Tenspeed and Brown Shoe (1980): Season 1, Episode 4 - Savage Says: There's No Free Lunch - full transcript
Lionel falls in love with a female client, who has hired him to find who is trying to kill her. Meanwhile, E.L. tries to duck a former partner from his past.
I'm Chief Examiner Ford Hawker and
this is my tabulator, Mike Greenberg.
I wanna tell you about Avon.
She said I should call her Avon.
I haven't met anybody like her.
She is spectacular.
Let me get the smell of bug spray
out of this coat.
- Do I have anything in my teeth?
- You look fine.
Your past is gonna catch up with you,
and I just don't wanna be around
when it does.
I'm the boy's daddy.
I have a black belt in karate.
We are gonna kill him with laughter.
"The two cops blew down the door
of my Hollywood office,
kicked it off its hinges
and came in fast and dangerous.
The big one had a face like a blueberry
pie that exploded in the oven.
His partner was thin and wasted
with the wide-eyed, angry look
of a stomped mackerel.
They had their gats out and they knew
what they were looking for.
"On your feet, Savage," Blueberry
wheezed through store-bought teeth.
I lumbered up out of my old
leather chair and stood teetering,
like the last guest
at a three-day drunk.
"You guys got tins or do you just
bust down doors for a living?"
I was trying to sound tough,
but my words fell
like a kitten from a high tree.
Blueberry flashed his buzzer
and motioned to his partner
to turn over my old leather sofa.
They ripped out the webbing and in
seconds, pulled out a cellophane bag.
Blueberry spun me around
and slammed me against the wall.
"Dealing dope now, Seamus?",
he growled,
How do you talk to morons?
It was such an obvious plant,
somebody should have watered it.
Then suddenly I knew
that Veronica had to be dead.
And the grief swept over me
like cold air off a frozen lake.
Grief that hovered like a hawk
in a headwind.
An then, in a shriek of pain
it turned to rage.
Murderous, defiant, savage rage,
I pushed off the wall and took Blueberry
with an elbow in his store-bought ivory.
The stomped mackerel was caught sleeping
and I gave him a two-second nose job.
He fell backwards, clutching his busted
beak and then I ran,
screaming like the man in the dream
with no clothes on.
I ran in slow motion out of my office
and down the road.
Veronica's words came back to me.
A 78 played at the wrong speed -
"They're trying to kill me".
She chanted and chanted and chanted.
I was running and screaming and
clutching an empty place in my chest,
a place where two minutes before
my heart used to be."
You wanna move it, buddy?
There's no parking on the street.
- What?
- This road is too narrow to park.
That is unless you've got some business.
I had an appointment
but my partner hasn't shown, he's late.
- Who're you meeting?
- I'm afraid that's confidential.
It just got un-confidential.
Where are you going? I can talk to you
here, this is a public thoroughfare.
I'm really within my rights here.
What are you doing?
I'm doing this because
I don't like guys in green Triumphs.
It's a lifelong thing for me.
Come on out, honey!
Let's see what you've got
in your pockets.
Since you insist, I might as well tell
you my name is Lionel Whitney...
Lionel Whitney, private dick.
What kind of dirt are you trying to
scrape off my sidewalk?
I want you to know
that I'm not intimidated by you.
I want you to know
that I have a black belt in...
Are you beginning to be intimidated?
Am I finally getting through
to your hard-boiled soul?
One more time.
What are you doing parked here?
Under the circumstances it might be okay
to I'm here to meet with Miss Madison.
She made the appointment,
she lives right there.
Come on!
Vony!
- Hey, Vony!
- Here!
There's some guy down here
says he's supposed to meet you.
- Lionel Whitney.
- Hi.
I'm just finishing my exercises.
Show him to the library, please.
And, Tony, will you please take
the vines off the garage roof?
Steven will be here on Friday.
Yes, sure. A deal's a deal.
Come on.
- The library is down there.
- You've been too kind.
Sorry about the tap, pal.
Make yourself comfortable.
- I'm afraid he's not very friendly.
- Not very friendly?
He took a swing at me.
I was about to use my karate.
On that poor little bird?
No, I'm talking about your friend,
the guy with the track shorts on.
I'm Avon Madison.
I wouldn't classify Tony as a friend.
He's taking his Masters
in Thermal chemistry at UCLA.
I'm letting him live
in the pool house this summer.
He does odd jobs to pay for his rent.
I'm afraid the whole arrangement
was a mistake.
Thermal chemistry, Miss Madison.
I hate to appear sceptical,
but I'll be willing to bet
that he doesn't know
a valence chart
from six ounces of cream cheese.
Where is Mr Turner?
When I spoke to him today,
he said he'd be with you.
I don't know where he is.
I don't know where he could possibly be.
The dude is slippery,
he always was. Now find him!
Kensington's in the sled,
going down the alley with Scottie.
No, he's got to be here, somewhere.
Now, it's a big place. Fan out.
I don't know where to begin.
I think, maybe the beginning,
try beginning with the beginning.
Maybe we'll get the whole thing.
From the beginning, then.
- They're trying to kill me.
- Kill you? Who?
Just saying it
makes me feel foolish.
But yesterday I got a message
asking me to go to my office early.
When I got out my car in the garage
somebody tried to run me down.
- What kind of car was it?
- I don't know, it was just there.
I used to be a dancer and I move well,
so I managed to get out of the way.
Is that important?
I'm sorry, what?
You were looking at me so strangely...
No, just thinking,
private detectives do that sometimes,
to try and get the drift, as it were,
play the scene over in their minds,
trying to get the flavour, the nuance.
Mr Whitney, I might as well confess,
I'm frightened.
I mean, I'm from Kansas,
and except for David...
I mean...
I sort of kept to myself
these last two years, since my divorce.
And now, somebody is trying to...
I think it's one of the executives
from the ad agency where I work.
I'm trying to be rational about this.
- Please, please.
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Oh, Miss Madison, please, don't cry.
I'm here and, well, I'll...
I won't let anything happen to you,
that's what being
a private detective is all about.
I'm sorry.
It just seems my emotions are all
out of control these last few months.
I seem to cry at the drop of a...
A hat?
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
In the housewares department
all items are marked down one third.
Miss Madison, what makes you suspect
one of the executives?
Well...
You need a punch card
to get your car into that part
of the underground garage,
only executives park there.
- You mentioned somebody named David.
- It couldn't be David.
It just couldn't.
I mean, he and I...
Is he an executive?
Yes...
He is... Senior Executive
Vice President.
David McPherson.
But he was married and it was wrong.
He has children.
I just couldn't keep it up.
And I...
You broke it off to save his marriage.
You make me sound so noble.
It wasn't noble.
The whole affair was cheap and vulgar.
I felt like a tramp.
But you're not a tramp,
how can you say that?
You're wonderful and gentle
and I think what you did was terrific,
Miss Madison,
really terrific.
You're very nice, do you know that?
I wish you'd call me Avon.
I'd like that, I really would.
I'm Jed McClintock.
Yes, sir, what is it?
I don't be seeing too good these days,
you know?
And I seem to have lost my boy,
he was with me just a while back.
I was wondering maybe
you could page him on the telephone,
maybe I can speak to the man.
We were going to go home together
on the bus.
My phlebitis started giving me pain.
I'm afraid he may go on without me,
is what I'm afraid of.
- What's his name?
- Skeeter.
Skeeter McClintock.
I'm the boy's daddy.
Could you page Skeeter McClintock?
Yes, yes.
Just hold the line.
If he answers...
Oh, I know he is around,
He has some place.
- Yeah, who is it?
- Skeets?
- How are you doing, man?
- I'm gonna bust your butt, Turner.
Hey, look, man.
You're mad, I can get behind that.
But that scam was six years ago
and I had six Georgia cops on my tail,
I had to split with the loot, man.
Maybe you and I can work out a deal.
You got a pencil?
Yeah, man. Shoot.
Write this down. No deal.
That's D-E-A-L.
And right under that write "dead".
You're dead.
D-E-A-D.
Hey, Skeets, you're gonna choke up
on all that negativity, man.
You've got to go with life's flow,
you've got to take life's U-turns,
with one foot on a break...
Hello, Skeets?
To get back to the cases,
is there anybody else
who might want you dead, Miss Madison?
I didn't say David did.
He wouldn't, he just couldn't.
You broke it off, he was jealous.
Perhaps in a rage, he tried to kill you.
All my life I've picked the wrong men.
They've used me and left me.
I mean, look at Tony.
I thought he was so nice
when he answered my ad...
Now, all he does is help himself
to my refrigerator and lift weights
and look at me like I had no clothes on.
He frightens me.
Last week, I tried to ask him to leave.
He won't go.
I don't know, Mr Whitney...
It's just getting so confusing.
- Can you help me?
- Of course I can.
I am, as the saying goes, on the case,
Miss Madison, I'll get started today.
You know, you are very, very beautiful.
I mean, underneath where it counts,
and I promise...
I won't let anything happen to you.
Hey, Turner!
I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave
this house immediately.
This is cute, I love this.
Last time I wasn't ready, but I am now.
I have a black belt in karate.
Let's you and me go in the garage
and settle.
Fine.
Move it!
Now, you try me again, I'll blow
your lights out, do you hear me?
You tell Skeeter I said
cut his losses and go home.
Lionel Whitney?
Lionel! You're okay, good.
- Where were you?
- If we're going to make lunch, move.
I made reservations at La Sharif's
restaurant for noon.
If we get to flying, we'll make it.
I'm not hungry. Listen.
I wanna tell you about Avon.
She said I should call her Avon.
- You should get out of there.
- She is...
I don't think ever in my life
I've met anybody like her.
She's just spectacular.
I'm not getting through to you.
There's negative vibes.
Do yourself a favour
and get out of there.
This executive at the ad agency fell
in love, he's our number one suspect.
I got sucker-punched by this ape named
Tony, I'm going back to finish him off.
I'll help her to get the vines
of her garage her landlord wants it.
It would put me nearby.
I could protect her.
- Get the hell out of there!
- No need to shout, I can hear.
You're not hearing!
You're rabbiting on like the last reel
of a Jeanette MacDonald movie.
I'm trying to tell you
these guys are about to...
Lionel?
Lionel!
Lionel!
Lionel? Lionel!
E.L., who are these guys?
Get out of there.
I'll pick you up in the alley.
- What's...?
- Just go!
Where did you get that car?
- It's hot.
- Oh, it's hot, that's great.
I wish you'd try and get
to the floor of my problem.
I tried to tell you that Skeeter and his
Torpedos try to settle an old score.
- I borrowed the car to save my life.
- Where are we? Why are we here?
I bet you're wondering how I met Avon.
- Yeah...
- I met her right here.
Right here, on these hallowed grounds.
She was carrying her typewriter,
and I was carrying mine.
We met on this very elevator.
We compared typewriters.
Hers was... blue.
- Mine was off-white.
- Why were you carrying typewriters?
That's very good question.
One which I'm prepared to answer.
No, no...
Come this way.
Now, I must tell you
that for some time
I felt that Mark Savage
is somewhat of an anomaly.
He's kind of a jerk too, he...
He works in his go-to-hell office,
sipping warm Scotch from a desk drawer.
- Come on, he's a Salvation Army case.
- Please get to the point.
Alright, the point. Let's talk office,
our office, for instance.
If you're a cockroach exterminator
looking for work,
our office is the perfect place
to find them.
If you're not, our office is four walls
looking for someone to collapse on.
I see, you wanna move into this building
and pay 40 grand a year in lease fees.
Not want to move...
Have moved.
I got this lease rigged better
than a 50-foot schooner.
All fees deferred for 90 days.
Come in.
Already I'm hearing reasons
why you don't like it.
But let me show you what we've got.
We've got typewriters,
phones, carpets, drapes,
you've got furnishings, no charge.
Come on in! Come on, come on!
Look at this, Northern exposure,
the sun in the morning
and the moon at night.
- Hot cars, hot offices....
- And hot coffee, want some?
Don't you see? If we're gonna run
a legitimate business,
we've got to run an honest business.
Honest? Do you want honest?
I'll give you honest.
I was raised in a two-room flat
in the ghetto.
The cockroaches were so large
I had to tip my hat to get by them.
I've had that scene, Lionel.
But have a heart, man.
It causes me emotional stress.
It regresses me psychologically.
You told me that your father
taught African History at BYU,
that you lived in faculty housing.
Besides, if you go back, Skeeter's gonna
be all over you like flies on garbage.
- Love the metaphor.
- Alright, I admit.
Maybe I wasn't straight
with the real state guy,
but I have a little problem
with the truth.
Little problem? Boy.
E.L., you just can't scam
your way through life!
Skeeter is a good example
of what I'm talking about.
Your past is gonna catch up with you,
and I don't wanna be around
when it does!
- Okay.
- Alright?
Alright, alright. Okay.
You go on back to the office,
let Skeeter bust your chops, alright?
Look, meanwhile I'll take Avon
to dinner, work on her problem.
One of the nice things about this place,
she's only one flight down.
Doyle Birch Frederick & Smith ad agency.
That means David McPherson
is right down.
Look at all the advantages
you have in this place.
You've got a problem,
you take Avon to lunch, talk it over.
You're close
in case someone tries to kill her.
You hear a gunshot,
you've got nice proximity.
There's a certain moronic logic to that.
Come on, have a cup of Java.
And kick off those old, brown shoes.
Put those Argyles up.
Let me get the smell
of bug spray out of this coat.
We've got to find out if McPherson
hired a professional killer.
- How do we do that?
- We ask his bank.
- We do?
- Yes, sure, absolutely.
You see, if he hired a killer,
he had to pay for him.
This is your basic logic. If he had
to pay, where'd the money come from?
His bank.
You know, Lionel,
you really have a flair for this.
How do we get his bank to tell us?
Believe me, I know banks.
They won't give that information to
anybody, those records are confidential.
Scare them a little. Coffee?
Scare a bank? Who in the world
would a bank be frightened of?
Bank examiners?
Yes, I'm Chief Examiner Ford Hawker,
and this is my tabulator, Mr Greenberg.
Didn't our office call?
Yes, but only a minute ago.
I'm terribly sorry, but the branch
president is out to lunch.
I tried to find him,
but I didn't know which restaurant.
We don't have to talk to him,
it's a simple spot check.
What we are interested in mainly
is the percentage of cash reserves
to loans outstanding.
I really don't know quite what to do.
You see, those records are confidential,
I really don't think
I can let anyone see them.
Mike, you better get this down
on your tape.
Federal Bank examination.
June, 10th, 12:15 p.m. Interview with...
Charles Lovel, one "L".
Now, let me get this straight.
You, an officer of this bank,
are refusing to show Federal Bank
examiners bank records?
No, no.
Do you gentlemen
have some identification?
Mr. Lovel.
Study it, take down the badge number,
call anybody you like,
but I might tell you
that delays make us angry.
And when we are angry,
we're known to turn a simple spot check
into a three-act musical.
Now, is there any problem?
Gentlemen, of course,
everything is alphabetical
and of course
I shall have to stay with you.
Coffee, Ford?
That would hit the spot. Cream and sugar
in mine. Mike takes his black.
You have any doughnuts?
That would be swell too.
Make it fast.
- Mc, McAdams, McCovey.
- William McCovey. Pull that one.
See if the Giants
are really paying him.
You've got to be kidding.
Aren't you scared?
If you've got to do this type of work,
you've got to enjoy it.
I've got to admit, that was pretty
top-notch flim-flam you did upstairs.
Lovel with one "L".
I like that, it's cute.
- I've got a David L. McPherson.
- Let's see it.
See if he withdrew about
fifty or sixty grand.
- That's the going rate, you know?
- Hit men have rate cards?
Business is business.
Watch the door.
- April. No.
- Here's May.
May...
There it is.
70 grand made out to cash, May 6.
So McPherson hired a killer.
He's the one
who's trying to kill Avon.
Let's get out of here.
You look wonderful,
you know, just great.
I wanted to get a haircut,
but I didn't get a chance.
- Do I have anything in my teeth?
- No. You look wonderful, believe me.
Now, just straighten up,
get the gum out of your mouth
and smile when you shake hands.
- Think it's funny, don't you?
- Yeah, I think it's funny.
I think it's cute too.
- Hey!
- Hee-ah!
When you get your breath, maybe you'd
like to pack your things and leave.
- Don't you think you're being tough?
- I think you cracked a rib.
Get out of the house.
The lady wants you to leave.
You don't know what the lady wants, pal.
You haven't got a clue.
That's the thermal chemist,
the guy who hit me twice.
Oh. Oh!
Hello!
- Mr Whitney, Mr Turner! Where's Tony?
- I'm afraid I had to get tough with him.
- I hope we didn't break anything.
- You hit him?
David McPherson took $70,000
out of his bank account a month ago,
that's approximately the amount required
to hire a professional killer.
- It can't be.
- It is. You must take this to police.
I have evidence in my pocket:
microfilm showing the withdrawal.
It's not solid proof,
but I'd like to hear his explanation.
Yes.
But... but he loved me.
And when you rejected him,
he hired a killer.
I need time to think.
Don't take too long.
He could end up killing you.
I... I can't talk now.
- Could we have dinner tonight?
- Yes, yes. What time?
Pick me up at eight.
At eight, then.
- You know what's wrong with that?
- I'll drive.
It didn't look like
they were going out together?
Before you left your footprint,
the man looked spiffy.
She was decked out
in black and in pearls.
They weren't going out together.
She despised him.
Get the car, please,
I have to get to the office.
- Which office?
- The office.
I need my gun to protect her,
I have to pack the gat.
Not a good idea, wrong, bad.
Listen.
You seem to forget about Skeeter.
Skeeter is your problem,
my problem is keeping
a very special person for getting killed
and that's what I'm going to do.
Cue orchestra, heavy on strings.
Eugh!
Avon's words comes back to me.
A 78 played at the wrong speed.
"They're trying to kill me."
Lionel Whitney Agency.
Lionel Whitney speaking.
This is David McPherson.
Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, okay.
I understand you've being checking
over my records, my bank called.
Listen, you! I know about your plans
to kill her.
You think you can just snuff out
her life?
Who do you think you are?
Calm down, please.
- I'm trying to confide in you.
- Oh, sure.
Soften me up and then what?
Send me a bullet with my name on it?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the value of life
and a sweet girl who's terrified.
Maybe you'll learn
something about this sweet girl
if you come in to my office.
I'm at the 5000 building on Wilshire.
You'll run her down,
but I know about the $70,000,
the attempt on Avon's life,
I know you're jealous and possessive.
Go back to your wife and children
and forget about her.
I'll be there, McPherson,
but maybe not the way you think.
You'll have to take your chances,
because Lionel Whitney is nobody's fool.
What did he say?
Well, he sounded... nuts.
Thank you for coming over. I appreciate
the bank being interested in my account.
It's a set-up.
He calls you up and invites you
into his office for a briefing, right?
- I wouldn't buy it if it was in there.
- I'm not buying it, I wasn't born...
- Yesterday?
- Yes. I know what's going on.
- We've got a cold deck from our client.
- Avon? No, you don't know her.
- Neither do you.
- I think I understand her.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
If you're talking about Avon,
you're talking about a wrong 'un.
Sometimes you have to go on instinct.
Set-up, set-up.
That's when the head detective
walks into a trap
and gets stomped on by bad guys.
I'll improvise,
I'll make my own luck.
- I'll go in fast and dangerous.
- I'm glad I'm going alone.
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
Please, why are you doing this to me?
Don't do this.
One more time, Dave.
Then, we'll weigh our options.
Maybe, I'll let you go home.
I'm gonna jump!
- Look, would you get serious, man?
- You get serious, man.
The guy calls you up
and says 'let's talk'.
Then, he does a leap
off the top of the building?
- Come on! The man was pushed.
- The man was not pushed.
I told him I knew
he'd hired a professional killer
and he couldn't deal with it.
- That's all.
- Alright. Let's try it this way.
We gave Avon information
that McPherson hired a killer.
Two hours later, McPherson is dead.
Now, I say... Hey, I say
Avon and this Tony person
pushed him from the roof.
End of case, end of subject.
What makes you think Tony is here?
'Cause he's moving across
the street right now.
- I'll check the mailbox for a name.
- Good idea.
We're going to kill them with laughter.
So, Avon had you kill McPherson.
Where is she?
Is she still hiding in somewhere
in a borrowed house?
Come on, man!
We are in the same line of work.
I don't like thinning in the field,
but as you can see, I've got clients.
So you're gonna help me,
you're gonna help us or we're gonna find
you an orange grove to fertilise.
Okay.
Okay. If I give you her address,
what happens?
You change teams.
Go to work for us.
Avon can't kill
the entire board of directors.
We'll get her before she gets us.
Otherwise,
you just pay her debt for her.
She's...
She's about a mile from here.
Marshall Doyle. He's the senior partner
of the ad agency.
Would you wait a minute?
Would you stop this damn machine?
Stop!
- You're flooding the car.
- I know. It won't start.
- I love this, he's flooding the car.
- Don't yell at me.
- I'm not yelling at you!
- I lost them! What, what?
It's much better, this is much better.
Now, we're talking about killers here.
Let's not forget Gumperson's Law
which states
that the proximity to killers
has a direct bearing to death.
They're going to Avon's!
Hold it!
Come on, man! Let's go, let's go!
- They wanted to kill me!
- I know. Come on, we'll get out of here.
You see this?
You're hopeless, you know that?
A hopeless case.
What were you doing standing out here
like some big, dumb water buffalo?
Let's go.
Come on, you'll be safe in here.
This is where I live.
Okay. Go ahead in.
First thing we do
is sort out the laundry.
Look, I've had enough of your cynicism.
I don't care whether you like it or not,
we've got a leaky story out of bubbles.
- E.L. thinks you've been lying.
- Think?
He thinks you had something
to do with McPherson's death.
He's dead? David is dead? Oh, no!
Who? How? When?
This afternoon,
just a short time ago. I'm sorry.
- Tony did it. He did, didn't it?
- We think...
I think that Tony may be
a professional killer.
Would you wise up? This chick
is slippier than a baked dock.
She's not.
There's an explanation, I know it.
All I know is this afternoon,
Tony got a phone call.
I went down to tell him not to use the
phone in the house and he pulled a gun.
Then he let a man in from the patio.
He said he wanted me to call David
and tell him I wanted to see him.
I set up an appointment for 18:30.
Tony made me get all dressed up.
He said I was his insurance.
Then you guys knocked on the door.
The other man had a gun on me from
the balcony when Tony opened the door.
That's why you were in a hurry
and couldn't talk to us.
It also explains why
they were dressed up.
Where did he take you?
After you left, he took me
to the other guy's car.
They drove me to the ad agency.
We have key-punch security
on our private elevator.
There's a guard and everything. I got
him into the building and the elevator.
Then Tony's friend took me
back home and left.
I tried to call David,
but there was no answer at his office.
Why? Who's trying to kill you?
Who killed McPherson?
What's going on?
I don't know! I swear I don't!
It's a bigger mystery to me
than to anybody.
I'll do anything you say.
If you hadn't come along when you did,
I'd be dead by now.
Who's Doyle? I mean,
he is the Doyle of the ad agency?
He's the president, Marshall Doyle. Why?
We saw Tony leave the building right
after McPherson was pushed off.
He was picked up by two other men.
They took Tony to Marshall Doyle's house
in Beverly Hills. We followed them.
Why would he wanna kill me or David?
We have McPherson dead
because he wouldn't play ball
with Doyle and his goons.
We have Tony and his friend,
who wasted McPherson then went to Doyle.
Then we have Doyle,
who tried to kill Avon.
Or McPherson did.
Or maybe Tony, or the two hoods, or...
Let's not forget the milk man.
Oh, it's really confusing.
Maybe, it'll look better in the morning.
You can have my bed, Miss Madison.
E.L. and I will sleep out here.
Oh, great.
You're really wonderful, you know that?
You were in trouble,
I had to do what I could.
- You're so gentle and loving!
- You're very easy to be gentle with.
"She was in there.
Her long hair stretched out like a
Japanese on my basement pillowcase.
She knew she was dead, she knew that
she wouldn't live through the night.
The bullet hole in her satin shoulder
was ugly and festering.
I knew she was on her way out.
She was dying right before my eyes,
shrinking as she laid between my sheets,
smiling bravely up at me.
And then, sometime around one o'clock,
she was gone,
leaving the room like a beam
of moonlight on fluttered leaf.
In death, she was a princess.
In life, she'd been a queen.
And in my memory she would live forever.
A sweetness in my world of grime,
a tender chapter in the grisly,
scabrous life of Mark Savage."
I want a meeting, Marsh.
Maybe, we can make a deal.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You and McPherson were
trying to kill me.
First I thought it was David.
Now, I know you're in it too.
No, darling,
it's the entire board of directors.
Oh, we have your friend Tony with us.
He's changed teams
so I'm afraid you're without resources.
When I was on the streets,
I put out for lots of guys like Tony.
I figured one day I might need
some favours.
I'm calling in all my debts.
You deal with me, or you're looking at
15 gunnies with cannons.
I can take all six of you,
if that's the way you want it.
How about...? Erm...
...the boardroom at 2:00 am?
I'll be bringing some friends.
Won't we all, my dear, won't we all.
Oh, and Marsh...
They're two private eyes.
2356 Vine Wood in Hollywood.
I need them picked up.
In case you and I can't come to terms,
they'll be a loose end.
Well, perhaps that will be
part of the settlement.
We'll see.
Get off me!
How does it go, honey?
Pack your bags and get out.
This is private property, I guess
you know that you're trespassing.
Doesn't he just light up a room
this guy? Check in there.
Avon, run, run!
She got away, she got away!
About four hours ago.
You can't seem to get this straight
in your head, can you?
She turned these guys loose on us, man.
- No, she wouldn't.
- Let me give you the long, sad story.
Avon is a 112pounds of ice
in a terrific package.
I wouldn't believe anything you say.
See, we all know her very, very well.
- She's a working girl.
- Yes, at the ad agency.
Working girl, like in hooker.
Let's go.
- Do you mind if I get dressed?
- Outside.
If she told you about us,
I guessed she told you
about the money too.
- I thought I told you to shut up?
- Money? What are you talking about?
- She didn't mention money.
- You won't tell them that.
- It's only way out.
- It took us to years to get that.
- I don't care.
- Pull over! Right here.
You were saying...
Okay, I'm gonna tell you.
For two years we've been working
this scam on a Central Bank computer.
Avon knew about this,
that's why she put you guys onto us.
There's over 200 grand in our safe
at the office.
She never said anything about any money.
Yeah. If you take us there
and let us go, it's all yours.
Come on, man. If this guy wants to give
us 200 G's what are we supposed to do?
So we tell Avon we hit their pad and
they went.
That's right. You hit the pad
and we weren't there.
Lionel and I are on
the next plane to Hoboken.
- So, where's your office?
- 1657 Orchard Avenue, North Hollywood.
Go.
Hey!
Hey, wake up!
It's him!
Hold it, Skeet.
Five of us and six of them.
We gotta wait.
Let's wait.
What's going on here?
Okay. I'm gonna tell you, okay?
I knew you're gonna say that.
Don't get kinky, okay?
I think I have a way to really make
you guys rich.
I'm not talking about a lousy 200 grand
which you gotta split six ways.
I'm talking about money, big money,
okay?
- I haven't got patience for this.
- Okay.
You think you're dealing with a bunch
of dummies? Get him out of here!
They're both dead!
Avon, why are we here?
First you and your friend
are going to be processed for packing
then you're going
into worldwide distribution.
Courtesy of our friends
in the shipping business.
I don't think so, Avon. You see,
we gave this to the cops yesterday.
You don't even know what's' going on
here. What would you tell the cops?
This is no big mystery. Here we have
three ad execs, all soiled husbands,
and here we have one very fast,
one very loose lap,
known as a corporate hooker.
It doesn't take a genius
to figure out that Avon
was putting it on the line
for the agency's clients.
In between times, she and these three
four-dollar idiots were playing house.
Now she's got
the whole boardroom jammed up.
She threatens to tell their wives,
get the big bundle.
Am I close, fellas?
But the price was a little bit too high,
so you go and hire a gunslinger.
But you forget Avon
knows some muscle too.
Everybody starts blasting.
And old David,
he just didn't move fast enough.
What did they give you, Avon?
How much did it cost?
What they gave me
is a seat on the board of directors.
And you and your friend here,
are finished.
Let's go, Doyle.
Let's take care of business.
What if they told the cops?
What do we do then?
They're just two guys with a story
who left and never came back.
Do we have a choice?
Come one. Do I have to do it myself?
Mick.
- Go on outside and take a look around.
- Alright.
Skeeter!
Hey! My man!
Okay, alright. You're mad, right?
I can understand that.
I'd be mad too
if I had to sleep in a car all night
and drink cold coffee
and cold sandwiches.
That's hard on anybody's
sense of humour.
It's only fair to warn you
I have a black belt in karate.
- He does, you know.
- Sure he has.
I've had enough of your gaff.
Let's take them!
"Veronica was dead
and it wasn't until later that I found
that she'd set me up
from the beginning.
She was a wrong number
with an angel's smile.
But there is no heart of gold
that I'm fallen for a slipper.
So, okay, maybe I'm not such
a tough guy after all,
maybe I'm just an emotional wreck
trying to find the good ones,
the ones who have been soiled
and tossed away.
And maybe, one day I will,
but until then,
I'll just be Mark Savage,
private eye."
Could you turn off the light?
I think she was all bad, I mean,
wasn't there some part of her that
was trying to be that little girl?
You have the police report.
She was from Brooklyn,
known in the trade as the hitmans hooker.
She gave it away to torpedos.
Now, would you get serious?
Savage says there's no free lunch.
And the hospital administrator!
Now, turn off the light!
this is my tabulator, Mike Greenberg.
I wanna tell you about Avon.
She said I should call her Avon.
I haven't met anybody like her.
She is spectacular.
Let me get the smell of bug spray
out of this coat.
- Do I have anything in my teeth?
- You look fine.
Your past is gonna catch up with you,
and I just don't wanna be around
when it does.
I'm the boy's daddy.
I have a black belt in karate.
We are gonna kill him with laughter.
"The two cops blew down the door
of my Hollywood office,
kicked it off its hinges
and came in fast and dangerous.
The big one had a face like a blueberry
pie that exploded in the oven.
His partner was thin and wasted
with the wide-eyed, angry look
of a stomped mackerel.
They had their gats out and they knew
what they were looking for.
"On your feet, Savage," Blueberry
wheezed through store-bought teeth.
I lumbered up out of my old
leather chair and stood teetering,
like the last guest
at a three-day drunk.
"You guys got tins or do you just
bust down doors for a living?"
I was trying to sound tough,
but my words fell
like a kitten from a high tree.
Blueberry flashed his buzzer
and motioned to his partner
to turn over my old leather sofa.
They ripped out the webbing and in
seconds, pulled out a cellophane bag.
Blueberry spun me around
and slammed me against the wall.
"Dealing dope now, Seamus?",
he growled,
How do you talk to morons?
It was such an obvious plant,
somebody should have watered it.
Then suddenly I knew
that Veronica had to be dead.
And the grief swept over me
like cold air off a frozen lake.
Grief that hovered like a hawk
in a headwind.
An then, in a shriek of pain
it turned to rage.
Murderous, defiant, savage rage,
I pushed off the wall and took Blueberry
with an elbow in his store-bought ivory.
The stomped mackerel was caught sleeping
and I gave him a two-second nose job.
He fell backwards, clutching his busted
beak and then I ran,
screaming like the man in the dream
with no clothes on.
I ran in slow motion out of my office
and down the road.
Veronica's words came back to me.
A 78 played at the wrong speed -
"They're trying to kill me".
She chanted and chanted and chanted.
I was running and screaming and
clutching an empty place in my chest,
a place where two minutes before
my heart used to be."
You wanna move it, buddy?
There's no parking on the street.
- What?
- This road is too narrow to park.
That is unless you've got some business.
I had an appointment
but my partner hasn't shown, he's late.
- Who're you meeting?
- I'm afraid that's confidential.
It just got un-confidential.
Where are you going? I can talk to you
here, this is a public thoroughfare.
I'm really within my rights here.
What are you doing?
I'm doing this because
I don't like guys in green Triumphs.
It's a lifelong thing for me.
Come on out, honey!
Let's see what you've got
in your pockets.
Since you insist, I might as well tell
you my name is Lionel Whitney...
Lionel Whitney, private dick.
What kind of dirt are you trying to
scrape off my sidewalk?
I want you to know
that I'm not intimidated by you.
I want you to know
that I have a black belt in...
Are you beginning to be intimidated?
Am I finally getting through
to your hard-boiled soul?
One more time.
What are you doing parked here?
Under the circumstances it might be okay
to I'm here to meet with Miss Madison.
She made the appointment,
she lives right there.
Come on!
Vony!
- Hey, Vony!
- Here!
There's some guy down here
says he's supposed to meet you.
- Lionel Whitney.
- Hi.
I'm just finishing my exercises.
Show him to the library, please.
And, Tony, will you please take
the vines off the garage roof?
Steven will be here on Friday.
Yes, sure. A deal's a deal.
Come on.
- The library is down there.
- You've been too kind.
Sorry about the tap, pal.
Make yourself comfortable.
- I'm afraid he's not very friendly.
- Not very friendly?
He took a swing at me.
I was about to use my karate.
On that poor little bird?
No, I'm talking about your friend,
the guy with the track shorts on.
I'm Avon Madison.
I wouldn't classify Tony as a friend.
He's taking his Masters
in Thermal chemistry at UCLA.
I'm letting him live
in the pool house this summer.
He does odd jobs to pay for his rent.
I'm afraid the whole arrangement
was a mistake.
Thermal chemistry, Miss Madison.
I hate to appear sceptical,
but I'll be willing to bet
that he doesn't know
a valence chart
from six ounces of cream cheese.
Where is Mr Turner?
When I spoke to him today,
he said he'd be with you.
I don't know where he is.
I don't know where he could possibly be.
The dude is slippery,
he always was. Now find him!
Kensington's in the sled,
going down the alley with Scottie.
No, he's got to be here, somewhere.
Now, it's a big place. Fan out.
I don't know where to begin.
I think, maybe the beginning,
try beginning with the beginning.
Maybe we'll get the whole thing.
From the beginning, then.
- They're trying to kill me.
- Kill you? Who?
Just saying it
makes me feel foolish.
But yesterday I got a message
asking me to go to my office early.
When I got out my car in the garage
somebody tried to run me down.
- What kind of car was it?
- I don't know, it was just there.
I used to be a dancer and I move well,
so I managed to get out of the way.
Is that important?
I'm sorry, what?
You were looking at me so strangely...
No, just thinking,
private detectives do that sometimes,
to try and get the drift, as it were,
play the scene over in their minds,
trying to get the flavour, the nuance.
Mr Whitney, I might as well confess,
I'm frightened.
I mean, I'm from Kansas,
and except for David...
I mean...
I sort of kept to myself
these last two years, since my divorce.
And now, somebody is trying to...
I think it's one of the executives
from the ad agency where I work.
I'm trying to be rational about this.
- Please, please.
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Oh, Miss Madison, please, don't cry.
I'm here and, well, I'll...
I won't let anything happen to you,
that's what being
a private detective is all about.
I'm sorry.
It just seems my emotions are all
out of control these last few months.
I seem to cry at the drop of a...
A hat?
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
In the housewares department
all items are marked down one third.
Miss Madison, what makes you suspect
one of the executives?
Well...
You need a punch card
to get your car into that part
of the underground garage,
only executives park there.
- You mentioned somebody named David.
- It couldn't be David.
It just couldn't.
I mean, he and I...
Is he an executive?
Yes...
He is... Senior Executive
Vice President.
David McPherson.
But he was married and it was wrong.
He has children.
I just couldn't keep it up.
And I...
You broke it off to save his marriage.
You make me sound so noble.
It wasn't noble.
The whole affair was cheap and vulgar.
I felt like a tramp.
But you're not a tramp,
how can you say that?
You're wonderful and gentle
and I think what you did was terrific,
Miss Madison,
really terrific.
You're very nice, do you know that?
I wish you'd call me Avon.
I'd like that, I really would.
I'm Jed McClintock.
Yes, sir, what is it?
I don't be seeing too good these days,
you know?
And I seem to have lost my boy,
he was with me just a while back.
I was wondering maybe
you could page him on the telephone,
maybe I can speak to the man.
We were going to go home together
on the bus.
My phlebitis started giving me pain.
I'm afraid he may go on without me,
is what I'm afraid of.
- What's his name?
- Skeeter.
Skeeter McClintock.
I'm the boy's daddy.
Could you page Skeeter McClintock?
Yes, yes.
Just hold the line.
If he answers...
Oh, I know he is around,
He has some place.
- Yeah, who is it?
- Skeets?
- How are you doing, man?
- I'm gonna bust your butt, Turner.
Hey, look, man.
You're mad, I can get behind that.
But that scam was six years ago
and I had six Georgia cops on my tail,
I had to split with the loot, man.
Maybe you and I can work out a deal.
You got a pencil?
Yeah, man. Shoot.
Write this down. No deal.
That's D-E-A-L.
And right under that write "dead".
You're dead.
D-E-A-D.
Hey, Skeets, you're gonna choke up
on all that negativity, man.
You've got to go with life's flow,
you've got to take life's U-turns,
with one foot on a break...
Hello, Skeets?
To get back to the cases,
is there anybody else
who might want you dead, Miss Madison?
I didn't say David did.
He wouldn't, he just couldn't.
You broke it off, he was jealous.
Perhaps in a rage, he tried to kill you.
All my life I've picked the wrong men.
They've used me and left me.
I mean, look at Tony.
I thought he was so nice
when he answered my ad...
Now, all he does is help himself
to my refrigerator and lift weights
and look at me like I had no clothes on.
He frightens me.
Last week, I tried to ask him to leave.
He won't go.
I don't know, Mr Whitney...
It's just getting so confusing.
- Can you help me?
- Of course I can.
I am, as the saying goes, on the case,
Miss Madison, I'll get started today.
You know, you are very, very beautiful.
I mean, underneath where it counts,
and I promise...
I won't let anything happen to you.
Hey, Turner!
I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave
this house immediately.
This is cute, I love this.
Last time I wasn't ready, but I am now.
I have a black belt in karate.
Let's you and me go in the garage
and settle.
Fine.
Move it!
Now, you try me again, I'll blow
your lights out, do you hear me?
You tell Skeeter I said
cut his losses and go home.
Lionel Whitney?
Lionel! You're okay, good.
- Where were you?
- If we're going to make lunch, move.
I made reservations at La Sharif's
restaurant for noon.
If we get to flying, we'll make it.
I'm not hungry. Listen.
I wanna tell you about Avon.
She said I should call her Avon.
- You should get out of there.
- She is...
I don't think ever in my life
I've met anybody like her.
She's just spectacular.
I'm not getting through to you.
There's negative vibes.
Do yourself a favour
and get out of there.
This executive at the ad agency fell
in love, he's our number one suspect.
I got sucker-punched by this ape named
Tony, I'm going back to finish him off.
I'll help her to get the vines
of her garage her landlord wants it.
It would put me nearby.
I could protect her.
- Get the hell out of there!
- No need to shout, I can hear.
You're not hearing!
You're rabbiting on like the last reel
of a Jeanette MacDonald movie.
I'm trying to tell you
these guys are about to...
Lionel?
Lionel!
Lionel!
Lionel? Lionel!
E.L., who are these guys?
Get out of there.
I'll pick you up in the alley.
- What's...?
- Just go!
Where did you get that car?
- It's hot.
- Oh, it's hot, that's great.
I wish you'd try and get
to the floor of my problem.
I tried to tell you that Skeeter and his
Torpedos try to settle an old score.
- I borrowed the car to save my life.
- Where are we? Why are we here?
I bet you're wondering how I met Avon.
- Yeah...
- I met her right here.
Right here, on these hallowed grounds.
She was carrying her typewriter,
and I was carrying mine.
We met on this very elevator.
We compared typewriters.
Hers was... blue.
- Mine was off-white.
- Why were you carrying typewriters?
That's very good question.
One which I'm prepared to answer.
No, no...
Come this way.
Now, I must tell you
that for some time
I felt that Mark Savage
is somewhat of an anomaly.
He's kind of a jerk too, he...
He works in his go-to-hell office,
sipping warm Scotch from a desk drawer.
- Come on, he's a Salvation Army case.
- Please get to the point.
Alright, the point. Let's talk office,
our office, for instance.
If you're a cockroach exterminator
looking for work,
our office is the perfect place
to find them.
If you're not, our office is four walls
looking for someone to collapse on.
I see, you wanna move into this building
and pay 40 grand a year in lease fees.
Not want to move...
Have moved.
I got this lease rigged better
than a 50-foot schooner.
All fees deferred for 90 days.
Come in.
Already I'm hearing reasons
why you don't like it.
But let me show you what we've got.
We've got typewriters,
phones, carpets, drapes,
you've got furnishings, no charge.
Come on in! Come on, come on!
Look at this, Northern exposure,
the sun in the morning
and the moon at night.
- Hot cars, hot offices....
- And hot coffee, want some?
Don't you see? If we're gonna run
a legitimate business,
we've got to run an honest business.
Honest? Do you want honest?
I'll give you honest.
I was raised in a two-room flat
in the ghetto.
The cockroaches were so large
I had to tip my hat to get by them.
I've had that scene, Lionel.
But have a heart, man.
It causes me emotional stress.
It regresses me psychologically.
You told me that your father
taught African History at BYU,
that you lived in faculty housing.
Besides, if you go back, Skeeter's gonna
be all over you like flies on garbage.
- Love the metaphor.
- Alright, I admit.
Maybe I wasn't straight
with the real state guy,
but I have a little problem
with the truth.
Little problem? Boy.
E.L., you just can't scam
your way through life!
Skeeter is a good example
of what I'm talking about.
Your past is gonna catch up with you,
and I don't wanna be around
when it does!
- Okay.
- Alright?
Alright, alright. Okay.
You go on back to the office,
let Skeeter bust your chops, alright?
Look, meanwhile I'll take Avon
to dinner, work on her problem.
One of the nice things about this place,
she's only one flight down.
Doyle Birch Frederick & Smith ad agency.
That means David McPherson
is right down.
Look at all the advantages
you have in this place.
You've got a problem,
you take Avon to lunch, talk it over.
You're close
in case someone tries to kill her.
You hear a gunshot,
you've got nice proximity.
There's a certain moronic logic to that.
Come on, have a cup of Java.
And kick off those old, brown shoes.
Put those Argyles up.
Let me get the smell
of bug spray out of this coat.
We've got to find out if McPherson
hired a professional killer.
- How do we do that?
- We ask his bank.
- We do?
- Yes, sure, absolutely.
You see, if he hired a killer,
he had to pay for him.
This is your basic logic. If he had
to pay, where'd the money come from?
His bank.
You know, Lionel,
you really have a flair for this.
How do we get his bank to tell us?
Believe me, I know banks.
They won't give that information to
anybody, those records are confidential.
Scare them a little. Coffee?
Scare a bank? Who in the world
would a bank be frightened of?
Bank examiners?
Yes, I'm Chief Examiner Ford Hawker,
and this is my tabulator, Mr Greenberg.
Didn't our office call?
Yes, but only a minute ago.
I'm terribly sorry, but the branch
president is out to lunch.
I tried to find him,
but I didn't know which restaurant.
We don't have to talk to him,
it's a simple spot check.
What we are interested in mainly
is the percentage of cash reserves
to loans outstanding.
I really don't know quite what to do.
You see, those records are confidential,
I really don't think
I can let anyone see them.
Mike, you better get this down
on your tape.
Federal Bank examination.
June, 10th, 12:15 p.m. Interview with...
Charles Lovel, one "L".
Now, let me get this straight.
You, an officer of this bank,
are refusing to show Federal Bank
examiners bank records?
No, no.
Do you gentlemen
have some identification?
Mr. Lovel.
Study it, take down the badge number,
call anybody you like,
but I might tell you
that delays make us angry.
And when we are angry,
we're known to turn a simple spot check
into a three-act musical.
Now, is there any problem?
Gentlemen, of course,
everything is alphabetical
and of course
I shall have to stay with you.
Coffee, Ford?
That would hit the spot. Cream and sugar
in mine. Mike takes his black.
You have any doughnuts?
That would be swell too.
Make it fast.
- Mc, McAdams, McCovey.
- William McCovey. Pull that one.
See if the Giants
are really paying him.
You've got to be kidding.
Aren't you scared?
If you've got to do this type of work,
you've got to enjoy it.
I've got to admit, that was pretty
top-notch flim-flam you did upstairs.
Lovel with one "L".
I like that, it's cute.
- I've got a David L. McPherson.
- Let's see it.
See if he withdrew about
fifty or sixty grand.
- That's the going rate, you know?
- Hit men have rate cards?
Business is business.
Watch the door.
- April. No.
- Here's May.
May...
There it is.
70 grand made out to cash, May 6.
So McPherson hired a killer.
He's the one
who's trying to kill Avon.
Let's get out of here.
You look wonderful,
you know, just great.
I wanted to get a haircut,
but I didn't get a chance.
- Do I have anything in my teeth?
- No. You look wonderful, believe me.
Now, just straighten up,
get the gum out of your mouth
and smile when you shake hands.
- Think it's funny, don't you?
- Yeah, I think it's funny.
I think it's cute too.
- Hey!
- Hee-ah!
When you get your breath, maybe you'd
like to pack your things and leave.
- Don't you think you're being tough?
- I think you cracked a rib.
Get out of the house.
The lady wants you to leave.
You don't know what the lady wants, pal.
You haven't got a clue.
That's the thermal chemist,
the guy who hit me twice.
Oh. Oh!
Hello!
- Mr Whitney, Mr Turner! Where's Tony?
- I'm afraid I had to get tough with him.
- I hope we didn't break anything.
- You hit him?
David McPherson took $70,000
out of his bank account a month ago,
that's approximately the amount required
to hire a professional killer.
- It can't be.
- It is. You must take this to police.
I have evidence in my pocket:
microfilm showing the withdrawal.
It's not solid proof,
but I'd like to hear his explanation.
Yes.
But... but he loved me.
And when you rejected him,
he hired a killer.
I need time to think.
Don't take too long.
He could end up killing you.
I... I can't talk now.
- Could we have dinner tonight?
- Yes, yes. What time?
Pick me up at eight.
At eight, then.
- You know what's wrong with that?
- I'll drive.
It didn't look like
they were going out together?
Before you left your footprint,
the man looked spiffy.
She was decked out
in black and in pearls.
They weren't going out together.
She despised him.
Get the car, please,
I have to get to the office.
- Which office?
- The office.
I need my gun to protect her,
I have to pack the gat.
Not a good idea, wrong, bad.
Listen.
You seem to forget about Skeeter.
Skeeter is your problem,
my problem is keeping
a very special person for getting killed
and that's what I'm going to do.
Cue orchestra, heavy on strings.
Eugh!
Avon's words comes back to me.
A 78 played at the wrong speed.
"They're trying to kill me."
Lionel Whitney Agency.
Lionel Whitney speaking.
This is David McPherson.
Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, okay.
I understand you've being checking
over my records, my bank called.
Listen, you! I know about your plans
to kill her.
You think you can just snuff out
her life?
Who do you think you are?
Calm down, please.
- I'm trying to confide in you.
- Oh, sure.
Soften me up and then what?
Send me a bullet with my name on it?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the value of life
and a sweet girl who's terrified.
Maybe you'll learn
something about this sweet girl
if you come in to my office.
I'm at the 5000 building on Wilshire.
You'll run her down,
but I know about the $70,000,
the attempt on Avon's life,
I know you're jealous and possessive.
Go back to your wife and children
and forget about her.
I'll be there, McPherson,
but maybe not the way you think.
You'll have to take your chances,
because Lionel Whitney is nobody's fool.
What did he say?
Well, he sounded... nuts.
Thank you for coming over. I appreciate
the bank being interested in my account.
It's a set-up.
He calls you up and invites you
into his office for a briefing, right?
- I wouldn't buy it if it was in there.
- I'm not buying it, I wasn't born...
- Yesterday?
- Yes. I know what's going on.
- We've got a cold deck from our client.
- Avon? No, you don't know her.
- Neither do you.
- I think I understand her.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
If you're talking about Avon,
you're talking about a wrong 'un.
Sometimes you have to go on instinct.
Set-up, set-up.
That's when the head detective
walks into a trap
and gets stomped on by bad guys.
I'll improvise,
I'll make my own luck.
- I'll go in fast and dangerous.
- I'm glad I'm going alone.
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
I'm gonna jump!
Please, why are you doing this to me?
Don't do this.
One more time, Dave.
Then, we'll weigh our options.
Maybe, I'll let you go home.
I'm gonna jump!
- Look, would you get serious, man?
- You get serious, man.
The guy calls you up
and says 'let's talk'.
Then, he does a leap
off the top of the building?
- Come on! The man was pushed.
- The man was not pushed.
I told him I knew
he'd hired a professional killer
and he couldn't deal with it.
- That's all.
- Alright. Let's try it this way.
We gave Avon information
that McPherson hired a killer.
Two hours later, McPherson is dead.
Now, I say... Hey, I say
Avon and this Tony person
pushed him from the roof.
End of case, end of subject.
What makes you think Tony is here?
'Cause he's moving across
the street right now.
- I'll check the mailbox for a name.
- Good idea.
We're going to kill them with laughter.
So, Avon had you kill McPherson.
Where is she?
Is she still hiding in somewhere
in a borrowed house?
Come on, man!
We are in the same line of work.
I don't like thinning in the field,
but as you can see, I've got clients.
So you're gonna help me,
you're gonna help us or we're gonna find
you an orange grove to fertilise.
Okay.
Okay. If I give you her address,
what happens?
You change teams.
Go to work for us.
Avon can't kill
the entire board of directors.
We'll get her before she gets us.
Otherwise,
you just pay her debt for her.
She's...
She's about a mile from here.
Marshall Doyle. He's the senior partner
of the ad agency.
Would you wait a minute?
Would you stop this damn machine?
Stop!
- You're flooding the car.
- I know. It won't start.
- I love this, he's flooding the car.
- Don't yell at me.
- I'm not yelling at you!
- I lost them! What, what?
It's much better, this is much better.
Now, we're talking about killers here.
Let's not forget Gumperson's Law
which states
that the proximity to killers
has a direct bearing to death.
They're going to Avon's!
Hold it!
Come on, man! Let's go, let's go!
- They wanted to kill me!
- I know. Come on, we'll get out of here.
You see this?
You're hopeless, you know that?
A hopeless case.
What were you doing standing out here
like some big, dumb water buffalo?
Let's go.
Come on, you'll be safe in here.
This is where I live.
Okay. Go ahead in.
First thing we do
is sort out the laundry.
Look, I've had enough of your cynicism.
I don't care whether you like it or not,
we've got a leaky story out of bubbles.
- E.L. thinks you've been lying.
- Think?
He thinks you had something
to do with McPherson's death.
He's dead? David is dead? Oh, no!
Who? How? When?
This afternoon,
just a short time ago. I'm sorry.
- Tony did it. He did, didn't it?
- We think...
I think that Tony may be
a professional killer.
Would you wise up? This chick
is slippier than a baked dock.
She's not.
There's an explanation, I know it.
All I know is this afternoon,
Tony got a phone call.
I went down to tell him not to use the
phone in the house and he pulled a gun.
Then he let a man in from the patio.
He said he wanted me to call David
and tell him I wanted to see him.
I set up an appointment for 18:30.
Tony made me get all dressed up.
He said I was his insurance.
Then you guys knocked on the door.
The other man had a gun on me from
the balcony when Tony opened the door.
That's why you were in a hurry
and couldn't talk to us.
It also explains why
they were dressed up.
Where did he take you?
After you left, he took me
to the other guy's car.
They drove me to the ad agency.
We have key-punch security
on our private elevator.
There's a guard and everything. I got
him into the building and the elevator.
Then Tony's friend took me
back home and left.
I tried to call David,
but there was no answer at his office.
Why? Who's trying to kill you?
Who killed McPherson?
What's going on?
I don't know! I swear I don't!
It's a bigger mystery to me
than to anybody.
I'll do anything you say.
If you hadn't come along when you did,
I'd be dead by now.
Who's Doyle? I mean,
he is the Doyle of the ad agency?
He's the president, Marshall Doyle. Why?
We saw Tony leave the building right
after McPherson was pushed off.
He was picked up by two other men.
They took Tony to Marshall Doyle's house
in Beverly Hills. We followed them.
Why would he wanna kill me or David?
We have McPherson dead
because he wouldn't play ball
with Doyle and his goons.
We have Tony and his friend,
who wasted McPherson then went to Doyle.
Then we have Doyle,
who tried to kill Avon.
Or McPherson did.
Or maybe Tony, or the two hoods, or...
Let's not forget the milk man.
Oh, it's really confusing.
Maybe, it'll look better in the morning.
You can have my bed, Miss Madison.
E.L. and I will sleep out here.
Oh, great.
You're really wonderful, you know that?
You were in trouble,
I had to do what I could.
- You're so gentle and loving!
- You're very easy to be gentle with.
"She was in there.
Her long hair stretched out like a
Japanese on my basement pillowcase.
She knew she was dead, she knew that
she wouldn't live through the night.
The bullet hole in her satin shoulder
was ugly and festering.
I knew she was on her way out.
She was dying right before my eyes,
shrinking as she laid between my sheets,
smiling bravely up at me.
And then, sometime around one o'clock,
she was gone,
leaving the room like a beam
of moonlight on fluttered leaf.
In death, she was a princess.
In life, she'd been a queen.
And in my memory she would live forever.
A sweetness in my world of grime,
a tender chapter in the grisly,
scabrous life of Mark Savage."
I want a meeting, Marsh.
Maybe, we can make a deal.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You and McPherson were
trying to kill me.
First I thought it was David.
Now, I know you're in it too.
No, darling,
it's the entire board of directors.
Oh, we have your friend Tony with us.
He's changed teams
so I'm afraid you're without resources.
When I was on the streets,
I put out for lots of guys like Tony.
I figured one day I might need
some favours.
I'm calling in all my debts.
You deal with me, or you're looking at
15 gunnies with cannons.
I can take all six of you,
if that's the way you want it.
How about...? Erm...
...the boardroom at 2:00 am?
I'll be bringing some friends.
Won't we all, my dear, won't we all.
Oh, and Marsh...
They're two private eyes.
2356 Vine Wood in Hollywood.
I need them picked up.
In case you and I can't come to terms,
they'll be a loose end.
Well, perhaps that will be
part of the settlement.
We'll see.
Get off me!
How does it go, honey?
Pack your bags and get out.
This is private property, I guess
you know that you're trespassing.
Doesn't he just light up a room
this guy? Check in there.
Avon, run, run!
She got away, she got away!
About four hours ago.
You can't seem to get this straight
in your head, can you?
She turned these guys loose on us, man.
- No, she wouldn't.
- Let me give you the long, sad story.
Avon is a 112pounds of ice
in a terrific package.
I wouldn't believe anything you say.
See, we all know her very, very well.
- She's a working girl.
- Yes, at the ad agency.
Working girl, like in hooker.
Let's go.
- Do you mind if I get dressed?
- Outside.
If she told you about us,
I guessed she told you
about the money too.
- I thought I told you to shut up?
- Money? What are you talking about?
- She didn't mention money.
- You won't tell them that.
- It's only way out.
- It took us to years to get that.
- I don't care.
- Pull over! Right here.
You were saying...
Okay, I'm gonna tell you.
For two years we've been working
this scam on a Central Bank computer.
Avon knew about this,
that's why she put you guys onto us.
There's over 200 grand in our safe
at the office.
She never said anything about any money.
Yeah. If you take us there
and let us go, it's all yours.
Come on, man. If this guy wants to give
us 200 G's what are we supposed to do?
So we tell Avon we hit their pad and
they went.
That's right. You hit the pad
and we weren't there.
Lionel and I are on
the next plane to Hoboken.
- So, where's your office?
- 1657 Orchard Avenue, North Hollywood.
Go.
Hey!
Hey, wake up!
It's him!
Hold it, Skeet.
Five of us and six of them.
We gotta wait.
Let's wait.
What's going on here?
Okay. I'm gonna tell you, okay?
I knew you're gonna say that.
Don't get kinky, okay?
I think I have a way to really make
you guys rich.
I'm not talking about a lousy 200 grand
which you gotta split six ways.
I'm talking about money, big money,
okay?
- I haven't got patience for this.
- Okay.
You think you're dealing with a bunch
of dummies? Get him out of here!
They're both dead!
Avon, why are we here?
First you and your friend
are going to be processed for packing
then you're going
into worldwide distribution.
Courtesy of our friends
in the shipping business.
I don't think so, Avon. You see,
we gave this to the cops yesterday.
You don't even know what's' going on
here. What would you tell the cops?
This is no big mystery. Here we have
three ad execs, all soiled husbands,
and here we have one very fast,
one very loose lap,
known as a corporate hooker.
It doesn't take a genius
to figure out that Avon
was putting it on the line
for the agency's clients.
In between times, she and these three
four-dollar idiots were playing house.
Now she's got
the whole boardroom jammed up.
She threatens to tell their wives,
get the big bundle.
Am I close, fellas?
But the price was a little bit too high,
so you go and hire a gunslinger.
But you forget Avon
knows some muscle too.
Everybody starts blasting.
And old David,
he just didn't move fast enough.
What did they give you, Avon?
How much did it cost?
What they gave me
is a seat on the board of directors.
And you and your friend here,
are finished.
Let's go, Doyle.
Let's take care of business.
What if they told the cops?
What do we do then?
They're just two guys with a story
who left and never came back.
Do we have a choice?
Come one. Do I have to do it myself?
Mick.
- Go on outside and take a look around.
- Alright.
Skeeter!
Hey! My man!
Okay, alright. You're mad, right?
I can understand that.
I'd be mad too
if I had to sleep in a car all night
and drink cold coffee
and cold sandwiches.
That's hard on anybody's
sense of humour.
It's only fair to warn you
I have a black belt in karate.
- He does, you know.
- Sure he has.
I've had enough of your gaff.
Let's take them!
"Veronica was dead
and it wasn't until later that I found
that she'd set me up
from the beginning.
She was a wrong number
with an angel's smile.
But there is no heart of gold
that I'm fallen for a slipper.
So, okay, maybe I'm not such
a tough guy after all,
maybe I'm just an emotional wreck
trying to find the good ones,
the ones who have been soiled
and tossed away.
And maybe, one day I will,
but until then,
I'll just be Mark Savage,
private eye."
Could you turn off the light?
I think she was all bad, I mean,
wasn't there some part of her that
was trying to be that little girl?
You have the police report.
She was from Brooklyn,
known in the trade as the hitmans hooker.
She gave it away to torpedos.
Now, would you get serious?
Savage says there's no free lunch.
And the hospital administrator!
Now, turn off the light!