The Amazing World of Gumball (2011–…): Season 5, Episode 16 - The Matchmaker - full transcript
After seeing a photo that Darwin has of someone, Gumball believes it to be his crush, and does everything he can to set them up, but makes a huge mistake
Corrected & Synced by Bakugan
Nothing.
Then whose photo are you singing about?
No one's. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go look wistfully
at the sunset.
Dude, it's 2:00 P.M.!
Then I'll be gone for a while.
Hmm.
Teri?
Aww, he wuvs her, but he doesn't
know how to tell her!
This kid needs help... badly!
And there's only one person
who can help him badly enough!
Okay, so the plan is we make her
fall in love with you,
then you guys date,
become high-school sweethearts,
go to separate colleges,
and probably experiment more...
Break up after a massive argument
because one of you cheated.
Then you'll have to marry
someone else and have kids
because you'll want to feel normal.
But one day, you'll do an online search
to see if either of you got fat or bald.
Next thing you know,
you'll be paying a ton of money
on divorce and alimony, but don't worry,
because by the time
you realize your mistake,
you'll be in your winter years
where all that matters
is having someone to fight with.
What are you talking about?
Sorry. Normally, I would talk
through my plans with Darwin,
but he can't really know
about this one.
That wasn't a plan.
That was just a series
of bleak things that
will probably happen.
Yeah, but still,
would you help me make her
fall in love with Darwin?
Uh, well, it depends.
Who's the "her" in this conversation?
Teri... Darwin's into Teri.
Oh, r-really? I see.
I know! Weird, right?
I thought he was into you,
but, nope, it's definitely Teri!
There's photographic evidence
if you want to see it.
Look! Look! Look!
See? It's her, it's Teri!
Look at it! Can you see?
Look! Look! Look! Look!
You're not looking!
The only difference between
love and pain is the spelling.
The only difference
between me and you is... is...
The way I'm smelling!
Hmm.
Uh... oh.
Can kids buy potions?
What do you mean?
You know, some kind of love potion
that tricks you into thinking
everyone is beautiful.
That sounds more like a mistake potion,
and we need a fake I.D. to buy one.
Well, do you know how to make one?
We need to help him out
before he grows a fringe.
No, sorry, I don't.
And what's wrong with emo hair?
Uh...
I... I suppose it's not for everyone.
I got an idea!
They say the feeling of falling in love
is similar to experiencing
a life-or-death situation.
So?
So let's give Teri
a little adrenalin rush.
Come on, I need your help.
Oh, sure, I'll help you.
Great!
I'll help you fail.
Quick! Save yourself!
There's been a poisonous-chemical spill!
Get to the quarantine room!
My skin! It burn... Whoops.
Hmm.
Kind of looks like soda.
No! It's a lethal cocktail of chemicals
that will completely destroy
your metabolism,
deforming your body until
your butt crack reaches
your shoulder blades!
Yeah, that's soda.
Gumball, you're such a hypochondriac.
No! The quarantine room is right there!
Well, I guess
we should get Darwin out
of the quarantine room
before the nurse gets back.
I don't think there's a cure for that.
What are you doing?
I'm eating as much as I can
before it comes back.
Before what comes back?
Bleh!
Ugh!
The knot in my stomach.
Okay, you know what all girls like?
Being treated like they're all the same
and having generalizations
made about them?
What? No, they all hate that.
But they all love a guy who's
not scared of being vulnerable.
Share your secrets.
She'll love you for your imperfections.
I don't think she's gonna fall for a guy
who pees in a fishbowl
when the water's cold.
Fine, whatever.
Wasn't my idea, anyways. It was hers.
Okay!
She wants me to expose myself,
then I'll expose myself!
- What?
- V-Verbally.
I have a cloaca,
but I don't know what it is,
and I'm too scared to look it up!
Once I had a bit of meat
stuck in my teeth for a week.
I swallowed it
instead of spitting it out,
and it tasted like toothpaste.
And when I feel awkward,
I forget how to walk.
Okay, bye.
What was that?!
Right, plan "C."
We secretly marry them online,
and hope that Teri's love
will grow over time.
Great plan... Thank you.
...if "C" stands for "seriously stupid!"
That's not how you spell serious,
so that doesn't even work.
And we're not at plan "S" yet,
so... shh!
That starts with an "S."
Why did you have to drag me into this?
You know very well that I like Darwin.
It's written all over my face.
Your face is literally
two dots and a line!
It's like Morse Code.
What does that expression even mean?
Are you intrigued, skeptical, hungry?!
I'm disappointed.
Oh. Look, I-I'm really sorry.
He's just not into you, I guess.
I meant I'm disappointed in myself.
If you like someone,
you're supposed to help
them find happiness,
not ruin their chances.
Oh. Come here.
Oof.
Also, I lied.
About what?
I do know how to make a love potion.
A part of him, a part of her,
and one last ingredient...
The tear of someone who loves him.
Uh, where's that music coming from?
It's... It's just what happens
when you stir a love potion.
Mmm...
It's fine.
This is all for Darwin.
Wait! What are you doing?
Well, I thought
it would be more romantic
than putting it in their drinks
when they're not looking.
I love you, Teri!
I love you, too, Darwin!
I can still see.
What the?!
Dude, are you nuts?
I'm pretty sure you just punched
a hole in the ozone layer, man.
I just want to smell my best
for my date.
Ahem.
Hmm? What?
Well, I think I'm owed
a little thank you...
A little thank you for...
Dude, there's still
way too much deodorant.
I think I'm owed a little thank you
for fixing your love life.
What are you talking about?
Darwin, I saw it.
Saw what?
Your photo of Teri.
Let's just say Carrie and I
lent a "helping hand."
And let's just say
that this "helping hand"
involved the dark arts
and a dangerous weapon.
Because it did.
Ohhh! That's not a photo of Teri.
It's of Carrie,
but she doesn't show up on film.
What?!
Yeah, she used to be
the girl of my dreams.
Anyway, gotta go.
Don't want to be late for the date
with the new love of my life.
Carrie, Carrie, Carrie!
What?!
Give me a gentle slap on the arm.
What was that for?
I, uh, got it all mixed up.
Darwin never loved Teri, he loved you.
But you've
slapped me already,
so you've had your revenge!
So what now?
Instead of playing matchmaker,
we're gonna have to play match-breaker.
"Teri invited you to an event...
Your wedding"?!
Ah!
Attending.
Ah!
Argh, what have I done?
Huh?
What's that for?
A crime of passion.
Ah! She's too good not to to be shared.
Hmm, you're not quite the same
as when we met.
Mm-hmm.
Ah!
That means there's more of you to love!
Teri, meet
your future father-in-law.
I'm sorry. Please don't judge me.
Hmm, it wasn't hygienic,
but I guess you cleaned it.
Not for that, for this.
Can I call him "Dad"?
Darwin, I've just seen the nurse.
Apparently I have cooties!
How?! Who else have you kissed?
Hmm.
Rachel.
Carrie.
Gumball.
Gumball.
Gumball.
Okay, what's up with you guys?
Penny, Sussie, Alan's balloon
knot, Chris Morris!
All right, enough!
What? What's wrong?
Hmm.
I'm sorry.
Ah!
True love broke the spell.
Come on. Say something.
Uh, hey.
So, would you like to go out
somewhere sometime
and do something?
Or... Or we could go
somewhere else sometime
and do some other thing.
Mmm. They both sound great.
Hold on a second.
Huh?
Ah!
Please, continue.
Yeah, I can still see, but I don't mind.
Corrected & Synced by Bakugan
Nothing.
Then whose photo are you singing about?
No one's. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go look wistfully
at the sunset.
Dude, it's 2:00 P.M.!
Then I'll be gone for a while.
Hmm.
Teri?
Aww, he wuvs her, but he doesn't
know how to tell her!
This kid needs help... badly!
And there's only one person
who can help him badly enough!
Okay, so the plan is we make her
fall in love with you,
then you guys date,
become high-school sweethearts,
go to separate colleges,
and probably experiment more...
Break up after a massive argument
because one of you cheated.
Then you'll have to marry
someone else and have kids
because you'll want to feel normal.
But one day, you'll do an online search
to see if either of you got fat or bald.
Next thing you know,
you'll be paying a ton of money
on divorce and alimony, but don't worry,
because by the time
you realize your mistake,
you'll be in your winter years
where all that matters
is having someone to fight with.
What are you talking about?
Sorry. Normally, I would talk
through my plans with Darwin,
but he can't really know
about this one.
That wasn't a plan.
That was just a series
of bleak things that
will probably happen.
Yeah, but still,
would you help me make her
fall in love with Darwin?
Uh, well, it depends.
Who's the "her" in this conversation?
Teri... Darwin's into Teri.
Oh, r-really? I see.
I know! Weird, right?
I thought he was into you,
but, nope, it's definitely Teri!
There's photographic evidence
if you want to see it.
Look! Look! Look!
See? It's her, it's Teri!
Look at it! Can you see?
Look! Look! Look! Look!
You're not looking!
The only difference between
love and pain is the spelling.
The only difference
between me and you is... is...
The way I'm smelling!
Hmm.
Uh... oh.
Can kids buy potions?
What do you mean?
You know, some kind of love potion
that tricks you into thinking
everyone is beautiful.
That sounds more like a mistake potion,
and we need a fake I.D. to buy one.
Well, do you know how to make one?
We need to help him out
before he grows a fringe.
No, sorry, I don't.
And what's wrong with emo hair?
Uh...
I... I suppose it's not for everyone.
I got an idea!
They say the feeling of falling in love
is similar to experiencing
a life-or-death situation.
So?
So let's give Teri
a little adrenalin rush.
Come on, I need your help.
Oh, sure, I'll help you.
Great!
I'll help you fail.
Quick! Save yourself!
There's been a poisonous-chemical spill!
Get to the quarantine room!
My skin! It burn... Whoops.
Hmm.
Kind of looks like soda.
No! It's a lethal cocktail of chemicals
that will completely destroy
your metabolism,
deforming your body until
your butt crack reaches
your shoulder blades!
Yeah, that's soda.
Gumball, you're such a hypochondriac.
No! The quarantine room is right there!
Well, I guess
we should get Darwin out
of the quarantine room
before the nurse gets back.
I don't think there's a cure for that.
What are you doing?
I'm eating as much as I can
before it comes back.
Before what comes back?
Bleh!
Ugh!
The knot in my stomach.
Okay, you know what all girls like?
Being treated like they're all the same
and having generalizations
made about them?
What? No, they all hate that.
But they all love a guy who's
not scared of being vulnerable.
Share your secrets.
She'll love you for your imperfections.
I don't think she's gonna fall for a guy
who pees in a fishbowl
when the water's cold.
Fine, whatever.
Wasn't my idea, anyways. It was hers.
Okay!
She wants me to expose myself,
then I'll expose myself!
- What?
- V-Verbally.
I have a cloaca,
but I don't know what it is,
and I'm too scared to look it up!
Once I had a bit of meat
stuck in my teeth for a week.
I swallowed it
instead of spitting it out,
and it tasted like toothpaste.
And when I feel awkward,
I forget how to walk.
Okay, bye.
What was that?!
Right, plan "C."
We secretly marry them online,
and hope that Teri's love
will grow over time.
Great plan... Thank you.
...if "C" stands for "seriously stupid!"
That's not how you spell serious,
so that doesn't even work.
And we're not at plan "S" yet,
so... shh!
That starts with an "S."
Why did you have to drag me into this?
You know very well that I like Darwin.
It's written all over my face.
Your face is literally
two dots and a line!
It's like Morse Code.
What does that expression even mean?
Are you intrigued, skeptical, hungry?!
I'm disappointed.
Oh. Look, I-I'm really sorry.
He's just not into you, I guess.
I meant I'm disappointed in myself.
If you like someone,
you're supposed to help
them find happiness,
not ruin their chances.
Oh. Come here.
Oof.
Also, I lied.
About what?
I do know how to make a love potion.
A part of him, a part of her,
and one last ingredient...
The tear of someone who loves him.
Uh, where's that music coming from?
It's... It's just what happens
when you stir a love potion.
Mmm...
It's fine.
This is all for Darwin.
Wait! What are you doing?
Well, I thought
it would be more romantic
than putting it in their drinks
when they're not looking.
I love you, Teri!
I love you, too, Darwin!
I can still see.
What the?!
Dude, are you nuts?
I'm pretty sure you just punched
a hole in the ozone layer, man.
I just want to smell my best
for my date.
Ahem.
Hmm? What?
Well, I think I'm owed
a little thank you...
A little thank you for...
Dude, there's still
way too much deodorant.
I think I'm owed a little thank you
for fixing your love life.
What are you talking about?
Darwin, I saw it.
Saw what?
Your photo of Teri.
Let's just say Carrie and I
lent a "helping hand."
And let's just say
that this "helping hand"
involved the dark arts
and a dangerous weapon.
Because it did.
Ohhh! That's not a photo of Teri.
It's of Carrie,
but she doesn't show up on film.
What?!
Yeah, she used to be
the girl of my dreams.
Anyway, gotta go.
Don't want to be late for the date
with the new love of my life.
Carrie, Carrie, Carrie!
What?!
Give me a gentle slap on the arm.
What was that for?
I, uh, got it all mixed up.
Darwin never loved Teri, he loved you.
But you've
slapped me already,
so you've had your revenge!
So what now?
Instead of playing matchmaker,
we're gonna have to play match-breaker.
"Teri invited you to an event...
Your wedding"?!
Ah!
Attending.
Ah!
Argh, what have I done?
Huh?
What's that for?
A crime of passion.
Ah! She's too good not to to be shared.
Hmm, you're not quite the same
as when we met.
Mm-hmm.
Ah!
That means there's more of you to love!
Teri, meet
your future father-in-law.
I'm sorry. Please don't judge me.
Hmm, it wasn't hygienic,
but I guess you cleaned it.
Not for that, for this.
Can I call him "Dad"?
Darwin, I've just seen the nurse.
Apparently I have cooties!
How?! Who else have you kissed?
Hmm.
Rachel.
Carrie.
Gumball.
Gumball.
Gumball.
Okay, what's up with you guys?
Penny, Sussie, Alan's balloon
knot, Chris Morris!
All right, enough!
What? What's wrong?
Hmm.
I'm sorry.
Ah!
True love broke the spell.
Come on. Say something.
Uh, hey.
So, would you like to go out
somewhere sometime
and do something?
Or... Or we could go
somewhere else sometime
and do some other thing.
Mmm. They both sound great.
Hold on a second.
Huh?
Ah!
Please, continue.
Yeah, I can still see, but I don't mind.
Corrected & Synced by Bakugan