That Girl (1966–1971): Season 5, Episode 2 - Don and Sandi and Harry and Snoopy - full transcript

Hi. I thought I'd surprise you.

What surprise? We
had a lunch date at 12.

And I'm on time. Surprise.

Ann, you're a girl.

Oh, Donald, you
are so observant.

No wonder you're
an ace reporter.

I need a feminine
viewpoint on a situation.

What's the situation?

The Middle East? Campus unrest?

No, this is serious.

My sister is coming to
New York this weekend.



Oh, Donald, that's great.
Is she bringing the children?

A widow does not bring children to
New York when she's meeting a guy.

Oh, Donald, that's great.

Oh, I'm so happy for Sandi.

Are they serious?

She's coming 1,500
miles, isn't she?

Frankly, I'm worried.

About what?

About Sandi being hurt.

I mean, the whole thing
happened so suddenly.

And the guy...

I mean, if he was something
like a doctor or a lawyer

or something normal
like that, I'd feel better.

Well, what is he?



He's an actor.

Well, what's wrong
with an actor?

All right, honey,
now don't get upset.

I mean, it's one thing for
a talented, pretty girl to act.

But a guy? With makeup?

Oh, Donald, for heaven's sake!

Yeah, well, I noticed with
all your love of the theater,

you haven't picked an
actor to hang around with.

Oh, no, no, I picked
a bigoted reporter.

Well, a bigoted reporter
would be better for this girl.

Well, maybe not for that girl.

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She spins a lot of dreams ♪

♪ She's everything that
every girl should be ♪

♪ Sable, popcorn, white wine ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!

Right this way.

Here you are.

Sir.

And a menu.

Ann, I'm sorry, really,
but she's my only sister.

There must be something you've
heard about this Harry Fieldstone.

Donald, I told you, the
only thing I know about him

is that he was
an alternate juror

in a production of Twelve
Angry Men a couple of years ago.

That's all I know.

Oh, swell.

Not only is he an actor, he
hasn't had a job in two years.

Donald, just because an actor
isn't a big star that you hear about

doesn't mean he isn't working.

I work all the time, and
nobody's ever heard of me.

- Excuse me, sir.
- Ann!

Have you ever head of an
actress named Ann Marie?

Ann Marie?

Uh... no. Can't say as I have.

Thank you. You see, Donald?

All right. All right. But
then again, remember,

you don't have to earn
enough to support a family.

Wait a minute. Ann Marie.

Isn't she the one that
rides a motorcycle?

You know, that sexy one, right?

- No.
- No.

No, she doesn't
ride the motorcycle,

but she is sexy.

Oh, right, right.

Donald, I can understand
your concern for your sister,

but it really isn't fair
to prejudge a man

without giving him
a fair and honest trial

to which everyone is entitled.

That's one of Harry Fieldstone's
lines in Twelve Angry Men.

As a matter of
fact, it's his only line.

- Ann.
- I'm sorry.

All right, look,
you maybe right.

Besides, Sandi certainly is
capable of taking care of herself.

Hey, wait, I've got it!

Isn't she married to the guy who
plays the doctor in that college show

about the cop who
was a lawyer, huh?

Wrong.

The dumb dame's
gonna ruin my lunch now.

I have your table ready, Don.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I mean, it's not as though
she's a starving widow.

He husband made sure
she'd never have to worry.

As a matter of fact,
back in St. Louis,

you might even consider
Sandi a... A what?

Wealthy woman.

You might consider and
Harry Fieldstone might consider.

Oh, Donald, for heaven sakes!

All of a sudden, you've got this
poor guy being a fortune hunter.

Honey, an out-of-work
actor, a rich widow?

Donald, shame on you!

Ann, she's my sister.

If I only had some proof
that this Harry Fieldstone

was a nice, normal, warmhearted
guy, I'd rest a lot easier.

Ann, honey, look...

Can you help me
to check him out?

Donald, are you asking
me to spy on a fellow actor?

To... to snoop?

Well... yes.

I love it.

That's it!

Mutiny on the Bounty,

the Tahitian girl
with the kid, huh?

The explosions and...
Sir, I'm Ann Marie.

I knew it!

How did they do that, with the
volcano and the lava coming down

and the steam and the
outriggers and the natives?

How'd they do that, huh?

Well, I was just wondering if he's
done any TV work that you know of.

Uh-huh.

And what about movies?

Hmm.

And summer stock?

Uh-huh. Oh, I see.

No, no, no.

No, the Harry Fieldstone I
knew didn't do any of those things.

[knock on door]

Oh, I really have to run.

Thanks a lot. Bye.

- Donald?
- Yeah.

Come in. I want you to
know I just lied for you.

I'm deeply touched...
if you got results.

I happen to know how
and where they met.

How'd you find that out?

Well, this guy I used to
go to acting school with

has got a girlfriend
who's a dancer,

and her ballet coach shares
a studio with a choreographer

who's also a very good
friend of the producer

of the road company
of Hello, Dolly!

And he's also very friendly with
this guy he shares bookings with

who's a director from the
Shakespearean touring company,

and this touring company last
year for two weeks was in St Louis,

and they were doing Hamlet.

And guess who played
Guildenstern in this Hamlet.

Harry Fieldstone.

- That's amazing.
- Nothing to it.

I'd say you have a real
vocation for snooping.

Snooping is for amateurs.

We professionals
call it spadework.

Oh. She must have met
him while he was in St. Louis.

She does like the theater.

Oh, and that's
another thing, Donald.

See? He also played
Brutus in Julius Caesar,

which only goes to prove
that this is not a bit actor.

He's a very big star when
it comes to road companies.

I mean, true, he's never
done anything big in New York,

but Harry Fieldstone in St.
Louis, I'll bet, is Richard Burton.

Yeah, I might have figured
he'd use an assumed name.

Donald, will you please give up?

As we say in the
investigation business,

this guy is clean.

Now, give me a ba-dum ba-dum.

A ba-dum-dub da-dum?

You know... ♪ Ba-dum ba-dum ♪

[imitates jazz beat]

♪ Ba-dum ba-dum ♪

[imitates jazz beat]

♪ Ba-dum ba-dum ♪

The Harry Fieldstone file.

Ba-dum ba-dum.

First of all, smarty,

out of 52 weeks last
year, he worked 49,

which gave him a shorter
vacation than you got.

Oh, by the way, here's
what he looks like.

Now... Oh, yes, he also supports
his mother and his maiden aunt.

He has a Master's
degree in English.

On Saturdays, he works
with underprivileged children,

and on Sunday, he
reads to the blind.

Honey, how do
you know all of this?

Well, I've got this friend

who works part-time as a
waitress at Traffs, and she knows...

I'll just accept it all as fact.

Aren't you interested
in my modus operandi?

I long ago stopped trying
to figure out your mind.

Are you sure about all of this?

Donald, when I snoop,
I don't mess around.

I guess the guy's
all right after all.

There is absolutely
nothing to worry about.

All we even have to think about

is picking Sandi up on time,

and the rest is up to Harry.

Yeah, and we better
get to the airport now.

[telephone rings]

Oh, I'll get it. I'll
make this quick.

[ring]

Hello.

Yes, this is Miss Marie.

Oh. Oh, uh, just
a minute, please.

Donald, is there anything else you
wanna know about Harry Fieldstone?

I'm convinced, honey.
You can call off your spies.

This is no spy. This
is Harry Fieldstone.

Uh, hello?

Oh!

Oh... oh... oh, yes.

Well, uh...

Well, I... I don't
know. I'd, uh...

Could you just hold on a minute?

Thank you.

Donald, he says he's heard I've
been asking about him all over town.

He wants to know if I wanna have
lunch with him and find our firsthand.

- You better do it.
- Donald!

Uh, just one more
second, please. Thank you.

Donald, if I see
him, it'll be all over.

When he gets here to see Sandi,

he'll find out who I
am and who you are

and who we are to her.

And then he's gonna find out
why we were asking questions.

That's why you gotta do it.

We gotta cover ourselves and
say it was just a coincidence.

Donald!

Hi. Uh... uh...

Could you just hold on
another second? Thank you.

Donald...

Honey, I'm gonna
be late. I gotta go.

I'll go to the airport
and get Sandi.

You have lunch with
him, and we'll tell Sandi

you just bumped
into Harry, okay?

Bye-bye.

[door opens and closes]

Hello.

Harry Fieldstone.

Well, the name does ring a bell.

Well, is this my lucky day!

You have to be Ann Marie.

Do you have to be Harry?

For you, I'd be anyone.

Oh, that's very sweet.

When a good-looking girl
like you is looking for me,

I gotta be doing
something right.

Well, not necessarily.

Now that you've found me,

I'm gonna make sure
that you don't lose me.

Well... Hey, I see
that you're engaged.

Yes! Yes!

Well, I'm glad that doesn't
mean anything to you, either.

I'm sure you won't be offended
by my saying how beautiful you are.

Offended? Oh, no,
certainly not offended.

I... I just find it, you know,
rather hard to believe

that you even feel that,

because I... I really
am a very, you know,

kind of unworldly
and sort of young

and kind of immature person.

See?

I don't understand.

Well, it's just that...

Well, what do I know about life?

I... I really haven't lived.

I mean, I... I haven't even
had any children, you know?

I mean, to me, I'm
not really a woman

even worth knowing myself.

Strange, but, uh...

very intriguing I might add.

Intriguing. Interesting.

Interesting that you'd be
using that word to describe me.

Most people call me dull.

My mother just says "boring."

My father, he... he
thinks I'm obnoxious.

Ann, why are you
saying all these things?

I, uh... Well, because I, uh...

I wanna be honest. That's it.

You see, I really want
to be honest with you.

That's what people
who really know me say.

They say, "Oh, that Ann.

"That... that boring, dull,
obnoxious, honest Ann."

That's what they say... I
mean, to just quote them

I don't think any
of those things.

I think you're just
nervous, sweetheart.

And you might, being
in this crowded room.

Let's go to my apartment
where we can relax, huh?

What an apartment!

Oh, Ann has
wonderful taste, Don.

Yeah, she's great.

Shouldn't she be back from
her appointment by now?

Uh, she's the late,
great Ann Marie.

Listen, you want
something to eat?

Not that I know
where anything is.

Donald. Donald,
I'm sorry I'm late.

- Oh. Sandi - Ann.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Doesn't she look terrific?
- Yeah.

Nothing like a little romance
to put a glow on a girl's cheeks.

Now listen, Donny, I'm not
gonna react to your teasing.

At least one of us has grown up.

Listen, on second thought,
you look a little tired.

Come on. Why
don't you like down?

Come on in here and lie down.

Come on, honey. You
just said she looks great.

Well, maybe she
doesn't feel so great.

She feels fine. Please
don't fuss over me.

Well... I just thought
maybe, you know,

you'd wanna make
yourself at home.

Lie down, take a bath, unpack.

That's it! Unpack!

Come on. Come on. Let's unpack.

Come on, Sandi.

Really, Ann, all I
wanna do is sit down

and talk and relax a little bit.

I'm sort of on a
whirlwind trip, you know.

Oh, that's good.
That's very good.

That way you can't
get into any trouble.

[laughs nervously]
I was just kidding.

I'm trying to talk Sandi into
staying a couple extra days.

Don't do that!

You make me sound like
a lady of real responsibility.

Though I do flatter myself to think my
children miss me if I stay away too long.

That's it! Why
don't you call them?

The phone is right
here in the bedroom.

Come on and call them.
We'll close the door,

and we... I mean, you...
Could have some privacy.

That's okay. I'll do it later.

I thought the four of
could have dinner tonight.

The... the four of us?

You mean, you and me
and Sandi and Harry?

Oh, I'd love for
you to meet Harry!

Sandi, you wanna
hear a real coincidence?

Donald, I'm sure Sandi
isn't the least bit interested

in your story about
the yellow umbrellas.

What yellow umbrellas?

The coincidence.

I thought we were
talking about Harry.

We were. Harry.

Harry and Sandi certainly don't want
you and me, especially me, around

this weekend to
interfere with everything.

It's not interfering.

Ann, honey, it's all right.

A lot you know.

It's not all right?

Donny, I told you it
was too much trouble

for Ann to put together a
dinner party at the last minute.

Harry's coming here?

Yes. I thought you were
gonna take care of everything.

Well... well, yeah,
of course I am.

I just have a few little
details that I have to iron out.

Am I keeping you from something?

Oh, no, not at all.

Donald and I can take care
of everything later... I hope.

Let me help.
Where's the kitchen?

- It's in there.
- Oh, good.

Oh, no, no, no! You stay here.

Donald and I will
go in the kitchen.

Well, I can't just let
you do everything.

I'm not gonna do everything

Well, I am gonna make some
ice tea, and Donald can help.

Oh, good. Oh, fine.

Oh, I'll, uh... I'll put on some
music while I fix the coffee.

I thought it was ice tea.

Oh, good idea. I'll make both.

Uh, excuse me, Sandi.

♪♪ [music playing
on record player]

Ann, have you gone
out of your mind?

Donald, how could you have invited
Harry Fieldstone over here for dinner?

Because my
sister's staying here.

He's her boyfriend, and
you had lunch with him today.

It's one big happy family.

- Except for one little thing.
- What?

He has no idea we're
related... you're related...

Sandi, you, and I are related.

You were gonna explain
that at lunch today.

Well, I didn't really have
much of an opportunity.

What else could you
have to talk about?

Oh, nothing much. Just breaking
off my engagement with you.

What?

Did Harry Fieldstone
make a pass at you?

Donald, he made so
many passes at me,

I thought I was having
lunch with Johnny Unitas.

What did you do?

Well, mostly I broke
a lot of breadsticks.

Donald, do you know that he
actually asked me up to his apartment?

- And what happened there?
- Donald!

Oh, yeah. Right, right, right.

Honey, I don't understand it.

What could my sister
possibly see in a guy like that?

Donald, I never believed
love could be blind.

But this is really a
rotten human being.

- He's a...
- Can I help?

Donald, will you hand
me the spatula, please?

Oh, no, thank you. I'll tell
you what. You just sit down.

I don't allow other
women in my kitchen.

You just relax.

Donald, this is
really a lousy person.

You just don't know.

Sandi, must be crazy.

The guy is obviously
after her money.

- Where are you going?
- To tell Sandi.

You are not, Donald!

Honey, there's been enough
deceit already, including my own.

Donald, you cannot walk
in there and tell your sister

that your future brother-in-law

just made a pass at
her future sister-in-law.

- Why not?
- Because she'd never
forgive me

But you didn't do anything.

Oh, Donald!

If you made a
pass at another girl,

I'd convince myself that it was
only because she encouraged you.

Women aren't loyal that way.

No wonder men are confused.

And besides, even if she
didn't think it was all my fault,

she'd never forgive you.

We got the goods on
Harry behind her back.

That's like... That's
like wiretapping.

Look at you. You're
a real master spy.

You know all the spy
laws and everything.

Donald, we've got
to do something.

We've got to show
Sandi that her boyfriend

is a no good, two-timing rat...

in a nice way.

Oh, Donald.

How did I ever let you
get me into this mess.

I don't know, honey. I
really miss the good old days.

What good old days?

When you got me into messes.

[laughs]

You know... you know
what's really ideal?

Boy, girl, boy...

and I'll eat in the kitchen.

[Sandi laughs]

Well, since there's
only four of us,

I think everybody sits
next to everybody else.

Yeah, there doesn't really
seem to be any way to avoid that.

Well... Well, what the heck.

You know, Harry will be
in between the two of us,

and that way, we'll kind
of balance out everything.

I went ahead and opened
both bottles of wine.

Nothing's too good for Harry.

You both have
been so sweet to me.

At least let me
pay for the wine.

No. I don't want you
forking out another penny.

Donald.

So far, you haven't let
fork out one thin dime.

You've done everything.

Well, you're our guest.

Well, Harry really
wanted to take you out.

He told you that?

Ann, she meant
take you and me out.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Well,
sure. Well, sure, that.

- What time is he coming?
- 7:30.

Don't you think you
better get dressed?

- I'm dressed.
- Oh.

If you want to be alone with
Ann, Donny, I'll go double-check.

Donald... Donald...

Honey, now please,
don't get so excited.

He's the one we want with
the foot in his mouth, not you.

Right, right.

When he comes in, I'm
just gonna stand here

and not say a word
when he attacks me.

I don't think he's
gonna be that blatant.

For Harry Fieldstone,
blatant is a compliment.

[knock on door]

It's him. Don't laugh.

Why would I laugh?

[Harry] Hi. I'm
Harry Fieldstone.

You must be Sandi's brother Don.

[Donald] Yes. Yes, I am.

Don Hollinger.

- I'm pleased to know you.
- Pleased to know you, too.

And I'm Ann Marie.

Of course.

May I call you Ann?

Incidentally, it's very nice
of you to have me over.

This is for dinner.
I hope it's all right.

I don't really know
very much about wine.

If it's not any good,
don't be afraid to say so.

I... I've heard a
great deal abut you.

It's finally nice to meet you.

Where's Sandi? I brought some
flowers. She's crazy about roses.

- I'll... I'll get her.
- No, no, no!

You go put these in
water, in the kitchen,

and I'll go get Sandi,
and then I'll join you

in the kitchen.

- Uh, excuse me,
please, Harry.
- Sure.

Hey, Ann.

Oh, you're marvelous.

You're really playing it cool.

Try to think of a way to
dump Don on his sister.

You think nobody heard that.

Well, just don't
forget one little thing.

You and I were in the room.

Uh, Sandi will be right out.

- I hope so.
- Yeah.

Uh, she'll be right out.

Uh... ahem... Well, excuse me.

I'm... I'll be, uh...
Uh... Excuse me.

Sure.

Honey, who did you
have lunch with today?

That man in there.

That man in there not only doesn't have
two heads, he doesn't even know you.

Are you insinuating that I
made this whole thing up?

Well, let's just say I think you
have a tendency to exaggerate.

So he's changed his clothes, and
he's pretending he doesn't know me.

But that man in there pinched
me in Ninos not four hours ago.

- Hi, Harry.
- Hello, Sandi.

It's good to see you again.

Oh.

Oh, I guess you've
met Ann already.

Yes, he certainly has.

We introduced
ourselves when I came in.

Don, too.

I don't know if I
mentioned this, Harry,

but Ann's an actress, too.

Really? Funny we
haven't met before.

Funny. [forced laugh]

I think I'll get
the hor d'ourves.

Let me help you.

- Ann's lovely, Don.
- Huh?

Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, she is.

- And awfully bright...
- Usually, yes.

- For an actress...
- For an actress, yes.

Who's a spy.

Who's a what? Spy?

Why spy? Oh, spy. Spy?

I'm correct, of
course, in assuming

that Sandi had nothing to
do with your investigation.

In-in-investi...
What investigation?

Ann a spy?

Nor has Ann told her about
our lunch this afternoon?

No.

No... no... no... no, she hasn't

When did you find out about it?

Sandi wrote saying that Ann
was an actress in New York.

When I found out she
was asking about me,

I put two and two
together and, uh...

figured out she was
checking up on me... for you.

Ah.

Do all actors and
actresses make good spies?

[chuckles] Probably.

Yeah, so you just decided to
put Ann on at lunch and tonight.

Well, you both had
it coming, didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess we did.

Well, I did at any rate.

I mean, Ann never did like the
idea of snooping on a fellow actor.

Good for her.

You've been very lucky
with the women in your life.

They're both wonderful.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you

I think it would be best if we
never mentioned this to Sandi,

Yeah, I think so.

There'd be
nothing to gain by it.

[chuckles]

- Here.
- Ann.

I mean, here, would you
care for an hor d'ourves, Harry?

Thank you.

Ann...

You do remember me!
See? He remembers me!

Of course he remembers you.

Yes, of course he does.

- Honey, come here.
- Just a second, Donald.

Why don't you try one
of these little ones, Harry?

Mmm. Yes, it's very good.

[whispering] Just
because you can fool Sandi

doesn't mean you can fool
all of the people all of the time.

Think it over.

Oh, Donald, I just can't
stand him one minute longer.

He is really so rotten.

Come on, I'm gonna
take out the turkey.

And I have
something to tell you.

[Ann] He knows what?

[crash]

I should like to make the
following announcement.

In this evening's production
of "Dinner At Ann's,"

the turkey will be
played by tuna fish.

And if it's as good an
actor as Harry Fieldstone,

it should be
thoroughly convincing.

They're really beautiful.

She sent them
from St. Louis, huh?

Uh-huh. With a very
sweet note thanking me

for being such a nice hostess.

I really like your
sister, Donald.

Well, who wouldn't
like my sister?

It so happens anyone
connected with me

becomes warm and wonderful.

Look at you even.

Oh, even, huh?

Certainly. Look what
I've done for you.

You were nothing when I
found you scrimping and saving

and scavenging around for a job

and taking any old bit
part that came along.

Totally unknown.

And that was four years ago.

[laughs] And you know what?

You're right. I better start
to do something pretty quick.

Yeah. The only thing
different about me

is I've improved a
little bit on scrimping.

I'm still totally unknown.

I'm still saving and scavenging.

I'm just scrimping a
little better, that's all.

And spying. You've come
a long way on spying.

My spying days are over.

- Oh, is that right?
- That's right.

I just get into too
much trouble from that.

Just no more spying for me.

No more snooping.
No more busy-body.

That's over. That's it.

Oh, good, good.
I'm glad to hear that.

Shirley will be, too.

Shirley? Who's Shirley?

Shirley? Oh, she's just a...

You better... Who? Who is she?

You better tell
me who Shirley is.

Honey, she's not...
Shirley's not important.

Donald, who is she?

Well, if you don't tell me,
I can certainly find out.

You probably know
her from the office.

I'll just call Jerry,
and Jerry will tell me.

And if Jerry won't
tell me, Ruthie will.

Because Jerry tells
everything to Ruthie.

And if Ruthie doesn't
know, I'll call the cafeteria.

I know another person up
there who kind of gives me

a lot of very
good information...

- ♪ Ba-dum ba-dum ♪
- [imitates jazz beat]

- ♪ Ba-dum ba-dum ♪
- [imitates jazz beat]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!