That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 3, Episode 2 - Red Sees Red - full transcript
Now Eric has stupidly betrayed himself, Red never smelled incense but weed, the veteran turns himself into a sadistic prison guard, determined to make his life safe but miserable. Even Laurie's mean fun soon ceases when the curfew applies to her too, and after a failed escape attempt Eric's basement bunch is banned from the house too, particularly disastrous for Eric and Kelso's love-life. Kitty is their last hope...
- I had a great time on our date tonight.
- Yeah.
When do you think Red's gonna
give you back the keys to the Cruiser?
You know,
so we could actually...
leave the property?
I don't know. Maybe never.
In fact, you're my only contact
with the outside world now, Donna.
Do... people still laugh out there?
I miss the laughter.
Well, Eric,
it's your own stupid fault.
I mean, before you opened your big mouth, Red
actually believed that smell was incense.
Yeah, I know. It's just...
He was gonna kick Hyde out,
and I wanted to help, and...
Oh, helping never helps.
Eric, let's not waste time
talkin' about this.
How long to the curfew?
Uh, about one minute.
Now, Donna,
I'm not bragging, but...
if you're properly motivated, I can
actually do it in that amount of time.
You don't have to tell me.
Okay, so...
Buckle up, Donna, 'cause the next...
12 seconds are all about you, babe.
Five, four...
- three, two, one.
- No, wait. But I... Damn.
Curfew, hophead.
Geez, I wish I had a quarter...
for every time I caught you
makin' out with the neighbor girl.
I wish I had a quarter for
every time you embarrassed me.
I wish you did too, 'cause
then you'd be a millionaire...
and you could find
someplace else to live.
What? And... leave all this?
Okay, fellas. Who wants brownies
and a nice glass of milk?
Oh, geez.
Daddy, I think it's great
you gave Eric and Hyde a curfew.
These boys, they need structure.
Well, I'll see ya.
Where do you think you're going?
To... night church?
Sorry, honey.
Curfew's for everyone.
But, Daddy, it's me!
Look, what they did is bad...
but you sneakin' around with Kelso,
that's just... unpleasant.
But, Daddy,
I'm not seeing Kelso.
- Untrue!
- A damnable lie!
A curfew?
I'm stuck in this house
with you people all night? This sucks!
Well, we're just
thrilled about it.
All right. There's an upside to all this.
I took her down with me.
- Nice job.
- Thanks.
Well, isn't this a happy house?
Yeah.
This is not a happy house.
Well, you just said
this was a happy house.
Well, that's not what I meant.
It was sarcasm.
Who the hell knows what you mean,
when you won't say what you mean?
I don't like how you're
treating the children.
Look, Kitty.
I'm not gonna let our kids
go down the wrong path.
- But if you have a better idea, I'm all ears.
- Okay.
Maybe you could be a little less strict
and a little more loving.
Okay, Kitty.
Enough with the sarcasm.
Stop looking at me.
Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Please look at me. Hey! Psst.
I love you, Steven.
I have secret love powers.
Look at me!
Hmm. I have 29 teeth.
No, that can't be right.
One, two, three...
Jackie's in love with Hyde,
and I have nothing.
Oh, look. I found an M&M.
Oh, no.
My life sucks.
Okay, I really hope
no one smelled that.
All right!
I'm the best-looking person in this room.
No. In this whole town.
No! No, in this whole state.
No.
Dumb-asses.
So, how's it going?
Real good.
The foreign kid just
ate somethin' off the floor.
Okay, well, um...
Your father's gonna drive me to work.
That's right. And if you do
anything wrong, I'll know...
because one of you is a snitch.
You just think about that
while I'm gone.
Well, they're not gonna do
anything wrong...
because I brought a box of activities
to occupy their time.
So, um... Be good and have fun.
Do crafts, not drugs!
Ooh, a model airplane and glue.
Where's Steven and Eric?
Um... Your hair is very pretty.
Oh, they can't leave the house.
They're grounded.
Oh, don't worry about them.
They're at The Hub.
Oh, no. I am the snitch.
Oh, Red is gonna be furious.
Mrs. Forman, may I tell you
a little story about oppression?
Okay.
Once I had an ant farm.
And they would not
build their tunnels.
I was furious, so I became
very strict and stern with my ants.
First they feared me,
and everything was fine...
but eventually the ants
broke out and attacked me.
So I had to kill them.
So, um, you think we're being
too hard on the kids?
Well, I don't know about that.
I just wanted to let you know that
I'm really sad because my ants are dead.
Okay. Well, Fez, thanks.
You're a good boy.
All the ladies want a piece of Fez.
What are you doing?
Oh, just a little
security measure...
in case anybody tries to escape.
Red, no. Those are my Christmas bells.
Those are happy bells.
Well, then they're
doing their job...
because I'm happy.
Let's have some cake.
Okay. And let's watch some TV,
because that makes us all happy.
Okay, here we go.
The Brady Bunch Variety Hour is on.
Oh, who the hell gave those
people an entire hour?
Well, I think this program
is fun for the whole family.
They've got... They've got Charo and...
and the rock band KISS.
Okay, see? Now, this is nice.
A nice family who gets along
and sings and dances.
Yeah, I love the Bradys.
Oh, remember that episode
where Mr. Brady went completely insane...
and put bells on all the doors?
Hey, did you see the one
where Greg was a real wiseass...
and Mr. Brady took him outside
and cleaned his clock?
Did you ever see the one
where I hated living here?
That one's my favorite.
Well, I hope you're happy,
because now you've upset your sister.
Oh... You know what?
Forget it, Dad.
Enjoy yourself.
Get your shots in now.
Because when I'm gone,
oh, I'm gonna be long gone.
I got no place to go, so...
I'm gonna stay here.
But the tension's nice.
Reminds me of home.
Finally.
Now I can enjoy
the show in peace.
Oh, this show is crap.
- Feel funky
- Whoo!
- Feel good
- Whoo!
Gonna tell you
I'm in the neighborhood
Gonna fly
like a bird on the wing
Hold on to your hat, honey
Sing, sing, sing, sing
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
Yeah
Thank you. Thank you.
And welcome to
The Forman Bunch Variety Hour.
And, boy, do we have
a great show for you tonight.
Sorry, Mom.
We can't stay for the show.
No!
Why not?
Living at home is unbearable,
so we've decided to... run away.
- No!
- Yea!
So, thanks for everything,
Mrs. F.
Well, you boys can't run away.
Who's gonna do the square dance
with Shields and Yarnell?
Well, let Laurie do it.
She's been makin' out with Shields all day.
That's a lie!
Well, when will I see you again?
Don't worry, Kitty.
I'll take care of them.
Ladies and gentlemen,
star of stage and screen, Shirley Jones.
Hi, Mom.
- Mom?
- That's right, Kitty.
- We're Partridges now.
- This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure
I can nail Susan Dey.
No. Partridges?
You can't live in a bus.
There's no toilet.
Well, it may be inconvenient, Kitty, but
we do get to spend a lot of time together.
That's right. Mrs. Partridge quit her job
to form a family band.
Yep. It's all a matter
of choices, Kitty.
I guess you just
chose to be a bad mother.
Hey, Shirley. Can I come?
I play the tambourine.
Oh, I'm sorry, Laurie.
No whores on my show.
Oh, fine. Hey, Shields. Wait up!
Aaah! Cuchi-cuchi-cuchi!
- Whoa, whoa...
- Can it, Charo.
Yeah!
Well, I am not gonna
let that happen.
Oh, no. This is crap.
Oh, no. Honey.
Yep. He thought
he could sneak out.
So. What now, Ho Chi Minh?
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
Playtime is over.
Your friends are no longer
allowed in the house.
- Wait. What?
- No, no. We'll talk about it in the morning.
Fine, we'll talk about it
in the morning.
We'll talk about how your friends
are no longer allowed in the house.
You know,
I have an interesting idea.
Why don't we not punish him?
Why don't we try a little of that forgiveness
that Jesus was always talking about?
No, no.
This is for his own good.
Look, in order for Eric to be
a happy, well-adjusted adult...
he has to be miserable now.
That's just good parenting.
If I was to be
Mr. Nice Guy now...
do you know what would happen
to Eric in a few years?
Do you?
Oh, Eric. Breakfast.
Well, there's
my sweet little baby boy.
Why oh why
didn't I discipline you?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes.
That's what.
Never surrender, Kitty.
Never retreat. We're winning.
The fact that Eric was desperate enough
to climb out his window...
shows that
everything is working.
Surprise.
This is so great.
I didn't... know you delivered.
Bed check, dumb-ass.
Holy crap.
No, it is not a bed check.
We just wanna say good night...
and... and we love you very, very much.
What are you doing?
Oh, just nailing
his window shut.
- For his own good.
- What if there's a fire?
Well, then I guess you can just
light your dope with it, dopehead.
Donna!
- Get out.
- Whoa. Not so fast, Laurie.
Oh. Ow! Ow!
You idiot!
Red's doing bed checks.
Bed check.
And bless Mommy
and bless Daddy...
and bless Grandma...
Oh. Hi, Daddy.
Sorry to bother you, kitten.
Kelso, get your hand off my ass.
- It was an accident.
- Shh!
- It's still there.
- It's still an accident.
- Kelso, it's still there!
- Yeah.
You know, Steven...
this hatred thing you have for me
is just you protecting yourself.
- Okay.
- It's true.
You're afraid to reach
the peaks of love...
for fear of
being dropped off a cliff.
Well, I'm your
safety line, Steven.
So grab me.
Go grab yourself, freak.
Okay, bed check. Here we come.
- Get out!
- Kitty, you're warning him.
I'm not warning anybody. Getting closer!
Okay, um...
We just... We wanted to say good night...
And, um,
that you're a good boy...
and even though you do some things
that we don't like, we still love you.
And I'm watching you.
And I'm cherishing you.
Oh, no, Jackie. They're still out there.
What was that?
Oh, and they want our pants.
You hear that?
I don't hear anything.
That's right. Nothing.
That's the sound of discipline.
No, that's the sound of jail.
This house used to be fun,
until you made it miserable.
Well, I'm sorry, Kitty,
but I think it's working.
- Oh, you do?
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, you do?
- I just said I did.
Red.
Oh! Hell's bells!
It's Red! Run for it!
Freeze!
Daddy, thank God you came.
They were kidnapping me!
Oh, shut up. That's it.
I have had it.
You know what this means?
More discipline.
- No. No.
- Oh, yes. Playtime is over.
Oh, stop saying that.
Your cracking down
is not working.
Hell, I could've
told him that a week ago.
Now is not the time
to be a porky mouth.
Red, I want my house back.
- I once had an ant farm...
- Oh, honey, no. Not now.
Okay. Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
You are going to remember
that he's a good son...
and you are going to remember
that he's a good father...
because I am not happy
with the way this house is running.
- Now you see what you've done? You've made your mother unhappy.
- No, he didn't.
I'm not happy with everything.
I'm not... I'm not happy
with windows being nailed shut...
and I'm not... I'm not happy
with people sneaking around...
and... and I'm not happy with
my Christmas bells on the front door.
Well, Kitty, what do you want me to do?
Pretend that nothing happened?
Yes.
- No.
- Fine.
Then... Then that's it.
Then I'm staying home.
I'm staying home full-time,
and I am...
I am taking back my house,
and that's the way it is.
Now, you get upstairs and take
those nails out of the windows...
and you stop being such
a sneaky smart mouth...
and you... Honey, you've gotta
stop eating stuff off the floor.
Now, everyone, let's just...
Let's go back to happy.
So, I guess... playtime is over.
I'm sorry, I...
I don't remember growing older
When did they
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Sunrise
- Sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears
Give it to me one more time, cuchi!
- Yeah.
When do you think Red's gonna
give you back the keys to the Cruiser?
You know,
so we could actually...
leave the property?
I don't know. Maybe never.
In fact, you're my only contact
with the outside world now, Donna.
Do... people still laugh out there?
I miss the laughter.
Well, Eric,
it's your own stupid fault.
I mean, before you opened your big mouth, Red
actually believed that smell was incense.
Yeah, I know. It's just...
He was gonna kick Hyde out,
and I wanted to help, and...
Oh, helping never helps.
Eric, let's not waste time
talkin' about this.
How long to the curfew?
Uh, about one minute.
Now, Donna,
I'm not bragging, but...
if you're properly motivated, I can
actually do it in that amount of time.
You don't have to tell me.
Okay, so...
Buckle up, Donna, 'cause the next...
12 seconds are all about you, babe.
Five, four...
- three, two, one.
- No, wait. But I... Damn.
Curfew, hophead.
Geez, I wish I had a quarter...
for every time I caught you
makin' out with the neighbor girl.
I wish I had a quarter for
every time you embarrassed me.
I wish you did too, 'cause
then you'd be a millionaire...
and you could find
someplace else to live.
What? And... leave all this?
Okay, fellas. Who wants brownies
and a nice glass of milk?
Oh, geez.
Daddy, I think it's great
you gave Eric and Hyde a curfew.
These boys, they need structure.
Well, I'll see ya.
Where do you think you're going?
To... night church?
Sorry, honey.
Curfew's for everyone.
But, Daddy, it's me!
Look, what they did is bad...
but you sneakin' around with Kelso,
that's just... unpleasant.
But, Daddy,
I'm not seeing Kelso.
- Untrue!
- A damnable lie!
A curfew?
I'm stuck in this house
with you people all night? This sucks!
Well, we're just
thrilled about it.
All right. There's an upside to all this.
I took her down with me.
- Nice job.
- Thanks.
Well, isn't this a happy house?
Yeah.
This is not a happy house.
Well, you just said
this was a happy house.
Well, that's not what I meant.
It was sarcasm.
Who the hell knows what you mean,
when you won't say what you mean?
I don't like how you're
treating the children.
Look, Kitty.
I'm not gonna let our kids
go down the wrong path.
- But if you have a better idea, I'm all ears.
- Okay.
Maybe you could be a little less strict
and a little more loving.
Okay, Kitty.
Enough with the sarcasm.
Stop looking at me.
Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Please look at me. Hey! Psst.
I love you, Steven.
I have secret love powers.
Look at me!
Hmm. I have 29 teeth.
No, that can't be right.
One, two, three...
Jackie's in love with Hyde,
and I have nothing.
Oh, look. I found an M&M.
Oh, no.
My life sucks.
Okay, I really hope
no one smelled that.
All right!
I'm the best-looking person in this room.
No. In this whole town.
No! No, in this whole state.
No.
Dumb-asses.
So, how's it going?
Real good.
The foreign kid just
ate somethin' off the floor.
Okay, well, um...
Your father's gonna drive me to work.
That's right. And if you do
anything wrong, I'll know...
because one of you is a snitch.
You just think about that
while I'm gone.
Well, they're not gonna do
anything wrong...
because I brought a box of activities
to occupy their time.
So, um... Be good and have fun.
Do crafts, not drugs!
Ooh, a model airplane and glue.
Where's Steven and Eric?
Um... Your hair is very pretty.
Oh, they can't leave the house.
They're grounded.
Oh, don't worry about them.
They're at The Hub.
Oh, no. I am the snitch.
Oh, Red is gonna be furious.
Mrs. Forman, may I tell you
a little story about oppression?
Okay.
Once I had an ant farm.
And they would not
build their tunnels.
I was furious, so I became
very strict and stern with my ants.
First they feared me,
and everything was fine...
but eventually the ants
broke out and attacked me.
So I had to kill them.
So, um, you think we're being
too hard on the kids?
Well, I don't know about that.
I just wanted to let you know that
I'm really sad because my ants are dead.
Okay. Well, Fez, thanks.
You're a good boy.
All the ladies want a piece of Fez.
What are you doing?
Oh, just a little
security measure...
in case anybody tries to escape.
Red, no. Those are my Christmas bells.
Those are happy bells.
Well, then they're
doing their job...
because I'm happy.
Let's have some cake.
Okay. And let's watch some TV,
because that makes us all happy.
Okay, here we go.
The Brady Bunch Variety Hour is on.
Oh, who the hell gave those
people an entire hour?
Well, I think this program
is fun for the whole family.
They've got... They've got Charo and...
and the rock band KISS.
Okay, see? Now, this is nice.
A nice family who gets along
and sings and dances.
Yeah, I love the Bradys.
Oh, remember that episode
where Mr. Brady went completely insane...
and put bells on all the doors?
Hey, did you see the one
where Greg was a real wiseass...
and Mr. Brady took him outside
and cleaned his clock?
Did you ever see the one
where I hated living here?
That one's my favorite.
Well, I hope you're happy,
because now you've upset your sister.
Oh... You know what?
Forget it, Dad.
Enjoy yourself.
Get your shots in now.
Because when I'm gone,
oh, I'm gonna be long gone.
I got no place to go, so...
I'm gonna stay here.
But the tension's nice.
Reminds me of home.
Finally.
Now I can enjoy
the show in peace.
Oh, this show is crap.
- Feel funky
- Whoo!
- Feel good
- Whoo!
Gonna tell you
I'm in the neighborhood
Gonna fly
like a bird on the wing
Hold on to your hat, honey
Sing, sing, sing, sing
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
I got the music in me
Yeah
Thank you. Thank you.
And welcome to
The Forman Bunch Variety Hour.
And, boy, do we have
a great show for you tonight.
Sorry, Mom.
We can't stay for the show.
No!
Why not?
Living at home is unbearable,
so we've decided to... run away.
- No!
- Yea!
So, thanks for everything,
Mrs. F.
Well, you boys can't run away.
Who's gonna do the square dance
with Shields and Yarnell?
Well, let Laurie do it.
She's been makin' out with Shields all day.
That's a lie!
Well, when will I see you again?
Don't worry, Kitty.
I'll take care of them.
Ladies and gentlemen,
star of stage and screen, Shirley Jones.
Hi, Mom.
- Mom?
- That's right, Kitty.
- We're Partridges now.
- This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure
I can nail Susan Dey.
No. Partridges?
You can't live in a bus.
There's no toilet.
Well, it may be inconvenient, Kitty, but
we do get to spend a lot of time together.
That's right. Mrs. Partridge quit her job
to form a family band.
Yep. It's all a matter
of choices, Kitty.
I guess you just
chose to be a bad mother.
Hey, Shirley. Can I come?
I play the tambourine.
Oh, I'm sorry, Laurie.
No whores on my show.
Oh, fine. Hey, Shields. Wait up!
Aaah! Cuchi-cuchi-cuchi!
- Whoa, whoa...
- Can it, Charo.
Yeah!
Well, I am not gonna
let that happen.
Oh, no. This is crap.
Oh, no. Honey.
Yep. He thought
he could sneak out.
So. What now, Ho Chi Minh?
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
Playtime is over.
Your friends are no longer
allowed in the house.
- Wait. What?
- No, no. We'll talk about it in the morning.
Fine, we'll talk about it
in the morning.
We'll talk about how your friends
are no longer allowed in the house.
You know,
I have an interesting idea.
Why don't we not punish him?
Why don't we try a little of that forgiveness
that Jesus was always talking about?
No, no.
This is for his own good.
Look, in order for Eric to be
a happy, well-adjusted adult...
he has to be miserable now.
That's just good parenting.
If I was to be
Mr. Nice Guy now...
do you know what would happen
to Eric in a few years?
Do you?
Oh, Eric. Breakfast.
Well, there's
my sweet little baby boy.
Why oh why
didn't I discipline you?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes.
That's what.
Never surrender, Kitty.
Never retreat. We're winning.
The fact that Eric was desperate enough
to climb out his window...
shows that
everything is working.
Surprise.
This is so great.
I didn't... know you delivered.
Bed check, dumb-ass.
Holy crap.
No, it is not a bed check.
We just wanna say good night...
and... and we love you very, very much.
What are you doing?
Oh, just nailing
his window shut.
- For his own good.
- What if there's a fire?
Well, then I guess you can just
light your dope with it, dopehead.
Donna!
- Get out.
- Whoa. Not so fast, Laurie.
Oh. Ow! Ow!
You idiot!
Red's doing bed checks.
Bed check.
And bless Mommy
and bless Daddy...
and bless Grandma...
Oh. Hi, Daddy.
Sorry to bother you, kitten.
Kelso, get your hand off my ass.
- It was an accident.
- Shh!
- It's still there.
- It's still an accident.
- Kelso, it's still there!
- Yeah.
You know, Steven...
this hatred thing you have for me
is just you protecting yourself.
- Okay.
- It's true.
You're afraid to reach
the peaks of love...
for fear of
being dropped off a cliff.
Well, I'm your
safety line, Steven.
So grab me.
Go grab yourself, freak.
Okay, bed check. Here we come.
- Get out!
- Kitty, you're warning him.
I'm not warning anybody. Getting closer!
Okay, um...
We just... We wanted to say good night...
And, um,
that you're a good boy...
and even though you do some things
that we don't like, we still love you.
And I'm watching you.
And I'm cherishing you.
Oh, no, Jackie. They're still out there.
What was that?
Oh, and they want our pants.
You hear that?
I don't hear anything.
That's right. Nothing.
That's the sound of discipline.
No, that's the sound of jail.
This house used to be fun,
until you made it miserable.
Well, I'm sorry, Kitty,
but I think it's working.
- Oh, you do?
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, you do?
- I just said I did.
Red.
Oh! Hell's bells!
It's Red! Run for it!
Freeze!
Daddy, thank God you came.
They were kidnapping me!
Oh, shut up. That's it.
I have had it.
You know what this means?
More discipline.
- No. No.
- Oh, yes. Playtime is over.
Oh, stop saying that.
Your cracking down
is not working.
Hell, I could've
told him that a week ago.
Now is not the time
to be a porky mouth.
Red, I want my house back.
- I once had an ant farm...
- Oh, honey, no. Not now.
Okay. Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
You are going to remember
that he's a good son...
and you are going to remember
that he's a good father...
because I am not happy
with the way this house is running.
- Now you see what you've done? You've made your mother unhappy.
- No, he didn't.
I'm not happy with everything.
I'm not... I'm not happy
with windows being nailed shut...
and I'm not... I'm not happy
with people sneaking around...
and... and I'm not happy with
my Christmas bells on the front door.
Well, Kitty, what do you want me to do?
Pretend that nothing happened?
Yes.
- No.
- Fine.
Then... Then that's it.
Then I'm staying home.
I'm staying home full-time,
and I am...
I am taking back my house,
and that's the way it is.
Now, you get upstairs and take
those nails out of the windows...
and you stop being such
a sneaky smart mouth...
and you... Honey, you've gotta
stop eating stuff off the floor.
Now, everyone, let's just...
Let's go back to happy.
So, I guess... playtime is over.
I'm sorry, I...
I don't remember growing older
When did they
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Sunrise
- Sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears
Give it to me one more time, cuchi!