That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Philadelphia Story - full transcript

[Donald] This is the story of
a girl who has just received

her first part in a
Broadway production.

This is the same girl
almost missing the train

to the out-of-town rehearsals
for that Broadway production.

Don't worry, she'll make it.

[Donald] Pretty hard to miss.

At this point, I feel it
behooves me to inform you

that this girl, on
her way to the hotel

where she is going to
stay while she rehearses

for her first part in her
first Broadway production,

is my girl.



And that's all you need to know,

except that my
girl is that girl.

Oh! Oh, don't do that, Pete!

Oh, close the door!
Close the door!

What are you doing?

I'm just washing
out a few things.

You haven't stopped
washing out a few things

since we got here.

The humidity in this
room is unbearable.

Oh, it's not that bad.

Look, Ann, we've been in
Philadelphia for a week now,

and all you do is
rehearse and wash.

I just think that an
actress in Philadelphia

with a boyfriend in New
York ought to keep herself



constructively occupied
in her spare time.

Has, uh, anybody
been bothering you?

Well, not really bothering
me, just sort of asking me

to lunch and
dinner all the time.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Harvey Miller.

Hey, he's not bad.

He's very nice.

But I just don't want
to start anything.

And it's much easier to
say I have things to wash out

than to keep saying
I'm not hungry.

Well, you can just tell him.

You don't really have to do it.

I'm a terrible liar. If
I didn't, he'd know.

And look how nice and red and
chapped I'm keeping my hands.

I hate to see you missing
out on all that free food.

Couldn't you just
be good friends?

I could, but I don't
know about Harvey.

Ask him.

Ask him would he be interested

in a purely platonic
relationship,

particularly during meals.

What if he says "yes"?

Then you can order
anything you want

and all you have to worry
about are the calories.

When you take in laundry,

you don't have to
worry about your weight.

Well, it's not the
largest restaurant,

but it's the best French
restaurant in Brewster.

A Frenchman was
in love with me once.

He was crazy about my frog legs.

Oh, do you cook?

No.

Are you all right, Harvey?

Would you excuse me a moment?

I-I think I'll get
some more coffee.

I'll join you.

I should not have accepted.

Why? What's the matter?

Harvey. The way he keeps
staring at me. It's embarrassing.

I thought he agreed to
be buddies during lunch.

Are you kidding?

He didn't get halfway
through the tomatoes juice

before his eyes
started burning hot.

Honestly, I wouldn't knock it.

[gasps] What time is it?

About 1:00.

Oh, I gotta call Donald.

Would you take my cup
back to the table for me?

Remember, you promised.

Ask him if he's got a friend.

Okay.

And keep the requirements loose.

You know, speaks
English, fairly normal.

Hi, Jer.

Well, what are you going to
be doing this weekend, buddy?

Same thing I'm doing now:

not being able to
watch a ballgame

because you won't
get off the phone.

Okay, so I'm inconsiderate.

I also happen to
be just a little lonely.

Don, why don't you
talk to some nice girl?

Okay, is your wife there?

You must know another
girl besides Ann and my wife.

Look, I don't feel like
talking to another girl.

I-I'd just rather, you know,

sort of shoot the breeze
with you for a while.

Don, Ann must be just
as lonely as you are,

and she hasn't called me once

since she's been out of town.

That's because she's
doing something unique,

fulfilling a lifelong dream.

I mean, this is her
first Broadway show.

All the excitement,
the hard work,

the new discoveries,
the thrills,

the bright lights,
the applause...

Hey, that's not bad.

What? What... what's not bad?

The whole idea.

Hey, that's got the makings
of a great feature story

for Newsview.

Pretty good byline.

You can't make up
your own assignments.

That way, I wouldn't be going
to Philadelphia just to see Ann.

I'd be going to do a story.

It's a natural. Mr. Price
ought to jump at it.

Idlebaum walks.

Listen to this:

The birth of an actress
and the birth of a play

from rehearsals to
opening night on Broadway.

[crack of baseball bat]

Hey, Don, you know
what just happened?

Hey, listen, buddy, I'm
sorry to cut you short,

but I gotta make
an important call.

Right, Mr. Price. Opening
night is in three days.

It'll make a great story.

If I leave right now,
I can take a plane

and be there in an hour.

With a train, 40 minutes.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Thank... Thank you,
sir. Thank you very much.

It worked.

But it was busy until
just a few minutes...

Yes, okay. Thank you.

What's going on?

No answer. He's gone.

He probably went out to eat.

But he was just
talking on the phone.

I mean, a person doesn't
just hang up the phone

then run like crazy out
the door to have lunch.

Maybe he was hungry.

So hungry he had to run?

Or walk swiftly.

If he was walking, he'd
have heard the phone

from down the hall.

Maybe the operator
didn't ring long enough

for him to come back
up the hall and answer.

No, they have to ring the
phone at least seven times.

If they don't
they can get fired.

I know. I have a friend
who's an operator.

There's no doubt
about it: He ran.

So what?

People don't run to
lunch unless they're late.

But if you have lunch by
yourself, how can you be late?

You can't be late...

unless you're having
lunch with someone else.

He ran out of his apartment
so he'd be on time... at.

For his lunch date.

You don't know
that's what he did.

I don't know that's
what he didn't.

Maybe he's been
trying to call you

at the hotel or the theater.

Do you really think so?

Of course. Now,
finish your lunch.

I'll call the hotel after lunch.

Operator? Operator?

Hello, operator? Hello?

Hello.

Hello, Donald?

In person.

Donald, where are you?

Right behind you.

Oh, Donald! Oh, Donald!

Donald Hollinger,
where have you been?

On my way to Philadelphia.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to surprise you.

I've been trying to
call you all afternoon

Your line's been busy.

I've been talking to my editor.

Come here. Sit down.

I've got another part
of the surprise for you.

I'm down here on assignment.

[gasps] Oh, that's terrific!

Why? What happened
in Philadelphia?

You're what happened.
You and the play.

I'm covering the show
from start to finish.

You mean the whole trip?

For eight weeks.

Oh, that's fantastic!
You're serious, aren't you?

I mean, if you're not
serious, I'll kill you.

What if I am serious?

Then I won't kill
you, I'll kiss you.

Never been more
serious in my life.

Oh, Donald. Oh, I want you
to meet the rest of the cast.

The rehearsals have
been going so great

and everything is so exciting.

And I can't wait for you to get
to the theater with me today.

Oh, oh, wait... wait a minute.

I don't want to see the
play until opening night.

You see, um, I'm
also going to review it.

You mean, like a critic?

That's right.

Oh, Donald!

Oh, Donald, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, that's just terrific!
What are you going to say?

Well, I don't know yet.

Of course you don't.

Oh, Donald, now...
Now, I don't want you

to play favorites with me.

I mean, you have to
remain totally impartial.

Honey, I'll be as
fair and objective

and as honest as I can be,

not matter how cold
or brutal it'll seem.

What do you think of that?

I think I should have quit

after "Oh, Donald,
I'm so proud of you."

Break a leg.

Oh, thank you.

Here, you forgot your bag.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I'm so excited
and... and so scared.

Opening-night jitters.

Every actress who ever
lived felt the same way.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, I'd better go off.

You'll be fine.

I'll see you at the party as
soon as I finish my review.

Okay.

Donald? What?

Don't expect too much.

I expect that you
won't disappoint me.

How can you be sure?

Faith in you.

Oh, thank you, Donald.

And I will be good, too.

I'll do the best job
any actress every did...

in Philadelphia, in
this theater, ever.

That a way to talk.

Right.

But don't expect too much.

Hey, final curtain, 30 seconds.

Best news I've heard all night.

You were lucky you died
in the first 30 minutes.

We had to stand out there
and die for two-and-a-half hours.

Maybe it's not as
bad as we think.

Maybe. But it's a weird
feeling to be standing on stage

taking a bow while hundreds
of people run for their lives.

Well, maybe the
theater was on fire.

People don't run
that fast just for a fire.

Hi, everybody. Hi!

Hi, Ann!

Are the reviews out yet?

Not yet. Have a drink.

No thanks. When are they due?

[Pete] Who? The reviews.

Before you know it. Relax.

Relax? Are you kidding?

I'm so excited my
feet are swollen.

You know, I could
hardly get my shoes on?

Wasn't that a great audience?

Did you notice they were
so wrapped up in the play

they even forgot to laugh.

Except for once
in the second act.

Oh, I remember.

How'd it feel to you, Harvey?

Uh, it's kind of hard to say
about these things, Ann.

Well, we'll know
soon enough, I guess.

How 'bout a sandwich?

No one's going to
want anything to eat

once the reviews get here.

I think she's got a point there.

Okay, the play was... adequate.

No.

The play... the play was...

pleasant.

The play was rotten.

The play was rotten.

R-o-t-t-e-n.

[Ann] You've been in a
million plays, haven't you?

Well, here are the papers.
Who wants to read them?

Oh, could I? Could I be the one?

I mean, it's my first play and
that's tradition and everything.

Yeah, sure.

Here it is. And Everything Nice.

"A new play opened in
Philadelphia last night,

"billed as a 'mystery comedy.'

"It was one of the best
mysteries I have ever witnessed.

"The mystery is:
how did a play like this

ever get on in the first place?"

Skip the rest, honey.
Read the next one.

Sure, there are other papers.

I mean, there are
differences of opinions.

That's right. Sure.

One newspaper.

Here it is.

"Last night at the
Walnut Street Theater,

this city was bombed for
the first time since 1775."

Here's another one.

"Last night a new
play opened in town

"entitled And Everything Nice.

It was not."

Are those all the reviews?

Well, it's a start.

But we all thought
the play was so good.

Well, there's no accounting
for some people's taste.

Gee, it just doesn't seem fair.

Take it easy, Ann.

But they just can't get
away with that, just like that.

I mean, someone ought to
at least write letters to them

and... and tell them that...

That their critics have no
right to do something like this.

I mean... I mean, we've
all spent a great deal of...

Of time and... and energy and...

And well, I just
don't think it's...

I just don't think it's right.

Listen, why don't we
go back to the hotel

and wash out a few things?

No, I don't feel like
washing out a few things.

I came here
tonight to celebrate,

and I'm going to
have something to eat.

Listen to me.

At times like this,

all a good actress like
you needs is a good play.

First thing you know,
another one comes along

and you forget
this ever happened.

I give you my word.

Hi, Donald. Pete.

Hello, Ann. Hello.

Well, I'll see you
back at the hotel.

Hey, it looks good.

Name one thing.

Honey... honey, look,
I know how you feel,

but it isn't the
end of the world.

It's really the
beginning for you.

You shouldn't be hurt.

I'm not hurt, Donald. I'm angry.

Those people said lot of cruel
and nasty things about the play.

They did.

Well, honey, it's only
one person's opinion.

Doesn't make them right.

I mean, they don't even know us.

People who write reviews should
never be allowed to see plays.

Well, I... I certainly
can understand

w-why you feel that way.

What did you
think of it, Donald?

Me?

Uh, well, it's... It's
hard to say, honey.

As a matter of fact, it
was very hard to write.

Did you write your review?

Uh, yes. Yes, I did.

May I read it.

Well, yes, of course.

You mean now?

Don't you want me to?

Yes. Yes, as a
matter of fact, I do.

Thank you.

"When a new play
first opens out of town,

"it is assumed there will be
rough spots to be smoothed out

"and dull stretches
that need to be cut.

"That is certainly
part of the problem

with the new play
And Everything Nice."

"However..."

"However, no matter how
cold and brutal it may seem..."

"it is this reporter's
impression

"that the rough
spots are too rough

"and the dull
stretches are too dull

to ever make it right."

Hey, wait a minute.
You didn't read the rest.

Ann, listen, listen!

"A fine cast and... And
Ann Marie displayed

"an exceptional feeling for
her role as the murderess.

Her charm and poise revealed..."

Hi.

Hi, Daddy.

I was going for a walk.
Would you like to join me?

No, thanks.

Honey, for a play
that lasted one night,

I think three days
mourning is enough.

Daddy, could you use a
has-been ingenue as a waitress?

Sorry, I don't hire show-folk.

They're too unreliable.

When are you going
back to New York?

Oh, I... I can't go
back to New York.

I just can't face people yet.

Before you'd been in a
play, you could face people.

Now that you've been
in a play, you can't.

It doesn't make sense to me.

Oh, Daddy, I'm just not
sure of myself anymore.

There's no law against that.

I mean, don't you see?

If I was that wrong
about the play,

I could be that wrong about
everything, about me, too.

Maybe I'm no good.

That isn't what it says here.

Isn't what says where?

Right here. Another
review of the play.

I picked up this
week's copy of Variety.

I didn't know you read Variety.

If I had daughter
who was jockey,

I'd read the racing form.

"A socko comedy performance
was turned in by Ann Marie.

"She had such a disarming
way of eliminating people,

"even the victims
shouldn't mind.

The audience loved her."

They said that? In Variety?

I just read it, didn't I?

Let me see that.

"A socko comedy performance..."

Hey, that's not bad, is it?

Pretty good, I'd say.

Oh, my gosh.

I mean, if they... If
they really felt that way,

then maybe I'll find
another play to do.

I mean a really
good play, you know?

Mm-hmm.

And next time... and
next time it'll be different!

"Socko comedy performance."

Mm-hmm.

That's not bad at all.

You know, Donald said
something like that, too.

Oh, Donald! I'd better call him.

He's probably wondering
what happened to me.

I haven't talked to him in days.

No, no, no, I'll pack first.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Daddy, would you get me a ticket
on the 2:00 train back to New York City?

Oh, and tell Mother I want
her to drive me to the station.

Oh, never mind.
I'll ask her myself.

I'm going to fix
myself a sandwich.

I haven't eaten in three days.

That's her trouble:
no enthusiasm.

Look, Don, you wrote the
review the way you saw it.

What else can you do?

I can go up to
Brewster and see her.

Maybe she doesn't
want to see you.

She hasn't called.

Well, maybe she
doesn't have a dime.

Listen, Jerry.

Listen, the girl is hurt
and she's disappointed.

Well, she'll get over
it. Give her a chance.

Yeah? Yeah.

No.

No, I'm going up there
and I'm going to talk to her.

She may not listen to you.

She has to. I'm
bigger than she is.

Honey! Honey! Honey!

Oh, Donald! I was
just going to reach you!

[talking over each other]

Honey, honey,
you wait right there!

[Donald] Wait right there!

[talking over each other]