The A-Team (1983–1987): Season 1, Episode 1 - Mexican Slayride - full transcript
Amy Allen is a reporter who is worried when her friend another reporter went to Mexico to do a story but appears to have disappeared. She tries to use everything she can to find even the newspaper she works for to find him. But her boss who has written the guy off because he has been behaving very erratically but Amy knows that he's grieving over the loss of his wife. Her boss suspends her. Another reporter finds something at her friend's apartment which might help her find him but it's not much. She decides to go to Mexico but it's dangerous there. She decides to try and find the A Team a group of soldiers of fortune who are also fugitives from the Army. It seems like while they were in Vietnam, they robbed a bank but they claim that they were ordered to but the man who supposedly gave them the order died. So they ran and are still wanted by the man who ran the detention center where they escaped from. She finds them through a man they served with but was not with them when they robbed the bank. And they go to Mexico to find her friend. They learn that he was doing a story on a drug lord who forces people to work his drug farm. They try to rescue him but learn that they have more to deal with.
Give me Al Massey!
Give him to me now!
Come out!
Come out!
Please, jefe. Please.
We are just poor farmers.
We give you everything.
I want Al Massey.
Where is he? Where do you
hide this gringo pig?
Paco is requesting the pleasure
of your youngest granddaughter.
- No!
- He says...
he could give him a
great daughter, amigo!
He is one with the ladies, no?
Paco, ask this peasant
girl where is Al Massey.
They're coming.
- We must hurry.
- Get out of here, Manny. He doesn't know about you.
He'll find out. These people are
frightened. They'll tell him.
I am not taking you with me, kiddo. I
got this story. I'm gonna write it.
- And I do not share bylines.
- Sure you do.
Hey, Mr. Massey.
How about you come out before I set
fire to this whole stinking town?
We talk, Mr. Massey.
You will see that I am
a poor country man...
a lover of life, a
hunter of rabbits...
a singer of songs.
We will talk. You
come out, okay?
Adios, amigo.
You make a big mistake
with me, idiota.
How many people you
tell about me?
Why you come down here, huh?
I'm on vacation.
- He's not on vacation!
- Who the hell cares? He's on vacation. He's not.
Last year we sent him to
cover the French elections.
Did I get a story? Did I? No.
He ends up lushed out of his
gourd in Costa del Sol.
The paper eats 20 grand in expenses.
And Massey doesn't file a word.
That is not the point.
The point is that you're all
over the road, Allen. Look.
Mexican embassy complains that
you're threatening them. Look!
Special requests from Senator
Billings's office...
using this paper to stir up trouble with
the U.S. Senate and Mexican government.
I was trying to find out what happened to
him. They claim he never even entered Mexico.
Damn it, Grant. Doesn't this rag have a responsibility
to protect its reporters on assignment?
Al Massey's been doing wheels-up
landings here for over a year.
I'm tired of scraping him
off the front steps.
His wife died. He's
been depressed.
I've been carrying him,
but now I'm through.
He's gonna show up in a couple of weeks down
there at a bullfight wearing a lampshade.
I'm not gonna waste any more of this
paper's money on that lost cause.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you use
this paper's influence to rattle windows.
You got that?
He's my friend.
Allen, you need some time off.
I'm suspending you at half pay for
two weeks. You're a good reporter...
but you gotta find some way to
stop sitting on your brains.
Turn over your feature stuff to Mark
and file your filler before you leave.
Just like that.
Honey, get out, before I
pull your plug all the way.
All right!
Somebody had to say it.
Are you all right?
That was really great...
you telling that fathead about
journalistic responsibility.
Did you find Massey's research paper?
Did he file any copy at all?
Nothing. I did take the liberty
of stopping by his house.
I used to do a little second-storey
work when I was with the Miami Herald.
I am a killer with
louvered windows.
Anyway, I went through his apartment
last night and pulled out this.
- From under his mattress.
- San Rio Blanco?
Is this all there is? A name...
Manny Cortez... and a phone number?
Yep. I looked it up, and San Rio Blanco is
a little town in the hills above Acapulco.
What about that other thing?
That commando team?
Did you get anything
more on that?
- Zack, I'm talking to you.
- Look, kid, I told you, it is a rumor.
Strictly a rumor.
Mike Kelly tried to follow that story about
six months ago before he got sacked.
He couldn't even prove
that they existed.
There was a rumor that they broke some
senator's kid out of a Turkish prison.
Soldiers of fortune. Outriders
who would do anything anywhere.
- The A-Team. Isn't that what
he called them? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Terrific.
These guys knocked over
the Bank of Hanoi...
four days after the
Vietnam War ended.
They wandered out of the D.M.Z. with 100
million yen and got busted by the army.
Nobody knew anything about the mission.
They claim they were under orders...
from a Colonel, uh, Morrison...
but Morrison took a round in
one of the last shellings.
His headquarters burnt to the ground, so
no record of the mission was ever found.
There was a big stink. And
then right before the trial...
they went over the
wall and disappeared.
- That was 10 years ago.
- And they're still wanted?
Oh, yeah, yeah. There's
one guy in here...
Here. A colonel named Lynch.
He ran the prison at Fort Bragg.
He is still looking for them.
It is a vendetta for him.
Okay, Zack, I'm sufficiently intrigued.
Who are they?
All right.
The leader is a colonel
named John Smith.
But everybody calls
him Hannibal.
The guy has a very
unorthodox style.
Not bad. Who else?
Bosco Baracus.
Known as B.A. for
"bad attitude."
The man is a mechanical genius.
He also has one of the worst
conduct records in the army.
He likes to slug officers.
Now this is more like it.
Templeton Peck, known
as the Faceman.
In and out of trouble. An orphan from L.A.
This guy is Mr. Ricky-Ticky.
A con man. A real operator.
And that's the unit.
I wonder where they are now.
Hannibal's gotta be
down there somewhere.
- Let's go!
- Cut! Who the hell is that?
Where'd that moron come from?
Mike, don't we have an A.D. to
hold the traffic on that road?
Sorry, Jerry. That's our screwup.
I'll get a guy up there.
Come on! People, we're burning daylight
here. Let's stay together here, huh?
Did you like the arms?
Johnny, I want 30 seconds underwater.
Thirty seconds after "action."
You're popping up like the
rubber duck in my kid's bathtub.
I gotta stay down there two minutes
for the water to get still.
- You want 30 seconds after that? You gotta be nuts.
- Hey, pal, that's the job.
The guy we had in Aquamania
1 stayed down four minutes.
- Then why isn't he doing it now?
- He had a little brain haemorrhage or something.
I don't know. Let's go. Come on.
Let's get this sucker in the can. Back
in the drink, chickie. Same shot.
I'm looking for John Smith!
John, where are ya?
Hey, hey, it's me.
Get back in the lake! Come on.
I'm on a tight clock here!
Just give us a second here, fellas.
He's on us... Colonel Lynch.
He hit B.A.'s pad two
hours ago with six M.P.s.
- They're around my place like goonies at a supermarket opening.
- How'd he trace us?
Maybe the senator's kid talked.
Never thought he had his lights on.
- If he burned us, he knows about me.
- You got it. We should disappear.
I got one more shot and I'm through.
Now watch this.
I think I got a real handle
on my character here.
I'm playing mean with a
kind of a sad reluctance.
Yeah? Well, you're about to get a
chance to play it for Colonel Lynch.
That's him. John Hannibal Smith.
Come on. Get him. Go, go, go!
- Give me my tail.
- Where are you going?
- Waldorf-Astoria, driver. And step on it.
- Funny.
Up!
Hey, come back!
Where's the Aquamaniac going?
Look out!
We gotta get off this
movie lot, Hannibal.
Come on! Come on!
Mommy, it's the Aquamaniac!
- How you doing?
- I ain't stopping for no autographs.
Take a right here. We'll
cut through Roman Street.
I know this lot like
the back of my hand.
Oh, no. They changed it.
Like the back of your
hand, huh, sucker?
Great!
- Whoo!
- One down, two to go.
We just lost Henderson in the lake.
You watch yourself.
Bradshaw, where are you?
I think I'm in Quincy's living room.
- We're falling apart here.
We're now entering the
parting of the Red Sea.
As you can see it's gonna be much
easier for us than it was in the film.
- I don't think we're gonna get wet today.
- Get that hunk of junk movin'!
Straight behind us is the
man from the Aquamaniac.
Let's turn around and
give him a big wave.
Now that we've gotten that out
of the way, over on your left...
Hold it. Let me out.
What are you doing, Hannibal?
What's he doing?
Pull it and let's make tracks!
Wait! Wait!
He's daring me.
No, wait!
He loves the risk, the danger.
He loves the jazz.
Hold it! Wait!
Just a little bit more.
One more step and I got him.
I got him! Now!
Colonel Lynch.
Colonel Lynch.
Colonel Lynch, come up!
Colonel Lynch!
Nice try, Colonel,
but you ain't Moses.
Beautiful. Give me my tail.
Damn it, Hannibal. All you had
to do was pull the lever.
What was that Maury Wills junk? He could have
fired a shot or blown a wheel off this bus.
Old Hannibal loves the jazz, man.
He loves the jazz.
Lighten up, fellas. You gotta
do these things with style.
Don't tell me you didn't love seeing him
over his head in that rancid water.
No, we didn't love it.
There's a payphone.
Pull over here.
I gotta call Murdock and tell
him Lynch is after us again.
I ain't going anywhere
with him, Hannibal.
Veterans Administration Hospital.
Good afternoon.
May I speak to Mr. H.M.
Murdock, please?
He's in your mental ward.
I"ll be with you in a minute.
I gotta answer my phone.
I gotta be alone with my phone.
Howling Mad Murdock here.
Murdock, Lynch fell on us.
He may be heading your way.
He may get real tough.
Hannibal, I got company
standing in the hall right now.
Who's there, Murdock?
A girl reporter. She knows I flew you guys
in 'Nam. Got it from Pentagon records.
A reporter?
Only she says she's got
a job for us in México.
Remember that friend of mine, that guy
who kept fading out, that Mexican guy?
Be careful of the reporter.
If she looks legit...
send her to the alley behind the
Kozy Kat Klub at 2:00 a.m. Tonight.
- And watch out for Lynch.
- Don't worry about Colonel Geek.
I'm gonna slam-dunk that sucker.
And may the great spirit watch over your
refrigerator and keep it cold. World without end.
- Adios.
- I think he's getting worse.
Sorry. My mother
was on the phone.
Your mother?
On the file I got on you, it said
she died when you were five.
She did, but I had a line put in.
You know, what a hassle.
Telephone company,
they don't cooperate.
Took a while, but
we're solid now.
So you never heard of the
A-Team or any of these guys?
Look. I got problems, you know.
Mr. Murdock, what are you doing?
I'm shaving. Come on. Haven't you
ever seen a man shave in the morning?
I'm sorry what happened to you.
Bye, Mr. Murdock.
The A-Team?
Go to the alley behind
the Kozy Kat Klub...
in Hollywood at 2:00 a.m.
And wait until you're contacted.
I have a hunch this Murdock character isn't
anywhere near as crazy as he pretends.
He's not faking. Mr. Murdock has paranoid
anxiety delusions and intermittent memory loss.
Be that as it may, I'm gonna press
him hard and see what happens.
- That won't snap him, will it?
- No. He's usually a lot of fun.
However, if he starts talking about ammonia,
that's a clue he may become violent.
- Violent?
- Hardly ever happens.
But watch out. It's a trigger
word for his aggressive cycle.
Ammonia?
Where's my dog Billy?
You seen my dog?
What you doing, man? Step off! Step off!
Did you bring any candy?
- Mr. Murdock, get down from there.
- From where?
- Off the cabinet.
- Don't worry about it, Nurse.
Leave him up there. It doesn't bother me.
I'll take it from here. Thank you.
Well, who are we today?
Harold Lloyd? King Kong?
Napoleon's parrot?
I'm not nuts.
I keep telling everybody, don't you
think I wanna get out of here...
and see E. T. Just
like everybody else?
I have a sneaky feeling that
you're faking all this.
If you could prove that,
I'd sure appreciate it...
'cause they think I'm looney
tunes, and I keep telling them...
Man, I'm gonna hit you
right alongside the head.
♪ Alouette, gentile Alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai ♪♪
Get off my pants leg! I can't deal with
it when you grab my pants all the time!
Who's using garlic here? I'm sorry.
What were we talking about?
We were, uh...
We were talking about the fact that
you flew the mission over the D.M.Z.
You were the A-Team pilot in 'Nam. You
dropped off Smith, Baracus and Peck...
when they did their Hanoi bank job, and I
think you're still working with them today.
Get off my leg! I can't stand
it when you touch me like that!
Watch out! It's ammonia.
They... They use
it on the floors.
It eats through the
soles of your shoes.
- It burns your feet.
- Amm...
Why do you think I'm sitting
on top of this dresser?
I'm not up here for
the fresh air.
What happened to your head?
They hook you up to this
machine and give you...
a zapper-roo to the old noggin.
- Electric shock therapy?
- Can you smell it?
Ammonia!
It's on everything.
And I hate ammonia.
I hate everything. I hate this
dresser, my straitjacket.
And I hate you.
Murdock, I didn't
mean to trouble you.
Colonel.
Take care of yourself, son.
You really ought
to see his record.
The man flew everything
from jets to choppers.
He was in the Thunderbirds
before the war.
One of the best combat
pilots in 'Nam.
Snapped. No doubt about it.
Okay, we've got one lead left.
That's the girl that called the veterans
administration trying to get a line on Hannibal Smith.
Amy Allen, newspaper lady. She was hunting
up a story like the guy last year.
Maybe. Stake her out. She's the only lead we've got
left and I wanna know where she is every minute.
Hello? Is anybody there?
Are you all right?
That was almost a full bottle.
- Where do you live?
- In a box.
- In the alley.
- Wait.
Here.
Take this. Spend it
on food or something.
Please.
You are a princess...
in a world of dragons.
I like your style, Miss Allen.
Now if you can pass Mr. Lee's
test, you've hired the A-Team.
No park here!
- What?
- People's coming. You no park here.
- Must leave. Must go. Law say no park here.
- Please, don't yell at people.
Yellow people? You no
like yellow people?
No, not yellow people.
"Yell at people."
Don't yell at me, okay? I
have a terrible headache.
- You no park here. You go.
- Okay, okay, I'll move it.
What time is it?
Seven and half.
Wouldn't happen to have any aspirin?
I'll pay you for it.
- You come. I fix.
- What about the car?
The master say...
only the very wisest and the
very stupidest cannot change.
Confucius. Great. Just what I need
to go along with this headache.
Thank you.
You look for A-Team?
- What do you know about that?
- Many Chinese in Vietnam.
Many peoples know A-Team.
- A friend of mine disappeared...
- A-Team know.
How much money missy got?
- I have a house, some stocks and bonds.
- Mm-hmm.
I could raise about $150,000.
No is enough. A-Team cost more.
More? Who do these guys think they are?
You gotta be kidding. More than that?
The master say...
women and people of low birth
are hard to deal with.
I can't wait to pass that along.
How much is life worth? How much A.
Massey life worth?
Everything I own.
You get money. Bring A.
Massey picture.
You no hear from me in
two days, is no deal.
- Goodbye, missy.
- Mr. Lee...
Goodbye.
You're late, my boy. I was
wondering if you forgot.
Come closer. I can't see ya.
What is it that you're wearin'?
Is it a clerical collar?
They won't let anybody in to see ya unless
they're from your parish or your doctor.
So ya run off and you steal
a clerical collar, huh?
You've been a project of my life ever
since you wandered in off the streets.
Five years old, no
home, no family.
But ya did keep all us old goats at the
orphanage on our toes, that you did.
I been givin' ya a
great deal of thought.
First you're orphaned by your
parents, and then by your country.
Now you spend your
Saturdays in here with me.
You've got to invest
in yourself, son.
I wanna get back. I'm
tired of running.
I'd like to have a family, but you can't
do that with the government on your tail.
So, in the meantime, I'll be
satisfied just to survive.
Now we join Psychology Chat
Back with Dr Toni Pace.
Hi there. Our first caller
is Carl from Covina.
- How you doing, Carl?
- Well, Toni, I'd like to say I'm doing fine.
But this month has really
been strange for me.
Carl from Covina.
Carl from Covina.
Why don't you tell me about it?
- Well...
- Mexico. He wants to go to Mexico.
- Okay.
- I moved back in with my younger sister.
- Client's a woman.
- How old is your sister, Carl?
- She's 25.
She's always been very
assertive and I...
well, I just hate confrontation.
- Sure you do, Hannibal.
- Who's Hannibal, man?
You don't know Hannibal?
When you go to school, don't they teach
you about Hannibal and them elephants?
- Not yet.
- Hannibal was a Carthaginian commander.
He took his army over
the Alps into Italy.
He used elephants to
carry his equipment.
Nobody thought you could take an army
over the Alps, but Hannibal did.
Caught the Romans
sleeping and beat 'em up.
It's your life, Carl. What
do you think you should do?
Well, I know this race driver.
And I thought I
could call him...
and have him pick me up
at 3:00 this afternoon.
I gotta get. I gotta pick
up a friend at 3:00.
- Sure like to meet a guy like Hannibal.
- He's a piece of work, all right.
I may be gone for
a couple of days.
Oh, fellas, I gotta
make a livin'.
I'll see ya maybe next week.
Don't steal no hubcaps.
And not ask my sister's
permission or nothing?
Be firm. Don't let
her run your life.
You run it. Say it
like you mean it...
and most people will
do whatever you want.
Good afternoon. Lieutenant Blackmore to check out
Captain Murdock for psychiatric reevaluation.
I don't have any
orders to that effect.
His file was specifically chosen by General Fred
White, the surgeon general of the air force.
We would like an update. I have gone to a lot of trouble
checking his Uncle Deke out of Fairview Mental Hospital.
- His uncle who?
- His Uncle Deke Murdock.
The cleaning fluid salesman.
Certainly you're familiar
with his ammonia fixation.
He hates it.
No. He hates his Uncle Deke
who used to sell the stuff.
- Classic hate transferral.
- You're kidding.
I find it best not to kid about mental
disorder, don't you, Nurse Schnider?
I don't have a lot of time. I only
have his uncle for the day...
because he's scheduled for a
frontal lobe severance tomorrow.
His uncle is having a
lobotomy tomorrow?
The whole family is crackers. Can we move
this along? I don't have a lot of time.
And the general will
be calling me at 5:00.
Have Captain Murdock
made ready for release.
I'm surprised the surgeon
general let me out.
He didn't. I did. I had to bring
your Uncle Deke into town.
- How is Uncle Deke?
- You don't have an Uncle Deke.
- I'm sorry to hear about that. I was beginning to like him.
- You hated him. He used to beat you.
That creep!
- Where'd you get the parade float?
- I scrounged it off Cactus Jack Perkins, the rodeo rider.
He thinks I'm doing a ring job on it over the
weekend. I got us a Gulfstream. Can you fly it?
Hey, brother, if it's got
wings, I can fly it.
- Great.
- Hey, Face, what's a Gulfstream?
Amy Allen. I'm Hannibal Smith. I
understand you wanna hire the A-Team.
- Mm-hmm - We'll take the job. You
got the money and the picture?
- Yeah.
- Give it to me.
- Later.
- You wanna go to Mexico?
You got it.
Right now? I'm not packed.
What about my car?
Lock it and leave it. We're leaving.
You got five seconds.
Miss Amy Allen, may I
present Bosco Baracus. B.A.
Don't worry about it.
He's got a bad attitude.
But he'll grow on you.
Let's go, B.A.
Colonel Lynch, this is Mark.
I made him.
He just picked a girl up in the
garage of the Courier Express.
Stay on him. Vector me in.
Don't let him spot you. I'm
on my way with troops.
Kids.
I've been laying the groundwork on
this plane deal for two months.
Just keep your mouth shut.
- Jo Bob Jameson.
- Howdy, Avon.
I thought you and your Daddy Hank
bought that Lear in Santa Barbara.
Before we start yammering away on these business
details, I want you to meet my personal pilot.
This here's a fella by the
name of Buster Hawthorn.
- You give Avon a big old howdy.
- Big howdy.
Buster, why don't you mosey on over there and
take a real good look at that Gulfstream...
and we're gonna see if Avon and Jo Bob
gonna be able to cut us a calf here.
- So, tell me what happened to the Lear.
- Oh. Well...
This is gonna give
you a big yahoo.
All right. I get that little
sucker on home to Texas.
Daddy Hank, he gets in. He sets down.
He's all excited.
And I'll be damned if his Stetson
doesn't bang the top of that cabin.
He was madder than a hornet's nest in
a rainstorm. It was driving him nuts.
So he says to me, "Jo
Bob..." He calls me Jo Bob.
"Jo Bob, you get back on out there and get me
that Gulfstream you was telling me about."
So, here I am.
- We can make the deal.
- You know what I was thinking though?
I thought if I could test-fly that sucker on down
to Houston, Daddy Hank... I call him Daddy Hank...
he's down there
horse-trading hotels.
If I could fly him around
over the weekend...
just make sure he ain't
gonna have no problems.
I'd hate to have him knock
his hat off in the john.
- I'll just make up the sales agreement.
- Now listen here.
I'm a rude man. Do y'all
want a cheque, a deposit?
Oh, no. Your credit's
okay with us, Jo Bob.
You keep talking like that,
I'm gonna take you with me.
- Where we going?
- We're gonna turn right up here.
I ain't going to no airport, Hannibal. I ain't
gonna fly with that crazy fool Murdock.
- Did I mention Murdock?
- Murdock?
- We're not going to the airport, B.A.
- Isn't Murdock kind of crazy?
If he's flying,
then we're dying.
Turn right, right up there.
What you doing, sucker?
- I think I'll get out for a minute.
- What's going on here?
This road leads directly
to the airport, Hannibal.
This road is nowhere
near the airport.
What's going on? Will somebody
please tell me what's going on?
You lied to me.
Lied? Me?
I told you what I was gonna do to you next time
you tried to take me on an airplane, didn't I?
- What is going on?
- Now, B. A...
you're gonna have one of your
anxiety blackouts and...
Now take it easy, B.A.
Take it easy.
- Why'd he hit you?
- Hit me?
If he'd hit me, I'd
be in the hospital.
Colonel Lynch, it looks like they're
headed towards the airport.
I'm almost there. I'm
on the way with troops.
They're over there.
Here we are. There they are.
I love it when a
plan comes together.
Get behind him and push.
Wait a minute. Let
me get his foot.
You have to do this
every time he flies?
He's afraid to fly. Kind
of silly, isn't it?
It's a notch or two past silly.
This is ridiculous.
Get the luggage, kid.
- Who is that?
- Oh, that?
That's nothing. File it
under "old business."
Welcome to Air Chance. Sorry.
We're out of kosher dinners.
- Lynch is coming.
- Murdock!
Lynch is right behind us, baby.
Get the clearance.
Got him. Okay.
Murdock, go!
Hannibal wanted me to tell you
we're headed to Acapulco.
I don't have no flight plans for Mexico. I could
follow up the coast, but we don't have enough fuel.
It's better if I swing by the airport and
try to pick up a flight and follow it down.
All right, look,
I have a 3:30...
Aeronaves de Mexico
into Acapulco...
and I have...
a 4:10 Western.
They're both out of L.A.X.
I think that we go 4:10
Western to Acapulco.
They're big red and white ones.
They're easier to see.
And their pilots don't
mind if you hitchhike.
Excuse me, but what
are you doing?
We're tying him up so he won't
kill us if he comes to.
I see.
Excuse me again, but
isn't he one of you?
- Isn't he on the team?
- Yes.
- Then why'd you have to drug him?
- He hates the pilot.
- Hates the pilot? Why?
- Because our pilot is insane.
So he's up there now flying us?
Yes.
What a kidder.
I'm not sure you are exactly
what I bargained for.
Let's get something
straight right now.
You want your friend back. The
authorities shined you on.
So you went out and hired
a bunch of gunfighters.
Now, if you wanted somebody with good manners,
you should have hired an English butler.
- The pilot's really insane?
- We think so.
- Are you still being chased by the government?
- That's right.
What I don't understand is why you aren't
all living in Switzerland where it's safe.
Because we're not Swiss.
We're Americans.
We've got a little
problem right now.
But we'll work our way out of it somehow.
In the meantime...
we stick together and
do what we do best.
Now, Mr. Lee said...
you had $150,000
to finance this...
operation, right?
The bank was closed. I
borrowed all I could.
Twenty-five thousand and change.
You came up a little short, honey. Twenty-five
thousand won't keep us in jet fuel.
I think we ought to turn
around and call it off.
Mr. Smith, I'm sorry. I couldn't
get the money fast enough.
Mr. Lee said he would call
and give me advance warning.
- That isn't what he said.
- How do you know? You weren't there.
He was spouting proverbs all over the
place. I couldn't understand him.
We could start the movie company again. Promote
the stuff we need from the film commission.
- That's always such a big hassle.
- I promise you, we'll get the money when we get back.
My word is good.
Women and people of high
birth are very trustworthy.
The master say...
woman and people of low birth...
are hard to deal with.
I'll be damned.
No. You'll be a princess...
in a world full of dragons.
Flight 607, heavy. You are on
final approach and clear...
to land on runway one-six.
He's waking up, Hannibal.
Then he's gonna bust these
straps and feed us our shoes.
Uh...
The sleeping giant awakes.
- How fast can you get us down?
- You just landed, brother.
Unidentified aircraft
behind 607 heading.
- You are intruding on final approach over another aircraft.
- What say, muchacho?
Uh, aren't you supposed
to talk to that guy?
We got the Cisco Kid in the tower.
He's screaming at me in Mexican, man.
We're gonna have trouble with
the airport about this landing.
They can't do anything to me. I
escaped from a mental institution.
It's not my fault. I don't even have a licence any
more. I don't think I should be flying at all.
- You got the script?
- It's in the back.
Head of the film commission is Miguel Perez.
So we're doing the sexy, dumb, blond movie.
- What?
- Let's get this poor heart attack victim off the plane. Murdock, bring your headset.
What are you guys doing?
Nurse, keep this on
the patient's face.
Here we go again, Murdock.
Heart attack victim.
- This plane is being impounded for illegal landing. Who's the pilot?
- Who are you?
I am Ground Control Officer Sanchez. I'm
asking you, who's the pilot of this aircraft?
- This man is dying. How is he, Doctor?
- Seventy over 120. Pulse is weak. Is he on medication?
He's got medication in the luggage.
Bring the luggage!
- I think he's not breathing.
- Nobody said anything about a heart attack. Nobody told us.
Of course you weren't told. We
didn't wanna panic the passengers.
- What passengers?
- I was a passenger.
- What?
- This man is dying. Where's the hospital?
- On the main road to town.
- Keys, please.
Sixty over 112 and dropping. We're gonna
need life support. This man's almost dead.
- Keys!
- I'll call you from the hospital.
- Where are we, man?
- Welcome back, B.A. You really slept, kid.
- Where are we?
- We're in beautiful Puntarenas.
We drove all night, and
you slept like a baby.
It's a long ride. I wish one of
these times you'd agree to fly.
- I am stiff as a board.
- It's Friday already?
Right. Must have had one of
your little anxiety blackouts.
- How you feeling?
- Ain't feeling like I slept no 26 hours, man.
And when'd you get here? What you doing?
You can't drive, sucker!
I can't?
Okay, I give up. I give up. It's all yours.
It's all yours. It's all yours.
You were asleep. Somebody had
to drive this hunk of junk.
All right. Face, you get us some digs and start
throwing snowballs at the film commissioner.
We're probably gonna have to scrounge a pot
of stuff 'cause the client stiffed us.
- I said I was sorry.
- Now that B.A.'s all rested, I'll take him with me and Miss Allen.
We"ll get a line on Manny Cortez
and play it like it lays.
Good enough. Murdock and I will
handle the film commission.
Are we doing Boots
and Bikinis again?
I hate that movie. Face, did you
ever read that script? It stinks.
We're gonna keep making
it till we get it right.
- It's Friday already? I must have slept like a brick.
- You really did, B.A.
Got a favourite hotel down here?
- Nah.
- The Princess is nice.
- Good enough. Let's go.
We gotta get some new threads
before we hit the Princess.
It's Friday already?
- Are you checking in?
- I'm with 20th Century Fox.
- We're with the movie company.
- Pardon me, sir?
The Farrah Fawcett, Bo
Derek, Loni Anderson movie.
- The what?
- Of course you've been told about it.
I'm sorry, sir, but I know nothing
about that. Perhaps at the desk.
Oh, boy. There better not
have been a foul-up on this.
My head will roll if this
deal got messed up too.
- Okay, this is the place.
- What place?
Telephone numbers in Massey's
notes, it belongs to this joint.
You're the backup. I'll go
in and tip the joint over.
- See what happens.
- I'm going with you.
- You got health insurance?
- Yes.
"Tip the joint over"? Very
macho, but is it smart?
If I was smart, I wouldn't be working
for some skirt with no money.
You learn to love him, mama,
but it takes a long time.
That's the same thing
he said about you.
This place looks long on local
colour and short on blended whisky.
- I hope you have a plan.
- Of course I do, Miss Allen.
Hey, señor.
This bar is not for
American tourists.
Glad to hear it. It's kind of hot out
there. You got a couple of beers?
We have nothing for you
here, except a warning.
Go now. There is plenty
cantinas down at the beach.
I'm looking for a man
named Manny Cortez.
- Is this part of the plan?
- No.
We are not little children to be impressed
because you speak our language.
We're gonna find
out what you want.
- Is this...
- No.
You want tough? You got tough.
B.A.!
Quintana!
- You want him?
- No, you take him.
- Is this part of the plan?
- No.
I didn't think so.
Oh, well.
Amy Allen. Los Angeles
Courier Express.
- If I might explain...
- I wasn't talking to you, chico, so keep it still.
Why do you want Manny Cortez?
I'm looking for a friend of mine.
His name is Al Massey.
He also worked on the Courier.
He was down here on a
story and he disappeared.
I wanna find him.
So he told you about her. But that
doesn't tell us who you are, sonny.
I'm the man you so
desperately seek, señor.
I'm Manny Cortez.
I love it when a
plan comes together.
Al Massey was captured by a
bandit, Malavida Valdez.
He's terrorizing villages
in the mountains.
I'm a marked man. Valdez
has agents in Puntarenas.
- I must be careful.
- What about Al? Is he okay?
There's a chance
he's still alive.
- We'll talk about it later.
- We're at the Princess Hotel.
Hello. All right!
- How much did this place cost?
- Nothing. It's on the house.
José, the manager, couldn't turn any rooms,
so we had to settle for the owner's villa.
Everybody's got their own room. You'll
find clothing in the bedroom closet.
Miguel, the film commissioner, is reading the
script. Get him out there beating the bushes.
The rewrites are coming tomorrow. The green pages will have
most of the scenes that contain the equipment we need.
- Good.
- Do you do this all the time?
- We haven't done the movie company in six months.
- So, what do we do next?
See Manny Cortez, get his story, scrounge
the stuff we need and get out of town.
Tomorrow morning, I wanna be
on my way to San Rio Blanco.
Valdez usually comes in
from this direction.
It's all open out here. Any sentry could
spot him almost a mile and a half away.
- You've got to have some idea where the marijuana fields are.
- Somewhere in here.
The townpeople who has been forced to work on the
fields estimate them to be approximately five miles...
which, by jeep, would put it
somewhere in this radius.
Whenever he takes them out
there, they are blindfolded.
Don't worry. If it's inside a five mile
radius, I can spot it... from the air.
- We're gonna need some armour plating.
- Got it.
And a deuce and a half. Maybe a dump truck.
Something big.
Ten-wheeler?
I think we'll spray
this guy's field.
A crop duster and some poison
to kill his marijuana crops.
I love it when a mark is angry.
They don't think straight.
And it'll bring him to us.
Make him play on our field.
Poison.
Crop duster.
I'd love some artillery. A 105
would be beautiful. Recoilless.
That's gonna be tough to work into a
picture called Boots and Bikinis.
I'll get something.
Don't bother Miguel.
Wait a minute. How are you
gonna get all that stuff?
We're not. Miguel, the film commissioner,
is, if Amy will lend us a hand.
The director, Andre, is
coming down tomorrow...
with Bo, Loni, and Farrah,
and nothing's been set up.
Boobala, you know I'm in big trouble with Andre. I
mean, chickie, my job is hanging by the ol' threadola.
But, Mr. Peck, a crop duster?
Three-inch metal plating? None of these
things were in the script that I read.
- Amy!
- It's all in the greens.
You did get the green pages? I had you on the
distribution list with all the revisions.
I'll straighten that out and get
you a xerox of my copy, Mr. Perez.
Miguel.
I still don't see. The story I read
was about three American blonds...
who fall in love with a lifeguard,
a bullfighter and a schoolteacher.
Andre's got this idea about stickin'
in this cornball dream sequence.
Bo Derek on the wing
of a biplane...
spraying this field that her
lover is standing in below.
You want my opinion? It stinks! That
kinda stuff went out with capped teeth.
- But if he wants it, he gets it.
- And the armour plating is for what?
- It's not armour plating, Mike.
- It's metal bulkhead for the submarine sequence.
I know. I know. Qué submarine?
Well, the part of the lifeguard has been
rewritten. He's now a sub commander.
We're doing two scenes where
Loni comes aboard the sub.
But we have no
submarines in our navy.
It's a fluff picture, Mike. The director is a nut
bar. Nothin' makes sense in Hollywood any more.
Listen. Just help me here. Stay with me, boobie.
At least I'm not asking you for a lousy cannon.
A bus? What happened
to the 10-wheel truck?
It's the best I could do on such short
notice. I'm working Miguel overtime.
We got a line on the armour
plating and the crop duster.
We're having trouble getting poison, so I got him working
on bleach, but he's beginning to wheeze when he walks.
Use ammonia. That
stuff's terrific.
Good idea. Use ammonia.
B.A. and I'll load the bus. You go with Howling
Mad. Now, drop the stuff in the field at noon.
- You got the leaflets?
- Yeah.
- Had to spend some of Amy's cash to get these.
- Mount up and roll it.
We'll pick up Manny
at Loco Toro.
This thing ain't gonna
make it five miles.
- Tyres worn out. Sucker need new rings.
- B.A., you can fix anything.
Our director, Andre, has got
real confidence in you, boobala.
When this piece of junk start woofing
out smoke and blowing gaskets...
Andre ain't gonna be so happy.
- What's this?
- That's a tent tightener.
- Where do you come from?
- Actually, I'm a rancher.
- A rancher?
- Uh-huh.
Like in rope 'em and brand 'em?
Got over 200 acres and more head
of cow than people can drink milk.
I miss ridin' over the north
40 Sunday mornings...
sitting on top of ol' Topper...
lookin' across my spread.
It's the place I call home.
You're not a rancher.
That's bull.
Nice, though, isn't it?
I was born in this town.
My family has lived
here for 200 years.
These people are good.
I hope they're brave.
If we're gonna run off some bandits,
we're gonna need some help.
No! How many more of you want
to be beaten by that maniac...
or those pigs who ride with him?
If you don't fight back,
he'll continue beating you.
How long can this go on?
He's right. Our fathers
would spit on us.
We have been cowards.
It is better to fight and die
than to run like children.
We're here because we're
friends of Al Massey.
You listened to him.
He tried to help you.
He was dragged from this
town by Malavida Valdez.
And I, for one, do not wish to fight.
We are not soldiers.
I am a soldier.
But we are not strong enough.
Hold it.
You mean you people are gonna let this
man continue to beat on your heads?
There ain't nothin' in the world
worth losin' your pride for.
Life don't mean nothin' unless
you can hold your head up high.
I know. 'Cause I come from a place
where the rats are big as alley cats.
I had no money. Didn't
have a house to stay in.
But, brother, let me
tell you something.
Nobody ever pushed me around.
Look at you. Standin' here
lookin' at your shoes.
Moanin' about some dumb, big,
fat, stupid, stinkin' bandit.
I suppose I can understand
one man runnin' scared...
but a whole town?
A whole village?
You people might
as well be dead.
I call for a vote. All of those who would drive
this bandit out of our town, raise their hands.
You're right. He really
does grow on you.
What do you kids want?
Okay. Come on. You kids can
help me carry this pole.
Let's go. Let's go.
Heads up. Look out below!
Looks like you got
some help, huh?
- I love kids.
- They seem to like you too.
I guess they're not fooled by
that scowl you're always wearing.
Look, lady, the way I
am is the way I am.
If I scare people,
it gives me room.
How do people work with you
if they're so afraid...
you're gonna rip their tongue out
if they say the wrong thing to you?
You talkin' about Hannibal?
He ain't afraid of nothin'.
- You think he has a death wish?
- No. He's just got the jazz.
That's all. Hannibal
got the jazz.
- The jazz?
- Yep.
He's been livin' on the edge ever since I known
him. He's one crazy, hooked-together dude.
That's what kept him
alive through 'Nam.
Kept me and the
others alive also.
- Then why do you do it?
- For the jazz, baby.
It's like walkin' into
a casino in Vegas...
layin' down your money on the crap
table and winnin' on the first roll.
You can't walk away.
You just can't.
You know you can beat 'em
because you just done it.
- That's not the same thing.
- Sure it is.
If you want this guy, Valdez, bad enough, and
we get him, you'll feel it. Wait and see.
Okay, that's it.
Let's circle around, hit
'em with the ammonia.
All right!
- I get this? How come?
- Control the air, you win the war.
- Yeah, but won't we shoot off the prop?
- Nah.
That's what this is for, man. Timin' chains.
Bullet fires between the blades of the prop.
- Is he nuts?
- No, I'm nuts.
He's just an angry mud-sucker.
You think you can spit on me? I will
have your stinking lives for this!
You cannot hide. Not
from Malavida Valdez!
Up here, fatso!
Hey, muchacho. Why you
shoot at Malavida?
'Cause you're a lousy
piece of crud...
and you ought to be hung upside down
from your heels in a vat of pig slop!
You're gonna make
me angry, gringo.
You're not smart
enough to be angry.
You're just mean and stupid.
One man alone in a bell tower?
You are in the high position,
but you are alone.
Maybe I take a grenade and
blow your house down.
I'm not alone. Give
this gonzo a haircut.
Señor, you make the
big mistake with me.
There is no need for
us to be enemies.
This town is full of
men with no heart.
You and I, maybe we make a deal.
Maybe you come down
from there and we talk.
Here's the deal... you
give me Al Massey...
turn your jeeps around
and get out of town.
- And if I say no?
- Then I turn you into a taco dinner.
You got 30 seconds, meathead,
before we start blasting.
No deal, señor!
Stitch 'em, Murdock.
I'm goin' around back.
Now, B.A.
Reload.
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like the bullets hittin' the prop.
The timing chain's slipped.
Hittin' the prop?
We'll shoot it off!
You gotta go with
the flow, baby.
Hang on. I'm making another run.
Well...
you're out of dirt road
and good luck, fatso.
Better throw your weapons down.
Holy Moly! Who are those guys?
Hannibal!
Comin' up the river at ya. If they're
unfriendlies, baby, you are in trouble.
Those guys aren't the army.
They're guerrillas.
B.A., let's go!
Oh, man!
He's got about 400
reinforcements.
Goodbye, sweet prince.
- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Face, this is Hannibal.
They got us.
Do you read?
Face, give us some help.
Do you read me?
Señor, come out.
Come out and see what kind
of surprise I have for you.
Wonderful sense of humour, huh?
Well, you certainly know how
to throw a party, neighbour.
You want Al Massey.
He no look too good today.
Al!
Al, it's Amy. What
have they done to you?
Amy! What are you...
What are you doing?
She come to rescue you, Massey.
They all come down
to rescue you.
I think you should hire some
better peoples next time.
No. Not you, gringo. Not you. We
still have some talking to do.
So, you are the man who has been
causing Señor Valdez so much trouble.
It doesn't take much to cause him trouble.
He keeps tripping over his I.Q.
And who is captured? Who is
the man about to die, huh?
My guess is you don't know
what's going on here anyway.
- You are no threat to us.
- I think I got the game down.
Malavida's a tax man.
He's been running around, shaking
down these mountain villages...
making them grow his marijuana, then
selling it to an American importer...
taking his cut and dropping
the cash in your lap.
How's it sound so far?
Bull's-eye, right?
And you've been using the money to finance
your so-called guerrilla operation up here...
secondhand junk you
call weapons...
makin' believe you're Che Guevara,
runnin' around in the bushes...
trying to learn how to do column
manoeuvres without running over your hat.
You have a very
irritating manner, señor.
Yeah. I know. I been
working on my personality.
Read the Don Rickles book and everything.
Nothing seems to be helping.
How many people know about it?
About us, huh?
Well, if I were you, I'd pull
out the camouflage netting.
You're really big in the
papers in Puntarenas.
Right now, the national
army is on its way.
You better dig your cannons out of the
mud, 'cause you're running out of time.
The army?
- The army?
- Yeah, the army.
- What's the big deal, chickie?
- But the script I read, there's nothing here about an army.
- These things take time.
- Okay, Miguel, you want it straight?
I'll give it straight.
I am real, real disappointed
with this film commission.
I've read the ads you run in the Hollywood trade
papers. "Come down here and film in splendour."
All that "bueno, mi compadres" junk. Since I got here,
nothing but complaints and arguments. So I guess that's it.
No $16 million bonanza for this country.
We are out of here.
We're gonna escape.
Gimme your hat.
- Are those scissors?
- Yes.
- You got any fingernail glue?
- Yeah.
Here.
- Sorry.
- What are you doing?
I need this.
- Hold this.
- Comin' out of the closet, Hannibal?
Funny.
Come on.
- He can't walk.
- Let's carry him.
Get the others out, B.A.
Get down. Get down!
Come on, mama. Come on, mama.
Come on, Colonel!
Get them! Don't let
them get away!
- They're closing!
- They got us.
- You never know.
- I do. We're almost out of gas.
Why did you pick a
truck with no gas?
- Because I liked the paint job.
- I'll feed 'em some more grenades.
We got help. See that
chopper on your left?
That's Face and Howling Mad.
Now follow 'em!
Hang in there, baby.
Great. The cavalry arrived.
Where are the rest of the guys?
Sorry. I couldn't get the army. I managed
to wrangle this camera ship and these guns.
- No extra ammo?
- No.
Wonderful. We've got the whole
guerrilla band chompin' on our tails.
- Okay. It's the four of us.
- Not exactly. Voilà!
I stopped back at San Rio Blanco.
They insisted on coming to help us.
Murdock, grab a fender. Face, take the
right. B.A., get behind the truck.
Hold it, Murdock.
We got some guests leaving.
Let's go.
Get moving!
Move it! Move it! Move it! That's right.
Through the water.
Amy, thank you.
You better have a hell of
an apology ready, pal.
- What do I do to thank you?
- How can we all thank you?
Anybody got a cold beer?
I ain't goin' on no airplane.
What's this?
- Living on the jazz. Four restless romantics...
- "Restless romantics"?
The edge of society, which is the only
place left where they can survive.
What's this? The last
reel of a Disney movie?
I wasn't gonna tell you guys, but
I decided to do a story on you.
- I ain't goin' on no airplane.
- Forget it, lady. It ain't gonna happen.
I know. I know. What you guys are doing
is really important. You saved Al.
And you caught the terrorists.
Everybody's against you.
The government is after you. You gotta
hide. I think that's one hell of a story.
I said I ain't gettin' on
no airplane, Hannibal.
- I won't publish it until you've cleared yourselves.
- You won't publish it, period.
You think we're lookin' to be "Book of the
Month" celebrities? You gotta be nuts.
I'm nuts. Let's keep that straight.
Okay?
- I got my whole room-and-board thing
resting on that fact. - He's right.
B.A. was telling me
about the jazz...
and I think I caught the fever.
- So?
- So, you let me in...
or I write the book
and blow your cover.
I said I ain't gettin' on
no airplane, Hannibal.
Come on, you guys. I can help you
with lots of stuff. I have the paper.
I have influence. I have the computer
at the paper for research stuff.
And I have the first
amendment to hide behind.
- We'll talk about it on the airplane.
- I ain't goin' on no airplane.
- Ah, come on, B.A. Be a sport!
- Got you!
Told you you wouldn't get me
this time, sucker! No, sirree.
Now, B.A., you know I
wouldn't try to fool you.
Don't put no dog pound
shuffle on me, Hannibal!
Get him off the horn, Face.
You drive.
Then I traced these people to L.
A...
where I found that they'd scammed
this aircraft off a jet saleslady.
We can't release this plane. It's
being held until we find the pilot.
Ah, Mr. Sanchez, thank you
for the use of the car.
Ah, Lynch. Excuse us, but we have to take this
plane. We're going back to the U.S. of A.
No, no. Excuse me. You're
under arrest, Colonel.
- All of you are under arrest.
- Only thing is...
we've got to put you in
the trunk of that car.
Colonel!
- Nice.
- I enjoyed it.
We are getting out of México!
Hey, Lynch! Lose a
little weight, will ya?
Sadly, our pilot died.
We're taking him back to Washington
for full military burial.
Hang in there. You guys
run a hell of an airport.
- I love this jazz.
- What's your full name, kid?
- Amy Amanda Allen.
- Triple "A," huh?
Sounds like somebody who belongs
on a unit called the A-Team.
Give him to me now!
Come out!
Come out!
Please, jefe. Please.
We are just poor farmers.
We give you everything.
I want Al Massey.
Where is he? Where do you
hide this gringo pig?
Paco is requesting the pleasure
of your youngest granddaughter.
- No!
- He says...
he could give him a
great daughter, amigo!
He is one with the ladies, no?
Paco, ask this peasant
girl where is Al Massey.
They're coming.
- We must hurry.
- Get out of here, Manny. He doesn't know about you.
He'll find out. These people are
frightened. They'll tell him.
I am not taking you with me, kiddo. I
got this story. I'm gonna write it.
- And I do not share bylines.
- Sure you do.
Hey, Mr. Massey.
How about you come out before I set
fire to this whole stinking town?
We talk, Mr. Massey.
You will see that I am
a poor country man...
a lover of life, a
hunter of rabbits...
a singer of songs.
We will talk. You
come out, okay?
Adios, amigo.
You make a big mistake
with me, idiota.
How many people you
tell about me?
Why you come down here, huh?
I'm on vacation.
- He's not on vacation!
- Who the hell cares? He's on vacation. He's not.
Last year we sent him to
cover the French elections.
Did I get a story? Did I? No.
He ends up lushed out of his
gourd in Costa del Sol.
The paper eats 20 grand in expenses.
And Massey doesn't file a word.
That is not the point.
The point is that you're all
over the road, Allen. Look.
Mexican embassy complains that
you're threatening them. Look!
Special requests from Senator
Billings's office...
using this paper to stir up trouble with
the U.S. Senate and Mexican government.
I was trying to find out what happened to
him. They claim he never even entered Mexico.
Damn it, Grant. Doesn't this rag have a responsibility
to protect its reporters on assignment?
Al Massey's been doing wheels-up
landings here for over a year.
I'm tired of scraping him
off the front steps.
His wife died. He's
been depressed.
I've been carrying him,
but now I'm through.
He's gonna show up in a couple of weeks down
there at a bullfight wearing a lampshade.
I'm not gonna waste any more of this
paper's money on that lost cause.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you use
this paper's influence to rattle windows.
You got that?
He's my friend.
Allen, you need some time off.
I'm suspending you at half pay for
two weeks. You're a good reporter...
but you gotta find some way to
stop sitting on your brains.
Turn over your feature stuff to Mark
and file your filler before you leave.
Just like that.
Honey, get out, before I
pull your plug all the way.
All right!
Somebody had to say it.
Are you all right?
That was really great...
you telling that fathead about
journalistic responsibility.
Did you find Massey's research paper?
Did he file any copy at all?
Nothing. I did take the liberty
of stopping by his house.
I used to do a little second-storey
work when I was with the Miami Herald.
I am a killer with
louvered windows.
Anyway, I went through his apartment
last night and pulled out this.
- From under his mattress.
- San Rio Blanco?
Is this all there is? A name...
Manny Cortez... and a phone number?
Yep. I looked it up, and San Rio Blanco is
a little town in the hills above Acapulco.
What about that other thing?
That commando team?
Did you get anything
more on that?
- Zack, I'm talking to you.
- Look, kid, I told you, it is a rumor.
Strictly a rumor.
Mike Kelly tried to follow that story about
six months ago before he got sacked.
He couldn't even prove
that they existed.
There was a rumor that they broke some
senator's kid out of a Turkish prison.
Soldiers of fortune. Outriders
who would do anything anywhere.
- The A-Team. Isn't that what
he called them? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Terrific.
These guys knocked over
the Bank of Hanoi...
four days after the
Vietnam War ended.
They wandered out of the D.M.Z. with 100
million yen and got busted by the army.
Nobody knew anything about the mission.
They claim they were under orders...
from a Colonel, uh, Morrison...
but Morrison took a round in
one of the last shellings.
His headquarters burnt to the ground, so
no record of the mission was ever found.
There was a big stink. And
then right before the trial...
they went over the
wall and disappeared.
- That was 10 years ago.
- And they're still wanted?
Oh, yeah, yeah. There's
one guy in here...
Here. A colonel named Lynch.
He ran the prison at Fort Bragg.
He is still looking for them.
It is a vendetta for him.
Okay, Zack, I'm sufficiently intrigued.
Who are they?
All right.
The leader is a colonel
named John Smith.
But everybody calls
him Hannibal.
The guy has a very
unorthodox style.
Not bad. Who else?
Bosco Baracus.
Known as B.A. for
"bad attitude."
The man is a mechanical genius.
He also has one of the worst
conduct records in the army.
He likes to slug officers.
Now this is more like it.
Templeton Peck, known
as the Faceman.
In and out of trouble. An orphan from L.A.
This guy is Mr. Ricky-Ticky.
A con man. A real operator.
And that's the unit.
I wonder where they are now.
Hannibal's gotta be
down there somewhere.
- Let's go!
- Cut! Who the hell is that?
Where'd that moron come from?
Mike, don't we have an A.D. to
hold the traffic on that road?
Sorry, Jerry. That's our screwup.
I'll get a guy up there.
Come on! People, we're burning daylight
here. Let's stay together here, huh?
Did you like the arms?
Johnny, I want 30 seconds underwater.
Thirty seconds after "action."
You're popping up like the
rubber duck in my kid's bathtub.
I gotta stay down there two minutes
for the water to get still.
- You want 30 seconds after that? You gotta be nuts.
- Hey, pal, that's the job.
The guy we had in Aquamania
1 stayed down four minutes.
- Then why isn't he doing it now?
- He had a little brain haemorrhage or something.
I don't know. Let's go. Come on.
Let's get this sucker in the can. Back
in the drink, chickie. Same shot.
I'm looking for John Smith!
John, where are ya?
Hey, hey, it's me.
Get back in the lake! Come on.
I'm on a tight clock here!
Just give us a second here, fellas.
He's on us... Colonel Lynch.
He hit B.A.'s pad two
hours ago with six M.P.s.
- They're around my place like goonies at a supermarket opening.
- How'd he trace us?
Maybe the senator's kid talked.
Never thought he had his lights on.
- If he burned us, he knows about me.
- You got it. We should disappear.
I got one more shot and I'm through.
Now watch this.
I think I got a real handle
on my character here.
I'm playing mean with a
kind of a sad reluctance.
Yeah? Well, you're about to get a
chance to play it for Colonel Lynch.
That's him. John Hannibal Smith.
Come on. Get him. Go, go, go!
- Give me my tail.
- Where are you going?
- Waldorf-Astoria, driver. And step on it.
- Funny.
Up!
Hey, come back!
Where's the Aquamaniac going?
Look out!
We gotta get off this
movie lot, Hannibal.
Come on! Come on!
Mommy, it's the Aquamaniac!
- How you doing?
- I ain't stopping for no autographs.
Take a right here. We'll
cut through Roman Street.
I know this lot like
the back of my hand.
Oh, no. They changed it.
Like the back of your
hand, huh, sucker?
Great!
- Whoo!
- One down, two to go.
We just lost Henderson in the lake.
You watch yourself.
Bradshaw, where are you?
I think I'm in Quincy's living room.
- We're falling apart here.
We're now entering the
parting of the Red Sea.
As you can see it's gonna be much
easier for us than it was in the film.
- I don't think we're gonna get wet today.
- Get that hunk of junk movin'!
Straight behind us is the
man from the Aquamaniac.
Let's turn around and
give him a big wave.
Now that we've gotten that out
of the way, over on your left...
Hold it. Let me out.
What are you doing, Hannibal?
What's he doing?
Pull it and let's make tracks!
Wait! Wait!
He's daring me.
No, wait!
He loves the risk, the danger.
He loves the jazz.
Hold it! Wait!
Just a little bit more.
One more step and I got him.
I got him! Now!
Colonel Lynch.
Colonel Lynch.
Colonel Lynch, come up!
Colonel Lynch!
Nice try, Colonel,
but you ain't Moses.
Beautiful. Give me my tail.
Damn it, Hannibal. All you had
to do was pull the lever.
What was that Maury Wills junk? He could have
fired a shot or blown a wheel off this bus.
Old Hannibal loves the jazz, man.
He loves the jazz.
Lighten up, fellas. You gotta
do these things with style.
Don't tell me you didn't love seeing him
over his head in that rancid water.
No, we didn't love it.
There's a payphone.
Pull over here.
I gotta call Murdock and tell
him Lynch is after us again.
I ain't going anywhere
with him, Hannibal.
Veterans Administration Hospital.
Good afternoon.
May I speak to Mr. H.M.
Murdock, please?
He's in your mental ward.
I"ll be with you in a minute.
I gotta answer my phone.
I gotta be alone with my phone.
Howling Mad Murdock here.
Murdock, Lynch fell on us.
He may be heading your way.
He may get real tough.
Hannibal, I got company
standing in the hall right now.
Who's there, Murdock?
A girl reporter. She knows I flew you guys
in 'Nam. Got it from Pentagon records.
A reporter?
Only she says she's got
a job for us in México.
Remember that friend of mine, that guy
who kept fading out, that Mexican guy?
Be careful of the reporter.
If she looks legit...
send her to the alley behind the
Kozy Kat Klub at 2:00 a.m. Tonight.
- And watch out for Lynch.
- Don't worry about Colonel Geek.
I'm gonna slam-dunk that sucker.
And may the great spirit watch over your
refrigerator and keep it cold. World without end.
- Adios.
- I think he's getting worse.
Sorry. My mother
was on the phone.
Your mother?
On the file I got on you, it said
she died when you were five.
She did, but I had a line put in.
You know, what a hassle.
Telephone company,
they don't cooperate.
Took a while, but
we're solid now.
So you never heard of the
A-Team or any of these guys?
Look. I got problems, you know.
Mr. Murdock, what are you doing?
I'm shaving. Come on. Haven't you
ever seen a man shave in the morning?
I'm sorry what happened to you.
Bye, Mr. Murdock.
The A-Team?
Go to the alley behind
the Kozy Kat Klub...
in Hollywood at 2:00 a.m.
And wait until you're contacted.
I have a hunch this Murdock character isn't
anywhere near as crazy as he pretends.
He's not faking. Mr. Murdock has paranoid
anxiety delusions and intermittent memory loss.
Be that as it may, I'm gonna press
him hard and see what happens.
- That won't snap him, will it?
- No. He's usually a lot of fun.
However, if he starts talking about ammonia,
that's a clue he may become violent.
- Violent?
- Hardly ever happens.
But watch out. It's a trigger
word for his aggressive cycle.
Ammonia?
Where's my dog Billy?
You seen my dog?
What you doing, man? Step off! Step off!
Did you bring any candy?
- Mr. Murdock, get down from there.
- From where?
- Off the cabinet.
- Don't worry about it, Nurse.
Leave him up there. It doesn't bother me.
I'll take it from here. Thank you.
Well, who are we today?
Harold Lloyd? King Kong?
Napoleon's parrot?
I'm not nuts.
I keep telling everybody, don't you
think I wanna get out of here...
and see E. T. Just
like everybody else?
I have a sneaky feeling that
you're faking all this.
If you could prove that,
I'd sure appreciate it...
'cause they think I'm looney
tunes, and I keep telling them...
Man, I'm gonna hit you
right alongside the head.
♪ Alouette, gentile Alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai ♪♪
Get off my pants leg! I can't deal with
it when you grab my pants all the time!
Who's using garlic here? I'm sorry.
What were we talking about?
We were, uh...
We were talking about the fact that
you flew the mission over the D.M.Z.
You were the A-Team pilot in 'Nam. You
dropped off Smith, Baracus and Peck...
when they did their Hanoi bank job, and I
think you're still working with them today.
Get off my leg! I can't stand
it when you touch me like that!
Watch out! It's ammonia.
They... They use
it on the floors.
It eats through the
soles of your shoes.
- It burns your feet.
- Amm...
Why do you think I'm sitting
on top of this dresser?
I'm not up here for
the fresh air.
What happened to your head?
They hook you up to this
machine and give you...
a zapper-roo to the old noggin.
- Electric shock therapy?
- Can you smell it?
Ammonia!
It's on everything.
And I hate ammonia.
I hate everything. I hate this
dresser, my straitjacket.
And I hate you.
Murdock, I didn't
mean to trouble you.
Colonel.
Take care of yourself, son.
You really ought
to see his record.
The man flew everything
from jets to choppers.
He was in the Thunderbirds
before the war.
One of the best combat
pilots in 'Nam.
Snapped. No doubt about it.
Okay, we've got one lead left.
That's the girl that called the veterans
administration trying to get a line on Hannibal Smith.
Amy Allen, newspaper lady. She was hunting
up a story like the guy last year.
Maybe. Stake her out. She's the only lead we've got
left and I wanna know where she is every minute.
Hello? Is anybody there?
Are you all right?
That was almost a full bottle.
- Where do you live?
- In a box.
- In the alley.
- Wait.
Here.
Take this. Spend it
on food or something.
Please.
You are a princess...
in a world of dragons.
I like your style, Miss Allen.
Now if you can pass Mr. Lee's
test, you've hired the A-Team.
No park here!
- What?
- People's coming. You no park here.
- Must leave. Must go. Law say no park here.
- Please, don't yell at people.
Yellow people? You no
like yellow people?
No, not yellow people.
"Yell at people."
Don't yell at me, okay? I
have a terrible headache.
- You no park here. You go.
- Okay, okay, I'll move it.
What time is it?
Seven and half.
Wouldn't happen to have any aspirin?
I'll pay you for it.
- You come. I fix.
- What about the car?
The master say...
only the very wisest and the
very stupidest cannot change.
Confucius. Great. Just what I need
to go along with this headache.
Thank you.
You look for A-Team?
- What do you know about that?
- Many Chinese in Vietnam.
Many peoples know A-Team.
- A friend of mine disappeared...
- A-Team know.
How much money missy got?
- I have a house, some stocks and bonds.
- Mm-hmm.
I could raise about $150,000.
No is enough. A-Team cost more.
More? Who do these guys think they are?
You gotta be kidding. More than that?
The master say...
women and people of low birth
are hard to deal with.
I can't wait to pass that along.
How much is life worth? How much A.
Massey life worth?
Everything I own.
You get money. Bring A.
Massey picture.
You no hear from me in
two days, is no deal.
- Goodbye, missy.
- Mr. Lee...
Goodbye.
You're late, my boy. I was
wondering if you forgot.
Come closer. I can't see ya.
What is it that you're wearin'?
Is it a clerical collar?
They won't let anybody in to see ya unless
they're from your parish or your doctor.
So ya run off and you steal
a clerical collar, huh?
You've been a project of my life ever
since you wandered in off the streets.
Five years old, no
home, no family.
But ya did keep all us old goats at the
orphanage on our toes, that you did.
I been givin' ya a
great deal of thought.
First you're orphaned by your
parents, and then by your country.
Now you spend your
Saturdays in here with me.
You've got to invest
in yourself, son.
I wanna get back. I'm
tired of running.
I'd like to have a family, but you can't
do that with the government on your tail.
So, in the meantime, I'll be
satisfied just to survive.
Now we join Psychology Chat
Back with Dr Toni Pace.
Hi there. Our first caller
is Carl from Covina.
- How you doing, Carl?
- Well, Toni, I'd like to say I'm doing fine.
But this month has really
been strange for me.
Carl from Covina.
Carl from Covina.
Why don't you tell me about it?
- Well...
- Mexico. He wants to go to Mexico.
- Okay.
- I moved back in with my younger sister.
- Client's a woman.
- How old is your sister, Carl?
- She's 25.
She's always been very
assertive and I...
well, I just hate confrontation.
- Sure you do, Hannibal.
- Who's Hannibal, man?
You don't know Hannibal?
When you go to school, don't they teach
you about Hannibal and them elephants?
- Not yet.
- Hannibal was a Carthaginian commander.
He took his army over
the Alps into Italy.
He used elephants to
carry his equipment.
Nobody thought you could take an army
over the Alps, but Hannibal did.
Caught the Romans
sleeping and beat 'em up.
It's your life, Carl. What
do you think you should do?
Well, I know this race driver.
And I thought I
could call him...
and have him pick me up
at 3:00 this afternoon.
I gotta get. I gotta pick
up a friend at 3:00.
- Sure like to meet a guy like Hannibal.
- He's a piece of work, all right.
I may be gone for
a couple of days.
Oh, fellas, I gotta
make a livin'.
I'll see ya maybe next week.
Don't steal no hubcaps.
And not ask my sister's
permission or nothing?
Be firm. Don't let
her run your life.
You run it. Say it
like you mean it...
and most people will
do whatever you want.
Good afternoon. Lieutenant Blackmore to check out
Captain Murdock for psychiatric reevaluation.
I don't have any
orders to that effect.
His file was specifically chosen by General Fred
White, the surgeon general of the air force.
We would like an update. I have gone to a lot of trouble
checking his Uncle Deke out of Fairview Mental Hospital.
- His uncle who?
- His Uncle Deke Murdock.
The cleaning fluid salesman.
Certainly you're familiar
with his ammonia fixation.
He hates it.
No. He hates his Uncle Deke
who used to sell the stuff.
- Classic hate transferral.
- You're kidding.
I find it best not to kid about mental
disorder, don't you, Nurse Schnider?
I don't have a lot of time. I only
have his uncle for the day...
because he's scheduled for a
frontal lobe severance tomorrow.
His uncle is having a
lobotomy tomorrow?
The whole family is crackers. Can we move
this along? I don't have a lot of time.
And the general will
be calling me at 5:00.
Have Captain Murdock
made ready for release.
I'm surprised the surgeon
general let me out.
He didn't. I did. I had to bring
your Uncle Deke into town.
- How is Uncle Deke?
- You don't have an Uncle Deke.
- I'm sorry to hear about that. I was beginning to like him.
- You hated him. He used to beat you.
That creep!
- Where'd you get the parade float?
- I scrounged it off Cactus Jack Perkins, the rodeo rider.
He thinks I'm doing a ring job on it over the
weekend. I got us a Gulfstream. Can you fly it?
Hey, brother, if it's got
wings, I can fly it.
- Great.
- Hey, Face, what's a Gulfstream?
Amy Allen. I'm Hannibal Smith. I
understand you wanna hire the A-Team.
- Mm-hmm - We'll take the job. You
got the money and the picture?
- Yeah.
- Give it to me.
- Later.
- You wanna go to Mexico?
You got it.
Right now? I'm not packed.
What about my car?
Lock it and leave it. We're leaving.
You got five seconds.
Miss Amy Allen, may I
present Bosco Baracus. B.A.
Don't worry about it.
He's got a bad attitude.
But he'll grow on you.
Let's go, B.A.
Colonel Lynch, this is Mark.
I made him.
He just picked a girl up in the
garage of the Courier Express.
Stay on him. Vector me in.
Don't let him spot you. I'm
on my way with troops.
Kids.
I've been laying the groundwork on
this plane deal for two months.
Just keep your mouth shut.
- Jo Bob Jameson.
- Howdy, Avon.
I thought you and your Daddy Hank
bought that Lear in Santa Barbara.
Before we start yammering away on these business
details, I want you to meet my personal pilot.
This here's a fella by the
name of Buster Hawthorn.
- You give Avon a big old howdy.
- Big howdy.
Buster, why don't you mosey on over there and
take a real good look at that Gulfstream...
and we're gonna see if Avon and Jo Bob
gonna be able to cut us a calf here.
- So, tell me what happened to the Lear.
- Oh. Well...
This is gonna give
you a big yahoo.
All right. I get that little
sucker on home to Texas.
Daddy Hank, he gets in. He sets down.
He's all excited.
And I'll be damned if his Stetson
doesn't bang the top of that cabin.
He was madder than a hornet's nest in
a rainstorm. It was driving him nuts.
So he says to me, "Jo
Bob..." He calls me Jo Bob.
"Jo Bob, you get back on out there and get me
that Gulfstream you was telling me about."
So, here I am.
- We can make the deal.
- You know what I was thinking though?
I thought if I could test-fly that sucker on down
to Houston, Daddy Hank... I call him Daddy Hank...
he's down there
horse-trading hotels.
If I could fly him around
over the weekend...
just make sure he ain't
gonna have no problems.
I'd hate to have him knock
his hat off in the john.
- I'll just make up the sales agreement.
- Now listen here.
I'm a rude man. Do y'all
want a cheque, a deposit?
Oh, no. Your credit's
okay with us, Jo Bob.
You keep talking like that,
I'm gonna take you with me.
- Where we going?
- We're gonna turn right up here.
I ain't going to no airport, Hannibal. I ain't
gonna fly with that crazy fool Murdock.
- Did I mention Murdock?
- Murdock?
- We're not going to the airport, B.A.
- Isn't Murdock kind of crazy?
If he's flying,
then we're dying.
Turn right, right up there.
What you doing, sucker?
- I think I'll get out for a minute.
- What's going on here?
This road leads directly
to the airport, Hannibal.
This road is nowhere
near the airport.
What's going on? Will somebody
please tell me what's going on?
You lied to me.
Lied? Me?
I told you what I was gonna do to you next time
you tried to take me on an airplane, didn't I?
- What is going on?
- Now, B. A...
you're gonna have one of your
anxiety blackouts and...
Now take it easy, B.A.
Take it easy.
- Why'd he hit you?
- Hit me?
If he'd hit me, I'd
be in the hospital.
Colonel Lynch, it looks like they're
headed towards the airport.
I'm almost there. I'm
on the way with troops.
They're over there.
Here we are. There they are.
I love it when a
plan comes together.
Get behind him and push.
Wait a minute. Let
me get his foot.
You have to do this
every time he flies?
He's afraid to fly. Kind
of silly, isn't it?
It's a notch or two past silly.
This is ridiculous.
Get the luggage, kid.
- Who is that?
- Oh, that?
That's nothing. File it
under "old business."
Welcome to Air Chance. Sorry.
We're out of kosher dinners.
- Lynch is coming.
- Murdock!
Lynch is right behind us, baby.
Get the clearance.
Got him. Okay.
Murdock, go!
Hannibal wanted me to tell you
we're headed to Acapulco.
I don't have no flight plans for Mexico. I could
follow up the coast, but we don't have enough fuel.
It's better if I swing by the airport and
try to pick up a flight and follow it down.
All right, look,
I have a 3:30...
Aeronaves de Mexico
into Acapulco...
and I have...
a 4:10 Western.
They're both out of L.A.X.
I think that we go 4:10
Western to Acapulco.
They're big red and white ones.
They're easier to see.
And their pilots don't
mind if you hitchhike.
Excuse me, but what
are you doing?
We're tying him up so he won't
kill us if he comes to.
I see.
Excuse me again, but
isn't he one of you?
- Isn't he on the team?
- Yes.
- Then why'd you have to drug him?
- He hates the pilot.
- Hates the pilot? Why?
- Because our pilot is insane.
So he's up there now flying us?
Yes.
What a kidder.
I'm not sure you are exactly
what I bargained for.
Let's get something
straight right now.
You want your friend back. The
authorities shined you on.
So you went out and hired
a bunch of gunfighters.
Now, if you wanted somebody with good manners,
you should have hired an English butler.
- The pilot's really insane?
- We think so.
- Are you still being chased by the government?
- That's right.
What I don't understand is why you aren't
all living in Switzerland where it's safe.
Because we're not Swiss.
We're Americans.
We've got a little
problem right now.
But we'll work our way out of it somehow.
In the meantime...
we stick together and
do what we do best.
Now, Mr. Lee said...
you had $150,000
to finance this...
operation, right?
The bank was closed. I
borrowed all I could.
Twenty-five thousand and change.
You came up a little short, honey. Twenty-five
thousand won't keep us in jet fuel.
I think we ought to turn
around and call it off.
Mr. Smith, I'm sorry. I couldn't
get the money fast enough.
Mr. Lee said he would call
and give me advance warning.
- That isn't what he said.
- How do you know? You weren't there.
He was spouting proverbs all over the
place. I couldn't understand him.
We could start the movie company again. Promote
the stuff we need from the film commission.
- That's always such a big hassle.
- I promise you, we'll get the money when we get back.
My word is good.
Women and people of high
birth are very trustworthy.
The master say...
woman and people of low birth...
are hard to deal with.
I'll be damned.
No. You'll be a princess...
in a world full of dragons.
Flight 607, heavy. You are on
final approach and clear...
to land on runway one-six.
He's waking up, Hannibal.
Then he's gonna bust these
straps and feed us our shoes.
Uh...
The sleeping giant awakes.
- How fast can you get us down?
- You just landed, brother.
Unidentified aircraft
behind 607 heading.
- You are intruding on final approach over another aircraft.
- What say, muchacho?
Uh, aren't you supposed
to talk to that guy?
We got the Cisco Kid in the tower.
He's screaming at me in Mexican, man.
We're gonna have trouble with
the airport about this landing.
They can't do anything to me. I
escaped from a mental institution.
It's not my fault. I don't even have a licence any
more. I don't think I should be flying at all.
- You got the script?
- It's in the back.
Head of the film commission is Miguel Perez.
So we're doing the sexy, dumb, blond movie.
- What?
- Let's get this poor heart attack victim off the plane. Murdock, bring your headset.
What are you guys doing?
Nurse, keep this on
the patient's face.
Here we go again, Murdock.
Heart attack victim.
- This plane is being impounded for illegal landing. Who's the pilot?
- Who are you?
I am Ground Control Officer Sanchez. I'm
asking you, who's the pilot of this aircraft?
- This man is dying. How is he, Doctor?
- Seventy over 120. Pulse is weak. Is he on medication?
He's got medication in the luggage.
Bring the luggage!
- I think he's not breathing.
- Nobody said anything about a heart attack. Nobody told us.
Of course you weren't told. We
didn't wanna panic the passengers.
- What passengers?
- I was a passenger.
- What?
- This man is dying. Where's the hospital?
- On the main road to town.
- Keys, please.
Sixty over 112 and dropping. We're gonna
need life support. This man's almost dead.
- Keys!
- I'll call you from the hospital.
- Where are we, man?
- Welcome back, B.A. You really slept, kid.
- Where are we?
- We're in beautiful Puntarenas.
We drove all night, and
you slept like a baby.
It's a long ride. I wish one of
these times you'd agree to fly.
- I am stiff as a board.
- It's Friday already?
Right. Must have had one of
your little anxiety blackouts.
- How you feeling?
- Ain't feeling like I slept no 26 hours, man.
And when'd you get here? What you doing?
You can't drive, sucker!
I can't?
Okay, I give up. I give up. It's all yours.
It's all yours. It's all yours.
You were asleep. Somebody had
to drive this hunk of junk.
All right. Face, you get us some digs and start
throwing snowballs at the film commissioner.
We're probably gonna have to scrounge a pot
of stuff 'cause the client stiffed us.
- I said I was sorry.
- Now that B.A.'s all rested, I'll take him with me and Miss Allen.
We"ll get a line on Manny Cortez
and play it like it lays.
Good enough. Murdock and I will
handle the film commission.
Are we doing Boots
and Bikinis again?
I hate that movie. Face, did you
ever read that script? It stinks.
We're gonna keep making
it till we get it right.
- It's Friday already? I must have slept like a brick.
- You really did, B.A.
Got a favourite hotel down here?
- Nah.
- The Princess is nice.
- Good enough. Let's go.
We gotta get some new threads
before we hit the Princess.
It's Friday already?
- Are you checking in?
- I'm with 20th Century Fox.
- We're with the movie company.
- Pardon me, sir?
The Farrah Fawcett, Bo
Derek, Loni Anderson movie.
- The what?
- Of course you've been told about it.
I'm sorry, sir, but I know nothing
about that. Perhaps at the desk.
Oh, boy. There better not
have been a foul-up on this.
My head will roll if this
deal got messed up too.
- Okay, this is the place.
- What place?
Telephone numbers in Massey's
notes, it belongs to this joint.
You're the backup. I'll go
in and tip the joint over.
- See what happens.
- I'm going with you.
- You got health insurance?
- Yes.
"Tip the joint over"? Very
macho, but is it smart?
If I was smart, I wouldn't be working
for some skirt with no money.
You learn to love him, mama,
but it takes a long time.
That's the same thing
he said about you.
This place looks long on local
colour and short on blended whisky.
- I hope you have a plan.
- Of course I do, Miss Allen.
Hey, señor.
This bar is not for
American tourists.
Glad to hear it. It's kind of hot out
there. You got a couple of beers?
We have nothing for you
here, except a warning.
Go now. There is plenty
cantinas down at the beach.
I'm looking for a man
named Manny Cortez.
- Is this part of the plan?
- No.
We are not little children to be impressed
because you speak our language.
We're gonna find
out what you want.
- Is this...
- No.
You want tough? You got tough.
B.A.!
Quintana!
- You want him?
- No, you take him.
- Is this part of the plan?
- No.
I didn't think so.
Oh, well.
Amy Allen. Los Angeles
Courier Express.
- If I might explain...
- I wasn't talking to you, chico, so keep it still.
Why do you want Manny Cortez?
I'm looking for a friend of mine.
His name is Al Massey.
He also worked on the Courier.
He was down here on a
story and he disappeared.
I wanna find him.
So he told you about her. But that
doesn't tell us who you are, sonny.
I'm the man you so
desperately seek, señor.
I'm Manny Cortez.
I love it when a
plan comes together.
Al Massey was captured by a
bandit, Malavida Valdez.
He's terrorizing villages
in the mountains.
I'm a marked man. Valdez
has agents in Puntarenas.
- I must be careful.
- What about Al? Is he okay?
There's a chance
he's still alive.
- We'll talk about it later.
- We're at the Princess Hotel.
Hello. All right!
- How much did this place cost?
- Nothing. It's on the house.
José, the manager, couldn't turn any rooms,
so we had to settle for the owner's villa.
Everybody's got their own room. You'll
find clothing in the bedroom closet.
Miguel, the film commissioner, is reading the
script. Get him out there beating the bushes.
The rewrites are coming tomorrow. The green pages will have
most of the scenes that contain the equipment we need.
- Good.
- Do you do this all the time?
- We haven't done the movie company in six months.
- So, what do we do next?
See Manny Cortez, get his story, scrounge
the stuff we need and get out of town.
Tomorrow morning, I wanna be
on my way to San Rio Blanco.
Valdez usually comes in
from this direction.
It's all open out here. Any sentry could
spot him almost a mile and a half away.
- You've got to have some idea where the marijuana fields are.
- Somewhere in here.
The townpeople who has been forced to work on the
fields estimate them to be approximately five miles...
which, by jeep, would put it
somewhere in this radius.
Whenever he takes them out
there, they are blindfolded.
Don't worry. If it's inside a five mile
radius, I can spot it... from the air.
- We're gonna need some armour plating.
- Got it.
And a deuce and a half. Maybe a dump truck.
Something big.
Ten-wheeler?
I think we'll spray
this guy's field.
A crop duster and some poison
to kill his marijuana crops.
I love it when a mark is angry.
They don't think straight.
And it'll bring him to us.
Make him play on our field.
Poison.
Crop duster.
I'd love some artillery. A 105
would be beautiful. Recoilless.
That's gonna be tough to work into a
picture called Boots and Bikinis.
I'll get something.
Don't bother Miguel.
Wait a minute. How are you
gonna get all that stuff?
We're not. Miguel, the film commissioner,
is, if Amy will lend us a hand.
The director, Andre, is
coming down tomorrow...
with Bo, Loni, and Farrah,
and nothing's been set up.
Boobala, you know I'm in big trouble with Andre. I
mean, chickie, my job is hanging by the ol' threadola.
But, Mr. Peck, a crop duster?
Three-inch metal plating? None of these
things were in the script that I read.
- Amy!
- It's all in the greens.
You did get the green pages? I had you on the
distribution list with all the revisions.
I'll straighten that out and get
you a xerox of my copy, Mr. Perez.
Miguel.
I still don't see. The story I read
was about three American blonds...
who fall in love with a lifeguard,
a bullfighter and a schoolteacher.
Andre's got this idea about stickin'
in this cornball dream sequence.
Bo Derek on the wing
of a biplane...
spraying this field that her
lover is standing in below.
You want my opinion? It stinks! That
kinda stuff went out with capped teeth.
- But if he wants it, he gets it.
- And the armour plating is for what?
- It's not armour plating, Mike.
- It's metal bulkhead for the submarine sequence.
I know. I know. Qué submarine?
Well, the part of the lifeguard has been
rewritten. He's now a sub commander.
We're doing two scenes where
Loni comes aboard the sub.
But we have no
submarines in our navy.
It's a fluff picture, Mike. The director is a nut
bar. Nothin' makes sense in Hollywood any more.
Listen. Just help me here. Stay with me, boobie.
At least I'm not asking you for a lousy cannon.
A bus? What happened
to the 10-wheel truck?
It's the best I could do on such short
notice. I'm working Miguel overtime.
We got a line on the armour
plating and the crop duster.
We're having trouble getting poison, so I got him working
on bleach, but he's beginning to wheeze when he walks.
Use ammonia. That
stuff's terrific.
Good idea. Use ammonia.
B.A. and I'll load the bus. You go with Howling
Mad. Now, drop the stuff in the field at noon.
- You got the leaflets?
- Yeah.
- Had to spend some of Amy's cash to get these.
- Mount up and roll it.
We'll pick up Manny
at Loco Toro.
This thing ain't gonna
make it five miles.
- Tyres worn out. Sucker need new rings.
- B.A., you can fix anything.
Our director, Andre, has got
real confidence in you, boobala.
When this piece of junk start woofing
out smoke and blowing gaskets...
Andre ain't gonna be so happy.
- What's this?
- That's a tent tightener.
- Where do you come from?
- Actually, I'm a rancher.
- A rancher?
- Uh-huh.
Like in rope 'em and brand 'em?
Got over 200 acres and more head
of cow than people can drink milk.
I miss ridin' over the north
40 Sunday mornings...
sitting on top of ol' Topper...
lookin' across my spread.
It's the place I call home.
You're not a rancher.
That's bull.
Nice, though, isn't it?
I was born in this town.
My family has lived
here for 200 years.
These people are good.
I hope they're brave.
If we're gonna run off some bandits,
we're gonna need some help.
No! How many more of you want
to be beaten by that maniac...
or those pigs who ride with him?
If you don't fight back,
he'll continue beating you.
How long can this go on?
He's right. Our fathers
would spit on us.
We have been cowards.
It is better to fight and die
than to run like children.
We're here because we're
friends of Al Massey.
You listened to him.
He tried to help you.
He was dragged from this
town by Malavida Valdez.
And I, for one, do not wish to fight.
We are not soldiers.
I am a soldier.
But we are not strong enough.
Hold it.
You mean you people are gonna let this
man continue to beat on your heads?
There ain't nothin' in the world
worth losin' your pride for.
Life don't mean nothin' unless
you can hold your head up high.
I know. 'Cause I come from a place
where the rats are big as alley cats.
I had no money. Didn't
have a house to stay in.
But, brother, let me
tell you something.
Nobody ever pushed me around.
Look at you. Standin' here
lookin' at your shoes.
Moanin' about some dumb, big,
fat, stupid, stinkin' bandit.
I suppose I can understand
one man runnin' scared...
but a whole town?
A whole village?
You people might
as well be dead.
I call for a vote. All of those who would drive
this bandit out of our town, raise their hands.
You're right. He really
does grow on you.
What do you kids want?
Okay. Come on. You kids can
help me carry this pole.
Let's go. Let's go.
Heads up. Look out below!
Looks like you got
some help, huh?
- I love kids.
- They seem to like you too.
I guess they're not fooled by
that scowl you're always wearing.
Look, lady, the way I
am is the way I am.
If I scare people,
it gives me room.
How do people work with you
if they're so afraid...
you're gonna rip their tongue out
if they say the wrong thing to you?
You talkin' about Hannibal?
He ain't afraid of nothin'.
- You think he has a death wish?
- No. He's just got the jazz.
That's all. Hannibal
got the jazz.
- The jazz?
- Yep.
He's been livin' on the edge ever since I known
him. He's one crazy, hooked-together dude.
That's what kept him
alive through 'Nam.
Kept me and the
others alive also.
- Then why do you do it?
- For the jazz, baby.
It's like walkin' into
a casino in Vegas...
layin' down your money on the crap
table and winnin' on the first roll.
You can't walk away.
You just can't.
You know you can beat 'em
because you just done it.
- That's not the same thing.
- Sure it is.
If you want this guy, Valdez, bad enough, and
we get him, you'll feel it. Wait and see.
Okay, that's it.
Let's circle around, hit
'em with the ammonia.
All right!
- I get this? How come?
- Control the air, you win the war.
- Yeah, but won't we shoot off the prop?
- Nah.
That's what this is for, man. Timin' chains.
Bullet fires between the blades of the prop.
- Is he nuts?
- No, I'm nuts.
He's just an angry mud-sucker.
You think you can spit on me? I will
have your stinking lives for this!
You cannot hide. Not
from Malavida Valdez!
Up here, fatso!
Hey, muchacho. Why you
shoot at Malavida?
'Cause you're a lousy
piece of crud...
and you ought to be hung upside down
from your heels in a vat of pig slop!
You're gonna make
me angry, gringo.
You're not smart
enough to be angry.
You're just mean and stupid.
One man alone in a bell tower?
You are in the high position,
but you are alone.
Maybe I take a grenade and
blow your house down.
I'm not alone. Give
this gonzo a haircut.
Señor, you make the
big mistake with me.
There is no need for
us to be enemies.
This town is full of
men with no heart.
You and I, maybe we make a deal.
Maybe you come down
from there and we talk.
Here's the deal... you
give me Al Massey...
turn your jeeps around
and get out of town.
- And if I say no?
- Then I turn you into a taco dinner.
You got 30 seconds, meathead,
before we start blasting.
No deal, señor!
Stitch 'em, Murdock.
I'm goin' around back.
Now, B.A.
Reload.
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like the bullets hittin' the prop.
The timing chain's slipped.
Hittin' the prop?
We'll shoot it off!
You gotta go with
the flow, baby.
Hang on. I'm making another run.
Well...
you're out of dirt road
and good luck, fatso.
Better throw your weapons down.
Holy Moly! Who are those guys?
Hannibal!
Comin' up the river at ya. If they're
unfriendlies, baby, you are in trouble.
Those guys aren't the army.
They're guerrillas.
B.A., let's go!
Oh, man!
He's got about 400
reinforcements.
Goodbye, sweet prince.
- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Face, this is Hannibal.
They got us.
Do you read?
Face, give us some help.
Do you read me?
Señor, come out.
Come out and see what kind
of surprise I have for you.
Wonderful sense of humour, huh?
Well, you certainly know how
to throw a party, neighbour.
You want Al Massey.
He no look too good today.
Al!
Al, it's Amy. What
have they done to you?
Amy! What are you...
What are you doing?
She come to rescue you, Massey.
They all come down
to rescue you.
I think you should hire some
better peoples next time.
No. Not you, gringo. Not you. We
still have some talking to do.
So, you are the man who has been
causing Señor Valdez so much trouble.
It doesn't take much to cause him trouble.
He keeps tripping over his I.Q.
And who is captured? Who is
the man about to die, huh?
My guess is you don't know
what's going on here anyway.
- You are no threat to us.
- I think I got the game down.
Malavida's a tax man.
He's been running around, shaking
down these mountain villages...
making them grow his marijuana, then
selling it to an American importer...
taking his cut and dropping
the cash in your lap.
How's it sound so far?
Bull's-eye, right?
And you've been using the money to finance
your so-called guerrilla operation up here...
secondhand junk you
call weapons...
makin' believe you're Che Guevara,
runnin' around in the bushes...
trying to learn how to do column
manoeuvres without running over your hat.
You have a very
irritating manner, señor.
Yeah. I know. I been
working on my personality.
Read the Don Rickles book and everything.
Nothing seems to be helping.
How many people know about it?
About us, huh?
Well, if I were you, I'd pull
out the camouflage netting.
You're really big in the
papers in Puntarenas.
Right now, the national
army is on its way.
You better dig your cannons out of the
mud, 'cause you're running out of time.
The army?
- The army?
- Yeah, the army.
- What's the big deal, chickie?
- But the script I read, there's nothing here about an army.
- These things take time.
- Okay, Miguel, you want it straight?
I'll give it straight.
I am real, real disappointed
with this film commission.
I've read the ads you run in the Hollywood trade
papers. "Come down here and film in splendour."
All that "bueno, mi compadres" junk. Since I got here,
nothing but complaints and arguments. So I guess that's it.
No $16 million bonanza for this country.
We are out of here.
We're gonna escape.
Gimme your hat.
- Are those scissors?
- Yes.
- You got any fingernail glue?
- Yeah.
Here.
- Sorry.
- What are you doing?
I need this.
- Hold this.
- Comin' out of the closet, Hannibal?
Funny.
Come on.
- He can't walk.
- Let's carry him.
Get the others out, B.A.
Get down. Get down!
Come on, mama. Come on, mama.
Come on, Colonel!
Get them! Don't let
them get away!
- They're closing!
- They got us.
- You never know.
- I do. We're almost out of gas.
Why did you pick a
truck with no gas?
- Because I liked the paint job.
- I'll feed 'em some more grenades.
We got help. See that
chopper on your left?
That's Face and Howling Mad.
Now follow 'em!
Hang in there, baby.
Great. The cavalry arrived.
Where are the rest of the guys?
Sorry. I couldn't get the army. I managed
to wrangle this camera ship and these guns.
- No extra ammo?
- No.
Wonderful. We've got the whole
guerrilla band chompin' on our tails.
- Okay. It's the four of us.
- Not exactly. Voilà!
I stopped back at San Rio Blanco.
They insisted on coming to help us.
Murdock, grab a fender. Face, take the
right. B.A., get behind the truck.
Hold it, Murdock.
We got some guests leaving.
Let's go.
Get moving!
Move it! Move it! Move it! That's right.
Through the water.
Amy, thank you.
You better have a hell of
an apology ready, pal.
- What do I do to thank you?
- How can we all thank you?
Anybody got a cold beer?
I ain't goin' on no airplane.
What's this?
- Living on the jazz. Four restless romantics...
- "Restless romantics"?
The edge of society, which is the only
place left where they can survive.
What's this? The last
reel of a Disney movie?
I wasn't gonna tell you guys, but
I decided to do a story on you.
- I ain't goin' on no airplane.
- Forget it, lady. It ain't gonna happen.
I know. I know. What you guys are doing
is really important. You saved Al.
And you caught the terrorists.
Everybody's against you.
The government is after you. You gotta
hide. I think that's one hell of a story.
I said I ain't gettin' on
no airplane, Hannibal.
- I won't publish it until you've cleared yourselves.
- You won't publish it, period.
You think we're lookin' to be "Book of the
Month" celebrities? You gotta be nuts.
I'm nuts. Let's keep that straight.
Okay?
- I got my whole room-and-board thing
resting on that fact. - He's right.
B.A. was telling me
about the jazz...
and I think I caught the fever.
- So?
- So, you let me in...
or I write the book
and blow your cover.
I said I ain't gettin' on
no airplane, Hannibal.
Come on, you guys. I can help you
with lots of stuff. I have the paper.
I have influence. I have the computer
at the paper for research stuff.
And I have the first
amendment to hide behind.
- We'll talk about it on the airplane.
- I ain't goin' on no airplane.
- Ah, come on, B.A. Be a sport!
- Got you!
Told you you wouldn't get me
this time, sucker! No, sirree.
Now, B.A., you know I
wouldn't try to fool you.
Don't put no dog pound
shuffle on me, Hannibal!
Get him off the horn, Face.
You drive.
Then I traced these people to L.
A...
where I found that they'd scammed
this aircraft off a jet saleslady.
We can't release this plane. It's
being held until we find the pilot.
Ah, Mr. Sanchez, thank you
for the use of the car.
Ah, Lynch. Excuse us, but we have to take this
plane. We're going back to the U.S. of A.
No, no. Excuse me. You're
under arrest, Colonel.
- All of you are under arrest.
- Only thing is...
we've got to put you in
the trunk of that car.
Colonel!
- Nice.
- I enjoyed it.
We are getting out of México!
Hey, Lynch! Lose a
little weight, will ya?
Sadly, our pilot died.
We're taking him back to Washington
for full military burial.
Hang in there. You guys
run a hell of an airport.
- I love this jazz.
- What's your full name, kid?
- Amy Amanda Allen.
- Triple "A," huh?
Sounds like somebody who belongs
on a unit called the A-Team.