Temptation Island (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Taste of Independence - full transcript

Previously on
"Temptation Island"...

I like you and only you.

I know you have a lot to offer.

I have been picking up on,
you know, small player vibes.

You're what I need, you know,

in whatever capacity that is.

I am making connection with you.

I feel it, too.

It's scary
to think that I could vibe

so well with
someone other than Luke.

She's not stoked about the idea
of an open relationship.



How do you feel about that?

Historically, my dating
has been pretty casual.

I'm very
physically attracted to Taylor.

I enjoy making contact.

This one actually
is my promise ring with Edgar.

Okay.

I don't know if I will continue

wearing the promise
ring, like, what do I do?

Sounds like the ring doesn't
mean anything to her anymore.

Feels like I don't know her.

It feels like she
says one thing to me,

and there's something
else going on inside her head.

It feels like she's not
being honest with me anymore

because, I mean,
through all those months,



I was trying to work
towards our relationship...

and repair what I had done.

And, you know,

she says it didn't take
away from our relationship

and the love that we had.

But I just don't
understand how you can do that

and balance those two lives
and still look me in the eye

and tell me that you love me.

I just don't believe it.

Edgar.

That's raw.

That's difficult...

but it is absolutely
clear and an honest feeling.

And I'm sorry you're feeling
pain right now.

- All right bud.
- Thanks, man.

Lascelles.

You ready?

Let's do it.

I'm trying
to figure out why there was

a connection, instantly.

Not a connection
after four days,

a connection within...

It's almost like I feel like
I've seen you before

or something.
It's one of those things.

- Okay.
- And I said that

last night, I don't know
if you heard me.

No, I didn't hear you say that!

I was like, I think
I've seen you in my dreams.

I said that, as I walked by.

Okay. Laughter is a response.

Yeah.

What did you see?

I see her make an
emotional connection early on

with someone that
she's starting to develop trust

and possibly feelings for.

But I allowed her
and she's allowing me to, like,

feel those emotions.

So that was kind of what

I was expecting coming to this.

What I'm asking
is because you know

Ashley better than I do.

So you saw that clip
and you actually feel that

there's a legitimate
emotional connection.

I believe so.

But if this is the girl
that you think you love,

why doesn't
that kind of concern you?

It doesn't concern me

because we told ourselves
we're lacking something.

I think because of my role
in our relationship

and just being there
and kind of like

stunting her growth
in certain ways,

then, you know,
I'm doing her a disservice.

So I would like for her to take

a step back
from our relationship,

which we have,
talk to someone else,

dig deep and see what
she can learn about herself.

Because I messed...
I believe I messed her up.

I see. So, wean herself
off of dependence on you.

So, when you
see her giggly and flirty

and that doesn't scare you,

it actually encourages you.

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

That's how I feel now.

I'm not judging the feelings.

I'm just trying
to understand you more.

I'm getting to know you too.

- Yeah.
- The only thing I'll leave

you with, though, Lascelles,

is one of the things
I'll push you to explore is

the difference between
your head and your heart.

Don't be too much in your
head is what I'm encouraging

you specifically, to do.

Thank you, Mark.

All right. Hania.

Okay.

We're a team, pal, we got you.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

Let's take a look.

I'm very, very
much in love with Hania.

I'm happy for you.

But I am a very
physical person, very.

I'm not the one with
the open relationship idea,

but, like, maybe...

You know what? No.

I'm done.

You wanna go get a drink?
We should drink.

I'm a little confused.

Maybe even angry, you know?

To hear her say that she's done,

and then see that
she's sharing a bed,

even if it wasn't
the whole night, you know?

She and I went
into this with the...

you know,
the one rule of respect.

You know? And I hear
what she's saying about...

you know, the open relationship.

That is my idea, you know?

She's never suggested that.

Open relationship
meaning other people?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Being open
to sleeping with other people.

You're justifiably
upset and a little shook.

- Yeah.
- And yet...

she's done nothing
other than what you have

said is perfectly okay.

Yeah.

I just haven't been...

clear with
her about what I want,

and I think I've maybe
waited too long, you know?

Ash is someone
who knows what she wants.

I'm going to suggest that
you know exactly what you want,

but you're afraid to stand up
and say, "This is what I want."

- Something to look at?
- Definitely.

Thank you for your honesty.

Be there for one another,
and you guys can

head back to your villa
right now, okay?

- Thanks, Mark.
- Right on up.

I'm feeling a little afraid.

You know, I'm coming to terms

with this idea of an open

relationship maybe being

something I don't want.

I know the side
of Edgar that's really good,

really loyal,

but there's
also another side of Edgar,

like the side that
cheated on me.

That's how I feel.

Like, I feel like I'm constantly
preparing myself for heartbreak.

Me too.

Constantly.

It's like I'm
walking on eggshells.

Walking into the first bonfire,

my stomach is hurting.

And I have butterflies
and my heart is racing.

I'm preparing
myself for the worst.

- Good evening.
- Hi.

I mean, I know it's
only been a couple of days,

but the last
time he cheated on me,

I feel like I wasn't
expecting that either.

Ladies, welcome
to your first bonfire.

This is where we meet
to talk about what's going on

with you and your experience
while you're here on the island.

It's also
where you're going to get

a glimpse of how
your boyfriends are adapting

to single life
on the island as well.

And this is the only time
you're going to get

any insight into that.

So I'd love to hear more
about your experience so far.

So tell me what's going on.

How are you feeling?

Gillian, what's
going on with you right now?

I'm okay.

I'm trying
to stay calm and centered.

I really don't know
what I'm about to see.

I'm very, very curious.

Okay, so here's how this works.

Each time you're at a bonfire,

you're going to watch a clip

from your boyfriend's
experience here on the island.

Look, I understand that this
is often difficult to watch,

but hopefully,
it's going to provide you

the perspective that
you say you're searching

for in your relationship.

Ready to go?

Gillian, we're
going to start with you.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Sure.
- All right.

Let's take a look, right here.

Like, I want to work on myself,
but more than anything,

I want her
to answer her questions, like,

do you want to do
this with me or not?

I don't know how to express it,
but I guess it just feels like

she's been, like,
dragging me along, you know?

Tell me what you saw
and what you're feeling.

I really do love Edgar,

but I have been
very vocal about my concerns

ever since he cheated on me.

I feel like
nothing's really ever been

the same, and hearing
the other girls' stories,

I'm realizing
that that was actually

a really big turning
point in our relationship.

So, it's... I go back
and forth on

whether I want
a future with him or not.

I'm so young,
so sometimes I feel like it's,

you know, kind of my time
to explore what other chemistry

I could have with somebody else.

I don't want to blink
and then realize I, you know,

never really did that.

Listen, this
is what this is about,

and there are questions
that you didn't know you had,

like I said at dinner,
that are showing up.

And I just will encourage
you to keep looking at

what is it that you really need

as opposed
to what Edgar was giving you?

Yeah.

Gillian, that's all for now.

But you're on the right track.

Yeah.

Iris, your turn.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Here we go.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Okay. Okay...

- Hania, help me, buddy.
- I can't help you.

Oh, another one.

Oh!

I am surprised, actually.

I thought things would
be a lot worse for my clip

that I was about to see.

But I also
feel a sense of guilt, I guess.

- You feel a sense of guilt?
- Yeah.

Because you think that
clip that he would see is...

It's me building an actual
strong emotional connection

with someone, probably.

And I think that that
hurts more than what I just saw.

And who are you connecting with?

I'm connecting with George.

I think George
is checking off a lot of boxes

that I feel like I'm
missing in my relationship.

What's the biggest box?

His thoughtfulness.

He's extremely thoughtful.

Something you're missing.

And I'm not
coming down on a loop,

but what I'm really trying
to point out is what I'm hearing

you say you need and you're not

selfish to want
that kind of attention.

Yeah.

Appreciation is a better word.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, Ashley.

Here we go.

It's like... I feel like
every time I'm talking to you,

I learn something
new about myself,

and it's just the beginning.

So I feel like
that's... that makes me feel...

No, seriously.

You knew... You're like...

You're what I needed.

You know what I'm saying?

You're what I need, you know?

In whatever
capacity that is, it's real.

Wow.

I see that he's forming this

kind of emotional
connection with this girl.

And I want to know, like, why.

And I kind of feel like he
could be emotionally open

towards her that we haven't
fully done before out

of the seven years
we've been together.

Like, we never
had that emotional

deep conversation before

that I think
I felt like I was missing.

And he said,
"You're what I needed."

He just met her.

Like, how do you know
she's exactly what you need?

You know what I mean?

When I think I should be

the one that you need?

How would
it feel for you if you saw

Lascelles open up to her

in the way that you've
been begging him to do for you?

It would feel
devastating, actually.

But, you know,
I'm kind of realizing

it's my journey to focus on.

I shouldn't...

I should worry about
Lascelles, but not really.

It's all about me.
I always put people first,

and I'm tired of that.

So...

When you say you
always put people first,

you got emotional.

What do you need?

I don't know.

I guess I need like...

clarification, more like...

I know there's love,

but, like, more action

to show the love that we have.

Well, I thought we have.

You got a lot of emotion

that I don't even
think you knew you had.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

Okay, Ash, we're
going to go to you next.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm sort of like out of sight,
out of mind, kind of person.

And like, I want
to be in the here and now.

And if you're not here and now,
then I have a hard time

giving you the attention
that you want.

Someone lick it off now!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah, Hania!

I'm completely unsurprised.

- Unsurprised?
- Yeah.

I saw Hania being Hania.

Okay.
In what sense?

He's doing the exact
same thing he's always done.

And how does that make you feel?

All I have wanted in this is

for him to be considerate of me.

So, what's the history?

If there is a finer woman

willing to
him harder...

"This is my friend, Ash."

Has he called you a friend
in front of other women?

Yeah, every time.

Every time.

How do you feel about the
concept of open relationship?

I'm not into it.

I do believe that
I can share a partner

if I'm also there, but...

obviously I have
to be there because

out of sight, out of mind.

It must be so freeing to be able
to discard people like that.

If what you're saying
is the truth,

it is a very chilly
compartmentalizing

of emotion
to be able to do that.

Ash, thank you so much.

So, with that, I thank
you for being honest and brave.

And you can head back
to your villa right now

and I'll see you soon.

His behavior was disgusting.

I don't feel desired by him.

I don't get picked up like that.

This is what I wanted to know.

I am getting the answers
I'm seeking incredibly fast.

The first bonfire.
That was a lot.

How are you guys feeling?

It's just the things
that you don't expect that just,

you know, sca... yeah.

I just feel like
she gave me a complete 180.

It's something so
small, like a ring,

but, like, I just thought
we were 100% honest

with each other and...

we weren't.

I'm feeling all kinds
of things, man, you know?

I mean, you guys saw what I saw.

Yeah, it was tough to watch.

Watching her
speak to him like that,

that just, like,
breaks my heart right open.

I can't imagine
a world without Ash.

She has been
such a force in my life.

I do not want to lose that.

I just have to be honest
with myself about how I feel.

I feel Hania is more committed

to his own pleasure,

as he has been through

the entirety of our
relationship, than actually

improving himself.

My biggest takeaway
from the first bonfire is

I should probably
stop thinking about him

and completely
think about myself.

It was just like one awful
thing right after the other,

back to back to back.

I know it's a lot
to have to deal with,

and have just
thrown in front of your eyes,

which is extremely
disrespectful on his end.

Sorry. Like I said,

I laugh out
of "uncomfortabiliality"

- for yourself.
- I mean, it's okay.

You can also
say that you're laughing

because you think he's a joke.

I don't ever
want to see you sad.

I don't ever want
to see you, you know, hurt.

Growth comes
from moments of pain.

That's all I can control.

You've been wonderful so far.

I feel comfortable.

I did not think
I'd be this comfortable.

When I'm around you,

I genuinely feel emotions that

I haven't felt
since, like, a teenage fever.

Really?

So, that's big to me.

You are definitely the type
of person that should get what

you want out of a relationship,

or at least find somebody that
is willing to do their best.

Right, without me asking.

Yeah.

That's a lot to deal with.

Like, get thrown at you.

Yeah, it's crazy.

He was talking
about how he just doesn't

really want to be, like,
dragged around anymore because

I feel like the last
year I've had a lot of doubts.

I definitely feel
like we came here to, like,

save our relationship and, like,

work on our relationship.

But now I'm feeling like...

I don't really know what I want.

It's good that
you're having that clarity

a little bit, a little bit.

- For right now.
- For right now.

Yeah.

I guess I'm afraid
of being alone and independent.

But then, now that I'm here,

I'm kind of enjoying this
little taste of independence.

Yeah, that's good.

Oh, my gosh, George!
That's really good.

It got more real
last night than I liked.

That did get a little more real.

I kind of slept well
last night, I wasn't re-playing

the clip that
I saw of Lascelles,

like, I wasn't dwelling on it.

I slept well.

But then this
morning I was like,

"What the bleep?"
Like, I feel bad.

Every one of our friends

and family thinks that we're
going to, like, get married.

Live happily ever after.

But I've always been, like,

emotionally dependent
on Luke and pretty much, like,

a lot of
my boyfriends in the past.

Me too.

It just clicked in me
last night, like, wow,

I never really got
the independence that

I needed to discover myself.

Take it just one day at a time.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

I've never learned
how to be happy on my own.

And that's a problem.

It's up to me to love
myself and feel confident.

Oh, my God, the flowers!

This is the queen,
we're being knighted.

Here you go.

You should
put it in your left ear.

- My left ear?
- Yeah.

What does left mean?

It means unavailable.

'Cause you're going on a date.

- I'm going on a date?
- With me.

I am conscious of the fact
that I am trying to avoid

the level of comfort
that I feel with Taylor.

So I'm hoping to get

a little bit of mental
clarity out of this date

from a third person
point of view

Let's do this.

Put that in there.

Watching Ash
ask Tommy out on a date,

I literally felt
my heart drop to my stomach.

If I, you know,
was really following my heart,

I would ask
Tommy on a second date.

But for now,
just trying to stay calm.

Who's Ashley?

That, I'm still trying
to find out, actually.

I don't know if told you,
but my boyfriend and I have

been together for seven years.

Seven years, I'm not
going to just throw that away,

like, "Seven years, whatever."

You know what I mean?

I got to have
a conversation with Ashley.

She's... She's cute as can be.

I honestly
fell, like, deep instantly.

So, I hope to, you know,
maybe continue talking to her.

Like, you learn a lot from love.

What you learn from it

makes you who you
are, like, right now.

Yeah.

I have never worn
my hair this long before.

Well, I wasn't
attracted to you before,

but, like, now I am, so...

I'm getting nervous now.

Everything's
riding on this one shot.

I was just overthinking
everything last night.

I just give a lot and I just
need to give more to myself.

You have to figure out, kind of,

what you want and what kind
of connections you want.

If you want them to be platonic,

if you want them to be more.

And I also want you to not
put all your eggs in one basket.

- Yeah.
- Right away.

Because there's so many of us.

- Yeah.
- We all offer different things.

You're my number one guy
that I have my eyes on.

So, I want
to make that clear too.

No, I remember.

I'm having
a great time with Alexa,

but I want to get
to know Trace a little more

and kind of explore what... like,

why I'm feeling
these emotions so quickly.

You are a catch.

You have everything
that I'm looking for,

I just don't want
to jump too fast without

knowing all sides.

I feel like I'm doing a lot.

I'm really trying, I'm trying
to be the glue to the family,

build a business,
maintain a relationship.

You have a lot on your plate.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

You must be exhausted.

- Pretty much.
- Yeah.

I have massive family issues

in the mental health department.

It's just devastating.

I feel like I've been dealt

a really crappy deck of cards
in the emotion department.

I can't get through

and project how I'm
feeling with my family.

And the same with Iris.

I can't get through to my
emotional side with her either.

I feel like the first time
we got to speaking together,

you were asking some really
cool questions and I was like...

Yeah.

That's someone I want to get
to know a little bit more.

So, that's why
I kind of wanted to see if

you wanted to go
on my second date.

Like, it's out
of nowhere, but, like...

Yeah.

Luke and I
had a really good conversation.

I'm just ready
for the date tomorrow

and super happy and excited.

I think you're really someone
I want to learn a lot from.

Absolutely.

What's up?

Hello, stranger.

How you feeling?

I'm looking at this beautiful
rainbow that is amazing.

That's a beautiful rainbow.

I think it was a perfect time.

- Perfect time.
- Perfect time.

I feel like we have a lot
more great times ahead of us.

And I wanted to ask
if you wanted to come on

a second date with me.

Don't be shy, now.

- Yes. Yes.
- Thank you.

Yeah, I'm excited.

I feel like
I've obviously made, like,

a really good
connection with Lascelles,

but I don't want
to get my hopes up, you know,

especially if he is shopping
around a little bit more

and he's kinda just,
is picking, you know.

Me for today and then next
time it's going to be whoever.

So, I'm kind of just
making sure I stay aware.

Man! So, like,

I don't know how to feel.

I'm just getting
caught in my feelings.

- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.

I just can't tell if he's, like,
a little player or not,

because he's really
nice to everybody, you know,

and I can see him being
flirty with a lot of people.

I just think
that he's just really nice.

As of now, I'm going after Edgar
so Eddy, I'm coming for you.

I'm definitely feeling him.

And I know
that him and Marissa have

a cute little thing going,

but that doesn't
mean anything for me.

I can still go for it.

We're all here for a reason,
and I'm here to, you know,

make my mark
and that's what I'm gonna do.

We better get a little cozy
at this party tonight.

Bring it on.

Paint us however
you feel is necessary.

Be careful with
touching my... touch back.

These colors!

Are we going to paint
each other's bodies tonight?

Beautiful human.

We painted them and turnt up!

This is the most fun
I've had in my life.

Shots, everybody. Shots!

Oh, it's a field day!

We're playing flag football.

We're going to turn up
because they deserve better

and what better way
than the finest gentlemen

and the finest abs
that you'll ever see.

Let's go, let's go!

Oh, shit!

Let's go, tuck team, let's go!

The guys were
super hot playing football,

we all got
a little hot and spicy.

All those touchdowns,
those dances.

I feel like I could,
like, relive this moment again.

Same.

Come in the pool!

Lick it off! Lick it off!

Ash's boyfriend,
I hope you see those clips,

and I hope it hurts.

I hope it does, Mr. Sir.

You don't deserve her.

I do kind of wish that
we were going on a second date.

Well, that's
what the third is for.

Maybe.

I guess I need to talk
about the whole Tommy situation,

which I was very
excited about our connection

and I hope it doesn't go away.

I'm still feeling just
as interested as when I met him.

Do you think it's
a red flag that I just, like,

formed a connection
with you right off the bat,

even when I have a boyfriend?

We've only
been here for a few days

and we're
getting to know each other

and a connection
is a connection.

We enjoy each other
and we get each other.

That's not a problem.

Should we play truth or dare?

Whatever you want.

I want to see Ashley
give a lap dance to Iris.

- Oh!
- Okay.

Good.

No pillow wall, baby girl.

Taylor has been
really gentle with everything,

and he's still being
really respectful of me.

He's chaotic,
but he has a softness

and gentleness in
him that I can respond to.

I don't know
what's going to happen,

and I'm not trying to plan it.

I just hope we kind
of keep exploring

what we can while we're here.

The question is, how do
we get some one-on-one time

with Kryslyn and Edgar?

That's the hard part.

His connection
with Marissa just seems

so intense, like is he even,
looking my way at all?

No, like, it's fair game,

anyone can come
in at any moment and offer

something better
than the person before.

I am in a little tiffy.

Like, I'm definitely
feeling Edgar.

But, you know,
I've just stayed on, like,

a friendship level
with all the guys here.

You are so clear about
what you want, but, like,

you are not hitting it.

You're not,
like, going to get it.

I know, and that's
my problem.

Go get it!

I feel like physically...

Physically, you're...

We have an attraction
and I don't want you to forget

that if you're on
a date with someone else.

Honestly, no, I am...

By far I feel, like,
the most attracted to you

- in the whole house. So.
- Phew!

I've done myself a disservice

by, like,
kind of closing myself up

5a little bit because I want
to make the right decision.

I don't know
what the right decision is.

No matter what happens,
it's going to hurt.

It's going to hurt.

It's going to hurt.

And would you rather continue to

sacrifice yourself
to please other people

or do what's going to ultimately
make you happy and fulfilled?

Yeah, no. Yeah,
you're absolutely right.

I realize what I'm risking.

You know,
I'm doing this experience

and I'm starting to,
like, make connections

that are stronger
than I would have imagined.

So, it's given
me an uneasy feeling,

and I don't want Ash to see this

and think, "He just threw
away something for nothing."

She said,
"I'm afraid of you making

"an emotional connection

"because I feel like
I'm going to lose you."

And I said,
"I don't think I will."

Like, I said,
"Well, I don't think

"it'll be strong enough
for me to pull me away."

But I feel it,
I feel it tugging at me.

It's like a promise
to something that I knew

I couldn't keep.

That's a lot.

Do you want a hug?

Right now, I'm at
a crossroads between keeping

what I already have
and going for what I want.

I just don't
want to hurt anybody.

That's it.

I don't want to hurt anybody,
but in this predicament,

someone's going to get hurt.

My girlfriend, Ashley, or Trace.

It's not easy.

It's tough
to make everybody happy.

Oh, my God.

Are you nervous?

Nah, I ain't nervous.

Today is really fun.

I'm enjoying my date with Tevin.

- He's super, super sweet.
- Nice.

I do have Tommy in the back
of my mind the whole time,

but I'm definitely
still having a great time.

Oh, my God, yeah!

Whoo! Let's go!

I'm having the best time.

That's what I'm talking about.

Woohoo!

Hey, there.

Karyna and I have
really been connecting over

the last few
days, she's so smart.

But I'm also thinking about Ash
at every moment, at every turn.

I am all over the place
right now, to be honest.

How's your
time on the island so far?

As a whole?

Take a big chug for that one.

I didn't really
expect the other night,

the bonfire, to go how it did.

Which probably
speaks to me thinking

too highly of people
I care about.

I've just felt like
a second thought for so long.

Sorry, I don't want to cry.

You okay?

It's been really scary
because I keep flopping back

and forth between, like,
"Do I actually love this person?

"Am I pouring into him

"because I'm too
scared to pour into myself?"

Yeah.

And I just keep getting
more and more scared that, like,

I have neglected
myself this long,

like, how much
love is left in my cup?

Sorry for crying.

The relationship
that's going to change

the most out of this

is my relationship with myself.

And I'm excited
to be in love with me.

I know I'm
going to come out of this

bigger and better than I am,

and my relationships
are going to change with it.

No, I said
I wasn't going to cry.

You know, I hear
you when you're speaking,

and I pick up on the fact
that you want your relationship

to work, and you want
to help Iris achieve her goals.

But it shouldn't be that
every time you guys argue, like,

stuff from the past
is brought up because that's

an immature way to think.

Yeah, I feel like no
matter how hard I try, you know,

to help her feel wanted,

for me, it just
doesn't get through to her.

Like, why do
we keep talking about

what happened six years ago?

Like, "Babe, let's move on."

I feel, like,
resentment because I can't...

I can't feel
loving when I'm straight up

being beaten down
in the moment for things that

I feel like are childish to be
talking about at this point.

Right, so it's
like, where can you win?

Like, when will Luke win?

So, tell me about, like,
how you been feeling so far?

I didn't want
to kind of be, like,

transparent with you
about something.

Talk to me.

I was, like, really
self reflecting over

the past few days,
and as great as I think you are,

I feel like exploring this
deep emotional connection that

we have might not be
what's best for me right now.

I've always had
boyfriends since high school,

and I don't
think I ever got a break.

All of these
relationships either

brought me heartbreak
or toxicity.

It's not healthy for me to just

hop from one relationship
to the next, you know?

Definitely understand that.

There is a gut
punch to some things

when you're definitely
connecting with somebody,

and then they want to just
put the brakes on some things

and, you know, you have
to respect it, you know,

especially
when you care about them.

And honestly,
I truly care about her.

I want you to feel like
it's something that you want.

You deserve
that level of understanding

and I'm totally here for it.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate that.

Definitely.

First and foremost,
I would like to thank you

for choosing me
to go on this date.

I am so happy that
I chose Evan as my date.

I felt like he is that guy
who is just confident.

We have that cool
connection as a friend.

Maybe something
more but, like, for now

I like how it's going.

You're going through
a very unique experience.

Unique experience. I know.

How were you handling it so far?

I'm taking it day by day,
honestly, you know?

I don't want
to worry too much about what

my boyfriend is doing because

I feel like that's
going to hinder my growth.

So what changes do
you expect him to make?

So the romantic
dates weren't really there.

I felt like our relationship
is now stagnant.

Her expectations
for what she wants

her man to do are very low.

I'm going just keep, you know,

letting her know how I feel.

You know, keep teaching
her more about myself every day.

You know, all you can do
in this life is just be yourself

and see where the cards fall.

You know, I feel like I'm
in a pretty good spot with her.

This is good.

How are you
feeling about everything?

I mean, I'm trying to be
patient, like, I really am.

But it's hard, like,
trying to get to know someone

and they're, like... not saying
you're feeding me all this,

like, amazingness,
because it's genuine

and I know you care about me.

But at the same time,

it's, like, I'm
having to deny dim my light

or mask my feelings
to justify everyone else.

It's tough
because I've never had

this many people tug at me.

And then I'm feeling other
pressure from

the other ladies in
the house who, you know,

I want to get to know.

But, you know,
they feel like I'm giving you

a lot of face time.

I feel like I'm
fighting for something that

I don't have
a chance at winning.

I feel like
you're not standing up

for this connection,
and it sucks.

Seeing her, you know,
get emotional,

makes me feel sad because

I do have a part of this

because I'm not being clear

in my intention.

I don't want
to be stuck in the past

or be afraid of change.

I'm trying to figure
out what I need in my life.

I don't want to go
balls to the wall and get

so emotionally invested in you.

And then I see
Ashley and then I go back

and then imagine how
you'd feel at that point,

you'd break down, you'd never
want to see me again.

So like, I'm trying to avoid...
I'm trying to avoid that.

But at same time, I can't say,

"Let's just be
friends in this house," because

I know that I'm not gonna
be able to control how I feel.

'Cause I want you to be able to,
like, have your thoughts,

have your emotions.

But I don't want
to keep feeling ashamed because

I have a connection with you.

I just feel like everything
is about everyone else, but us.

And it's kind
of hard to be excited

and be in the moment if
you feel like they feel guilty

for even being there.

It sucks I feel
bad about being happy,

I just think that
maybe we just need some,

like, breathing room.