That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 15 - It's All Over Now - full transcript

Hey, Sarah,

when you and Donna are
alone at the radio station,

do you ever pretend that instead
of being just a regular intern,

that you're, like, a
super naughty intern?

Oh, and that Donna has to teach
you a very naked lesson?

I'll give you 10 bucks and what's
left of my hot dog to say yes.

No, sillies. There's way too much
work to do at the station to daydream.

I mean, I have to take my top
off and sort records, and then

Donna and i have to
french-kiss. It's exhausting.

This is why there should
be more women in the workforce.

Um,



please don't take this
the wrong way,

but I want to
have sex with you.

Sarah's only been
interning for a week,

but the deejays have already let her talk on the
air, and they gave her a really cool nickname...

"Sizzling Sarah."

- Oh, that's terrific! That's onomatopoeia.
- That's good.

It rhymes.

It is so fun. Everyone at
the station's been super nice,

especially the older men.

Excuse me.
I'll be right back.

This girl is great.

This girl is great!

That girl is a bitch.

She's Sizzling Sarah
in one week?



It took me six months of sorting records
to become "Hot Donna"... six months.

Uh, no, actually, you've
been Hot Donna

since the fifth grade when you
started cultivating that melon patch.

Don't tell her about the melon patch!
Now she knows our secret code!

Sizzling Sarah.

I don't even know
why they hired her.

She's music-illiterate.

When I asked her if she liked The Police,
she was like,"No, I prefer firemen."

Donna, who cares if
she knows about music?

The girl is freakin' hot!

Yeah, Donna, what you've yet to realize
is that life is a beauty contest.

I mean, you got your
job because you're hot,

and now a new hot girl
is coming and taking your place.

It's survival of the juggiest.

No, I got my job
because I know music.

Yeah, that's why your on-air
nickname is "music-knowing Donna."

Look, Donna, your problem
is you've got too much going on.

I mean, the less you have going on, the
less you have to worry about. Look at me.

I've got nothing going on,

and I've got nothing
to worry about.

Except your future.

Eh.

How's it going?

Horrible! I want you back!

Thank god! I want you
back! In fact, marry me!

Oh, yes, Steven!

Do you, Jackie?

- I do!
- Me too!

Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, baby!

Jackie, I said,
"how's it going?"

Fine.

Everything's fine.

You guys, while I was
in the bathroom,

I realized I totally
forgot to wear a bra today.

I love you.

That 70's Show - Saison 7 Episode 15
"It's All Over"

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Steven,

I've noticed that every day you come home
from the record store tired and irritable,

and I just want to say,

welcome to life.

So

what's new in the
world of rock and roll?

'Cause this cool cat wants the
skinny on the be-bop, maestro.

Uh,

well, tomorrow we have Tom Jones coming
in for a record signing at the store.

Tom Jones? I love him!

Oh,

and the way he shakes his hips!

It just makes me feel all
nervous and embarrassed.

Boy, that sounds like fun.

Fun for you, maybe.
You're a middle-aged woman.

What?

Don't "what" me.

The average lifespan is 72,

so if you're older than 36, which you are,
then by definition, you're middle-aged.

Discussion over.

Okay, when you're right, you're right.

Wow.

I win an argument
every six years or so.

Is, um, Steven here?

I'm only asking to make sure he's not
in case he still has feelings for me.

Well, he's not here. He went to a
bar to forget how much he loves you.

Really?

Uh, no, he's at the car wash.

You guys want to hear
something sick?

Ooh, yes. Please, hurry.

Mr. Randall down
at the radio station

wants me to host a live remote from Hyde's
record store when Tom Jones is there.

And to promote it, they
want to put me on a billboard

wearing this.

That's just good radio.

Well, I'm not wearing it.

I should be valued for my voice
and music knowledge, not my body,

no matter how smokin' it is.

There you go again with your "women should
be valued for their minds" gobbledygook.

Donna, women should be
valued for their looks.

Men should be valued
for their cars, and

foreigners should be valued
for their ability to sweep.

Hey, hey!

We also drive
a mean taxi.

I'm not caving to
their smutty demands.

I am an on-air personality.
I am not a sex kitten.

I agree, Donna. Making you wear
that outfit is demeaning to women.

Well, thank you, Fez.

But just to be sure, put
it on and shake your ass.

would you please
quit giggling?

Sorry, man. I'm listening to George Carlin's "seven
dirty words you can't say on radio and television."

Man, he just keeps saying
'em over and over again.

Potty mouth.

Okay,

Tom Jones is booked,
and everything is set.

You know, I don't think there's anything more
exciting than a promotional event gone right.

Then you need to get drunk and
ride a mechanical bull.

You know,

you're being more of a tool than
usual. Have you talked to Jackie?

No, Angie. What do I
have to say to Jackie?

That you love her
and miss her.

I don't love people.

I love Camaros, Zeppelin and
french fries, in that order.

You guys, I just had
this brilliant idea.

You know how every
dirty word has a number?

Instead of cursing, you
could just say that number.

Like, I could say,"Hi,
go three yourself."

Hey,

Angie.

When Tom Jones gets here, you're not gonna
throw your underpants at him, are you?

Michael,

you know I don't
wear underwear.

Come on, man,
you're my sister.

I just told her to say
that to gross you out. Burn!

Yeah, you got me.

Besides, I happen to know that
she does wear underwear.

Sometimes she lets me take 'em
off for her. Boomerang burn!

Oh,

I feel terrible.

I think it's the flu.

Okay, now is this the real flu or
the martini & rossiasti spumante?

Now I'm gonna miss Tom Jones this afternoon,
and I wanted his autograph so badly.

- Red, I was thinking maybe...
- No.

You know, if you were sick, and
Joe Dimaggio was signing footballs,

I'd get an autograph for you.

Mom, Joe Dimaggio played baseball.

that'd be like me saying
G. I. Joe has a karate grip.

What a nerd I'd be.

Hey, Fez, I need your advice.

You should show more leg.

No, I'm serious.

Look, I still love Steven,
and I want him back.

Everything reminds me of him.

Every time I walk past a pile of
dirty laundry, I start crying.

Well, then you should go to
him and tell him how you feel.

I cannot go up to Steven and pour my heart out
to him if I'm not sure he feels the same way.

I couldn't take
the rejection.

Oh, please, I've been
rejected a million times.

And trust me, after
the first hundred or so,

they don't sting
no more, baby.

I wouldn't even know
what to say.

Okay, let's role-play. Pretend I'm Hyde, and
then say everything you want to say to him to me.

Really?

Okay.

Steven, I love you,
and I want you back.

I never thought I would
hear those words, my darling.

Ew!

I'm sorry. I got a little
carried away.

I'll be serious this
time, I promise.

Okay.

I love you, and all I
want is for us to be together.

Oh, get off me, weirdo!

I'm the weirdo? You're the one saying,"I
love you," smack! "I love you," smack!

You little tease!

So

you see, Mr. Randall, I don't think
it's necessary for me to wear a bikini.

I mean,

what is sexier than a
little bit of mystery?

Well, according to my
research, naked boobies.

All right, look, ratings are down,
and I think this could really help.

Well, I'm not gonna strip for
a radio advertisement.

It's demeaning.

I'll do it.

You will?

Yeah, of course she'll do it.
This whole billboard was her idea.

What?

Unlike some people, I
care about this radio station.

Plus, I just love wearing a bikini.

When I put one on, I
jiggle just like jelly.

Well, she jiggles just like two
perfectly filled water balloons,

but I'm afraid you'll never
get to see them or touch them

or make a motorboat sound with
your mouth between them,

because she is a lady!

Sarah, you knew that
I would never do this.

You were just trying
to make me look bad.

And it's working.

You're fired.

Wait, you're firing
me because I won't strip?

No, no, you know what?

I'm a gentleman, and I normally
don't use this kind of language.

But, Mr. Randall, you are
one sixing, sevening monkey-fiver.

You think your one don't stink?
Well, three off, you threeing three!

Ladies, ladies,

I realize Tom Jones is late, and
I have an announcement to make.

Shut up!

Holy crap!

It's like a water Buffalo Convention.

I'm not waiting two hours for
a lousy autograph. Excuse me,

excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry,
watch your feet. Excuse me,

excuse me. Excuse me there, buddy.

Hey, no cutsies.

Oh, hell, I don't need Tom Jones.

I'll sign the damn
album myself. Excuse me.

Who pinched my behind?

Bonnie!

Your husband hasn't
even been dead two months!

I am freakin' pissed.

Sarah puts on a bikini and
whammo, she gets me fired?

That little bimbo set this whole
thing up, and I am freakin' pissed!

See what happens when you try to
skate through life using your brain?

For the millionth time, people,
it's all about the looks!

Well,

I refuse to trade on my good
looks to achieve success.

Eric Forman
don't play that game.

Well, I'm not gonna let
her get away with this.

I need to think of
a way to get even.

All right, you need to
do something brilliant

that's subtle
but clever.

Hit her in the face with
a wiffle ball bat.

Um,

I don't think that's
exactly what I'm looking for.

Okay, then, well, you've obviously never
been hit in the face with a wiffle ball bat.

Wait a second.

Sarah's gonna be broadcasting live
from the record store, right?

Yeah.

Okay, then I got
an awesome idea.

Well, if it's hitting her in the face with
a wiffle ball bat, you stole that from me.

Here it is, Kitty... a
signed Tom Jones album.

Oh,

Oh, thank you!

Oh, I hope he wasn't upset I
couldn't be there myself.

Did you tell him
I had the flu?

Didn't come up.

Well, what did you
talk about?

Fishing.

Tom Jones fishes?

Yeah, it's surprising, I know.

I'm so surprised

that I'm gonna go
upstairs and take a nap.

This is Sizzling Sarah at
grooves record store,

coming at you live
without a bra.

And up next,
some music from...

a band.

- That's great.
- Okay!

I was thinking now would be a
good time to put a bikini on.

Fortunately, I keep a
box of 'em in my car.

Tom is two hours late.

These women are gonna rip
this place apart.

We've gotta think of
some way to distract them.

What do you want me to
do, throw a ham at them?

All right, all right,

you should throw me at'em.

I'll give these ladies
what they're not getting at home.

Okay,

there's Hyde.

Go and tell him
you want him back.

I can't.

I mean, if I knew he loved me, I'd
be happy to put myself out there.

But I don't, and if he doesn't,
I'll just feel so stupid.

Okay,

just go to him and say, "Steven,
I want to talk about us."

And if he wants to talk,
then he wants you back.

But if he blows you off,
then you tested the water,

and the water, well, the
water doesn't love you.

All right, here I go.

Hey, um, Steven,
can we talk about us?

Us? Who has time
to talk about us?

Oh, lady, you're not at home!
Put your shoes back on!

He didn't even want
to talk to me.

Am I so disgusting?

Apparently to him.

Eric, are you sure
this is gonna work?

Donna, let's just say when we're
done with Sizzling Sarah,

her new nickname's gonna be "Crying,
No-job, Street Prostitute Sarah".

Hi, Sarah.

Hi, um, I just wanted to thank
you for getting me fired.

I realize now that my feminist
ideals are just a bunch of hooey,

and I should use my brains
less and my body more.

Yeah, I don't know why women are
given brains in the first place.

Anyway, um,

Mr. Randall felt bad for me, so
he hired me back as an intern,

and he wants you to play
this after the commercial,

track six.

You know, Donna,

you and I are a lot alike,

well, except I'm on the
radio, and you're not.

Steven,

Tom Jones is stuck in a
snowstorm. He's not coming.

These women will riot!

Yeah, when middle-aged women get
mad, they get super pissed.

'Cause they got nothing to
lose. They're almost dead.

Which is why we should have
somebody else break the news.

Hey, Fez, you want
to meet some ladies?

Yeah!

Okay, I've just been
handed a hot new record,

so here's George Carlin with "the seven dirty
words you can't say on television or radio."

Huh,

it seems like I almost shouldn't play it.

Oh, well!

Eric, thank you so much.
That was a great idea.

You're welcome.

Now let's go home and

five all night.

So, Steven, how was Tom Jones?

Who knows? He
never even...

...wanted to leave.

Yeah,

Tom loves his fans.

I was just telling Kitty how I had to
chase down his limo to get her an autograph.

Mrs. Forman,

it was fantastic.

You should have seen Red running after
Tom's limo, screaming like a little girl.

- "Tom, Tom!"
- All right, all right!

That's enough bragging.

Well, and that is why I
am making this meatball hero

for my meaty hero
of a husband.

Hiya, Red.

You were smart
not to stick around.

I waited five hours. Tom
Jones never showed up.

Never showed up?

If Tom Jones never showed up,
who signed this autograph?

I can't lie to you.

It was Julio Iglesias.

Those women at the record store flipped
when they heard the seven dirty words,

especially word number four.
They do not like word number four.

It was awesome, man.
Sarah got fired.

The station manager got in trouble, and
Donna got her job back. I'm telling you,

if I weren't unemployed
and living with my mommy,

I'd be wickedly cool.

Well, if you'd have hit somebody
in the face with a wiffle ball bat,

this would have been
over hours ago.

Okay, not only did I get my
job back, but I had conditions.

I told Mr. Randall I'd be fully
clothed at all times, and he said okay.

I told him to stop demeaning
women, and he said okay.

And I told him to respect me for my mind and
my ideas and not my looks, and he said okay.

So do you want people to
stop calling you "Hot Donna"?

No, that makes me
feel pretty.

Donna, you whore!
You got me fired!

Wait, you're the one
who got me fired first.

Well,

I am so mad,

I'm gonna make out with Fez!

Well, if you're gonna make
out with Fez, then so am I!

No, sleep, damn you, sleep!