That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 8 - There's Nothing to Be Afreud of But Freud Himself - full transcript
After Ann's personality is dissected, Donald uses want he has learned about Ann.
♪♪ [energetic]
Yes, sir. That's right, sir.
We've sent your tickets over
to the hotel by messenger.
Fine. Thank you.
Miss Marie, I'll take
over the front desk.
Would you please finish
putting the prices on the board?
Yes, sir.
Hi there, gorgeous.
Hi!
Hey, what are you doing
here so early for lunch?
It's 10:30, and I'll bet I
know the reason why.
I'm sorry, honey,
I have to cancel.
I got an interview.
I knew it.
Honey, it's a great assignment.
A little less
enthusiasm, please.
After all, you are
breaking our date.
Not breaking. Postponing.
You come to the office later,
and we'll go to dinner instead.
Now, that's better.
You can eat more.
Okay.
I've gotta put these
numbers up on the board.
Who are you interviewing?
Dr. Enrico Cesana.
You're kidding.
The Dr. Enrico Cesana?
Isn't that great?
He's the leading
man in his field today.
I should say.
You know him?
Sure. I see him all the time out
in his field leading people around.
Honey, he just achieved a
tremendous breakthrough
with a mechanistic approach to
the workings of the human mind
as opposed to the old
behavioristic patterns.
It could totally revise Freud.
Well, if it's okay with
Freud, it's okay with me.
See you later.
I'll be through about 6:30.
Okay. Bye.
Isn't that very inexpensive?
Hmm?
No wonder!
All the places on
that list have wars
and revolutions and uprisings.
People are afraid to go there.
For a price like that, we
can afford to take a chance.
Well, have you made
up your minds yet?
Oh yes, we have.
We'd like the reduced special,
around-the-world, $35.98.
Excellent. I'm sure
you'll enjoy that.
Let's see, that's 10% down.
That's 3 dollars,
59 cents, right?
3 dollars and 59 cents?
For what?
For the trip!
Now, who put 35.98
on the board that way?
I think it was that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Hey, Don. Hi, Jerry.
Say, how's it comin' with
that psychology article?
Boy, it's terrific.
"The Cesana Evaluation Method."
Yeah, yeah, it's a new
technique in inkblot testing.
I'm telling you,
Jerry, it's fascinating.
Does it really work?
Listen, Cesana can tell
you things about yourself
that you never even suspected.
Oh, yeah? Maybe I'll see what
I've been hiding about
myself all these years.
Let's see...
This blot suggests
a... sunflower
with the petals just
beginning to wilt.
Sunflower, huh?
Yeah, with wilting petals.
Well, that's blot number four.
Well, we just look
it up in this manual,
and I'll tell you in a second.
Don't tell me!
I'm witty, profound,
sophisticated,
and too modest to admit it.
You're indecisive,
you're insecure,
and you're inclined to be
somewhat irresponsible.
W-w-wait a minute.
Give me a chance.
Let me do another one.
Oh, this has got to be
a range of mountains.
A range of mountains, huh?
All right, number three.
Number three...
A range of mountains.
You sure you want to hear this?
I... guh, um... Yes.
You're uncertain,
vague, easily confused.
What, me, uncertain? Vague?
Easily confused?
I'm not gonna believe that.
You are also unwilling
to accept reality.
Why? Just because I said a...
a blot looked like a... a sunflower
and another one looked
like a range of mountains?
Listen, you're lucky you didn't
say spider to that first one.
Then you'd really have
something to think about.
Spider? What does a spider mean?
Oh, forget it.
You'd not only
stop talkin' to me,
you'd start talkin' to yourself.
You want to try another one?
No. I'll quit while I'm ahead.
[knocking on door]
Who is it?
[Ann] It's me.
Oh, come in, honey.
I'll be right out.
Hey, how'd everything go today?
Terrific.
I'm sending a couple
around the world
for 35 dollars and 98 cents.
[Don] That's a pretty good
deal. How does it work?
Simple: everything between
35 dollars and 98 cents
and the actual cost of
the trip I pay for myself.
[Don] What?
When I was putting the
numbers up on the board,
I left a decimal in
the wrong place.
[laughing] Hey,
that's kind of funny.
Look how I'm doubled
up with laughter.
Oh, honey, you mean they're gonna
make you pay for a mistake like that?
Well, they were going to
take it out of my weekly salary,
but then they figured I
couldn't possibly live that long.
[Don] Oh, honey, I think
they're just trying to scare you.
They've done a terrific job.
Are these smudges part
of your new assignment?
[Don] They're not
smudges, they're inkblots.
Personality evaluation tests.
What do they mean?
[Don] Depends on
individual interpretation.
Here's an interesting
one. Looks like a spider.
Donald?
Yes?
Why did you go...
When I said "spider"?
Uh... n-no reason.
No rea... I just
don't like spiders.
Come on, let's go eat.
But what does it mean?
Nothing.
It has to mean something.
Honey, it's not that important.
Donald, I am not leaving this
office until you tell me what it means.
It just means the subject
has stubborn tendencies.
Stubborn?
Yeah, you know,
stubborn, opinionated.
Things like that.
Things like what?
Oh, honey, it's
not that important.
Come on, let's eat.
Things like what, Donald?
Okay, honey,
but it's... it's silly.
It's not that important.
Um...
Argumentative, impulsive, a
tendency to jump to conclusions.
Because I said it
looks like a spider?
That's ridiculous.
I could have just as easily have
said it looks like a... a beetle.
Yep, right, yeah...
Yes, you could have.
That's right. Right.
Uh, uh... beetle. Beetle, um...
"See Spider."
Donald, you don't believe
all that gibberish, do you?
Honey, it has
nothing to do with me.
It's Dr. Cesana. Now, let's eat.
No, no, wait. Let's
find out about you.
Here. Look at this.
What do you see?
Honey, aren't you hungry?
Donald, I am trying
to prove a point.
Now, look at this and
tell me what you see.
Uh... okay. Um...
A lace curtain.
It reminds me of a lace curtain.
Okay, look it up. Lace curtain.
See what it says
about it. Lace curtain.
Okay.
Um... "Subject
tending towards...
uh, generosity,
understanding and indulgence."
Let's eat.
If you like broiled swordfish,
this is the best place in town.
You could have some sweet
peas and mashed potatoes.
What do you say?
I say you can't
tell all those things
from just one dumb inkblot.
Pretty good picture, huh?
Don't you like the picture?
Honey, what do you
think of the picture?
I think it could have been anything
else just as easily as a spider.
Honey, I'm not talking
about that picture.
I'm talking about this picture.
You're missing a great movie.
So am I!
I'm very sorry, sir.
You see, Donald?
If I was a bad person, I
wouldn't just have said "I'm sorry."
There you are.
Are you satisfied?
No, 'cause I really felt like
telling him to change his seat.
Okay, okay.
But what I don't understand
is if you really believe
those things about me, then how
can you have anything to do with me?
Honey, couldn't we
please change the subject?
Okay, but only after
you give me an answer,
a completely honest answer.
All right. All right.
But only if I have your promise
that once I answer
you, we drop the subject
and never discuss it again.
That I promise.
Okay. All right.
Yes, yes, you are...
That is, you can be
pretty stubborn at times and...
And argumentative.
And as for opinionated,
well, I don't know.
I, uh...
Well, I guess "opinionated"
is the word for it.
Donald, you've never
talked to me like this before!
Honey, it simply
isn't that important.
You're overreacting.
I'm overreacting?
Are there any other compliments
you care to extend before you leave?
Look, honey, why don't I
call you tomorrow, okay?
Fine, fine. Call me tomorrow.
There's nothing I can do
about stopping you from calling.
But would you please
do me a favor, Donald?
If a stubborn, opinionated
argumentative girl
answers, hang up.
[knocking on door]
Hi, Jerry.
Uh... good morning, doctor.
I hate to disturb you, but the boss
asked me to have you proofread this.
Well, why doesn't he have
Saunders do it? It's his article.
Oh, don't ask me.
I'm indecisive, insecure,
and irresponsible.
All right, Jerry, all right.
Don't you start on me, too.
"Too"? What do you mean, "too"?
You've got another
sunflower victim.
Worse. Ann thought
it looked like a spider.
And you told her what it meant?
Stubborn, argumentative,
opinionated.
But, Don, that's
Cesana's theory, not yours.
Why take it out on you?
Because she's stubborn,
argumentative, and opinionated.
Well, I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.
If I know Ann, by now
she's forgotten all about it.
And when you see her tonight...
I'm not gonna see her tonight.
You don't want
to see her tonight?
I didn't say that.
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll call Ruth, I'll tell her
to invite Ann to supper.
And then, just so I don't
get stuck with two ladies,
I'll bring you home with me.
Thanks, Jerry.
Hey, you want to
try another blot?
This time I'll give you a hint.
Why monkey around
with the status quo?
Don't you see, the
world needs us indecisive
unacceptors of reality to keep
you normal guys out of trouble.
[doorbell]
Who is it?
[Ann] It's me,
Ruthie. I'll be right in.
I'm gonna I drop
off my packages.
Uh, okay!
Excuse me.
We'll both be right back.
I hope.
I don't understand
how two grown people
can fight over some ink stains.
Well, it's just that
some people can't stand
to hear the truth
about themselves.
It's... immaturity,
plain and simple.
What does it meant if
it looks like a spider?
Ann, can't we forget that
yesterday ever happened?
But it did happen, Donald
And maybe it was for the best.
If we're so different, then maybe
we're just not right for each other.
Maybe the chemistry
is just all wrong.
What chemistry?
When a man loves a woman,
he's more interested in biology.
You may only think
you're in love with me.
You never really knew what
I was like until just yesterday.
That is the silliest
thing I ever heard of.
Donald, listen...
No. No, you listen.
If you want to
know what I think...
See, you're taking on
all my characteristics.
You're being stubborn,
argumentative, and opinionated,
when just yesterday,
you were understanding
and generous and indulgent.
Honey, can't we
talk about this later?
I have to finish my
article with Dr. Cesana.
I have to meet him
at the hospital later.
Ruth is waiting dinner
for us, and she's gone
to a lot of trouble
to prepare it.
Donald, I know that it's against
my basic personality traits to agree,
but in this case,
I guess I must.
For Ruthie's sake.
And another thing,
don't hold dinner for me.
And that goes
for breakfast, too!
Jerry. Jerry, wait a minute!
Jerry, where are you going?
I am gonna get loaded,
stoned, plastered.
I haven't decided which one, but
it's gonna be one of those three.
You learning?
Now, Ruthie, you
just settle down.
Now, Ruthie, it's
gonna be all right.
Well, doctor, it looks
like you've done it again.
Ann, I wasn't even here when it
happened. I was next door with you.
That's even worse. Hit and run.
Honey, I just left
my briefcase here.
Just left your briefcase here?
Donald, haven't
you learned by now
that you can't leave these
ink-bombs around unattended?
Or at least deactivate
it by burying that
manual someplace.
Oh, look, Ruthie, I
feel awful about this.
I wish there was
something I could say.
How about saying good night?
[weeping]
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Well, I tried to explain
about the inkblot tests,
and now I got about 8,000
traumas goin' for me all at once.
Oh, no, no, no, no,
sir. Not me personally.
It's my girl and
my best friends.
Well, frankly, they're
so bent out of shape,
I'm afraid to leave them alone.
Dr. Cesana, I'd appreciate it
if you could come over there.
I really need help.
Oh. Yes. Thank you.
Thank you very much, doctor.
Yes. Yes, the address is
344 West 78th
Street, Apartment C.
Yes, sir, thank you.
And, Doctor, as soon
as you can, please.
Thank you. Bye.
Well, give me a fountain
pen, I'll show you.
Jerry.
Hiya, pal. Hi!
Fix my friend here a drink.
Scotch on the
rocks. It's his favorite.
No, thank you.
Okay, then make it
bourbon and water.
Idn't it... That's my favorite.
Come on, pal, I think
you've had enough.
Why don't we get home? Come on.
Home... home.
Hmm. How can you be
married to someone for... for...
Almost a year. Come on.
Almost a year? [whistles]
And not know anything about her?
Oh, now, look,
Jerry, tell the truth.
Have you ever known Ruthie
to be stubborn or argumentative?
No, oh, no. Never.
That's so... That's why, you see,
it's so shocking to find out this way.
Jerry, you and Ruthie have
been so happy together.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. And if not for
you, we could've gone on
for the rest of our lives, and I'd
have never suspected a thing.
You're a real friend.
Yeah, yeah, every day I
creep into another heart.
Come on. Come on.
No, why? I wanna
have another drink.
Come on. Put your arm up.
Hey, come on. [drunken mumbling]
♪ For I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
And I don't care if I
never see him again.
Which should I take,
the blue or the pink?
Oh, Ruthie, if only you'd...
What shoes are you taking?
They're in the suitcase.
I put all the stuff in there.
Maybe you'd better take
the pink and the blue.
Or, better yet, why don't
you just throw everything
out of this suitcase and
put it back where it belongs?
No, Ann, I'm leaving him.
Now, don't argue with me.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said that.
Oh, that's all right, Ruthie.
But I think you're
making a big mistake.
You and Jerry really
love each other.
Well, so do you and Don.
And believe me, I'm the
one who should start packing.
But the only thing I'd be
leaving is my apartment.
That's the advantage
of being married.
[Don singing] He's back.
[drunken singing]
Jerry!
All right, we'll just
get him in the chair.
♪ I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ Which Ruthie can't deny ♪
What have you done to him?
What have I done?
I found him in a bar.
That's impossible.
Jerry hardly ever drinks.
Well, he was doin'
pretty good for a beginner.
Don't you dare
say that about him.
Oh, Ruthie, you can certainly
see that Jerry's been drinking
and Donald is obviously sober.
Well, thank you, honey.
I didn't know that you and I
were on speaking terms again.
Well, I shouldn't think so
after the way you treated her.
Ruthie, how about the
way Jerry treated you?
I mean, going off and
getting drunk like that.
Well, I don't blame him.
Now, Don should have
kept his inkblots to himself.
Ruthie, I... Well, Donald
was just doing his job, Ruthie.
You and I shouldn't have
been meddling into his inkblots.
[doorbell]
Well, at least Don
could have had a drink
or something so that
Jerry wouldn't stick out
like a sore thumb.
Oh, good evening, Dr. Cesana.
Buona sera, buona sera.
Welcome to, uh, psych-out row.
Again we see the results
of the amateur psychiatrist.
[tutting]
And if we add the
invariable variable
to the validity of
the multiple choice,
then... [speaking Italian]
È vero.
Of course.
You see... the probings,
the searching, the tests...
30 combinations to get an answer
that you tried to get
with only one question.
Impossibile!
Impossible.
Correcto.
After everything
you've said, Doctor,
what is your opinion?
There is not enough
time for an opinion.
Well, how about an estimate?
Is there enough time for that?
An estimate.
Perhaps a considered estimate.
That's all I want.
A considered,
professional estimate.
Honey, all I did was
read the manual.
A manual.
He read a manual.
You can't read just
a manual, you know.
This manual only
doctors can get.
The manual I gave
you is a manual,
but not the manual.
Let me demonstrate.
Spider? Spider.
Spider, ah hah.
"See Beetle."
Therefore and to
conclude, you are obviously
an intelligent girl with
an excellent ego structure.
But you also have some
marked aggressive tendencies.
There is some evidence
of stubbornness,
an inclination to
be opinionated,
and you are probably
quick to jump to conclusions.
Uh, well, Doctor, as you say,
that's just a
considered estimate.
Liberally speaking.
Well, if I'm as bad as
all that, I don't know why
you have anything
to do with me at all.
Because I happen to think
you're something very special.
Not so special as all that.
Let me tell you,
I've performed tests
on 3,000 subjects
from all walks of life.
3,000.
Every one of them had
tendencies which were
stubborn, aggressive,
opinionated.
Every one of them?
Every one of them.
You see, you have
to have those things
in order to have what
I am pleased to call
"una personalità
roto arrotondata..."
a fine, rounded personality.
Oh. Well, she's pretty rounded.
In my opinion, she's
doing very, very nice.
Thank you, Doctor.
Donald.
Come here.
How's that for an
aggressive attitude?
Very good.
That is a very nice
aggressive approach.
I like it. I like it.
So do I.
Ruthie, that was sensational.
It really was terrific, Ruthie.
Well, I hope you all
saved room for dessert.
Ann made it. It's
her big specialty.
I'll get it.
How do you feel, Jerry?
Great.
I've always said there's
nothing as sobering
as one of Ruthie's meals.
Doctor Cesana,
about your inkblots.
You know, when I was a little
girl, we used to make them.
You know, we'd put a blob
of ink on a piece of paper,
then we'd fold it in half,
and we'd have a design.
How do you do yours?
Well, honey, honey,
there are very exact
and scientific methods
used for that sort of thing.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yes, indeed.
We drop a blob of ink
on a piece of paper,
we fold it in half,
and we get a design.
Of course, sometimes they are
usable, sometimes they are not.
Here it is, folks: Ann's World Famous
Fudge Cake with chocolate sauce.
Honey, let me
help you with that.
Oh, careful, watch
out for the chair.
Be careful with
the sauce, Jerry.
What?
You're gonna spill
it on the... Floor.
Oh, Jerry.
[frustrated] Jerry!
You know, that's a
very interesting design.
What does it mean
to you, Miss Marie?
It doesn't mean anything to me.
But to Ruthie it probably
means a new rug.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
♪♪ [theme song]
Yes, sir. That's right, sir.
We've sent your tickets over
to the hotel by messenger.
Fine. Thank you.
Miss Marie, I'll take
over the front desk.
Would you please finish
putting the prices on the board?
Yes, sir.
Hi there, gorgeous.
Hi!
Hey, what are you doing
here so early for lunch?
It's 10:30, and I'll bet I
know the reason why.
I'm sorry, honey,
I have to cancel.
I got an interview.
I knew it.
Honey, it's a great assignment.
A little less
enthusiasm, please.
After all, you are
breaking our date.
Not breaking. Postponing.
You come to the office later,
and we'll go to dinner instead.
Now, that's better.
You can eat more.
Okay.
I've gotta put these
numbers up on the board.
Who are you interviewing?
Dr. Enrico Cesana.
You're kidding.
The Dr. Enrico Cesana?
Isn't that great?
He's the leading
man in his field today.
I should say.
You know him?
Sure. I see him all the time out
in his field leading people around.
Honey, he just achieved a
tremendous breakthrough
with a mechanistic approach to
the workings of the human mind
as opposed to the old
behavioristic patterns.
It could totally revise Freud.
Well, if it's okay with
Freud, it's okay with me.
See you later.
I'll be through about 6:30.
Okay. Bye.
Isn't that very inexpensive?
Hmm?
No wonder!
All the places on
that list have wars
and revolutions and uprisings.
People are afraid to go there.
For a price like that, we
can afford to take a chance.
Well, have you made
up your minds yet?
Oh yes, we have.
We'd like the reduced special,
around-the-world, $35.98.
Excellent. I'm sure
you'll enjoy that.
Let's see, that's 10% down.
That's 3 dollars,
59 cents, right?
3 dollars and 59 cents?
For what?
For the trip!
Now, who put 35.98
on the board that way?
I think it was that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Hey, Don. Hi, Jerry.
Say, how's it comin' with
that psychology article?
Boy, it's terrific.
"The Cesana Evaluation Method."
Yeah, yeah, it's a new
technique in inkblot testing.
I'm telling you,
Jerry, it's fascinating.
Does it really work?
Listen, Cesana can tell
you things about yourself
that you never even suspected.
Oh, yeah? Maybe I'll see what
I've been hiding about
myself all these years.
Let's see...
This blot suggests
a... sunflower
with the petals just
beginning to wilt.
Sunflower, huh?
Yeah, with wilting petals.
Well, that's blot number four.
Well, we just look
it up in this manual,
and I'll tell you in a second.
Don't tell me!
I'm witty, profound,
sophisticated,
and too modest to admit it.
You're indecisive,
you're insecure,
and you're inclined to be
somewhat irresponsible.
W-w-wait a minute.
Give me a chance.
Let me do another one.
Oh, this has got to be
a range of mountains.
A range of mountains, huh?
All right, number three.
Number three...
A range of mountains.
You sure you want to hear this?
I... guh, um... Yes.
You're uncertain,
vague, easily confused.
What, me, uncertain? Vague?
Easily confused?
I'm not gonna believe that.
You are also unwilling
to accept reality.
Why? Just because I said a...
a blot looked like a... a sunflower
and another one looked
like a range of mountains?
Listen, you're lucky you didn't
say spider to that first one.
Then you'd really have
something to think about.
Spider? What does a spider mean?
Oh, forget it.
You'd not only
stop talkin' to me,
you'd start talkin' to yourself.
You want to try another one?
No. I'll quit while I'm ahead.
[knocking on door]
Who is it?
[Ann] It's me.
Oh, come in, honey.
I'll be right out.
Hey, how'd everything go today?
Terrific.
I'm sending a couple
around the world
for 35 dollars and 98 cents.
[Don] That's a pretty good
deal. How does it work?
Simple: everything between
35 dollars and 98 cents
and the actual cost of
the trip I pay for myself.
[Don] What?
When I was putting the
numbers up on the board,
I left a decimal in
the wrong place.
[laughing] Hey,
that's kind of funny.
Look how I'm doubled
up with laughter.
Oh, honey, you mean they're gonna
make you pay for a mistake like that?
Well, they were going to
take it out of my weekly salary,
but then they figured I
couldn't possibly live that long.
[Don] Oh, honey, I think
they're just trying to scare you.
They've done a terrific job.
Are these smudges part
of your new assignment?
[Don] They're not
smudges, they're inkblots.
Personality evaluation tests.
What do they mean?
[Don] Depends on
individual interpretation.
Here's an interesting
one. Looks like a spider.
Donald?
Yes?
Why did you go...
When I said "spider"?
Uh... n-no reason.
No rea... I just
don't like spiders.
Come on, let's go eat.
But what does it mean?
Nothing.
It has to mean something.
Honey, it's not that important.
Donald, I am not leaving this
office until you tell me what it means.
It just means the subject
has stubborn tendencies.
Stubborn?
Yeah, you know,
stubborn, opinionated.
Things like that.
Things like what?
Oh, honey, it's
not that important.
Come on, let's eat.
Things like what, Donald?
Okay, honey,
but it's... it's silly.
It's not that important.
Um...
Argumentative, impulsive, a
tendency to jump to conclusions.
Because I said it
looks like a spider?
That's ridiculous.
I could have just as easily have
said it looks like a... a beetle.
Yep, right, yeah...
Yes, you could have.
That's right. Right.
Uh, uh... beetle. Beetle, um...
"See Spider."
Donald, you don't believe
all that gibberish, do you?
Honey, it has
nothing to do with me.
It's Dr. Cesana. Now, let's eat.
No, no, wait. Let's
find out about you.
Here. Look at this.
What do you see?
Honey, aren't you hungry?
Donald, I am trying
to prove a point.
Now, look at this and
tell me what you see.
Uh... okay. Um...
A lace curtain.
It reminds me of a lace curtain.
Okay, look it up. Lace curtain.
See what it says
about it. Lace curtain.
Okay.
Um... "Subject
tending towards...
uh, generosity,
understanding and indulgence."
Let's eat.
If you like broiled swordfish,
this is the best place in town.
You could have some sweet
peas and mashed potatoes.
What do you say?
I say you can't
tell all those things
from just one dumb inkblot.
Pretty good picture, huh?
Don't you like the picture?
Honey, what do you
think of the picture?
I think it could have been anything
else just as easily as a spider.
Honey, I'm not talking
about that picture.
I'm talking about this picture.
You're missing a great movie.
So am I!
I'm very sorry, sir.
You see, Donald?
If I was a bad person, I
wouldn't just have said "I'm sorry."
There you are.
Are you satisfied?
No, 'cause I really felt like
telling him to change his seat.
Okay, okay.
But what I don't understand
is if you really believe
those things about me, then how
can you have anything to do with me?
Honey, couldn't we
please change the subject?
Okay, but only after
you give me an answer,
a completely honest answer.
All right. All right.
But only if I have your promise
that once I answer
you, we drop the subject
and never discuss it again.
That I promise.
Okay. All right.
Yes, yes, you are...
That is, you can be
pretty stubborn at times and...
And argumentative.
And as for opinionated,
well, I don't know.
I, uh...
Well, I guess "opinionated"
is the word for it.
Donald, you've never
talked to me like this before!
Honey, it simply
isn't that important.
You're overreacting.
I'm overreacting?
Are there any other compliments
you care to extend before you leave?
Look, honey, why don't I
call you tomorrow, okay?
Fine, fine. Call me tomorrow.
There's nothing I can do
about stopping you from calling.
But would you please
do me a favor, Donald?
If a stubborn, opinionated
argumentative girl
answers, hang up.
[knocking on door]
Hi, Jerry.
Uh... good morning, doctor.
I hate to disturb you, but the boss
asked me to have you proofread this.
Well, why doesn't he have
Saunders do it? It's his article.
Oh, don't ask me.
I'm indecisive, insecure,
and irresponsible.
All right, Jerry, all right.
Don't you start on me, too.
"Too"? What do you mean, "too"?
You've got another
sunflower victim.
Worse. Ann thought
it looked like a spider.
And you told her what it meant?
Stubborn, argumentative,
opinionated.
But, Don, that's
Cesana's theory, not yours.
Why take it out on you?
Because she's stubborn,
argumentative, and opinionated.
Well, I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.
If I know Ann, by now
she's forgotten all about it.
And when you see her tonight...
I'm not gonna see her tonight.
You don't want
to see her tonight?
I didn't say that.
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll call Ruth, I'll tell her
to invite Ann to supper.
And then, just so I don't
get stuck with two ladies,
I'll bring you home with me.
Thanks, Jerry.
Hey, you want to
try another blot?
This time I'll give you a hint.
Why monkey around
with the status quo?
Don't you see, the
world needs us indecisive
unacceptors of reality to keep
you normal guys out of trouble.
[doorbell]
Who is it?
[Ann] It's me,
Ruthie. I'll be right in.
I'm gonna I drop
off my packages.
Uh, okay!
Excuse me.
We'll both be right back.
I hope.
I don't understand
how two grown people
can fight over some ink stains.
Well, it's just that
some people can't stand
to hear the truth
about themselves.
It's... immaturity,
plain and simple.
What does it meant if
it looks like a spider?
Ann, can't we forget that
yesterday ever happened?
But it did happen, Donald
And maybe it was for the best.
If we're so different, then maybe
we're just not right for each other.
Maybe the chemistry
is just all wrong.
What chemistry?
When a man loves a woman,
he's more interested in biology.
You may only think
you're in love with me.
You never really knew what
I was like until just yesterday.
That is the silliest
thing I ever heard of.
Donald, listen...
No. No, you listen.
If you want to
know what I think...
See, you're taking on
all my characteristics.
You're being stubborn,
argumentative, and opinionated,
when just yesterday,
you were understanding
and generous and indulgent.
Honey, can't we
talk about this later?
I have to finish my
article with Dr. Cesana.
I have to meet him
at the hospital later.
Ruth is waiting dinner
for us, and she's gone
to a lot of trouble
to prepare it.
Donald, I know that it's against
my basic personality traits to agree,
but in this case,
I guess I must.
For Ruthie's sake.
And another thing,
don't hold dinner for me.
And that goes
for breakfast, too!
Jerry. Jerry, wait a minute!
Jerry, where are you going?
I am gonna get loaded,
stoned, plastered.
I haven't decided which one, but
it's gonna be one of those three.
You learning?
Now, Ruthie, you
just settle down.
Now, Ruthie, it's
gonna be all right.
Well, doctor, it looks
like you've done it again.
Ann, I wasn't even here when it
happened. I was next door with you.
That's even worse. Hit and run.
Honey, I just left
my briefcase here.
Just left your briefcase here?
Donald, haven't
you learned by now
that you can't leave these
ink-bombs around unattended?
Or at least deactivate
it by burying that
manual someplace.
Oh, look, Ruthie, I
feel awful about this.
I wish there was
something I could say.
How about saying good night?
[weeping]
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Well, I tried to explain
about the inkblot tests,
and now I got about 8,000
traumas goin' for me all at once.
Oh, no, no, no, no,
sir. Not me personally.
It's my girl and
my best friends.
Well, frankly, they're
so bent out of shape,
I'm afraid to leave them alone.
Dr. Cesana, I'd appreciate it
if you could come over there.
I really need help.
Oh. Yes. Thank you.
Thank you very much, doctor.
Yes. Yes, the address is
344 West 78th
Street, Apartment C.
Yes, sir, thank you.
And, Doctor, as soon
as you can, please.
Thank you. Bye.
Well, give me a fountain
pen, I'll show you.
Jerry.
Hiya, pal. Hi!
Fix my friend here a drink.
Scotch on the
rocks. It's his favorite.
No, thank you.
Okay, then make it
bourbon and water.
Idn't it... That's my favorite.
Come on, pal, I think
you've had enough.
Why don't we get home? Come on.
Home... home.
Hmm. How can you be
married to someone for... for...
Almost a year. Come on.
Almost a year? [whistles]
And not know anything about her?
Oh, now, look,
Jerry, tell the truth.
Have you ever known Ruthie
to be stubborn or argumentative?
No, oh, no. Never.
That's so... That's why, you see,
it's so shocking to find out this way.
Jerry, you and Ruthie have
been so happy together.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. And if not for
you, we could've gone on
for the rest of our lives, and I'd
have never suspected a thing.
You're a real friend.
Yeah, yeah, every day I
creep into another heart.
Come on. Come on.
No, why? I wanna
have another drink.
Come on. Put your arm up.
Hey, come on. [drunken mumbling]
♪ For I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
And I don't care if I
never see him again.
Which should I take,
the blue or the pink?
Oh, Ruthie, if only you'd...
What shoes are you taking?
They're in the suitcase.
I put all the stuff in there.
Maybe you'd better take
the pink and the blue.
Or, better yet, why don't
you just throw everything
out of this suitcase and
put it back where it belongs?
No, Ann, I'm leaving him.
Now, don't argue with me.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said that.
Oh, that's all right, Ruthie.
But I think you're
making a big mistake.
You and Jerry really
love each other.
Well, so do you and Don.
And believe me, I'm the
one who should start packing.
But the only thing I'd be
leaving is my apartment.
That's the advantage
of being married.
[Don singing] He's back.
[drunken singing]
Jerry!
All right, we'll just
get him in the chair.
♪ I'm a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ Which Ruthie can't deny ♪
What have you done to him?
What have I done?
I found him in a bar.
That's impossible.
Jerry hardly ever drinks.
Well, he was doin'
pretty good for a beginner.
Don't you dare
say that about him.
Oh, Ruthie, you can certainly
see that Jerry's been drinking
and Donald is obviously sober.
Well, thank you, honey.
I didn't know that you and I
were on speaking terms again.
Well, I shouldn't think so
after the way you treated her.
Ruthie, how about the
way Jerry treated you?
I mean, going off and
getting drunk like that.
Well, I don't blame him.
Now, Don should have
kept his inkblots to himself.
Ruthie, I... Well, Donald
was just doing his job, Ruthie.
You and I shouldn't have
been meddling into his inkblots.
[doorbell]
Well, at least Don
could have had a drink
or something so that
Jerry wouldn't stick out
like a sore thumb.
Oh, good evening, Dr. Cesana.
Buona sera, buona sera.
Welcome to, uh, psych-out row.
Again we see the results
of the amateur psychiatrist.
[tutting]
And if we add the
invariable variable
to the validity of
the multiple choice,
then... [speaking Italian]
È vero.
Of course.
You see... the probings,
the searching, the tests...
30 combinations to get an answer
that you tried to get
with only one question.
Impossibile!
Impossible.
Correcto.
After everything
you've said, Doctor,
what is your opinion?
There is not enough
time for an opinion.
Well, how about an estimate?
Is there enough time for that?
An estimate.
Perhaps a considered estimate.
That's all I want.
A considered,
professional estimate.
Honey, all I did was
read the manual.
A manual.
He read a manual.
You can't read just
a manual, you know.
This manual only
doctors can get.
The manual I gave
you is a manual,
but not the manual.
Let me demonstrate.
Spider? Spider.
Spider, ah hah.
"See Beetle."
Therefore and to
conclude, you are obviously
an intelligent girl with
an excellent ego structure.
But you also have some
marked aggressive tendencies.
There is some evidence
of stubbornness,
an inclination to
be opinionated,
and you are probably
quick to jump to conclusions.
Uh, well, Doctor, as you say,
that's just a
considered estimate.
Liberally speaking.
Well, if I'm as bad as
all that, I don't know why
you have anything
to do with me at all.
Because I happen to think
you're something very special.
Not so special as all that.
Let me tell you,
I've performed tests
on 3,000 subjects
from all walks of life.
3,000.
Every one of them had
tendencies which were
stubborn, aggressive,
opinionated.
Every one of them?
Every one of them.
You see, you have
to have those things
in order to have what
I am pleased to call
"una personalità
roto arrotondata..."
a fine, rounded personality.
Oh. Well, she's pretty rounded.
In my opinion, she's
doing very, very nice.
Thank you, Doctor.
Donald.
Come here.
How's that for an
aggressive attitude?
Very good.
That is a very nice
aggressive approach.
I like it. I like it.
So do I.
Ruthie, that was sensational.
It really was terrific, Ruthie.
Well, I hope you all
saved room for dessert.
Ann made it. It's
her big specialty.
I'll get it.
How do you feel, Jerry?
Great.
I've always said there's
nothing as sobering
as one of Ruthie's meals.
Doctor Cesana,
about your inkblots.
You know, when I was a little
girl, we used to make them.
You know, we'd put a blob
of ink on a piece of paper,
then we'd fold it in half,
and we'd have a design.
How do you do yours?
Well, honey, honey,
there are very exact
and scientific methods
used for that sort of thing.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yes, indeed.
We drop a blob of ink
on a piece of paper,
we fold it in half,
and we get a design.
Of course, sometimes they are
usable, sometimes they are not.
Here it is, folks: Ann's World Famous
Fudge Cake with chocolate sauce.
Honey, let me
help you with that.
Oh, careful, watch
out for the chair.
Be careful with
the sauce, Jerry.
What?
You're gonna spill
it on the... Floor.
Oh, Jerry.
[frustrated] Jerry!
You know, that's a
very interesting design.
What does it mean
to you, Miss Marie?
It doesn't mean anything to me.
But to Ruthie it probably
means a new rug.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
♪♪ [theme song]