Taxi (1978–1983): Season 4, Episode 10 - Louie Goes Too Far - full transcript

Louie gets fired after Elaine accuses him of voyeurism.

(theme song playing)

Phew! Hi, everybody!

ALEX:
Hi.
Hello, Elaine.

I have no time
to talk today.

Hey, hey, hey,
what's the big rush?

Oh, I've got an opening
at the art gallery.

And my last fare
wouldn't get out of the cab.

He kept flirting with me.

You know, uh, telling me
about his Porsche,

his stock investments, his plans
to scale Mount Everest.

Every trick in the book.



Well, why didn't you just
throw him out of the cab?

And let him get away?

Well, you didn't make a date
with this guy, did you?

No, not a date.

Just dinner tomorrow night.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have
to go make myself exquisite.

(as Vic):
Hey, working class.

Well, if it isn't...
Mr. Personalities.

What is new?

Oh.

Great question.

I'm thinking
about taking up jogging.

Hey, the granola man is
into physical culture.

Forget jogging,
my friend.



I've got one
word for you

that's gonna make your
body say merci beaucoup.

Jazzercise.

Jazzercise.

That's right.

Of course.

Tell me about this jazzercise.

Well, it's...

It's exercise to music
at a health club.

In its purest form,

it's just you
and 25 ladies

stretching,

twisting and sweating.

Uh...

how does a fella,

uh, get into this,
uh, jazzercise?

(clears throat)

Well, I'll tell you, my friend.

You need three things.

First, you need the desire,

and you've got that.
Uh-huh.

Then you need a sweat suit,
and you can get that.

And then you need a friend

who's not gonna be embarrassed
to take you with him.

Good luck.

(laughing)
No.

I'm only kidding, Jimbo.

Hey, listen, every man needs
a cause, and you're mine.

How about
tomorrow at 8:00?

(clicks tongue)

I see a vision.

Oh, thanks.

She walks in beauty
like the night.

Of cloudless climes
and starry skies.

Of all that's best
and dark and light

meets in her aspect
and her eyes.

Thanks.

Hey, Jim, that
is really nice.

Where's that from?

Oh, some punk spray-painted it
on my van.

ALEX:
Elaine?

Uh...
Something bothering you?

Yeah, um,

there's this small hole
above the sink in the bathroom,

you know, just, like,
large enough

to poke my finger through?

ALEX:
Yeah.

And I know
this sounds crazy, but...

I thought I saw an eye
behind it looking at me.

Nah. Come on.

It's probably
your imagination... or a rat.

Where is Louie?

Now, now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

I mean, Louie's a creep,

but I don't think
he'd sink that low.

¶ A pretty girl

¶ Is like a melody...

Ooh, I am gonna
pluck his eyes out.

No, no, no, Elaine,
Elaine, Elaine,

you cannot
pluck his eyes out yet.

Without proof, it's just
his word against yours.

You want proof?

I'll give you proof.

You know, maybe
I'm overdressed.

I think I'll

change back into
what I had on before.

(humming)

TONY:
That's it!

That's it! I'm going in
there and breaking his jaw.

Tony, now,
look now, look now,

violence may be your way
of handling this,

but I think Elaine
has a plan of her own.

Come on, let's just
let her handle...

(screaming loudly)

You were watching
me undress

through that peephole,
weren't you?

No, no, no, no, no!

It was your eye
I poked!
No!

No. How could you accuse
me of such a thing?

It's absolutely untrue.

ELAINE:
Oh, yeah?

So then, why are
your eyes tearing?

Be... Be...
Because I'm hurt.

I'm hurt
that you would even think

that I could do
such an awful thing.

So, how come
only one eye is tearing?

Well, it's not the end
of the world.

If you... If you...

I'll forget
the whole incident.

Louie, I hate you!

I hate you more now than
I ever hated you before,

and that's saying
something!

I'm an innocent man
falsely accused.

Innocent, huh?

The gall of this man!

What gall? I'm innocent.

We saw you go in.

We know
there's a peephole there.

We saw you come out,

and your eye is tearing
because Elaine poked it.

I'm innocent as a lamb.

I... You just...

I... You...

Oh, forget it.

Forget it.

And that goes double
for me, Louie.

You know, there aren't
too many do's and don'ts

when it comes to women,

but in Vic's book,
file this under "W" for whoa!

JIM:
Boss,

nobody could want
to believe you more

than I want to believe you.

I've had four heroes
in my life.

Saint Thomas Aquinas,

Mahatma Gandhi,

Alan Alda and you.

Just look me in the eyes

and tell me straight
that you didn't do it.

I can't look you
in the eye, Iggy,

because Nardo just stuck
a finger in this one.

But I didn't do it.

That's good enough for me.

And three, four, five, six.

Hips, hips, hips, hips.

Four, three, two, one.

Rotate, rotate, rotate, rotate.

Buns, buns, buns, buns.

Buns, buns.

There's one word I
never want to hear

as long as I
live-- jazzercise.

Oh, come on, man,

get into it.

Hips, hips,
hips, hips.

Hey, Vic...

Come on now,
one, two...

I'm not a violent man
by nature.

Hey, all right.
(mumbles)

I'm sorry, sorry.

Guys... this is
Andrea Stewart

from the National
Organization for Women.

TONY:
Oh, hi.

She's here to settle up
the score for me with Louie.

Hello there.
Hi.

Maybe, Elaine.

Look, you know
I'm on your side,

but that's why I just
feel it's important
to meet Mr. De Palma

and hear his side of the
story before we get...

Hey, who's the toots?

Louie, Louie,
Louie, Louie!

Hey, I saw her first, Reiger.

What's your
name, sweetcakes?

May I do this?

Uh, Louie De Palma,

I am pleased to introduce you
to Andrea Stewart.

She's the regional
director

for the National
Organization for Women.

So?

They're here to take
action against you

for what you
did to Elaine.

Fair enough.

Might I suggest
a spanking?

I've heard enough.

Louie, Louie, Louie.

You really...

You really did
it this time.

The boss is gonna
come down hard on
you for this one.

What? Ratledge will laugh
those dames

right out of his office.

I've been
a loyal employee

of this company
for 15 years.

It's my word against hers.

Against ours.

I don't want to talk
about this anymore.

Hey, Ton, how would
you like cab 7-41?

You mean the brand new one
that came in yesterday?

I can't think
of a nicer guy

or a better cabbie
to break her in.

Happy motoring, paisan.

Gee, thanks, Louie.
Yeah?

I really appreciate this.

Thanks a lot.
Yeah?

You know, I'm still gonna have
to, uh, testify against you.

Give me that!

You got 4-13,
the widow maker.

Oh.

Wha...?

What's going on up there?

Why are they saying such things?

Iggy, come here.

You heard what's going on?

What'd they say?
What'd they say?

All I got was bits
and pieces, boss.

Yeah?

Let me think.

Uh... Uh, women's rights.

Yeah.

Uh, not an easy job.

Uh... 15 years
loyal service.

Aha! Hmm.

Lawsuit.

Uh, serious charge.

Um... have a coffee?

What else? What else?

Think! Think! Think!

Uh, Sweet 'N Low.

I should be talking
to the banana.

Like... give me a chance.

There was something else.

I'll search my mind
for it, boss.

Yeah.

Bring bloodhounds.

(Elaine clears her throat)

Well, well, well, that was fast.
What happened?

I decided not to sue.

I've agreed to accept
his out-of-court settlement.

(laughs)

I knew it!

The old fire dragon put you
in your place.

You lost the battle, huh?

No, you lost your job.

(groans)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So...

good-bye, cockroach.

Good-bye, mouse.

Good-bye, Jeff.

Good-bye, Louie.

We can't let him go

without giving him a good-bye,
can we, Alex?

It's inexcusable
what he did to Elaine.

The reign of terror is over.

So why do I feel sorry
for that broken toilet of a man?

Uh, Lou?

What?

Good-bye, Lou.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you can keep
your good-byes.

You guys had your chance.

You could have stuck up for me,
but you didn't.

You never liked me,
and I never liked you.

I'm going out there,
and I'm going to claw,

backstab, lie,

cheat, walk all
over people,

do whatever I have to,
to get to the top

of this dung heap
we call a life.

And when I get there, I'm going
to spit on all you losers.

Oh, I miss him already.

(sobbing)

Thanks a lot, Mrs. Brewer.

I really appreciate that
you're taking the kids tonight.

Yeah.
(knock at door)

Oh, okay, well, um,
I really can't talk to you now.

My date is here.

Okay, bye-bye. Thank you.
(knock at door)

(knock at door)

Hi.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
Louie!

Come on, come on, this
is not going to help.

I'm not going to
change my mind.

Please, Nardo.

Please, please.
Louie, come
on, get up.

No, no, no, no,
this is something

I got to say
to your feet.

Louie, come on.

I have a date due
here any minute.

I want you
out of here.

If you don't listen to me,
I'll kill myself.

I swear I will--
I'll kill myself.

Oh, no, you won't--
you are not

the kind of person who
takes his own life.

Come on, Nardo.
Unfortunately.

Come on, Nardo.

Come on, you got to give me
a break here. I mean, what...

what-what-what-what kind of...
what do you got to lose here?
(knock at door)

What's it going to cost you?

She'll be with you
in two seconds.

Robert?

He didn't give his name.

Oh, get out
of my way.

Hi.

(chuckling nervously)

Did I come at a bad time?
No.

I'm so embarrassed.

Uh, why don't
you come in?

Um...

why don't you
sit down

and, uh, make yourself
comfortable?

Oh, thank you.

They were lovely.

Sit down.

Uh, I'll just be a minute

until I get rid
of this guy, okay?

Who is he?
Uh, that's Louie.

You-you know, the one
I told you about, from work.

I'm sorry, Nardo, I'm sorry!
Okay, Louie,
it's too late.

It can't be too
late, Nardo.

It can't be.
You don't understand.

Do you know
where I'm going tomorrow?

I'm going
to the unemployment line.

I'm going there
with the derelicts,

the washouts,
the scuzzos.

(hyperventilating)

That-that... you
can't understand.

That job meant
everything to me.

It was my life.

It was... (wheezes)
it was everything.

Without it,
I'm a nothing.

I'm a zero.

I'm...
Louie, you should
have thought

of that before you did
what you did.

What's the matter with him?

It's a ploy--
he's faking.

Where's the head?

I don't want you
in my bathroom.

Oh, yes, you do.

Oh, okay.

All right... no, no,
no, no, Louie, Louie,

Louie, Louie, this...
it-it's this way,

Come on.

(chuckling)

Robert, you have no idea
how sorry I am about this.

Well, obviously not
as sorry as he is.

Oh, I know what this
must look like,

but it's not.
What a pathetically sad
little man.

(laughs)
He's actually physically ill
from being so upset.

You don't know who
you're talking about.

That man is a filthy,
lecherous monster

who does not deserve
our sympathy.

I see.

I don't think so.

You think I'm the
villain, don't you?

Elaine, I don't think there
are any villains here.

Oh, yes, there are!

And right now, he's
in the bathroom,

making himself sick, trying
to elicit sympathy,

which he is not
going to get.

I see.

Robert, you've
got to understand.

I'm a warm, sensitive
human being!

You've got to
believe me!

I believe you,
I believe you.

(groaning)

Are you okay?

(panting)

I'm a little
weak, but, uh,

considering what I've
just been through,

I'm not so bad.

Well, why don't you come
over here and sit down?

(sighs)

You know, I'm-I'm sorry
about the flowers.

Oh, no, no...
don't-don't...
They were lovely.

Don't... don't
you worry.

Don't worry
about that now.

Here, just sit down.

(panting)

Elaine, what is the worst
thing that could happen

if you gave this
man another chance?

He's got a good soul.

Louie, I've seen
this act before.

It's not going
to work this time.

Well, it's obvious the two of
you have things to work out

and I'm in the way,
so I'm going to go.
Oh, no, no, no.

D-don't go, don't go.
No, no, no.

If you go, she'll just
take it out on me.

No, Robert,
you don't really have to leave.

I-I-I think I-I
better go now. I-I...
N-no, no, no ,no.

I'll... I'll call you.
No, no, no, no,
Robert, Robert.

No, Bobby, Bobby,
Bobby, please don't.

Don't go, don't go.

You can't leave her like this.

I mean, it's not her fault!

That jerk.

Good riddance.

You're better off
without him.

Do you have any idea
how much I hate you right now?!

What are you talking about?

I tried to keep him here.

You heard me.

Hey, I'm the one he liked.

There is nothing more
to say to you.

Just get out!

I can't open this door, Nardo.

Don't you understand?

I can't leave here
without my job!

I can't, I can't!

I... can't.

You never quit, do you, Louie?

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Louie, can I get you anything?

Well, if it's not
too much trouble,

some weak tea and my job back.

Louie.

How can you see me
suffer like this, Nardo?

I mean, don't you
have a heart?

I keep telling you I'm sorry.

Why can't you forgive me?

Because you're not really sorry.

Because you don't
even understand

what was wrong
with what you did.

You mean...

if I understood what was
wrong with what I did,

then you'd forgive me
and give me my job back?

But you won't
understand.
But what if I did?

But you won't.
What if I did?

What if I did?
But you...

Yes... but you'll never
understand.

I will!

I'll understand.

(sighs) It-it's wrong...

because...

(laughs)

It's... it's wrong
because we're not supposed

to peek at girls
without their clothes on.

(laughs)

And she...

she thought I wouldn't
know why it was wrong!

(laughing)

Yeah.

I think Ratledge
is home.

I'll get him
for you.

No.

No?

No.

See, I'm not looking
for any pat answers.

Wha-wha-wha-wha...
But, you know,
in a way, I-I'm-I'm hoping

that you really understand this,
because I'd like to forgive you.

And I'd like to be forgiven.

What's holding us up?

Me?

(groans)

Object! Object!

I was treating you
like an object.

I was treating you
like a sexual object,

like somebody without
a head or nothing.

Thank God I watched
that Donahue show about broads.

I'll get Ratledge
for you right now.

Louie, get out.

Get out of my apartment,
get out

of my life!

But-but... God, God!

It's wrong
because God doesn't like it.

No, no, no, no.

God likes it?

Well, help me.

Uh, meet me halfway.

Give me a hint.
All right, I will.

Oh!

Louie, has there ever been
a moment in your life

when your most basic,
fundamental right

as a human being
has been violated?

Your right to privacy?

I'm sorry I violated
your right to privacy.

No, it's not just repeating
what I just said!

I'm sorry I repeated
what you just said.

Louie, think
for a second.

I can't-- I'm
too nervous.

Have you ever been violated?

Yes.

When?

What do you want, a story?

Yes, I do.

Okay.

Uh...

Uh..

twice a year...

(mumbles indistinctly)

What?

Twice a year, I...
I have to go get new clothes,

and, uh, I, uh...

the only way that I can...

the only way I can get anything
to fit me is, uh...

I have to go
to, uh, a men's store

and walk straight
to the boys' department

and ask if...

they have anything
in the husky sizes.

Huskies-- I hate them.

I, um...

I don't... I usually

will try to go
when there's nobody there.

I... I go during
school hours.

But no matter
when I go,

the place
is crawling with kids.

And, uh... I don't even look
at what I'm getting.

I just go over
to the rack, take it off,

my size, and I rush
into the dressing booth.

The last time...

(sighs)
one of the mothers said...

"You're lucky.

At least you won't outgrow it
in six months."

Did you say anything to her?

I mooned her.

But the...

the worst moment...

is when you got to...

push open those doors...

and walk out
into that room...

wearing your new
corduroys,

making that noise.

(mimicking chafing sound)

And then,
all the parents

tell their kids...
not to stare.

Is that the way I made you feel
when I peeked?

Kind of.

God, I'm sorry.

(chuckles softly)

(crying)

It's okay.

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)