That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 7 - The Face in the Shower Room Door - full transcript
Ann's apartment building landlady, Mrs. Brentano, has left Ann as the alternate to show the apartment for rent if she isn't around. That's why a handsome and suave stranger named Federico Gente, a famed Italian restaurateur, comes knocking on Ann's door. Ann would be happy to show him the apartment, but she's currently in the shower and her shower door is stuck, leaving her trapped inside her shower stall. Since Mrs. Brentano isn't around, Ann asks Federico for assistance in helping her get out, which he does. After Ann shows him the apartment, Federico decides to take it, seemingly in part because of his attraction to Ann. Federico knows about Don in Ann's life, which doesn't seem to matter. So when Federico caters a romantic meal for Ann and Donald after Ann burns what she was cooking, they have different reactions to Federico's gesture. Is Donald's assertion that Federico is coming on to Ann despite Donald being in the picture correct, or is Federico just being a kind neighbor?
[door buzzer] [water running]
[Ann] Is that the door?
No, it is a person
outside the door.
What kind of a person?
A person who would rather
not shout through the door.
Oh, sorry. I'm in the shower.
I'm sorry, too.
[speaking Italian]
Well, what can I do for you?
I'm inquiring about
the apartment.
What apartment?
Presumably, the
one which is for rent.
Oh, oh.
You want Mrs. Brentano.
Well, not having seen her, I
can only take your word for that.
However, the note on
her door refers me to you.
Oh, gosh, that's right.
Yes, that's right. I forgot.
It says, "Miss Marie has key.
Will show apt."
That's right. That's right.
I got key. I'll show apt.
Um, could you come
back a little later?
I'm sorry but my
time is limited.
Oh, boy.
Okay, okay. Just
hang on a minute.
I'll be right out.
[lock rattling]
Be right out.
I'll be right out.
Be. Right. Out!
First thing in the
morning on a busy day,
wouldn't you just know
who'd get locked in a shower?
♪♪ [theme]
Are you still there?
Yes, I'm still here.
Listen, could you
please call my landlady?
I'd be happy to,
but the note on the
door referring me to you
indicates there is
no landlady to call.
Oh, that's right!
You want me to
break down the door?
No, no. Please, don't do that.
Oh, thank you.
Do you have any suggestion?
Well... go down to
the end of the hall.
There's a window
that leads to a fire
escape, and it goes
up to the roof and down
the other side of the building
around to my bathroom.
No, no, no. My bedroom first.
Okay, okay.
When you get to the bedroom,
go to the far side of the room.
There's a cabinet
on top of which is
lying a large bath towel
carefully laid out,
which I carefully forgot
to bring into the bathroom.
Then when you've got the towel,
go over to the bathroom door,
and then knock three times.
Well, you only have to
knock once. I'll know who it is.
This is so embarrassing.
I really can't tell you how
much I appreciate your helping.
And how much I appreciate
your being such a gentleman.
You have the sound of a
woman with a marvelous figure.
How can you tell that?
You looked!
I didn't.
It's just that you have
no fat in your voice.
How can you tell fat in a voice?
Same way you can tell age.
I know that you are a
wonderfully structured woman,
very young, with
lovely dark eyes.
You looked! You looked!
Man does not live
by bread alone.
Well, that's so much
for the bedroom.
Very nice.
I like yours better,
but this is very nice.
Well, once you
get it all fixed up...
And the walls take
paint very nicely.
Which is only right. After all,
how much do we ask of walls?
[laughing]
The, uh... The
bathroom is over there.
No bathroom could be quite
the same without you in it.
And the dining area
would be right here.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, there's a little
water in my ear.
Best way I know
to shake it loose.
I'll remember that.
La cucina.
I like it.
I'll take the apartment.
Oh! Oh, good.
[giggles]
Well...
Would you be so kind
to inform Mrs. Brentano
for me, please?
Oh, sure, Mr... [laughs]
I don't even know your name.
Oh, I'm sorry. Federico Gente.
Oh.
Are you related to the Federico
Gente restaurant on East 63rd?
Only by ownership.
Ooh.
That's supposed to be quite
a marvelous place, Mr. Gente.
Well, I think after our recent
intimacies, you could call me Federico.
And I think, in spite of
our recent intimacies,
you may call me Ann.
Excellent.
Terrific.
Uh, well... I just want
to thank you again.
Oh, no, no, no. It is I who should
thank you for this rare opportunity.
After all, rescuing damsels in distress
has become almost an obsolete profession.
Water in your ear?
Yes, isn't that the
darndest thing?
It's not your most
endearing quality.
[chuckles]
[door buzzer]
It's open!
I'm in the kitchen.
Donald, is that you?
It is I, Federico. Buona sera.
Oh, hi.
How's it going?
It's not only going, it's gone.
I moved.
You're kidding. Already?
Not only that, I already
have my telephone,
and I thought someone
should have my phone number.
Well, isn't Mrs. Brentano
the one you should give it to?
Perhaps, but I feel somehow that
I would turn to you
in any hour of need.
Oh, sure, if there's
ever anything I can do.
I mean, if Mrs.
Brentano isn't home.
There is something.
Mrs. Brentano is home.
Oh, she's a lovely lady.
However, she is lacking
a certain suggestibility.
I was hoping you
would join me for dinner.
Thank you. That's very nice,
but actually, I've already
started cooking dinner
for Donald and myself.
Your lover?
My boyfriend.
Is it not the same?
Not necessarily.
Oh, but of course.
You live alone,
is that not correct?
Well, let me put it this way.
Is that not none
of your business?
I dare say when
I open that closet,
there'll be no men's
clothing in there.
I dare say you will
not open my closets.
There isn't so much
as a pipe around.
No leather, no
wood, no... no man.
Well, two persons don't
necessarily have to live together
in the same place at the
same time to be serious.
Serious about what?
Serious about love.
Oh, yes. Love.
Well, where I come from...
Well, I don't come from
where you come from.
It's just possible that we think
differently on the Eastern Seaboard
of the United States of America.
Oh, come now. The ways of a
man and woman are universal.
Oh, really?
Well, have you
read Margaret Mead?
It just so happens that the
Trobianders of the Southwest Pacific...
My dear child, are
you a Trobiander?
No.
Have there ever been any
Trobianders in your family?
No.
Then let us make an end
to this talk of Trobianders.
Fine, we'll make
an end to this talk.
Although I'm curious to know
what do they exactly do?
Well, they don't live
together, I'll tell you that.
Well, they... they
do live together,
but not casually.
Of course not.
Never casual.
No.
Mr. Gente.
Yes?
I'm burning.
Excellent.
I don't mean me, per se.
I meant my roast.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, I could kill myself.
A very sick roast.
Well, let's get to work.
Donald is going to
be so disappointed.
Donald is going to be so
disappointed about what?
Oh, hi, Donald. Hi, Donald.
What's up?
Get a large pot,
boil water, and hurry.
Why? To save the roast!
Here, put water
in there, and hurry.
Who's...
Oh, that's Federico
Gente, my new neighbor.
Neighbor only to Ann.
I mean, you don't
live in the building.
Nevertheless, how do you do?
Get that water boiling, please.
What are you going
to do, Federico?
See that you have
a meal worth eating.
Vegetable oil, low
flame, small pan.
Right.
Vegetable oil in a small pan.
What's he doing?
He's trying to fix up
the roast I burned.
You burned it.
Why is he fixing it?
What are you talking about?
What is he, a professional
burnt-roast fixer-upper?
What is he? Oh, Donald, please.
Celery stalks.
Celery stalks.
How's the water doing?
Well, it's a big pot. It's
gonna take a long time.
Okay, here's the vegetable oil,
the small pan and
the celery stalks.
Thank you. Bread crumbs, please.
Lemon peel, sliced length
wise, and one anchovy.
Oh, anchovies? I don't have any.
Would you settle for a sardine?
If we must. And
two eggs. Quickly!
Two eggs.
What about the water?
Couple of bubbles on the side.
Uh-huh.
Okay, here we are.
How did you meet him?
Well, you know how you do.
I know how I do.
Any Trobianders in your family?
I beg your pardon?
Donald, you don't
have to answer that.
It's none of his business.
I'll go along with that.
Good. Instinctive hostility.
Trust it.
What's a Trobiander?
Well, it's a person who
doesn't live casually
with another person.
Oh.
Excuse me, Donald.
Oil. Celery stalks.
Celery stalks.
Bread crumbs. Bread crumbs.
Sardines.
Sardines.
Now, then, leave it in the oven
at 350 and don't even peek.
You understand
about not peeking.
For at least one hour.
Bon appétit.
Wait a minute, what do I
do when the water's boiled?
Oh, make yourself a nice
cup of tea while you're waiting.
Arrivederci.
Uh, well, Donald,
open up the oven door
and we'll put it right inside.
There. Now, close the door.
That ought to be real yummy.
Why shouldn't he
be interested in you,
and why shouldn't you
be interested in him?
I mean, it's perfectly natural for
girls to be attracted to older men.
The graying temples,
the bulging stomachs.
What bulging stomach?
That slow, distinguished walk.
I didn't notice any slow...
There's nothing wrong with it.
So he reminds you of your father.
My father? That's all right.
It's not dirty.
I mean, they're both in
the restaurant business.
They're both old.
Oh, brother.
What's this? My cleaning.
Well, what's it doing
here? It'll get all wrinkled.
That's the only
place I won't forget it.
[knocking at door]
Buona sera. Complements
of Signore Gente.
Oh, my Gosh.
Donald, look!
I'll bet he ruined
my roast on purpose.
I'll bet.
And made us cook that mess for an
hour so he could get this over here.
Wonderful.
May we enter?
Oh, yes. No, no.
Just make a u-turn and take
that portable smorgasbord
back to Gente's.
But that would be
foolish. That's all right,
it won't be the first
foolish thing I've ever done.
Donald!
Signore, to take it
back is pointless.
For you.
For me, it's pointed.
You do not understand.
It couldn't stand another
trip across 3rd Avenue.
If you do not wish it, you
might as well throw it away.
Then throw it away.
You may enter.
Donald... [speaking Italian]
Oh, Donald. I'm
beginning to get hacked.
Hacked? This is hacking me.
What's that? Hacked!
Hack, hacked, hacking. The
present subjunctive of homicidal.
Oh, Donald. Our roast is
ruined. We have no dinner.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Well, over there
is a groovy dinner.
[Donald] Yeah.
[speaking Italian]
Right, right. I suppose so.
To be served by the
prince's faithful servants,
who will be promptly beheaded
if they spill one drop of gravy.
Ann. Donald, please.
All right.
All right, on one
condition. What?
I refuse to be grateful.
Signorina enjoy the
anguila strapazzate?
Absolutamente.
Uh, the signore enjoy
the anguila strapazzate?
Yeah.
What is anguila strapazzate?
[chuckles] Scrambled eel.
Ask a silly question.
Boy, this Gente really
lays it on, and you love it.
Well, it is kind of flattering.
You're the first girl I've ever
met that was flattered by an eel.
That's not exactly what I meant.
I know what you meant.
Exactly.
Donald!
Donald, may I please
see you in the kitchen?
Donald, there is such a
thing as being gracious.
There is also such a thing
as coming on too strong.
What else do you
think this dinner is?
An expression of
hemispheric solidarity.
Did Signorina enjoy
the piccata de vittello?
Oh, very much.
And the salsiccia con pomodoro
allagante were to your liking?
Mmm, delightful.
The asparagi vinaigrette?
Was not totally reprehensible.
Donald, may I see
you in the kitchen?
[all speaking Italian]
You not only buy Federico's routine,
you're impressed with his waiters.
The latter remark
I will simply ignore.
The former, since it is made
of whole cloth and pure fiction,
that I will question.
I lost track.
Just what is this routine of Federico's
that I'm supposed to have bought?
Ann, the man is
obviously making his move.
I would hardly call a
catered dinner a move.
Yeah, well, then what's
all this conversation
about people living together
or not living together?
Oh, that's just
continental conversation.
That's not personal
conversation.
Continental conversation
is personal conversation.
Did it ever occur to
you that Federico might
be interested in me
simply as a human being?
[stammering] Then why
does he look at you like...
Like he's seen you
with your clothes off?
I won't even deign to reply.
The frittatina marsala was
to your complete satisfaction?
[clears throat] For a domestic.
Donald, may I see you...
I know, in the kitchen?
Will you be reasonable?
If I can't fight back
against Federico,
will you at least let
me insult his waiters?
Fine. You're allowed.
You can make it up with the tip.
What tip?
Well, you have to
tip them. Tip them?
Well, 15%, I think, would
be fair and appropriate.
Fifteen percent of what? I don't
even know how much the dinner cost.
That's right. I'll call the
restaurant and get their price list.
[whimpers]
Yes, well, um,
how much do you get
for anguila strapazzate?
$7.50 per serving?
No, no. No, no, tha...
That's, uh, very reasonable.
Yes.
[muttering]
More coffee, signore?
Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah,
perhaps a drop.
Oh.
Perhaps a drop.
Oh, that's fine.
Yes. Well, um,
what about the
piccata de vitello?
The... Oh, how much is that?
How much?
Are you aware that you can buy
that much cheaper anywhere in Italy?
More coffee, signore?
Uh, no. No, thanks.
[clears throat] Uh, perhaps
you'd like a cup of coffee?
No, thank you. You've
been very helpful.
Mm-hmm. Bye.
Donald! Donald, may
I see you a minute?
Uh, excuse me.
Pardon me.
What did you find out?
Well, uh...
Donald, when we go out for dinner and
you really wanna take me to a swell place
and you really
wanna put on the dog,
how much does it cost
for, say, a dinner for two?
Oh, uh, 12, 15 bucks.
Yeah, well, that's what this
free meal's gonna cost you in tips.
Okay. Okay, I liked his dinner.
Is that enough of a concession?
You don't have to
make concessions.
Well, actually, it's such a
small one, it hardly counts.
It counts, no matter how small,
and I appreciate it.
And I also want you to know that
I would never begrudge
you your right to begrudge.
Who could ask for anything more?
There is something to be
said for unfounded jealousy.
And what's that? Well,
you get to make up,
when there never was
anything to make up about.
Now, hold it.
I haven't reached the point yet
where I consider
Federico "never anything."
Well, I have.
Isn't that all that
really matters?
I know when I've
been outlogic-ed.
Good night. Good night.
[knocking on door]
Oh, Donald. Oh, Federico.
[Donald] Well, um,
uh, I was just leaving.
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You leave, uh, don't you?
Well, it's, uh... it's
a nice place to visit,
but I wouldn't
want to live here.
Good night, honey.
Oh, Donald, you
don't have to go.
I'll be back.
Nice boy. He's not a boy.
He's a very special man.
Anyway, as long as you're here,
I... I wanna thank you
for the lovely dinner.
Oh...
if Mohammad won't
come to the mountain...
[chuckles]
Oh, my gosh.
Please excuse this
place. It looks like a mess.
I don't usually leave Donald's
clothes just lying about.
I'll just put them
where they belong.
Aha! Then there were
men's clothes in there.
Well, it... it just shows you
you can't judge a
closet by its door.
Well, I suppose, as long as there
is a Donald, there is no hope for me.
Oh, Federico. There's
always hope for you.
Hope, and somewhere,
ample closet space.
[door buzzer] Donald?
Yeah.
Oh, Donald. Donald,
I'm stuck in the shower!
The door won't open!
Well... Well, look, I'll go
around to the fire escape,
and I'll get you out!
Great idea!
Open the door... [muttering]
Who is it?
It is I, Federico!
Oh, hi, Federico. I... I can't
come to the door just now.
The shower again?
The shower again.
[Federico] Wait, I'll go
out on the fire escape.
[Ann] Oh, that's okay.
Donald's in the
bedroom. He'll let me out.
Thank you!
Uh, but how... Uh, honey,
I'll get you out in just a minute.
Good morning. Good morning.
What happened to your clothes?
Oh, it's... it's
the fire escape.
Uh, listen, I'd like to stay
and chat with you for a while,
but I, uh, I have some
pressing business.
Oh, yes, you must get
Ann out of the shower.
Yeah. Well, I'll
tell you what to do.
You go to the kitchen. In one of
the drawers you'll find a tool kit.
In the tool kit, you'll
find a screw driver.
Remove the bottom screw first.
I suppose I ought to tell
Donald about me and Federico
in the shower one of these days.
[door slams] [Donald] Ann?
Who do you think told me how to
get the lock off the shower door?
Why wait? I'll tell him now.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Ann] Is that the door?
No, it is a person
outside the door.
What kind of a person?
A person who would rather
not shout through the door.
Oh, sorry. I'm in the shower.
I'm sorry, too.
[speaking Italian]
Well, what can I do for you?
I'm inquiring about
the apartment.
What apartment?
Presumably, the
one which is for rent.
Oh, oh.
You want Mrs. Brentano.
Well, not having seen her, I
can only take your word for that.
However, the note on
her door refers me to you.
Oh, gosh, that's right.
Yes, that's right. I forgot.
It says, "Miss Marie has key.
Will show apt."
That's right. That's right.
I got key. I'll show apt.
Um, could you come
back a little later?
I'm sorry but my
time is limited.
Oh, boy.
Okay, okay. Just
hang on a minute.
I'll be right out.
[lock rattling]
Be right out.
I'll be right out.
Be. Right. Out!
First thing in the
morning on a busy day,
wouldn't you just know
who'd get locked in a shower?
♪♪ [theme]
Are you still there?
Yes, I'm still here.
Listen, could you
please call my landlady?
I'd be happy to,
but the note on the
door referring me to you
indicates there is
no landlady to call.
Oh, that's right!
You want me to
break down the door?
No, no. Please, don't do that.
Oh, thank you.
Do you have any suggestion?
Well... go down to
the end of the hall.
There's a window
that leads to a fire
escape, and it goes
up to the roof and down
the other side of the building
around to my bathroom.
No, no, no. My bedroom first.
Okay, okay.
When you get to the bedroom,
go to the far side of the room.
There's a cabinet
on top of which is
lying a large bath towel
carefully laid out,
which I carefully forgot
to bring into the bathroom.
Then when you've got the towel,
go over to the bathroom door,
and then knock three times.
Well, you only have to
knock once. I'll know who it is.
This is so embarrassing.
I really can't tell you how
much I appreciate your helping.
And how much I appreciate
your being such a gentleman.
You have the sound of a
woman with a marvelous figure.
How can you tell that?
You looked!
I didn't.
It's just that you have
no fat in your voice.
How can you tell fat in a voice?
Same way you can tell age.
I know that you are a
wonderfully structured woman,
very young, with
lovely dark eyes.
You looked! You looked!
Man does not live
by bread alone.
Well, that's so much
for the bedroom.
Very nice.
I like yours better,
but this is very nice.
Well, once you
get it all fixed up...
And the walls take
paint very nicely.
Which is only right. After all,
how much do we ask of walls?
[laughing]
The, uh... The
bathroom is over there.
No bathroom could be quite
the same without you in it.
And the dining area
would be right here.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, there's a little
water in my ear.
Best way I know
to shake it loose.
I'll remember that.
La cucina.
I like it.
I'll take the apartment.
Oh! Oh, good.
[giggles]
Well...
Would you be so kind
to inform Mrs. Brentano
for me, please?
Oh, sure, Mr... [laughs]
I don't even know your name.
Oh, I'm sorry. Federico Gente.
Oh.
Are you related to the Federico
Gente restaurant on East 63rd?
Only by ownership.
Ooh.
That's supposed to be quite
a marvelous place, Mr. Gente.
Well, I think after our recent
intimacies, you could call me Federico.
And I think, in spite of
our recent intimacies,
you may call me Ann.
Excellent.
Terrific.
Uh, well... I just want
to thank you again.
Oh, no, no, no. It is I who should
thank you for this rare opportunity.
After all, rescuing damsels in distress
has become almost an obsolete profession.
Water in your ear?
Yes, isn't that the
darndest thing?
It's not your most
endearing quality.
[chuckles]
[door buzzer]
It's open!
I'm in the kitchen.
Donald, is that you?
It is I, Federico. Buona sera.
Oh, hi.
How's it going?
It's not only going, it's gone.
I moved.
You're kidding. Already?
Not only that, I already
have my telephone,
and I thought someone
should have my phone number.
Well, isn't Mrs. Brentano
the one you should give it to?
Perhaps, but I feel somehow that
I would turn to you
in any hour of need.
Oh, sure, if there's
ever anything I can do.
I mean, if Mrs.
Brentano isn't home.
There is something.
Mrs. Brentano is home.
Oh, she's a lovely lady.
However, she is lacking
a certain suggestibility.
I was hoping you
would join me for dinner.
Thank you. That's very nice,
but actually, I've already
started cooking dinner
for Donald and myself.
Your lover?
My boyfriend.
Is it not the same?
Not necessarily.
Oh, but of course.
You live alone,
is that not correct?
Well, let me put it this way.
Is that not none
of your business?
I dare say when
I open that closet,
there'll be no men's
clothing in there.
I dare say you will
not open my closets.
There isn't so much
as a pipe around.
No leather, no
wood, no... no man.
Well, two persons don't
necessarily have to live together
in the same place at the
same time to be serious.
Serious about what?
Serious about love.
Oh, yes. Love.
Well, where I come from...
Well, I don't come from
where you come from.
It's just possible that we think
differently on the Eastern Seaboard
of the United States of America.
Oh, come now. The ways of a
man and woman are universal.
Oh, really?
Well, have you
read Margaret Mead?
It just so happens that the
Trobianders of the Southwest Pacific...
My dear child, are
you a Trobiander?
No.
Have there ever been any
Trobianders in your family?
No.
Then let us make an end
to this talk of Trobianders.
Fine, we'll make
an end to this talk.
Although I'm curious to know
what do they exactly do?
Well, they don't live
together, I'll tell you that.
Well, they... they
do live together,
but not casually.
Of course not.
Never casual.
No.
Mr. Gente.
Yes?
I'm burning.
Excellent.
I don't mean me, per se.
I meant my roast.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, I could kill myself.
A very sick roast.
Well, let's get to work.
Donald is going to
be so disappointed.
Donald is going to be so
disappointed about what?
Oh, hi, Donald. Hi, Donald.
What's up?
Get a large pot,
boil water, and hurry.
Why? To save the roast!
Here, put water
in there, and hurry.
Who's...
Oh, that's Federico
Gente, my new neighbor.
Neighbor only to Ann.
I mean, you don't
live in the building.
Nevertheless, how do you do?
Get that water boiling, please.
What are you going
to do, Federico?
See that you have
a meal worth eating.
Vegetable oil, low
flame, small pan.
Right.
Vegetable oil in a small pan.
What's he doing?
He's trying to fix up
the roast I burned.
You burned it.
Why is he fixing it?
What are you talking about?
What is he, a professional
burnt-roast fixer-upper?
What is he? Oh, Donald, please.
Celery stalks.
Celery stalks.
How's the water doing?
Well, it's a big pot. It's
gonna take a long time.
Okay, here's the vegetable oil,
the small pan and
the celery stalks.
Thank you. Bread crumbs, please.
Lemon peel, sliced length
wise, and one anchovy.
Oh, anchovies? I don't have any.
Would you settle for a sardine?
If we must. And
two eggs. Quickly!
Two eggs.
What about the water?
Couple of bubbles on the side.
Uh-huh.
Okay, here we are.
How did you meet him?
Well, you know how you do.
I know how I do.
Any Trobianders in your family?
I beg your pardon?
Donald, you don't
have to answer that.
It's none of his business.
I'll go along with that.
Good. Instinctive hostility.
Trust it.
What's a Trobiander?
Well, it's a person who
doesn't live casually
with another person.
Oh.
Excuse me, Donald.
Oil. Celery stalks.
Celery stalks.
Bread crumbs. Bread crumbs.
Sardines.
Sardines.
Now, then, leave it in the oven
at 350 and don't even peek.
You understand
about not peeking.
For at least one hour.
Bon appétit.
Wait a minute, what do I
do when the water's boiled?
Oh, make yourself a nice
cup of tea while you're waiting.
Arrivederci.
Uh, well, Donald,
open up the oven door
and we'll put it right inside.
There. Now, close the door.
That ought to be real yummy.
Why shouldn't he
be interested in you,
and why shouldn't you
be interested in him?
I mean, it's perfectly natural for
girls to be attracted to older men.
The graying temples,
the bulging stomachs.
What bulging stomach?
That slow, distinguished walk.
I didn't notice any slow...
There's nothing wrong with it.
So he reminds you of your father.
My father? That's all right.
It's not dirty.
I mean, they're both in
the restaurant business.
They're both old.
Oh, brother.
What's this? My cleaning.
Well, what's it doing
here? It'll get all wrinkled.
That's the only
place I won't forget it.
[knocking at door]
Buona sera. Complements
of Signore Gente.
Oh, my Gosh.
Donald, look!
I'll bet he ruined
my roast on purpose.
I'll bet.
And made us cook that mess for an
hour so he could get this over here.
Wonderful.
May we enter?
Oh, yes. No, no.
Just make a u-turn and take
that portable smorgasbord
back to Gente's.
But that would be
foolish. That's all right,
it won't be the first
foolish thing I've ever done.
Donald!
Signore, to take it
back is pointless.
For you.
For me, it's pointed.
You do not understand.
It couldn't stand another
trip across 3rd Avenue.
If you do not wish it, you
might as well throw it away.
Then throw it away.
You may enter.
Donald... [speaking Italian]
Oh, Donald. I'm
beginning to get hacked.
Hacked? This is hacking me.
What's that? Hacked!
Hack, hacked, hacking. The
present subjunctive of homicidal.
Oh, Donald. Our roast is
ruined. We have no dinner.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Well, over there
is a groovy dinner.
[Donald] Yeah.
[speaking Italian]
Right, right. I suppose so.
To be served by the
prince's faithful servants,
who will be promptly beheaded
if they spill one drop of gravy.
Ann. Donald, please.
All right.
All right, on one
condition. What?
I refuse to be grateful.
Signorina enjoy the
anguila strapazzate?
Absolutamente.
Uh, the signore enjoy
the anguila strapazzate?
Yeah.
What is anguila strapazzate?
[chuckles] Scrambled eel.
Ask a silly question.
Boy, this Gente really
lays it on, and you love it.
Well, it is kind of flattering.
You're the first girl I've ever
met that was flattered by an eel.
That's not exactly what I meant.
I know what you meant.
Exactly.
Donald!
Donald, may I please
see you in the kitchen?
Donald, there is such a
thing as being gracious.
There is also such a thing
as coming on too strong.
What else do you
think this dinner is?
An expression of
hemispheric solidarity.
Did Signorina enjoy
the piccata de vittello?
Oh, very much.
And the salsiccia con pomodoro
allagante were to your liking?
Mmm, delightful.
The asparagi vinaigrette?
Was not totally reprehensible.
Donald, may I see
you in the kitchen?
[all speaking Italian]
You not only buy Federico's routine,
you're impressed with his waiters.
The latter remark
I will simply ignore.
The former, since it is made
of whole cloth and pure fiction,
that I will question.
I lost track.
Just what is this routine of Federico's
that I'm supposed to have bought?
Ann, the man is
obviously making his move.
I would hardly call a
catered dinner a move.
Yeah, well, then what's
all this conversation
about people living together
or not living together?
Oh, that's just
continental conversation.
That's not personal
conversation.
Continental conversation
is personal conversation.
Did it ever occur to
you that Federico might
be interested in me
simply as a human being?
[stammering] Then why
does he look at you like...
Like he's seen you
with your clothes off?
I won't even deign to reply.
The frittatina marsala was
to your complete satisfaction?
[clears throat] For a domestic.
Donald, may I see you...
I know, in the kitchen?
Will you be reasonable?
If I can't fight back
against Federico,
will you at least let
me insult his waiters?
Fine. You're allowed.
You can make it up with the tip.
What tip?
Well, you have to
tip them. Tip them?
Well, 15%, I think, would
be fair and appropriate.
Fifteen percent of what? I don't
even know how much the dinner cost.
That's right. I'll call the
restaurant and get their price list.
[whimpers]
Yes, well, um,
how much do you get
for anguila strapazzate?
$7.50 per serving?
No, no. No, no, tha...
That's, uh, very reasonable.
Yes.
[muttering]
More coffee, signore?
Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah,
perhaps a drop.
Oh.
Perhaps a drop.
Oh, that's fine.
Yes. Well, um,
what about the
piccata de vitello?
The... Oh, how much is that?
How much?
Are you aware that you can buy
that much cheaper anywhere in Italy?
More coffee, signore?
Uh, no. No, thanks.
[clears throat] Uh, perhaps
you'd like a cup of coffee?
No, thank you. You've
been very helpful.
Mm-hmm. Bye.
Donald! Donald, may
I see you a minute?
Uh, excuse me.
Pardon me.
What did you find out?
Well, uh...
Donald, when we go out for dinner and
you really wanna take me to a swell place
and you really
wanna put on the dog,
how much does it cost
for, say, a dinner for two?
Oh, uh, 12, 15 bucks.
Yeah, well, that's what this
free meal's gonna cost you in tips.
Okay. Okay, I liked his dinner.
Is that enough of a concession?
You don't have to
make concessions.
Well, actually, it's such a
small one, it hardly counts.
It counts, no matter how small,
and I appreciate it.
And I also want you to know that
I would never begrudge
you your right to begrudge.
Who could ask for anything more?
There is something to be
said for unfounded jealousy.
And what's that? Well,
you get to make up,
when there never was
anything to make up about.
Now, hold it.
I haven't reached the point yet
where I consider
Federico "never anything."
Well, I have.
Isn't that all that
really matters?
I know when I've
been outlogic-ed.
Good night. Good night.
[knocking on door]
Oh, Donald. Oh, Federico.
[Donald] Well, um,
uh, I was just leaving.
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You leave, uh, don't you?
Well, it's, uh... it's
a nice place to visit,
but I wouldn't
want to live here.
Good night, honey.
Oh, Donald, you
don't have to go.
I'll be back.
Nice boy. He's not a boy.
He's a very special man.
Anyway, as long as you're here,
I... I wanna thank you
for the lovely dinner.
Oh...
if Mohammad won't
come to the mountain...
[chuckles]
Oh, my gosh.
Please excuse this
place. It looks like a mess.
I don't usually leave Donald's
clothes just lying about.
I'll just put them
where they belong.
Aha! Then there were
men's clothes in there.
Well, it... it just shows you
you can't judge a
closet by its door.
Well, I suppose, as long as there
is a Donald, there is no hope for me.
Oh, Federico. There's
always hope for you.
Hope, and somewhere,
ample closet space.
[door buzzer] Donald?
Yeah.
Oh, Donald. Donald,
I'm stuck in the shower!
The door won't open!
Well... Well, look, I'll go
around to the fire escape,
and I'll get you out!
Great idea!
Open the door... [muttering]
Who is it?
It is I, Federico!
Oh, hi, Federico. I... I can't
come to the door just now.
The shower again?
The shower again.
[Federico] Wait, I'll go
out on the fire escape.
[Ann] Oh, that's okay.
Donald's in the
bedroom. He'll let me out.
Thank you!
Uh, but how... Uh, honey,
I'll get you out in just a minute.
Good morning. Good morning.
What happened to your clothes?
Oh, it's... it's
the fire escape.
Uh, listen, I'd like to stay
and chat with you for a while,
but I, uh, I have some
pressing business.
Oh, yes, you must get
Ann out of the shower.
Yeah. Well, I'll
tell you what to do.
You go to the kitchen. In one of
the drawers you'll find a tool kit.
In the tool kit, you'll
find a screw driver.
Remove the bottom screw first.
I suppose I ought to tell
Donald about me and Federico
in the shower one of these days.
[door slams] [Donald] Ann?
Who do you think told me how to
get the lock off the shower door?
Why wait? I'll tell him now.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA