The Alzheimer's Project (2009–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am? - full transcript

( piano playing )

GRANDPA?

GRANDPA?

GRANDPA?

Boy: I HAVE A GRANDPA THAT HAS "ALTIMERS."

IT'S A SICKNESS THAT...

THAT MAKES THE PERSON THAT'S GOT IT

NOT REMEMBER STUFF SO GOOD.

Girl: I REMEMBER MY GRANDMOTHER

A LOT BEFORE SHE HAD ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE,

WHEN SHE COULD SPEAK, WHEN SHE COULD WALK,



WHEN SHE COULD HUG ME.

Girl: MY GRANDPA BROOKS IS REALLY GREAT

AND HE LOVES CHILDREN.

( all cheering )

SOMETIMES HE DOES REMEMBER MY NAME,

SOMETIMES HE DOESN'T.

( piano continues )

( voices overlapping ) HE'S
LOSING HIS MEMORY.

HE DOESN'T REMEMBER MY NAME.

RIGHT NOW HE DOESN'T
KNOW ANYBODY.

HE SEEMS LIKE HE
DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
WATCHING THEM FADE AWAY.

I'M MARIA SHRIVER AND
MY DAD HAS ALZHEIMER'S,

SO I'M A CHILD OF ALZHEIMER'S.



MY CHILDREN ARE
CHILDREN OF ALZHEIMER'S.

AND I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM THEM

IN HOW TO DEAL WITH A
PARENT WHO HAS ALZHEIMER'S.

AND THERE ARE MANY LESSONS
THAT OUR CHILDREN CAN TEACH US

AS MORE AND MORE OF US DEAL
WITH PARENTS WHO HAVE ALZHEIMER'S.

Man LOOK AT THE BIRDIES...

40, 50, 60, 70 OF THEM.

IT'S AMAZING.

WOW, THAT'S AWESOME.

DO YOU EVER WORRY ABOUT WHEN
YOU'RE GONNA FORGET US OR ANYTHING?

IT'S POSSIBLE, BUT I DON'T
KNOW WHEN IT WOULD HAPPEN.

AND OF COURSE, A LOT OF THINGS
WILL BE HAPPENING AT THAT SAME TIME.

AND I'M NOT TRYING TO
GET TROUBLE FOR YOU.

IT'S JUST A MATTER OF I DON'T
KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE.

- YEAH.
- I WANT TO KEEP IT LONG ENOUGH

SO THAT I DON'T
EVER WORRY ABOUT IT.

WILL IT BE FOR THE REST OF MY
LIFE, OR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

OR WILL YOU FORGET ME AND
THEN REMEMBER ME ANOTHER TIME

AND THEN FORGET ME AGAIN?

I WOULD WANT TO... NOT
TO HAVE THAT HAPPEN,

BUT THAT DOESN'T
MEAN IT WON'T HAPPEN.

IF I'VE FORGOTTEN YOU,

I PROBABLY WILL NOT
EVER REMEMBER YOU AGAIN.

OH, THAT'S KINDA SCARY.

HOW DO YOU DEFINE
THE WORD "MEMORY"?

HOW ARE YOU GONNA
DEFINE "MEMORY"?

HA HA!

THINK AND THINK AND THINK AND
NOT KNOW... IS THAT ALL RIGHT?

IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS
REALLY SYMPATHETIC

AND UNDERSTOOD THAT WE REALLY
NEEDED HIM TO TALK TO US ABOUT IT.

HOW DO I FEEL?

- YEAH, WHEN... NO, I MEAN... -
STANDING UP, SITTING DOWN,

CRYING? WHAT?

I'M JUST SAYING, HOW
DOES IT REALLY FEEL WHEN...

- WHEN YOU... - WHEN I
CAN'T REMEMBER THINGS?

SAY WORDS. JUST...

THERE ARE A LOT OF TIMES THAT
I CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORD.

AND SO IT GETS HARDER AND
HARDER AND HARDER TO SAY THINGS.

- FRUSTRATING.
- AND YOU CAN'T REMEMBER

WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY,
AND IT WON'T COME OUT.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT?

GO BACK TO SLEEP, I GUESS,
BUT THAT DOESN'T HELP.

Girl: IT MAKES US NERVOUS WHEN
WE THINK ABOUT OUR GRANDPA

AND ALL THE "ALTIMER'S"
THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN.

HE WON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME,
SO IT'LL BE LIKE I'M A STRANGER.

I'LL JUST HAVE TO SAY, "HI, MY
NAME IS MARGARET," AND STUFF.

HE WON'T REMEMBER ME VERY WELL.

I HAD A PROBLEM WITH HIS
NAME FOR SOME REASON

BECAUSE IT'S A NAME I'M NOT...

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY
ELSE WITH THAT NAME.

BUT HOW ABOUT THEIR NAMES?
DO YOU REMEMBER THEIR NAMES?

NEVER DID. NO, I
JUST CALL 'EM "KIDS."

( laughs ) NICE KIDS.

- ( laughs )
- BRIGHT KIDS.

- YOU KNOW YOUR... YOUR MOTHER?
- YEAH.

WHAT'S HER NAME?

WHAT'S HER NAME?

- YEAH.
- MOTHER.

WHAT'S HER REAL NAME?

- HUH?
- WHAT'S MY MOM'S REAL NAME?

UH, LET'S SEE.

WHAT IS IT NOW? DOGGONE IT, DO
I HAVE TO HAVE THAT WHENEVER...

I CAN TALK ABOUT IT MOST
OF THE TIME UNTIL YOU GUYS...

VIC... TOR...

- VICTORIA.
- YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. SEE, IT
TOOK 30 SECONDS.

- YEAH.
- MAYBE SIX SECONDS. I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK HE UNDERSTANDS
"ALTIMER'S" DISEASE

BECAUSE MY GRANDMA HAS
REALLY FILLED HIM IN ON IT.

AND I THINK THAT
REALLY HELPS HIM A LOT,

BEING ABLE TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT HE HAS.

I THINK YOU ARE
FORGETTING MORE, DEAR.

WHAT?

THE NAMES OF PLACES
AND THE NAMES OF PEOPLE.

YOU THINK IT'S WORSE
THAN I DID LAST YEAR?

- WE'LL SEE.
- I DON'T THINK SO.

HE'S HAVING A TEST RIGHT NOW

WHICH IS A BIG
LONG TWO-DAY TEST.

SO WE DON'T KNOW.

- I AM?
- YOU WENT LAST WEEK.

DO YOU REMEMBER...

Boy: ONCE HE REALLY FORGETS US,

I THINK WE'LL BE
REALLY REALLY SAD,

BUT FOR NOW, WE'RE WORRIED
ABOUT HIM BUT WE'RE NOT TOO SAD.

- Liam: HURRAY!
- Grandpa: OKAY, KEEP IT GOING.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
IT'S STILL UP THERE.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

OOPS, IT'S GOING DOWN NOW. WHY?

AHHH!

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHERE
EVERYTHING IS HEADING WITH HIM.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S... IF
IT'S GONNA GET A LOT WORSE

OR ANYTHING.

I HOPE IT'LL GET BETTER,

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S
HOW IT IS WITH "ALTIMER'S."

Maria: WHEN MY
DAD WAS DIAGNOSED,

THIS WAS A DISEASE THAT
NOBODY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT.

WE COULDN'T HAVE
THAT CONVERSATION.

AND I THINK THE MORE
FAMILIES SIT DOWN

AND HAVE THESE OPEN,
HONEST CONVERSATIONS

WHERE EVERYBODY CAN SAY,

UM, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
AROUND THE CORNER,"

"I'M SCARED," "I'M WORRIED,"

AND CAN AIR THEIR QUESTIONS,
THAT'S EMPOWERING.

AND THAT'S REALLY HELPFUL.

I USED TO THINK THAT IT
WAS SOMEHOW MY FAULT,

BUT NOW I JUST THINK IT'S...

IT'S SOMETHING
THAT JUST HAPPENED.

AND IT'S LIKE A MUTATION IN
THE GENES OR SOMETHING.

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT. IT'S JUST
SOMETHING THAT IS HAPPENING.

AND THERE'S JUST SO
MUCH ABOUT THE MIND

THAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Maria: MOST OF US GO THROUGH
LIFE WITH ALL THESE EXPECTATIONS.

I THINK WHEN SOMEONE
HAS ALZHEIMER'S,

YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS

BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW,
AND THAT PERSON DOESN'T KNOW.

IT'S OUT OF YOUR HANDS;
YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.

AND THEREFORE YOU
MUST DEAL IN THE PRESENT,

IN THE NOW WITH THE PERSON WHO
IS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

THAT'S ONE OF THE LESSONS
THAT I'VE GOTTEN FROM MY FATHER.

I REMEMBER SITTING WITH
HIM OUT IN THE BACKYARD

AND HE ASKED ME IF
I HEARD THE WATER.

AND I SAID, "NO NO, THAT'S NOT
THE WATER; THAT'S TRAFFIC."

AND HE SAID, "NO, I
ONLY HEAR WATER."

AND I SAID, "NO NO,
YOU HEAR TRAFFIC."

AND THEN I SAID TO
MYSELF, "OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHY DON'T I JUST GO WITH
THE FACT THAT THAT'S WATER?"

AND I SAID, "OH, YEAH,
I HEAR THE WATER."

HE SAID, "ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?"

I SAID, "YEAH, IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVE THE SOUND OF WATER."

AND HE SAID, "I LOVE THE
SOUND OF WATER TOO.

IT MAKES ME SO PEACEFUL." AND I
SAID, "YEAH, IT MAKES ME PEACEFUL TOO."

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
THE TRAFFIC WAS GONE

AND WE WERE HAVING A
CONVERSATION ABOUT WATER.

AND, UM, IT WAS A LOVING,
PEACEFUL CONVERSATION.

AND IT TAUGHT ME A GREAT LESSON.

AND FROM THAT MOMENT ON, I'VE
NEVER CORRECTED MY DAD EVER AGAIN.

Girl: SHE'S GETTING
WORSE AND WORSE,

BUT WE'RE KINDA
LEARNING TO DEAL WITH IT.

IF YOU TALK TO HER,
SHE'LL RESPOND,

BUT SHE WILL TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

LIKE, IT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH THE SUBJECT AT ALL.

THE HONG, HOGGY HOGGY DOGGIES.

( both laugh )

THE WHAT?

WHAT IS IT, NANNY?

HOGGY HOGGY HOGGY...

OKAY.

Sarah: THE CARE
IS DEFINITELY 24/7.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO
HAVE AN EYE ON HER,

LIKE, EVEN GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU JUST CAN'T EVER
LEAVE HER ALONE.

- Grandmother: OKAY.
- HERE.

MM-HMM. THAT'S IT.

THAT'S UP, ISN'T IT?
IS IT UP OR DOWN?

- NOPE, THAT'S UP.
- OH.

THAT'S YOU.

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

MMM MMM MMM.

DO YOU REMEMBER THOSE
DAYS AFTER YOU GOT MARRIED?

UH-HUH.

- AND THEN YOU HAD LISA.
- MM-HMM.

Sarah: I THINK ABOUT
HER ALL THE TIME.

SHE'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE.

AND SOMETIMES WE CAN'T GO PLACES

BECAUSE WE HAVE
TO BE THERE WITH HER.

BUT, I MEAN, IT'S KINDA WORTH IT

'CAUSE I'M HELPING HER.

WANNA PUT GIDGET DOWN?

YOU CAN HOLD HER BY HER LEASH.

LIKE HOW... SEE HOW I'M
HOLDING COREY AND BANDIT?

WANNA DO THAT?

IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN LET HER DOWN.

- I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT.
- SHE'S RIGHT HERE.

IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD

'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT. LIKE,
SHE WANTS TO DO IT ON HER OWN,

BUT SHE CAN'T.

I'M SITTING HERE

WAITIN' AND WAITIN' AND WAITIN'

AND...

HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.

- SHE'S THE WRONG WAY.
- ( dog growling )

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT, SARAH?

NANNY, YOU HAVE
TO FLIP HER THIS WAY.

SHE'S GONNA GET HURT.

YOU WANT TO... YOU'LL STAY...

- OH, STOP STOP.
- ( dog growls )

I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE.

OKAY, NANNY. IT'S OKAY.

LOOK, SHE'S FINE.

Sarah: SHE HAS A
LOT OF MOOD SWINGS.

I KIND OF UNDERSTAND IT NOW.

I JUST SEE THAT SHE'S
KIND OF, LIKE, SCARED.

LIKE, SHE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WELL, I CAN'T DO
THINGS LIKE THAT.

EVEN AS SHE HAS ALZHEIMER'S,

SHE REALLY ENJOYS MUSIC.

LIKE SHE WAS REALLY INTO ELVIS.

AND WE HAVE THIS LITTLE DOG.

AND EVERY TIME SHE KIND OF GETS
UPSET, WE KIND OF PLAY IT FOR HER

AND SHE'LL JUST DANCE.

( "Hound Dog" playing )

THE FUTURE FOR
NANNY? ALL I KNOW IS

IT'S NEVER GONNA BE ANY BETTER.

AND...

NANNY, I REALLY WISH YOU NEVER
WOULD HAVE GOTTEN ALZHEIMER'S.

IT'S CHANGED YOUR LIFE
AND ALL OF OUR LIVES.

BUT...

AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

( laughs ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Maria: IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE
SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND KIDS

WHO ARE TAKING CARE
OF YOUR GRANDPARENTS,

KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

AND KNOW THAT YOU'RE
MAKING A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

YOU BRING SOMETHING TO
YOUR GRANDPARENT'S LIFE

THAT NOBODY CAN BRING BUT YOU.

WE PLAY PUZZLES TOGETHER.

AND WE GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.

AND WE GO TO THE PARK.

WHEN MY NANA COMES
OUT OF THE DAYCARE

AND OUT OF THE VAN, I
HELP HER OUT OF THE VAN.

WHEN I WAS SIX, SEVEN YEARS OLD,

I WOULD READ HER STORIES

AND SING HER SONGS AND
DANCE IN FRONT OF HER.

AND I STILL DO THAT. AND
I DO, LIKE, FASHION SHOWS

WITH ALL MY NEW CLOTHES.

AND I THINK IT MAKES HER HAPPY.

SO MUCH OF HOW I'VE
LEARNED TO DEAL WITH MY DAD

HAS COME FROM WATCHING MY
CHILDREN, MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS...

THEIR... THEIR JOY,

THE WAY THEY ENGAGE,

THE WAY THEY'RE
RIGHT IN THE MOMENT,

THE WAY THEY CONDUCT
THE CONVERSATIONS.

I OFTEN FOLLOW THE
LEAD OF MY OWN CHILDREN

IN DEALING WITH MY DAD.

THIS IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL THING.

THIS IS THE STARS. WHEN YOU
LOOK AT THEM IN OUTER SPACE

IN THIS PICTURE,
IT'S LIKE A CROSS.

HERE'S AN ASTRONAUT WAVING.

( child speaking, garbled )

Daylen: I HAVE TO HELP
BECAUSE I'M THE BIGGEST ONE.

AND I CAN'T JUST GO TO
MY MOM FOR EVERYTHING.

Woman: OKAY, JUST MAKE
SURE HE EATS ALL OF IT,

'CAUSE THAT ONE
HAS HIS MEDICINE.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

THE SICKNESS THAT HE HAS

WON'T GO AWAY UNTIL...

JUST, IT WON'T...

GO AWAY.

AT FIRST WE DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS THAT SERIOUS.

BUT...

WHEN SHE STARTED TO
FORGET WHO WE WERE...

AND MORE SERIOUS THINGS... WHEN SHE
COULDN'T LIVE IN HER HOUSE ANYMORE,

AND SHE HAD TO GO INTO AN OLD...

UH, NURSING HOMES,

AND SHE WAS GETTING KICKED OUT
OF NURSING HOMES FOR HER BEHAVIOR,

THAT'S WHEN WE REALLY...
IT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL.

IT WAS SCARY.

IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE KIDS
WHO'S GOT A GRANDMA OR A GRANDPA

WHO MIGHT NOT BE LIVING AT HOME,
BUT WHO MIGHT BE AT A FACILITY

AND YOUR PARENT WANTS
YOU TO GO VISIT THEM,

IT'S OKAY TO FEEL
NERVOUS ABOUT THAT;

FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T
REALLY WANT TO GO;

WONDER ABOUT WHETHER
IT'S WORTH YOUR TIME,

WHETHER THEY'LL
KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS
ARE VALID AND THEY'RE TRUE

AND THEY'RE OKAY.

Woman: GIRLS, I CAN KIND
OF, LIKE, JUST TELL YOU

FROM THE LAST TIME
YOU SAW GRANDMA,

SHE'S DETERIORATED MORE.

BUT DOES SHE...
CAN SHE TALK STILL?

SHE'S GONNA MUMBLE.

SO THERE'S GONNA
BE A LOT OF MUMBLING.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
GONNA GET A RESPONSE FROM HER,

IF YOU'RE GOING TO, YOU KNOW,
GET ANYTHING OF RECOGNITION.

LIKE, DOES SHE... CAN SHE WALK?

NO. SHE'S PROBABLY
GONNA BE IN A CHAIR,

LIKE A... A WHEELCHAIR.

Girl: I DON'T LIKE SEEING
GRANDMA ANYMORE.

LIKE, I USED TO ENJOY IT A LOT
WHEN WE WERE REALLY YOUNG,

AND, LIKE, BEFORE IT ALL.

BUT I DON'T ENJOY IT AS MUCH NOW

BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE HER, THAT'S
ONE MORE TIME I SEE HER LIKE THIS,

AND ONE LAST TIME THAT I
SEE HER THE WAY SHE WAS.

- Mother: RIGHT.
- AND THAT'S JUST MORE REPLACING THE MEMORY

OF HOW SHE WAS.

I DON'T WANT TO
SEE HER LIKE THAT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE HER?

NO.

Girl: THIS IS MY
GRANDMA AND I LOVE HER,

BUT IT'S HARD 'CAUSE SHE
DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM.

AND I USED TO COME TO
NEW YORK A LOT TO VISIT HER.

AND WE WOULD GO,

LIKE, TO THE PARKS AND STUFF. AND
SHE WOULD TAKE US A LOT OF PLACES.

AND SHE USED TO
HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY.

AND NOW SHE DOESN'T

'CAUSE OF THE "ALTIMER'S."

HI, MA.

HI, MOM.

HI.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- ( chuckles )

WHO AM I?

( mumbles )

LOOK WHO I BROUGHT
WITH ME. LOOK.

- HEY, GRANDMA.
- THERE'S MEGAN.

HI.

MEGAN.

GRANDMA.

Mother: SHE SEES SOMETHING.

HI.

HI.

- AND DANIELLE.
- HI, GRANDMA.

WELL, SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU, D.

Danielle: I THINK SHE'S
SUFFERING 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE

SHE CAN'T EVEN HAVE A
RELATIONSHIP WITH US.

Mother: THAT'S DANIELLE.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.

AND IT'S LIKE SHE'S
DEAD, KIND OF,

'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW US.

( mumbling )

Megan: SHE USED TO
BE VERY PEACEFUL,

BUT THEN WHEN
SHE GOT THE DISEASE,

SHE STARTED BEING AGGRESSIVE.

ONCE, IN THE NURSING HOME,

SHE SLAPPED ME.

IT WAS SHOCKING

'CAUSE I'VE NEVER
SEEN HER HIT ANYONE.

AND I DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING TO HER.

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE WOULD DO THAT.

SHE CAN'T EVEN TALK, PRACTICALLY.
SHE ONLY SAID, LIKE, THREE WORDS.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS BAD BEFORE.

Danielle: I DON'T LIKE TO
TALK ABOUT IT THAT MUCH,

LIKE, TO MY SISTER OR MY FAMILY,

'CAUSE IT'S REALLY EMOTIONAL.

BYE, MOM.

- SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GOODBYE IS.
- YEAH.

- BYE, MOM.
- BYE, GRANDMA.

- I LOVE YOU.
- Mother: I LOVE YOU.

Maria: IT'S A REALLY
SCARY CONCEPT

TO ANYBODY AT ANY AGE

TO THINK OF HAVING THEIR
MIND BE A BLANK SLATE

AND HAVE NO MEMORIES THERE,

BECAUSE OUR LIVE ARE
MADE UP OF MEMORIES.

AND WE CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT THAT MUST BE LIKE,

TO GO TO YOUR MEMORY BANK

AND FIND NOTHING THERE.

HI.

WANT TO HOLD MY HAND?

Maria: IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
TO ENCOURAGE KIDS

NOT TO BE AFRAID

WHEN THEY'RE AROUND
SOMEONE WITH ALZHEIMER'S.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, GRANDMA?

BUT THERE IS ALWAYS THAT MOMENT
WHEN YOU HAVE TO LET IT SINK IN

THAT YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FATHER,
YOUR GRANDMA, YOUR GRANDPA

DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

I DON'T THINK ANYBODY
GETS USED TO THAT.

SHE STILL DOESN'T REALLY

REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT
HER LIFE BEFORE ALZHEIMER'S.

IT'S LIKE THE ONLY
THING LEFT OF YOU

IS YOUR HEART IN THE PEOPLE
THAT'S SURROUNDING YOU,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE SURROUNDING YOU.

YOU USED TO KNOW THEM,
BUT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THEM.

FOR ME, IT'S VERY SAD
TO SEE HER LIKE THAT,

BECAUSE, SHE
WAS, LIKE, THE BEST,

AND I LOVE... I LOVE HER A LOT.

AND EVER SINCE THAT HAPPENED,
THINGS STARTED TO FADE.

MOSTLY HE'S HAPPY,

BUT A LITTLE BIT
PART OF THE DAY,

HE'S, LIKE, A LITTLE BIT MAD.

I THINK IT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT FOR ALL OF US

WHO LOVE SOMEBODY
WHO HAS ALZHEIMER'S

TO REMEMBER THAT
WHEN THEY GET ANGRY

OR WHEN THEY TRY TO STRIKE OUT

OR WHEN THEY DON'T TALK TO US,

THAT THAT'S NOT THEM...

THAT IT'S THE DISEASE
THAT'S DOING THAT.

AND THAT THERE'S
NOTHING THAT YOU DID

OR I DID THAT WOULD CAUSE THAT.

THAT'S ALZHEIMER'S
DOING ITS WORK.

Ashanti: AT FIRST
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

SHE WOULD FORGET
WHERE TO PUT THINGS,

BUT THEN THE DISEASE GOT WORSE

AND SHE COULDN'T
REMEMBER WHO I WAS.

SHE LIVES DOWNSTAIRS IN
THE LOWER PART OF MY HOUSE.

SO I DO SEE HER EVERY
DAY AFTER SCHOOL.

"WE'RE VERY GOOD
FRIENDS, MY GRANDMA AND I.

WE LIKE TO TAKE WALKS
AND BAKE RHUBARB PIES.

AND SOMETIMES WE'LL JUST
CHAT FOR HOURS ON END

OR SPEND THE WHOLE DAY
PLAYING GAMES AND PRETEND."

YAY.

- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO, GRANDMA.

CAN I WIPE YOUR MOUTH?

MMM.

THANK YOU.

I WONDER WHAT'S GOING
INSIDE HER BRAIN A LOT.

AND I CAN'T IMAGINE
TO BE IN HER POSITION.

( scatting )

LIKE, SOMETIMES SHE'D
BE IN A GOOD MOOD

AND SOMETIMES SHE'D
BE IN A BAD MOOD.

AND IT'S REALLY PAINFUL
TO SEE HER THAT WAY.

THIS WEEKEND, GRANDMA, I
WENT OVER TO JASMINE'S HOUSE.

YOU REMEMBER JASMINE?

I'VE KNOWN HER
SINCE I WAS IN PRE-K.

SHE LIVES WITH HER
MOM AND HER STEPDAD

AND HER DAD LIVES TWO BLOCKS
AWAY ON COLLEGE AVENUE.

HMM HMM HMM!

GO HOME!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, GRANDMA?

GO HOME!

( crying )

Girl: WHEN GRANDMA WAS
IN THERE YELLING AT YOU,

TRY NOT TO TAKE IT
PERSONAL, REALLY.

IT'S NOT GRANDMA
THAT'S TALKING TO YOU,

IT'S THE DISEASE.

SO JUST TRY TO REMEMBER THAT,

YOU KNOW, GRANDMA LOVES YOU.

THERE'S SOME PART OF HER THAT'S
STILL SEARCHING FOR HER MEMORY.

- MM-HMM.
- AND IT'S TRYING TO FIND IT, BUT SHE CAN'T.

MOMMY TELLS ME JUST
TO CHERISH THE MOMENTS

THAT SHE REMEMBERS US AND EVEN
THE ONES THAT SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER US,

'CAUSE ONE DAY
WE'RE GONNA MISS HER.

YEAH. YOU KNOW GRANDMA
SPENT YEARS TAKING CARE OF YOU.

AND NOW IT'S JUST OUR TURN TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH

AND TO TAKE CARE OF HER.

IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY.

Maria: IF YOU WERE IN A ROOM

AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE YOU WERE

AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHO THE PEOPLE WERE,

YOU'D PROBABLY GET
ANGRY OR SCARED AS WELL.

SO JUST KNOW THAT BY SHOWING UP

AND BEING THERE, YOU BRING
LOVE INTO THAT PERSON'S LIFE

FOR THAT MINUTE,
THAT HOUR, THAT DAY.

MY GRANDMOTHER
TRIES TO HUG ME BACK

AS MUCH AS SHE CAN,
BUT IT'S NOT EASY FOR HER

BECAUSE SHE CAN BARELY
MOVE ANY MUSCLES IN HER BODY.

YOU JUST KIND OF
HAVE TO HOLD HER HAND

AND LET HER KNOW THAT
YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT HER.

TO KEEP MY GRANDFATHER'S
MEMORY ALIVE

IS TO KEEP ALL THE JOY AND
HAPPINESS THAT HE GAVE US.

A FAMILY IS A COLLECTION
OF EXPERIENCES,

EMOTIONS, STORIES.

I REMEMBER MY DAD AS THIS YOUNG,

VIVACIOUS PUBLIC SERVANT

WHO RAN THE WAR ON POVERTY,

WHO CREATED ALL OF
THESE INCREDIBLE JOBS

AND PROGRAMS IN THE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

WE ALL WANT TO REMEMBER
THE PERSON WHO HAS ALZHEIMER'S

THE WAY THEY USED TO BE

BEFORE THEY GOT THIS DISEASE.

IF YOU HAVE A
GRANDMA OR A GRANDPA

WHO HAS ALZHEIMER'S,

THERE ARE A LOT OF
THINGS YOU CAN DO

TO LEARN ABOUT HIM OR HER...

GET OUT A VIDEO CAMERA,
GO THROUGH A SCRAPBOOK,

MAKE A SCRAPBOOK.

ANYTHING YOU DO WILL
BE AN ADDED BONUS.

HI, MY NAME'S ALISSA,

AND I'VE KNOWN MY GRANDMA
MARY FRAN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.

BUT BECAUSE SHE HAS ALZHEIMER'S,

I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER,

SO THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO MAKE
THIS DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HER LIFE.

HERE'S A SHOT OF GRANDMA MARY
FRAN PROBABLY WHEN SHE WAS 22

OR 23.

I LOVE HOW SHE'S, LIKE,
LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER.

IT'S SO PRETTY. LIKE,
SHE'S LIKE A MOVIE STAR.

YEAH, IT'S ONE OF THOSE
SORT OF GLAMOUR SHOTS.

( laughs )

AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF

PAPA BART AND GRANDMA MARY FRAN

RIGHT AFTER THEY WERE
MARRIED IN JANUARY OF 1934.

THAT'S NEAT.

AND HERE'S SOME PICTURES
OF GRANDMA MARY FRAN,

AND THERE'S YOU

WHEN YOU WERE FIRST BORN.

AT THIS POINT, DID
SHE KNOW THAT I...

- YOU KNOW, EVEN THEN...
- WHO I WAS AND STUFF?

EVEN THEN... I MEAN, YOU
KNOW, SHE OBVIOUSLY KNEW

THAT YOU WERE HER
NEW GRANDDAUGHTER,

BUT THE ALZHEIMER'S
WAS BEGINNING TO START,

AND IT WAS JUST HARD
FOR HER TO REMEMBER.

- AND SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER MY NAME?
- RIGHT.

RIGHT.

( keyboard clacking )

WHAT KIND OF PERSON WAS
GRANDMA MARY FRAN LIKE

TO WORK WITH?

SHE WAS ALWAYS CALM.

SHE WAS ALWAYS
FRIENDLY, PERSONABLE.

SO YOU ENJOYED WORKING WITH HER.

I NEVER SAW HER LOSE HER
TEMPER OR GET RUFFLED,

BUT SHE DID WANT THINGS TO GO
EXACTLY AS SHE HAD PICTURED THEM.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME.

SHE HAD A DELIGHTFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR.

AND SHE WAS ALWAYS
SO LADYLIKE, SO PROPER,

AND JUST, TO ME,
SWEET ALL THE TIME.

THEY WERE THE PERFECT
HOST AND HOSTESS.

SO MY GRANDMOTHER MUST HAVE
REALLY LOVED DOING PARTIES, HUH?

WELL, THEY LOVED
GIVING THE PARTIES

AND EVERYBODY LOVED
COMING TO THEIR PARTIES.

AND SHE WOULD WORK

AND WORK AND WORK.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T
KNOW HER WHEN SHE WAS...

- I KNOW. -... IN HER PRIME.

- I KNOW.
- YOU KNOW.

HI.

COME HERE, GRAM.

IT'S ALISSA, MARY FRAN.

HOW ARE YOU?

THAT'S OUR GRANDDAUGHTER.

HI, GRANDPA BART.

- THANK YOU.
- HOW YOU DOING?

ARE YOU DOING GOOD?

YEAH.

ALISSA'S TAKING
A PICTURE OF YOU.

SHE'S DOING A PICTURE.

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

( clears throat )

( mumbled )

THAT'S RIGHT.

DO YOU THINK THAT RIGHT NOW SHE
UNDERSTANDS WHAT WE'RE SAYING?

SOMETIMES SHE UNDERSTANDS.

WHEN I TALK TO HER, SHE SMILES...

WHEN I TELL HER I LOVE HER.

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT
GRANDMA MARY FRAN

THAT MADE YOU FALL
IN LOVE WITH HER?

WELL, SHE WAS A
PRETTY LITTLE GIRL.

AND...

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY
OTHER GIRLFRIENDS.

AND SO I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER,

I GUESS, ON SIGHT.

I'VE BEEN IN LOVE
WITH HER EVER SINCE.

AND WE'VE HAD A
LOT OF FUN TOGETHER,

HAVEN'T WE?

I LOVE YOU.

YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.

( indistinct speech )

WHILE ALZHEIMER'S IS
UNBELIEVABLY DIFFICULT,

EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY,

SPIRITUALLY... ON EVERY LEVEL...

THERE'S SOME EXTRAORDINARY
GIFTS THAT COME TO THE FAMILY;

SOME EXTRAORDINARY
BONDS THAT DEVELOP

BETWEEN GENERATIONS.

AND I THINK ALISSA
MAKING THIS FILM

IS AN INCREDIBLE CONTRIBUTION
TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY.

AND SHE GOT TO SEE
SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER

REAL REAL LOVE.

I WISH I COULD HAVE KNOWN
HER AS SHE WAS BEFORE,

'CAUSE FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD,

SHE MUST HAVE BEEN A
REALLY AMAZING WOMAN.

ONE DAY HE'S GONNA WAKE UP
AND HE'S NOT GONNA REMEMBER ME

AND THAT'S GONNA BE REALLY SAD.

GRANDPA,

I WISH THAT YOUR
SICKNESS CAN GO AWAY.

GRANDMA, I LOVE
YOU AND I MISS YOU.

IF I COULD DO
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD

TO CHANGE MY GRANDMOTHER,

IT WOULD BE TO FIND A
CURE FOR ALZHEIMER'S

SO I WOULDN'T JUST BE
HELPING MY GRANDMOTHER,

I'D BE HELPING OTHER PEOPLE
WHO HAD THE DISEASE ALSO.

I JUST WANT HIM... HIS BODY
TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

AND HE CAN RECREATE HIMSELF.

Maria: WELL, I SURROUND
MYSELF WITH PICTURES OF MY DAD

THE WAY I LIKE TO REMEMBER HIM.

AND WHEN I WALK IN THE DOOR,

I JUST TRY TO GO, EVEN
THOUGH I'M 52 YEARS OLD,

"HI, DADDY. I'M YOUR
DAUGHTER MARIA."

I'LL ALWAYS BE HIS
DAUGHTER MARIA.

AND IT'S OKAY IF I HAVE
TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF.

I JUST CONCENTRATE ON THE
FACT THAT I'M LUCKY ENOUGH

TO STILL HAVE MY DAD.