The A-Team (1983–1987): Season 2, Episode 4 - Bad Time on the Border - full transcript
A young girl touches B.A.'s heart when she tells him the sordid tale of how a group of smugglers south of the border trafficking in slave labor are holding her mother who is dying and B.A. "encourages" the team to go along and break up the ring. Hannibal sets himself up as a potential "client" of the organization, but when the team loses track of the truck their leader is in, the colonel finds himself alone and in trouble -- he's placed in solitary confinement in a tin box baking in the sun -- and the A-team must find the compound before their leader and Maria's mom die.
In 1972, a crack commando unit
was sent to prison by a military court...
for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped
from a maximum-security stockade...
to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...
and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Mamá!
Come on, get up here.
- Where's her mother?
- In that hut, Mr. Taggart. She's real sick.
Fever keeps climbing. She'll die soon.
I guess Prince thinks
I'm running an infirmary here.
That's the second time this month
he's sent me sick people.
That ain't good business.
Good paying customers
want good, healthy Mexicans.
- What about the others?
- They're okay.
- What're you gonna do about her?
- I'm gonna keep her.
Give her a shot of penicillin or something.
If it works, fine. If it doesn't, tough.
- We aren't paid for dead ones.
- Yes, sir.
I want you to keep your eye
on these people.
Any more sick ones, I wanna know.
The last thing I need
is to be a middleman between Prince...
and a bunch of sick Mexicans.
You understand?
What time does Presley expect
this load in LA?
Just as soon as you stop asking questions.
Let's go. Come on.
Let's go. Come on.
We gotta get the weight out of the truck.
I'll move them in that field over there
while you're changing the tire.
Come on!
Hold it!
Forget it. We don't have time.
Are you kidding?
Every one of those illegals is worth $800.
Taggart will dock us $400 apiece,
and that's just for starters.
We'll tell Taggart she fell out of that truck
while it was moving and didn't make it.
At least, she wasn't worth no $800
when we found her.
Let's go. Come on.
Come on, move it out.
Come on, get in there. Let's go, come on.
Pay attention, little brother.
You ain't supposed to be checking out
nothing but the ball.
I don't wanna play this dumb game.
I'm going home.
No, Robert, don't go.
All you gotta do is tighten up on your grip
and take your time.
I know you can do it. Come on, try it again.
Good hit.
Keep practicing.
Hi. Would you like to play?
- What's your name?
- Maria.
Do you live around here?
Would you like to be my friend?
Yoo-hoo!
Hi, over there! Ahoy!
Mr. Peck...
we just can't seem to get
this bowline knot tied right.
Could you please come over
and show us again?
I'm sorry, Cherise, honey.
I can't do it right now.
I'm sort of busy here.
Why don't you just halyard
your spinnaker pole?
I'll come back and check
your top action winch when I get a chance.
How about that?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
I'm sorry about the interruption, B.A.
These coeds are souls
without a man to guide them.
- How's it going with Maria?
- She's okay.
B.A., how do you know for sure...
that Maria's mother's in a compound
on the Mexican border?
She told me, man, but she ain't sure
her mother hasn't been moved.
Didn't you say that
Maria said her mom is really sick?
Yeah, real sick. And if we don't help,
she won't have anybody in the world.
Whoever separated them
isn't big on human dignity.
When I get finished with them,
they gonna be real big on pain.
Now, who's helping? Time's a-wasting.
Who could resist?
I gotta move this guy's yacht
within 24 hours anyway.
I'm just looking after it while he's gone.
So why don't we take the boat to Mexico
right now and look for Maria's mom?
- We'd get it back in time.
- That sounds good to me.
Maybe we could get Cherise and her friends
to come along, in case we need help.
You're right, B.A., better to travel light.
Before we go running off to Mexico, maybe
we could save ourselves some trouble.
B.A., the vehicle that Maria ran away from...
- do you have any idea where it was going?
- Yeah.
The name was written
on the side of the truck.
It says "Presley Casuals."
Maria said she was sure of it.
It's a jail with a designer label.
Hannibal, this place is real bad, man.
Face, you got the immigration stuff?
Hey!
- This is good. How'd you do that?
- You serious?
Come on, Robbie, what is this stuff?
Pre-welded?
Tell you what.
I'll Federal Express you some good stuff.
You'd better. It's a heck of a lot easier
than showing up in court.
- Presley?
- You people have an appointment?
Immigration.
We want a woman named Delia Navarotte,
or information about her whereabouts.
You're wasting time.
I got a revolving door there.
They're not dumb enough
to give their real names.
Check your employment roster.
Then we don't need a warrant, right?
Why me? There are 50 places around here
with 10 times the violations.
We're waiting, pal.
I'll see what I can find out about her, okay?
You mind if I try some of this on
while we're waiting?
No, help yourself. What's your size?
My size is the amount of space I fill up.
Thanks for asking though, bro.
Hannibal, this guy is lying.
He knows more than he's telling.
I can feel it.
That's okay, B.A.
He's scared. That's what we want.
He's out there.
I know he's out there.
That devil of a whale I have chased so long.
The white whale.
The living ghost,
with the harpoons of 100 men...
in his back, and yet he still swims on.
How that ghost haunts my soul...
my mind.
What mind? Cool it, Murdock.
We're here on serious business.
Must be high tide.
I'm sorry. She's not here.
But I wouldn't want you
to think that...
I wasn't willing to play ball with you.
A bribe?
Oh, boy.
The texture of America
is destroyed by bribes. Did you know that?
Yeah, it's disgusting.
And, Presley, you're lying.
- We want to see her.
- Look, I haven't got her.
So why don't you call this jewelry store
off me, okay?
That's hard to do. Very hard to do.
Maybe I can make it easier for you. Guys!
All right, jack.
You better tell us where the lady's at...
before I put you
out of business permanently.
All I know is when I need people,
I call this guy, Prince.
That's it. That's all I know.
He's the guy you want, not me.
- Where's Prince?
- A bar in Tijuana. El Lobo.
That's good, Presley.
That might just keep you in one piece.
Assuming it's all true
and we find Delia Navarotte.
You're never gonna know where we are,
but we know where you are.
If you're lying,
or if you warn Prince...
we'll be back and pull your drapes for good.
Got it?
Been unconscious
almost a day now.
Call Prince.
Tell him to send some penicillin.
Or a shovel.
Come on, join in, Herman.
Murdock, that bug of yours
is gonna die young.
I already told you, B.A. This is not a bug.
It is Herman Melville traveling incognito...
because he does not want
to arouse suspicion.
I mean, Gandhi didn't wear
a Hawaiian shirt, right?
Right, guy?
Hurry up, Face. Let me in the bathroom.
I'm seasick, too.
Yeah, come on out, Face.
Show us how to navigate by the stars.
Hannibal, I don't mean to be pushy...
but do you have an idea as to what
we're gonna do once we get to Mexico?
Yeah. What about a plan?
You're a terrific shade of green.
Brings out the color of your eyes.
You don't have a plan, do you?
Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.
Heavy seas, me mateys!
Cinch up the anchor chains...
and watch for the birds, Mr. Melville.
For the white devil rises...
from the depths where the birds be circling.
Circling round and round.
We should have taken a plane. Right, B.A.?
Prince. My name is Sergio.
- So?
- Sergio Borges.
I specialize in custom-free transportation,
you know what I mean?
You are the man who will take me
across the border.
Who told you that, Sergio?
A friend of mine did business with you.
And if you do not take your hand off of me,
your family will wear black.
Get out of here.
Nobody threatens me.
I have to be across the border by tomorrow.
Ordinarily, I would not
spend so much. I can cross easy.
Right now, I'm hot.
I've been falsely accused of murder.
Well, if you want to cross, it's $1,600.
$800 tonight, the other $800 you work off
at the job in America.
I will not be working in America.
- I have a very successful career.
- Oh, yeah.
That's why you can't get across without me?
Excuse me.
Now you got a watch, Garcia.
Go to San Ramón, 20 miles from here...
at noon tomorrow.
And don't be late,
or you'll lose the money and your chance.
One more thing, senor.
Got the time?
Oh, Sergio.
Hey, you better go buy yourself a watch.
Make sure you're on time tomorrow.
See how easy it is to see the world?
Get out of here.
- US Border Patrol.
- Give me Lt. Taggart.
Yeah, this is Taggart.
- Full load tomorrow at noon at San Ramón.
- All right, Prince. I'll be there.
But I don't want any more sick people
being pushed on me, understand?
I got one dying now.
And I don't get paid for dead...
This dude, Prince,
is working for the US Border Patrol.
...they're strong as bulls.
You treat them wrong.
Tomorrow morning, Prince,
I start checking every one of them.
And it better be tight.
Move it, Pedro.
Those guys look awfully nasty.
Most guys with guns usually do.
I hope Hannibal knows
what he's doing.
We'll be there
when Hannibal gets out.
Besides, Herman said his accent
is a work of art. He used to work at the UN.
Okay, kiddies, let's have your jewelry.
Chop-chop.
Pedro, huh?
That's cute. Where'd you get that?
We've already paid you good money...
and now you rob us of everything?
No. Now, you give us back...
Yes, sir, a Mexican vacation
can be the experience of a lifetime.
Now, I don't care
what anybody told you before.
I'm telling you now, your life is changed.
It ain't yours anymore. It's mine.
Shut your mouth, do what you're told,
and you'll be all right. You understand me?
I only warn one time.
Come on! Let's go!
Move it! Come on!
They're moving. Let's go. I
wanna get there in time to back up Hannibal.
Come on.
- B.A., what are you doing?
- Something broke in the steering.
We ain't going nowhere. It's the steering.
Herman says it's more like no steering at all,
for you accuracy buffs.
Besides, Herman will help us.
He's got a million good ideas.
I sure hope he has a good one now.
Open up.
All right, everybody out.
Welcome to the land of opportunity.
Okay, guys, let's go!
Face, Murdock, B.A.
Great.
Wanted to make sure it worked.
Heat is murder on those weapons.
My travel agent told me I was supposed
to be on an ocean cruise. I guess I got lost.
You got a lot of funny lines, mister.
But what I want to know
is who you really are.
Let's say I'm a one-man warning team.
In just a little bit...
a bunch of ex-Green Berets
are gonna climb all over your peace of mind.
In just a little bit, you're gonna get it,
if you don't tell me who you are.
Think of me
as a concerned historian.
It's about 122 years
since slavery was outlawed in this country.
I figured a slime like you
needed to be educated.
Put him in the tin can.
We'll see who wants to talk then.
If I remember,
I'll come back and see you after a while.
You don't mind if I
hang a few pictures in here, do you?
- How are we doing, B.A.?
- What do you mean "we"?
You ain't under here
getting greasy and dirty.
I don't think we need Face
down here. I honestly don't.
Thanks to Herman, we'll have
this steering linkage fixed in no time.
He knew exactly what to do.
He didn't think of it.
You thought of it, not the bug.
You flatter me, monsieur.
No, Herman is the idea man.
I merely translate his brilliance...
for all of mankind.
- Shut up! You're driving me crazy!
- You guys, we gotta go find Hannibal.
We were supposed to be there
two hours ago.
- Yeah, but where's there?
- What'd you say, little buddy?
Herman, that is a great idea.
It's perfect!
Herman said all we gotta do
is scam the information from Prince.
- I'll squash that bug!
- B.A., did you fix the van?
Yeah. It'll do.
But this fool rides in the back.
Of course,
we'll have to get around some muscle.
Prince is bound to have
some of his buzzards in his scuzzy little bar.
Amy, break out your heels, honey.
You're going in.
Shooter. With lime, honey.
Doggone it! You are cute, you know that?
The name's Prince.
Like in "Charming," I'll bet.
Dakota Haynes. Person to person.
How you doing?
I am sure glad I found this place,
I can tell you that.
Donny had to go off in his dinghy...
with his pinhead associates,
hunting those stupid little ducks.
There I was, all alone on the Woody Hayes.
That's Donny's yacht.
Just getting thirstier...
and thirstier.
This Donny, he your husband?
Just a boyfriend.
He loves to come down here and
shoot those cute little Mexican mallards.
I don't know.
You just ask me, I think it's mean.
I don't want you to get me wrong.
I mean, I hate ducks myself.
Except for those...
big lips they got.
I just...
love...
big lips.
Yeah? Wow.
Dakota, honest to Pete!
Don't you ever learn?
Criminy, I knew I'd find you
in a dump like this.
Dear Lord, it's Jerry.
He works for Donny,
and he's just a plain little weasel.
You gotta do something.
We're all booked up in here,
friend. Why don't you take a hike?
Donny feels terrible
about leaving you alone, Dakota...
but the duck boat sank.
Willy Ray nearly drowned.
Could I have a diet pop, please?
Donny's real depressed, Dakota.
You ought to seen him, treading water
with all them ducks floating around...
mocking him, all arrogant like.
Come on back, pumpkin.
Donny wants to make up.
Can't you just get him out of here?
He's ruining our fun.
Jones, Garcia, why don't you show Jerry
here what a nice street we got outside?
This is a private matter.
Make sure when he lands,
he don't hit my car.
The joke's over.
Dakota, you're gonna be real sorry
you made this choice.
Donny doesn't take
just anybody duck hunting.
Hi.
I'm Donny and this is Marie.
Quack, quack, sugar.
A smart man would tell us where that truck
went when it left San Ramón.
You're in heavy fog.
You're running illegal aliens,
making money from other people's bad luck.
- Fog starting to clear?
- You got a choice, jack.
You either talk or you hurt!
You guys can't get away
with coming in here like this.
Yes, we can. We're extremely lucky people.
And those friends of yours out there aren't
gonna be able to help you for quite a while.
Mama! Look what I found here.
I'll bet you make
one deadly margarita, Prince.
Now, we're gonna find our friends
using you as a navigator...
and that car of yours outside for wheels.
And we better not be disappointed,
'cause there's a little girl...
my friend B.A. here
wants to see smile again.
That's right, jack. You understand?
Bet you've never seen that much change.
Hey, friend. You hear me?
What about my iced tea?
Didn't anybody get my order?
- I want to talk about your lousy service.
- Still coming with the jokes?
You know how hot it gets in here, mister?
I've seen two men die.
And it ain't even noon yet.
I'll tell you something, Taggart.
I was in one of Ho Chi Minh's death camps
and I made it.
You're just an amateur.
Get him out of here and put him
with those people we're gonna ship out.
Get on the road, get going good,
and dump him out the back.
That way, we ditch him...
and we save cleaning up the mess.
Spanish is not necessary.
My name is Carlos.
You're here for a reason, senor?
Yes, I'm looking for the mother
of a little girl...
who was sent out of here
a couple of days ago.
Her name is Delia Navarotte.
Her daughter says she's very sick.
I've come to help her.
Yeah, she's here, senor.
She's a very sick woman. They say hepatitis.
Maybe she's lucky if she dies.
My friends get here, we'll get her a doctor.
I hope you have many friends
because it's not easy to fight these men.
Believe me, we have tried.
But they're very good liars.
That's why we're here.
And now they have the guns,
so we have to stay.
My friends get here, Fernando...
we'll get out. We'll all get out.
Don't cry, Maria. We'll get your mother back
for you real soon.
You got my word on that.
Now you listen to Cherise
and her friends, okay?
And don't stay up late.
Eat all your greens, now.
Remember, I love you. I'll see you soon.
Now where's the attendant?
I just asked him to split for a while.
Mr. Prince was nice enough
to give him some spending money.
You think it's bad now, sucker...
wait till you find out
what we're gonna do to your fancy ride.
Let's do it!
Time to move.
Murdock, you gonna give us
some air support?
You got it.
And you...
you got it mean, buddy.
I hope you got cast iron guts...
'cause you never seen
the hard side of Herman.
Later.
You said the other truck was coming.
You better hope so,
'cause we gonna need it. Come on.
- Howdy. You speak English?
- Yes, sir. Pretty good.
Boy, how lucky can a man get.
Name's Danielson. US Secret Service.
I'm Roberto.
Neat. The "O" on the end
really brings it to life. Roberto.
You have a helicopter here, do you not?
Yes, I see you do.
- It's not my helicopter, senor.
- That doesn't matter, Bob.
What we got are Ruskie spy teams
sneaking across the border.
- We gotta get a look ourselves up in the air.
- But, senor...
Otherwise, it's Big Macs today,
borscht tomorrow. You know what I mean?
- I cannot...
- I know what you're thinking:
"What are all these guys doing out here?"
Good question. I only wish I had an answer.
But the important thing right now is
to make sure you have your family hidden.
Underground is the smartest.
Usually 20 or 30 feet.
Fallout, makes your hair come out.
I'm gonna get
a little personal here with you.
I like you better
with a little fuzz on your noggin.
- Underground?
- Nukes!
And don't think it can't
happen here, Obby-bay.
Let me give you a scenario.
You're dancing with your honey,
and you look out to the horizon...
and you see this orange glow.
All of a sudden... You are an onion ring.
Look at that horizon
and look for that orange glow.
You are good people. I love that!
Going up!
They got him?
And the car?
- Taggart.
- It was a setup.
- What?
- There was three guys and a woman.
- They got the jump on Garcia and me.
- They get Prince?
Yeah, they got him.
I just had a feeling
we were gonna have a visit.
- What are they driving?
- Prince's car. It's gone.
Close that place up and get out.
Remember, you never heard of that bar.
- Right.
- And you never heard of me.
Especially, buddy, you never heard of me.
Cooper.
Three Americans busted into Prince's place
and drug him out.
I just got a call from one of our friends.
I know. It's your friends,
aren't they, hero?
What do you think? Yours or mine?
Awful fast if it's one of yours.
Get away from the gate!
Get in the back. Turn your back to the fence!
- Friends?
- Yeah.
Everybody down!
It looks like we found it in time,
Herman, my man.
Molotov cocktail hour is in session.
We gonna kick some rump.
Hold onto your feelers.
Let's go!
You better have a hell of a lawyer.
Hannibal! She's in here!
How is she?
I don't think she's gonna make it, Hannibal.
She's burning up.
I'll get her to the chopper.
You go with Murdock.
Take her to the hospital.
Fool! Any more stupid ideas?
Is Maria's mother gonna be all right?
I hope so.
I think we got her just in time.
All right.
Now whose plan was this?
Not mine.
Not mine.
Then whose?
Murdock.
It was Murdock's.
No, it wasn't.
Sandwiches are ready, everybody.
Take your pick.
We've got chicken,
peanut butter, and carrot.
- Carrot?
- There you go.
Not bad.
Weird. Try it.
Hey, Allen...
what came over the ticker on Taggart
and his merry men?
We got a wire from
our El Centro Bureau this morning.
Apparently a border patrol lieutenant,
Jack Taggart...
and 15 of his cohorts were jailed...
for transporting illegal aliens
across the border...
assault, robbery, and attempted slavery.
B.A., I talked to that
producer friend of mine.
He's gonna sponsor Maria and her mom.
They'll live in his Beverly Hills mansion,
collect a nice salary...
and have the rare opportunity of studying...
a gigantic American ego up close.
That's good, man.
Just a minute, Herman.
I just gotta get this crease, here.
What's that fool doing?
Trying to launch that bug into outer space?
His work is completed here with us,
on this level of reality...
and he's gotta get on.
He's needed elsewhere.
- Hannibal, that fool is nuttier than ever.
- Perhaps.
But I feel like a better man for having been
around him, even for a few days.
That's very touching, Murdock.
Dumb seems more like it.
Where are you sending him, Murdock?
To a better place.
To a place where, perhaps,
he'll write a new chapter...
in the life of Maria and her mother.
To that yacht, right over there.
There's a lady bug over there,
reading a book.
It could be, who knows, Jane Austen.
Goodbye, buddy. I'll never forget you.
Write if you can, and if you can't, call me.
Collect. But call after midnight,
'cause the rates are cheaper.
Marie, there's a cockroach
in my potato salad!
Even great authors get the munchies!
Bring me a shoe!
was sent to prison by a military court...
for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped
from a maximum-security stockade...
to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government,
they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...
and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Mamá!
Come on, get up here.
- Where's her mother?
- In that hut, Mr. Taggart. She's real sick.
Fever keeps climbing. She'll die soon.
I guess Prince thinks
I'm running an infirmary here.
That's the second time this month
he's sent me sick people.
That ain't good business.
Good paying customers
want good, healthy Mexicans.
- What about the others?
- They're okay.
- What're you gonna do about her?
- I'm gonna keep her.
Give her a shot of penicillin or something.
If it works, fine. If it doesn't, tough.
- We aren't paid for dead ones.
- Yes, sir.
I want you to keep your eye
on these people.
Any more sick ones, I wanna know.
The last thing I need
is to be a middleman between Prince...
and a bunch of sick Mexicans.
You understand?
What time does Presley expect
this load in LA?
Just as soon as you stop asking questions.
Let's go. Come on.
Let's go. Come on.
We gotta get the weight out of the truck.
I'll move them in that field over there
while you're changing the tire.
Come on!
Hold it!
Forget it. We don't have time.
Are you kidding?
Every one of those illegals is worth $800.
Taggart will dock us $400 apiece,
and that's just for starters.
We'll tell Taggart she fell out of that truck
while it was moving and didn't make it.
At least, she wasn't worth no $800
when we found her.
Let's go. Come on.
Come on, move it out.
Come on, get in there. Let's go, come on.
Pay attention, little brother.
You ain't supposed to be checking out
nothing but the ball.
I don't wanna play this dumb game.
I'm going home.
No, Robert, don't go.
All you gotta do is tighten up on your grip
and take your time.
I know you can do it. Come on, try it again.
Good hit.
Keep practicing.
Hi. Would you like to play?
- What's your name?
- Maria.
Do you live around here?
Would you like to be my friend?
Yoo-hoo!
Hi, over there! Ahoy!
Mr. Peck...
we just can't seem to get
this bowline knot tied right.
Could you please come over
and show us again?
I'm sorry, Cherise, honey.
I can't do it right now.
I'm sort of busy here.
Why don't you just halyard
your spinnaker pole?
I'll come back and check
your top action winch when I get a chance.
How about that?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
I'm sorry about the interruption, B.A.
These coeds are souls
without a man to guide them.
- How's it going with Maria?
- She's okay.
B.A., how do you know for sure...
that Maria's mother's in a compound
on the Mexican border?
She told me, man, but she ain't sure
her mother hasn't been moved.
Didn't you say that
Maria said her mom is really sick?
Yeah, real sick. And if we don't help,
she won't have anybody in the world.
Whoever separated them
isn't big on human dignity.
When I get finished with them,
they gonna be real big on pain.
Now, who's helping? Time's a-wasting.
Who could resist?
I gotta move this guy's yacht
within 24 hours anyway.
I'm just looking after it while he's gone.
So why don't we take the boat to Mexico
right now and look for Maria's mom?
- We'd get it back in time.
- That sounds good to me.
Maybe we could get Cherise and her friends
to come along, in case we need help.
You're right, B.A., better to travel light.
Before we go running off to Mexico, maybe
we could save ourselves some trouble.
B.A., the vehicle that Maria ran away from...
- do you have any idea where it was going?
- Yeah.
The name was written
on the side of the truck.
It says "Presley Casuals."
Maria said she was sure of it.
It's a jail with a designer label.
Hannibal, this place is real bad, man.
Face, you got the immigration stuff?
Hey!
- This is good. How'd you do that?
- You serious?
Come on, Robbie, what is this stuff?
Pre-welded?
Tell you what.
I'll Federal Express you some good stuff.
You'd better. It's a heck of a lot easier
than showing up in court.
- Presley?
- You people have an appointment?
Immigration.
We want a woman named Delia Navarotte,
or information about her whereabouts.
You're wasting time.
I got a revolving door there.
They're not dumb enough
to give their real names.
Check your employment roster.
Then we don't need a warrant, right?
Why me? There are 50 places around here
with 10 times the violations.
We're waiting, pal.
I'll see what I can find out about her, okay?
You mind if I try some of this on
while we're waiting?
No, help yourself. What's your size?
My size is the amount of space I fill up.
Thanks for asking though, bro.
Hannibal, this guy is lying.
He knows more than he's telling.
I can feel it.
That's okay, B.A.
He's scared. That's what we want.
He's out there.
I know he's out there.
That devil of a whale I have chased so long.
The white whale.
The living ghost,
with the harpoons of 100 men...
in his back, and yet he still swims on.
How that ghost haunts my soul...
my mind.
What mind? Cool it, Murdock.
We're here on serious business.
Must be high tide.
I'm sorry. She's not here.
But I wouldn't want you
to think that...
I wasn't willing to play ball with you.
A bribe?
Oh, boy.
The texture of America
is destroyed by bribes. Did you know that?
Yeah, it's disgusting.
And, Presley, you're lying.
- We want to see her.
- Look, I haven't got her.
So why don't you call this jewelry store
off me, okay?
That's hard to do. Very hard to do.
Maybe I can make it easier for you. Guys!
All right, jack.
You better tell us where the lady's at...
before I put you
out of business permanently.
All I know is when I need people,
I call this guy, Prince.
That's it. That's all I know.
He's the guy you want, not me.
- Where's Prince?
- A bar in Tijuana. El Lobo.
That's good, Presley.
That might just keep you in one piece.
Assuming it's all true
and we find Delia Navarotte.
You're never gonna know where we are,
but we know where you are.
If you're lying,
or if you warn Prince...
we'll be back and pull your drapes for good.
Got it?
Been unconscious
almost a day now.
Call Prince.
Tell him to send some penicillin.
Or a shovel.
Come on, join in, Herman.
Murdock, that bug of yours
is gonna die young.
I already told you, B.A. This is not a bug.
It is Herman Melville traveling incognito...
because he does not want
to arouse suspicion.
I mean, Gandhi didn't wear
a Hawaiian shirt, right?
Right, guy?
Hurry up, Face. Let me in the bathroom.
I'm seasick, too.
Yeah, come on out, Face.
Show us how to navigate by the stars.
Hannibal, I don't mean to be pushy...
but do you have an idea as to what
we're gonna do once we get to Mexico?
Yeah. What about a plan?
You're a terrific shade of green.
Brings out the color of your eyes.
You don't have a plan, do you?
Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.
Heavy seas, me mateys!
Cinch up the anchor chains...
and watch for the birds, Mr. Melville.
For the white devil rises...
from the depths where the birds be circling.
Circling round and round.
We should have taken a plane. Right, B.A.?
Prince. My name is Sergio.
- So?
- Sergio Borges.
I specialize in custom-free transportation,
you know what I mean?
You are the man who will take me
across the border.
Who told you that, Sergio?
A friend of mine did business with you.
And if you do not take your hand off of me,
your family will wear black.
Get out of here.
Nobody threatens me.
I have to be across the border by tomorrow.
Ordinarily, I would not
spend so much. I can cross easy.
Right now, I'm hot.
I've been falsely accused of murder.
Well, if you want to cross, it's $1,600.
$800 tonight, the other $800 you work off
at the job in America.
I will not be working in America.
- I have a very successful career.
- Oh, yeah.
That's why you can't get across without me?
Excuse me.
Now you got a watch, Garcia.
Go to San Ramón, 20 miles from here...
at noon tomorrow.
And don't be late,
or you'll lose the money and your chance.
One more thing, senor.
Got the time?
Oh, Sergio.
Hey, you better go buy yourself a watch.
Make sure you're on time tomorrow.
See how easy it is to see the world?
Get out of here.
- US Border Patrol.
- Give me Lt. Taggart.
Yeah, this is Taggart.
- Full load tomorrow at noon at San Ramón.
- All right, Prince. I'll be there.
But I don't want any more sick people
being pushed on me, understand?
I got one dying now.
And I don't get paid for dead...
This dude, Prince,
is working for the US Border Patrol.
...they're strong as bulls.
You treat them wrong.
Tomorrow morning, Prince,
I start checking every one of them.
And it better be tight.
Move it, Pedro.
Those guys look awfully nasty.
Most guys with guns usually do.
I hope Hannibal knows
what he's doing.
We'll be there
when Hannibal gets out.
Besides, Herman said his accent
is a work of art. He used to work at the UN.
Okay, kiddies, let's have your jewelry.
Chop-chop.
Pedro, huh?
That's cute. Where'd you get that?
We've already paid you good money...
and now you rob us of everything?
No. Now, you give us back...
Yes, sir, a Mexican vacation
can be the experience of a lifetime.
Now, I don't care
what anybody told you before.
I'm telling you now, your life is changed.
It ain't yours anymore. It's mine.
Shut your mouth, do what you're told,
and you'll be all right. You understand me?
I only warn one time.
Come on! Let's go!
Move it! Come on!
They're moving. Let's go. I
wanna get there in time to back up Hannibal.
Come on.
- B.A., what are you doing?
- Something broke in the steering.
We ain't going nowhere. It's the steering.
Herman says it's more like no steering at all,
for you accuracy buffs.
Besides, Herman will help us.
He's got a million good ideas.
I sure hope he has a good one now.
Open up.
All right, everybody out.
Welcome to the land of opportunity.
Okay, guys, let's go!
Face, Murdock, B.A.
Great.
Wanted to make sure it worked.
Heat is murder on those weapons.
My travel agent told me I was supposed
to be on an ocean cruise. I guess I got lost.
You got a lot of funny lines, mister.
But what I want to know
is who you really are.
Let's say I'm a one-man warning team.
In just a little bit...
a bunch of ex-Green Berets
are gonna climb all over your peace of mind.
In just a little bit, you're gonna get it,
if you don't tell me who you are.
Think of me
as a concerned historian.
It's about 122 years
since slavery was outlawed in this country.
I figured a slime like you
needed to be educated.
Put him in the tin can.
We'll see who wants to talk then.
If I remember,
I'll come back and see you after a while.
You don't mind if I
hang a few pictures in here, do you?
- How are we doing, B.A.?
- What do you mean "we"?
You ain't under here
getting greasy and dirty.
I don't think we need Face
down here. I honestly don't.
Thanks to Herman, we'll have
this steering linkage fixed in no time.
He knew exactly what to do.
He didn't think of it.
You thought of it, not the bug.
You flatter me, monsieur.
No, Herman is the idea man.
I merely translate his brilliance...
for all of mankind.
- Shut up! You're driving me crazy!
- You guys, we gotta go find Hannibal.
We were supposed to be there
two hours ago.
- Yeah, but where's there?
- What'd you say, little buddy?
Herman, that is a great idea.
It's perfect!
Herman said all we gotta do
is scam the information from Prince.
- I'll squash that bug!
- B.A., did you fix the van?
Yeah. It'll do.
But this fool rides in the back.
Of course,
we'll have to get around some muscle.
Prince is bound to have
some of his buzzards in his scuzzy little bar.
Amy, break out your heels, honey.
You're going in.
Shooter. With lime, honey.
Doggone it! You are cute, you know that?
The name's Prince.
Like in "Charming," I'll bet.
Dakota Haynes. Person to person.
How you doing?
I am sure glad I found this place,
I can tell you that.
Donny had to go off in his dinghy...
with his pinhead associates,
hunting those stupid little ducks.
There I was, all alone on the Woody Hayes.
That's Donny's yacht.
Just getting thirstier...
and thirstier.
This Donny, he your husband?
Just a boyfriend.
He loves to come down here and
shoot those cute little Mexican mallards.
I don't know.
You just ask me, I think it's mean.
I don't want you to get me wrong.
I mean, I hate ducks myself.
Except for those...
big lips they got.
I just...
love...
big lips.
Yeah? Wow.
Dakota, honest to Pete!
Don't you ever learn?
Criminy, I knew I'd find you
in a dump like this.
Dear Lord, it's Jerry.
He works for Donny,
and he's just a plain little weasel.
You gotta do something.
We're all booked up in here,
friend. Why don't you take a hike?
Donny feels terrible
about leaving you alone, Dakota...
but the duck boat sank.
Willy Ray nearly drowned.
Could I have a diet pop, please?
Donny's real depressed, Dakota.
You ought to seen him, treading water
with all them ducks floating around...
mocking him, all arrogant like.
Come on back, pumpkin.
Donny wants to make up.
Can't you just get him out of here?
He's ruining our fun.
Jones, Garcia, why don't you show Jerry
here what a nice street we got outside?
This is a private matter.
Make sure when he lands,
he don't hit my car.
The joke's over.
Dakota, you're gonna be real sorry
you made this choice.
Donny doesn't take
just anybody duck hunting.
Hi.
I'm Donny and this is Marie.
Quack, quack, sugar.
A smart man would tell us where that truck
went when it left San Ramón.
You're in heavy fog.
You're running illegal aliens,
making money from other people's bad luck.
- Fog starting to clear?
- You got a choice, jack.
You either talk or you hurt!
You guys can't get away
with coming in here like this.
Yes, we can. We're extremely lucky people.
And those friends of yours out there aren't
gonna be able to help you for quite a while.
Mama! Look what I found here.
I'll bet you make
one deadly margarita, Prince.
Now, we're gonna find our friends
using you as a navigator...
and that car of yours outside for wheels.
And we better not be disappointed,
'cause there's a little girl...
my friend B.A. here
wants to see smile again.
That's right, jack. You understand?
Bet you've never seen that much change.
Hey, friend. You hear me?
What about my iced tea?
Didn't anybody get my order?
- I want to talk about your lousy service.
- Still coming with the jokes?
You know how hot it gets in here, mister?
I've seen two men die.
And it ain't even noon yet.
I'll tell you something, Taggart.
I was in one of Ho Chi Minh's death camps
and I made it.
You're just an amateur.
Get him out of here and put him
with those people we're gonna ship out.
Get on the road, get going good,
and dump him out the back.
That way, we ditch him...
and we save cleaning up the mess.
Spanish is not necessary.
My name is Carlos.
You're here for a reason, senor?
Yes, I'm looking for the mother
of a little girl...
who was sent out of here
a couple of days ago.
Her name is Delia Navarotte.
Her daughter says she's very sick.
I've come to help her.
Yeah, she's here, senor.
She's a very sick woman. They say hepatitis.
Maybe she's lucky if she dies.
My friends get here, we'll get her a doctor.
I hope you have many friends
because it's not easy to fight these men.
Believe me, we have tried.
But they're very good liars.
That's why we're here.
And now they have the guns,
so we have to stay.
My friends get here, Fernando...
we'll get out. We'll all get out.
Don't cry, Maria. We'll get your mother back
for you real soon.
You got my word on that.
Now you listen to Cherise
and her friends, okay?
And don't stay up late.
Eat all your greens, now.
Remember, I love you. I'll see you soon.
Now where's the attendant?
I just asked him to split for a while.
Mr. Prince was nice enough
to give him some spending money.
You think it's bad now, sucker...
wait till you find out
what we're gonna do to your fancy ride.
Let's do it!
Time to move.
Murdock, you gonna give us
some air support?
You got it.
And you...
you got it mean, buddy.
I hope you got cast iron guts...
'cause you never seen
the hard side of Herman.
Later.
You said the other truck was coming.
You better hope so,
'cause we gonna need it. Come on.
- Howdy. You speak English?
- Yes, sir. Pretty good.
Boy, how lucky can a man get.
Name's Danielson. US Secret Service.
I'm Roberto.
Neat. The "O" on the end
really brings it to life. Roberto.
You have a helicopter here, do you not?
Yes, I see you do.
- It's not my helicopter, senor.
- That doesn't matter, Bob.
What we got are Ruskie spy teams
sneaking across the border.
- We gotta get a look ourselves up in the air.
- But, senor...
Otherwise, it's Big Macs today,
borscht tomorrow. You know what I mean?
- I cannot...
- I know what you're thinking:
"What are all these guys doing out here?"
Good question. I only wish I had an answer.
But the important thing right now is
to make sure you have your family hidden.
Underground is the smartest.
Usually 20 or 30 feet.
Fallout, makes your hair come out.
I'm gonna get
a little personal here with you.
I like you better
with a little fuzz on your noggin.
- Underground?
- Nukes!
And don't think it can't
happen here, Obby-bay.
Let me give you a scenario.
You're dancing with your honey,
and you look out to the horizon...
and you see this orange glow.
All of a sudden... You are an onion ring.
Look at that horizon
and look for that orange glow.
You are good people. I love that!
Going up!
They got him?
And the car?
- Taggart.
- It was a setup.
- What?
- There was three guys and a woman.
- They got the jump on Garcia and me.
- They get Prince?
Yeah, they got him.
I just had a feeling
we were gonna have a visit.
- What are they driving?
- Prince's car. It's gone.
Close that place up and get out.
Remember, you never heard of that bar.
- Right.
- And you never heard of me.
Especially, buddy, you never heard of me.
Cooper.
Three Americans busted into Prince's place
and drug him out.
I just got a call from one of our friends.
I know. It's your friends,
aren't they, hero?
What do you think? Yours or mine?
Awful fast if it's one of yours.
Get away from the gate!
Get in the back. Turn your back to the fence!
- Friends?
- Yeah.
Everybody down!
It looks like we found it in time,
Herman, my man.
Molotov cocktail hour is in session.
We gonna kick some rump.
Hold onto your feelers.
Let's go!
You better have a hell of a lawyer.
Hannibal! She's in here!
How is she?
I don't think she's gonna make it, Hannibal.
She's burning up.
I'll get her to the chopper.
You go with Murdock.
Take her to the hospital.
Fool! Any more stupid ideas?
Is Maria's mother gonna be all right?
I hope so.
I think we got her just in time.
All right.
Now whose plan was this?
Not mine.
Not mine.
Then whose?
Murdock.
It was Murdock's.
No, it wasn't.
Sandwiches are ready, everybody.
Take your pick.
We've got chicken,
peanut butter, and carrot.
- Carrot?
- There you go.
Not bad.
Weird. Try it.
Hey, Allen...
what came over the ticker on Taggart
and his merry men?
We got a wire from
our El Centro Bureau this morning.
Apparently a border patrol lieutenant,
Jack Taggart...
and 15 of his cohorts were jailed...
for transporting illegal aliens
across the border...
assault, robbery, and attempted slavery.
B.A., I talked to that
producer friend of mine.
He's gonna sponsor Maria and her mom.
They'll live in his Beverly Hills mansion,
collect a nice salary...
and have the rare opportunity of studying...
a gigantic American ego up close.
That's good, man.
Just a minute, Herman.
I just gotta get this crease, here.
What's that fool doing?
Trying to launch that bug into outer space?
His work is completed here with us,
on this level of reality...
and he's gotta get on.
He's needed elsewhere.
- Hannibal, that fool is nuttier than ever.
- Perhaps.
But I feel like a better man for having been
around him, even for a few days.
That's very touching, Murdock.
Dumb seems more like it.
Where are you sending him, Murdock?
To a better place.
To a place where, perhaps,
he'll write a new chapter...
in the life of Maria and her mother.
To that yacht, right over there.
There's a lady bug over there,
reading a book.
It could be, who knows, Jane Austen.
Goodbye, buddy. I'll never forget you.
Write if you can, and if you can't, call me.
Collect. But call after midnight,
'cause the rates are cheaper.
Marie, there's a cockroach
in my potato salad!
Even great authors get the munchies!
Bring me a shoe!