Tenspeed and Brown Shoe (1980): Season 1, Episode 12 - Untitled - full transcript

- Nice, huh?
- The lucky groom is from where?

You married me off to a cleaning lady
for $250,000?

E.L! What happened? You broke your leg.

You'd better watch out.

She is a Russian countess.

Best remembered by his words,
"You kiss her, I've got to get to Fox".

Giddy-giddy-gai!

Giddy-giddy-gai.

Thank you.

- Quite nice.
- I beg your pardon, sir?

You'll do quite nicely also.
Fix your tie up a little bit there.



Thank you, sir.

I hate to do this to him.

E.L!

What happened? You broke your leg!

It was nothing. It's okay.

It's just a hairline fracture.

- And how did it happen?
- Don't help me, just...

Take you...

Hold it, hold it. Easy, easy! Easy.

Go easy, buddy. Just let me sit down.

Let me sit down.

- That was smart.
- Easy. How did it happen?

Oh! It was roller-disco night.

Those charity things
they give for the boys.



Sister Maria Teresa Valdez
and I teamed up.

She's some roller-skater.
She's terrific!

Even in a nun habit, she's so graceful!
Well, it was the finals.

I want to give it a little flash.

I decided to do a flying Axel,
landed on my right foot.

And you broke your left?
How did it happen?

Don't ask me!

All I know, I'm waking up
in the emergency room

and all those doctors...

Oh, boy, those doctors!

You should see the list
of "do's" and "do not's" they gave me.

Anyway, I have to take
a leave of absence.

- A leave of absence?
- Yeah!

There's a lot of hopping
and falling involved in this thing,

I gotta keep the foot elevated
and stay in one spot.

I see. I get it.

But why do you have to take
a leave of absence?

Boy, this loft sure is messy!

Katie didn't show up on Friday night.

I was gonna straighten it out myself.
She must be sick.

- I'll help you tidy up.
- No, no! You sit, sit! No, no!

I insist.

- No! You've to stay seated.
- It's alright.

Oh, come on! Take it easy, take it easy.

- Here we go. Here.
- Just let me sit up here.

- Easy.
- There you go.

This isn't working.
This isn't gonna work.

I'm getting knocked over faster
than a main street hooker.

Look, buddy.

I think I'm just going to go home
and do what the doctor says.

Keep the old foot elevated.
And you know, drink a lot of liquids.

Yeah.

Let the old bone mend.
Two weeks, huh?

Okay, let me drive you home and...

- No, no!
- I insist.

- Stop it!
- It's the least I can do.

Stop it!

- You're pitying me.
- No.

I hate it when people pity me.
I want to do things for myself.

People are so insensitive.

- I'm sorry.
- I didn't mean to yell at you.

It's just that I'm in such pain.

I'll just drink a lot of liquids.
I'll be alright.

Boy, the office is a mess!

Don't worry about that.

Okay, I'll see you.

- Okay, I'll see you.
- Okay.

- Be careful.
- Alright.

I'll call you tonight.

Don't call, I'll be resting.
Just let me sleep.

Okay.

See you.

Mark Savage was a hopeless optimist,
a guy who wouldn't say 'die',

an eternal jerk who kept re-arranging
the deck chairs on the Titanic

while the real sharp cookies
were lowering the life boats.

Drink lots of liquids.

E.L!

Disco, nuns on roller skates.
Why do I fall for that kind of stuff?

I'll be right back, James.

Excuse me, who does this car belong to?

The reason I'm asking is,

does it belong to or is it being rented
or conned by E.L. Turner?

Currently, we are employed
by the countess

Katharina Sergejewna Romanowa
Theodora Nevrov of the house of Romanow.

A countess?

Get lost, will you?

Nice, huh?

Isn't it cute?

I think it's absolutely adorable.

I'm so worried about this.

What are you worried about?

- I don't know.
- Katie, look.

Come here. I want you to step up here.
Come on.

Let's step up here.
Just stand up there, alright?

Now, is that absolutely gorgeous?

I'm looking at her.

I guess.

You heard it, Cinderella!

I guess.

Come on. Put it on. Put it on!

Come on.

Just hurry up.

Ah! My vestments man.
Wonderful, wonderful. Thank you.

Hurry, Katie.

We got ten minutes to be there. Hurry!

- I hope you know what you're doing.
- Trust me.

I'm so delighted to see
your ankle's doing better.

Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know how those things are.

Enough with the chit-chat.

- The countess and I are late.
- The countess?

May I present the countess
Katharina Katherine Tatiana

of the Imperial House of Romanow?

- Lionel Whitney.
- Katie?

Mr Whitney, I'm sorry about office
on Friday, but it get so late.

And with the wedding,
I just don't get time.

But I will do it.

Absolutely alright. Don't worry.

- You got a minute?
- No, I haven't.

Take one, anyway.

This is one con too many.

You're passing our cleaning lady off
as a Russian countess?

She is a Russian countess.

If you don't believe me,

read this.

I don't wanna see any phony paper.

I have no time.

It's an important day
for the Imperial House of Romanow.

That's very clever.

The lucky groom is from where,
the House of Doughnuts?

Marvin W. Boxx, friend.

The Hollywood talent agent?

That's right. It's a free country.

What I'm doing
happens to be perfectly...

Do you know why I gave you
that plastic cast number?

- No.
- I knew you would react like this.

I haven't got time to stand around
and chit-chat with you.

- This is a full time game.
- You're a busy man.

It's not a score.

It's just a little wedding
so get off my case.

Don't get involved in one of his cons.
I don't know how he talked you into it.

Get your hands off the countess.
They bruise easily.

It's okay, Mr Whitney.
I'm sorry I not clean on Friday.

Weekend,
I come and do it good for you, okay?

- You don't have to go.
- Okay?

- Don't do this.
- It's no big deal. It's legal!

Do you know how many counts and
countesses are in this country?

They come a dime a dozen.
It was a big family, okay?

Hold your judgment
until you hear the story.

I don't want to keep
the future count waiting.

Count Marty? That's it.

A royal wedding at a court house?

Do you have any statements to make?

She'll make her statement
later to the press.

There she is, French.

Yeah. She don't look like
no countess, you know?

Are you the big expert?
What do you know about countesses?

Look, lay off, okay?

Sure, lay off. Like anybody could
get through to a no-brain like you.

Yes.

Professor Davidson?

Yes. Victor, there's no need to shout.

She's here, sir.

Arrived with a black man.

I see.

How interesting.

Perhaps an African valet. Fascinating!

Yes. What do you want us to do?

I want you to pick her up, of course.

Finding her, Victor, is only the first
in a series of elaborate steps

that I have in mind.

Yes, of course,
but if things get rough, what then?

I do wish that just this once,

you might keep your pearl-handled
automatic in your pocket.

After all, she is a royal personage.

Yes, sir.

Yes.

He says to pick her up.

Lady, please.

Marty Boxx! The wonderful bridegroom!
So good to see you!

Don't leak this.

Since Watergate,
they print anything they like.

We agreed I would handle the publicity.

Marty, Marty, I didn't call anybody.

Thank God she's got a veil.

- At least they can't see how old she is.
- I beg your pardon?

The basketball game
is in the parking lot.

Get out of here.
It's a private ceremony.

No, it's more like an auction.

I'm not going to stand for
this treatment of a lovely woman.

Show Big Bird
where the water fountain is.

My friend was just leaving.

You've got some things to do
at the office.

Wait for me in the hallway, please.

This stinks! It stinks.

Can we get this over?
You got proof of birth?

Proof of birth, yes.
Copies, but notarised.

Thank you, darling. Here you are, yeah.

- Here's the cheque for $250,000.
- Alright.

Will you sign?

- Name.
- Lovely.

This makes it official.
I pronounce you count and countess.

- You may kiss the bride.
- You kiss her. I've got a meeting.

Archie, hold them off,
I'm going out the back. Jim.

Count Martin, Count Martin.
I love it. I really love it.

Love the dress, love the dress.
You look fabulous.

Oh, you have true heart.

And one more.

For the bride.

You are nice man.

So what? The groom's a jerk.

I think it went off great.
Come, gorgeous.

- Okay!
- He's a jerk.

Countess,
how does it feel to be a bride?

The countess will make a statement
to the press much later.

You'll come with me, Prince Whitney.

Is it true you and Mr Boxx
met at the Bolshoi?

Press "lobby", please.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Where should we go to celebrate?
What do you say? Tahiti?

My associate and I have
other plans for the countess.

Countess? I don't see any countess.

I remember a princess in a rose parade,
but you're making a big mistake.

Our car is over here
and you will get in.

That's a nice perfume you're wearing.
Pungent, but it's nice.

This is a federal building,

you're committing
a federal crime on federal property.

Forces of the government
will be brought to bear against you.

Not interested
in jurisdictional prerogatives.

I'm only interested in what I want,
nothing else.

I want you to get in that sedan.

Lionel, I think it's time
we gave Bruce some air.

Sure, sure, perfectly legal.

- I'm living a straight and honest life.
- Leave those. I'll get them later.

When you're living an honest life,

guys don't usually pull
silver-plated guns at you in elevators.

What in heaven's name
is going on here?

Katie, leave that, it's fine.

It's no bother. I get good. No bother.

Katie is an honest Russian countess.

- I showed you the papers!
- Stop it, stop lying!

It's true.

I am of House of Romanow.

But such things have no value anymore.

I live in this country since Revolution.

I clean, I make good living,
I raise child.

He die in Korea.
I learn English, I work hard.

Is not important
I am of Imperial family.

It's America!

We are all equal.

You really are? You're a...

I had no idea, I beg your pardon.

Take a look at this. Look at this.

Just look at that. $250,000.

I make 25 grand off of this, man.
That's a nice day.

I have someone for your sister.

You better give her a call
up in Seattle.

Sister?
Are you selling her whole family?

No, I am in the business
of selling titles.

Katie gets $250,000, less my commission.

Marty Boxx gets to become a count.

Six months or so go by,
we get a nice little quiet divorce.

He gets to keep the title
and if Katie should decide,

if she wants to do it again,
we turn the whole thing over.

It's legal. Tell me why not.

Because she's a countess, that's why.

And she's a person.

And she shouldn't be married off

like some pioneer woman
in a grade-B Western.

Lionel, come on. You've got
your film history all mixed up here.

We're talking about a costume epic.

We're talking about royalty, knights,
countesses and a count.

Count Marty, best remembered
by his regal words,

"You kiss her.
I've got to get over to Fox".

Come on, man! Would you give me a break?
Just give me a break.

I admit the guys who want
these titles are a little flaky.

It's the business. That's it.
I didn't create it.

But you did, that's the point. You did!

You're right. I did.
I did create it, didn't I?

I created and cornered the market
in one transaction.

If it's all so legal,
what about the guys in the elevator?

- Who are they?
- That does have me a little puzzled.

Your Highness, did you know them?
Had you seen them before?

No. No, it's not.

Then I hate to say this, but I think
your life may be in some danger.

And if you would accept
my offer of assistance,

I'd like you to stay at my house.

Just until we solve this thing.

It's not much, but it's comfortable
and it would be my personal honour

if you would be my guest there.

Well, if I can do dishes
or scrub floors, it's deal.

Yes, yes, it's a deal. Fine, let's go.

Fine, leave that. Come on.

It's nice! You live in nice place.

I right away start
on sinks and bathroom.

No, please don't keep saying that.

- I'd really prefer if you don't clean.
- But that's what I do.

Lionel, don't you think
you're overdoing this a bit?

Why? If she's an honest
and real countess,

there's isn't much romance
left in the world.

I don't see why we can't preserve
what romance there is left. Come on.

We should get an ivory-handled toilet
brush, have a bathroom festival.

I'll admit I'm a little disappointed

that Katie doesn't accept
her responsibilities as countess.

You're accepting it for her.
Don't treat her like a porcelain doll.

If I have porcelain, she'll polish it.

The point is,
she is who she is, alright?

It's time you started relating to her
as though she was Katie Romanow,

our cleaning lady.

You make me nervous
with this whole thing.

You're right.

I've never met a real countess before

and I guess I'm just a little excited,
that's all.

Smell?
- Gardenias?

Raise your hands over your head
and step backwards.

Wait here.

What is your name?

I asked you a question.
I said, "What is your name?"

Victor Gardenia.
Gardenia cologne, gardenia in the lapel.

- He takes himself serious.
- How did you know I was here?

Why are you trying to kidnap her?

Kidnap? No, you're making a mistake.

- You said you had plans
for the countess.

How did you get in the office?

I came here to hire you.

Perhaps we have a common goal,

a goal which would reward all of us
beyond our wildest hopes and dreams.

- It would?
- Yes. Now listen.

I've been instructed to pay you money
if you enter into my employ.

- Money?
- Yes.

If you'd be kind enough
to hand me my wallet.

My passport and papers
are in there with the money.

Thank you.

Now, I will pay you $500
for your time and a bonus of...

Yeah?

$10,000 should you recover
a very important object to me.

Personal memento
which has no great financial value,

but great sentimental appeal.

- It sounds good.
- Then we have a deal.

What are you looking for?

I'll tell you this afternoon.

We can meet at a place
of mutual convenience.

- Sure, this afternoon.
- Very good. May I have my gun?

We are partners,
so I see no reason to hold it on me

like some kind of gangster.

- Give him his gun.
- Thank you.

Raise your hands over your heads
and step backwards into the room.

You see this? You see this?

Don't you ever pull a gun on me.
You hear me?

- Yes. Might I have my bullets, please?
- You get out of here!

- You'll regret this.
- Get out of here!

Let's follow him.

Of course.

Okay. Do it.

Well, well. You gentlemen
have a sense of the dramatic.

This is quite overpowering.
Perhaps, next time, a simple knock.

I'm so sorry.
They must have followed me.

I was so upset.

Since you gentlemen are here
and since tea is almost ready,

perhaps you will join me.

How would you like yours?

I prefer mine strong and black.

Who are you?

That's an interesting question,
one which fascinates and delights me.

You know, one can never be
absolutely sure who one is.

We have no visual proof that we are,
after all, who our parents say we are.

It's at the root of the identity crisis.
A crisis which we all share.

But which most of us control.

However, as far as I know,
my name is Harlan Davidson.

I'm a professor of Russian History.

Harley-Davidson.

Yeah. I'm about to have a convulsion.

Yes.

Good name for a motorcycle.

Perhaps not so good
for a professor of Russian History.

You will, I hope...

spare me the misery
of jokes on my name.

I'm writing a thesis
on the Romanow family.

It's a scholarly work which has taken me
across 3 continents.

The last days in Moscow,
the terrorist, the bloodshed.

It's a massive work,
one which has consumed me,

and one with which, of course,
I will hope to stun the academic world.

- I will pay you well for an information.
- Betray the countess?

Do you honestly think
we believe that you're writing

a history of the Romanows?

Your stooge already told us
that you're trying to recover an object.

He said that it was valueless,
but I suspect that it's not.

You are such a fool!
And you talk far, far too much.

And you, gentlemen,
are full of surprises.

And now I have a surprise for you.

French!

Drop the gun or I splatter
this 10-storey suit.

Don't do it.
We must protect the countess.

Uh-huh.

I'm going to count to three, gentlemen.

On the count of three, French,
pull the trigger.

If this gentleman wishes to kill me,
he will have his opportunity.

History is full of such dippy moments.

We shall see how this one rights itself.

One.

Two.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

We'll die before giving you
the location of the countess.

Of course.

You swine!

Get in touch with Marty Boxx.
He may have an address.

Mr French, we'll look at Mr Whitney's
home address and go over there.

You don't think we'd be stupid enough
to take her to my house.

Perhaps.

If you did not know
we had found out who you were.

This quest, gentlemen,
has taken me 15 years.

A little more time...

and a few more lives...

will mean nothing.

Victor.

Perhaps you would like
to take them away,

indulge your vulgar taste
for violence.

Raise your hands above your heads
and step backwards into the hall.

- It sounds like a broken record.
- Yes. Come on.

Don't you think
we can work something out?

You and your friend have humiliated me
too many times and now you're dead.

- We've gotta get the key!
- Yeah.

You'd better watch out
for the first step.

Raise your hands over your heads...

and step backwards.

What's the door doing open?

- Look in there.
- Check in there.

- Katie!
- Countess!

They beat us here.

They got her!

- Katie!
- Where have you been?

- Outside. I don't shake mop inside.
- She doesn't shake mop inside.

We've gotta get you
out of here, okay?

What? Oh!

- Oh... It's man from wedding.
- Yes.

There's another one, Professor Davidson.
Would you know that name?

- No.
- Harley Davidson?

- Think.
- Wait.

Yes! Yes, I know this name.

It's motorbike cycle.

- Can we get out of here, please?
- Wait a minute.

Would you know about an object
or a personal memento of some sort

that might be worth a lot of money?

- I go home.
- Wait.

- I must go home.
- You know something that we don't.

- Clean!
- Talk to her!

- It's time to leave. I must clean!
- Tell us what you know.

What are they after, Katie?

- I don't know.
- Desperate men, countess. Killers.

We barely escaped with our lives.

- You'll take me home.
- Aren't you listening to us?

They'll find you here, anywhere.

They'll find you through Martin Boxx!

- Mr Boxx does not know my home.
- Of course he does!

You signed your address
on the wedding papers.

With those 2 gonzos,
Marty'll fold over!

For that reason alone,
it is important that I've got to...

- Trust us.
- I must go home.

- Why, why?
- You can't, Katie.

- Countess.
- Katie, you can trust us, believe me.

I do not know men.
I know what they seek.

It's treasure of the tsar.

- Treasure of tsar.
- I don't know how they know about this.

Kritsky would not speak,
or Porforzow.

Count Zazim, perhaps.

This foolish little man
all the time talk, talk, talk!

What kind of treasure?

If it was owned by the tsar,
it must be worth a lot of money.

Treasure implies money.

Oh, no. Worth is not in money.
Worth is in the past.

Imperial family has gone
many years now.

This alone remains
and they must not find.

If they find, I die.

Wait. What do you think?

What I suggest is that
if they've already gotten to Marty

and he told them where she lives,
we're cutting it close.

Let's hope Marty plays hero for a while.

That'll give us time. Let's go.

Too small, too small, too small.

That suite is 15,000 square feet.

- Count Martin.
- Haven't the releases gone out yet?

They go out this afternoon.
If we could get a photo session.

No pictures, okay?

Play on the mysterious countess angle,
but no pictures.

- Right.
- What else we got?

Well, I do have another suite
I can show you.

More brown on brown.
Make a note, Jerry.

I don't want anybody
seeing those offices.

Got it. Pam, jot that down, please?

We're not being unreasonable
about office space.

We're not asking for Versailles.

We're requesting something
appropriate to our position.

Mr Boxx!

Agents.

Before you show us anything else,
ask yourself,

"Would this be an insult
to the Imperial House of Romanow?"

- Yes.
- Mr Boxx.

- What is that perfume you're wearing?
- Could we see you a moment?

We are engaged.
Where the hell is Angie?

He went to get some coffee.
Shall I get him?

Is that a...?
- Yes, it appears to be. Excuse yourself.

I'll be right back, won't I?

I never carry more than $20 on me.

That business about me being a count,
but only since this morning.

- If you have some idea...
- Do you want me to shut him up?

- Would you like me to shut you up?
- No, we can work something out.

Tell me what you've got in mind.

I told you,
if it's money you're after, okay.

We must go to my office.

I keep some cash there for emergencies.

- Not much, but...
- You're giving me a headache.

Okay, French.

Okay. What do you mean okay?

Don't hurt me!

Have I given you guys any trouble?
Tell me what you want.

We want the old lady.

Old lady? What old lady?

Oh, dear God!

I think you broke it!

Do you think we enjoy
this kind of thing now, huh?

Where is she?

You are talking about
the countess Katharine,

but you're talking to the wrong guy.

I married her today, but that's it.

There's nothing between us.

Look, now, where is she, huh?

An address. You want an address.

Sure, sure, right. Eh...

Here, erm...

Everything you need is right here...

Just... Just send it back
to me when you've finish with it or...

Hey, I can have copies made.

Why don't you guys ask me that
at the studio?

We could have saved a lot of time.

Any time, okay? Any time at all.

- You say you know where this it, right?
- I know, I hide.

If you tell us what to look for,
we can help.

Otherwise,
we'll have to leave without it.

We'll find it.
It's a dagger. You look!

- Uh-huh, it's a dagger.
- A dagger. Right.

Maybe I'll sit looking for a dagger.

I expected something more Russian,
like Easter eggs, that sort of thing.

It's a gift from they
who guard the dagger.

It's given to the tsar.

It's given to grand duke
Nikolai Nikolajevich.

It's given to my fa...

Is dagger.

It's a priceless dagger.

- Good. Let's go.
- We'd better get out of here.

Alright. Give us the countess.

My gun is jammed!

- Give me that gun!
- Unlock the door. Let me out of here!

Unlock the door! Let me out of here!

- I'm alright. The countess.
- Katie!

Help!

Open the door, you idiot!

They're killers!

Look at me!

- Look what they've done to me!
- They're getting away!

Oh, thank God!

You're flooding it.

I know I'm flooding it,
I'm flooding this car.

I really love it.

I've been a member of royalty less than
24 hours. Already, I'm a haemophiliac.

I talked you into this game.

- Yes.
- It's my fault.

You couldn't anticipate the greedy
evil forces ready to move in on her.

Wasn't she happy doing her thing?

Cleaning out the ashtrays, the sink.

Do you know how I talked her into it?
Security, that's how I did it.

Can you get this thing started?

I've got a meeting at 05:30.
I gotta get cleaned up.

Don't, E.L.! He's not worth it.
What kind of a man are you?

They've kidnapped your wife.

I met the old broad once.
She isn't worried about my nose.

How dare you speak of her like that?

She's a countess
of the Imperial House of Romanow.

The fact that she's also a cleaning lady
doesn't give you...

Hey. What are you talking about?
Cleaning lady?

- That's right, and the best there is.
- Cleaning lady?!

You married me off
to a cleaning lady for $250,000?

You wanted royalty, you got royalty,
you understand?

She's a hyphen.
This town happens to be full of them.

She's a countess-cleaning lady.
Now, be happy!

I'm thinking those men
don't really want Katie.

They want the dagger.

- If we brought in police right now...
- No, that's out of the question.

You call in the cops,
this will hit the papers.

I'm not just thinking about myself.

I figure 250,000 bucks
oughta buy me a little consideration.

You call in the cops,
they'll kill her for sure.

I mean, am I right?

I'm right.

Shut up. I've gotta think.

I've just gotta think.

There is nothing to think about!

We do not wish to harm you, madam,
in any physical way.

We merely wish to know where
we may find the Romanow dagger.

I know nothing about what you speak.

I am Katie Roman. I clean.

I can make her talk, professor.

Patience, French.

Patience.

Now, let us dispense
with the game playing, madam.

I know that the dagger
was given to the tsar in 1913,

when the tercentenary of Romanow rule

was celebrated
throughout imperial Russia.

I know you have it in your possession.
Do you understand me?

I know through an unimpeachable source,
Count Zochim.

Can I give her to French now, doctor?

Not yet.

She does not have it on her possession.

She was quite unconcerned

when I suggested
that you search her home.

Mr Turner and Mr Whitney.

Exactly!

Mark Savage had been trussed
like a Christmas turkey

and dumped in the corner of a dark room

with air that smelled like
it had been piped in from a pool hall.

There was a throbbing pain
below his left ear.

A gun butt can do a lot of damage.

Marquis of Queensberry rules were fine

for a guy who had
no big plans for tomorrow.

Savage had. He planned on staying alive.
He just wished he knew how.

Yeah.

To whom am I speaking?
Mr Whitney? Mr Turner?

Let me speak to Katie.

Alas, the countess has nothing to say.

Let me speak to her
or the conversation is over.

She has not been harmed.

As yet.

It would be well to keep in mind

that I am determined
to have the dagger.

Look, let me speak to Katie, Davidson.

- Is who?
- It's E.L., honey. Are you alright?

Do not give, Mr Turner. Let them kill...

Katie? Katie?

So, you do have the dagger, Mr Turner.

No, as a matter of fact, I don't
have the dagger in my possession.

I don't know what happened to Katie,
so I... I gave it to her husband.

Marty Boxx has it.

What? What are you saying? I don't...!

Er... No, h-h-he's over
at the Goldwyn lot.

He had to do some checking
on construction over at stage six.

Alright. Get in touch with Mr Boxx.

Tell him we'll return his wife
to him there.

If he does not have the dagger,

if there is any interference
from the police,

we will kill her.

Half an hour.

Oh, great.

Just the one entrance?

No, there must be more.

California fire laws are very stringent.

French.

Mr Boxx!

Mr Boxx!

Would you mind putting that gun away?
Guns make me nervous.

Which is precisely
what they are designed to do.

Nasty, unsettling things.
But quick and efficient.

Your bride, Mr Boxx.

Yeah.

Right, er...

- Here.
- No!

Mr Whitney.

In the vernacular, professor,
that's a wrap.

Giddy-giddy-gai.

Giddy-giddy-gai.

All's well that ends well,
that's what I always say.

- Not now.
- Don't you get a kick out of it?

- We brought those fiends to justice.
- Yeah.

Professor Davidson's behind bars,
where he belongs,

where he can't prey on innocents.

So is Clyde French,
and Victor Gardenia is in the hospital.

- I don't see how he survived.
- The cologne.

That cologne could stand anything,
even silver bullets.

And what about Katie?

- She's set for life. Aren't you happy?
- Yeah. Yeah, even more.

You're not happy. What's the matter?

You're $25,000 richer.
Why are you so depressed?

It's a nice boat, isn't it?

- Erm... I don't want to talk about it.
- About what?

It could happen to anybody.

What can happen to anybody?

I'll talk about it.

I took a flyer at a commodities market.
We crashed on take-off.

- The commodities market?
- Oh, no.

E.L., you didn't. I work in a brokerage.

I'd never mess around with commodities.
It's a very specialised field.

No, no, no, you didn't.
That's very dangerous.

You're right, buddy.

When you're right, you're right.

Of course I'm right. That was dangerous.

Morning.

If you like, I come back later.

No, honey, go ahead.
Just... Doesn't matter.

Sweep me under the rug too.

You didn't lose all Katie's money too?

You didn't talk her into putting
her money into wheat or...?

- Soy beans.
- You didn't!

- Soy beans are big now.
- You didn't!

I didn't, I didn't.
I'm kidding, kidding.

What she's doing back here cleaning?
Why...?

- Countess, what are you doing here?
- I clean!

You don't understand,
you don't have to do that anymore.

You're a very wealthy woman,
you don't understand that?

Da! 250 grand.

Get old, get sick...
Security, very nice.

Now I clean.

You clean. Well, that's nice. I see.

No, I understand that
that's what makes her happy.

- All's well that ends well.
- Ditto, ditto.

You will raise your hands
over your heads and...

step backwards into the room.