The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 12 - Stranger in Town - full transcript

YES, SIR, I'D DO THINGS
A LOT DIFFERENT

IF I WAS RUNNING THINGS
DOWN IN WASHINGTON, I WOULD.

A LOT DIFFERENT.

YOU KNOW,
I GOT A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

OF WHAT I'D DO
IF I WAS PRESIDENT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'D DO
IF I WAS PRESIDENT?

MR. PRESIDENT, IS IT ALL RIGHT
IF I SCRATCH MY NOSE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'D DO
IF I WAS PRESIDENT.

FOR ONE THING,

I'D MOVE MY OFFICE
OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

A MAN CAN'T WORK AND LIVE
IN THE SAME PLACE, I SAY.



FLOYD.

I TRIED LIVING RIGHT HERE
IN BACK OF THE SHOP ONCE.

WELL, IT WAS NO GOOD.

THE OLD LADY YAMMERING
ON THE PHONE,

COOKING SMELLS COMING OUT
OF THE WALLS.

IT WAS BAD
FOR BUSINESS.

FLOYD, YOU AIN'T
GETTIN' THEM SIDEBURNS

TOO SHORT, ARE YOU?

NOW, JUST SUPPOSE
THAT I AM THE PRESIDENT

AND I'M HAVING A MEETIN'
WITH THE PRIME MINISTER

OR MAYBE ONE OF THEM KINGS
FROM THE OLD COUNTRY.

AND MY OLD LADY,
SHE COMES BUSTIN' IN.

SHE SAYS, "FLOYD,
WHAT YOU WANT FOR SUPPER,

PORK ROAST OR HOG JOWLS?"



I BELIEVE HE'S GOT THE LEFT ONE
A LITTLE SHORT, BARNEY.

THE LEFT ONE AIN'T SHORT.
THE RIGHT ONE'S TOO LONG.

FLOYD, IF YOU'D STAY
OUT OF WASHINGTON

AND STICK TO YOUR BARBERIN',

I MIGHT GET
A BETTER HAIRCUT.

WHAT'D YOU DO
WITH MY SIDEBURNS?

HOWDY, BOYS.

YOU GOT THE LEFT ONE
SHORT, FLOYD.

NO, LEFT ONE'S ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT ONE'S TOO LONG.

OH, ANDY, YOU TELL ME.

HOW DO THESE SIDEBURNS
LOOK TO YOU?

WHAT SIDEBURNS?

DOGGONE, I KNEW IT.
YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.

YOU'RE CLIPPER-HAPPY.

WHAT ARE YOU
FUSSING ABOUT?

MY SIDEBURNS.
WHERE ARE THEY?

ARE THEY ON THE SIDE
OR THEY ON THE TOP?

NEITHER PLACE.

THEY'RE RIGHT HERE
ON THE FLOOR.

FLOYD, I TOLD YOU.
I SAID I JUST WANTED A TRIM.

AND YOU CLIPPED THE DAYLIGHTS
OUT OF ME, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

WELL, NOW, WE'LL JUST
FIX YOU RIGHT UP.

LET ME HAVE
THEM SHEARS THERE, FLOYD.

WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO, ANDY?

WELL, NOW, YOU SEE,
WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO--

YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO MAKE THEM SIDEBURNS

COME UP EVEN
WITH THE HOLE IN HIS EAR.

YOU SEE THAT RIGHT THERE?

NEXT TIME, WHAT YOU DO,

YOU STICK YOUR FINGER
IN HIS EAR FOR A GUIDE.

SIT DOWN RIGHT OVER THERE.
I'LL SHOW YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO, ANDY?

I'M JUST GONNA EVEN UP
THEM SIDEBURNS.

NO. YOU'RE NO BARBER.

FLOYD AIN'T NEITHER,
BUT YOU LET HIM.

STOP IT, ANDY.

THIS AIN'T GONNA HURT.

THERE SHE IS.

NOW, HOW'S THAT LOOK
TO EVERYBODY?

THE LEFT ONE'S STILL
A WEE MITE SHORT, ANDY.

DO YOU SEE THERE?

THE RIGHT ONE'S WAY SHORT,
I'D SAY.

WE'LL FIX THAT SCOUNDREL.
HOLD STILL NOW.

NOW, NOW.

THERE SHE IS.

NOW, FLOYD,
HOW'S THAT LOOK TO YOU?

IS HE STILL IN THE CHAIR?

THERE. THERE.
NOW YOU KNOW.

HE'S BLIND AS AN OWL.

I DON'T CUT FROM HERE.
I CUT FROM THERE.

NEXT TIME I WANT A HAIRCUT,

I'M GONNA STICK MY HEAD
IN A PENCIL SHARPENER.

AND IT'LL FIT, TOO.

OH, BLOW IT OUT
OF YOUR EAR.

OH, NOW, BARNEY,
DON'T GET SO UPSET.

THIS IS JUST
A FRIENDLY COMMUNITY HAIRCUT.

NOW, YOU JUST
LET THEM SIDEBURNS GROW,

AND INSIDE OF A MONTH

YOU'LL LOOK LIKE ONE
OF THEM BULLFIGHTING FELLAS.

[ HORN HONKS ]

MUST BE THE BUS UP NORTH
COMING IN.

YEAH. MUST BE.

A STRANGER JUST GOT OFF.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S
HEADED THIS WAY.

LET ME JUST GET THIS
LITTLE PIKE'S PEAK RIGHT HERE.

DO YOU WANT ANYTHING
ON YOUR HEAD?

YEAH, HAIR.

HI.

HELLO, ANDY.

FLOYD.

HOWDY.

WHAT YOU DOING?

OH, WE WAS JUST GIVING
BARNEY A HAIRCUT.

WELL, MAKE IT A GOOD ONE.

DEPUTY SHERIFF'S
GOT TO LOOK NEAT.

HOW'S YOUR RHEUMATISM, FLOYD?

USUALLY ACTS UP
ABOUT THIS TIME OF YEAR.

HUH? OH, YES, IT DOES.

WELL, I HOPE
YOU FEEL BETTER

SO YOU CAN THROW
A FEW HORSESHOES.

WELL, SEE YOU LATER.

OH, SAY HELLO TO OPIE
AND AUNT BEE FOR ME, ANDY.

ANYBODY KNOW THAT FELLA?

NOT ME.

I NEVER SEEN HIM
IN MY LIFE.

HOW DID HE KNOW
ABOUT MY RHEUMATISM?

YEAH, AND HOW DID HE
KNOW I WAS A DEPUTY

WHEN I WAS COVERED UP
WITH THIS SHEET?

WELL, THAT'S PECULIAR,
AIN'T IT?

MIGHTY PECULIAR.

I'M A RIGHT MIND
TO FOLLOW HIM AWAYS.

I'M GOING WITH YOU,
ANDY.

HERE YOU ARE, FLOYD.
GO BUY A BARBER BOOK.

OH, HELLO, MRS. BUNTLEY.

HELLO.

MY, YOUR TWINS
CERTAINLY ARE CUTE.

THANK YOU.

LITTLE ROBERT THERE
IS SLEEPING JUST FINE,

BUT WILLIAM IS WIDE AWAKE,
THE LITTLE RASCAL.

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE'S ROBERT
AND WHICH IS WILLIAM?

UH-HUH.

WILLIAM HAS A LITTLE MOLE
ON HIS RIGHT EAR, RIGHT?

YES.

GOOD DAY, MRS. BUNTLEY.

NOW, HOW DID HE...?

OH, MY, I...

ANDY, THAT FELLA,
HE KNEW WHICH ONE HAD...

I KNOW.

IT GETS MORE PECULIAR
ALL THE TIME.

WELL, HOWDY, STRANGER.
YOU WANT A ROOM?

SURE DO.

SIGN HERE.

THERE YOU ARE.

209, JUST UP THE STAIRS...

209?

THE ONE WILBUR HENNESSEY
GOT DRUNK IN

AND FELL OUT
THE WINDOW?

WELL, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

HMM...GIVE ME 216.

NOT THAT GREEN
IS MY FAVORITE COLOR,

BUT AT LEAST IT'S
BEEN FRESHLY PAINTED.

ALL RIGHT, STRANGER,
YOU CAN HAVE 216.

SEE YOU LATER, JASON.

SHERIFF, UH,
ED SAWYER, NEW YORK.

MEAN ANYTHING
TO ANYBODY?

MIGHTY PECULIAR

HAVING A PERFECT STRANGER
KNOWING ALL ABOUT YOU.

KIND OF SCARY-LIKE.

JUST AIN'T NATURAL.

LET ME GO UP AND ASK HIM
A FEW QUESTIONS, ANDY.

NO. WE BETTER
WAIT ON THAT.

CAN'T TRUST A FELLA LIKE THAT,
NO, SIRREE.

NO, HE KNOWS
TOO MUCH.

WISH YOU'D GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES
ALONE WITH HIM.

ANDY, YOU'RE
THE SHERIFF.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
ABOUT THAT SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER?

AS LONG AS HE AIN'T DONE
NOTHING OUTSIDE THE LAW,

I AIN'T GONNA
DO NOTHING.

WELL, I'D SURE LIKE TO GO UP
AND TALK TO HIM.

THAT FELLA SURE GIVES
A BODY THE CREEPS.

I SAW A SHOW ONCE
ON TELEVISION

WHERE A STRANGER KNEW ALL ABOUT
ALL THE FOLKS IN THE TOWN,

AND YOU KNOW
HOW IT TURNED OUT?

THE STRANGER WAS NOT
A LIVING BEING.

HE WAS SOMETHING
FROM THE SUPERNATURAL WORLD.

YOU GOING UP
AND TALK TO HIM, BARNEY?

HUH?

NO. I MEAN...

WELL, WHAT'S THE HURRY?

THE MAN
AIN'T DONE NOTHING.

JUST LEAVE HIM BE.

RIGHT, SHERIFF?

RIGHT, DEPUTY.

WELL, COME ON.
BREAK IT UP.

LET'S GET MOVIN' HERE.

HI, JASON.

I'M GOING OUT
FOR A LITTLE WALK.

IF ANYONE SHOULD CALL ME,

I'LL BE BACK
IN ABOUT AN HOUR, OKAY?

OKAY.

SEE YOU LATER, JASON.

SO LONG, BARNEY.

WHO DO YOU FIGURE HIM
TO BE, BARNEY?

I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW YET.

I'M GONNA KEEP
MY EYE ON HIM.

WHAT'S HIS ROOM
NUMBER AGAIN?

216.

216, HUH?

WELL, MR. SAWYER,

I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
A LOOK AROUND YOUR ROOM.

AAAH!

OH, HOWDY, BARNEY.

OH, HI, ANDY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK THERE?

HUH? OH, NOTHING.

I JUST STOPPED BY
TO TALK TO JASON.

WELL, WHAT'S IN THERE?

IN WHERE?

IN THAT BOX THERE.

OH, IN THERE?

NOTHING IN THERE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU GOT
YOUR HAND IN THERE FOR?

OH, I JUST COME BY
EVERY SO OFTEN

AND STICK MY HAND IN.

YOU DO?

MM-HMM. SEE, SOMETIMES I DO IT
WITH BOTH HANDS. LOOKY HERE.

[ SNAP ]

AAAH!

WELL, BARNEY...

OFF. OFF. OFF.
JUST GET THEM OFF OF ME.

WHAT IN THE WORLD...?

OFF!

ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHS ]

YOU DON'T TRUST ANYBODY,
DO YOU, JASON?

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, DAD BURN IT, GEORGE,

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH A STRANGER

TRYING TO BUY
YOUR SERVICE STATION?

IT'S FOR SALE,
AIN'T IT?

WHAT IF HE IS
A LITTLE BIT PECULIAR?

WHAT'S THAT GOT
TO DO WITH IT?

YOU JUST CALL ME

IF HE TRIES TO GIVE YOU
ANY PECULIAR MONEY.

YEAH, BYE, GEORGE.

WHO'S PECULIAR, PA?

OH, I RECKON
EVERYBODY IS A LITTLE BIT.

I'M PART PECULIAR, PA.

YEAH.
HOW'D YOU FIND THAT OUT?

WELL, TODAY,
MY TEACHER, SHE SAID TO ME

DID I WASH MY NECK THIS MORNING,
AND I SAID I DID,

AND SHE TOOK A LOOK
AND THEN SHE SAID,

"WELL, IT LOOKS MIGHTY PECULIAR
TO ME."

YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?

MM-HMM. IT MEANS "DIRTY."

NO. NO, IT DON'T.

IT MEANS,
"STRANGE" OR "ODD."

LET ME SEE.

HUH, THAT IS PECULIAR.

YOU BETTER GO HOME
AND WASH YOUR NECK.

OKAY, PA.

HI, BARNEY.
HOWDY, BARNEY.

ANDY, I GOT
TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
IT'S ABOUT THIS STRANGER.

WELL, WHAT'D HE DO?

HE SEEN ME COMING
DOWN THE STREET TOWARDS HIM,

AND HE SHOVED HIS HAND
IN HIS POCKET REAL FAST.

YOU RECKON
HE'S GOT A GUN?

OH, NO.
I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, HE'S ACTING MIGHTY
STRANGE, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

AND HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT US?

I DON'T KNOW.

AND WHO IS HE?
WHAT IS HE?

MAYBE WE OUGHT
TO RUN HIM OUT OF TOWN.

BARNEY, IF I WAS TO RUN
EVERYBODY OUT OF TOWN

THAT ACTED A
LITTLE BIT STRANGE,

I'D WIND UP EMPTYING
THE WHOLE TOWN.

MIGHT HAVE TO REACH
AROUND AND GET A GOOD HOLD

ON THE SEAT
OF MY OWN BRITCHES.

HOW LONG DO YOU
SUPPOSE

HE'S BEEN SPYING
ON US?

SAY, DO YOU RECKON

HE COULD BE
A FOREIGN SPY?

OH, HE DON'T SOUND
FOREIGN TO ME.

YEAH, WELL, THEY LEARN
TO TALK BETTER

THAN ANY OF US.

REMEMBER TOKYO ROSE?

THIS BOY AIN'T
TOKYO ROSE.

I KNOW THAT.
BUT WHO IS HE?

BOY, IF HE IS
A FOREIGN SPY

I'D SURE LIKE TO BE
THE ONE TO TRAP HIM.

I KNOW JUST HOW
TO DO IT, TOO.

OH, YOU DO, DO YOU?

YOU BETTER JUST BE
CAREFUL ABOUT...

HI, ANDY.

WELL, MR. SAWYER.

HOW ARE YOU,
STRANGER?

YOU KNOW BARNEY
HERE, OF COURSE.

OH, SURE.
HIYA, BARNEY.

SPRECHEN SIE DEUTSCH?

UH, NOTHING. NOTHING.

I'LL SEE YOU
LATER, ANDY.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

OH, NOTHING.

JUST BARNEY'S WAY

OF TRYING TO FIND OUT
SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

WE DON'T NONE OF US
KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU.

NO. I GUESS YOU DON'T.

UH, I, UH, I UNDERSTAND

YOU WANT TO BUY
GEORGE SAPPERLY'S GAS STATION.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I CAME OVER TO SEE YOU ABOUT.

WHEN WE DRAW UP THE PAPERS,
WOULD YOU BE A WITNESS FOR ME?

I'D APPRECIATE IT.

OH, YEAH.
I GUESS I COULD DO THAT.

THANKS, ANDY.
THANKS A LOT.

UH...

YOU, UH...

YOU FIGURE
THAT WILL BE

A GOOD DEAL
FOR YOU, DO YOU?

OH, YEAH.

HE'S LET IT RUN DOWN
A LITTLE,

BUT I
CAN FIX IT UP FINE.

WELL, SO LONG, ANDY.

UH, UH...

AM I RIGHT, OR
OR, OR WRONG?

YOU NEVER HAVE BEEN

IN MAYBERRY BEFORE,
HAVE YOU?

NO, NEVER.

BUT YOU FIGURE
TO BE HAPPY HERE?

ARE YOU KIDDING?
WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?

OH, UH, I DON'T KNOW.

WHY SHOULD YOU BE?

WHY, BECAUSE MAYBERRY'S
MY HOMETOWN.

SO LONG, ANDY.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

CURIOUS, CURIOUS, CURIOUS.

BAD NEWS.

BAD, BAD NEWS EVERYWHERE.

DIDN'T HAVE NO RAIN
LAST SUMMER

AND THAT HURT THE CROPS,

AND NOW I SEE
WHERE THERE'S A EARLY FROST

AS HAS HURT THE PEACH CROP
THIS YEAR.

[ CLICKS TONGUE ]

AIN'T THAT A SHAME
IN THIS WORLD?

AIN'T THAT A SHAME
IN THIS WORLD?

WELL, NOW, THERE'S
SOME GOOD NEWS.

OLD MAN JOE MacKNIGHT
CELEBRATES HIS 103rd BIRTHDAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT, HUH?

"REPORTERS ASKED HIM WHAT ADVICE
HE COULD GIVE TO THE YOUNG FOLKS

"FOR A LONG, HAPPY,
AND VIGOROUS LIFE.

"OLD JOE RAISED UP,
LEANED FORWARD, SMILED,

AND THEN FELL BACK
TO SLEEP AGAIN."

ANDY...
NEXT!

YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP, FLOYD.

WE'RE A WHOLE LOT SAFER
THAT WAY.

WHAT IS IT, BARNEY?

MAYBE YOU'LL FINALLY
DO SOMETHING.

WE GOT HIM NOW.
HUH?

WELL, I GUESS THIS
OUGHT TO DO IT FOR YOU

FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL.

HE FINALLY
OVERPLAYED
HIS HAND.

YOU GONNA
DO SOMETHING?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, BARNEY?

WH-WH-WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO?

I'M TALKING ABOUT ED SAWYER.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU GONNA DO
SOMETHING OR
AIN'T YOU?

WE OUGHT TO MOVE
IN RIGHT NOW.

WELL, WHAT'D HE DO?

WHAT'D HE DO?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE DID.

HE'S BEEN HANGING AROUND
LUCY MATTHEWS' HOUSE.

AND?

AND HE RANG HER DOORBELL.

SO?

SO, NOW'S THE TIME
TO ARREST HIM

AND BRING THIS DANGEROUS FELLER
IN FOR QUESTIONING.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU

GONNA ARREST
THIS DANGEROUS FELLA FOR?

WHAT FOR?
WELL, FOR RINGING HER DOORBELL.

BARNEY, YOU CAN'T ARREST HIM
FOR RINGING HER DOORBELL.

I CAN'T?!

WELL, LAST HALLOWEEN

I DRUG
THREE 12-YEAR-OLD BOYS IN.

OH, BARNEY.

AND THIS FELLER AIN'T EVEN GOT

THE EXCUSE OF TRICK-OR-TREAT.

I ADMIT HE'S A CURIOUS ONE

AND I WONDER ABOUT HIM
A WHOLE LOT,

BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

I RECKON WE'LL FIND OUT
SOMETHING 'BOUT HIM BY AND BY.

YEAH, WELL,
I STILL SAY

THERE'S A WAY
OF TRAPPING HIM.

AND I STILL THINK
HE'S SOME KIND OF A SPY.

OH, YOU DO?

YES, I DO.

AND YOU FIGURE SOMEBODY HERE
IN TOWN IS HIS CONTACT

AND MAYBE BETWEEN 'EM

THEY'RE TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT

SOME OF OUR SECRETS,

LIKE HOW WE MAKE
POSSUM PIE

OR HOW WE MAKE
TURNIP JAM?

LAW! YOU DON'T RECKON
HE'S HERE SNOOPING 'ROUND

TRYING TO FIND OUT
HOW WE MAKE FRIED CHICKEN

AND JOHNNYCAKE,
DO YOU?

GO AHEAD, MAKE,
MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT.

WELL, BARNEY,
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

[ MOANING ]

OH, WE BETTER
GET OUT OF HERE.

WE'RE DISTURBING FLOYD.

NEXT!

JUST A FLY, A FLY.

OH.

I WISH YOU'D STOP

MESSING AROUND AND
TEND TO BUSINESS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
WE DON'T JUST RUN HIM IN.

HE AIN'T DONE
NARY A THING.

I STILL SAY
HE'S A SPY.

Ed: ANDY!

WELL, MR. SAWYER,
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, BARNEY?

HABLA USTED
ESPANOLY?

WHAT?

NOTHING.

HE'S KINDA KOOKY,
ISN'T HE?

YEAH, A LITTLE BIT,
BUT HE'S NICE.

SAY, ANDY, I WONDER IF
YOU COULD DO ME A FAVOR.

WELL, IF I CAN.

COME ON IN HERE
IN THE COURTHOUSE

AND TELL ME ABOUT IT.

LET ME GET
YOU A CHAIR

AND YOU CAN TELL ME
WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU.

WELL, YOU, UH...

YOU KNOW LUCY MATTHEWS,
DON'T YOU?

YEAH. I UNDERSTAND YOU BEEN
CALLING ON HER A LITTLE BIT.

I SPOKE TO HER
ON THE PHONE,

BUT SHE WON'T HAVE
ANY PART OF ME,

AND I CAN'T GET HER
TO ANSWER THE DOOR.

WON'T, HUH?

SHE'S PRETTY, ISN'T SHE?

SHE'S NICE, TOO,

ISN'T SHE?

YEAH.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

I LOVE HER.

Y-Y-YOU LOVE HER?

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HER?

NO.

BUT YOU LOVE HER?

YEAH.

YOU BELIEVE FOLKS WILL EVER
FLY TO THE MOON?

SURE.
I'M GOING THERE MYSELF SOMEDAY.

BOY, YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.

NOW, WHAT, UH, WHAT WAS IT

YOU WANTED ME TO DO
ABOUT YOU AND LUCY?

WELL, SINCE
YOU KNOW HER...

[ DOOR OPENS ]

SHERIFF, I'VE COME
TO FILE A COMPLAINT.

OH, HELLO, LUCY.

LUCY!

LUCY MATTHEWS.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE

I EXPECTED.

Lucy: SHERIFF?

ED, DON'T YOU THINK

IT MIGHT BE
A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

IF I WAS
TO INTRODUCE YOU?

THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.

I KNOW
EVERYTHING
ABOUT HER.

YOU DO?

YOU WERE VALEDICTORIAN
OF YOUR CLASS,

BLUE'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR,
YOU LOVE TO DANCE,

YOU LIKE HOT
FUDGE SUNDAES,

YOU'RE A CAPRICORN,
AND I'M JUST WARMING UP.

UH, I WOULDN'T GET
MUCH WARMER THERE, ED.

I MIGHT HAVE
TO RUN YOU IN.

I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN
ANYBODY COULD KNOW YOU.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
BEFORE IN MY LIFE,

AND I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.

I KNOW HE IS.

NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP RINGING MY DOORBELL?

LUCY!

WHAT DID I DO?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU'LL HAVE TO ADMIT

THAT WAS KIND OF
A UNUSUAL MEETIN'.

YOU DON'T THINK
I WAS TOO FORWARD
THE FIRST TIME?

"FORWARD?" WHY, NO.

WHY, I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T ASK HER

TO MARRY YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, BOY?

YOU SHY,
OR SOMETHING?

I-I GUESS
I SCARED HER.

WELL, NOW,
IN A WAY, I'D SAY,

YES, YOU DID SCARE HER
JUST THE LEAST LITTLE BIT.

YOU'VE SCARED A RIGHT MANY
PEOPLE AROUND HERE.

GEORGE SAPPERLY...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU SCARED HIM OUT OF
SELLING YOU THAT GAS STATION.

BUT IT'S FOR SALE.
HE SAID THAT...

I-IT'S FOR SALE

BUT NOT TO YOU.

OH.

IT DIDN'T WORK.

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

IT JUST DIDN'T WORK.

WELL, WHAT DIDN'T WORK?

NOW, YOU'RE LEAVING OUT
A RIGHT GOOD PART OF IT THERE.

WHY DON'T YOU START
RIGHT AT THE VERY BEGINNING

AND TELL ME EVERYTHING
ABOUT WHAT DIDN'T WORK.

WELL, I-IT MAY
SOUND KINDA SILLY

BUT, BUT HERE GOES.

DO YOU REMEMBER
JOE LARSON?

YEAH, YEAH,
PETE AND EDIE LARSON'S BOY.

JOINED THE ARMY
'BOUT FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND
WHEN I DID MY HITCH

I WAS HIS BUDDY.

OH, I USED TO
ENVY JOE LARSON.

HOW COME?

'CAUSE HE WAS FROM HERE

AND, AND I WAS FROM NO PLACE.

WELL, NOW,
NOBODY'S FROM NO PLACE.

OH, LIVING ALONE, HOTEL,
NO FAMILY--

THAT'S LIKE BEING NO PLACE.

ANYWAY, I USED TO READ
JOE'S HOMETOWN PAPER.

READ IT EVERY WEEK.

UH-HUH.

A-AND I USED TO LISTEN
TO JOE TELL ABOUT THE PLACE

AND, WELL, WHEN I GOT
BACK TO NEW YORK

AT THE HOTEL
I LIVED IN,

I KEPT ON SUBSCRIBING
TO THE PAPER.

I LEARNED EVERYTHING THERE WAS
TO KNOW ABOUT MAYBERRY.

PRETTY SOON

I STARTED TELLING PEOPLE
THAT I CAME FROM HERE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I STARTED BELIEVING IT MYSELF.

YOU DID?

YEAH.

AND WHEN I READ

GEORGE SAPPERLY'S
GAS STATION WAS FOR SALE,

I FIGURED THE TIME HAD COME

FOR ME TO MAKE MY MOVE
TO MAYBERRY--

MY...HOMETOWN.

HUH!

WELL, HOW COME
YOU DIDN'T TELL US THAT

WHEN YOU FIRST GOT HERE?

OH, GUESS I WAS AWFUL STUPID.

NO, NOW, NO,
Y-YOU'RE NOT STUPID.

A LITTLE BIT OVERANXIOUS MAYBE.

YOU LIKE THE TOWN.

YOU LIKE THAT LITTLE GIRL.

BUT YOU GOT TO GIVE THEM TIME,
YOU SEE,

TO LIKE YOU BACK.

YEAH.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

YES, SIRREE.

FOLKS LIKE
TO TAKE THINGS SLOW.

SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN
HOLD HANDS IN PUBLIC

TILL THEY'VE HAD THEIR SEVENTH
OR EIGHTH YOUNG'UN.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE TRUTH?

THIS WOULD MAKE

A RIGHT GOOD PIECE
FOR OUR PAPER.

OH, ANDY, I DON'T...

YES, YES, IT WOULD.

FOLKS WOULD READ ABOUT YOU,
AND THEY'D GET TO SEE

THAT YOU'RE JUST LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE

AND THAT,
THAT YOU AIN'T A SPOOK

NOR A FOREIGN SPY,
NOR NOTHING.

YOU REALLY THINK
IT WOULD WORK?

YES, SIRREE.

I'LL JUST CALL THE PAPER
AND TELL THEM 'BOUT IT,

AND THEY'LL PRINT IT.

YES, SIR.
EXACTLY WHAT I'LL DO.

NOW, YOU GO ON
BACK TO THE HOTEL

AND DON'T WORRY
NARY A BIT.

OKAY, I-I'LL BE
AT THE HOTEL.

ALL RIGHT.

I-I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO CALL.

ALL RIGHT.

UH, SARA...?

ME.

UH, S-SARA, GET ME THE PAPER.

I GOT A STORY

'BOUT THAT STRANGER
THAT'S IN TOWN

THAT YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT.

WHAT?

YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU'RE
PROVOKED WITH HIM?

HE KNOWS YOU TAKE

A PINCH OF SNUFF NOW AND THEN,
DOES HE?

WAIT TILL YOU FIND OUT HOW COME
HE KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT US.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

YOU SEE, WHAT --

WAIT A MINUTE, SARA.

I HEAR A LITTLE SCUFFLING
OUTSIDE THE JAIL HERE.

LET ME --
LET ME CALL YOU BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU
LEAVE HIM ALONE?

MAYBE HE'D JUST
LIKE TO GO HOME!

YEAH, ALL THE WAY HOME
WHERE HE COME FROM!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

Andy:
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT IN THE WORLD
ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO DO?

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, BILL?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO FIGHT HIM FOR?

HE AIN'T DONE
NOTHING TO YOU.

HE'S BEEN
BOTHERING LUCY.

Andy:
HE AIN'T BEEN
BOTHERING YOU

OR YOUR SISTER LUCY,
OR ANYBODY ELSE.

I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE TRYING TO FIGHT HIM.

I KNOW WHY EVERYBODY HERE
WANTS TO FIGHT HIM.

YOU'RE JUST LETTING
BILL MATTHEWS DO IT FOR YOU.

YOU'RE ALL TRYING
TO RUN THIS BOY OUTTA TOWN.

DON'T, ANDY.
JUST LET ME GO.

NO, I'M BOUND TO SAY THIS

AND THEY'RE BOUND
TO LISTEN, TOO.

NOW, WHAT'S HIS BIG CRIME?

WHAT'S THIS BOY DONE TO MAKE
ALL OF YOU SO MAD AT HIM?

NOTHING.
NOT NAR' A THING.

HE JUST PICKED MAYBERRY TO BE
HIS HOMETOWN, THAT'S ALL.

JUST PICKED IT RIGHT OUT.

PICKED IT RIGHT OUT.

AND HOW COME HE KNOWS
SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYBODY?

HE'D BEEN TAKING
OUR HOMETOWN PAPER BY MAIL.

BEEN READING
AND STUDYING UP
ON EVERYBODY.

AND THEN HE DECIDED HE WANTED
TO COME HERE AND LIVE

FIT IN, AND ACT
LIKE ONE OF YOU.

HIS ONLY CRIME WAS HE TRIED
TO FIT IN A LITTLE TOO FAST.

GOT OVERANXIOUS
ABOUT IT.

MADE SOME OF YOU

FEEL SUSPICIOUS.

MADE SOME OF YOU FEEL FOOLISH.

SCARED SOME OF YOU.

BUT OUT OF
ALL THE TOWNS

HE PICKED MAYBERRY
TO BE HIS HOMETOWN.

IT LOOKS LIKE TO ME
YOU'D BE PROUD

TO HAVE A FELLA
WHO THINKS SO MUCH OF YOU

TO WANT TO COME SETTLE DOWN
AND LIVE AMONGST YOU.

ANDY, FORGET IT.

I DON'T BLAME YOU NAR' A BIT
FOR WANTING TO FORGET IT.

SOME FELLAS PICK
THE WRONG WOMAN.

I RECKON YOU PICKED
THE WRONG TOWN.

I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU A BIT
IF YOU LEFT HERE

AND NEVER SET ONE FOOT
IN HERE AGAIN.

AND THE WAY I FEEL RIGHT NOW,
I'VE A MIND TO GO WITH YOU.

MR. SAWYER, UM...

I-I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY
IF YOU WOULD LIKE

TO CALL ON ME TONIGHT.

HUH?

STOP BY THE GAS STATION
LATER, SON

AND WE'LL
DRAW UP THE PAPERS.

WELL, I...

RATES AT THE HOTEL
ARE CHEAPER

BY THE MONTH, SON.

WELL...!

Barney:
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LET'S BREAK IT UP.

LET'S MOVE IT ALONG.

YOU'RE
CONGREGATING
UNLAWFULLY.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS
HAD A FEELING
ABOUT HIM, ANDY.

OH, I KNOW, I NEVER
SAID NOTHING 'BOUT IT.

HE'S ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

YOU LIKE HIM, DO YOU?

YEAH.

SPRECHEN THE DEUTSCH?

WELL, ED, AS LONG AS
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE WITH US

AND YOU'RE GONNA
BE ONE OF US,

WHY, YOU MIGHT AS WELL
LOOK LIKE US.

THAT'S RIGHT.

FLOYD!
NEXT!

GO GET HIM, FLOYD.

REMEMBER ABOUT
THE SIDEBURNS.

OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH.

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]