The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Guitar Player - full transcript

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD.

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

[ PLAYING BLUEGRASS MUSIC ]

THERE HE IS
AGAIN, SHERIFF.

ARREST HIM.

WELL, NOW...

HE'S DISTURBING
THE PEACE.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF
MY PLACE OF BUSINESS.

NOW, LET'S BE REALISTIC
ABOUT THAT THING.

IN YOUR BUSINESS,
I DON'T RIGHTLY SEE



WHO HE COULD BE DISTURBING.

HE'S DISTURBING ME;
THAT'S WHO.

MY BUSINESS REQUIRES
QUIET AND DIGNITY.

DIGNITY!

YOU KNOW THE LAW.

TOWN ORDINANCE
PROHIBITS HIM

FROM PLAYING
ON THE STREET.

WELL, YEAH,
YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT...

WELL, THEN...

ORVILLE, HE'S RIGHT
IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHORUS.

NOW GIVE HIM
A CHANCE TO FINISH.

THANK YOU.

HOWDY, JIM.

YOU SURE ARE SOUNDING
BETTER THAN EVER.



YEAH?

YEAH, BOY.

UH, LISTEN, Y'ALL.

ORVILLE, HE'S GETTING
A LITTLE UPSET

ABOUT US ALL STANDING
AROUND OUT HERE

IN THE FRONT OF HIS
PLACE OF BUSINESS.

MIGHT BE A GOOD
IDEA TO JUST MOVE
ALONG, ALL OF US.

APPRECIATE IT.

ANDY?

HUH?

I GOT MYSELF A NEW PICK

FROM THAT STORE
IN WINSTON-SALEM.

SURE MAKES A DIFFERENCE,
DON'T IT?

YEAH, BOY.

THAT NUMBER WAS
SOME KIND OF PRETTY.

THANK YA.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU'RE ALSO
UNDER ARREST.

AGAIN?

YEAH.

DISTURBING THE PEACE.

PICKED A GOOD DAY TO
GET ARRESTED THOUGH.

OH?

YES, SIR.

AUNT BEE'S FIXING CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS FOR DINNER.

[ PLAYING BLUEGRASS ]

* RIDIN' ON
THAT NEW RIVER TRAIN *

* RIDIN' ON THAT NEW
RIVER TRAIN *

* SAME OLD TRAIN
THAT BROUGHT ME HERE *

* GONNA TAKE ME BACK AGAIN

* DARLIN', YOU CAN'T
LOVE ONE *

* DARLIN',
YOU CAN'T LOVE ONE *

* CAN'T LOVE ONE
AND HAVE ANY FUN *

* OH, DARLIN',
YOU CAN'T LOVE ONE *

SING, BARNEY!

* RIDIN' ON
THAT NEW RIVER TRAIN *

* RIDIN' ON THAT NEW
RIVER TRAIN *

* SAME OLD TRAIN
THAT BROUGHT ME HERE *

* GONNA TAKE ME HOME AGAIN

ONE MORE!

* RIDIN' ON
THAT NEW RIVER TRAIN *

* RIDIN' ON THAT NEW
RIVER TRAIN *

* SAME OLD TRAIN
THAT BROUGHT ME HERE *

* GONNA TAKE ME BACK AGAIN *

OH, THAT IS GOOD!

Barney: THAT IS GOOD,
NOW, ANDY!

HI, AUNT BEE!

OH, JIM, IT'S
SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

WASN'T THAT GOOD, AUNT BEE?

SURE WAS --
YOU SURE BRIGHTEN UP

THIS PLACE
WHEN YOU GET ARRESTED.

HE SURE DOES.

THANK YOU AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, ANDY TOLD ME
WE WERE

GOING TO HAVE
CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS.

THAT IS WHAT IT IS.

LET'S SEE,
LET'S SEE, LET'S SEE.

MMM, DON'T THEY LOOK
GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT!

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I'D RATHER BE ARRESTED
BY YOU FOLKS

THAN ANYBODY I KNOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

ANDY, YOU COMING HOME
FOR DINNER?

YES'M, I'LL BE THERE
PRETTY SOON,

SOON AS BARNEY EATS --
YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND EAT?

YEAH, I'M
ABOUT TO FAINT.

GOOD, I'LL HAVE
EVERYTHING READY.

BYE, JIM, SEE YOU THE NEXT TIME
YOU'RE DRAGGED IN.

BYE, AUNT BEE.

I'LL SEE YOU,
AUNT BEE.

JIM?

HMM?

WHY IN THE WORLD
DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING

ABOUT YOURSELF?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU GOT A FINE TALENT THERE.

YOU THE BEST GUITAR PLAYER
I EVER HEARD.

WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY NICE
OF YOU, ANDY.

BUT MAYBERRY AIN'T VERY BIG.

WELL, NOW WHO SAYS YOU
GOTTA STAY IN MAYBERRY?

YOU'VE HEARD
ALL THESE FELLAS

THAT COME THROUGH HERE
PLAYING IN THE SHOWS.

HOW ABOUT THAT
FELLA WE SEE

EVERY NOW AND THEN
ON TELEVISION

SHAKING AND SCREAMING?

SOUND LIKE SOMEBODY'S
BEATING HIS DOG.

YOU'RE BETTER
THAN ALL OF THEM.

WELL, NOW,
I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

WELL, YES, YOU ARE, TOO.

YOU WANT SOME CREAM?

NO, THANK YOU.

YOU ARE. I KNOW IT.

IF YOU WENT TO
NEW YORK OR ONE

OF THE OTHER BIG TOWNS,
SHOWED THEM WHAT YOU GOT

WHY THEY'D SAY, "BOY,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

OH, YEAH, THEY'D SAY,
"WHERE YOU BEEN

AND WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK
AS FAST AS YOU CAN?"

YOU RECKON?

YEAH. YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE THEY'D SAY?

"DON'T CALL US, BOY;
WE'LL CALL YOU."

I AIN'T GOT NO PHONE.

NO, ANDY,
THAT WOULDN'T WORK AT ALL.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO MAKE
YOURSELF SOME REAL MONEY?

YOU KNOW, FOLDING KIND?

OH, THAT'D BE NICE.

YES, SIREE.

MAYBE EVEN GET
TO BE A CELEBRITY?

FOLKS RUNNING
AFTER YOU FOR
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

YEAH?

YEAH! IT'D BE WORTH LEARNING

HOW TO WRITE JUST FOR THAT.

I TELL YOU, ANDY.

IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T
FEEL THAT I'M READY.

WELL, WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU GONNA BE READY?

WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND GOT
A LONG GRAY BEARD?

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
A THING LIKE THAT

CAN INTERFERE WITH YOUR PICKIN'.

YOU'RE READY NOW, BOY, AND YOU
BETTER DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT IT.

YOU WON'T PAY A BIT OF ATTENTION
TO ANYBODY, WILL YA?

YOU BEAT ANYTHING
I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
I BOTHERED TO ARREST YOU.

YOU PUT THAT
DOWN, TALBOTT!

ALL RIGHT, HOG 'EM
ALL YOURSELF!

I'VE TOLD YOU
A HUNDRED TIMES

THESE IS
STATE CRIMINALS.

NOW, THE POST OFFICE
IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO
PUT UP FEDERALS.

YOU KNOW THEY AIN'T BEEN
SENDING ME NONE LATELY.

AND HOW'S IT LOOK
FOR A POSTMASTER

TO HAVE A HALF-EMPTY
BULLETIN BOARD?

TALBOTT, YOUR
MAIN BUSINESS IS
SELLING STAMPS.

NOW WITH YOU, WANTED CRIMINALS
IS JUST A SIDELINE.

HERE I AM SET UP WITH
ALL KIND OF POSTER SPACE

AND I AIN'T GOT
HALF AS MANY AS YOU.

NOW, TALBOTT,
DON'T GO RUNNING DOWN

THAT BULLETIN BOARD OF YOURS.

WHY, YOU MAY NOT HAVE
MANY POSTERS

BUT ONE THING
NOBODY CAN TAKE AWAY--

YOU GOT QUALITY.

HUH?

WELL, LOOK THERE.

WHAT DO YOU
SEE THERE?

PETTY THIEVES,
WIFE BEATERS.

WHY, WHAT WE GOT THERE
CAN'T BEGIN TO COMPARE

WITH WHAT YOU GOT--

TRAIN ROBBERS,
COUNTERFEITERS,

SMUGGLERS.

NOT TO EVEN MENTION
FOREIGN SPIES.

AND THEM ARE
MASTER CRIMINALS.

YES, SIREE!

WHY, OUR WHOLE STOCK OF WANTEDS
DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE

TO ONE
OF YOUR PRETTY BOY FLOYDS.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT
OF IT THAT WAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SAY, TALBOTT,

NOW, UH, I WANT TO
BE FAIR ABOUT THIS.

I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'LL DO.

I'LL TRADE YOU
TWO WIFE BEATERS
FOR ONE SMUGGLER.

MAKE IT THREE.
THREE?!

AND THROW IN ONE
OF THEM MOONSHINERS.

THEN YOU THROW IN
A COUNTERFEITER!
NO DEAL.

OH, GO ON BACK
TO YOUR STAMP CAGE.

AND SHINE UP
YOUR LITTLE TIN BADGE.

OH, YOU CLERK!

HEY, NOW!
SIMMER DOWN THERE, BOYS.

IT'S A FINE THING

WHEN TWO GOVERNMENT
AGENCIES CAN'T COOPERATE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU BOTH CAN'T LOOK

AT YOUR BULLETIN
BOARDS WITH PRIDE

AND COUNT YOUR
BLESSINGS.

[ HORN BLARING
"MY DOG HAS FLEAS" ]

WELL, LOOKIE YONDER.

REAL LIVE MUSICIANS.

I BETTER GET BACK
TO THE POST OFFICE.

I MIGHT PICK UP SOME
MONEY-ORDER BUSINESS.

"BOBBY FLEET AND HIS
BAND WITH A BEAT."

DID YOU EVER
HEAR OF THEM?

NO. NO, THE ONLY BAND
THAT EVER COME THROUGH HERE

WAS THAT ONE-MAN BAND
FROM ALTOONA.

YOU REMEMBER?
YEAH, I REMEMBER.

WASN'T THAT THE FELLOW
THAT GOT ALL MIXED UP

AND ALMOST
POPPED HIS EYES OUT

BLOWING THROUGH THE
WRONG END OF A CLARINET?

SAY, LET'S GO SEE
IF THESE FELLOWS

ARE GONNA DO
THEIR BEATING IN MAYBERRY.

YEAH, THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA.

THEY'LL PROBABLY NEED
POLICE COOPERATION

HANDLING CROWDS,
PARKING, AND
SUCH AS THAT.

THANKS, BABY DOLL.
HA HA HA! HERE YOU ARE.

NEVER MIND, HONEY.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS,
WHO ORDERED A CLEAN GLASS?

HONEY,
COULD YOU RUSTLE UP

A LITTLE SOMETHING
LIKE EVEN A MENU?

WE WANT TO BE OUT OF HERE
AT LEAST BY JUDGMENT DAY.

[ MEN LAUGHING ]

HERE, TAKE
YOUR WATER.

HOWDY. YOU FELLAS
GONNA BE PLAYING

SOMEWHERE AROUND TOWN?

TOWN? DID YOU HEAR
THAT, FELLAS?

THIS IS A TOWN.

[ MEN LAUGHING ]

YEAH, IT'S THE
TOWN OF MAYBERRY

AND I'M SHERIFF TAYLOR.

WELL, GLAD TO KNOW YOU,
SHERIFF.

HEY, WHAT'S
ON THE FLIP SIDE?

"IF LOST, PLEASE RETURN
TO WYATT EARP."

[ MEN LAUGHING HARDER ]

[ ANDY CHUCKLING ]

YEAH, THAT WAS
PRETTY GOOD.

HOW LONG WAS IT YOU SAID
YOU'S GONNA BE STAYING?

IF WE DON'T GET
SOME SERVICE SOON...

WELL, HERE SHE COMES--

THE CANNONBALL EXPRESS.

AH, YOU GORGEOUS HUNK
OF FEMININE PULCHRITUDE,

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE
OUR NEW CHAMPAGNE LADY?

ARE YOU FELLAS REALLY
LOOKING FOR TALENT?

BECAUSE IF YOU ARE...

DON'T TELL ME.

YOU GOT SOMEBODY
RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY.

YEAH, WE HAVE.

JIM LINDSAY'S HIS NAME.

SORRY, HIRAM.
GOT TO GO.

UH, HEY, HONEY,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WE'LL MAKE IT EASY
ON YOU.

WE'LL ALL HAVE
TODAY'S SPECIAL.

OKAY, FELLAS,
IF ONE GOES, WE ALL GO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, FELLAS?

IF THEY EVER HAD
A BEAUTY CONTEST IN THIS TOWN,

NOBODY WOULD WIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU WAS AWFUL
NICE TO THAT
SMART-ALECKY FELLER.

HE'S ONE OF THEM
JOKE CRACKERS.

WELL, IT'S A GOOD
THING HE DIDN'T
START IN ON ME.

I MIGHT HAVE JUST
HAD TO GIVE HIM A
BUNT IN THE CHOPPERS.

OH, NOW, BARNEY,
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.

I'M A MEAN MAN
WHEN I GET RILED.

TAKES SOME DOING
BUT YOU CAN BRING
OUT THE BEAR IN ME.

MUCH AS I DISLIKE
THAT FELLA,

I STILL WISH I COULD
GET HIM TO HEAR JIM.

JIM WOULD MAKE IT
IF HE HAD A CHANCE, YOU KNOW.

MY TEMPER'LL DO
ME IN ONE DAY.

TOO BAD THEY AIN'T
STAYING OVERNIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HUH?

HOW COME YOU RECKON

WE ALLOW THIS
CURIOUS-LOOKING OUTFIT HERE

TO PARK ON OUR MAIN STREET?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

BECAUSE WE GOT
A SIGN THERE

THAT SAYS "PARKING
ONE HOUR"?

WELL, YEAH,
BUT THE WAY I SEE IT

THAT MEANS PARKING
ONE HOUR FOR ONE CAR.

YEAH?

WELL, NOW, IT'S PLAIN
TO SEE THIS OUTFIT HERE

TAKES UP AS MUCH SPACE
AS TWO CARS.

YEAH. YEAH, IT DOES.

NOW, THE WAY I SEE IT

THIS HERE THING IS ONLY
ENTITLED TO A HALF A HOUR.

30 MINUTES FOR EACH END.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT
A FINE HEAD FOR A LAWMAN?

WELL...

NOW, HOW LONG YOU FIGURE
THEY'VE BEEN HERE?

WELL, IT WAS ABOUT
1:30 WHEN THEY COME.

WELL, IN JUST A LITTLE BIT,
THEY'LL BE VIOLATING THE LAW.

YEAH. YOU GONNA TURN
ME LOOSE ON THEM THEN?

IT'LL BE YOUR
RESPONSIBILITY.

NO, WE'LL JUST GO IN
QUIET-LIKE AND HAVE SOME COFFEE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT
KEEP AN EYE ON ME.

I'M DANGEROUS WHEN
I GET WORKED UP.

COME ON, TIGER.

GUILTY AS CHARGED.

THAT'LL BE $20
OR 24 HOURS IN JAIL.

20 FISH FOR A
CRUMMY PARKING RAP?!

WE TRY TO KEEP
IT LOW FOR THE
FIRST OFFENSE.

YEAH, AND HOW
MUCH OF THE 20
DO YOU STICK

IN YOUR OWN KICK?

OHH, I WISH
YOU HADN'T OF SAID THAT.

I MEAN, I DON'T MIND
A INSULT PERSONALLY

BUT, WHY, YOU'VE OFFENDED
THE DIGNITY OF MY ROBES.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

WHAT IS

OUR PRICE
FOR ROBE DIGNITY OFFENDING?

WHY, THAT'S $50.

$50?!

YEAH, PLUS THE 20.

THAT'S 70
ALL TOGETHER.

AW, COME ON, NOW!

LOOK, SHERIFF,
THERE'S NO REASON

TO GET HOT UNDER
THE COLLAR OVER THIS.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR JOB TO DO,
AND I'VE GOT MINE.

OH, THAT REMINDS ME.

WE'RE GOING TO BE PLAYING
IN THE CAPITOL

OVER THE WEEKEND.

NOW, HOW WOULD YOU
AND YOUR FINE DEPUTY HERE

LIKE TO COME AND SEE US, HUH?

I'LL SEE THAT
YOU HAVE A BIG TIME.

OH, YOU'LL BE
MY GUESTS, OF COURSE.

OH...

NOW, YOU HAVE
REALLY DONE IT.

WHAT? WHAT,
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!

WELL, YOU JUST TRIED
TO BRIBE ME IS ALL.

THAT'S THE WORST THING
ANYBODY CAN DO.

I HATE TO TELL YOU
WHAT THE FINE IS ON THAT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FINE IS.

I'M NOT GOING TO PAY IT.

OH, YOU MEAN
YOU'LL TAKE THE 24 HOURS?

THAT'S JUST
WHAT I MEAN.

NO HICK SHERIFF
IS GOING TO BLEED ME.

WE'LL ALL STAY OVERNIGHT.

THAT'S THE WAY IT'LL BE THEN.

DEPUTY, LOCK UP THE PRISONERS.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S
MOVE IT ALONG!

COME ON, ON THE
DOUBLE THERE!

COME ON, LET'S
LOOK SHARP!

LOOK, SHARP!

COME ON, GET IN THERE.

AND SUCK IN THAT GUT!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR BUS.

IT'LL BE FINE
RIGHT OUT ON THE STREET.

PRISONERS ALL LOCKED UP,
SHERIFF.

WANT ME TO WORK 'EM OVER?

YOU GO GET JIM LINDSAY

AND BRING HIS GUITAR
ALONG WITH HIM.

YEAH.

KIND OF NICE BEING PART
OF THE SHOW BUSINESS.

PA!

I'M HOME FROM SCHOOL, PA.

HI.

YOU SEEN MY PA?

HE'S THE SHERIFF.

YOU MEAN HE'S HUMAN
ENOUGH TO HAVE KIDS?

HUH?

NEVER MIND.

HE STEPPED OUT
FOR A MINUTE.

OH.

PA MUSTA ROUNDED UP A GANG.

YOU LOOK LIKE FROM THE CITY.

ARE YOU A CRIMINAL?

ACCORDING TO YOUR PA, I AM.

PA'S NEVER WRONG.

WHAT CRIME DID YOU DO, CRIMINAL?

YOUR OLD MAN
FRAMED THE WHOLE THING--

THE HICK TROUBLEMAKER.

OW!

OW, YOU...

WHAT IN THE WORLD'S GOIN' ON?

THAT KID'S A
LITTLE MONSTER.

HE CALLED YOU
A HICK TROUBLEMAKER

SO I KICKED HIM.

OPIE!

H-HE DIDN'T MEAN IT.

I DID, TOO!

NOW, OPIE, YOU HUSH THAT.

YOU GONNA HAVE HIM
NOT LIKIN' US.

WHAT DO WE WANT
A CRIMINAL
TO LIKE US FOR?

WELL, NEVER MIND.

YOU HURRY UP AND
GO ON HOME NOW.

HURRY UP.

SHERIFF,
SHERIFF...

JIM WOULDN'T COME.

HE SAYS HE AIN'T GOING
TO PLAY FOR A FELLER

THAT'S SETTIN' BEHIND BARS
AND FORCED TO LISTEN.

WELL, DON'T THAT
BEAT ANYTHING
YOU EVER HEARD OF?

IF HE WON'T
TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF THIS ONE CHANCE
IN A MILLION

I RECKON WE'LL JUST
HAVE TO DO IT FOR HIM.

DEPUTY FIFE,
I HEREBY AUTHORIZE YOU

TO ARREST JIM LINDSAY
AND HIS GUITAR WITH HIM.

YES, SIR.
OKAY.

WHAT'LL I ARREST HIM FOR?

DISTURBIN' THE PEACE.

OH, YEAH.
OKAY.

SUPPOSING HE AIN'T
DISTURBIN' THE PEACE?

HAUL HIM IN
FOR QUESTIONING.

QUESTIONING.
YEAH.

YEAH, QUESTIONING.

WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONING?

WE'LL FIGURE OUT SOME.

NOW, GO ON.

HERE HE IS, SHERIFF.

HE PUT UP A FUSS,
BUT I BROUGHT HIM.

OH, FINE WORK,
DEPUTY.

WELL, LOOK, ANDY,
MAKE HIM PUT THAT GUN AWAY.

HE'S LIABLE
TO HURT SOMEBODY.

I DON'T SEE
HOW HE CAN.

'TAIN'T GOT NO
BULLETS IN IT.

IT AIN'T?

OH, WELL,
THAT'S DIFFERENT.

NOW, NOW,
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU WAS STILL BROUGHT IN
BY A OFFICER OF THE LAW

FOR QUESTIONING.

QUESTIONING?

YEAH.

OH, THAT'S SILLY...

NOW, LOOKIE HERE, BOY.

I-IF YOU MAKE
ONE MORE MOVE

I'M GONNA HAVE
TO ARREST YOU
FOR RESISTING.

ANDY, I BELIEVE...

YOU MOVED.

LOCK HIM UP, DEPUTY.

COME ON, JIM.

OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

HEY, JIM, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MR. FLEET.

OH, YEAH, I SAW

HIS FANCY WAGON
OUTSIDE THERE.

LOOK, SHERIFF,
YOU HAULED ME IN

JUST TO BUG ME
WITH THIS KID--

YOU'RE WASTING
YOUR TIME.

WELL, DON'T GET YOUR FUR
TO FLYIN', MISTER.

I GOT NO INTENTIONS

OF PLAYIN' TO YOU
OR ANYBODY ELSE.

I'M IN NO MOOD
FOR A HILLBILLY CONCERT.

HILLBILLY CONCERT?

NOW, NOW, NOW,
GENTLEMEN...

QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET!

LET'S HOLD IT DOWN.

THIS IS A JAILHOUSE.

LET'S SHOW SOME RESPECT.

GO AHEAD, SHERIFF.

THANK YOU, DEPUTY.

GENTLEMEN,
ARE YOU IMPLYIN'

THAT A MAN IN MY OFFICE
WOULD STOOP TO TRICKERY?

THAT CUTS ME...

DEEP.

NOW, I ARRESTED YOU
ON A LEGAL PARKING CHARGE.

I ARRESTED PRISONER
LINDSAY HERE

ON A LEGAL
RESISTIN' CHARGE.

YOU SAW IT YOURSELF--

AIN'T THAT
RIGHT, DEPUTY?

RIGHT AS RAIN.

MATTER OF FACT,
I'M SHOCKED ANYONE

WOULD EVEN THINK
THAT SHERIFF TAYLOR HERE

WOULD STOOP SO LOW
AS TO USE HIS HIGH OFFICE

FOR ANYTHING AS SNEAKY
AS GETTIN' YOU TWO IN HERE

SO'S ONE COULD
HEAR THE OTHER.

I'M MORE THAN SHOCKED.
I'M OUTRAGED.

I APPRECIATE
THEM LOYAL WORDS, DEPUTY.

WELL, I MEANT 'EM,
SHERIFF.

WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU
GONNA PLAY, JIM?

AHA! I KNEW IT.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA
PLAY FOR ANYBODY.

WELL, I RECKON YOU KNOW
YOUR OWN MIND, JIM,

BUT IT SEEMS A SHAME

TO LET THIS FINE
GUITAR GO TO WASTE.

WHAT WAS THAT PIECE

YOU WAS PLAYIN'
THIS MORNING?

OH, HE WAS IN RARE
FORM, MR. FLEET.

YEAH, I'LL BET.

LOOK HERE, ANDY,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TRICK ME INTO PLAYIN'.

I SAID I WASN'T
GONNA PLAY AND I AIN'T.

NOW CAN WE GO?

COME ON, WE GOT

AN OVERNIGHT JUMP
TO MAKE.

HUSH A MINUTE.

HE SAID HE WASN'T
GONNA PLAY...

HUSH A MINUTE.

JIM, WOULD YOU TUNE
THIS THING FOR ME?

I AIN'T PLAYIN'.

WELL, I DON'T
WANT YOU TO PLAY--

JUST TUNE IT
SOCAN.

ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TUNE IT

BUT FROM THEN ON,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

OKAY.

[ DISSONANT STRUMMING ]

AW, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, SHERIFF,
YOU WERE RIGHT--

THIS KID IS DYNAMITE.

HEY, FELLAS,
YOU LISTENIN'?

GO ON, KID,
KEEP PLAYIN'.

AW, NAW,
IT CAN'T BE.

IS THAT A GUITAR
OR A HARP FROM HEAVEN?

[ MEN LAUGHING ]

GO AHEAD, KID,
KEEP LOOKIN'

FOR WHAT YOU'RE
LOOKIN' FOR.

GO ON, KEEP LOOKIN', KID.

YOU GOT IT.

IT'S THE KEY OF "S."
HE FOUND IT.

[ MEN LAUGHING ]

[ TUNED STRUMMING ]

[ ROCKABILLY BEAT ]

[ TRUMPET JOINS IN ]

THAT'S GREAT.

WELL, NOW, MR. FLEET,

THAT WASN'T
TOO BAD, WAS IT?

LOOKED LIKE YOU KINDA
ENJOYED YOURSELF THERE.

YEAH. YEAH!

YOU LIKE HIM?

WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY, UH,

I DIG HIM.

THAT'S NICE.

UH, TELL ME SOMETHING,
MR. FLEET,

IF-IF YOU WAS LOOKIN'
FOR A GUITAR PLAYER

AND IF JIM HERE
WAS AVAILABLE, UH

WOULD YOU HIRE HIM?

Fleet:
YEAH. I COULD ALWAYS
USE A GOOD GUITARIST.

THAT'S TOO BAD, JIM.

IF YOU WAS READY,
LOOK LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE A JOB.

UH, MR. FLEET,
UH, IF JIM WAS READY

ANDYOU WAS
TO HIRE HIM

ANDYOU WAS
READY TO TALK MONEY

WELL, THE MONEY...

NOW, JIM... YOU'RE
INTERRUPTIN' ME

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF MY IFFIN'.

WHAT I WAS
GONNA SAY IS, UH,

HOW MUCH YOU RECKON
YOU'D PAY HIM?

TO START?

OH, UH, 75,
MAYBE A HUNDRED A WEEK.

OH, THAT'S...

NOW THERE YOU'VE
INSULTED THE BOY.

HUH?

WHY, HE CAN'T WORK

FOR LITTLE BITTY MONEY
LIKE THAT.

HE CAN MAKE MORE
THAN THAT HERE

PLAYIN' AT CHURCH SOCIALS
AND OPENINGS OF FEED STORES.

WHAT ARE YOU, CHARLIE--

A SHERIFF OR AN AGENT?

OH, I'M JUST
JIM'S FRIEND.

I RECKON HE'LL HAVE
TO THINK ON IT

AND DECIDE AFTER THAT.

AND IN THE MEANTIME, THOUGH

UH, YOU DON'T CALL HIM,
HE'LL CALL YOU.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT JUST A DOGGONE MINUTE
HERE, EVERYBODY.

NOW, YOU TWO'VE BEEN
TALKIN' OVER ME

LIKE A SPAVINE HORSE
ON AN AUCTION BLOCK.

I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

LOOK, MR. FLEET,

NOW, I DON'T RIGHTLY
CARE ABOUT THE MONEY

RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT

BUT THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IS

AM I GOOD ENOUGH
FOR YOUR BAND?

IF I AM, THEN
YOU JUST SAY SO

AND THEN WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THE MONEY AFTERWARDS.

NOW, LET'S TAKE
FIRST THINGS FIRST.

DO I GET THAT JOB WITH
YOUR BAND OR DON'T I?

YEAH, KID. I SAID
I'D TAKE YOU ON.

WELL, I'D BE OBLIGED TO YOU.

GET YOUR STUFF AND BE
AT THE CAR IN 15 MINUTES.

YES, SIR.

LET'S GO, BOYS.

SO LONG, SHERIFF.

SAY HELLO TO TONTO.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL SEE YOU, BOYS.

IT WAS REAL NICE
HAVIN' YOU.

COME BACK
WHEN YOU CAN.

ANDY, I DON'T KNOW...

I WOULDN'T WASTE
MUCH TIME TALKIN'.

YOU AIN'T GOT
BUT 15 MINUTES.

YOU BETTER GET
YOUR STUFF TOGETHER.

HE SAID HE WAS LEAVIN'.

YES, SIR.

I'M GOIN' WITH HIM.

HEY, JIM, ONE THING
ABOUT THIS FELLA FLEET--

YEAH?

UH, HE DIGS YOU.

SO YOU BE NICE
AND DIG HIM BACK, YOU HEAR?

YEAH, I'M GLAD
THINGS WORKED OUT

THE WAY THEY DID,
MR. FLEET.

YEP, WHO EXPECTED TO FIND
A TALENTED KID LIKE HIM HERE?

OH, WE GOT A LOT OF TALENTED
PEOPLE IN MAYBERRY.

YEAH, WE GOT A HARMONICA PLAYER
FOLKS THINK IS PRETTY GOOD.

HOW 'BOUT THAT?

YEAH, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HEAR HIM?

OH, NO, IT MIGHT BE
TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

OH, NO TROUBLE
AT ALL.

[ PLAYING
"JINGLE BELLS" ]

BARNEY, I DON'T THINK
HE DIGS YOU.