The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 12 - Sheriff Barney - full transcript
Needing a new Sheriff until the next election, the Mayor and Councilmen of nearby Greendale see an article in the Mayberry Gazette about the low crime rate there. Deciding that they could never get Andy they opt to offer the job to Barney. Andy doesn't think it's a good idea and tell Barney so. He thinks Barney needs more experience and needs to be more creative in finding solutions to problems. Barney doesn't agree so Andy and he switch jobs for a time to see how he will do as Sheriff. Barney soon realizes his own limitations and Andy arranges for him to make a key arrest - just enough for him to save face but also to get him to stay on as a Deputy.
WE NEED A MAN
WITH SOME KNOW-HOW
TO FINISH SHERIFF
MALONEY'S TERM--
KIND OF A FELLA LIKE...
WELL, HERE.
HERE'S THE KIND
OF SHERIFF WE NEED.
"ONCE AGAIN,
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
"HAS BEEN COMMENDED
FOR OUTSTANDING LAW ENFORCEMENT.
"MAYBERRY COUNTY,
FOR THE THIRD CONSECUTIVE YEAR
"HAS THE LOWEST CRIME RATE
IN THE STATE.
"IN ACCEPTING THE AWARD,
SHERIFF TAYLOR SAID
IT WOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE
WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS
EFFICIENT DEPUTY, BARNEY FIFE."
YOU SUGGESTING
WE TRY TO GET TAYLOR?
OH, I'M SURE
WE COULDN'T GET TAYLOR
BUT HOW ABOUT HIS DEPUTY,
THIS, UH...
FIFE FELLA?
GENTLEMEN, I
RECOMMEND THAT WE
MAKE HIM AN OFFER.
ALL IN FAVOR, SAY AYE.
Both: AYE.
BOYS, I HOPE AND TRUST
THIS IS OUR NEXT SHERIFF--
BARNEY FIFE--
SO KEEN, ALERT,
SHARP!
BARNEY?
WELL, LOCKED
YOURSELF IN, DID YA?
LOCKED MYSELF IN.
WELL, I BELIEVE THAT'S
THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK.
YEAH, IT'S THE THIRD TIME.
OH, I SEE.
WE'RE GONNA PLAY
THAT FUNNY LITTLE GAME
WHERE THE SHERIFF KEEPS
THE DEPUTY LOCKED IN, HUH?
HOW LONG YOU GONNA
KEEP ME IN THIS TIME?
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE YOUR FUN.
IF IT AMUSES YOU,
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, THE SHERIFF
NEEDS HIS LAUGH.
OH, I'LL BE GLAD
TO OBLIGE HIM.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF TIME.
I...
YOU OPENED IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU WAS GONNA KEEP ME LOCKED IN
LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
I WOULD, BUT I AIN'T GOT
TIME TO FOOL AROUND.
IMPORTANT POLICE
WORK JUST COME UP.
YOU GET A LEAD
ON THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE?
BIGGER'N THAT.
BIGGER'N THAT?
WE BEEN AFTER HOLLISTER'S STILL
FOR SIX MONTHS.
THIS MUST BE BIG.
IT IS. COME ON OVER
TO THE DESK
AND WE'LL LAY IT OUT.
DRAW UP A CHAIR.
WHAT'S UP, ANDY?
NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
THIS HAS GOT
TO BE DONE JUST RIGHT
SO THERE WON'T
BE ANY SLIP-UPS.
OKAY?
YEAH.
JUST A MINUTE AGO
I WAS OVER BY
THE POST OFFICE.
YEAH?
THERE WAS A BIG SEDAN
PARKED OUT THERE.
YEAH, A BIG SEDAN.
IN FRONT OF THE SEDAN,
A STATION WAGON...
STATION WAGON.
...AND IN FRONT OF
THE STATION WAGON
A PICKUP TRUCK.
PICKUP TRUCK.
LET ME SEE
IF I GOT MY BULLET.
YEAH, OKAY.
OKAY?
NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
YEAH.
I BELIEVE THAT THE SEDAN,
THE STATION WAGON
AND THE PICKUP TRUCK
ARE OVER-PARKED.
TAKE THIS CHALK
AND MARK 'EM.
CHECK.
WHY DON'T WE GO UP
TO THE HOSPITAL SOME NIGHT
AND TAKE THE BOLTS
OFF THE WHEELCHAIRS?
THAT'D BE FUNNY, TOO.
[ CHUCKLING ]
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YES?
GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
SHERIFF TAYLOR
THIS IS MAYOR PURDY
OF GREENDALE.
HELLO, MAYOR.
I'M COUNCILMAN DOBBS.
COUNCILMAN, HOW ARE YA?
WE READ ABOUT YOU
IN THE PAPER.
WE WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU
AND YOUR DEPUTY
FOR WINNING THE AWARD.
OH, WELL, MUCH OBLIGED.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
SHERIFF, WE'VE COME HERE
TO MAKE YOUR DEPUTY FIFE
AN OFFER.
YEAH? WHAT KINDA OFFER?
WELL, WE'D LIKE
TO HAVE BARNEY FIFE
BE SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
HUH?
Dobbs: GREENDALE NEEDS
A NEW SHERIFF
TILL THE NEXT ELECTION
AND WE'RE HOPIN' YOU'LL
LET US HAVE BARNEY FIFE.
Purdy: WE'LL GIVE YOU TIME
TO BREAK IN A NEW DEPUTY.
OH... WELL, UH, UH...
I MEAN, YOU-YOU JU--
YOU JUST CAN'T
REPLACE BARNEY FIFE
JUST LIKE THAT.
I KNOW WE'RE ASKIN'
AN AWFUL LOT, SHERIFF
BUT WE NEED
A MAN LIKE FIFE.
UH, WELL, UH, I, UH...
I UNDERSTAND
YOUR PROBLEM, UH, MAYOR
BUT, UH, BARNEY'S, UH, UH, UH...
WELL, BARNEY'S TOO LOYAL.
HE'S-HE'S TOO LOYAL,
AND I'M, UH, I'M NOT SURE
THAT HE'D WANT
TO GIVE UP THIS JOB AND...
W-WELL, I'LL, UH,
I'LL TALK TO HIM FOR YOU
AND LET HIM MAKE UP
HIS OWN MIND.
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
GOOD-BYE.
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
MAYOR. COUNCILMAN.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
ME?
THE HIGH SHERIFF OF GREENDALE?
UH-HUH.
WELL, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
TH-THAT'S A REAL STEP UP.
THAT'S A REAL OPPORTUNITY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WELL, BARNEY, I, UH
I JUST THINK YOU
OUGHT TO THINK ABOUT
IT PRETTY CAREFULLY.
WELL, WHAT'S THERE
TO THINK ABOUT?
WELL, SURE, I-I DON'T LIKE
LEAVING YOU AND MAYBERRY
BUT THIS IS
A REAL CHANCE FOR ME.
DON'T YOU THINK I OUGHT
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT?
WELL, UH...
NO.
HUH?
BARNEY, SHERIFFIN'S
A LOT DIFFERENT FROM DEPUTYING
AND WHILE YOU MAKE A FINE DEPUTY
I-I THINK YOU JUST NEED
MORE EXPERIENCE--
EXPERIENCE IN DEALIN' WITH
PROBLEMS DIFFERENT WAYS.
SURE. YOU THINK ALL I'M
GOOD FOR IS CHALKIN' TIRES
AND HELPIN' SCHOOL KIDS
ACROSS THE STREET.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT
AT ALL, BARNEY.
IT'S JUST
THAT I NEED YOU AROUND HERE.
THEY'S A WHOLE LOT
TO DO AROUND HERE.
WE AIN'T FOUND
RAFE HOLLISTER'S STILL YET.
YEAH, YOU SAY THAT.
YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN BE A SHERIFF.
THE FACT IS YOU NEVER
HAVE BEEN A SHERIFF
AND I'M JUST TRYIN' TO TELL YOU
THAT SHERIFFIN'S
A LOT DIFFERENT
FROM DEPUTYING.
WELL, WE ALL
GOTTA START SOMEPLACE, PAL,
AND FATE HAS PICKED
GREENDALE FOR ME.
IT'S A CASE OF THE OFFICE
SEEKIN' THE MAN.
NOW, IF I HAPPEN
TO BE THE MAN
THEN I GOT TO
ANSWER THE CALL.
BARNEY, THE FACT IS...
THE FACT IS I GOT
A RENDEZVOUS WITH DESTINY.
HELLO, SARAH?
GET ME
THE MAYOR OF GREENDALE.
* YA TI YA TA TA TA
TA TA TA TA TA TA *
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT?
HAPPY?
[ CHUCKLES ]
WELL, I GUESS YOU'D
BE HAPPY, TOO,
IF YOU'D JUST BEEN OFFERED
AN IMPORTANT JOB.
YOU WERE OFFERED A JOB?
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, CHAPS,
THEY'VE JUST ASKED ME TO BE
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE!
IS THAT TRUE, BARNEY?
YEAH, WELL, WHEN DUTY CALLS,
A MAN'S GOT TO ANSWER IT.
GOOD!
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
YEAH, I KNOW
I'M WALKING INTO
A CESSPOOL OF VIOLENCE
AND CRIME,
BUT, WELL, A MAN'S GOT TO
DO WHAT HE'S GOT TO DO.
OH, COME ON, BARNEY.
GREENDALE IS JUST
A QUIET LITTLE TOWN.
YEAH. IT'S QUIET
ON THE OUTSIDE.
UNDERNEATH,
IT'S ANOTHER DODGE CITY.
IT'S GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE DOING,
BUT I'M GOING TO BRING LAW
AND ORDER TO THAT TOWN.
WELL, BARNEY, THIS IS
KIND OF SUDDEN-LIKE.
H-HOW'S ANDY TAKING THIS?
WELL, HE'S SHOOK UP,
NATURALLY, BUT WHAT THE HECK,
I'LL JUST BE OVER
IN THE NEXT COUNTY.
I CAN ALWAYS RUSH BACK
ANY TIME ANDY GETS
HIMSELF IN A BIND.
YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, WELL,
THE SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
WELL, DON'T THANK ME,
MAYOR PURDY.
IT WAS BARNEY'S DECISION
TO MAKE, AND HE MADE IT.
YEAH, I EXPECT YOU'LL BE
SEEING HIM IN A FEW DAYS.
RIGHT. BYE.
HIDEY-HO.
HI, PAW.
PAW?
HMM?
THE KIDS ARE SURE
GONNA MISS BARNEY
DOWN AT THE SCHOOL.
HE'S THE BEST CROSSING GUARD
WE EVER HAD.
YEAH, HE IS THAT.
WHY DOES BARNEY WANT
TO GO TO GREENDALE, ANYWAY?
WELL, IT'S AN
OPPORTUNITY, SON.
HE'LL BE SHERIFF
OVER THERE.
YOU THINK BARNEY
WOULD STAY IN MAYBERRY
IF HE COULD BE SHERIFF HERE?
I'M THE SHERIFF HERE.
COULDN'T YOU TAKE TURNS?
WELL, YOU SEE, IT
DON'T WORK THAT WAY.
COULDN'T YOU LET HIM
BE SHERIFF ONCE IN A WHILE?
NO, IT DON'T WORK
THAT WAY EITHER.
YOU SEE...
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE HERE.
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
IDEA YOU COME UP WITH.
I DID?
WHAT WAS THE IDEA
I COME UP WITH?
WELL, IF WE LET BARNEY
BE SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
FOR JUST ONE DAY,
HE MIGHT FIND OUT
IT'S A LOT MORE DIFFICULT
THAN HE REALIZES
IN WHICH CASE,
HE MIGHT FORFEIT
THE OPPORTUNITY
FOR ADVANCEMENT
AND BE SATISFIED
WITH THE STATUS QUO.
IS THAT THE IDEA
I COME UP WITH, PAW?
THAT'S IT.
THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD IDEA
I COME UP WITH, HUH?
YOU BETTER KNOW IT WAS,
YOU LITTLE BUZZARD.
[ GIGGLING ]
YOU MEAN YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME
TO BE SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
FOR A DAY?
WHY NOT? A PITCHER GETS
A CHANCE TO WARM UP
BEFORE HE GOES
INTO A BALL GAME.
WALKING INTO
A NEW JOB
WHY, YOU COULD USE
THE EXPERIENCE.
YEAH, BUT SHERIFF
OF MAYBERRY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, COME ON.
I'LL SWEAR YOU IN.
RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.
DO YOU, BARNEY FIFE,
SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
SOLEMNLY SWEAR
TO UPHOLD THE LAW
TO THE BEST
OF YOUR ABILITY?
I DO.
OKAY, LET ME
HAVE YOUR BADGE
AND HERE'S MINE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
PUT THEM ON.
THERE.
NOW, HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE SHERIFF?
[ CHUCKLES ]
FINE.
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE THE DEPUTY?
OH, FINE, FINE.
WELL, WHAT'S GOING TO BE
YOUR FIRST ACT AS SHERIFF?
WELL...
THERE!
THERE'S THE FIRST ASSIGNMENT
FOR THE NEW SHERIFF.
I'M GOING TO CRACK
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE.
I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHERE THAT STILL IS
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
HOW?
WELL, YOU SEE, ANDY,
WHEN YOU WAS SHERIFF
YOU APPROACHED
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE
WITH YOUR USUAL CRACKER-BARREL
POLICE METHODS.
NOW THAT I'M SHERIFF,
I'LL USE
SOME HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC
POLICE TECHNIQUES
AND I'M GOING TO WRAP UP
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE.
OBSERVE.
UM, WHAT, UH...
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO, BARNEY?
I'M GOING TO GET
OUR TOWN DRUNK
TO GIVE US
THE INFORMATION.
HOW ARE YOU GOING
TO DO THAT?
WELL, THE SUBCONSCIOUS
TELLS THE TRUTH
WHILE YOU'RE
ASLEEP, YOU SEE.
OH, OH, UH-HUH.
I'M GOING TO PROBE
HIS SUBCONSCIOUS.
OH, I SEE.
[ Singsong ]
OTIS...
OTIS CAMPBELL...
YOU PICKED UP SOME
BOOTLEG LIQUOR.
WHERE DID YOU
GET THE LIQUOR?
WHERE DID YOU GET
THE LIQUOR?
[ MUMBLING ]
OH, DARN.
YOU GOT A PENCIL?
MM-HMM.
WHERE IS THE
RAFE HOLLISTER STILL?
OTIS. OTIS CAMPBELL.
THIS IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS.
COME IN, PLEASE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHERE'S THE STILL?!
I MEAN...
[ Singsong ]
WHERE IS THE STILL?
YOU GO OUT ROUTE 22
PAST WAYNESBOROUGH
MEDVILLE, THORNDYKE, UPSON...
A LITTLE SLOWER, PLEASE.
...THROUGH VIRGINIA,
PENNSYLVANIA, OHIO...
HE'S MAKING FOR CANADA.
Otis: THEN BACK THROUGH
WEST VIRGINIA
KENTUCKY, TENNESSEE,
INTO MAYBERRY ON ROUTE 10.
WHERE THEN?
TO ELM STREET.
4-1-1 ELM STREET.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT!
COME ON, LET'S GO!
LET'S GET THE AXES!
GO WHERE?
WELL, WHERE HE SAID,
TO 411 ELM STREET.
[ Singsong ]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HEY, BARNEY,
DON'T THAT ADDRESS
SOUND A LITTLE
FAMILIAR TO YOU?
FAMILIAR?! HOW CAN IT
SOUND FAMILIAR?
HE JUST NOW TOLD IT
TO ME THIS SECOND.
WHAT DO...?
WAIT A MINUTE.
411 ELM STREET?
THAT'S WHERE I LIVE!
MAYBE HIS SUBCONSCIOUS
TOOK A WRONG TURN
IN OHIO.
THE OWNER OF THE STILL
IS BARNEY FIFE.
[ Laughing ]
GET BARNEY FIFE.
NOW, THAT'S
NOT FUNNY, OTIS!
HEY, THAT'S A FINE SYSTEM
YOU GOT THERE, BARNEY.
YOU OUGHT TO WRITE
A BOOK ON IT.
CALL IT "THE BARNEY FIFE
SUBCONSCIOUS PROBER PRIMER."
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
ALL RIGHT, OTIS! OUT!
OH, BARNEY.
OUT! OUT! OUT!
COME ON!
"BARNEY FIFE'S
PROBER PRIMER."
OUT, OUT, OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT!
AND AS FOR YOU, DEPUTY,
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TAKE THIS CHALK
AND GO OUT
AND MARK SOME CARS!
OH, COME ON, NOW, BARNEY.
COME ON, OUT! OUT!
OUT!
WHERE'S THE SHERIFF?
WHERE'S ANDY?
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
THIS IS A MATTER
FOR THE SHERIFF.
WE WANT TO SEE
THE SHERIFF.
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT HIM.
HUH?
YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BEEN TEMPORARILY
INSTALLED AS SHERIFF,
AND I'M IN POWER TO ACT AS ONE!
DOES THAT CONVINCE YOU?
NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU GO FIRST.
WELL, DO KNOW WHAT THIS
LOW-DOWN OSGOOD DID?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU MISERABLE,
TROUBLEMAKIN' HYENA.
ALL RIGHT, OSGOOD.
HOLD IT!
YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE.
I CHARGE THIS NO-GOOD SCUM
WITH BREAKIN' THE LAW!
HE JUST BUILT A SPIKE FENCE
ON THE PROPERTY LINE!
OH, YEAH?
YEAH! AND MY CHICKENS AIN'T
GETTIN' ANY SUNLIGHT!
WELL, THAT'S WHY I PUT UP
THE FENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
HIS HENS KEPT HOPPIN'
INTO MY YARD
AND SCRATCHIN' UP
MY GARDEN!
HOLD IT. HOLD IT!
HOLD IT!
YOU JUST TRY IT!
YOU THINK I WON'T, HUH?
YOU TRY IT!
THAT'S IT!
INTO JAIL YOU GO!
[ ALL SHOUTING ]
QUIET!
BARN.
IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GOT HERE, ANDY!
WE'RE SUING YOU,
ANDY TAYLOR.
YEAH, AND WHATEVER
HE'S SUING YOU FOR
I'M DOUBLING!
WE GOT LOCKED UP
ON FALSE CHARGES!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HO-HO-HOLD IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S A COMPLICATED CASE.
IT'S LIABLE TO DRAG OUT
IN THE COURTS FOR YEARS.
I FOUND A SIMILAR ONE
IN WILLOUGHBY v. PERKINS.
LISTEN TO THIS.
"PRESIDING JUDGE DECIDED
ON DEFACTO MISDEMEANOR.
"DISMISSED THE
PLAINTIFF'S GUILT
PRO QUO ARGUMENT AND
RULED SINE NE MARA."
WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT?
I THINK YOU'RE A NUT!
[ PRISONERS YELLING ]
HEY, WAIT. NOW, WAIT.
WAIT. NOW, HOLD IT.
NOW, SUPPOSE
YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
HE BUILT AN ILLEGAL FENCE
ON THE PROPERTY LINE
BLOCKING THE SUNLIGHT
FROM MY LAYING HENS.
HIS DARN HENS KEPT
SCRATCHING UP MY YARD
AND I DON'T HAVE
TO PUT UP FOR IT.
THEY AIN'T HURTIN'
HIS YARD!
NOW, HOLD IT!
YOU SAY
HE BUILT THE FENCE
AND IT'S BLOCKING
THE SUNLIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT,
AND THE LAW SAYS...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NOW, THERE'S...
THERE'S ALL KINDS
OF FENCES.
NOW, IT SEEMS TO ME
IF THAT FENCE WAS MADE
OUT OF CHICKEN WIRE
WHY, THEM HENS WOULD STILL BE
GETTING SUNLIGHT
AND EVERYBODY'D
BE HAPPY, RIGHT?
CHICKEN WIRE, HUH?
YEAH.
NOW, HUEY, YOU
DON'T OBJECT
TO A CHICKEN WIRE
FENCE, DO YOU?
WELL... NO.
GOOD. THEN THE PROBLEM'S
SETTLED, AND EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I KNEW IF YOU GOT BACK
EVERYTHING
WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU GET
MY VOTE BACK.
WHEN ANDY GOT HERE
EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
GOOD DECISION,
SHERIFF.
I'M GLAD YOU SHOWED UP
WHEN YOU DID.
CHICKEN WIRE.
NOW, WHY DIDN'T I
THINK OF THAT?
YEAH, WHY DIDN'T YOU?
BYE, ANDY. THANKS AGAIN.
I'LL SEE YOU.
SHERIFF.
HA!
SEE YOU, ANDY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
THANK YOU AGAIN.
ACT NICE.
TRY TO GET ALONG
WITH ONE ANOTHER.
THERE YOU ARE, BARNEY.
RIGHT THERE
IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT I WAS TRYING
TO TELL YOU.
AS A SHERIFF, YOU'VE GOT
TO USE DIFFERENT TACTICS
AND THAT
TAKES EXPERIENCE.
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND,
DON'T YOU, BARNEY?
SHERIFFING'S JUST A LOT
DIFFERENT FROM DEPUTYING.
NOW... NOW, NOW
DON'T TAKE ON
LIKE THAT, BARNEY.
YOU'RE STILL THE BEST DEPUTY
THAT EVER WAS.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU, BARN?
I NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS
ABOUT DEPUTY BARNEY FIFE.
NOW, BARNEY, DON'T LET
A SILLY LITTLE THING
LIKE WHAT HAPPENED DESTROY
YOUR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.
BARNEY!
RAFE HOLLISTER.
YUP. SHERIFF,
COME TO GIVE MYSELF UP.
WELL, THAT SAVES US BOTH
A LITTLE WEAR 'N'
TEAR, DON'T IT?
WHAT HAPPENED? YOU FORGET
WHERE YOU MOVED YOUR STILL?
NO, IT'S THE OLD WOMAN.
SHE GOT TIRED OF MOVING AROUND
BACK UP THERE IN THE MOUNTAINS
AND SHE WANTS ME TO SETTLE DOWN
AND START FARMING AGAIN.
WHEN YOU COME DOWN TO IT,
I GUESS PLANTIN' CORN
DOES MAKE MORE SENSE
THAN BOTTLING IT.
IT DOES, IT DOES.
HOW IS MRS. HOLLISTER?
MIDDLIN', MIDDLIN'.
SHE STOMPED HER TOE
AND COMPLAINS ABOUT IT A LOT
BUT OTHERWISE, SHE'S FINE.
UH-HUH. WELL, YOU
GIVE HER MY VERY BEST.
GLAD YOU COME ON IN.
I FIGURED IT WAS
JUST A MATTER OF TIME
'FORE EITHER YOU
OR YOUR DEPUTY
CAUGHT UP TO ME ANYWAY,
SO I COME ON IN.
I GUESS YOU GOT IT
FIGURED ABOUT RIGHT.
UH...
RAFE? I, UH...
I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
HMM?
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT
AND FIND
MY DEPUTY, BARNEY FIFE
AND GIVE YOURSELF UP TO HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?
I WANT YOU
TO FIND BARNEY FIFE.
I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW HIM
BUT YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIM
BY HIS UNIFORM
AND I WANT YOU
TO GIVE YOURSELF UP TO HIM.
WHAT YOU WANT ME
TO DO THAT FOR?
IF YOU'LL DO THAT
I'LL MAKE IT JUST AS COMFORTABLE
AS I CAN WHILE YOU'RE HERE.
HUH?
YES, AND AUNT BEE
SHE'LL BRING YOU
SOME CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS
AND SWEET TATER PIE
FOR SUPPER...
SHE WILL?
SHE WILL.
I'LL DO IT.
GOOD.
NOW, LIKE I SAY YOU'LL
RECOGNIZE HIM BY HIS UNIFORM
AND BE SURE, BE SURE
AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT COMING BY HERE FIRST.
ALL RIGHT.
CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS?
AND SWEET TATER PIE.
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN
MYSELF UP YEARS AGO.
BARNEY FIFE?
I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU A MINUTE.
I AIN'T IN THE MOOD
FOR TALKIN' TODAY.
WELL, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
YOU SEE...
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
YOUR HARD-LUCK STORIES.
HEY, THERE!
DON'T YOU KNOW
ANY BETTER
THAN TO RIDE YOUR BICYCLE
ON THE SIDEWALK, SON?
MY MOTHER WON'T LET ME
RIDE IT ON THE STREET.
LOOK, I GOT
TO TALK TO YOU.
IF YOU DON'T GO AWAY
I'M GOING TO LOCK YOU UP
AS A PUBLIC NUISANCE.
NOW, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF EVERYBODY RODE THEIR BICYCLES
ON THE SIDEWALK?
THERE WOULDN'T BE
ANY ROOM TO WALK.
NOW, YOU GO PICK A QUIET STREET
LIKE WILLOW OR WOODS WAY.
OKAY.
ARE YOU STILL HERE?
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MISTER.
WHY DON'T YOU GO
PESTER SOMEBODY ELSE?
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
STAYED UP IN THE HILLS.
HEY!
YOU COME BACK HERE.
WE GOT LAWS IN THIS TOWN
AGAINST JAYWALKIN'.
YOU REALLY ASKED
FOR IT THIS TIME.
LET ME SEE SOME
IDENTIFICATION.
THINK YOU CAN FLAUNT
THE LAWS IN THIS TOWN.
WHAT'S THAT LAST NAME THERE?
MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
BOY, ANDY, I GOT US
A HOT ONE THIS TIME.
KNOW WHO THIS IS?
WHO?
RAFE HOLLISTER.
RAFE HOLLISTER?
GREAT WORK, BARNEY.
YOU BROUGHT IN
RAFE HOLLISTER?
YEAH, BROUGHT HIM IN
WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT.
ALL RIGHT, HOLLISTER,
COME ON, MOVE IT!
COME ON, PICK 'EM UP!
THAT CELL OVER THERE!
COME ON, STEP LIVELY!
GET IN THERE!
I DECLARE, BARNEY,
THERE YOU ARE
AS COOL AS THE CENTER SEED
OF A CUCUMBER
AND YOU JUST BROUGHT IN
THE MOST WANTED MAN
IN THE WHOLE COUNTY.
WELL, IT'S ALL
IN A DAY'S WORK.
NO, BOY, THAT THERE
IS REAL SHERIFFIN'
BUT I MEAN
REAL SHERIFFIN'.
WELL...
YEAH, AND SPEAKIN'
OF THAT, I...
I GUESS WE'LL BE LOSING
YOU TO GREENDALE NOW.
HELLO, SARAH?
GET ME MAYOR PURDY.
I MEAN, NOW THAT YOU'VE HAD
A TASTE OF SHERIFFIN'
AND YOU LIKE IT...
HELLO?
MAYOR PURDY?
BARNEY FIFE.
UH, UH, LISTEN, MAYOR,
I'M AFRAID I'M NOT GOING
TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT
SHERIFFIN' JOB AFTER ALL.
WELL, YOU SEE,
WE'RE HAVING
TROUBLE WITH BOOTLEGGERS
OVER HERE
AND I GOT TO GO OUT
AND HUNT THEM DOWN.
WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
SHERIFF TAYLOR HUNG UP, YOU SEE.
AND... WELL,
YOU SEE
THE TRUTH IS, MAYOR...
MAYBERRY NEEDS ME.
I SURE AM GLAD YOU DECIDED
TO STAY, BARNEY.
I TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DONE
IF YOU'D HAVE LEFT ME.
OH, FORGET IT.
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE CREDIT
WHERE CREDIT'S DUE.
I MEAN, YOU BROUGHT IN
RAFE HOLLISTER SINGLE-HANDED,
AND I BET YOU'RE THE BEST DEPUTY
THERE IS IN THE WHOLE STATE.
OH, WELL.
IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GOOD.
I'M JUST DOING MY JOB.
YEAH.
LOCKED YOURSELF IN,
DID YOU?
UH, YEAH,
I LOCKED MYSELF IN.
[ Chuckling ]
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
THE HIGH SHERIFF
LOCKING HIMSELF IN.
ALL RIGHT, BARNEY,
HOW ABOUT LETTING ME OUT?
THE KEYS --
I KNOW WHERE THE KEY IS.
I'LL LET YOU OUT, ANDY.
YEAH, BUT FIRST,
I GOT SOME WORK TO DO.
OH, I GOT TO PUT
THIS OVER THERE.
AND THEN I GOT SOME CALLS TO
MAKE AND SOME FILING TO DO.
YEAH, I'LL LET YOU OUT.
LET'S SEE NOW.
WHAT DAY IS THIS, ANDY?
OH, YES.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL JUST --
WITH SOME KNOW-HOW
TO FINISH SHERIFF
MALONEY'S TERM--
KIND OF A FELLA LIKE...
WELL, HERE.
HERE'S THE KIND
OF SHERIFF WE NEED.
"ONCE AGAIN,
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
"HAS BEEN COMMENDED
FOR OUTSTANDING LAW ENFORCEMENT.
"MAYBERRY COUNTY,
FOR THE THIRD CONSECUTIVE YEAR
"HAS THE LOWEST CRIME RATE
IN THE STATE.
"IN ACCEPTING THE AWARD,
SHERIFF TAYLOR SAID
IT WOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE
WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS
EFFICIENT DEPUTY, BARNEY FIFE."
YOU SUGGESTING
WE TRY TO GET TAYLOR?
OH, I'M SURE
WE COULDN'T GET TAYLOR
BUT HOW ABOUT HIS DEPUTY,
THIS, UH...
FIFE FELLA?
GENTLEMEN, I
RECOMMEND THAT WE
MAKE HIM AN OFFER.
ALL IN FAVOR, SAY AYE.
Both: AYE.
BOYS, I HOPE AND TRUST
THIS IS OUR NEXT SHERIFF--
BARNEY FIFE--
SO KEEN, ALERT,
SHARP!
BARNEY?
WELL, LOCKED
YOURSELF IN, DID YA?
LOCKED MYSELF IN.
WELL, I BELIEVE THAT'S
THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK.
YEAH, IT'S THE THIRD TIME.
OH, I SEE.
WE'RE GONNA PLAY
THAT FUNNY LITTLE GAME
WHERE THE SHERIFF KEEPS
THE DEPUTY LOCKED IN, HUH?
HOW LONG YOU GONNA
KEEP ME IN THIS TIME?
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE YOUR FUN.
IF IT AMUSES YOU,
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, THE SHERIFF
NEEDS HIS LAUGH.
OH, I'LL BE GLAD
TO OBLIGE HIM.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF TIME.
I...
YOU OPENED IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU WAS GONNA KEEP ME LOCKED IN
LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
I WOULD, BUT I AIN'T GOT
TIME TO FOOL AROUND.
IMPORTANT POLICE
WORK JUST COME UP.
YOU GET A LEAD
ON THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE?
BIGGER'N THAT.
BIGGER'N THAT?
WE BEEN AFTER HOLLISTER'S STILL
FOR SIX MONTHS.
THIS MUST BE BIG.
IT IS. COME ON OVER
TO THE DESK
AND WE'LL LAY IT OUT.
DRAW UP A CHAIR.
WHAT'S UP, ANDY?
NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
THIS HAS GOT
TO BE DONE JUST RIGHT
SO THERE WON'T
BE ANY SLIP-UPS.
OKAY?
YEAH.
JUST A MINUTE AGO
I WAS OVER BY
THE POST OFFICE.
YEAH?
THERE WAS A BIG SEDAN
PARKED OUT THERE.
YEAH, A BIG SEDAN.
IN FRONT OF THE SEDAN,
A STATION WAGON...
STATION WAGON.
...AND IN FRONT OF
THE STATION WAGON
A PICKUP TRUCK.
PICKUP TRUCK.
LET ME SEE
IF I GOT MY BULLET.
YEAH, OKAY.
OKAY?
NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.
YEAH.
I BELIEVE THAT THE SEDAN,
THE STATION WAGON
AND THE PICKUP TRUCK
ARE OVER-PARKED.
TAKE THIS CHALK
AND MARK 'EM.
CHECK.
WHY DON'T WE GO UP
TO THE HOSPITAL SOME NIGHT
AND TAKE THE BOLTS
OFF THE WHEELCHAIRS?
THAT'D BE FUNNY, TOO.
[ CHUCKLING ]
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YES?
GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
SHERIFF TAYLOR
THIS IS MAYOR PURDY
OF GREENDALE.
HELLO, MAYOR.
I'M COUNCILMAN DOBBS.
COUNCILMAN, HOW ARE YA?
WE READ ABOUT YOU
IN THE PAPER.
WE WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU
AND YOUR DEPUTY
FOR WINNING THE AWARD.
OH, WELL, MUCH OBLIGED.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
SHERIFF, WE'VE COME HERE
TO MAKE YOUR DEPUTY FIFE
AN OFFER.
YEAH? WHAT KINDA OFFER?
WELL, WE'D LIKE
TO HAVE BARNEY FIFE
BE SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
HUH?
Dobbs: GREENDALE NEEDS
A NEW SHERIFF
TILL THE NEXT ELECTION
AND WE'RE HOPIN' YOU'LL
LET US HAVE BARNEY FIFE.
Purdy: WE'LL GIVE YOU TIME
TO BREAK IN A NEW DEPUTY.
OH... WELL, UH, UH...
I MEAN, YOU-YOU JU--
YOU JUST CAN'T
REPLACE BARNEY FIFE
JUST LIKE THAT.
I KNOW WE'RE ASKIN'
AN AWFUL LOT, SHERIFF
BUT WE NEED
A MAN LIKE FIFE.
UH, WELL, UH, I, UH...
I UNDERSTAND
YOUR PROBLEM, UH, MAYOR
BUT, UH, BARNEY'S, UH, UH, UH...
WELL, BARNEY'S TOO LOYAL.
HE'S-HE'S TOO LOYAL,
AND I'M, UH, I'M NOT SURE
THAT HE'D WANT
TO GIVE UP THIS JOB AND...
W-WELL, I'LL, UH,
I'LL TALK TO HIM FOR YOU
AND LET HIM MAKE UP
HIS OWN MIND.
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
GOOD-BYE.
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
MAYOR. COUNCILMAN.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
ME?
THE HIGH SHERIFF OF GREENDALE?
UH-HUH.
WELL, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
TH-THAT'S A REAL STEP UP.
THAT'S A REAL OPPORTUNITY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WELL, BARNEY, I, UH
I JUST THINK YOU
OUGHT TO THINK ABOUT
IT PRETTY CAREFULLY.
WELL, WHAT'S THERE
TO THINK ABOUT?
WELL, SURE, I-I DON'T LIKE
LEAVING YOU AND MAYBERRY
BUT THIS IS
A REAL CHANCE FOR ME.
DON'T YOU THINK I OUGHT
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT?
WELL, UH...
NO.
HUH?
BARNEY, SHERIFFIN'S
A LOT DIFFERENT FROM DEPUTYING
AND WHILE YOU MAKE A FINE DEPUTY
I-I THINK YOU JUST NEED
MORE EXPERIENCE--
EXPERIENCE IN DEALIN' WITH
PROBLEMS DIFFERENT WAYS.
SURE. YOU THINK ALL I'M
GOOD FOR IS CHALKIN' TIRES
AND HELPIN' SCHOOL KIDS
ACROSS THE STREET.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT
AT ALL, BARNEY.
IT'S JUST
THAT I NEED YOU AROUND HERE.
THEY'S A WHOLE LOT
TO DO AROUND HERE.
WE AIN'T FOUND
RAFE HOLLISTER'S STILL YET.
YEAH, YOU SAY THAT.
YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN BE A SHERIFF.
THE FACT IS YOU NEVER
HAVE BEEN A SHERIFF
AND I'M JUST TRYIN' TO TELL YOU
THAT SHERIFFIN'S
A LOT DIFFERENT
FROM DEPUTYING.
WELL, WE ALL
GOTTA START SOMEPLACE, PAL,
AND FATE HAS PICKED
GREENDALE FOR ME.
IT'S A CASE OF THE OFFICE
SEEKIN' THE MAN.
NOW, IF I HAPPEN
TO BE THE MAN
THEN I GOT TO
ANSWER THE CALL.
BARNEY, THE FACT IS...
THE FACT IS I GOT
A RENDEZVOUS WITH DESTINY.
HELLO, SARAH?
GET ME
THE MAYOR OF GREENDALE.
* YA TI YA TA TA TA
TA TA TA TA TA TA *
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT?
HAPPY?
[ CHUCKLES ]
WELL, I GUESS YOU'D
BE HAPPY, TOO,
IF YOU'D JUST BEEN OFFERED
AN IMPORTANT JOB.
YOU WERE OFFERED A JOB?
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, CHAPS,
THEY'VE JUST ASKED ME TO BE
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE!
IS THAT TRUE, BARNEY?
YEAH, WELL, WHEN DUTY CALLS,
A MAN'S GOT TO ANSWER IT.
GOOD!
SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
YEAH, I KNOW
I'M WALKING INTO
A CESSPOOL OF VIOLENCE
AND CRIME,
BUT, WELL, A MAN'S GOT TO
DO WHAT HE'S GOT TO DO.
OH, COME ON, BARNEY.
GREENDALE IS JUST
A QUIET LITTLE TOWN.
YEAH. IT'S QUIET
ON THE OUTSIDE.
UNDERNEATH,
IT'S ANOTHER DODGE CITY.
IT'S GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE DOING,
BUT I'M GOING TO BRING LAW
AND ORDER TO THAT TOWN.
WELL, BARNEY, THIS IS
KIND OF SUDDEN-LIKE.
H-HOW'S ANDY TAKING THIS?
WELL, HE'S SHOOK UP,
NATURALLY, BUT WHAT THE HECK,
I'LL JUST BE OVER
IN THE NEXT COUNTY.
I CAN ALWAYS RUSH BACK
ANY TIME ANDY GETS
HIMSELF IN A BIND.
YEAH.
YEAH, WELL, WELL,
THE SHERIFF OF GREENDALE.
WELL, DON'T THANK ME,
MAYOR PURDY.
IT WAS BARNEY'S DECISION
TO MAKE, AND HE MADE IT.
YEAH, I EXPECT YOU'LL BE
SEEING HIM IN A FEW DAYS.
RIGHT. BYE.
HIDEY-HO.
HI, PAW.
PAW?
HMM?
THE KIDS ARE SURE
GONNA MISS BARNEY
DOWN AT THE SCHOOL.
HE'S THE BEST CROSSING GUARD
WE EVER HAD.
YEAH, HE IS THAT.
WHY DOES BARNEY WANT
TO GO TO GREENDALE, ANYWAY?
WELL, IT'S AN
OPPORTUNITY, SON.
HE'LL BE SHERIFF
OVER THERE.
YOU THINK BARNEY
WOULD STAY IN MAYBERRY
IF HE COULD BE SHERIFF HERE?
I'M THE SHERIFF HERE.
COULDN'T YOU TAKE TURNS?
WELL, YOU SEE, IT
DON'T WORK THAT WAY.
COULDN'T YOU LET HIM
BE SHERIFF ONCE IN A WHILE?
NO, IT DON'T WORK
THAT WAY EITHER.
YOU SEE...
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE HERE.
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
IDEA YOU COME UP WITH.
I DID?
WHAT WAS THE IDEA
I COME UP WITH?
WELL, IF WE LET BARNEY
BE SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
FOR JUST ONE DAY,
HE MIGHT FIND OUT
IT'S A LOT MORE DIFFICULT
THAN HE REALIZES
IN WHICH CASE,
HE MIGHT FORFEIT
THE OPPORTUNITY
FOR ADVANCEMENT
AND BE SATISFIED
WITH THE STATUS QUO.
IS THAT THE IDEA
I COME UP WITH, PAW?
THAT'S IT.
THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD IDEA
I COME UP WITH, HUH?
YOU BETTER KNOW IT WAS,
YOU LITTLE BUZZARD.
[ GIGGLING ]
YOU MEAN YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME
TO BE SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
FOR A DAY?
WHY NOT? A PITCHER GETS
A CHANCE TO WARM UP
BEFORE HE GOES
INTO A BALL GAME.
WALKING INTO
A NEW JOB
WHY, YOU COULD USE
THE EXPERIENCE.
YEAH, BUT SHERIFF
OF MAYBERRY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, COME ON.
I'LL SWEAR YOU IN.
RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.
DO YOU, BARNEY FIFE,
SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY
SOLEMNLY SWEAR
TO UPHOLD THE LAW
TO THE BEST
OF YOUR ABILITY?
I DO.
OKAY, LET ME
HAVE YOUR BADGE
AND HERE'S MINE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
PUT THEM ON.
THERE.
NOW, HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE SHERIFF?
[ CHUCKLES ]
FINE.
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
HOW'S IT FEEL
TO BE THE DEPUTY?
OH, FINE, FINE.
WELL, WHAT'S GOING TO BE
YOUR FIRST ACT AS SHERIFF?
WELL...
THERE!
THERE'S THE FIRST ASSIGNMENT
FOR THE NEW SHERIFF.
I'M GOING TO CRACK
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE.
I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHERE THAT STILL IS
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
HOW?
WELL, YOU SEE, ANDY,
WHEN YOU WAS SHERIFF
YOU APPROACHED
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE
WITH YOUR USUAL CRACKER-BARREL
POLICE METHODS.
NOW THAT I'M SHERIFF,
I'LL USE
SOME HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC
POLICE TECHNIQUES
AND I'M GOING TO WRAP UP
THE RAFE HOLLISTER CASE.
OBSERVE.
UM, WHAT, UH...
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO, BARNEY?
I'M GOING TO GET
OUR TOWN DRUNK
TO GIVE US
THE INFORMATION.
HOW ARE YOU GOING
TO DO THAT?
WELL, THE SUBCONSCIOUS
TELLS THE TRUTH
WHILE YOU'RE
ASLEEP, YOU SEE.
OH, OH, UH-HUH.
I'M GOING TO PROBE
HIS SUBCONSCIOUS.
OH, I SEE.
[ Singsong ]
OTIS...
OTIS CAMPBELL...
YOU PICKED UP SOME
BOOTLEG LIQUOR.
WHERE DID YOU
GET THE LIQUOR?
WHERE DID YOU GET
THE LIQUOR?
[ MUMBLING ]
OH, DARN.
YOU GOT A PENCIL?
MM-HMM.
WHERE IS THE
RAFE HOLLISTER STILL?
OTIS. OTIS CAMPBELL.
THIS IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS.
COME IN, PLEASE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHERE'S THE STILL?!
I MEAN...
[ Singsong ]
WHERE IS THE STILL?
YOU GO OUT ROUTE 22
PAST WAYNESBOROUGH
MEDVILLE, THORNDYKE, UPSON...
A LITTLE SLOWER, PLEASE.
...THROUGH VIRGINIA,
PENNSYLVANIA, OHIO...
HE'S MAKING FOR CANADA.
Otis: THEN BACK THROUGH
WEST VIRGINIA
KENTUCKY, TENNESSEE,
INTO MAYBERRY ON ROUTE 10.
WHERE THEN?
TO ELM STREET.
4-1-1 ELM STREET.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT!
COME ON, LET'S GO!
LET'S GET THE AXES!
GO WHERE?
WELL, WHERE HE SAID,
TO 411 ELM STREET.
[ Singsong ]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HEY, BARNEY,
DON'T THAT ADDRESS
SOUND A LITTLE
FAMILIAR TO YOU?
FAMILIAR?! HOW CAN IT
SOUND FAMILIAR?
HE JUST NOW TOLD IT
TO ME THIS SECOND.
WHAT DO...?
WAIT A MINUTE.
411 ELM STREET?
THAT'S WHERE I LIVE!
MAYBE HIS SUBCONSCIOUS
TOOK A WRONG TURN
IN OHIO.
THE OWNER OF THE STILL
IS BARNEY FIFE.
[ Laughing ]
GET BARNEY FIFE.
NOW, THAT'S
NOT FUNNY, OTIS!
HEY, THAT'S A FINE SYSTEM
YOU GOT THERE, BARNEY.
YOU OUGHT TO WRITE
A BOOK ON IT.
CALL IT "THE BARNEY FIFE
SUBCONSCIOUS PROBER PRIMER."
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
ALL RIGHT, OTIS! OUT!
OH, BARNEY.
OUT! OUT! OUT!
COME ON!
"BARNEY FIFE'S
PROBER PRIMER."
OUT, OUT, OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT!
AND AS FOR YOU, DEPUTY,
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TAKE THIS CHALK
AND GO OUT
AND MARK SOME CARS!
OH, COME ON, NOW, BARNEY.
COME ON, OUT! OUT!
OUT!
WHERE'S THE SHERIFF?
WHERE'S ANDY?
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
THIS IS A MATTER
FOR THE SHERIFF.
WE WANT TO SEE
THE SHERIFF.
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT HIM.
HUH?
YOU?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BEEN TEMPORARILY
INSTALLED AS SHERIFF,
AND I'M IN POWER TO ACT AS ONE!
DOES THAT CONVINCE YOU?
NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU GO FIRST.
WELL, DO KNOW WHAT THIS
LOW-DOWN OSGOOD DID?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU MISERABLE,
TROUBLEMAKIN' HYENA.
ALL RIGHT, OSGOOD.
HOLD IT!
YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE.
I CHARGE THIS NO-GOOD SCUM
WITH BREAKIN' THE LAW!
HE JUST BUILT A SPIKE FENCE
ON THE PROPERTY LINE!
OH, YEAH?
YEAH! AND MY CHICKENS AIN'T
GETTIN' ANY SUNLIGHT!
WELL, THAT'S WHY I PUT UP
THE FENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
HIS HENS KEPT HOPPIN'
INTO MY YARD
AND SCRATCHIN' UP
MY GARDEN!
HOLD IT. HOLD IT!
HOLD IT!
YOU JUST TRY IT!
YOU THINK I WON'T, HUH?
YOU TRY IT!
THAT'S IT!
INTO JAIL YOU GO!
[ ALL SHOUTING ]
QUIET!
BARN.
IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GOT HERE, ANDY!
WE'RE SUING YOU,
ANDY TAYLOR.
YEAH, AND WHATEVER
HE'S SUING YOU FOR
I'M DOUBLING!
WE GOT LOCKED UP
ON FALSE CHARGES!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HO-HO-HOLD IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S A COMPLICATED CASE.
IT'S LIABLE TO DRAG OUT
IN THE COURTS FOR YEARS.
I FOUND A SIMILAR ONE
IN WILLOUGHBY v. PERKINS.
LISTEN TO THIS.
"PRESIDING JUDGE DECIDED
ON DEFACTO MISDEMEANOR.
"DISMISSED THE
PLAINTIFF'S GUILT
PRO QUO ARGUMENT AND
RULED SINE NE MARA."
WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT?
I THINK YOU'RE A NUT!
[ PRISONERS YELLING ]
HEY, WAIT. NOW, WAIT.
WAIT. NOW, HOLD IT.
NOW, SUPPOSE
YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
HE BUILT AN ILLEGAL FENCE
ON THE PROPERTY LINE
BLOCKING THE SUNLIGHT
FROM MY LAYING HENS.
HIS DARN HENS KEPT
SCRATCHING UP MY YARD
AND I DON'T HAVE
TO PUT UP FOR IT.
THEY AIN'T HURTIN'
HIS YARD!
NOW, HOLD IT!
YOU SAY
HE BUILT THE FENCE
AND IT'S BLOCKING
THE SUNLIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT,
AND THE LAW SAYS...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NOW, THERE'S...
THERE'S ALL KINDS
OF FENCES.
NOW, IT SEEMS TO ME
IF THAT FENCE WAS MADE
OUT OF CHICKEN WIRE
WHY, THEM HENS WOULD STILL BE
GETTING SUNLIGHT
AND EVERYBODY'D
BE HAPPY, RIGHT?
CHICKEN WIRE, HUH?
YEAH.
NOW, HUEY, YOU
DON'T OBJECT
TO A CHICKEN WIRE
FENCE, DO YOU?
WELL... NO.
GOOD. THEN THE PROBLEM'S
SETTLED, AND EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I KNEW IF YOU GOT BACK
EVERYTHING
WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU GET
MY VOTE BACK.
WHEN ANDY GOT HERE
EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
GOOD DECISION,
SHERIFF.
I'M GLAD YOU SHOWED UP
WHEN YOU DID.
CHICKEN WIRE.
NOW, WHY DIDN'T I
THINK OF THAT?
YEAH, WHY DIDN'T YOU?
BYE, ANDY. THANKS AGAIN.
I'LL SEE YOU.
SHERIFF.
HA!
SEE YOU, ANDY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
THANK YOU AGAIN.
ACT NICE.
TRY TO GET ALONG
WITH ONE ANOTHER.
THERE YOU ARE, BARNEY.
RIGHT THERE
IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT I WAS TRYING
TO TELL YOU.
AS A SHERIFF, YOU'VE GOT
TO USE DIFFERENT TACTICS
AND THAT
TAKES EXPERIENCE.
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND,
DON'T YOU, BARNEY?
SHERIFFING'S JUST A LOT
DIFFERENT FROM DEPUTYING.
NOW... NOW, NOW
DON'T TAKE ON
LIKE THAT, BARNEY.
YOU'RE STILL THE BEST DEPUTY
THAT EVER WAS.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU, BARN?
I NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS
ABOUT DEPUTY BARNEY FIFE.
NOW, BARNEY, DON'T LET
A SILLY LITTLE THING
LIKE WHAT HAPPENED DESTROY
YOUR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.
BARNEY!
RAFE HOLLISTER.
YUP. SHERIFF,
COME TO GIVE MYSELF UP.
WELL, THAT SAVES US BOTH
A LITTLE WEAR 'N'
TEAR, DON'T IT?
WHAT HAPPENED? YOU FORGET
WHERE YOU MOVED YOUR STILL?
NO, IT'S THE OLD WOMAN.
SHE GOT TIRED OF MOVING AROUND
BACK UP THERE IN THE MOUNTAINS
AND SHE WANTS ME TO SETTLE DOWN
AND START FARMING AGAIN.
WHEN YOU COME DOWN TO IT,
I GUESS PLANTIN' CORN
DOES MAKE MORE SENSE
THAN BOTTLING IT.
IT DOES, IT DOES.
HOW IS MRS. HOLLISTER?
MIDDLIN', MIDDLIN'.
SHE STOMPED HER TOE
AND COMPLAINS ABOUT IT A LOT
BUT OTHERWISE, SHE'S FINE.
UH-HUH. WELL, YOU
GIVE HER MY VERY BEST.
GLAD YOU COME ON IN.
I FIGURED IT WAS
JUST A MATTER OF TIME
'FORE EITHER YOU
OR YOUR DEPUTY
CAUGHT UP TO ME ANYWAY,
SO I COME ON IN.
I GUESS YOU GOT IT
FIGURED ABOUT RIGHT.
UH...
RAFE? I, UH...
I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
HMM?
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT
AND FIND
MY DEPUTY, BARNEY FIFE
AND GIVE YOURSELF UP TO HIM.
YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?
I WANT YOU
TO FIND BARNEY FIFE.
I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW HIM
BUT YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIM
BY HIS UNIFORM
AND I WANT YOU
TO GIVE YOURSELF UP TO HIM.
WHAT YOU WANT ME
TO DO THAT FOR?
IF YOU'LL DO THAT
I'LL MAKE IT JUST AS COMFORTABLE
AS I CAN WHILE YOU'RE HERE.
HUH?
YES, AND AUNT BEE
SHE'LL BRING YOU
SOME CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS
AND SWEET TATER PIE
FOR SUPPER...
SHE WILL?
SHE WILL.
I'LL DO IT.
GOOD.
NOW, LIKE I SAY YOU'LL
RECOGNIZE HIM BY HIS UNIFORM
AND BE SURE, BE SURE
AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT COMING BY HERE FIRST.
ALL RIGHT.
CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS?
AND SWEET TATER PIE.
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN
MYSELF UP YEARS AGO.
BARNEY FIFE?
I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU A MINUTE.
I AIN'T IN THE MOOD
FOR TALKIN' TODAY.
WELL, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
YOU SEE...
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
YOUR HARD-LUCK STORIES.
HEY, THERE!
DON'T YOU KNOW
ANY BETTER
THAN TO RIDE YOUR BICYCLE
ON THE SIDEWALK, SON?
MY MOTHER WON'T LET ME
RIDE IT ON THE STREET.
LOOK, I GOT
TO TALK TO YOU.
IF YOU DON'T GO AWAY
I'M GOING TO LOCK YOU UP
AS A PUBLIC NUISANCE.
NOW, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF EVERYBODY RODE THEIR BICYCLES
ON THE SIDEWALK?
THERE WOULDN'T BE
ANY ROOM TO WALK.
NOW, YOU GO PICK A QUIET STREET
LIKE WILLOW OR WOODS WAY.
OKAY.
ARE YOU STILL HERE?
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MISTER.
WHY DON'T YOU GO
PESTER SOMEBODY ELSE?
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
STAYED UP IN THE HILLS.
HEY!
YOU COME BACK HERE.
WE GOT LAWS IN THIS TOWN
AGAINST JAYWALKIN'.
YOU REALLY ASKED
FOR IT THIS TIME.
LET ME SEE SOME
IDENTIFICATION.
THINK YOU CAN FLAUNT
THE LAWS IN THIS TOWN.
WHAT'S THAT LAST NAME THERE?
MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
BOY, ANDY, I GOT US
A HOT ONE THIS TIME.
KNOW WHO THIS IS?
WHO?
RAFE HOLLISTER.
RAFE HOLLISTER?
GREAT WORK, BARNEY.
YOU BROUGHT IN
RAFE HOLLISTER?
YEAH, BROUGHT HIM IN
WITHOUT FIRING A SHOT.
ALL RIGHT, HOLLISTER,
COME ON, MOVE IT!
COME ON, PICK 'EM UP!
THAT CELL OVER THERE!
COME ON, STEP LIVELY!
GET IN THERE!
I DECLARE, BARNEY,
THERE YOU ARE
AS COOL AS THE CENTER SEED
OF A CUCUMBER
AND YOU JUST BROUGHT IN
THE MOST WANTED MAN
IN THE WHOLE COUNTY.
WELL, IT'S ALL
IN A DAY'S WORK.
NO, BOY, THAT THERE
IS REAL SHERIFFIN'
BUT I MEAN
REAL SHERIFFIN'.
WELL...
YEAH, AND SPEAKIN'
OF THAT, I...
I GUESS WE'LL BE LOSING
YOU TO GREENDALE NOW.
HELLO, SARAH?
GET ME MAYOR PURDY.
I MEAN, NOW THAT YOU'VE HAD
A TASTE OF SHERIFFIN'
AND YOU LIKE IT...
HELLO?
MAYOR PURDY?
BARNEY FIFE.
UH, UH, LISTEN, MAYOR,
I'M AFRAID I'M NOT GOING
TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT
SHERIFFIN' JOB AFTER ALL.
WELL, YOU SEE,
WE'RE HAVING
TROUBLE WITH BOOTLEGGERS
OVER HERE
AND I GOT TO GO OUT
AND HUNT THEM DOWN.
WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
SHERIFF TAYLOR HUNG UP, YOU SEE.
AND... WELL,
YOU SEE
THE TRUTH IS, MAYOR...
MAYBERRY NEEDS ME.
I SURE AM GLAD YOU DECIDED
TO STAY, BARNEY.
I TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DONE
IF YOU'D HAVE LEFT ME.
OH, FORGET IT.
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE CREDIT
WHERE CREDIT'S DUE.
I MEAN, YOU BROUGHT IN
RAFE HOLLISTER SINGLE-HANDED,
AND I BET YOU'RE THE BEST DEPUTY
THERE IS IN THE WHOLE STATE.
OH, WELL.
IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GOOD.
I'M JUST DOING MY JOB.
YEAH.
LOCKED YOURSELF IN,
DID YOU?
UH, YEAH,
I LOCKED MYSELF IN.
[ Chuckling ]
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
THE HIGH SHERIFF
LOCKING HIMSELF IN.
ALL RIGHT, BARNEY,
HOW ABOUT LETTING ME OUT?
THE KEYS --
I KNOW WHERE THE KEY IS.
I'LL LET YOU OUT, ANDY.
YEAH, BUT FIRST,
I GOT SOME WORK TO DO.
OH, I GOT TO PUT
THIS OVER THERE.
AND THEN I GOT SOME CALLS TO
MAKE AND SOME FILING TO DO.
YEAH, I'LL LET YOU OUT.
LET'S SEE NOW.
WHAT DAY IS THIS, ANDY?
OH, YES.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL JUST --