That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 19 - Who's Been Sleeping Here? - full transcript

Okay, the game is
"password."

The box says,
"using one-word clues,

"get your partner to say the secret word
without using the word yourself."

- Okay, what if...
- Donna, please,

I already read the box.

- But, Fez...
- I said box!

Okay, here are your secret
words. And good luck.

Okay, Eric,

staircase...

Jedi.

I'm sorry,
that's wrong.



Hyde?

um...

Fat.

Staircase,

fat...

- Escalator!
- Yes!

That is correct!

- What?
- What the hell?

Jackie, see me later
for your prize.

Oh, we are
so better than you.

Eric,

how did you get "Jedi"
from "Staircase"?

Uh, Donna,
the path to becoming a Jedi

has many steps.



You guys, I just took my baby girl to the
playground, and she's just like her daddy.

She's way cuter than
all the other babies

and she eats bugs.

Wow, Michael, you've spent every
weekend this month with Betsy.

The only other thing you've done
this consistently was cheat on me.

That's not true.

He also glues himself to stuff
with amazing regularity.

Whatever.

Look, Brooke is totally starting to
trust me now with Betsy.

And she's letting me
pick out Betsy's godparents.

And she only has one rule...
it can't be Fez.

Well,
that is a smart rule.

Godparents? Like we need
any more responsibilities.

I know, such a burden.

Okay,

so I've been thinking about this
a lot, all right? And it's a big deal. So,

Eric, Donna...

uh-oh...

please scooch over so I can ask Hyde
and Jackie if they'll be Betsy's godparents.

- What the hell?
- Hyde and Jackie?

We win! I was voted
most popular,

best legs and
now godmother?

What can't I do?

And the password is...

a burn.

That 70's Show - Saison 7 Episode 19
"Who's been sleeping here"

Traduction par Guzo
Synchro par Kiff

Merci ? Raceman

Pre?asoval / Retiming
blsho

Oh, my god,
this place is a mess!

Well, it's obvious.
You've had a break-in.

And that pizza box
is a clue.

Yep, they're Italian.

Someone
broke into my store.

What if
they stole something?

Oh, no.

It's okay.
My stash is safe.

Not entirely.

I got into it
a little bit yesterday.

You guys,
what are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

We don't have to do nothing.

Nothing big was taken.
Probably some kids having fun.

Fun?

Yeah, you know, fun...

that thing
you've never had.

I have plenty of fun,
okay?

Michael,

I'm fun, right?

You're good-lookin'.

Well, I think you would
make a great godparent, Eric.

You were so sweet
with your pet fish.

Remember? You'd feed
it potato chips and say:

"Look, everybody,
fish and chips."

All I remember is flushing
it down the toilet when he killed it.

Who takes a fish
out of the tank?

I just needed
to hug something.

Why do think Kelso
didn't choose us?

Well, picking godparents
can be very nerve-racking.

When Laurie was born, we agonized
over that decision for weeks.

And we chose well. Mike and
Cookie were good people.

Wait, so

who are
my godparents?

Well, they're the...

The Hoffenschloffers.

I'm sorry, the who?

The Higgengloopers.

Okay, I think you just said
The Hoffenschnoppers,

and then you said
The Hingengloobers,

and I'm not sure, but I don't think we know
any Hoffenschnoppers or Hingengloobers.

Come on, what's supposed to
happen to me if you guys die?

Maybe you'll finally
move out and get a job.

Ugh.

You know, the responsibilities
of being a godmother never ends.

You know, I spent all day
buying matching outfits.

You know, life is so much more fulfilling
now that I'm shopping for two.

Okay, being a godmother
isn't all about buying stuff.

Oh, yeah?

What's it about then?

Oh, you don't know either.

You guys,

great news.

Brooke is gonna let me have
Betsy on the weekends.

Oh, my god.

If Betsy's coming
here on weekends,

we're gonna need matching
godmother/goddaughter badminton skirts.

Now you're just trying
to make me mad.

Okay, you know what? We don't have to
stand here and take this. Let's go.

Yeah. Where are we going?

Um, I don't know, but we are just going
to stand outside until they leave!

Well, I am proud of you, Michael,
getting so involved in your baby's life.

A child needs
a strong, loving father.

Well, I am glad
you feel that way.

So you won't mind when Betsy visits
if we stay up in Laurie's room?

No.

No babies.

We get enough crying
around here with Eric.

Come on. Laurie's not using it.

It's a great room
with a very comfortable bed.

How the hell
would you know that?

Uh, Laurie always
has such...

good posture.

That indicates
a quality mattress.

What's wrong
with your house, honey?

It's not safe.

If my brothers don't step on her,
one of the dogs probably will.

You have dogs?

We don't know
whose they are.

Hey, you're here early.

Not early enough.

We were broken into again.

Well, at least these kids
leave more than they take.

We're not being robbed, man.
We're being cluttered.

I'm calling the cops.

No, don't call the cops.

Why not?

Cause then they show up
and they act all cop-py.

You know what I think?

I think you're the one
coming in here at night.

Why would I come here
when I have a house?

Well, a basement.

Why don't you tell me about the
$10 missing from the register?

Are you accusing
me of stealing?

Well, you don't want me to call the cops,
and of all the people I know...

and I know 28 people...

you are by far
the most likely to burgle.

Yeah, you know, I don't actually
have to take this from you, Angie.

I thought you didn't
call the cops.

I didn't.

Guys,

I don't know how
to turn off the siren!

Hey, Fez, let me
ask you a question.

If you were choosing
godparents,

wouldn't you choose
Donna and me?

Well, in my country,
we don't have godparents.

If something happens
to your parents, tough crap.

You're a bum.

You americans
and your safety nets.

Eric, are your
folks around?

Why?

Do you wanna bestow some honor
on them that we should rightly have?

No. I'm trying to sneak
this crib up into Laurie's room,

and I figure if I get it up there, there's no way
they can get it down 'cause they're too old.

Kelso, I just can't believe
you picked Hyde over me.

I mean, what exactly was your
criteria in choosing a godparent? I mean,

was it the ability
to shoplift a keg?

My reasons are complicated.

Complicated or stupid?

There are elements of both.

Down.

But...

Down.

Well, we were broken into again last night,
but you already know that since it was you.

Yeah, you busted me, Angie,

sneaking into my own store so I can
eat pizza and listen to Neil Sedaka.

After the second break-in, I had Michael
install a hidden surveillance camera.

It's the same one he tried
to use in my shower.

You spied on me?

Yep,

and I thought we could watch
the tape for the first time together.

Hey, I'm watching
"Perry Mason."

Oh, guess what.
Perry Mason wins.

It's not if he wins, it's how.
That's the magic, damn it.

Oh, look, there's Michael.

Even when he's not here,
I have to see his ass.

I've seen it almost as many times
as I've seen his face.

Oh, look, someone's coming in.

- Fez?
- Fez?

Hey, Red. Am I late for "Perry Mason"?
Ooh, who's that handsome...

Uh-oh.

Fez, what are you
doing there?

It was a secret.

I- I thought I was alone.

Okay, I know Fez pretty well,
and if he thought he was alone,

we need to stop
this tape right now.

Fez, man, why were you
staying at the record store?

Well, last week my
bible-thumping host parents...

found out that I already graduated, so they
kicked me out and took all my money as back rent.

And then they
gave me a bible.

Well, I wish you had been reading that instead
of the porno magazines I found in my office.

You know, Angie,

some things you could
keep to yourself.

I don't understand why you didn't just
ask us for help. I mean, we're your friends.

It's my damn latin pride.

So you're latin.

No, just my pride is.

And I also have
a swiss sense of frugality.

Steven, how could you not
know your friend was a hobo?

Well, now that
I think about it,

some things do make
more sense.

Man, where the
hell are my keys?

Oh, here they are.
I just borrowed them.

But I didn't
make a copy.

Why would you
make a copy?

Why would I borrow them?

To make a copy.

Why would I make a copy?

Okay.

Did you just take
a shower here?

No.

Why are you
wearing a towel?

Because otherwise
I'd be naked.

Oh,

there they are.

Hey, I was just happy he was
wearing underwear again, all right?

I can't believe
Kelso didn't choose us.

What could be
wrong with us?

Well,

there's nothing wrong with you.
I love you just the way you are.

- Yeah, and I love you just the way you...
- although, well...

It might be that
you don't have a job.

Oh.

Here it comes. Oh, you've just been
dying to get this off your chest, huh?

I don't have a job.
I play with toys.

Maybe you'd like to talk about how
I didn't show up for the wedding, too?

Oh, well, I don't need to talk about that because I
relive it every morning when I wake up alone!

Oh, really? Well, you used
to be a redhead!

You dyed your hair. God, it's like
everything about you now is so fake!

Whoa!

You said you
loved my hair.

I had to say that, Donna, to
keep you happy. You trap people.

You're a trapper. Nobody wants a
trapper for a godmother.

Okay, wait a minute.

What are we doing?

You know what?
You're right. Let's back up.

Why do we wanna
be godparents so bad?

Well...

I want it for the joy of nurturing
the spiritual growth of a child.

I want it
for the prestige.

Yeah, me too.
I was just saying that.

Hello!

Why does everybody
look so serious?

Did the good
year blimp crash?

Why?

No reason.

Some people shoot
bottle rockets at it.

Fez has been living in the record store
because his host parents threw him out.

What kind of parents
would kick a child out?

And will they teach
me how they did it?

You wanna be mean,
you don't get a sandwich.

I think what they did
to you is just awful.

He broke
into my store.

Which you accused me
of doing.

Accusing your own brother.
You don't get a sandwich either.

Anyway, Fez, maybe you
can stay in Laurie's room.

No.

I would rather fill that
room with cement.

Yeah, respect
a man's wishes.

Besides, that room's
for me and Betsy.

I don't get a sandwich.

Okay, I have an idea.

You and Fez both need
a place to live, right?

Yeah.

And living alone can
get kind of lonely, can't it?

Sometimes I cry
myself to sleep.

You see where
I'm going with this?

I do.

We each get our own apartment and
we call each other on the phone a lot.

Or we could
be roommates!

Roommates?

That is an awesome idea!

What were you thinking
of, Mrs. Forman?

That...

you two
should be roommates.

- Oh, thanks, but we already thought of that.
- Yeah.

All right,

why did you
choose them over us?

Is it 'cause
I don't have a job?

Is it because
I dyed my hair?

Look, I don't have a job because
Hyde turned me into a burnout.

And I dyed my hair because
Jackie destroyed my self-esteem.

Also, I rock as a blonde.

Are you beginning to see the influence
that they have on people?

I'm telling you, if
you stick with them,

your daughter's just gonna be a burnout,
low self-esteem lump with no job.

All right, you're just trying
to make us look bad.

Yeah, they're doing
a decent job of it.

Kelso, why did
you pick us?

Great. Now I feel awkward.

Look, I picked them because I think
they're gonna last longer than you.

What?

They just broke up
and got back together.

Well, at least they're
doing somethin'.

What are you guys doin'?

You don't know.
Nobody knows!

They're just a
safer bet right now.

Oh, my god.

This is better than when
he made us godparents.

We win everything!

Wow.

Well...

I don't really have
a speech prepared, but...

I just wanna thank
you guys for sucking.

Look, you guys,

if I knock somebody else up,
you're totally on the list.

I can't believe he doesn't
think we're gonna last. It's...

you don't think
he's right, do you?

Well, I don't know. We have
kind of been drifting this last year.

No,

no, not drifting.
You know,

exploring.

Exploring is drifting, Eric.

Oh, you know what? This is all your fault.
You're always saying that

something is something else.

God, it's like you're a
big, blonde thesaurus.

Well, excuse me
for knowing words, Eric.

Okay, you know what? This fight keeps going
nowhere, and you wanna know why?

We are actually freaking out
over something that Kelso said.

Kelso, the guy who doesn't understand
how hot dogs survive in the wild without eyes.

Okay, so you're not...
you're not worried, then?

No.

I don't know. Maybe a little bit,
but I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna find a job.

Great, and I'm gonna
dye my hair back.

No, oh, no, no.
The blonde stays.

I'm still using it.

All right, man, you
accused me of stealing,

so I've thought up a very
clever way of getting you back.

Today you wear
the rainbow afro.

Actually, you know what?

I don't think so.

Watch this.

Luck be a lady tonight.

Luck be a lady tonight.

Luck if you've ever
been a lady to begin...

I don't care about that.

Everybody knows
I sing Sinatra all the time.

Whoa, shoplifter!

Amateur.

Here's two bedrooms
with one and a half baths.

A half bath?

How does the
water stay in?

Here's one
with a dishwasher.

Ah, I don't want another
foreigner living with us.

We don't need a
dishwasher anyway.

Who's gonna do
the dishes?

We'll just order in.

You never wanna
take me anywhere.