The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. (1993–1994): Season 1, Episode 5 - Socrates' Sister - full transcript
Forget it, Brisco!
You ain't got a chance!
Yeah, looks like
a got a chance to me.
I've been trackin'
Randolph too long.
No way I'm gonna
let you cheat me
out of this bounty.
I hate to disappoint
you, boy. Hyah!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Yah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Get up!
Help! Brisco!
I can't swim!
Try standin' up.
What? Whoo.
What happened
to Gravesend?
Who put
a dang lake here?
Dam.
Alright.
Damnlake.
No. Dam--as in
water barrier.
The Army put it in
last spring.
It was in all the papers.
Come on, you.
Oh, no, you don't,
Brisco.
Jack Randolph is mine!
Sorry. Possession's
9/10 of the law.
Well, that still leaves
1/10 up for grabs!
Hey! Who are you guys?
What do you want?
I'm Brisco County, Jr.
That name mean anything
to you?
No, it doesn't.
I mean, you're making
a big mistake, here.
I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you're a thief,
a murderer,
and I guess
a liar, too, Randolph.
Come on.I didn't kill anybody!
Fellas, listen to me.
I'm not
the Jack Randolph
you're looking for!
You've got
the wrong man!
Well, it may have taken
3 months,
but the U.S. Attorney
is finally convinced
that the man you brought in
really is Jack Randolph,
and that he can get
a conviction.
Of course
he's Jack Randolph.
Well, my employers
are worried.
Those treasury plates
Randolph stole
are still missing.
He could print up
billions of dollars.
The entire country
could be thrown
into bankruptcy.
He can't do much printing
behind bars.
Yes, but everybody knows
he had a secret accomplice.
His accomplice only has
one half of those plates.
How do you know that?
Oh, a little bartender
told me.
Where did you get that?
Poker game
in Stockton.
Somebody tried
to pay off a bet with that.
Like I said,
one plate won't do either
of them any good,
especially after
Randolph swings.
There's something
I haven't told you.
What?
Randolph's hired himself
a top notch attorney
straight from
the East Coast.
As a matter of fact,
she's due here in
my office any minute.
He's got a woman lawyer?
Worse.
She's my sister.
What?
That's right.
My sister Iphigenia.
Boy, when it came to names,
your parents
didn't mess around.
Socrates.
Iphigenia!
You look wonderful.
So do you.
Although you are starting
to get father's hairline.
And you, mother's hips.
BRISCO: Ahem.
How convenient.
You must be...
Brisco County, Jr.
That's right.
How'd you know?
Well, I know everything
there is to know
about my client's case,
Mr. County,
which means I know
everything there is
to know about you.
Oh.
Very fancy.
Oh! Excuse me, Socrates.
Should I set up in here?
No, Wickwire.
I said, the library
across the hall.
Oh, the library.
I'm sorry.
I was, uh...
Hello, Brisco!
Hey, stop on by.
I'd like to show you
my latest invention.
I could use the support.
I'm tryin' to scare up
a little, uh, funding.
I'll be there,
Professor.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm sorry.
I--library. O.K.
So, Miss Poole,
what made you decide
to come out west
to defend the most notorious
master thief of our time?
Very clever, Mr. County.
In one otherwise
benign question,
you've already
found my client guilty
as charged.
Jack Randolph isguilty.
He's as bad as they come.
Don't try and help him.
I agree with you.
Jack Randolph is
a despicable man,
but the problem
here is...
my client is not
the same Jack Randolph.
Then who is he?My Jack Randolph
is an innocent ranch
hand from Gravesend.
Then why hasn't anybody
come forward to back up
his story?
Well, unfortunately,
Gravesend no longer
exists.
All the people
who lived there
are now scattered
to the four winds.
That's pretty flimsy.
Well, the burden of
proof isn't on me,
Socrates.
Or have you forgotten
about civil rights?
Look, the one surviving guard
from the treasury robbery
can identify your client
as the man who shot him.
Well, that guard
was shot from behind
and found face down.
So I rather doubt he
could identify anyone.
Well...you've just got
all the answers
for everything,
don't you?
I know why you're upset.
Jack Randolph
was one of the men
who gunned down
your father, wasn't he?
That's right.
Maybe you should let
that sink in.
I have.
And that's why I know
it's not going to be
too difficult
to convince a jury
that a lawman,
obsessed by revenge,
can make
an honest mistake.
Is that
what you think?
You want Jack Randolph
no matter what it takes,
even if it means
hanging an innocent man.
And on that...
the defense will rest.
Keep your distance,
lady.
Randolph's
a dangerous man.
No more so than
you or I, deputy.
Mr. Randolph?
I'm Iphigenia Poole.
Oh, boy!
Am I happy to see you?
Well, I got here
as soon as I could.
How are they
treating you?
Do you need anything?
Yeah. I need
to get out of here,
but it doesn't look like
that's going to happen.
Please, don't talk
like that.
Why not? It's the truth.
I don't have a chance.
Nobody believes
that I'm innocent.
I believe you.
The letters
that you wrote me--
Well, let's just say
I was very deeply moved.
Thank you. I only wrote
what I felt.
Let me tell you.
Just knowing you were
out there has made all
the difference.
We'll we're gonna get
you out of here.
It's O.K. You don't
have to keep saying that.
I know I'm going to hang.
No, we have a good case.
No, we don't.
You're the only good part
of this nightmare.
I'm only sorry you had
to come all this way
to watch me take
my last breath.
3/4 of the Earth's surface
is covered with water,
and yet we really have
no idea what's down there.
There could be objects
of extreme scientific
importance.
Treasures.
Civilizations even.
This device will open up
a whole new world for us.
Inner space.
Just think of today's
cattle barons.
In a few years,
we can have fish farms
the size of Texas.
Well, I'm impressed,
Professor.
Well, forget the suit.
I got to work on the pitch.
No. No. No.
It sounds incredible.
Does this thing
really work?
Of course it works.
How deep can she go?
Actually...I have no idea.
So far, about 3 feet.
That's why I'm here--
To raise money
for a deep water trial.
Imagine that.
Exploring the bottom
of the ocean.
It's going to happen, Brisco,
whether I do it or not.
It has to. It's science.
Uh, yeah. Yeah,
I believe you.
What's wrong? You look
like you got something
on your mind, Brisco.
Can I help?
Oh, I don't know.
Tell me.
Well,
it's Jack Randolph.
Oh, yeah.
I read about him.
But what's the problem?
You put him in jail.
He's going on trial.
I should think
you'd be thrilled.
Well, my gut says, yes,
but my head says
maybe not.
Maybe I made a mistake.
Do you doubt your instinct
or your judgment?
Well, it's the same
thing, isn't it?
Brisco, if it was
the same thing,
would I be standing here
in a rubber suit,
begging to be plunged
to the bottom of the ocean?
Judgment says
this is crazy!
But instinct--
it sings the truth, son.
It knows what's possible.
It knows the truth.
Yeah, you're right.
I can see you're a man
who's heard that song
all his life.
I suggest you
keep listening.
Trust your gut.
Professor...
you've just helped me
more than you'll
ever know.
Good.
Now...maybe you can
help me.
Yeah, sure.
Would you get me
out of this suit?
I'm gettin' a heat rash.
So, Jack...
I hear you got yourself
a fancy lawyer.
Who's there?
County.
Came by to see
if I could help you pay
for your defense.
Why this is worthless.
Your accomplice
doesn't think so.
He's been tryin'
to pass these off
as legal tender
all across the state.
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
Sure, you do.
I know you got
somethin' up
your sleeve, Randolph,
but it's not
going to work.
Tell me where
you hid your plate,
who your accomplice is,
and maybe I could get
you life in prison.
But at least
it'd be life.
That's mighty kind
of you, County.
Mr. County, what are
you doing in here?
Oh, just havin'
a friendly conversation
with your client.
Nothing you do
is friendly, Mr. County.
Now, you have no right
to be here so...
get out.
See you around...
Jack.
Miss Poole.
What did he say
to you?
That if I couldn't
find somebody
to vouch for me,
I'm dead.
You've got to find a way
to get me out of here,
Ipheginia.
There must be somebody
who knows you.
All we need to do
is establish
reasonable doubt.
Well, there's a woman.
I was with her
the night of the robbery.
Why didn't you
tell me this before?
It'd ruin her life.
She's married.
I was hopin' we'd come up
with somethin' else,
but I can't wait
any longer.
Who is she?
I'll find her.
Even if you could find her,
she'd just deny it to you.
Unless...
Unless what?
Unless
I could speak to her.
You?
That's impossible.
Is it?
What's the occasion?
It's Mr. Randolph's
birthday.
Oh, funny how everyone
always gets to have
their birthday in jail.
Are you going
to give him this cake,
or do I have to get
a court order?
No, ma'am.
You don't need to do that.
I'm a sucker
for devil's food.
Mmm. Ha. Ha. Not bad.
Care for some cake,
fellas?
Yeah!
Hmm. Happy birthday,
Jack!
I can't believe I let
you talk me into this.
There's no other way.
What did you use?
Sleeping powder.
Is that
really necessary?
I'm afraid so.
Aah!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Hurry, darlin'!
Hold on!
Aah!
Ugh.
Nice form.
Throwin' darts
is easy.
Who said anything
about darts?
Brisco, hurry!
Randolph's escaped.What?
He just broke out of jail,
and he took Iphi with him.
He took her hostage?!
Well...
not exactly.
Wait a minute.
She broke him out?
Yes, but there's
a perfectly good explanation.
Oh, and what could
that possibly be?
Love letters.
Randolph wrote dozens
to Iphi before she arrived.
I found them
in her hotel room.
He seduced her.
What? And she never
wrote him back?
Well, what an I say?
She's a great lawyer,
but emotionally, she's a sap.
Love is blind.
And maybe deadly.
Wait for me!
You're not comin'
with me.
She's mysister.She's the reason
Randolph escaped.
Regardless of that.
We've got to help her.
And I amgoing with you.
No. Randolph's got
a 3-hour lead,
and I don't need you
slowin' me down.
Don't worry, Soc,
I'll get her back.
Where would he
take her?
Hart Canyon.
50 miles north.
He's got a hideout
in the northwest
corner.
That'll be
his first stop.
Are you sure?
Oh, yeah!
Good idea, Brisco.
Couldn't have done it
without ya!
He'll have no regard
for her safety.
We've got to go.
Don't worry, Socrates.
There is no hideout
in Hart Canyon.
But there is a bee farm.
Ha ha!
Wait. These men don't
care about my sister.
Boy!
Yes, sir?
I need
your fastest wagon.
I'll be traveling light.
Right away.
Giddy-up!
Hyah!
Take it easy, Mister!
That's a heavy load.
We're on the right trail,
Comet.
What's wrong?
We're being tracked.
It's Brisco County.
How do you know?
Because
I can't see him.
Well, what are
we going to do?
Well, here's the problem.
He's one person
on a horse,
and we're two.
Eventually
he's going to catch us,
unless we can him
slow him down,
saddle him
with some dead weight.
Like what?
Like you.
Aah!
Jack!
That's right,
counselor.
Jack Randolph,
the one and only.
Oh, my God!
Let me give you
a little legal advice.
Nobody is ever
what they seem to be.
Remember that,
you'll live longer.
Thanks for the help!
By the way,
you're fired!
Uhh!
It's him!
He's--he's
Jack Randolph.
Jack Randolph, huh?
He went that way.
Don't you dare
look at me that way!
Now, hurry up.
He went that way.
Come on,
he's gettin' away.
Come on! Let's go!
Help me up!
You know, you and Socrates
seem to think we're all
joined at the hip.
No!
Mr. County!
Ma'am.
You can't
just leave me here!
Watch me.
Mr. County!
You come back here!
Mr. County?
Please!
Ah!
[HOOFBEATS]
Whoo!
Come on, boy!
Hyah!
Whoa.
[CRASH]
Too much weight.
Yeah.
Thank you.
For what?
Not leaving me
back there.
Believe me,
I'm not doing you
any favors.
I promised your brother
I'd bring you back safe.
It's Jack Randolph's horse.
He's come for his half
of the treasury plate.
I bet he hid it
in that cave--
Shh!
Sorry.
Wait here.
We got him now.
[SCRAPING]
Hold it right there,
Jack.
Let me see your hands.
Up now.
[OBJECT DROPS]
Turn around.
Slow and easy.
Hello, Brisco.
Meet my secret
accomplice...
Pete Hutter.
[CACKLES]
"We got him"?
How could you walk
right into a trap
like that?
Ha!
I first saw this
little trick
in a wild west
show...
during my
formative years.
'Course, they
used blanks,
it being
a family show
and all.
Now, you can't have
the kids seeing
all the blood and guts.
Might make them grow up
to be warped.
I'd say you got
about, oh, 15 minutes
before the sun
bakes that rawhide
tight around
your bodies,
crackin' your ribs
and squeezin' your guts
all over tarnation.
Then, after
suitable torment,
this rawhide bakes tight
around the trigger
and bang!
Two first-class,
nonstop tickets
to the afterlife.
Pretty neat, huh?
This is sick!
Let's go, Pete.
We got to make
some money.
You lyin', stinkin' sack
of weasel spit!
Oh.
I know.
Your feelings are hurt.
You feel...
unsure about your
relationships with men.
I know this experience
can be of no help.
I wish I could tell you
you'll regain
your confidence,
but, hell, in a couple
of minutes,
you're going to be
deader than a doornail,
so who cares, really?
Oh, and, uh...
thanks for the gun.
And I'm takin'
your horse.
That kinda rankle ya?
Don't worry, Comet,
I'll catch up
with you later.
You know what I like
about you, Brisco?
Your eternal optimism...
in these...final
tortured moments.
Let's go!
We are gone!
Hyah!
Calm down.
Panicking won't help.
I'm not panicking.
I'm stretching
the rawhide.
Breathe deep.
Do it!
We need room
to move.
I'm...
going to faint.
Not yet, you don't.
We need to turn.
Oh!
Oh. Sorry.
Oh!
Sorry.
O.K.
Lean back.
I can't!
Sure, you can.
Aah!
Aah!
It worked!
Yeah. That was
some kiss, huh?
O.K. now...
Bend over
and chew on this.
I beg your pardon.
The straps.
Chivalry is dead.
Ow!
Sorry.
Bowler!
Howdy...Honey!
Did you actually go
up to Hart Canyon?
Hey. Hey, Bowler,
that was just a joke.
I didn't mean for you
to get your--
There was bees up there.
Were there?
Mad bees!
Well, look, uh...
can you help us
out here?
Maybe cut the ropes,
give us some water?
Heh heh heh.
You are funny, County.
Well, don't waste
your breath.
He's obviously not
going to help us!
Well, go on!
Get out of here!
Hey. She's fun.
Well...
adios, Brisco.
Gotta buzz.
Keep chewing.
Come on.
Please. Please.
Just a little bit
further, and then--
whoa!
Too much weight.
I've got my plate.
So where's yours,
Randolph?
Gravesend.
Stagecoach office.
Under the floorboards.
Gravesend?
The town's buried
under 50 feet of water.
That's right.
So how in hell are we
going to get your plate?
With a fishing pole
of hope
and delusional fantasies
for bait?
"Inner space suit."
That's right.
It's for underwater
exploration.
That's how we're going
to get that plate back.
Ohhh!
Get back here,
you stupid animal!
I's too much
of a rider for ya!
Couldn't handle
Pete Hutter, could ya?
You stupid pachyderm!
Pete, let's not
dwell on this.
Ohh...
Too much weight.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
No water.
One gun.
They're miles
ahead of us,
and we don't even know
where they're going.
I'm such a stupidfool.
Iphigenia.
I believed him.
Everything that
he wrote to me,
everything that he said.
Oh, come on,
don't be so hard
on yourself.
What's done is done.
Thank you.
Iphigenia.
I'm trying to
remember my Greek.
Um...
who was she?
Oh. Uh, the daughter
of Agamemnon...
saved by Artemis
from sacrifice.
Uh...
I thought you went
to Harvard.
I must've slept
through that class,
I guess.
Oh, yeah.
Besides, I didn't
really come from a,
uh, classics kind
of world.
You don't have to be rich
to enjoy the classics.
Bunny and I grew up
dirt poor.
Our mother loved
to read Greek literature.
Our parents sacrificed
everything to send us
to college.
Bunny?
Oh.
That was Socrates'
nickname when he was
growing up.
Whoo.
It's funny. I, uh...
I assumed,
because of
the formal attitude,
that--
You are what you make
of yourself in this world.
You're right
about that.
So I guess you'll be
seeing Socrates
in an entirely
different light
from now on...
huh, Mr....County?
No, probably not.
You know, it's O.K.
to call me Brisco.
We have bonded,
you know...
literally.
True.
And you didkiss me.
Right.
I forgot about that.
Did you?
No.
SOCRATES: Thank God!
IPHIGENIA:
Socrates!
Comet!
Ooh.
What are you
doing here?
I came here
to save you.
Well, I done that.
Save her from you,
if need be.
Thank you, Socrates.
This was an
honorable gesture.
Of course we will table
until later the discussion
about why we're out here
in the first place.
What is that
in Comet's mouth?
Don't look at me.
I didn't even
touch the reigns.
We got to ride.
I thought you said
that we couldn't
track at night.
Thanks to Comet,
We don't have to.
I know where
they're going.
Oh!
Oh, Bunny!
Get the horse!
Hello!
Ha! Now, this is
something you don't
see every day.
Keep watching.
Now it's going to start
to get real interesting.
What are you doing?
Don't be foolish!
You're cutting off
my air!
They took Wickwire
and the suit.
Where to?
Back to the beginning.
By all calculations,
we should be
right over the top
of the stage stop now.
See that? He's
a geographer, too.
Extra bonus.
You ready?
Almost.
Let's put this on,
Professor.
Alrighty.
O.K., now, get
your nose back.
O.K.
Alright. This is
a momentous day,
gentlemen.
I've never field-tested
this before.
What?
Nope. Never deeper
than the water trough.
That plumb line we dropped
showed over 60 feet
of water.
That's 2 atmospheres
of pressure.
Should be
very interesting.
What's he saying?
He thinks you're
going to drown!
Turn it on.
Alright!
Get ready, Jack.
You're about
to become
a man of science!
Let's get wet!
Shouldn't we be doing
something?
Randolph's gonna be
50 feet down.
What do you want me
to do?
Go out there
and wrestle him
in some underwater
life-and-death struggle,
me desperate for air,
him behind glass,
smiling, in an
oxygen-rich environment?
No, thanks. I'll wait till
they get back on shore.
Then I'll get Randolph
and the plate.
Seems sort of...
anticlimactic.
He alive?
Who knows?
Oh, great.
What is that,
a crocodile?
No. This is fresh water,
north of
the 33rd parallel.
It's Bowler.
Hee hee hee hee.
You got some
well-dressed flotsam
in this neck
of the woods.
Damn!
What's wrong?
I can't get
a clean shot.
[GUNSHOT]
Damn!
Aah!
Oh, Lord!
Hey, Bowler!
You got that old
sinking feeling?
Help!
Aw, terrific.
I'm a certified
swimming instructor,
and that man
is drowning!
Aah!
Ahh!
If I didn't need you
to run those pumps,
I'd kill you,
Doctor.
Professor!
Unh!
Give me that oar!
Aah!
You get Bowler.
I'll try and
save Wickwire.
No, no.
Wait. Wait.
Iphigenia, wait.
It's only Bowler!
Oh, God! Oh!
Aah!
Oh, no.
Help!
I can't swim!
Aah!
Iphi!
I'm coming!
Iphi!
Soc!
Got him!
Let me help!
Thank you!
Come on!
How about a little
swim, Brisco?
You're dead, Mr. Wizard.
Got your gun, Pete.
My piece.
That's right--
your piece.
Nobody touches my piece.
Oh?
Hahhh!
My piece!
You threw my piece
in the creek,
you crazy old man!
We got to
winch him up!
He's full of water.
Too much weight.
Out with
the bad air...
in with the good.
Out with
the bad air...
in with the good.
Thanks, Poole.
Thank her.
Thanks, Poole.
Don't mention it.
Out with
the bad air...
Your defense
is obvious--
temporary insanity.
You are grasping
at straws, my dear brother.
I knowingly
aided and abetted
a criminal.
A momentary
lapse in judgment--
that is not a crime.
Unfortunately,
ignorance isn't
a defense.
Neither
is stupidity.
Well--
Now, I deserve
what's coming to me.
I'm not going to see you
carted off to jail
just because you made
a mistake.
Socrates...
I amguilty.
That's irrelevant.
You really do sound
like a lawyer.
I'm U.S. Attorney
Breakstone.
I'm Iphigenia Poole.
It's an honor
to meet you, ma'am.
An honor?
Mr. County explained
everything.
Without your efforts
to recover the lost
treasury plates,
Randolph and Hutter
would have held
this country's entire
monetary system hostage.
On behalf of the
attorney general himself,
I'm proud to release you
from all criminal liability.
I thank you.
Your government
thanks you
for your...
heroic efforts.
[LAUGHS]
Heroic.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Whatever happened
to Pete Hutter?
Oh, don't worry.
He'll show up one day.
Goodbye, Socrates.
I truly enjoyed
this time we had
together.
Me, too.
Sure you got
everything?
More than
I thought I did.
I came with many
preconceptions.
And I'm happy to say
that you reversed
the most important
one.
Mmm.
And as for you,
Brisco...
the west is a lot
more exciting
than I ever
imagined.
How so?
It really is
a romantic place.
Imagine that.
I'm imagining
a lot of things.
Ahem.
Ahem.
All aboard.
Bunny, huh?
You ain't got a chance!
Yeah, looks like
a got a chance to me.
I've been trackin'
Randolph too long.
No way I'm gonna
let you cheat me
out of this bounty.
I hate to disappoint
you, boy. Hyah!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Hyah!
Yah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Get up!
Help! Brisco!
I can't swim!
Try standin' up.
What? Whoo.
What happened
to Gravesend?
Who put
a dang lake here?
Dam.
Alright.
Damnlake.
No. Dam--as in
water barrier.
The Army put it in
last spring.
It was in all the papers.
Come on, you.
Oh, no, you don't,
Brisco.
Jack Randolph is mine!
Sorry. Possession's
9/10 of the law.
Well, that still leaves
1/10 up for grabs!
Hey! Who are you guys?
What do you want?
I'm Brisco County, Jr.
That name mean anything
to you?
No, it doesn't.
I mean, you're making
a big mistake, here.
I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you're a thief,
a murderer,
and I guess
a liar, too, Randolph.
Come on.I didn't kill anybody!
Fellas, listen to me.
I'm not
the Jack Randolph
you're looking for!
You've got
the wrong man!
Well, it may have taken
3 months,
but the U.S. Attorney
is finally convinced
that the man you brought in
really is Jack Randolph,
and that he can get
a conviction.
Of course
he's Jack Randolph.
Well, my employers
are worried.
Those treasury plates
Randolph stole
are still missing.
He could print up
billions of dollars.
The entire country
could be thrown
into bankruptcy.
He can't do much printing
behind bars.
Yes, but everybody knows
he had a secret accomplice.
His accomplice only has
one half of those plates.
How do you know that?
Oh, a little bartender
told me.
Where did you get that?
Poker game
in Stockton.
Somebody tried
to pay off a bet with that.
Like I said,
one plate won't do either
of them any good,
especially after
Randolph swings.
There's something
I haven't told you.
What?
Randolph's hired himself
a top notch attorney
straight from
the East Coast.
As a matter of fact,
she's due here in
my office any minute.
He's got a woman lawyer?
Worse.
She's my sister.
What?
That's right.
My sister Iphigenia.
Boy, when it came to names,
your parents
didn't mess around.
Socrates.
Iphigenia!
You look wonderful.
So do you.
Although you are starting
to get father's hairline.
And you, mother's hips.
BRISCO: Ahem.
How convenient.
You must be...
Brisco County, Jr.
That's right.
How'd you know?
Well, I know everything
there is to know
about my client's case,
Mr. County,
which means I know
everything there is
to know about you.
Oh.
Very fancy.
Oh! Excuse me, Socrates.
Should I set up in here?
No, Wickwire.
I said, the library
across the hall.
Oh, the library.
I'm sorry.
I was, uh...
Hello, Brisco!
Hey, stop on by.
I'd like to show you
my latest invention.
I could use the support.
I'm tryin' to scare up
a little, uh, funding.
I'll be there,
Professor.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm sorry.
I--library. O.K.
So, Miss Poole,
what made you decide
to come out west
to defend the most notorious
master thief of our time?
Very clever, Mr. County.
In one otherwise
benign question,
you've already
found my client guilty
as charged.
Jack Randolph isguilty.
He's as bad as they come.
Don't try and help him.
I agree with you.
Jack Randolph is
a despicable man,
but the problem
here is...
my client is not
the same Jack Randolph.
Then who is he?My Jack Randolph
is an innocent ranch
hand from Gravesend.
Then why hasn't anybody
come forward to back up
his story?
Well, unfortunately,
Gravesend no longer
exists.
All the people
who lived there
are now scattered
to the four winds.
That's pretty flimsy.
Well, the burden of
proof isn't on me,
Socrates.
Or have you forgotten
about civil rights?
Look, the one surviving guard
from the treasury robbery
can identify your client
as the man who shot him.
Well, that guard
was shot from behind
and found face down.
So I rather doubt he
could identify anyone.
Well...you've just got
all the answers
for everything,
don't you?
I know why you're upset.
Jack Randolph
was one of the men
who gunned down
your father, wasn't he?
That's right.
Maybe you should let
that sink in.
I have.
And that's why I know
it's not going to be
too difficult
to convince a jury
that a lawman,
obsessed by revenge,
can make
an honest mistake.
Is that
what you think?
You want Jack Randolph
no matter what it takes,
even if it means
hanging an innocent man.
And on that...
the defense will rest.
Keep your distance,
lady.
Randolph's
a dangerous man.
No more so than
you or I, deputy.
Mr. Randolph?
I'm Iphigenia Poole.
Oh, boy!
Am I happy to see you?
Well, I got here
as soon as I could.
How are they
treating you?
Do you need anything?
Yeah. I need
to get out of here,
but it doesn't look like
that's going to happen.
Please, don't talk
like that.
Why not? It's the truth.
I don't have a chance.
Nobody believes
that I'm innocent.
I believe you.
The letters
that you wrote me--
Well, let's just say
I was very deeply moved.
Thank you. I only wrote
what I felt.
Let me tell you.
Just knowing you were
out there has made all
the difference.
We'll we're gonna get
you out of here.
It's O.K. You don't
have to keep saying that.
I know I'm going to hang.
No, we have a good case.
No, we don't.
You're the only good part
of this nightmare.
I'm only sorry you had
to come all this way
to watch me take
my last breath.
3/4 of the Earth's surface
is covered with water,
and yet we really have
no idea what's down there.
There could be objects
of extreme scientific
importance.
Treasures.
Civilizations even.
This device will open up
a whole new world for us.
Inner space.
Just think of today's
cattle barons.
In a few years,
we can have fish farms
the size of Texas.
Well, I'm impressed,
Professor.
Well, forget the suit.
I got to work on the pitch.
No. No. No.
It sounds incredible.
Does this thing
really work?
Of course it works.
How deep can she go?
Actually...I have no idea.
So far, about 3 feet.
That's why I'm here--
To raise money
for a deep water trial.
Imagine that.
Exploring the bottom
of the ocean.
It's going to happen, Brisco,
whether I do it or not.
It has to. It's science.
Uh, yeah. Yeah,
I believe you.
What's wrong? You look
like you got something
on your mind, Brisco.
Can I help?
Oh, I don't know.
Tell me.
Well,
it's Jack Randolph.
Oh, yeah.
I read about him.
But what's the problem?
You put him in jail.
He's going on trial.
I should think
you'd be thrilled.
Well, my gut says, yes,
but my head says
maybe not.
Maybe I made a mistake.
Do you doubt your instinct
or your judgment?
Well, it's the same
thing, isn't it?
Brisco, if it was
the same thing,
would I be standing here
in a rubber suit,
begging to be plunged
to the bottom of the ocean?
Judgment says
this is crazy!
But instinct--
it sings the truth, son.
It knows what's possible.
It knows the truth.
Yeah, you're right.
I can see you're a man
who's heard that song
all his life.
I suggest you
keep listening.
Trust your gut.
Professor...
you've just helped me
more than you'll
ever know.
Good.
Now...maybe you can
help me.
Yeah, sure.
Would you get me
out of this suit?
I'm gettin' a heat rash.
So, Jack...
I hear you got yourself
a fancy lawyer.
Who's there?
County.
Came by to see
if I could help you pay
for your defense.
Why this is worthless.
Your accomplice
doesn't think so.
He's been tryin'
to pass these off
as legal tender
all across the state.
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
Sure, you do.
I know you got
somethin' up
your sleeve, Randolph,
but it's not
going to work.
Tell me where
you hid your plate,
who your accomplice is,
and maybe I could get
you life in prison.
But at least
it'd be life.
That's mighty kind
of you, County.
Mr. County, what are
you doing in here?
Oh, just havin'
a friendly conversation
with your client.
Nothing you do
is friendly, Mr. County.
Now, you have no right
to be here so...
get out.
See you around...
Jack.
Miss Poole.
What did he say
to you?
That if I couldn't
find somebody
to vouch for me,
I'm dead.
You've got to find a way
to get me out of here,
Ipheginia.
There must be somebody
who knows you.
All we need to do
is establish
reasonable doubt.
Well, there's a woman.
I was with her
the night of the robbery.
Why didn't you
tell me this before?
It'd ruin her life.
She's married.
I was hopin' we'd come up
with somethin' else,
but I can't wait
any longer.
Who is she?
I'll find her.
Even if you could find her,
she'd just deny it to you.
Unless...
Unless what?
Unless
I could speak to her.
You?
That's impossible.
Is it?
What's the occasion?
It's Mr. Randolph's
birthday.
Oh, funny how everyone
always gets to have
their birthday in jail.
Are you going
to give him this cake,
or do I have to get
a court order?
No, ma'am.
You don't need to do that.
I'm a sucker
for devil's food.
Mmm. Ha. Ha. Not bad.
Care for some cake,
fellas?
Yeah!
Hmm. Happy birthday,
Jack!
I can't believe I let
you talk me into this.
There's no other way.
What did you use?
Sleeping powder.
Is that
really necessary?
I'm afraid so.
Aah!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Hurry, darlin'!
Hold on!
Aah!
Ugh.
Nice form.
Throwin' darts
is easy.
Who said anything
about darts?
Brisco, hurry!
Randolph's escaped.What?
He just broke out of jail,
and he took Iphi with him.
He took her hostage?!
Well...
not exactly.
Wait a minute.
She broke him out?
Yes, but there's
a perfectly good explanation.
Oh, and what could
that possibly be?
Love letters.
Randolph wrote dozens
to Iphi before she arrived.
I found them
in her hotel room.
He seduced her.
What? And she never
wrote him back?
Well, what an I say?
She's a great lawyer,
but emotionally, she's a sap.
Love is blind.
And maybe deadly.
Wait for me!
You're not comin'
with me.
She's mysister.She's the reason
Randolph escaped.
Regardless of that.
We've got to help her.
And I amgoing with you.
No. Randolph's got
a 3-hour lead,
and I don't need you
slowin' me down.
Don't worry, Soc,
I'll get her back.
Where would he
take her?
Hart Canyon.
50 miles north.
He's got a hideout
in the northwest
corner.
That'll be
his first stop.
Are you sure?
Oh, yeah!
Good idea, Brisco.
Couldn't have done it
without ya!
He'll have no regard
for her safety.
We've got to go.
Don't worry, Socrates.
There is no hideout
in Hart Canyon.
But there is a bee farm.
Ha ha!
Wait. These men don't
care about my sister.
Boy!
Yes, sir?
I need
your fastest wagon.
I'll be traveling light.
Right away.
Giddy-up!
Hyah!
Take it easy, Mister!
That's a heavy load.
We're on the right trail,
Comet.
What's wrong?
We're being tracked.
It's Brisco County.
How do you know?
Because
I can't see him.
Well, what are
we going to do?
Well, here's the problem.
He's one person
on a horse,
and we're two.
Eventually
he's going to catch us,
unless we can him
slow him down,
saddle him
with some dead weight.
Like what?
Like you.
Aah!
Jack!
That's right,
counselor.
Jack Randolph,
the one and only.
Oh, my God!
Let me give you
a little legal advice.
Nobody is ever
what they seem to be.
Remember that,
you'll live longer.
Thanks for the help!
By the way,
you're fired!
Uhh!
It's him!
He's--he's
Jack Randolph.
Jack Randolph, huh?
He went that way.
Don't you dare
look at me that way!
Now, hurry up.
He went that way.
Come on,
he's gettin' away.
Come on! Let's go!
Help me up!
You know, you and Socrates
seem to think we're all
joined at the hip.
No!
Mr. County!
Ma'am.
You can't
just leave me here!
Watch me.
Mr. County!
You come back here!
Mr. County?
Please!
Ah!
[HOOFBEATS]
Whoo!
Come on, boy!
Hyah!
Whoa.
[CRASH]
Too much weight.
Yeah.
Thank you.
For what?
Not leaving me
back there.
Believe me,
I'm not doing you
any favors.
I promised your brother
I'd bring you back safe.
It's Jack Randolph's horse.
He's come for his half
of the treasury plate.
I bet he hid it
in that cave--
Shh!
Sorry.
Wait here.
We got him now.
[SCRAPING]
Hold it right there,
Jack.
Let me see your hands.
Up now.
[OBJECT DROPS]
Turn around.
Slow and easy.
Hello, Brisco.
Meet my secret
accomplice...
Pete Hutter.
[CACKLES]
"We got him"?
How could you walk
right into a trap
like that?
Ha!
I first saw this
little trick
in a wild west
show...
during my
formative years.
'Course, they
used blanks,
it being
a family show
and all.
Now, you can't have
the kids seeing
all the blood and guts.
Might make them grow up
to be warped.
I'd say you got
about, oh, 15 minutes
before the sun
bakes that rawhide
tight around
your bodies,
crackin' your ribs
and squeezin' your guts
all over tarnation.
Then, after
suitable torment,
this rawhide bakes tight
around the trigger
and bang!
Two first-class,
nonstop tickets
to the afterlife.
Pretty neat, huh?
This is sick!
Let's go, Pete.
We got to make
some money.
You lyin', stinkin' sack
of weasel spit!
Oh.
I know.
Your feelings are hurt.
You feel...
unsure about your
relationships with men.
I know this experience
can be of no help.
I wish I could tell you
you'll regain
your confidence,
but, hell, in a couple
of minutes,
you're going to be
deader than a doornail,
so who cares, really?
Oh, and, uh...
thanks for the gun.
And I'm takin'
your horse.
That kinda rankle ya?
Don't worry, Comet,
I'll catch up
with you later.
You know what I like
about you, Brisco?
Your eternal optimism...
in these...final
tortured moments.
Let's go!
We are gone!
Hyah!
Calm down.
Panicking won't help.
I'm not panicking.
I'm stretching
the rawhide.
Breathe deep.
Do it!
We need room
to move.
I'm...
going to faint.
Not yet, you don't.
We need to turn.
Oh!
Oh. Sorry.
Oh!
Sorry.
O.K.
Lean back.
I can't!
Sure, you can.
Aah!
Aah!
It worked!
Yeah. That was
some kiss, huh?
O.K. now...
Bend over
and chew on this.
I beg your pardon.
The straps.
Chivalry is dead.
Ow!
Sorry.
Bowler!
Howdy...Honey!
Did you actually go
up to Hart Canyon?
Hey. Hey, Bowler,
that was just a joke.
I didn't mean for you
to get your--
There was bees up there.
Were there?
Mad bees!
Well, look, uh...
can you help us
out here?
Maybe cut the ropes,
give us some water?
Heh heh heh.
You are funny, County.
Well, don't waste
your breath.
He's obviously not
going to help us!
Well, go on!
Get out of here!
Hey. She's fun.
Well...
adios, Brisco.
Gotta buzz.
Keep chewing.
Come on.
Please. Please.
Just a little bit
further, and then--
whoa!
Too much weight.
I've got my plate.
So where's yours,
Randolph?
Gravesend.
Stagecoach office.
Under the floorboards.
Gravesend?
The town's buried
under 50 feet of water.
That's right.
So how in hell are we
going to get your plate?
With a fishing pole
of hope
and delusional fantasies
for bait?
"Inner space suit."
That's right.
It's for underwater
exploration.
That's how we're going
to get that plate back.
Ohhh!
Get back here,
you stupid animal!
I's too much
of a rider for ya!
Couldn't handle
Pete Hutter, could ya?
You stupid pachyderm!
Pete, let's not
dwell on this.
Ohh...
Too much weight.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
No water.
One gun.
They're miles
ahead of us,
and we don't even know
where they're going.
I'm such a stupidfool.
Iphigenia.
I believed him.
Everything that
he wrote to me,
everything that he said.
Oh, come on,
don't be so hard
on yourself.
What's done is done.
Thank you.
Iphigenia.
I'm trying to
remember my Greek.
Um...
who was she?
Oh. Uh, the daughter
of Agamemnon...
saved by Artemis
from sacrifice.
Uh...
I thought you went
to Harvard.
I must've slept
through that class,
I guess.
Oh, yeah.
Besides, I didn't
really come from a,
uh, classics kind
of world.
You don't have to be rich
to enjoy the classics.
Bunny and I grew up
dirt poor.
Our mother loved
to read Greek literature.
Our parents sacrificed
everything to send us
to college.
Bunny?
Oh.
That was Socrates'
nickname when he was
growing up.
Whoo.
It's funny. I, uh...
I assumed,
because of
the formal attitude,
that--
You are what you make
of yourself in this world.
You're right
about that.
So I guess you'll be
seeing Socrates
in an entirely
different light
from now on...
huh, Mr....County?
No, probably not.
You know, it's O.K.
to call me Brisco.
We have bonded,
you know...
literally.
True.
And you didkiss me.
Right.
I forgot about that.
Did you?
No.
SOCRATES: Thank God!
IPHIGENIA:
Socrates!
Comet!
Ooh.
What are you
doing here?
I came here
to save you.
Well, I done that.
Save her from you,
if need be.
Thank you, Socrates.
This was an
honorable gesture.
Of course we will table
until later the discussion
about why we're out here
in the first place.
What is that
in Comet's mouth?
Don't look at me.
I didn't even
touch the reigns.
We got to ride.
I thought you said
that we couldn't
track at night.
Thanks to Comet,
We don't have to.
I know where
they're going.
Oh!
Oh, Bunny!
Get the horse!
Hello!
Ha! Now, this is
something you don't
see every day.
Keep watching.
Now it's going to start
to get real interesting.
What are you doing?
Don't be foolish!
You're cutting off
my air!
They took Wickwire
and the suit.
Where to?
Back to the beginning.
By all calculations,
we should be
right over the top
of the stage stop now.
See that? He's
a geographer, too.
Extra bonus.
You ready?
Almost.
Let's put this on,
Professor.
Alrighty.
O.K., now, get
your nose back.
O.K.
Alright. This is
a momentous day,
gentlemen.
I've never field-tested
this before.
What?
Nope. Never deeper
than the water trough.
That plumb line we dropped
showed over 60 feet
of water.
That's 2 atmospheres
of pressure.
Should be
very interesting.
What's he saying?
He thinks you're
going to drown!
Turn it on.
Alright!
Get ready, Jack.
You're about
to become
a man of science!
Let's get wet!
Shouldn't we be doing
something?
Randolph's gonna be
50 feet down.
What do you want me
to do?
Go out there
and wrestle him
in some underwater
life-and-death struggle,
me desperate for air,
him behind glass,
smiling, in an
oxygen-rich environment?
No, thanks. I'll wait till
they get back on shore.
Then I'll get Randolph
and the plate.
Seems sort of...
anticlimactic.
He alive?
Who knows?
Oh, great.
What is that,
a crocodile?
No. This is fresh water,
north of
the 33rd parallel.
It's Bowler.
Hee hee hee hee.
You got some
well-dressed flotsam
in this neck
of the woods.
Damn!
What's wrong?
I can't get
a clean shot.
[GUNSHOT]
Damn!
Aah!
Oh, Lord!
Hey, Bowler!
You got that old
sinking feeling?
Help!
Aw, terrific.
I'm a certified
swimming instructor,
and that man
is drowning!
Aah!
Ahh!
If I didn't need you
to run those pumps,
I'd kill you,
Doctor.
Professor!
Unh!
Give me that oar!
Aah!
You get Bowler.
I'll try and
save Wickwire.
No, no.
Wait. Wait.
Iphigenia, wait.
It's only Bowler!
Oh, God! Oh!
Aah!
Oh, no.
Help!
I can't swim!
Aah!
Iphi!
I'm coming!
Iphi!
Soc!
Got him!
Let me help!
Thank you!
Come on!
How about a little
swim, Brisco?
You're dead, Mr. Wizard.
Got your gun, Pete.
My piece.
That's right--
your piece.
Nobody touches my piece.
Oh?
Hahhh!
My piece!
You threw my piece
in the creek,
you crazy old man!
We got to
winch him up!
He's full of water.
Too much weight.
Out with
the bad air...
in with the good.
Out with
the bad air...
in with the good.
Thanks, Poole.
Thank her.
Thanks, Poole.
Don't mention it.
Out with
the bad air...
Your defense
is obvious--
temporary insanity.
You are grasping
at straws, my dear brother.
I knowingly
aided and abetted
a criminal.
A momentary
lapse in judgment--
that is not a crime.
Unfortunately,
ignorance isn't
a defense.
Neither
is stupidity.
Well--
Now, I deserve
what's coming to me.
I'm not going to see you
carted off to jail
just because you made
a mistake.
Socrates...
I amguilty.
That's irrelevant.
You really do sound
like a lawyer.
I'm U.S. Attorney
Breakstone.
I'm Iphigenia Poole.
It's an honor
to meet you, ma'am.
An honor?
Mr. County explained
everything.
Without your efforts
to recover the lost
treasury plates,
Randolph and Hutter
would have held
this country's entire
monetary system hostage.
On behalf of the
attorney general himself,
I'm proud to release you
from all criminal liability.
I thank you.
Your government
thanks you
for your...
heroic efforts.
[LAUGHS]
Heroic.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Whatever happened
to Pete Hutter?
Oh, don't worry.
He'll show up one day.
Goodbye, Socrates.
I truly enjoyed
this time we had
together.
Me, too.
Sure you got
everything?
More than
I thought I did.
I came with many
preconceptions.
And I'm happy to say
that you reversed
the most important
one.
Mmm.
And as for you,
Brisco...
the west is a lot
more exciting
than I ever
imagined.
How so?
It really is
a romantic place.
Imagine that.
I'm imagining
a lot of things.
Ahem.
Ahem.
All aboard.
Bunny, huh?