Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 18 - Serious Business - full transcript

When Robin rations bathroom time to 5 minutes per visit, the other Titans try to show him the magic of the bathroom.

2x18 - "Serious Business"

Do you mind hurrying up in there?

Seriously, what is taking
so long? Did you fall in?

I need to go.
Come on, come on, come on!

Yo Rob, what's up?

Oh! Doing the pee-pee dance, bro?

Nice, I love that dance.

Doing the pee-pee dance?

I invented the pee-pee dance.
Oh, yeah!

Oh! I too wish to participate
in the dance of the pee-pee.

But I do not know how!

It's quite simple, girl.
I'll show you.

♪ Step to the left,
now, step to the right ♪

♪ put your knees together
and squeeze 'em tight ♪

♪ keep your arms moving
side to side ♪

♪ try to hold it in
till it's time to ride ♪

♪ knock, knock let me in
knock, knock ♪

♪ let me in, I gotta go, uh
knock, knock ♪

♪ let me in knock, knock ♪

♪ let me in I gotta go ♪

♪ keep moving now don't you stop ♪

♪ hold it in till it's time to drop ♪

♪ let me in before I pop ♪

♪ too late
gotta grab the mop ♪

♪ knock, knock let me in
knock, knock ♪

♪ let me in, I gotta go, uh
knock, knock ♪

♪ let me in, knock, knock
let me in, I gotta go ♪

Aw! Don't tell me I
missed the pee-pee dance.

Titans, it's time we
had a bathroom meeting.

A bathroom meeting?

Yes, you guys are spending
way too much time in there.

As Titans, we spend on average
three percent of our time

fighting crime, seven percent dancing,

18 percent doing food related activities

and the rest of the Titans'
time is spent in the bathroom.

This cannot go on.

Ah, can you repeat all
that stuff you just said?

I was in the bathroom.

As of this moment, I'm
instituting bathroom rationing.

No lavatory visit will last more than...

five minutes.

You can't do that to us!

That time frame will not be sufficient.

There's so much stuff we
need to do in there, bro!

- And, what exactly is that?
- It's where I tap dance.

It's where I go to sing.

It's where I do my steam painting,
the most temporary of art forms.



It is where I create
my favorite recipes.

This will be the most
delicious pot of the chili.

That is not what the bathroom is for.

It is a place of serious business.

In and out. Nothing in there
should take more than 5 minutes.

10 second hand-washes, 1 minute
showers, 4 minute shaves.

It takes you four
minutes to shave what?

I have very thick facial hair.

Oh, yes.
This is coming in very nicely.

That, my friend, is a moustache.

Don't you understand? The
bathroom is a special place for us.

- It's a place of magic.
- Magic? Pfft. Please.

It is true, Robin.

Humankind did not advance
into the modern age

until they encountered
the first bathroom.

Where it came from, nobody knows.

I do. We built them,
with pipes and tile.

And, just to prove everything
you can possibly do in a bathroom

can be accomplished in
under five minutes...


- See, five minutes.
- Why did the bathroom explode?

Well, that's what happens
when the timer hits zero.

What, you've never seen
a timer hit zero, before?

The whole room is on the fire.

Yes, it is. Now, that I've
demonstrated what's possible,

I'll be holding you all
to the same standard.

- Oh, why the explosion?
- Remember, five minutes.

I will be watching.


It's bubble time, baby.


Titans, great news!

Bathroom usage is down 90 percent.

What has happened?
Your hygiene!

Your five minute standard
killed the magic for us.

We don't even bother to
go into the bathroom now.

I haven't tap danced in weeks.

You can tap dance anywhere.

The bathroom is where you go
to wash your filthy bodies,

and do other unspeakable acts.

Titans, go!
Clean yourselves up.

I mean, come on.

I don't understand what makes the
bathroom so special for you guys.

Then, please come with us, Robin.

And we'll show you the... ma-gic.

Fine, if it'll restore
your strawberry scent.

All right. Show me why you need
more than 5 minutes in the bathroom.

We will, bro. But first,
take this microphone.

That's a toothbrush.

You have so much to learn.

♪ If you want to sing ♪

♪ sing on, sing on, sing everything ♪

♪ if you want to dream ♪

♪ dream of, dream of,
everything you are ♪

Ah! So good.

Guys, you were right. This
place is absolutely magical.

The five minutes standard
is hereby abolished.

Ya! Booyacity!

Hurray! Hurray!

If you don't mind, I'd like a
moment alone with the bathroom.

We understand. Take your time.

Oh! Those water burritos
are not sitting right.

- What's going on?
- Robin's been in there all morning.

Correction. I never left.

Dude, what are you doing in there?

Just enjoying the magic.

Whoo-hoo! Yipee!

We never stayed in there, this long.

Robin is abusing the bathroom magic.

- I want some magic too.
- I say we go in.

Sorry. But, this bathroom is occupied.

Robin, one way or another,
we're getting you out of here.


If you want this bathroom,
you'll have to take it from me.


Who said that?

It is I, bathroom.

You may call me John.

You can talk?

- How is that even possible?
- What's up, John?

As you have always sensed,

I and all of the bathrooms come
from a place of magic, you see.

Where's that, John?

We are survivors of a distant
world, destroyed long ago.

We thought we had found
a home here, you see.

A world that appreciated
us as much as we did it.

But, you ruined it all.

Sorry, John.

Stuff your sorrys in a sack.

You have turned a place of
magical fun into one of strife.

Now I, and all my kind shall
leave this world, forever.


Where are they going?

They're going home, Beast Boy.
They're going home.

I believe John said
their home was destroyed.

Then, I don't know.

- So, what do we do now?
- Yeah. I mean, I really gotta go.

Yeah, pee-pee dance!