be able
to, she's only just left.

Right.

Sandford's going
to deal with her.

One minute the gate was there.

The next minute it wasn't.

Just like that?

Just like that.

Well you got the car back.

Eight miles I had to walk
before I found my car.

Oh!

And then all the
tyres were flat.

Now let's get back to this.

He'd let the air out.

Yes. Now why would
anyone try to steal

a photograph from...

from Pendred's apartment?

Well I should think it's because
one of the men in the group...

Didn't want to be seen
with the rest of the group.

Especially if he intended
popping the rest of them off.

It's possible.

Now we've got Wainwright,
Pendred and Pym all dead. That leaves

Forsythe and Sawbow.

Now Sawbow is supposed
to be seeing someone tonight.

You keep tabs on him, perhaps you'd
drop me at Forsythe's on your way.

In Africa?

Africa, no, in Hertfordshire.

I telephoned to his Mother she
said he'd be back any minute.

Do you really think I'd ask
you to drive me to Africa?

- Oh, no.
- There are certain things...

Mrs. Forsythe?

Ah! Oh you did startle me.

I'm very sorry.

I'm a little excited today.

To tell you the truth, I'm
expecting my son, Victor.

He's coming from
Africa, you know?

Err yes, he hasn't arrived yet.

No that stupid old
plane was delayed.

Oh I see.

That's very beautiful.

Mmm. Lovely.

Look, I always prefer plastic
flowers, they last so much longer.

Ha!

Are you a friend of his?

Yes, my name is John Steed.
Perhaps he's mentioned me.

Not that I remember off hand.

Err, would you care to
come inside and wait for him?

Oh that's very
kind of you... may I?

Oh... oh thank you.

Do come in.

Oh... err... these are two
more friends of Victor's.

They're waiting to see him too.

Do you all know each other?

I don't think we do.

Oh well, this is John,

that's Kenneth and that's George.

Do sit down.

Now if you'll excuse me I'll go
away with these silly old roses.

I don't care what any one
says, I like the plastic roses.

They last so much longer.

The weather's taken
a turn for the better.

- Yes.
- Yes I suppose it has.

Yes...

could be a lot worse.

It could be a lot worse.

Yes I suppose it could really.

Yes.

Know old Victor long?

Yes quite some time.

- Nice chap.
- Oh frightfully nice.

One of the best.

He's an awfully good pianist.

Oh frightfully good, yes.

Yes, I'll say one thing for old
Victor. He really can play the piano.

Pretty good on the violin too.

Mmmm.

Actually his real
instrument is the clarinet.

Now he was absolutely
fantastic on the clarinet.

Oh quite fantastic.

Yes he really can play
the clarinet. Really can.

Who can, dear?

Victor, Mrs. Forsythe.

Can he really? He never told me.

Oh of course how stupid of me, it
was Edwin who plays the clarinet.

Oh, I thought it
couldn't be Victor,

he can't play a
thing, never could.

Now I'll be back soon
and we'll all have some tea.

Ah!

Ah!

Yes it was Edwin
who plays the clarinet.

He's another friend of mine.

Well it's a great pity
Victor can't play the clarinet.

Lovely instrument.

Never mind what he plays
John. What are you playing?

Ah, tea, splendid. Give
the lady a hand, Kenneth.

A cup of tea is the best thing
to calm us when we get excited.

Oh are we excited then?

Well of course, we're
all waiting for Victor.

Oh of course we are. How silly
of me. Now do let me help you.

Err... now... do
we all take sugar?

I do. How about you
Kenneth, one lump or two?

Oh dear, I've
forgotten to bring it in.

Never mind, I'll start
to pour out, shall I?

Interesting sound.

Yes, they don't write tunes
like that any more you know.

John, you're very naughty.

Now you're to put
those thing in the piano,

wherever it is.

That's how they start.

Carelessness like that.

Hmmm?

Forest fires. That's
how they start.

I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.

Too late to be sorry.

Too late when you've burned down

three hundred
acres of prime timber.

Well there's no
harm done, is there?

Come here to burn
down our trees, did you?

Is that why you came?

Oh don't be so ridiculous.
of course I didn't.

Oh you came here for
something else did you?

You're a poacher, are you?

Certainly not.

You look like a poacher to me.

This is stupid.

I'm having a walk,
I did no harm.

Of course I'm not a poacher.

Ahhh....

I've done nothing. Err...

what is all this
about? Who are you?

He doesn't know who we are.

that's funny.

Because we know who
you are... Mr. Sawbow.

You'd better not
do anything to me.

I'm meeting somebody
here any minute.

I'm meeting somebody
here... a friend.

Oh yes, your friend,

he can't make it... so
we've come instead.

- Where is he?
- I've told you,

he can't make it.

He told us all about you though.

About you knowing too much.

Get on your feet.

See who that is.

Just a temporary delay.

We wouldn't want anyone
to disturb us now, would we?

Sawbow dead?

Yes. Shot, point blank.

Body found about an hour ago.

Probably dumped
from a motor car.

Any news of Tara?
She was tailing him.

No, not yet.

But I presume she'll contact us
when she has something to report.

Oh, there's one other
matter of interest.

Yes.

Forsythe was supposed to be
coming back from Africa wasn't he?

According to his Mother, Mother.

Yes. Well he arrived in Paris
a week ago, then disappeared.

Then he could have
been in London.

Mmmm. Precisely.

I've got a dozen men
trying to locate him.

It's not Forsythe
I'm worried about,

it's Tara. I wish I knew
where she was.

Acid!

Compliments of the management.

Ah! And just specifically
who are the management?

You'll find out in due course.

Mmm. Ah! Fifty-three.

Not a very good year was it?

Will you stop
walking about Steed?

Mother.

Tara?

Oh!

Good.

Is it Tara?

Forsythe's turned up in London.

Where is he?

At your apartment.
Waiting for you.

Did you take a look at the girl?

Yes we did. She's safe enough.

We found she's working
with a man called Steed.

Don't worry though,
somebody's dealing with him.

Oh, where?

In his apartment.

So you're Forsythe?

No old chap,

I am.

Hello.

All finished?

Oh I think there's
a little wine left.

Make the most of it darling.

You weren't thinking of trying to
clobber me with that bottle, were you?

Oh well it had crossed my mind,
I get so few pleasures down here.

Oh, you'll get a few
less in a short while.

Oblige me by dropping your gun.

I... I thought you were...

Dead? No Miss King,
not dead, merely resting.

My Mother told me a chap
called Steed wanted to see me,

I came here and he let me
in and then he tried to kill me.

Only he wasn't quick enough.

He wasn't Steed, either. I am.

Ha! Ha! come off it, I'm
not falling for that one.

- Well how about this?
- Oh!...

Now let's have a
little chat, shall we?

You and four other people

joined the Institute
of Timber Technology,

now you jointly discovered
something, what was it?

Dry rot?

Yes. A mutation.

Frightful stuff.
Spreads like wildfire.

We made a pact to keep
quiet about it. All five of us.

You're the only one alive.
The other four are dead.

Well hang on, old
Wainwright isn't dead I spoke

to him on the phone,
not half an hour ago.

You what?

Yes I had a letter from him in
Africa something about a job...

I didn't like the sound of it.

He sounded even madder
than the last time I saw him.

So Wainwright's alive...

Yes and as mad as a hatter.

He's using the dry
rot for something.

I say, have you seen what
they did to my Mother's piano?

Seen what they
did. I was under it!

There was another thing...
that chap there had two guns.

One of them seems to be
some sort of a spray gun.

Thank you.

Oh by the way, just
one other question.

What have you been doing in the
week since you left the plane in Paris?

Ah! Well, now that's
a rather funny story.

I'm dying to hear it.

There was this
awfully pretty girl...

I've heard it.

Now you stay here, give yourself a
drink and don't budge till I get back.

Why, where are you off to?

I'm going to see the
late Mr. Wainwright.

You fellows certainly know
how to make a girl feel good.

No offence Miss King...
but killing girls is well... a...

it's not cricket you
see... it just isn't done.

I'm glad to hear it.

You see there are certain ethics,

standards of behaviour...

err... certain actions which a
gentleman would never consider.

Well then I wouldn't want to put
you in on embarrassing position.

Dashed decent of you Miss King.

So why don't just

untie these silly
ropes and let me go?

Oh, no no...

we couldn't do that... impossible.

I say,

if you're friends knew
that you'd killed a girl,

he'd never forgive you.

Would you?

She's got a point
you know... I wouldn't.

I say, it's a jolly awkward
situation. Ah! I've got it...

Ah! I've got it...

Yes.

We let Sandford do it.

A splendid idea.

Sandford?

Yes, he's a decent
enough chap but...

well frankly he's a bit... ....

Mmmm.

Still I'm sure he'll be
delighted to kill you.

Oh thanks very much.

Oh not at all.

My word that was
a sticky moment...

however, all's
well that ends well.

Neat.

Frightfully. Hmmmm.

You two wait outside,
we'll deal with this.

Well cheerio Miss King.

Awfully nice to meet you.

Toodle dip old thing. Chin up.

I regret to inform you Madam,

that your usefulness has ended.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Why have you kept
me here sol long?

I thought we might
need a hostage until

your friend Steed
was out of the way,

but now however,
he's been disposed of.

Yes, but please
don't distress yourself.

I've decided that you're
going to join him very shortly.

Let me give you a
little demonstration...

dry rot in action.

I've already seen it.

Ah but that was

the retarded variety.

That only destroyed the
wood it was applied to

and the area surrounding it.

Now this it unretarded.

What's the difference?

The difference?

This forms a large fungus.

The fungus releases spores.

The wind carries the spores

and every piece of
timber they touch rots...

Ha! Ha! Ha!.... Rots! Rots!

See that?

It's a pillar box.

Is it?

Well it's not for letters.

We're putting those at street

corners all over
England. D'you know why?

You're collecting
postage stamps.

It is not a post box, Miss King,

but a giant spray. Like this,

only that contains five
hundred times more dry rot.

They are activated
by radio control.

I push this button

and the air is filled with rot
from Lands End to John O'Groats.

The whole country will rot.

Roofs will fall.

Floors will collapse

and then the spores will
drift across the channel.

The whole Europe will
rot. The whole world.

Unless of course
they agree to my terms.

Which are?

One thousand million pounds.

A modest sum you'll agree.

You don't really believe
all this rot, do you?

Consider a world
without wood Miss King...

My dry rot will make
the nuclear bomb...

the greatest earthquake...

the mightiest volcano,
seem as insignificant as

a tear drop in Niagara.

Steed!

Ah!

He's got a plan to release
dry rot and destroy the word.

Haven't we all?

The quickest undertakers
in the business. Shall we go?

Plain flour... two pounds.

hand milled on stone of course.

Of course.

Eggs,

two, three, four dozen.

All laid by pedigree hens
within the last three hours.

Naturally.

Salt.

From the coast of
Brittany, coarse ground.

Seven rare and exotic herbs.

- Milk.
- Llama's.

Is there any other kind?

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sugar?

Wild cane.

And pimentoes.

Whiskey.

- What?
- That's for me.

Oh!

Mix together for ten
minutes. Ten minutes later

I will come in an
administer the... a...

Magic touch of the master chef.

And ten minutes
after that we'll have

Steed's crusted
omelette of mushroom.

Mushroom.