The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Farmer Takes a Wife - full transcript

HEY, ANDY!
BARNEY!

I'M HERE!

WHO IN THE
WORLD'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE

THAT COULD BE
BIG JEFF PRUITT?

HIYA, FELLAS.

WELL, JEFF, HOW
IN THE WORLD ARE YA?

[ EXCHANGING GREETINGS ]

HOW'S THE FISHIN'?

OH, FINE.

HELLO THERE,
LITTLE BUDDY.



HEY, HEY! HEY!

HEY NOW, PUT ME DOWN.

GLAD TO SEE YA, BARNEY.

WHAT IN THE WORLD
BRINGS YOU TO TOWN?

YOU BUYIN' OR SELLIN'?

AIN'T BUYIN' OR SELLIN'--
I'M LOOKIN'.

LOOKIN' FOR WHAT?
A BRIDE.

YOU MEAN LIKE
A WIFE TO MARRY?

THAT'S THE KIND.

THAT'S GOOD NEWS, JEFF,

BUT WHAT ARE YA LOOKIN'
HERE IN TOWN FOR?

IF YOU'RE FIXIN' TO MARRY,
WHAT ABOUT BERTHA?

BERTHA?

WHAT'RE YA LOOKIN'
SO SURPRISED FOR?



SHE'S LIVED ON THE FARM
NEXT TO YOURS ALL HER LIFE.

EVERYBODY FIGURED IF YOU GOT
MARRIED, YOU'D MARRY HER.

I LIKE BERTHA.

SHE'S GOOD COMPANY
AND GOOD COMPETITION--

ALWAYS GIVES ME A RUN
FOR MY MONEY

EVERY TIME WE'RE
MILKING THE COWS

AND CALLING THE HOGS--

AND DOGGONE
IF I DON'T HAVE

TO TAKE A BACKSEAT
EVERY TIME WE PICK TOBACCA,

BUT I DON'T WANNA MARRY HER.

NO, FOR MARRYIN',
A FELLA WANTS A...

A FEMALE TYPE.

KINDA SOFT AND SQUISHY-LIKE.

I FIGURE THE RIGHT PLACE

TO FIND ONE OF 'EM'S
RIGHT HERE IN TOWN.

THERE OUGHT
TO BE A FEW

ANSWERIN' THAT
DESCRIPTION HERE.

SURE. I ONLY NEED ONE.

I'LL STICK AROUND TOWN
A COUPLE DAYS,

LOOK OVER
THE AVAILABLE STOCK,

PICK ONE AND TAKE HER
BACK TO THE FARM.

WHOA, NOW, WAIT
A MINUTE, JEFF.

NOW, HOLD THE PHONE.

YOU CAN'T PICK OUT A
WIFE IN JUST TWO DAYS.

WHY NOT?

HOW YA KNOW YOU'RE
GONNA FIND ONE

THAT WANTS TO
MARRY YA THAT QUICK?

I'M GOOD-LOOKIN',
AIN'T I?

WELL, YEAH.

TO PROTECT A WOMAN?
I'M STRONG ENOUGH

WELL, SURE.

GOT ONE OF THE BEST FARMS
IN THE COUNTY?

WELL, YEAH.

THEN SHOULDN'T TAKE
MORE THAN TWO DAYS.

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

SAY, LISTEN,
YOU WANT US

TO HELP YOU
FIND A BRIDE, JEFF?

OH, WELL,
NOW, BARNEY,

I DON'T KNOW THAT
WE'RE EXACTLY GEARED

FOR THAT LINE
OF WORK.

WHILE WE'RE OUT TRACKIN' DOWN
DESPERATE CRIMINALS,

WE MIGHT AS WELL
JUST KEEP AN EYE OPEN

FOR A WOMAN FOR JEFF.

YEAH, I GUESS WE COULD.

NEXT TIME WE GO
OUT ON A MANHUNT,

WE'LL MAKE IT
A WOMANHUNT, TOO.

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

THAT'S A GOOD'N, ANDY.

HOW 'BOUT THAT,
LITTLE BUDDY?

AIN'T THAT A GOOD ONE?

I SURE DO APPRECIATE YOU BOYS
WANTIN' TO HELP ME OUT.

OH, WELL...

MEANWHILE,
I FIGURE I'LL GO OUT

AND DO A LITTLE SCOUTIN'
ON MY OWN.

ANDY, GOOD TO SEE YA.
SO LONG THERE, LITTLE--

I DON'T WANNA MISS SEEIN'
A SINGLE ONE OF 'EM.

AFTER ALL, I FIGURE
THAT EVERY GIRL IN MAYBERRY

DESERVES A CHANCE.

TROUBLE WITH JEFF,
HE NEVER GOT OVER HIS SHYNESS.

HI, PAW.

WELL, HI, OPE.

GUESS WHO I JUST SAW.

WHO?

JEFF PRUITT.

YEAH, HE COME IN
TOWN THIS MORNIN'.

GUESS WHAT I SAW HIM DOIN'?

WHAT?

STANDIN' ON THE CORNER
PICKIN' UP GIRLS.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT PICKIN' UP GIRLS?

GOSH, PAW,
WHAT'S THERE TO KNOW?

WHENEVER A GIRL WALKS BY,

HE JUST PICKS HER UP,
AND THEN SETS HER DOWN

AND SAYS, "'SCUSE ME, MA'AM.

JUST CHECKIN' YOUR WEIGHT."

FOR HEAVEN SAKES.

OPIE, YOU BETTER
RUN ALONG.

I GOT BUSINESS
TO ATTEND TO.

[ DOOR SHUTTING ]

IMAGINE...

CARING HOW MUCH A GIRL WEIGHS.

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOODNESS,
PUT ME DOWN!

UM, JEFF, QUIT THAT.

QUIT WHAT?
I'M JUST LOOKIN'.

WELL, YOU CAN'T DO IT--

PUT HER DOWN, PUT HER DOWN,
PUT HER DOWN.

UH, EXCUSE US, APRIL.
EXCUSE US.

JEFF, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU CAN'T BE PICKIN' THEM
GIRLS UP OFF THEIR FEET

RIGHT ON THE MAIN STREET.

IT AIN'T A MARKETPLACE
FOR BRIDES.

THAT'S WHAT I CAME FOR.

HOW CAN I FIND A BRIDE
IF I AIN'T LOOKIN'?

YOU CAN'T DO
IT THAT WAY.

COME OVER TO THE HOUSE.
WE'LL HAVE A MOUTHFUL TO EAT.

MAYBE AUNT BEE'LL HAVE
SOME THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER.

I HATE TO LEAVE MY POST.

A GOOD'N MIGHT COME ALONG
WHILE I'M GONE.

JEFF! COME ON.

MMM, AUNT BEE,
THAT SURE WAS GOOD EATIN'.

WELL, THANK YOU,
JEFF.

I'M GLAD
YOU ENJOYED IT.

I'M SORRY WE ONLY
HAD ONE LEG OF LAMB.

OH, NOW, DON'T YOU
WORRY 'BOUT THAT.

SOMETIMES I TAKE ON
A LITTLE LIGHT DINNER

AND LATER ON I REALLY
PACK IT IN FOR SUPPER.

YEAH, THIS LITTLE GAL

I'M FIXIN'
TO MARRY'S

GONNA HAVE TO BE A GOOD COOK.

SAY, AUNT BEE...

YOU GOT ANY POSSIBLES
FOR ME TO LOOK OVER?

SEVERAL, BUT, JEFF...

YOU DON'T PICK UP
A WIFE LIKE THAT.

YOU STUDY OVER HER,

AND SHE STUDIES
OVER YOU.

SOME FOLKS TAKE
AS LONG AS A YEAR TO DECIDE.

A WHOLE YEAR?
THAT LONG?

BUT, AUNT BEE,
THAT DOESN'T...

HAVE I GOT IT.
HAVE I GOT IT.

GOT WHAT, BARN?

HAVE I GOT
THE ANSWER FOR YOU.

YOU FOUND ME A BRIDE.

A WHOLE HOUSE FULL OF 'EM.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PICK.

WHAT'S THIS, BARNEY?

THELMA LOU'S HAVIN'
A HEN PARTY TONIGHT

AND WHAT WOULD BE A BETTER TIME
FOR JEFF TO SEE

EVERYTHIN' MAYBERRY
HAD TO OFFER ALL AT ONCE?

TONIGHT?

YEAH. THERE'S GONNA BE

A MESS O' PRETTY GIRLS
OVER THERE TONIGHT.

YOU'LL HAVE YOURSELF A TIME.

UH, UH, BARNEY?

IF THIS IS STRICTLY
A FEMALE PARTY,

HOW YOU FIGURE
ON GETTIN' JEFF INVITED?

I-I MEAN, YOU CAN'T
JUST GO BARRELIN' IN.

WELL, THELMA LOU AND I
ALREADY HAVE THAT WORKED OUT.

WE'RE JUST GONNA
CASUALLY DROP BY

AND THEN,
ONCE WE'RE INSIDE...

I CAN LOOK
OVER THE WHOLE CROP

AND PICK THE BEST ONE.

THAT'S THE IDEA.

OH, BARNEY, YOU'RE
A REAL LITTLE BUDDY.

PUT ME DOWN,
PUT ME DOWN.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

LISTEN TO 'EM GIGGLING
IN THERE.

YOU TWO STAY HERE.

I'LL GO AROUND BACK
AND CONTACT THELMA LOU

AND SEE IF THEY'RE
READY FOR US.

[ TAPPING ON WINDOW ]

IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT, HONEY?

I DROPPED A FEW HINTS THAT
JEFF PRUITT'S IN TOWN

AND HE'S LOOKING
FOR A BRIDE.

BARNEY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
WE OUGHT TO DO THIS.

NO, NO, NO, IT'LL BE FINE,
AND IT'S KIND OF FUN.

YOU KNOW, CONTROLLING
DESTINY LIKE THIS.

I DON'T KNOW.
WILL YOU LEAVE IT TO ME?

I'LL GO GET THEM, AND WE'LL
MAKE OUR SURPRISE ENTRANCE.

YOU SURE ARE SWEET
TO HELP OUT.

OKAY, IT'S ALL SET, FELLAS.

NOW, REMEMBER, ACT SURPRISED
TO SEE A ROOM FULL OF GIRLS.

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

I'LL GET IT, THELMA LOU.

THANKS, MARY.

Andy:
OH, HI, MARY.

OH, EXCUSE US.

WE DIDN'T KNOW
THELMA LOU HAD COMPANY.

WE'S JUST STOPPIN' BY.

THIS HERE IS JEFF PRUITT.
HELLO, MR. PRUITT.

HOW DO?

I HOPE WE'RE
NOT INTRUDIN'.

WELL, NO, YOU'RE
NOT INTRUDIN' AT ALL.

OH, WELL, GOOD.

Andy:
HOW ARE YOU, MARY?

OH, HI THERE.
HI, HI.

HELLO, GIRLS.

WE DIDN'T KNOW
THELMA LOU HAD COMPANY.

WE'S JUST STOPPIN' BY.

THIS HERE'S JEFF PRUITT.

HI, GIRLS.

NICE TO KNOW YA, JEFF.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

BY GOLLY, I...

I NEVER SAW
SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS.

[ WOMEN GIGGLING ]

DID I FIX IT UP,
OR DID I FIX IT UP, HUH?

WONDER WHICH
ONE HE'LL PICK.

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S HARD TO TELL.

HE'S LIKE A FELLA
IN A FANCY RESTAURANT.

HE WANTS TO ORDER SOMETHIN',

BUT THERE'S TOO MUCH
ON THE MENU.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

HI, BARNEY, ANDY.

OH, HEY, THELMA LOU.

HERE WE ARE, GIRLS.

OH, PARDON ME.

NEED ANY HELP?

OH, NO, THANKS.

I'LL GET SOME COFFEE.
EVENING, JEFF.

EVENIN'.

HOW ARE YOU?

HI, GIRLS.

NICE PARTY, ISN'T IT?

WELL, WHAT DO
YOU THINK, JEFF?

LOTTA SPIRITED FEMALES
IN MAYBERRY, HUH?

YEAH.

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER, JEFF?

DID YA SPOT
A WINNER ALREADY?

I SURE ENOUGH BELIEVE
I HAVE, LITTLE BUDDY.

WHICH ONE?

THAT ONE
RIGHT OVER THERE.

UH, ARE YOU SURE?

OH, I'M SURE.
YOU BET.

WELL, IF THAT'S
THE ONE YOU WANT,

I'M SURE
SHE'S A REAL FINE GIRL.

UH...

ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S THE ONE?

YEAH, I'M SURE.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

LET'S, UH,
LET'S GO AND MEET HER.

OH, UH, HELLO.

UH, UH, YOU WANNA
MEET HER, DON'T YOU?

OH, SURE, I DO.

WELL, COME ON...
UH...

MMM... MM, NO.

JEFF, SHE'S...

I MEAN, SHE AND I...

ANDY, ANDY!

JEFF!

MM-MM, JEFF, MM-MM,
YEAH, NOT THAT...

ANDY, UH, JEFF...

YOU SEE, JEFF, SHE...

JEFF, SHE... JEFF...

OF ALL
THE INSANE NOTIONS.

OF ALL THE INSANE NOTIONS!

US FINDIN' A BRIDE FOR HIM.

JUST SHOW ME SOMEWHERE
IN THE SHERIFF'S MANUAL

WHERE IT SAYS WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO RUN AROUND

FINDING BRIDES FOR PEOPLE.

GO ON! SHOW ME! SHOW ME!

BARNEY...

I'M DISAPPOINTED
IN YOU, ANDY.

I AM REALLY DISAPPOINT...

I CAN'T REMEMBER

WHEN I HAVE BEEN
THIS DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU
DISAPPOINTED IN ME FOR?

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?

WELL, I COULDN'T STOP YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
PASS THE BUCK.

BARNEY,
I'M NOT PASSING THE BUCK.

I'M JUST REMINDING YOU
OF THE FACTS.

JEFF COME TO TOWN
LOOKING FOR A BRIDE,

YOU SAID
YOU'D HELP HIM,

AND YOU TOOK HIM OVER
TO THELMA LOU'S

AND THAT'S HOW IT ALL HAPPENED.

OH, WHY HASH
OVER ANCIENT HISTORY?

IT'S ALL IN THE PAST.

THE THING NOW
IS WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S SENSIBLE.

I GUESS THAT IS SENSIBLE.

AND THE FIRST THING TO DO
IS TO GO AND TALK TO JEFF

AND SEE IF YOU
CAN STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.

YEAH, THAT'S THE FIRST THING
YOU'VE SAID TODAY

THAT MADE ANY SENSE.

I'LL GO TALK TO...

WHERE DO YOU RECKON HE IS?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS HE'S OVER
AT THELMA LOU'S.

THELMA LOU?!

THELMA LOU!

I'M HERE!

OH...HELLO.

HI, SUGARPLUM.
HOW ARE YOU?

OH...

FINE.

I BROUGHT YOU THESE.

WELL, JEFF,

THERE'S SOMETHING WE'VE GOT TO
CLEAR UP BETWEEN YOU AND ME

BEFORE THIS GOES
ANY FURTHER.

THERE IS?
MM-HMM.

OF COURSE THERE IS.

NOW, I KNOW I GOT NO CALL
TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME

THE FIRST TIME
WE MEET.

TAIN'T RESPECTABLE.

SO I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'LL DO--

I'LL GO AWAY AND COME BACK,
AND IT'LL BE OUR SECOND VISIT.

BY THEN,
IT'LL BE RESPECTABLE.

HERE.
YOU LIKE 'EM?

YES.

OH...
OOH!

JEFF!

COME ON NOW,
THELMA LOU.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT.

OH, PLEASE!

THELMA LOU, YOU'RE JUICIER

THAN A BARRELFUL
OF CORN SQUEEZIN'S.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE.

PRUITT!

OH, HI, LITTLE BUDDY.

I WANNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THELMA LOU.

I CAN'T NEVER
THANK YOU ENOUGH

FOR BRINGING ME TO HER.

THAT'S JUST
THE POINT, JEFF.

YOU CAN'T HAVE
THELMA LOU.

HUH? I-I CAN'T?

YOU CAN'T HAVE HER
'CAUSE SHE'S MINE.

YOURS?

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

SHE'S MY GIRL.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

YOU ENGAGED TO HER?

WELL, NOT EXACTLY.

DID YOU ASK HER
TO MARRY YA?

WELL, NO.

THEN IT KINDA APPEARS

SHE'S REALLY MORE MY
GIRL THAN SHE IS YOURS

'CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA
BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

I'M GONNA ASK
HER REAL QUICK.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GONNA GET SOME
MORE SWEET PEAS.

FOR JUST A MINUTE
THERE, LITTLE BUDDY,

YOU HAD ME REAL WORRIED.

I'LL SEE YA,
LITTLE BUDDY.

WHY, HELLO, BARNEY.

THELMA LOU,
IT'S GOT TO STOP.

WHAT'S GOT TO STOP?

AND IT'S GOT
TO STOP RIGHT NOW.

NIP IT.

NIP IT IN THE BUD.

NIP WHAT IN THE BUD?

YOU AND JEFF,
THAT'S WHAT.

NIP IT. TELL HIM
YOU'RE MINE.

BARNEY FIFE,
I DO BELIEVE YOU'RE JEALOUS.

DOGGONE IT, THELMA LOU,
YOU'RE MY GIRL, AIN'T YA?

OF COURSE I AM.

ALL RIGHT THEN, NIP IT.

TELL HIM.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL HIM.

YOU'RE DARN RIGHT, YOU WILL.

YOU'RE MINE,
AND YOU KNOW IT.

AND YOU BETTER
LET HIM KNOW IT.

AND THAT'S AN ORDER!

I HAD TO DO IT, ANDY.

I HATE TO GET ROUGH
WITH A WOMAN.

OH, I KNOW THAT.

IT WAS JUST ONE
OF THEM SITUATIONS.

WASN'T NOTHING ELSE
I COULD DO.

I JUST HAD TO ADOPT
A "GET TOUGH" POLICY.

AND THAT SETTLED THINGS?

OH, SURE. WHAT ELSE?

YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN, ANDY.

I MEAN, WHEN I
LAY THE LAW DOWN

TO THELMA LOU OR
TO ANY OTHER WOMAN,

THAT'S IT.

WELL, IF THAT'S IT,
WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

BARNEY, WHERE YOU GOING?
I'VE GOT TO FIGHT HIM.

I'VE GOT TO FIGHT
FOR WHAT'S MINE.

YOU CAN'T FIGHT JEFF PRUITT.
HE COULD KILL YOU.

YOU EXPECT ME TO ROLL OVER
AND PLAY DEAD?

THERE'S SUCH A THING
AS SELF-RESPECT.

A MAN CAN LOSE
A LOT OF THINGS,

BUT HE CAN'T LOSE THAT.

BARNEY, I CAN'T
LET YOU DO IT.

THIS IS MY BUSINESS.
YOU GOT NO RIGHT TO STOP ME.

I GOT MORE THAN A RIGHT,
I GOT A DUTY.

HOW WOULD IT LOOK

A DEPUTY SHERIFF MIXIN'
IN A ROUGHHOUSE BRAWL

WITH A CIVILIAN?

A MAN'S GOT TO DO
WHAT HE'S GOT TO DO.

BARNEY, I FORBID YOU
TO FIGHT JEFF PRUITT

AND THAT'S AN ORDER.

OH, THAT'S SILLY.

BARNEY HASN'T LOST ME
TO JEFF PRUITT

OR ANYONE ELSE.

WELL, HE SAW JEFF
WALKIN' WITH YOU

AND HE KNOWS HE'S BEEN
BRINGIN' YOU FLOWERS.

WHAT ABOUT THAT?

I'VE TRIED TO
DISCOURAGE HIM, ANDY,

BUT I DON'T WANNA BE
RUDE AND HURT HIM.

AND HE'S SO PERSISTENT.

YEAH, HE IS THAT.

JEFF'S A GOOD OLD BUDDY.

HE JUST DON'T KNOW
ANY BETTER.

WELL, SEEMS TO ME

HE'S GOT TO LEARN
HE CAN'T PICK A WIFE

LIKE HE WOULD ANOTHER
HEAD OF LIVESTOCK.

WHAT MAKES HIM THINK

I'D WANNA GO LIVE
ON A FARM WITH HIM?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
ONE THING--

JEFF WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO LIVE IN TOWN.

NO. FELLAS LIKE HIM'S

BEEN USED TO LIVING OUT
IN THE OPEN THAT WAY.

WHY, HE'D KICK LIKE
A BUCKIN' BRONCO COOPED UP.

YOU KNOW...

THELMA LOU, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO DO A LITTLE BRONCO BUSTIN'.

YOU MEAN THERE'S A CHANCE
SHE MIGHT NOT WANNA MARRY ME?

THAT'S RIGHT, JEFF,

BUT DON'T YOU
GET DISCOURAGED NOW.

THERE'S JUST
AS GOOD A CHANCE

THAT SHE MIGHT
WANNA MARRY YA IF...

IF WHAT?

IF YOU FILL THE BILL

ON WHAT'S HER IDEA
OF A DREAM PRINCE.

WELL, I SURE LIKE
THAT LITTLE GAL.

I AIM TO PLEASE HER.

GOOD. GOOD.

NOW, THE FIRST THING,
CUT OUT THE ROUGH STUFF.

QUIT PICKIN' UP THELMA LOU
EVERY TIME YOU SEE HER

AND SHAKIN' HER.

I DO?

YEAH. YOU GOT
TO BE GENTLE WITH HER.

WHAT YOU DO
WHEN YOU SEE HER

IS YOU BOW FROM THE WAIST,
TAKE AHOLD OF HER HAND...

DON'T SQUEEZE IT, JUST EASY.

NOW, IF YOU'RE FEELIN'
REAL BOLD,

YOU GIVE HER FINGERS
A LITTLE KISSY.

LIKE THAT.

THAT'S BOLD?

THAT'S THE GENTLEMAN'S WAY.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
IT JUST TAKES PRACTICE.

YOU WANNA PLEASE
YOUR BRIDE-TO-BE, DON'T YOU?

SURE I DO.

SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO LEARN THESE THINGS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THELMA LOU
ALWAYS SAYS.

SHE ALWAYS SAYS
THAT SHE LIKES A MAN

WITH ETIQUETTE
AND SOCIAL GRACE.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
AUNT BEE?

IF SHE SAID IT ONCE, SHE
SAID IT A THOUSAND TIMES.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO LEARN THESE THINGS.

COME ON, ONE MORE TIME.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

THIS IS YOUR COOKIE PLATE.

THAT'S YOUR TEACUP.

GO AHEAD.

GO AHEAD.

GOOD.

GOOD.

GOOD.

ONE MORE TIME.

THIS IS YOUR COOKIE PLATE.

THAT'S YOUR TEACUP.

AW, BUT, ANDY,

WHAT DO I NEED
A NEW SUIT FOR?

JEFF, WE GOT YOU
ACTING LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

NOW WE GOT TO GET YOU
LOOKIN' LIKE ONE.

AW, BUT, ANDY, I...

AND WHEN WE DO, YOU'LL BE READY
FOR A DATE WITH THELMA LOU.

COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.

WELL...

GOOD EVENIN', JEFF.

EVENIN', THELMA LOU.

COME ON IN.

LET ME TAKE YOUR HAT.

THANK YOU.

MY, DON'T YOU LOOK NICE.

THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKIN' SUIT.

THE BIGGEST ONE THEY HAD.

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING TO EAT?

I'VE MADE SOME
SUPPER FOR US.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
I'M STARVED.

YOU COME RIGHT OVER
HERE AND SIT DOWN.

HONEY PIE,

SOMEBODY GOT
INTO YOUR FOOD

AND TORE IT INTO
LITTLE TEENY PIECES.

OH, YOU SILLY BOY.

THEY'RE FINGER SANDWICHES.

WELL?

KINDA GOOD.

WHETS MY APPETITE FOR SUPPER.

WHY, JEFF, THIS IS SUPPER.

YOU'RE JOKING.

WHY, NO.

CAN YOU HONESTLY
CALL THAT A MEAL?

I BELIEVE IN
KEEPING TRIM.

TRIM? WHY, THERE AIN'T
ENOUGH MEAL THERE TO...

TO GET SKINNY ON.

JEFFREY, YOU SAY
THE WITTIEST THINGS.

NOW, YOU JUST SIT
RIGHT BACK THERE

AND ENJOY YOUR SUPPER.

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

COME IN.

HI THERE, YOU TWO.

HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

IT'S ABOUT A HOUSE.

A HOUSE FOR US?

I'VE BEEN SPEAKING
TO TOM BIGGERS.

HE'S GOT
THREE DANDY ONES FOR SALE.

YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PICK.

WHAT DO I WANT
WITH A HOUSE IN TOWN?

I GOT A FARM ALREADY.

YOU'LL BE SELLIN' THAT
AND MOVING INTO TOWN

NOW THAT
YOU'RE MARRYIN' THELMA LOU.

I'M AFRAID I'M JUST NOT
THE FARM GIRL TYPE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

OH, JEFF UNDERSTANDS.

AND THAT AIN'T
THE ONLY GOOD NEWS.

I'VE BEEN LOOKIN'
INTO SOME JOBS YOU CAN GET.

JOBS?

THERE'S A OPENING
DOWN AT THE BANK.

THEY NEED ANOTHER GUARD.

OR YOU CAN WORK
IN THE VEGETABLE DEPARTMENT

OVER AT CROWLEY'S MARKET

OR-- AND I SAVED
THE BEST FOR LAST--

YOU CAN GO RIGHT TO WORK
AS A SHOE CLERK

AT HARVEY WILLICK'S STORE, HUH?

YES, I BELIEVE
THAT IS BEST.

I THINK, JEFF, THAT'S
THE JOB WE'LL TAKE.

AND THEN I...

WE?

NOW, JUST A DARN
MINUTE HERE, YOU TWO.

IF YOU THINK
I'M GONNA WORK IN A SHOE STORE,

YOU GOT ANOTHER
THING COMIN'.

A PRUITT'S NEVER WORKED IN
A PLACE THAT HAD A ROOF ON IT.

AND THERE NEVER WAS A PRUITT
THAT EVER WORE A TIE

OR EVER WORE A SUIT...

OR EVER TRIED
TO RIDE A CUP AND SAUCER

PIGGYBACK ON HIS KNEE.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYIN'
TO CHANGE ME.

WHY, JEFF...

AND I AIN'T GONNA HAVE
NO PART OF IT.

AT LEAST BERTHA LIKES ME
THE WAY I AM.

THE DEAL'S OFF.

BARNEY, WHAT ARE...?

I KNOW I PROMISED,
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

A MAN'S GOT TO DO
WHAT HE'S GOT TO DO.

ALL RIGHT, JEFF,
PUT 'EM UP!

I'M GONNA FIGHT YA.

I DON'T WANNA
FIGHT YOU, BARNEY.

EITHER FIGHT OR
GET OUT OF HERE.

I'M GOING. I'M GOING.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT?

WELL, YOU KNOW
THE OLD SAYING--

"THE BIGGER THEY COME,
THE HARDER THEY FALL."

AND HERE'S
ANOTHER OLD SAYING, BABY--

"TO THE WINNER
BELONGS THE SPOILS."

COME HERE, YOU.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, ANDY?

WHAT?

THAT LITTLE INCIDENT WITH JEFF
REALLY TAUGHT ME SOMETHING.

IT DID?

YEAH.

YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE
TO USE PHYSICAL FORCE

IF YOU JUST SHOW THE OTHER
FELLA YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

JUST QUIETLY LET HIM KNOW
THAT YOU GOT IT...

IF YOU NEED IT.

WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY
A BIG STICK, HUH?

THAT'S ABOUT IT.

WELL,
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

JOE WATERS OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.

I'LL HANDLE THIS.

HEY, JOE.

YOU KNOW THAT'S
A NO PARKING ZONE.

NOW, YOU'LL GET IF YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID?

I DON'T CHEW
MY CABBAGE TWICE!

NOW YOU GET THAT
CAR OUT OF HERE!

WHY, YOU LITTLE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY, BARNEY.
OKAY.

WELL, I CAN HANDLE IT.

BE FIRM.
SEND 'EM ON THEIR WAY.

I HATE FIGHTING.
IT'S UGLY.