The Avengers (1961–1969): Season 7, Episode 13 - They Keep Killing Steed - full transcript
Enemy agent Arcos has invented a form of instant plastic surgery and he uses it to imprison Steed and create a double, who is sent to throw a spanner in the works at an important peace conference at a country house. Although Steed overpowers his jailer and escapes, Miss King still has to deal with the matter of more than one doppelganger for her colleague though none seem to survive for very long. Until Steed arrives she is assisted by a dashing blond German count.
Arcos!
Arcos!
Arcos!
He's ready.
That's not me!
The nose... nose is wrong
That's not my face.
The hairline is not good.
The ears...
No, doesn't work.
We need Steed.
It won't work from photographs.
We need Steed.
The man himself.
We need Steed.
We can't do it without him.
We must capture Steed.
It's not my face.
It's not my face.
It's not my face!
Dispensable.
Dispensable.
Ten degrees starboard.
No, make it nine and a half.
We're here.
Mother.
Ah, good morning, General.
The Peace Conference?
Yes it's all under control.
Steed and Tara King are there.
Huh! Treating it as a sort of holiday.
Yes, they don't think
they'll be any trouble.
Yes, I'll keep you informed.
Prepare to abandon ship.
Goodbye General.
I must say I'm looking forward
to going under the water.
It'll be very quiet down here.
Captain Smythe?
Mother.
I would like you to liase with Steed
and Tara King at the Peace Conference.
I...
I shall be working undercover.
Yes.
They'll be signing in at the Sun Hotel.
Excuse me.
Thank you Miss.
Come in!
Hello.
It's almost like being
on holiday, isn't it?
Hardly a holiday
Ah! you've got a
view of the open air.
Why are we here?
We are official observers of the Peace
Conference, it's quite a serious undertaking.
Mmmm... very routine... very boring.
Well let's break the routine with a drink.
I'm sorry sir, the bar isn't open...
Steed's bar.
Come to my room, it's
exactly the same as yours...
except it faces a brick wall.
Mmmmm.
Kurt darling, wait for me.
Wait. Wait for me.
The second time round
we'll put up the fences.
Kurt! Here!
Will you marry me?
Will you be my wife?
Good day sir.
Please, just for a moment...
- Be your wife?
- Just for five minutes or so.
- Only five minutes.
- Shssh...
I think he went in here.
- Kurt baby...
- You promised to choose between us.
Ladies, may I present my wife...
My wife!
- Tara.
- Tara.
Your wife!
Goodbye Helga. Goodbye Miranda.
You've earned my undying gratitude.
May I present myself? Baron
Von Kurt, always at your service.
Tara King.
John Steed.
Please forgive my intrusion
sir, but as you can see...
You have problems.
My own fault, a foolish mistake.
I arranged a rendezvous...
At the same time?
We understand one another Mr. Steed.
Once again my thanks Miss King.
- With your permission...
- indeed.
It was a privilege being married to you.
These holiday romances.
They never last.
Let's have a drink.
Go on.
Here we are.
Here's the bar.
Here's to a nice, quiet, uninterrupted...
Hello.
Speaking.
Captain Smythe.
No, we haven't met but it's... a
... extremely nice to talk to you.
Right away...
Uhuh.
What's the address?
I'll be there in ten minutes.
Captain Smythe of Security,
wants to see me right away.
Fourteen Wealwright Street.
Nearly dry.
Mmmm... Mmmm...
Excellent.
Good evening gentlemen.
It is not the evening.
Oh isn't it.
Gentlemen.
I use the word loosely, I have a shrewd
suspicion that there's dirty work afoot.
Yes.
Yes. We intend to infiltrate
the Peace Conference.
With a forged pass?
No, with a forged face.
D'you recognise it?
I can't say I do.
Mmmm. Well that is your face Mr. Steed.
With this face and
with this pass,
it will be child's play to get
past the Security guards.
Won't it look a little plastered?
Oh no, no, flesh!
Living flesh!
My goodness me.
Mmmm. Mmmm.
Well I won't bore you
with the technical jargon.
Thank you very much...
Plastoids and pigments
and molecular reconstruction.
But suffice to say that if a man should
put upon his face.. huh...like this...
this, this mould... yah.
Yeah.
Then, if he should then inject
himself with some of this...
... uh?
Within minutes.
his face will take on
the shape and the texture
and the exact detail
of the moulded face.
Instant plastic surgery.
Yes.
I could not have put that
more succinctly myself.
Instant plastic surgery. That's very good.
Does it work?
Oh yes.
Well of course you shall have
to take my word for it. huh?
Here's a list of the Agents.
All five of them are here in England.
All five resemble Steed in build.
Shall we use Perova?
Or Wintoff?
Wintoff.
Giorgio?
Are you finished?
Mmmm. Nadine.
But it...
We will use Nadine. Now tell Bruno
to take this kit to Nadine... all right?
Mr. Steed.
in a few hours time, Nadine shall
receive this kit, yeah, and he will
inject himself and in a few moments
he shall come to the door as you.
And the fake me will
destroy the Conference.
Yeah. Mmmm.
- Clever, is it not.
- Very clever.
I think it's brilliant.
Brilliant.
What happens now?
To you?
Yes.
We shall keep you here until the job is
done so there's no chance of a slip-up
And then... ?
Then we shall kill you.
Dedicated idealist or
altruistic opportunist?
Do what?
Yes, well .. er ... if
you were to untie me
drive me back to the hotel. I think
I have five hundred quid in notes ...
No chance ...
No ... no ... no chance.
Ah, well, it's worth trying ...
it happened before you know...
jailor accepts a bribe ...
- Not this jailor.
- Not this jailor.
Ah well, if I can't offer you
money, maybe I can offer you.. a ..
What?
Hello again. It's not
my lucky day is it?
You're not looking
for me by any chance?
- Actually ... no.
- Ah! for your friend, Steed?
Yes.
Well there's a good view
of the door from here
perhaps while you're waiting
you would care to join me.
Apart from owing you a drink,
I would be quite enchanted.
I hope Mr. Steed is
engaged for some weeks.
Months even.
Nadine!
Not bad.
Perova.
Mintoff.
Giorgio.
And for my next impression...
This should confuse
them... if it works.
- All right Mr. Steed.
- Thank you.
Verno.
D'you want something
to be delivered?
Yes ...
Zerson ...
Zerson you are a fool.
He hit me.
Huh. He shows wisdom.
What are you doing in England?
Well I need some new shirts
and I always find the English
shirt maker out the front much...
Oh dear!
Situation as before?
Yes I'm afraid so...
would you mind?
- Darling?
- Yes?
I wish you would let
me show you the town or
the country or the beach
or anywhere you like.
My car's just outside,
I will drive you to ...
To the ends of the earth.
I'd like to see Mr. Steed.
Tell him Captain Smythe pays
his respects and wishes to see him.
I'll make enquiries sir.
Captain Smythe.
Hello.
- Captain Smythe... Baron Von Kurt.
- You must be Miss King.
- Yes, how d'you do.
- Hello.
Where's Steed?
In his room, I imagine.
But I thought he was with you,
you rang him up and asked...
Certainly not! Is
that what he said...
that I called him?
- Oh no, I must have made a mistake.
- Yes.
Yes I think you have.
So Steed isn't here?
No, not at the moment.
- I'll call back later then... goodbye.
- Goodbye.
I think I'll take you up on that.
What?
A ride in your car.
Where d'you want to go?
The Old London Road.
Err... Mr. Nadine.
Just a moment.
Can I offer you a drink, Bruno?
I have four deliveries to make.
- See you baby.
- Bye bye.
So I am to be Steed.
John Steed.
Bowler... wake up!
Come on.
See you Giorgio!
Mmmm.
Courageous
but foolish.
The British are all the same, you
treat war like as if were a game.
I didn't know we were at war?
Your kind and my kind
should always be at war.
Such links as there are between us...
are very tenuous.
Not too tenuous.
Unfortunate.
What's unfortunate?
That I should have so
little time to get to know you.
This is the place.
There's someone at the door.
Well don't just stand there...
you'll catch your death.
Hello Mother.
Nice of you to drop in my dear.
Steed's missing.
Did you have any
difficulty finding the place?
A bit.
Straight down streams and
turn left at the salmon nets.
Mother didn't you heard
what I said about Steed?
Naturally I heard what
you said about Steed.
Medically my hearing
is A.I. plus. Acute even.
That's why I'm very pleased to be trying
out this new device for the Royal Navy.
Delightfully quiet.
Fish do not shout.
At least not very loudly.
He's been missing nearly two hours.
Two hours you say, well I
shouldn't worry about that.
There are a lot of diversions
in this part of the country.
Steed is easily diverted.
He went to see Captain Smythe.
Well there you are then...
Captain Smythe
keeps a jolly good cellar.
Cornered the market
on a very fine dry claret.
Not quite ambrosia
you understand.
I've just seen Smythe
and he hasn't seen Steed.
Not at the hotel and
not with Captain Smythe.
The question is... where is be?
I see you rely a great
deal upon your knight.
Huh.
I like his mobility.
The unfettered
free-lance of the board.
Hmmm.
Yes, you can tell.. a ...
a man's character from
the way he plays chess.
I couldn't agree more.
You seem to rely
heavily upon your pawns.
Hello Mr. Steed.
Huh.
Mate in three.
Err... Huh.
Oooh. Mate in two.
Mmmm.
- Mmm... mmm...
- Mate in one.
Oh... mmmm...
You don't like losing do you?
It's a bad habit.
well you should be prepared to
lose a few battles along the way...
but always win the last one.
Now listen, he's been
missing for over two hours.
You'll let me know immediately.
No news!
Kept it yourself did you?
Didn't tell Captain Smythe?
- Oh no.
- Good.
No use in starting a panic.
There's no use in our panicking either.
You'd better get back to your hotel.
And if something happens?
I'll let you know immediately.
All right. Swing along now.
Bye.
Where to now?
Back to the hotel.
And thank you for not
asking any questions.
I wouldn't know where to begin.
The Peace Conference starts at two o'clock.
Any minute now my
man should be on his way.
Or on their way.
Upstairs! Mr. Steed is
upstairs and he's dead.
What on hearth... Keep calm girl...
I came in the room...
It's like some ghastly
experiment gone wrong.
Very wrong.
Well it's obvious from the
finger-prints it's not Steed.
Now where's the real one then?
You do that with
a great deal of skill.
Yes.
Where did you learn?
From the operating
theatres of Europe.
I'd hardly look on
you as a healer!
Uh! I am a creator.
New faces.
New people.
Welcome to the Peace Conference, sir.
Have you ever thought
Mr. Steed...
how a man's character
is affected
by the face with which
he's born... hmmm?
- Yes I have.
- Mmmm.
Change his face.
New character.
Welcome to the
Peace Conference, sir.
I must concede that you have
a certain wit a certain talent.
But your potential... has never
really been developed, uh?
Why, if ten years ago, I had meet
you I could have done so much...
- but...
- But?
Now I have to kill you.
Listen... I... I don't pretend to
know you what this is about...
but your friend Steed, he he
means a great deal to you, yes?
Well, I'm sure he'll
turn up again soon.
He's in trouble.
I only met him once but he seems to
be a man well able to look after himself.
Look, why don't you come with
me down to my country house,
I promise you you'll be
well chaperoned and ...
The Conference...
The Conference...
The Conference.
That's why they grabbed Steed. make
a fake Steed and get his past the guards.
Welcome to the
Peace Conference, sir.
Listen, I've got to go,
I'm awfully sorry but...
But you can't explain.
It's all right, I understand.
I'm getting rather
used to it. All right,
now I'll drive you where
ever you want to go.
You don't like losing, do you?
Mr. Steed...
I believe you are a
connoisseur of wine.
Wine and people.
Mmm...
Mmm... edgy
A degree of bite, but
a little devious, uh?
Instant plastic surgery.
D'you reckon you'll
get away with this?
I know we will.
Hmmm. Well supposing the fake me gets
successfully into the Conference... what then?
A percussion bomb.
A percussion bomb?
On the Chairman's little... mmm....
Little gavel?
Little gavel. Mmm.
And when he calls the
Conference to order...
- Boom.
- Boom.
What's so funny?
You seem to have accepted
my invitation, after all.
- You mean this is...
- Is my hose, yes.
I leant it to the Authorities for the
Conference, it's the biggest place for miles.
But if you live here,
why are you staying ...
Why am I staying at the hotel?
Mmmmm?
I own that too.
Well you did ask.
Any minute now we
should get the message, uh?
Mission accomplished...
Conference kaputt.
Ah, Miss King...
good news, eh?
What?
You haven't heard?
Steed's alive.
- No!
- There you see, I told you.
Well where is he? Where is he?
Well my man told me he
was admitted some time ago.
Let's find him.
Mr. Steed.
The planes of the human
face are incredibly subtle.
A touch here and we get a
look of triumphant elation.
A touch there and we
get a mask of tragedy.
Triumph and tragedy...
sums up both our
situations, doesn't it?
Hmmm.
I wonder would it be amusing
if I were to incorporate both,
on that side a smile of
triumph for me,
and on this side, for you a look
of dismay, desperation.
I should leave it as it is.
Vacant, unsure.
- Unsure?
- Nothing's settled yet.
Steed!
Steed!
I've found Steed.
Where?
In there.
But he can't be...
he's in there.
- I don't believe it.
- Which one is Steed?
Someone wants to get
into the Peace Conference.
And...
And they're creating
duplicates of Steed to do it.
I don't believe it either.
Under the circumstances we must
believe that the real Steed is dead.
So?
So any other Steed's
must be shot on sight.
Err... would you mind accepting my
Grandfather's Gold hunter as temporary payment.
Excuse me, I've
seen someone I know.
... this may well prove as historic an
occasion as the Congress of Vienna.
Look, I really don't think
there's any point in staying here.
If Steed is going
to turn up again...
Steed!
And now gentlemen ...
Search the grounds.
If you see him, shoot.
Don't let him get away.
I think I can do
with one of these.
All right.
Let's go.
- It doesn't make sense.
- what doesn't make sense?
Well he didn't blow
up the Conference.
He had the bomb in his hand.
But he jumped out
the window with it.
... was no alternative.
He could have left the bomb
and jumped out the window.
You don't suppose that ...
- You go that way, I'll go this way.
- Right!
Hold it!
Put up your hands.
It's me.
All right.
What did I give you
for your birthday?
What did I give you?
Pearls.
Yes.
Now that doesn't prove anything.
Remember what time in Tibet?
We rescued that little Llama
remember... friend of the Dali's.
You must remember.
We used a light weight plane.
Two passengers fore and
aft. open cockpit, remember?
You and I shared
the Pilot's cockpit.
It was a very lucky thing we
did, we kept each other warm.
It's very cold in the
Himalayas at that time.
Remember,
as a result of all that
we delivered the little
Llama safe and sound.
He had nothing worse than
a ... than a frost-bitten nose.
Oh my goodness,
it wasn't you at all.
Steed, you'd better
remember something quickly.
Strawberry shortcake?
Steed!
Pinch a car!
Their orders are shoot to kill.
Pinch a car.
So you've brought a
car. How very thoughtful.
Steed?
I'm afraid not.
Look the woods are full of them.
Arcos!
Mmm,
A nice touch of irony, hmmm?
I am now you.
I shall walk away
from here, hmmm.
As you,
the most respected
Agent in the country.
I wouldn't go so
far as to say that.
That's Steed. Who else
could smile at a time like this.
- Steed?
- Mmmmm?
- You were right you know.
- Mmmmm.
- Wasn't really a holiday, was it?
- Mmmmmm.
We were to attend the
Peace Conference...
as official observers.
Just that and nothing more.
That was our duty.
Gadding about in the countryside.
We haven't any time
for that sort of things.
For what sort of things?
- Gadding about in the countryside.
- Mmmmm.
Lolling about in the
sunshine. ... on the beach.
Mmmm. Ridiculous.
Irresponsible.
It's absolutely out
of the question.
Unpatriotic even.
Still...
I do think it's a bit
mean of Mother.
What's a bit mean of Mother?
Making us come back
on the very next day.
Mmmmm.
I think it's going to rain.
Arcos!
Arcos!
He's ready.
That's not me!
The nose... nose is wrong
That's not my face.
The hairline is not good.
The ears...
No, doesn't work.
We need Steed.
It won't work from photographs.
We need Steed.
The man himself.
We need Steed.
We can't do it without him.
We must capture Steed.
It's not my face.
It's not my face.
It's not my face!
Dispensable.
Dispensable.
Ten degrees starboard.
No, make it nine and a half.
We're here.
Mother.
Ah, good morning, General.
The Peace Conference?
Yes it's all under control.
Steed and Tara King are there.
Huh! Treating it as a sort of holiday.
Yes, they don't think
they'll be any trouble.
Yes, I'll keep you informed.
Prepare to abandon ship.
Goodbye General.
I must say I'm looking forward
to going under the water.
It'll be very quiet down here.
Captain Smythe?
Mother.
I would like you to liase with Steed
and Tara King at the Peace Conference.
I...
I shall be working undercover.
Yes.
They'll be signing in at the Sun Hotel.
Excuse me.
Thank you Miss.
Come in!
Hello.
It's almost like being
on holiday, isn't it?
Hardly a holiday
Ah! you've got a
view of the open air.
Why are we here?
We are official observers of the Peace
Conference, it's quite a serious undertaking.
Mmmm... very routine... very boring.
Well let's break the routine with a drink.
I'm sorry sir, the bar isn't open...
Steed's bar.
Come to my room, it's
exactly the same as yours...
except it faces a brick wall.
Mmmmm.
Kurt darling, wait for me.
Wait. Wait for me.
The second time round
we'll put up the fences.
Kurt! Here!
Will you marry me?
Will you be my wife?
Good day sir.
Please, just for a moment...
- Be your wife?
- Just for five minutes or so.
- Only five minutes.
- Shssh...
I think he went in here.
- Kurt baby...
- You promised to choose between us.
Ladies, may I present my wife...
My wife!
- Tara.
- Tara.
Your wife!
Goodbye Helga. Goodbye Miranda.
You've earned my undying gratitude.
May I present myself? Baron
Von Kurt, always at your service.
Tara King.
John Steed.
Please forgive my intrusion
sir, but as you can see...
You have problems.
My own fault, a foolish mistake.
I arranged a rendezvous...
At the same time?
We understand one another Mr. Steed.
Once again my thanks Miss King.
- With your permission...
- indeed.
It was a privilege being married to you.
These holiday romances.
They never last.
Let's have a drink.
Go on.
Here we are.
Here's the bar.
Here's to a nice, quiet, uninterrupted...
Hello.
Speaking.
Captain Smythe.
No, we haven't met but it's... a
... extremely nice to talk to you.
Right away...
Uhuh.
What's the address?
I'll be there in ten minutes.
Captain Smythe of Security,
wants to see me right away.
Fourteen Wealwright Street.
Nearly dry.
Mmmm... Mmmm...
Excellent.
Good evening gentlemen.
It is not the evening.
Oh isn't it.
Gentlemen.
I use the word loosely, I have a shrewd
suspicion that there's dirty work afoot.
Yes.
Yes. We intend to infiltrate
the Peace Conference.
With a forged pass?
No, with a forged face.
D'you recognise it?
I can't say I do.
Mmmm. Well that is your face Mr. Steed.
With this face and
with this pass,
it will be child's play to get
past the Security guards.
Won't it look a little plastered?
Oh no, no, flesh!
Living flesh!
My goodness me.
Mmmm. Mmmm.
Well I won't bore you
with the technical jargon.
Thank you very much...
Plastoids and pigments
and molecular reconstruction.
But suffice to say that if a man should
put upon his face.. huh...like this...
this, this mould... yah.
Yeah.
Then, if he should then inject
himself with some of this...
... uh?
Within minutes.
his face will take on
the shape and the texture
and the exact detail
of the moulded face.
Instant plastic surgery.
Yes.
I could not have put that
more succinctly myself.
Instant plastic surgery. That's very good.
Does it work?
Oh yes.
Well of course you shall have
to take my word for it. huh?
Here's a list of the Agents.
All five of them are here in England.
All five resemble Steed in build.
Shall we use Perova?
Or Wintoff?
Wintoff.
Giorgio?
Are you finished?
Mmmm. Nadine.
But it...
We will use Nadine. Now tell Bruno
to take this kit to Nadine... all right?
Mr. Steed.
in a few hours time, Nadine shall
receive this kit, yeah, and he will
inject himself and in a few moments
he shall come to the door as you.
And the fake me will
destroy the Conference.
Yeah. Mmmm.
- Clever, is it not.
- Very clever.
I think it's brilliant.
Brilliant.
What happens now?
To you?
Yes.
We shall keep you here until the job is
done so there's no chance of a slip-up
And then... ?
Then we shall kill you.
Dedicated idealist or
altruistic opportunist?
Do what?
Yes, well .. er ... if
you were to untie me
drive me back to the hotel. I think
I have five hundred quid in notes ...
No chance ...
No ... no ... no chance.
Ah, well, it's worth trying ...
it happened before you know...
jailor accepts a bribe ...
- Not this jailor.
- Not this jailor.
Ah well, if I can't offer you
money, maybe I can offer you.. a ..
What?
Hello again. It's not
my lucky day is it?
You're not looking
for me by any chance?
- Actually ... no.
- Ah! for your friend, Steed?
Yes.
Well there's a good view
of the door from here
perhaps while you're waiting
you would care to join me.
Apart from owing you a drink,
I would be quite enchanted.
I hope Mr. Steed is
engaged for some weeks.
Months even.
Nadine!
Not bad.
Perova.
Mintoff.
Giorgio.
And for my next impression...
This should confuse
them... if it works.
- All right Mr. Steed.
- Thank you.
Verno.
D'you want something
to be delivered?
Yes ...
Zerson ...
Zerson you are a fool.
He hit me.
Huh. He shows wisdom.
What are you doing in England?
Well I need some new shirts
and I always find the English
shirt maker out the front much...
Oh dear!
Situation as before?
Yes I'm afraid so...
would you mind?
- Darling?
- Yes?
I wish you would let
me show you the town or
the country or the beach
or anywhere you like.
My car's just outside,
I will drive you to ...
To the ends of the earth.
I'd like to see Mr. Steed.
Tell him Captain Smythe pays
his respects and wishes to see him.
I'll make enquiries sir.
Captain Smythe.
Hello.
- Captain Smythe... Baron Von Kurt.
- You must be Miss King.
- Yes, how d'you do.
- Hello.
Where's Steed?
In his room, I imagine.
But I thought he was with you,
you rang him up and asked...
Certainly not! Is
that what he said...
that I called him?
- Oh no, I must have made a mistake.
- Yes.
Yes I think you have.
So Steed isn't here?
No, not at the moment.
- I'll call back later then... goodbye.
- Goodbye.
I think I'll take you up on that.
What?
A ride in your car.
Where d'you want to go?
The Old London Road.
Err... Mr. Nadine.
Just a moment.
Can I offer you a drink, Bruno?
I have four deliveries to make.
- See you baby.
- Bye bye.
So I am to be Steed.
John Steed.
Bowler... wake up!
Come on.
See you Giorgio!
Mmmm.
Courageous
but foolish.
The British are all the same, you
treat war like as if were a game.
I didn't know we were at war?
Your kind and my kind
should always be at war.
Such links as there are between us...
are very tenuous.
Not too tenuous.
Unfortunate.
What's unfortunate?
That I should have so
little time to get to know you.
This is the place.
There's someone at the door.
Well don't just stand there...
you'll catch your death.
Hello Mother.
Nice of you to drop in my dear.
Steed's missing.
Did you have any
difficulty finding the place?
A bit.
Straight down streams and
turn left at the salmon nets.
Mother didn't you heard
what I said about Steed?
Naturally I heard what
you said about Steed.
Medically my hearing
is A.I. plus. Acute even.
That's why I'm very pleased to be trying
out this new device for the Royal Navy.
Delightfully quiet.
Fish do not shout.
At least not very loudly.
He's been missing nearly two hours.
Two hours you say, well I
shouldn't worry about that.
There are a lot of diversions
in this part of the country.
Steed is easily diverted.
He went to see Captain Smythe.
Well there you are then...
Captain Smythe
keeps a jolly good cellar.
Cornered the market
on a very fine dry claret.
Not quite ambrosia
you understand.
I've just seen Smythe
and he hasn't seen Steed.
Not at the hotel and
not with Captain Smythe.
The question is... where is be?
I see you rely a great
deal upon your knight.
Huh.
I like his mobility.
The unfettered
free-lance of the board.
Hmmm.
Yes, you can tell.. a ...
a man's character from
the way he plays chess.
I couldn't agree more.
You seem to rely
heavily upon your pawns.
Hello Mr. Steed.
Huh.
Mate in three.
Err... Huh.
Oooh. Mate in two.
Mmmm.
- Mmm... mmm...
- Mate in one.
Oh... mmmm...
You don't like losing do you?
It's a bad habit.
well you should be prepared to
lose a few battles along the way...
but always win the last one.
Now listen, he's been
missing for over two hours.
You'll let me know immediately.
No news!
Kept it yourself did you?
Didn't tell Captain Smythe?
- Oh no.
- Good.
No use in starting a panic.
There's no use in our panicking either.
You'd better get back to your hotel.
And if something happens?
I'll let you know immediately.
All right. Swing along now.
Bye.
Where to now?
Back to the hotel.
And thank you for not
asking any questions.
I wouldn't know where to begin.
The Peace Conference starts at two o'clock.
Any minute now my
man should be on his way.
Or on their way.
Upstairs! Mr. Steed is
upstairs and he's dead.
What on hearth... Keep calm girl...
I came in the room...
It's like some ghastly
experiment gone wrong.
Very wrong.
Well it's obvious from the
finger-prints it's not Steed.
Now where's the real one then?
You do that with
a great deal of skill.
Yes.
Where did you learn?
From the operating
theatres of Europe.
I'd hardly look on
you as a healer!
Uh! I am a creator.
New faces.
New people.
Welcome to the Peace Conference, sir.
Have you ever thought
Mr. Steed...
how a man's character
is affected
by the face with which
he's born... hmmm?
- Yes I have.
- Mmmm.
Change his face.
New character.
Welcome to the
Peace Conference, sir.
I must concede that you have
a certain wit a certain talent.
But your potential... has never
really been developed, uh?
Why, if ten years ago, I had meet
you I could have done so much...
- but...
- But?
Now I have to kill you.
Listen... I... I don't pretend to
know you what this is about...
but your friend Steed, he he
means a great deal to you, yes?
Well, I'm sure he'll
turn up again soon.
He's in trouble.
I only met him once but he seems to
be a man well able to look after himself.
Look, why don't you come with
me down to my country house,
I promise you you'll be
well chaperoned and ...
The Conference...
The Conference...
The Conference.
That's why they grabbed Steed. make
a fake Steed and get his past the guards.
Welcome to the
Peace Conference, sir.
Listen, I've got to go,
I'm awfully sorry but...
But you can't explain.
It's all right, I understand.
I'm getting rather
used to it. All right,
now I'll drive you where
ever you want to go.
You don't like losing, do you?
Mr. Steed...
I believe you are a
connoisseur of wine.
Wine and people.
Mmm...
Mmm... edgy
A degree of bite, but
a little devious, uh?
Instant plastic surgery.
D'you reckon you'll
get away with this?
I know we will.
Hmmm. Well supposing the fake me gets
successfully into the Conference... what then?
A percussion bomb.
A percussion bomb?
On the Chairman's little... mmm....
Little gavel?
Little gavel. Mmm.
And when he calls the
Conference to order...
- Boom.
- Boom.
What's so funny?
You seem to have accepted
my invitation, after all.
- You mean this is...
- Is my hose, yes.
I leant it to the Authorities for the
Conference, it's the biggest place for miles.
But if you live here,
why are you staying ...
Why am I staying at the hotel?
Mmmmm?
I own that too.
Well you did ask.
Any minute now we
should get the message, uh?
Mission accomplished...
Conference kaputt.
Ah, Miss King...
good news, eh?
What?
You haven't heard?
Steed's alive.
- No!
- There you see, I told you.
Well where is he? Where is he?
Well my man told me he
was admitted some time ago.
Let's find him.
Mr. Steed.
The planes of the human
face are incredibly subtle.
A touch here and we get a
look of triumphant elation.
A touch there and we
get a mask of tragedy.
Triumph and tragedy...
sums up both our
situations, doesn't it?
Hmmm.
I wonder would it be amusing
if I were to incorporate both,
on that side a smile of
triumph for me,
and on this side, for you a look
of dismay, desperation.
I should leave it as it is.
Vacant, unsure.
- Unsure?
- Nothing's settled yet.
Steed!
Steed!
I've found Steed.
Where?
In there.
But he can't be...
he's in there.
- I don't believe it.
- Which one is Steed?
Someone wants to get
into the Peace Conference.
And...
And they're creating
duplicates of Steed to do it.
I don't believe it either.
Under the circumstances we must
believe that the real Steed is dead.
So?
So any other Steed's
must be shot on sight.
Err... would you mind accepting my
Grandfather's Gold hunter as temporary payment.
Excuse me, I've
seen someone I know.
... this may well prove as historic an
occasion as the Congress of Vienna.
Look, I really don't think
there's any point in staying here.
If Steed is going
to turn up again...
Steed!
And now gentlemen ...
Search the grounds.
If you see him, shoot.
Don't let him get away.
I think I can do
with one of these.
All right.
Let's go.
- It doesn't make sense.
- what doesn't make sense?
Well he didn't blow
up the Conference.
He had the bomb in his hand.
But he jumped out
the window with it.
... was no alternative.
He could have left the bomb
and jumped out the window.
You don't suppose that ...
- You go that way, I'll go this way.
- Right!
Hold it!
Put up your hands.
It's me.
All right.
What did I give you
for your birthday?
What did I give you?
Pearls.
Yes.
Now that doesn't prove anything.
Remember what time in Tibet?
We rescued that little Llama
remember... friend of the Dali's.
You must remember.
We used a light weight plane.
Two passengers fore and
aft. open cockpit, remember?
You and I shared
the Pilot's cockpit.
It was a very lucky thing we
did, we kept each other warm.
It's very cold in the
Himalayas at that time.
Remember,
as a result of all that
we delivered the little
Llama safe and sound.
He had nothing worse than
a ... than a frost-bitten nose.
Oh my goodness,
it wasn't you at all.
Steed, you'd better
remember something quickly.
Strawberry shortcake?
Steed!
Pinch a car!
Their orders are shoot to kill.
Pinch a car.
So you've brought a
car. How very thoughtful.
Steed?
I'm afraid not.
Look the woods are full of them.
Arcos!
Mmm,
A nice touch of irony, hmmm?
I am now you.
I shall walk away
from here, hmmm.
As you,
the most respected
Agent in the country.
I wouldn't go so
far as to say that.
That's Steed. Who else
could smile at a time like this.
- Steed?
- Mmmmm?
- You were right you know.
- Mmmmm.
- Wasn't really a holiday, was it?
- Mmmmmm.
We were to attend the
Peace Conference...
as official observers.
Just that and nothing more.
That was our duty.
Gadding about in the countryside.
We haven't any time
for that sort of things.
For what sort of things?
- Gadding about in the countryside.
- Mmmmm.
Lolling about in the
sunshine. ... on the beach.
Mmmm. Ridiculous.
Irresponsible.
It's absolutely out
of the question.
Unpatriotic even.
Still...
I do think it's a bit
mean of Mother.
What's a bit mean of Mother?
Making us come back
on the very next day.
Mmmmm.
I think it's going to rain.