Tenspeed and Brown Shoe (1980): Season 1, Episode 13 - The Treasure of Sierra Madre Street - full transcript

What do you doing?!

Which one of you two bums
are E.L. Turner?

I'm Cornell King,
City Attorney's Office.

You hurt him,
you have me to contend with.

- Who are you?
- I'm Cashus Ten, from planet Obotrol.

Tokar!

I'm Deputy Whitney
and this is Judge Ducharme.

- Are we going to your planet?
- That's right.

What's O.B. mean?

Obituary Bob.
Killed 7 people with an axe.

Well, that's my kind of case.



Giddy-giddy-gai.

Age deals a different hand to all,

but no-one pays the price
like a fading beauty does.

Wanda was on the wrong side of 40
and her fire was almost ashes

as she looked at me
through still blue eyes.

Well, we get it?

No. Some Temple City PI got it.

He dropped his rates
lower than our divorce specials

so she went with him.

What was his name?

Wysocky, Fred Wysocky.

This one I'm fighting to get even.
He'll hear from me.

Where are you going?
It's the third time this morning.

Since when do we answer that phone?



I'm expecting some personal calls.

I don't wanna tap this one,
it's a business phone.

Well, you don't want any of these,
my specialty?

Private Investigators Referral Service
Commission. Redstone speaking.

How may I assist you?

I need a detective, but I'm confused.

There's over 100 in the phone book

and your advert says
you're a referral service.

I want my girlfriend followed.
I'm between gigs now.

I could make payment when
my unemployment is approved.

Try a Fred Wysocky.
It's on page 981 in your phone book.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Private Investigators Referral Service
Commission. Redstone speaking.

How my I assist you?

Yes. My name is Grace Ducharme.
I saw your ad.

- You recommend private investigators.
- Yes, ma'am.

We have about 5.000 specialists
in our computer bank.

I need somebody who is very experienced
in background investigations.

Yes, but the better ones
are quite expensive

and require a cash retainer in advance.

Price is of no concern.
What I want is the very best.

Let me put that through the computer
and see what pops out.

Well, you want the Lionel Whitney
Agency. He's the crème de la crème.

You'll find him on page 980
in your telephone book.

You mean the one with the man
in the trench coat?

That's a bit much, isn't it?

If it's artwork
that you're looking for,

you should go to the McDermott Agency,

but the Lionel Whitney Agency
is the most prestigious in the community

and his associate, Mr E.L. Turner.

He's the foremost expert in
background inquiries on the West Coast.

Thank you. You've been very helpful.

Glad to be of assistance to you.

Goodbye.

Whoa!

What do you have going on? I mean,
how many personals calls do you expect?

Oh, that wasn't for me, that was
for the insurance guy down the hall.

Really? Dig in.

I've been thinking
about the image that we present.

- Mainly about that phone ad.
- What about it?

Don't you think the guy
in the trench coat is a bit much?

No, I think it has the certain... flair.

It adds a flavour.

And a tendency to put people off.

Lionel Whitney Agency.
Whitney speaking.

This is Grace Ducharme, Mr Whitney.

The PI Referral Service
suggested that I call you.

A referral service recommended me?

Yes, and very highly too.

I would like to engage you
to do a deep background inquiry for me.

A DBGI, eh?
Well, I'd be happy to discuss with you.

Our offices are minutes
away from the freeway interchange.

I'd rather not come by your office.
Where else can we meet?

We can meet at my favourite watering
hole, the Macao Trader - it's off Vine.

- Let's say in like an hour?

- Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Well, alright!

Yeah!

Your guest is at your special table,
Mr Whitney.

Hello. I'm Lionel Whitney.
This is my associate, E.L. Turner.

- Pleasure.
- You're getting all wet.

I told them to turn down the waterfall.

Sit here? That'd be better.

- She can...
- Please, I'll take this.

There we go.

This is really one
of your favourite watering spots?

I drop in here often to keep my finger
on the pulse of the city.

Mrs Ducharme or is it Mrs Ducharme
or Miss Ducharme?

Actually it's the Judge Ducharme.
Los Angeles County Superior Court.

Superior Court.

- What an unusual card.
- Thank you, Your Honour.

- I designed it myself.
- Yes.

Designed in fact to look
deceptionally corny -

Mr Whitney's keen system, as it were.

Let me try to explain it.

We deal with thousands of people
in a very large area.

That Tommy gun represents the fact that
you contacted us in the Hollywood area.

If it was a revolver,
it would mean in a city.

If it were handcuffs, the beach.
A dagger, the valley and so on.

I'm sure you're not here to deal with
our inner security scenery, are you?

How may we help you, Your Honour?

First of all, you have to agree
that whatever I say to you,

is to be held in
the strictest confident.

Won't go beyond this table.

I believe there's been
a deliberate miscarriage of justice

in a case that was assigned to me
and pulled at the last minute.

What I need from you is proof
of the corruption that I suspect.

Yes, yes.

Helping a superior court judge,
expose corruption at city hall...

That's my kind of case.

What I want you to do
is a thorough background inquiry

into the life of a man
named Larry Rodman.

He was killed
in a shopping centre 8 months ago.

I remember, I read about that.

He was shot by some lunatic
who claimed he was from outer space.

Dean Culpits.

He was pronounced innocent on grounds
of insanity, but I don't accept that.

Nor do I believe
it was a random killing.

There are also rumours
that Culpits knew Rodman.

You're saying Culpits
pretended to be insane.

And still is pretending.

He's in the state hospital now,
recovering.

There was also talk of a million dollars
floating around in a suitcase somewhere.

If you should run across it
in your investigation,

naturally you'll be entitled to 10%
of the recovery fee allowed by law.

10%. That's my kind of case.

These are copies of the pertinent
files on Rodman, his life.

I want you to dig into them.

See if you can find Culpits
hiding in there somewhere.

OK, let me get the straight.

You think that if there is a link
between Dean Culpits and Rodman,

then the insanity plea is a put-up deal

and that there is some fixing downtown
maybe judicial...

That's exactly it!
How perceptive of you.

Perception is the watchword
of this industry and of this agency.

Yes, along with other such words
as money, fees and retainers.

I admire a man
who looks after the store.

There is a retainer fee
in this envelope.

Thank you very much.

I promise you and assure you
that you haven't made a mistake

by engaging the Whitney Agency.

You won't regret this
and that I promise you

that we'll assist you
in your battle for truth and justice.

Once the judges and lawyers
find out about you,

that's when you've really arrived.

I knew I could make a success
out of this.

- Isn't she wonderful?
- Yes.

The courage that it takes
to challenge the system, her peers!

- And a 100 grand recovery fee.
- She chose me, Lionel Whitney.

That referral
had something to do with it.

How did they know about me?

People are beginning to talk about
the Lionel Whitney Agency.

We're getting some positive energy
out there.

Once the referral services find you, if
that's not arriving, don't know what is.

Well, the cream will rise.
I knew it would.

You've been such a good friend.

Your faith and trust through
rough times, that kept me going.

If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be what I'm today.

We've got a case, a biggie. Whoopee!

Lionel.

Eh, eh, buddy.

Were you here all night?
What's wrong with you?

I wanted to get inside Rodman's skin,
know how he felt, what he thought.

But there is no background info
nothing in the transcripts.

- I see.
- So I want you to hit the streets.

Pick over a few garbage cans.

Check the condo where he lived,
anybody may have known him.

Then question people at his office,
janitor, manager, secretaries,

utility transfers, stuff like that.

Wait, wait.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

When you're on a case, you can go
from a deep sleep to full tilt

faster than anybody I know.

Alright, while I'm doing this,
what are you gonna do?

The same thing Savage
did in 'Death Do Us Part',

go down to the morgue
and walk on some toes.

- Maybe find out who claimed the body.
- Good idea.

Stitched with lead
I stumbled into the alley.

I gambled on the devil's down card

and it came up with my name on it.

Mark Savage, Hollywood's newest corpse.
I heard a scream...

I waited for hours.
Where have you been?

You gave me a lot of ground
to cover this morning.

So, here's your guy.
Rodman rented his condo furnished

and his office in the city the same day
a few months before he was killed.

- What about files?
- No files.

No files, no phone bills,
no utility transfers.

It's like the man didn't exist.

No files, which means
maybe he was using an alias.

- Who claimed the body, I want to know.
- They wouldn't tell me.

Did you jam your card down their throat?

He said it's against policy
to divulge information.

- Gimme your tie.
- What?

Give me the tie.
I got something going here.

Take off your coat, I want it too.

- What do you want with my coat?
- Take off the coat.

- I think I know...
- It's a masquerade, isn't it?

- Give me that.
- A master of...

Curl up with Savage.

Eh... Mr Eisenstadt?

Yeah. Have a seat.
I'll be with you in a few minutes.

Oh, there's no hurry. Take your time.

No rush.

File number 4343-21-R.

Nina Rodman versus
the City of Los Angeles.

Preliminary interview
with Carl Eisenstadt.

Chief clerk of the morgue
record department.

That's Eisenstadt.

E, Edward, I, Ida, S, Sam, E, Edward,

N, Nina, S, Sam, T, Tom, A, Adam,
D, David, T, Tom.

Who are you and what do you want?

I'm Cornell King,
the City Attorney's Office.

I'd like to ask you some questions,
pending litigation.

What's with the tape recorder?

I'm terribly sorry,
but it is requirement.

So much civil-criminal cross filing and
we are required to tape all interviews.

It's SLP. Pretend it's not there.

Now, could you tell me exactly
the process used

in a processing of one
Larry Rodman's remains?

That's Rodman, male, Caucasian, 39.

Ticket number 3606501.

It must have been
about eight months ago.

Feel free to consult your records
if you like.

It seems that you released
Mr Rodman to the wrong party

and they had him cremated.

It was all in order!

And now, the widow is talking about
a price tag of five million dollars.

Wait a minute.

There, you see.

Double signature.

Tags clipped, boxes checked,
the coroner's seal.

And the release form
signed in triplicate.

- Do you mind if I take a look at this?
- No.

Thank you.

Michelle Moran, Larry Rodman's sister.

Thank you.

I can't condone your methods,
but I do like your results.

This time, would you keep your card
in your pocket?

Yeah. Come on!

Hello. We're looking for Michelle Moran.

You found her.

Oh, good. My name is Lionel Whitney.
I'm a private investigator.

Were you Larry Rodman's sister?

Oh, yes. I... I was.

Why?

We wanna find out
a few little things about him,

who his friends were,
how he spent time, that stuff.

Mr Sartain, the red light is on.

Where did he live
before he came to Los Angeles?

I really don't know.
We weren't too close.

New York, I think, maybe Chicago.

We were separated as kids.

I only saw him once after he came to LA.
Well, actually, twice.

The second time was at the morgue.

- Did he leave a will?
- No, he didn't leave anything.

That's funny.
We heard he left $1 million.

Somebody knows.

A million bucks, Larry?

Excuse me.

- Find out who they are.
- Yes, Mr Sartain, right away.

Look, I'm really busy right now,
but I'd like to help if I can.

Do you have a card?

I'll call just as soon
as I get a chance.

Oh, yes. Erm...

Call anytime you want.
24 hours a day we're open.

Our office is freeway-close
and we're at your service.

Thank you, Michelle.

Yeah.

Tommy gun and gold border.

OK, you two.

I don't care if you have to make
sandwich spread out of them.

I wanna know who they're working for.

Move it!

You say you think the mob's
put out a contract on you

and you need a bodyguard?

There's only one man qualified for that,
Fred Wysocky.

You can find him on page
981 of your telephone book.

It's my pleasure.

Glad I could help.

Don't mention it.

Wysocky!

Would you please stay close to me
on this thing?

I don't know what you've got going on

but we've got to reassess the situation
in light of the new info,

so stay close.

I think you...

You've been asking around
about Larry Rodman.

I wanna know why
and who you work for.

- Private information, right?
- That's right.

- We do kneecaps first.
- Hold it. That's totally unnecessary.

Take your hands off me!
Tell me about Rodman.

Answer the man!

Hurt him and contend with me
for the rest of your life!

- The rest of your life won't be long.
- I'll talk.

- No!We don't know what would happen
if we give her name.

I don't care about that woman.
Look what they'll do to me.

Look. Do you know Larry's Rodman mother?

No, we don't meet many mothers
in our business.

Are you working for her?

She's in hospital.

20 years she searched for Larry.

The day they were supposed
to meet, he was killed.

She hasn't got long to live.
She hired us to find Larry's little boy.

Now, you've done it.

What's the big deal?

I mean, it's just some old lady
and her last dying wish.

I've got a last dying wish too!
These guys are gonna kill me.

Drop the case,
because on our next visit...

no more Mr Nice Guy.

Come on. It stinks in here.

Nice guys.

- I met that guy at a bar mitzvah.
- Are you OK?

- Hold, hold, hold.
- Easy, easy.

Stand up over here.
Who were those guys?

Who were those guys?

- Is it your back?
- Yeah.

What?

- Maybe this can tell us something.
- You picked their pockets?

Did you think I turned myself
into a punching bag for fun?

Where was the last place
you dropped your card?

My card? The morgue this morning,
and then at the carpet store.

Sartain's Carpet Acreage payroll stub.

- Credit union.
- They're from Sartain's.

They work for Sartain,
same as Rodman's' sister.

Or whoever she is.

He couldn't have a mother!

Rodman didn't exist!

He was Larry Cline.

The whole Rodman identity

was just the front he used to chum
the account in the siphon bank.

You've been had!

Now, don't come back

until you know what they're up to

or they're dead.

Whichever comes first.

I'm surprised
they didn't steal your wallets.

We now know or can assume that Rodman
was more than a business man.

We now know or can assume that he was
dirty and somehow mixed up with Sartain.

We now probably know, probably can
assume that Sartain had him killed

and that Culpits
was a professional hitman.

Not so professional
or he wouldn't be in the banana farm.

Uh-huh. Hey! I wonder
if Sartain had contacts downtown.

Maybe Judge Ducharme has turned up
his name in an investigation.

If so and if she can tie him to Culpits,
we've found our link.

- Right.
- Right?

I'll give her a call!

No. A phone call
can put her in jeopardy.

Are we supposed to hang around here

until the Blues Brothers realised
I conned them?

No, no, no. no. no. no.

Superior Court, please.

You can be destroying her.

Do I look like I drifted here
on a white balloon yesterday?

I'm not gonna give them my name,
so stop.

- OK?
- OK.

Ducharme's chambers.

This is Dr Gunn. Is the judge in?

No, I'm sorry. She's in court.
May I take a message?

Yes. Tell her the results
from her test came back

and to give me a call immediately.

It's Dr Thomas E. Gunn.

Thomas E. Gunn.

I'll tell her.

Alright. Now I'll need the transcripts
on the Ashrab case, please.

Yes, Judge. Right away.

Thank you.

What's the point
in interviewing Culpits?

I bet he's as sane as we are.

I'm Tokar the Absonite!

I'm a truth traveller
from emerging universes

and I will destroy everybody
whose vision fouls the eternal!

You'll pay! You'll all pay!

You! You'll pay too!

I'm Tokar!

Well, I see you're in fine form today,
Mr Culpits, as usual.

You'd better put him
in a full body wrap.

I think it's going to be
another long one.

I know your face! And I know your face!

I'll be back for your face.

I'm Tokar the Absonite!

You blitzed the court shrinks,
but I know all the cons and I saw yours

when you walked through the door.

Your aura is bad, lady. Real bad.

The clamps came off the last time
I had you under sodium pentathol.

I know all about the money.

Money, I have no money.

I'm Tokar the Absonite.

No, you are not.
You're Culpits the killer.

Bouncing off of the walls,

pretending to go from panic to panic
to avoid going to the penitentiary.

Now where is the money?

I don't know what you mean by "money"!

I'm Tokar the Absonite.

I'm beginning to lose my patience,

and if I do, it'll be
a very, very bad day for you.

Your day is short and dark, anyway.

My dear, Tokar's is eternal and filled
with the most wondrous light.

I hoped that it wouldn't come to this.

What's that?

It's a new psychoactive drug
we've just gotten in.

It's very experimental.

Would you like to recite
the alphabet for the last time?

I am Tokar the Absonite.
Now, leave me alone!

I'm just gonna have to dynamite it
out of your brain.

Pick up the pieces I want
and leave the rest on the floor.

No, no! Don't!
Don't stick it in me, please.

I'll give you the money, Rynkoff!

Is that what you want?
I'll give you the money.

Would you put those away?

Put them away.
We need a little finesse here.

Finesse? I think it's time
that you understood the word "finesse".

It's a term use in the game of bridge

and not generally thought of
as a pseudonym for lying.

Cute. Trust me.
Where's your owner's manual?

In the glove compartment.
Why do you need the manual?

Get the counter out of the trunk.

Evacu...
Evacuate the hospital? Are you crazy?

We've got certifiables.
You don't turn them out like that.

All I'm saying is the back wash valve

at the sewage processing station,
well, it just blew.

And about 50,000 cubic yards of sewage
is going to be heading down your way.

What that means, if our engineers
can't turn off your valve,

well, your hospital is going to be
floating downstream

with yesterday's refuse.

Look, the director is gone.

You'd better do what the engineer says.

OK, but tell them to hurry.

- We're sewage inspectors.
- We're sewage inspectors.

You are the counter, I'm trying
to find the main line, got it?

OK. We've beat the tidal backlash

15 feet from the door. Move it!

About time you guys got here.
How much time do we have?

Not much time. Through here.

OK.
We need to get to the capillaries...

What's wrong with you buddy?

That's a fuel pump.

Of course it does!
It works on the same principle!

Why do I have to deal with idiots?

Ha! The valve.

Look, if I'm not out of there
in one hour, you get some help.

I'm not leaving you alone.

Take this. Meanwhile stall that idiot.

OK, 25 feet due south.
Come on. Keep with me.

Sewers here. Hurry up!

Listen, you have to show me

all the locations
in the sewage maintenance.

Right. Follow me.

That's where the money is, OK?

You got your money. Please,
get me out of here. You promised.

'Cause I'm going nuts, really.

I'm not sure that I'm obliged
to keep a promise to a man

who would kill for money.

Rynkoff, you promised!

Tokar the Absonite is ready to return
to the general population. Thank you.

Please, you promised. Rynkoff,
you promised. Now, get me out of here!

I'm gonna go nuts
if you don't get me out! Rynkoff!

Turner!

Right! I should have known.

Recovery fee,
secret mission for truth and justice.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

How did I miss it?
What were we supposed to do?

Come up with some link
between Rodman and Culpits

so you'd have some blackmail leverage
on Culpits?

Does he really have a million dollars
stashed somewhere?

Here it is, sweetheart.

Fortunately, Lionel is outside
with the cops. Your jig is up, lady.

Fortunately, I'm not the one
running around in state jammies.

Guard.

- Yes, Ms Rynkoff.
- Don't do this.

This is a new admittance.

Find him a bunk and if he gives you
any trouble, sedate him.

Wait, friend.
I'm not supposed to be in here.

My street clothes are in the john
in the rec room.

I'm Representative Wheeler
from the congressional fourth district.

Oh, a politician!

Yes!

How would you like to meet
President McKinley?

He's right down the hall..

No, no. I am Representative Wheeler!

You can't do this! Rynkoff!

O.B.? O.B.

O.B.

We can't wait for it to be perfect.
We gotta go now.

Are we going to your planet,
Tokar, like you promised?

That's right, like I promised.
But we have to make one stop first.

I want you to go get that screwdriver
and I want you to get it now, fast.

Goodbye to you, Mr Turner.

Oh, Your Honour.

Your Honour!

Oh, Mr Whitney.
Mr Turner said that you might be here.

Well, come on.

What? Where are we going?

Well, I got a call
from an inside contact.

They say Culpits had cracked
and is going to make a confession.

I jumped in a cab and I came right over.

You and I are gonna go pick up
the million dollars,

take it to the D.A.'s office, dump it
on his desk in front of 12 news cameras.

Then I defy anybody
to try to cover it up.

What about E.L? He's in there.

He's witnessing his deposition.
I had to deputize him.

He's going to carry a signed
confession over to the D.A.'s office,

meet us there in an hour.

We haven't got much time.

OK. My car is the green one
across the street. We can use that.

I guess I'd better deputize you too.

Raise your right hand.

Lionel Whitney,
by the power invested in me,

I hereby deputize you.

OK, let's go.

Where to, Your Honour?

To the San Fernando valley,
to Sierra Madre Street.

First you have to stop
by an army surplus store.

We followed Whitney
and Turner out here.

Whitney left with a woman.
You know who she might be?

No, I don't know who she is.

Stay on their tail, Montrose,
and keep the line open.

Yes, sir.

I got it, Tokar. I got it!

- Yes, wonderful.
- When do we go?

- It's wonderful.
- Let's go!

I've got the key and I've got the plan.

Listen, I'm gonna get Mushie.

You've find Pancho and the teddy bear,

you know where it is.

I can't wait to get to the planet
Jupiter, Mars...

Hey, Mushie, it's the 15th round.

It's now or never. You can take him. OK?

It's now or never, Mushie. Come on.

Let's take him. That's it, Mushie.

Go get him, Mushie. Go get him, Mushie.

Argh!

Star bright, star light,
first star I see tonight.

Ha! Here we go!

It will be so great to get your planet,
Tokar.

Earth stinks.

Can it, O.B.
We've got to get out of here.

- Hey, look, Tokar.
- Who are you?

I'm Cashus Ten from the planet Obotrol.
I'm just another nut like you, Culpits.

I'm going with you, you hear?

No, you're not. Beat it.

You want me to flatten little earthling?

Come on, O.B. We've got no time.

You're not the only one
who's got something on Rynkoff.

She owes me money.
Take me or I'll call the guard.

Alright, two things.

My money is my money and I get
the first shot at Rynkoff.

We're going to his planet. I can feel
the celestial heavens at my fingertips.

I think I'll be getting off before then.
What does O.B. stand for?

Obituary Bob.
Killed seven people with an axe.

If I only have one I'd have broken
out of here.

Did the name Art Sartain
pop-up anywhere in Culpit's confession?

Yes. How did you know?

We haven't exactly been
sitting still on this.

It's been my experience that whenever
a large sum of money surfaces

narcotics usually aren't far behind.

Ergo Sartain is involved
in a major narcotics operation.

Sartain's boss of a cheque-kiting ring.
He runs it by computer.

That was my back-up theory.

So Sartain is the link
between Rodman and Culpits, right?

Yes, they both work for him.

The check-kiting scheme
originated here in LA.

Culpits tried to strong-arm the money
from Rodman

as he left the bank
but there were witnesses.

That's why he knew he would be caught.

That's why he hid the money,
feigned insanity,

and when he was cured, he could
come back, get it and disappear.

And he hadn't realised how horrible
life in an asylum could be for a man

and he... cracked.

Wait a minute, the whole missing piece.

The whole big fix downtown, who and why,
still there's that question.

Well, I don't have all the answers
yet either,

but with your help
I hope to by the end of the day.

You can count on me, Your Honour.

We made it. It's great!

We made what? This plan was designed
to happen on night-time.

Now we're jerks in pyjamas hanging out
in the bushes in broad daylight.

Could we get the truck?

I can get it for you. I'll waste
that dude and stuff him in a hole.

- No, there's a cleaner way.
- Hey, I'm thinking!

Wait a minute, OB.
We'll be at the planet soon.

Help, help!

I need a first aid kit! Help, help me!

I think we got us a truck. Come on!

For you. That's the way you do it.

I'm thinking here, for everybody.

- Coming home soon.
- Let's go.

They weren't even built
eight months ago. Just staked out.

Culpits stepped off four paces inside
the front door and buried the suitcase.

- In which house?
- In the middle, he said.

- Is that lightning or thunder?
- No.

I got guns, I got bullets,
I got shoes. Let's go!

That can't be the right house.

He moved in
before the house was complete,

He was sleeping in his trailer
while it was being built.

He would have seen Culpits
bury the money

or he wouldn't have picked that house.

He also said it was built
on a concrete slab.

That means that they all must be built
on concrete. It's a lot of trouble.

So what?
They're built on concrete slabs?

You're a judge.
You can call the sheriff in on it.

He'll bring Culpits out here,
refresh his memory.

He'll tell us where it is.

Or, wait a minute, it's a bank thing.

That means that the FBI
has jurisdiction over it.

I mean surely it can be fixed
on that level. Call them in on it.

There must be dozens of options
open to you. You're a judge.

Fine. But what are they doing now?

Nothing. Just standing by the car.

Los Angeles maintenance.
It's a work crew, we're in luck.

- It's OK, we can do this.
- No, no.

- I think Culpits just showed up.
- That means you're sitting on the money.

Don't let them out of your sight.

I'm on my way.

Now, where were we?

Something about you don't have to keep
promises to a man who kills for money?

This one's going to be
for pleasure.

Deputy Whitney. This is Judge Ducharme.
Don't come one step...

This is Mr Magnum.

She ain't no judge.
That's Alison Rynkoff.

What do you mean she's no judge?

You deputised me and everything.

Yeah, well,
it hasn't exactly been my day either.

Hey, look.
You don't want to do them here.

- Put them in the truck.
- You're thinking again.

I'm thinking about the money!

I'm thinking about who's the boss here.
Cool it, alright?

Meet a friend of mine, Obituary Bob.

A gentleman I know you will love,
who will treat you so gently.

O.B., if you would escort them
to the car?

Hurry it up.

You're going to go in there
and pick up the money,

while we keep these people occupied, OK?

You've gotta be small to get into there.
It's the treasure of Sierra Madre.

It is set down
in six inches of concrete slab.

Alright, we're going to go in,
go under the living room

and get rid of the occupants
to that house.

Kill them? Kill.
That's all that's on your mind.

Well, do you think they'll invite us in,
let us dig the floor, give us iced tea?

I got you the truck!
Want iced tea? You got iced tea!

What is it this time?

You people have already torn up
that street six times

and we haven't even lived here a month.

I beg your pardon, ma'am,
but that was the Street Department.

We're with Building Safety.
I'm Bill Haslett. Pleasure to meet you.

This is my structural expert Mr... Luna.

And that's one of our
very fine workers for 25 years.

- Now, you are Miss Walker?
- Yes.

You're busy.
We'll be as quick as we can.

We have bad news. Your house
is going to be the first to be recalled.

What?! My house?!

A grand jury has issued an indictment
against the builders.

Kickbacks, shabby materials.
But I have got good news.

This particular indictment allows
for our pilot program to go through.

This helps the homeowner
to regroup the money that he loses.

For instance, you may be eligible
to regain something like $200,000

plus the money
that you need to relocate.

200?

We need to take a representative
section of the slab downtown.

You mean, take a piece of my slab?

- Just a representative slab.
- With you?

If it's inconvenient
we can go next door.

Oh, no, no, no.

- Come in.
- Come in?

But could you maybe take it from some
inconspicuous place, like the back bath?

The back bath?

Well, you know, actually, ma'am,
Mr Luna here is the expert.

He'll have to tell.

- Will you please tell me?
- Mm-hm.

He is the expert.

O.B., go get the sledgehammer.

What, you were going to get the money
and then drop me off

to make some idiotic phone call
and then when I got back, you'd be gone?

- Is that what you planned to do?
- Something like that, yes.

You're incredible!

And you almost shot one of your own
patients full of some exotic drug

just to get at his money?

It was coloured water in the hypo.

Cousin of the axe, I need you.
It won't be long now, Rynkoff.

There really was
only coloured water in it.

Don't you know the incredible honour
and opportunity

and privilege it is to be a therapist?

Honour?!

I did 18 years of my life
in that grief-stricken corner of hell.

I should have been pushed upstairs
years ago.

I've been passed over
four times in six years

and the last time was this morning!

The only thing that improved
was the chief of staff's golf scores!

I just wanted to go out on an upper!

I wanted to go where the beautiful
people go. Before it was too late.

Mine are starting to come loose,
are yours?

Yeah, a little.

It's never too late to change,
or to make a difference.

I'm living proof of that.
I was a stockbroker once.

Yeah, and now you're a PI,
out to save the world, right?

Yes, what's wrong with that?

Nothing, Whitney. Nothing.

My husband is going to flip
when he comes home, I mean, just flip!

Oh, it's just a matter
of tidying up, now, that's all.

Do you have any more of this iced tea?

I get mighty thirsty
watching all this hard work.

Could you, ma'am, please?
I mean, it was so tasty.

Hurry up and get that suitcase
before she comes back.

Come on, O.B.

I've got a! I've got it! Tokar!

Mr Culpits.

I couldn't ask for a better reunion.
Against the wall. All of you! Move!

Turnaround. Get up there. Go on!
You too.

A little mouldy but spendable.

No, no!

Tokar's gone to his planet
without you, look!

- You're lying.
- I wouldn't lie!

- No lie! Look!
- I should cut you up.

Tokar!

Hang on, the police are on their way.

You called the cops?

- I sent Alice.
- You'll never learn.

Hey!

Hey, hey!

Widow St. Clair, she was a survivor.

Just ask her late husband,

and the guy with all the bruises,
that's me, Mark Savage.

A sucker for every dame
with a sad story.

You give them a hanky
to dry their tears

and before you know it

they have stormed through your guts
wearing spiked heels

and fed you small pieces of
your own heart on little silver forks.

Well, as I live and breathe,
if it isn't Florence Nightingshade.

You have the recovery fee,
what more do you want?

I want to give you half.

Half?

Half of $100,000 is $5,000?

Well, they only gave me 1%,
which is $10,000.

Less damages to the house.

You paid damages? This, I don't believe.

Lionel, you remember when you said
it's never too late to change?

Yes. Well, I just want you to know,
I'm trying.

You probably don't believe me,
but I am trying.

- You are?
- Yes.

- How much were the damages?
- What difference does it make?

How much were they?

They were $4,880.

Oh, that's a shame. If the world gives
you lemons, make lemonade.

Wait a minute, that's not fair.

You can't start a new life with $120
and no references.

Wait, we'll give her references.
What are you doing?

Writing a cheque for half of our half.

This buys a little daylight.

Sorry, but this is just
the way I want to do it.

Once a sucker, always a sucker.

- Sucker!
- Thanks.

I hope that you will be able to find it
in your heart to forgive me.

After all, I do think
we kind of poured from the same mould,

Commissioner Redstone.

That's OK, Miss Ducharme, I forgive you.

Sealed with a handshake.
That's beautiful.

Or better yet, sealed with a kiss.

That's wonderful. OK. OK.

Whitney, thank you.

You really have taught me
quite a lesson.

You're welcome. Don't try, do it.

OK? You're fantastic.

Yeah, she's wonderful. Just wonderful.

Well, have a good life. Toodaloo.

Toodaloo now.

That's the thing
that makes you feel good,

making a contribution
to another human life.

Putting another human being
on the right path.

At least I got us back
on the right path, buddy.

You don't go giving away the fee.

- You don't know her.
- What are you talking about?

- That's what I'm talking about.
- What is that?

You picked her pocket?

Damn proud of it too. Pretty good, huh?

- Proud of it?
- Yes, I'm proud of it.

- Are you misguided?
- Misguided?!

That woman threw me into the loony bin!

- I worked for that!
- As you sew shall you reap.

Take this and give it back to her.

I'm going to put it in my right pocket.

- Who are you?
- Fred Wysocky.

Which one of you two bums
are E.L. Turner?